Her Patient L
by JesterBells28
Summary: L survived the Death Note and defeated Light Yagami in the end. But the battle of wits he experienced with Light and the realisation that Shinigamis are real and almost succumbing to the Death Note himself have taken their toll on him. Now he's lost and unwilling to live. However that all changes when L meets Lily who comes to help him uncover what he truly needs in this world.
1. Chapter 1

**My Patient L**

She had butterflies throughout the journey, which was almost four hours when she looked at the cars dashboard clock. Her bum was now numb beyond comprehension but she didn't want to interrupt her mother as she focused.

Lilly-rose ( _her mother liked flowers_ ) could hardly hold back her excitement. She was a psychiatrist in training and was happily following her mother's footsteps; hence why she had been allowed to come to Wammy's home for gifted children in the first place.

But it wasn't just the fact that they were coming to this somewhat off the grid home that had Lily so immensely excited, no, it was the person they were coming to see that enthralled her.

Her mother was a high class psychiatrist, one of the best if not the best in the entire UK. She had bestselling books; four to be exact and has treated some of the most colourful, ingenious and on occasion highly dangerous people.

So with a reputation such as her mother's it wasn't surprising that she would be invited to such a place.

But it had taken a long time, a lot of phone calls and a lot of security checks to finally be allowed to come. They had both been sent numerous amounts of confidentiality contracts to sign; most of them were delivered personally by people in suits and blacked out glasses.

The contacts basically stated that they would not be allowed to tell anyone where they are going, where the home is, who they were going to see, what they will speak about and witness while at the home and if for any moment the contract is broken they would be prosecuted and jailed.

Lily had thought the last bit was a little extreme but when her mother had explained to whom she would be treating Lily soon changed her mind and understood completely.

So the person they had driven almost four hours for and had basically signed their lives away for was none other than the ruthless, secretive and brilliant detective L.

He was world famous and had worked cases from all over the world. Apparently he has returned from Japan from working on a serious and traumatic case. Of course her mother hadn't received a lot of information from the inside. But she and Lily had of course followed the Kira case and when it was all over everything went silent. The countries governments tried to delete everything about it from the internet.

It was too late however. The case was probably the most famous and unusual case in history. No one could explain how Kira could kill people from just knowing their face and names. There was something supernatural about it thought Lily, there was no rational explanation.

She had followed every moment of it, watched countless footage on internet both legal and illegal. She had to know everything.

L was brilliant as always. Apparently he came very close to becoming one of Kira's victims but that's all she had uncovered, everything was too secretive, too well hidden. It was frustrating but now she hopefully would be able to talk with the man himself.

Of course it was wishful thinking for her to think that she would be able to actually speak to L. She didn't know how her mother had convinced Wattari; who was the man in charge, to allow her to sit in the sessions and take notes. But her mother was persuasive and also her reputation probably helped sway things to her favour.

The one thing that wasn't explained in the contracts or by phone was the reason why L was having treatment. It was known that L was a brilliant and somewhat unusual character. But his mind was strong and nothing seemed to deter him...; at least that was what Lily and her mother had thought and had been told.

L wasn't known to have ever required psychiatric help, although he probably should have considering the sorts of cases he had dealt with Lily thought. He could be dangerous. Like a volcano building up pressure until it can't take anymore and just explodes destroying everything in its path.

L had certainly earned a reputation for being ruthless, arrogant, sneaky, mischievous, unrelenting, and having such a high intellect that no one except for his guardian Wattari who could come anywhere to matching it. He has also been labelled as a lunatic and was no better than the criminals he puts away.

Lily had never seen L as a criminal; well she hadn't seen him at all, no one had. He was always a mysterious synthetic voice within a screen behind the letter L.

But anyone who gave their life for justice; to hunt down and stop the criminals that had made this world into such a terrifying place to live was OK in her books.

Of course he would seem a little odd and arrogant given his intelligence and the back log of criminal names he has put behind bars. She didn't see anyone else doing as good of a job as he was. So he was allowed to be who he was, he deserved that right when he started putting criminals in their place. That's how she thought of it anyway.

They had finally arrived and when they had past the huge security gates and three guards they were on their way, driving up a very long driveway.

The house was in the middle of nowhere; surrounded by trees. No one would ever find this place; you would have to be looking for it to find it.

Her mother gripped the stirring wheel a little tighter when the huge house came into view. 'Oh my word.' Were the first words she had said in over an hour.

Oh my word was right. The house was huge and stunning. Old and gothic with what looked liked original stonework including a few gargoyles.

The stones were grey but seemed to shine as if polished when the sunlight hit them. The house had Ivy climbing all around its walls but otherwise seemed spotless, not even a crack could be spotted.

Lily smiled at her mother who smiled back warmly. 'I was hoping for it to look like this, I love old houses.' Lily happily said.

'I know you do but I doubt we will be allowed to explore.' Her mother answered.

'Yes I know. It's a shame. How long are we here for again?' Lily asked.

Her mother shrugged and bit her lip in concentration as she manoeuvred the car and parked just outside the front walls in the driveway. The gravel from the ground crunched under the tyres as she reversed the car and then stopped and turned off the engine.

They book took off their seatbelts but neither went to get out of the car. They just sat in silence taking in the grandeur of the house.

When her mother sighed beside her Lily turned quickly to face her. 'What's wrong? Are you nervous?'

Her mother nodded truthfully. 'A little yes. I can't quite believe that I have been asked here personally, I just hope I'm up for the challenge.'

Lily widened her eyes in surprise; she had never heard her mother doubt herself before. 'Mum you'll be fine, this is huge for you and I'm so proud of you. You would never have been asked if you weren't brilliant in what you do. You will find a way to help him, no matter how challenging it may be.' She hoped her words sounded encouraging as she didn't want to admit it but she knew this would not be easy for her mother. Who knew what they were about to face.

They finally got out of the car and before her mother had opened the trunk to get their luggage two men in uniform came scuttling out of the house, opened the trunk and started to pull out their luggage for them.

Her mother stepped back in surprise. 'Oh...Why thank you, thank you.' Was all she could say.

Lily giggled, 'quite the service.' She muttered.

Her mother followed them to the house where a butler had stepped out and greeted her.

Lily took that time to look around the front of the house and noticed a figure in one of the top floor windows. She couldn't see who it was as the sun was glaring in her face, but when she looked again they had gone.

'Welcome to Wammy's School for gifted children. I am the head butler Bertram.' He bows politely.

He was the stereotypical butler, balding, middle aged if not older, a snobbish but charming demeanour. But his eyes were kind and his smile seemed real.

Her mother straightened as did Lily. 'Hello Bertram, I am Doctor Vivian Everly and this is my daughter Lily.

Lily smiles and gives a little nod instead of a handshake as she wasn't sure if butlers did handshake. From the way Bertram was standing with his arms behind his back it wouldn't seem so.

Bertram nodded and smiled politely. 'Pleasure. Now if you will like to follow me I will show you to the library where Sir Wattari will come and meet you. Then after that you will be shown to your rooms and then you will have luncheon with Sir Wattari and Sir L.'

Lily's heart skipped a beat, L. They would be meeting him soon, how exciting this all was she thought. She kept her composure and walked side by side with her mother as they were shown to the library.

Of course the house was huge and beautifully decorated. There was wood everywhere; wooden floors, wooden carvings, wooden picture frames, wooden staircases and banisters. It was extremely luxurious and smelt of log fire and cinnamon. Red and purple velvet carpets hugged the floors; gold shimmered from door knobs and candelabras. It was dream home almost magical in a sense.

Bertram pulled open two huge sliding doors revealing an impressive room filled wall to wall with books; there was even one of those sliding wooden ladders to reach the very top shelves.

Oddly enough the curtains covering the huge windows were closed. So the room was lit with soft lighting from lamps that were scattered around the room.

Then Lily suddenly realised it was a library and the sun was no friend to books as it made them fade over time. That's why every book in the room looked in pristine condition even though some of them she could tell were very old. Lily loved books so she would notice such things.

'Please have a seat and Sir will be with you shortly.'

They both said thank you and with that Bertram left them alone and closed the doors.

'Mum, this place is unbelievable. It's stunning; I wonder how old it is...?'

'Oh I believe constructing started in the early 16th century and was finally completed five years after. But since then it has had considerable work done but thankfully still holds some of its original features.' Came a male voice suddenly from behind them.

Both Lily and her mother stood up in surprise and turned around to find a young man standing in the doorway from the other side of the room.

From the tone of his voice Lily had expected to see a man in a suit or at least someone that was well groomed...; that was not the case with this man.

He was dressed in blue baggy jeans and a white, long sleeved top. His hair was black, long and messy and stuck out at the ends almost into points; he reminded her of a hedgehog. He also didn't have any shoes or socks on, not even slippers. It was a very odd sight but she couldn't deny that she found him very attractive. Although he had huge dark circles under his eyes he was beautiful. He had sharp pointed features, delicate lips and huge dark eyes that seemed to stare into your soul. Some would find that stare intimidating but Lily found it exciting.

'Oh, hello there.' Her mother was the first to speak. 'I am Doctor Everly and this is my daughter Lily.'

'Yes I know who you are Doctor, your reputation precedes you.' He answered quickly but his voice was kept at a monotone level. Then his eyes fixed onto Lily.

Lily took in a breath and felt her cheeks start to flush, she felt so embarrassed with herself. But she smiled and tried to seem professional.

'However I was not expecting you, are you also a shrink?'

Lily raised her eyebrows a little confused by his informality. But she smiled warmly and answered, 'Yes, well I am in training so almost there.' She grimaced internally; why she sounded so girly and childish all of a sudden was beyond her. Why was she so thrown off by his presence alone? Who was this unusual man? She thought.

'I have discussed this with Mr Wattari in great detail and he agreed for Lily to be able to sit in the sessions and take notes. She has signed all the confidentiality agreements as have I.' her mother smiled throughout her sentence but kept her voice firm and professional.

His expression didn't change and then with a quiet 'hmm' he started to walk around the room. He had sort of a hunched walked and his feet slid across the floor. It was a very slow and lethargic walk.

It seemed a long time before he started to speak again. He didn't look up at them this time, just looked ahead and sometimes glanced down as he stroked the furniture he passed.

'You are here to treat L correct?' It was more of a statement than a question.

'Yes that is correct. But I'm afraid I won't be able to speak anymore about it, only with Mr Wattari. Do you perhaps know when he will be with us?' He mother sounded a little too eager as this man was probably making her feel uncomfortable Lily thought.

The man stopped in front of the sliding doors that they had come through. He pulled one of them open keeping his eyes on them.

Suddenly an older man came through the door. He wore glasses, had white hair a moustache and again a warm and kind smile. 'Oh, please forgive me; I was caught up in a very important phone call.' He apologised politely.

He shook each of their hands. 'Welcome and thank you for coming all this way Doctor Everly. It's a pleasure to meet you finally.'

Her mother smiled and then introduced Lily once again. 'And this is my daughter Lily.'

'Ah yes the doctor in training, I am sure you will receive more than enough experience from the sessions ahead.'

'Yes hopefully, I am looking forward to them.' She glances quickly back at the strange man who was staring back at her with no obvious emotion.

They hold each other's stare for a few more moments before he turns slowly and walks out the room without a word.

Mr Wattari motions for her and her mother to sit again.

'Ah I must apologise again, it is against my custom to keep guests waiting for so long.'

'Please don't worry yourself so Mr Wattari; your home and your impressive library kept us entertained.' Her mother charms.

'As did one of the residents did for a short time.' Lily pointed out quickly.

'Ah yes...I suspect he didn't introduce himself?' Wattari says with a hint of humour.

'No he didn't.' Said he mother.

'Who is he?' Lily asked.

Wattari chuckled a little, 'He rarely makes good impression on people as socialising and basic manners don't come naturally to him I'm afraid.' He says as he motions for a butler to fetch some tea.

It suddenly dawned on Lily who that strange but attractive man was.

She gasps and puts her hand to her mouth, 'you don't mean? That was him?' She stutters somewhat.

Wattari nods and smiles while picking up a cup from the butler's tray. He plops two sugars in and stirs the golden spoon in the delicate little teacup.

'Yes that was L.'

Lily and Vivian both look at each other wide eyed.

'I...I wanted to introduce myself more thoroughly to him; if I had known...' He mother splutters.

'No no please don't trouble yourself Doctor Everly. I must say I am somewhat taken back that L made himself known to you so quickly and the fact that he spoke to you well; let's just say it's not normal behaviour but then again he hasn't been quite himself lately. That's why you are here after all.' He smiles at them both.


	2. Chapter 2

After the talk with Watari, Lily and Vivian were shown to their rooms.

Lily had been lying on the four poster bed for what seemed hours. She just couldn't believe she had just met L and also couldn't believe he hadn't even bothered to introduce himself. She must have looked such a fool not knowing who he was, but then she thought if she had known who he was would she have acted any differently? She shook her head, no, she probably would have acted worse, falling over her words and blushing even more.

What was also going round in her head was what Watari had confided to her mother and herself. That L was in fact seriously depressed and Watari feared for his life.

It broke Lily's heart to see the old man become so emotional. He had so much love for L and he didn't want him doing anything to himself.

Just the fact that Watari thought L could do something unimaginable to himself had been enough to call her mother here; he was desperate and seemed out of ideas.

Lily's eyelids started to feel heavy and she quickly fell asleep. The comfort of the bed mixed in with the long drive and the very long talk with Watari had exhausted her.

When a knock on the door came she flung herself out of bed and stumbled to the door still half asleep. 'Yeah...just a moment please.' She managed to grumble out.

She wiped a little bit of drool from her cheek and straightened out her somewhat creased dress. She takes a breath and opens the door.

A very smiley boy in uniform was standing on the other side of the door. 'Sorry to disturb you miss but we are to inform you that lunch is being served and you are to make your way down with your mother to the dining hall.'

'Oh lunch...right, right .Yes, yes of course I will make my way down immediately. Have you called for my mother?'

'Yes I have already informed her, she is making her way down now.'

Damn, why didn't her mother wait for her? She was only down the hall. She didn't want to go down by herself, and she didn't even know which way the dining hall was.

'Um alright, could you tell me where I can find the dining hall?'

After some quick and yet thorough directions the smiling boy left and hurried down the corridor.

Lily closed the door quickly and went over to the beautiful golden framed mirror in the middle of one of the fabric coated walls. She groaned when she spotted her reflection. She was a mess, hair everywhere and make up smudged.

She ran to the other side of her room and dug out her emergency make up bag from her suitcase and started retouching and tidying up her face as much as she could. She had to look professional for goodness sake and couldn't embarrass her mother. She ran again to grab her hairbrush when her little toe smashed again the brass leg of the four poster bed.

She yelped out a little and held in the foul words that wanted to spit out of her mouth. She collapsed on the bed and screamed into the pillow. This was not a good start at all but she could only hope things would get better...right?

Lily finally found the dining hall and to her utter horror everyone was already seated...including L. Oh shit she thought.

As she walked in Watari arose from his heat and nodded his head in greeting.

'Ah well I'm glad you managed to find us Miss Everly. Please take a seat next to you mother here.' He gestures to the chair next to her mother and before Lily could pull it out another young man in uniform did it for her so quickly that she jumped a little.

'Oh, thank you, thank you very much.' She muttered awkwardly and sat down as fast as she could. Keeping her eyes down. Her cheeks had starter to flush again. Thank god she managed to plaster a load of powder on her face before coming down.

Watari sat down and placed his napkin over his lap again. 'Right now that we are all here we can begin.' He nodded over to one of the waiters in the corner on the room. He disappeared immediately through another grand archway.

L was sat in a very unusual way. His knees were tucked into his chest, he almost looked childlike. He seemed to be making an origami animal from his napkin. He didn't look up.

'Where were you?' Her mother tries to subtly whisper into Lily's ear.

Lily tries to whisper back, 'I'm sorry I got lost and why didn't you wait for me?' She asks sulkily.

'Oh I hope you didn't become too lost Miss Everly, this house can be quite the maze.' Watari stated indicating he had clearly overheard them. Apparently their whispering wasn't as subtle as they thought.

'Oh no it was fine, um I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the aviary I believe. Such wonderful and beautiful birds you have here sir.'

'Oh please do call me Watari or W if it suits you. And yes they are wonderful and such magnificent creatures; it's a shame we have to have them locked away in cages.

'Why do you?' asked Lily truly curious as she didn't see the need to lock up such beautiful animals.

Before Watari could reply L suddenly interjected, 'Because the birds we have here have either been injured or are sick, meaning they can never return to the wild.'

Lily looked at him and again his stare made her heart flutter. She smiled at him but he didn't smile back.

'Ah well that is lovely to hear that you take in sickly and injured birds, all lives matter in the end.'

'It wasn't long ago I used to think the same way Miss Everly. But then I learnt that some lives cannot and shouldn't be saved.'

Lily had no idea how to respond to that especially at the dining table. That had obviously come from a place of hurt and perhaps even regret?

Thankfully the waiters started to bring in the food and the heaviness of the atmosphere was soon lifted.

They just kept laying out food on the table, sandwiches, cakes, biscuits, more cakes, cookies, donuts so many sweet things.

Lily's eyes widened with the delicious looking food and she eyed up the huge chocolate cake in the middle of the table.

A waiter came over to her with a plate and bent down to her ear, 'what would you be your fancy Miss?' He asked politely.

'Oh well,' Lily turned and went to point to the chocolate cake in the middle but was shocked to see L standing and holding out a plate with a piece of the chocolate cake on it.

'Here I noticed you were eyeing it, thought it only polite for you to have the first piece as I can get through half the cake if not more alone.' He said again with that monotone voice. But somehow his voice was soothing; it reminded her oddly of silk.

'Oh thank you, that's very thoughtful of you.' She smiled sweetly as she took the plate from him. She could have imagined it but she swore L had slightly smiled back; well it would have been more of a smirk than anything else.

Watari had been watching the two of them closely. He cleared his throat when he saw the expression on L's face then started up conversation again with Vivian.

L said nothing for the remainder of the meal however he was certainly true to his word as he ended up eating a good three quarters of the chocolate cake alone.

Lily tried to hide her amusement every time he leant in and cut another piece of cake for himself. He was also making quite the mess getting chocolate all over his mouth and some on his white top.

Lily was finding it hard to imagine that this man, this unusual and quite adorable man was really the ruthless and brilliant detective she had heard about and admired. He seemed ever so childlike in some ways from the way he sat to the way he ate. It was delicate but his actions were eager as if the food would run away at any moment.

He didn't touch any of the savoury sandwiches or scones. Instead when he had had his fill he excused himself politely from the table and left the room.

Lily watched him leave with a sense of loss, she found she liked having him around, he was so very interesting and she wanted to delve much more deeply into who L really was.

After lunch Lily could hardly walk. Watari had offered her and her mother both a tour of the grounds but he said it would take at least 45 minutes to get around it all and that's if they were to walk quickly.

Lily graciously declined and instead went back to watch the birds in the aviary.

Now this was certainly no ordinary aviary. For starters it was huge, and the cage was actually an enormous, white glassed dome. There was a path to walk through and it was spotless which was very unusual as there must have been hundreds of birds living happily and harmoniously together.

Lily smiled as she walked through the safety doors and then out into the dome. It was noisy from all the birds conversing from one to the other but she giggled and loved every minute of it.

Although built like a giant green house it was at a comfortable temperature...air conditioning she thought.

She walked through and noticed a beautiful blue and golden bird sitting alone on a branch. She walked up to it expecting it to fly away but it didn't, it just watched her approach with curiosity.

'Hello beautiful one.' She leant in and smiled at the colourful bird. 'My you really are beautiful, what are you doing here all alone?' She looked up and around her to see if she could spot any others of its kind.' Hmm can't seem to find any others that look like you, are you the only one?' The bird tilted its head as she reached out her hand to pet it.

Amazingly the bird allowed her to scratch the top of his head and neck and closed his eyes seeming to really be enjoying himself.

'Don't tell anyone but I snuck out a scone for a little later; I know I'm so greedy but these are the best damn scones I've ever tasted.' She giggled to herself.

She looked around quickly and dug her hand into her pocket pulling out the scone. The bird seeming to know what was about to happen started bouncing excitedly and flapping his wings.

She broke off a generous piece and held it out for the bird to take which he did ever so gently. 'There you go, now hopefully you'll remember me.'

She stuffed the remaining scone back into her dress pocket and stepped back on the path a little.

'That's a strange way for a professional psychiatrist to act in a patient's home.' came L's voice from out of nowhere.

Lily yelped a little and looked around, and there L was standing under an exotic looking tree ahead of her.

She put a hand to her chest, 'Please Mr...L, stop making me jump like that, you're going to give me a heart attack.' She said breathlessly.

He starts to walk slowly towards to her, 'I'm sorry, I don't mean to frighten you, I've been told I walk as quietly as a ninja. However I don't know how you failed spot me with my white top against all this greenery?' He remarked.

Lily couldn't tell of that was a little dig or if he were simply pointing out that rather obvious fact. She clears her throat and straightens a little attempting to seem a little more professional.

'Yes well I was distracted by the birds of course.' She says rather distantly.

'Ah yes I noticed you took a liking to our only Bronzed winged parrot; he was found caged amongst hundreds of other exotic animals for illegal trade.'

Lily looked at the now very happy parrot with sadness, 'such awful people.' She said angrily. 'Who gives them the right to treat animals in such a way?'

L watched her intently, his eyes never leaving her; he seemed to be somewhat transfixed but this odd but rather beautiful woman. 'Yes, it seems when it comes to animals especially the cruelty is never ending.'

Lily looked at him then and immediately regretted it because as soon as her eyes locked onto his she was lost. Her stomach knotted and her breathing quickened.

'Are you feeling alright Miss Everly? You seem to be quite flushed; perhaps you are allergic to birds?'

Lily felt so embarrassed she wanted to run away and jump head into a nearby bush. Instead she giggled like a goofball, 'ha well I don't think it's that.' She wanted to tell him it was him, that there was _something_ about his energy that seemed to be sending her a little nuts. Or it could be that he was L and that was that.

L didn't say anything so Lily quickly carried on talking to fill in the silence, 'It might be because I ate too much and now because I'm digesting my body temperature is rising...' God she hoped that was actually something bodies did because to hell if she knew.

Again L was silent; he just kept staring at her making her feel completely exposed.

Then thankfully he started to speak. 'Yes, I believe that the body does require more energy during digestion therefore rising the overall temperature of the body; in which case this would explain your sudden hot flush.'

Lily thanked the universe that her ramblings had actually been accurate. She smiles and turns around to look at the parrot again.

'Then again.' L continued, 'Your sudden flush could be because you're attracted to me.'

Lily's face paled, has she really just heard that correctly. She turned slightly facing L. 'What?'

'I was suggesting that the reason for your sudden flush is because you may be attracted to me. Your dilated pupils and increasing heart rate are tell tell signs.'

Lily must of made of face of pure terror as L suddenly put his thumb to his lips and leant in closer, 'fascinating I've never witnessed this happening at such close proximity let alone it happening because of me.'

Lily was dumbstruck, she froze and had no idea what to say; all she could was to allow him to keep watching her as if she were an experiment.'

'Oh dear Miss Everly, what have you unleashed?' He almost whispered his eyes wide with wonder.

'Hey L! There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.'

Lily jumped back and wanted to bolt from the scene. But by doing so she would look very odd and none professional...; Oh who was she kidding? She hadn't acted professional since the moment she stepped through the door. It was a hard reminder that she was still very much a doctor in training and had much to learn.

L gave her a little smirk then turned around letting his eyes linger for a few more moments on hers.

The dark haired boy came up to them both, he was wearing some very funky looking clothing, all black with buckles and spikes, Lily liked it.

'Why are you in here L? You're never in here, that's why it took so long to find you.'

Lily looks at L but he doesn't look at her, he was as straight faced as ever.

'Why are you dressed like Mello?' asked L rather confused.

The boy looked down at his himself then opened up his jacket and twirled. 'What? It's awesome; he had the right idea. I mean It's much better than blue jeans and white top.' The boy pointed at L's jeans and top. 'You must have nothing in your closet than just the one outfit.' He says laughing.

'Yes well it's not exactly this outfit; I have precisely twenty pairs of blue jeans and twenty white tops.'

'They look exactly the same.'

'They are, you are correct, I like to be comfortable.' Again L stated this as a plain fact; he didn't even seem insulted by the boys' blatant rudeness. 'Anyway I think introductions are in order Soot, you know better than that.' L nudged him playfully on his side.

Soot stepped back and bowed dramatically towards Lily, 'Good afternoon, my name is Soot and I am pleased to make your acquaintance.

Lily giggled a little and shook Soot's hand when he finally stood up and offered his. She could feel L's eyes on her again. 'Pleased to meet you Soot, i'm Lily Everly.'

'What brings you here then?' Soot asked curiously.

Lily looked back to L.

He nodded nonchalantly, 'Go ahead, and explain why you are here.' He orders.

Lily felt a little uneasy then, 'Um I don't believe its place to say L.' she admitted quietly.

L kept her gaze as he spoke to Soot, 'Miss Everly and her mother; the very successful Doctor Vivian Everly are here because Watari is concerned for my mental well being.'

Lily couldn't believe how open he was being about everything. He was almost like a robot except for that little moment they has just had.

Soot just snorts, 'isn't he always worried about your mental well being? I don't know why, we all know your mad because you're a genius and it's a known fact that geniuses are always mad.'

L just shrugs, 'So it would seem.'

'Well good luck lady trying to get into that brain and coming out sane the other end; rather you than me.' And with that he runs down the path again out of view, causing the birds to squawk from the clanging of his metal belts and buckles.

Lily giggled and thought what a wonderous and weird place this way already. She turned back towards L and cleared her throat, 'I suppose I should be getting back, my mother will be wondering where I am.'

'Very well Miss Everly.'

'Please call me Lily.' She blurted out.

Again L gave nothing away except for a slight smirk in the corner of his mouth. 'Very well Lily.'

Lily smiled and then quickly walked off down and out from the aviary, she didn't look back once but she could still feel those eyes and as odd as it was, she liked it.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily and her mother spent the rest of the afternoon going through paperwork and preparing tonight's first session with L.

Watari had told Vivian weeks beforehand that L would only agree to receive treatment if he could have the sessions in the evenings.

It wasn't an unusual request as she had had many patients before wanting the same thing. Most of them were insomniacs like L. Some others preferred the night as they felt more relaxed and comfortable and then there were those who were just odd and fancied themselves as vampires. Oh yes, Dr Vivian had seen them all.

Nothing quite prepared her for her first session with L however, as the moment he walked in she sensed he would be a tough one to break. Even the way he sat in the armchair was odd, but again it wasn't the oddest thing she had ever encountered.

Lily sat in the corner of the cosy and lusciously decorated reading room. The green fabric armchair she was sat in was huge and ridiculously comfortable. There was also a log fire burning which was starting to become problematic as the warmth it was emitting was making her eyelids grow heavy.

However when she saw L walk in wearing a black silken dressing gown, black pyjama bottoms and bare feet she soon found herself alert and ready.

He noticed her in the corner and nodded slightly in greeting. She nodded and smiled back in return. He then shook her mother's hand and sat down in the armchair in that odd position again.

'Good evening Dr. Everly; thank you for agreeing to my terms about evening sessions.' His voice was soft and quiet making it difficult for Lily to hear.

Her mother smiled warmly, 'Your welcome L, it was no trouble at all.'

He then turns his attention to Lily, 'I hope the both of you aren't too tired, I have been looking forward to our first session for quite some time.'

'Well that's relief to hear L, as a lot of patients dread the first sessions, they can become nervous and work themselves up.'

'I'm never nervous.' He simply states while looking back to her mother.

Her mother nods, her smile never falters, 'Well I wish I could say the same.' She chuckles.

L doesn't chuckle nor smile; he just stares at her. Her mother takes a breath in and starts to speak again, 'So L, I understand you haven't been feeling yourself recently.'

'I'm not sure, what would you describe as your usual self Doctor?' He asks, not revealing anything in his tone of voice, body language or eyes. He was almost as still as a statue.

Her mother didn't take long to come up with an answer, 'Well a lot of people these days have a routine, hobbies, things they enjoy, things that mean something to them. Then there are a person's mannerisms, a certain ways of being, eating, walking, talking, sleeping...are you aware of anything out of the norm for you personally?'

L seemed to ponder that question for a moment; he wriggled his toes together and looked down. He doesn't look up as he starts to speak. 'I suppose the nightmares are a new thing.'

'Nightmares? How long have you been having them?' She asks keeping her tone calm and soothing.

'You see Doctor; I have seen things that would give anyone nightmares. Things that would keep anyone up at night thinking how could a human do this to another human? However I have been witnessing these acts of violence for a long time now and none have ever affected me; none until the Kira case.' He voice seemed to drop when he mentioned Kira. 'Because of that case I now have a very different look on life, what it all means and where my place is in the world.'

'Could you elaborate?' Doctor Everly asked.

He was completely still for a few moments the raised his thumb to his lips and started nibbling at it. 'I'm afraid you won't like my answer but I should tell you the truth.'

Her mother waited patiently whereas Lily was gripping her notebook desperate for him to answer however she did not like the blank look in his eyes.

'I'm afraid the Kira case has revealed to me that there is no point in what I do. Yes I put evil men and women away, yes I attain justice and it makes me feel good. But now knowing what I know and what was revealed to me I see no point in continuing my work or my life for that matter.'

Yep, Lily knew she didn't like the look in those big black eyes. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

'What was revealed to you L that made you feel this way?' Her mother asked.

L shuffled again in his seat, he looked a little anxious all of a sudden as if a memory or a thought had surfaced and he didn't want to face it.

'I'm afraid I won't go into detail into that tonight; perhaps in another session, but what I will say is that no matter how much good I do in the world, no matter how many people I stop and put behind bars there is always someone or something much worse. It's a never ending game of cat and mouse, good vs. Evil. I use to thrive on that feeling, but now I feel I am fighting a losing battle.'

Lily tried her upmost not to allow her feelings to cloud her thoughts but she couldn't help the feeling of being devastated to hear L speak in such a way.

'And how long have you been feeling like this?' Her mother asked keeping her tone calm with no hint of emotion.

'I don't know, I'm not even sure how long I have been back in the UK, I don't plan things anymore; I don't do anything because I don't particularly feel anything anymore.'

Lily and her mother glance at each other, Lily just wanted to hug L, she hated anyone feeling that way about themselves; it was a dangerous and fragile state to be in.

Seeming to shake himself from his dark musings L starts rummaging through his pyjama pocket and pulls out a bag of animal crackers covered in chocolate. He wastes no time and starts munching on them as soon as he rips the bag open. He starts to speak with a mouth full of chocolately crackers, 'But please I don't want you to worry yourself good doctor,' Then he turns to look at Lily and gives a mischievous smile, 'and doctor in training; I won't be ending my life anytime soon, nor in the near future.'

'That's a relief to hear L.' Said Vivian truthfully.

'L nods and finishes off the bag of crackers and starts to lick chocolate from his fingers, suckling on each individual digit. Lily couldn't help but start to blush again. What is wrong with her?

'However I wouldn't be a man of my word if I didn't say when my time does indeed come I won't want to stop it, I don't care if I die because I have accepted death a long time ago.'

Lily couldn't relate to that as she was terrified of her own death and what it meant to not exist anymore. She prayed for there to be an afterlife but she never had any hint of evidence that there were; this kept her terrified with uncertainty.

He looks around and starts tapping his legs, 'I'm afraid that will have to be it for tonight ladies, I am still peckish and Soot is waiting for me to play a game of chess.'

Vivian chuckles a little and removes her glasses slowly, 'usually L, it is the doctor who decides when time is up, but being that you have been so open and truthful and it is late, we can end the session here.'

L stands up, wipes off the crumbs from himself and lets them fall to the floor. 'Thank you Doctor Everly, until next time.'

Vivian nods politely and then L turns and walks towards the door.

He didn't even say goodnight to me Lily thinks sadly, but she couldn't allow her emotions to overtake her in such a way; he was after all their patient and doctors and patients should never ever become close.

She starts to gather her things then stops when she hears his voice, 'Lily, may I escort you back to your room?'

As L was waiting outside the room to escort Lily back her mother pulls her aside and whispers to her.

'This is a good opportunity for you to probe him some more. We agreed that you were to keep quiet within the sessions but out of sessions you are not a doctor; you could even become his confidant.'

'Mum you don't have to whisper, the door is shut, he can't hear.'

'Hmm I wouldn't be so sure, that man is extremely sensitive and I already know his senses are higher than the normal average person.' Her mother looks at the door.

'Mum how could you possibly know that? He has only had the one session with you and it was a short session at that.'

'Our research Lily, don't you remember what was written about him? Such extraordinary skills he apparently possesses and now that I have spoken with him face to face I believe in them completely.'

'Yes his energy is unnerving and it gets you hooked instantly.' She blurted out.

Her mother looks at her then with a questionable look, 'Yes...I can see why you would feel that way.'

Lily quickly blinks thinking she might have revealed too much. She picks up her things and walks towards the door before her mother could start analysing her, 'Goodnight mum, see you in the morning.' She walks out and closes the door quickly behind her not giving her mother a chance to speak.

L was leaning on the wall opposite the door; his face was of course as blank as ever, he was twiddling with the rope of his dressing gown.

'Everything alright?' He asked looking straight into her eyes.

Lily clears her throat and smiles perhaps a little too widely, 'Yes, everything is fine. Thank you for offering to walk to me back, it's very chivalrous.'

L slowly peels himself away from the wall, as he did his robe fell open, it was just enough for Lily to see he was topless under it. Seeing his porcelain skin made Lily's mouth a little dry, she swallowed trying to moisten it again.

This was a very bad situation she thought. She never expected for L to be so attractive and so young. He obviously wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea as he was indeed very odd but that's what Lily was obviously attracted too. He was delicate and otherworldly looking. But his mind was strong and his voice was almost hypnotising. Even the dark circles under his eyes and black messy hair didn't deter her attraction to him.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime to sit in her mother's sessions with L; so she could have done with not having to fight against this overwhelming attraction to her patient. She was so angry with herself. How long could she keep this up for? She thought.

L came in close and then held out his arm for her to take. 'Shall we then?' He raised his eyebrows a little.'

Lily giggled at the unexpected gesture and took his arm with hers.

They both felt the instant heat and electricity coming from each other's energy.

L let out a breath he was holding. He didn't know why exactly he had done that. This would probably only be the fourth time in his life that he purposely physically touched someone. Then again he wasn't feeling himself.

They walked together silently. The sound of dishes being put away somewhere echoed through the house and footsteps upstairs were heard shuffling about. As they came to the staircase a couple of children ran past them giggling.

Lily smiled as she watched the children laugh and run down the hall they had just come from.

'I must say I thought this house would be swarming with people, but I've hardly seen a soul.'

'That would be because many of them have gone to the temple. I'm afraid I can't reveal too much on the subject, but we all go there to learn ancient techniques of meditation, some forms of martial arts and enlightment.'

Lily's eyes widened with this new information, 'Wow that sounds wonderful. And this is Watari's doing?'

'Yes, he believes in giving us the best chance in life. Preparing us for anything and everything by balancing and then training the mind body and soul.'

But it didn't prepare you for the Kira case did it? She inwardly asks. She squeezed his arm a little attempting to give him a subtle form of comfort. He didn't react except for his eyes looking down at their arms for a moment then back up again.

'Are you tired Lily? If not I could show you the fountain?' He asked suddenly.

Lily was tired, so very tired in fact but she didn't want to let go of his arm and really didn't want to say goodnight just yet, so she lied. 'No I'm not tired; I would love to see it.' She gleamed up at him.

He looked down at her for a moment, their faces close, he then quickly turned them around and they headed back down the stair case. Lily hadn't even noticed they had walked up them.

They walked in silence again until they reached one of the gardens many double back doors.

L released her arm and flicked a switch on the wall beside them. Lily gasped as the garden which had been pitch black was now illuminated with beautiful lights of blue, white and purple coming from a huge fountain. It was almost as tall as the house.

L opens one of the doors and holds it open for Lily. Lily smiles and walks through. The sound of the fountain was like a waterfall and she watched with a child's wonder.

'Wow this is beautiful; it should never be off.'

'The groundskeeper always turns it off before he leaves for the night because the lights will interfere with the fish's routine.'

She turns to face him, 'Fish? '

He nods motioning her to follow him. They walk up to the fountain, he points down into it.

It was very deep she thought then she notices fish; Koi to be exact swimming around happily.

She sits on the ledge on the fountain and dips her finger in the water, she giggles as a fish comes and gives it a curious suckle. 'They are beautiful.'

L stares at her again, 'Yes beautiful...they are Watari's pride and joy. The children love them also. When they become too large we move them to pond on the other side of the land.'

She smiles up at him and then stands up looking at the falling water. It shone as if it were millions of falling crystals as it caught the light.

After a few moments she turns her head to look at him, he was now looking up at the fountain with a strange and almost sad expression on his face.

'What are you thinking L?' She asks keeping her voice as light as possible.

He doesn't answer for a few moments. Lily waits patiently; she could sense he was deep in thought.

He sighs then starts to speak, 'The fountain makes me think of the different levels of existence. I wonder what level we as humans belong to.'

Very deep thinking indeed Lily thought. She looked at the fountain again with its many platforms and understood L's perception.

'Well it's a difficult question. I suppose looking at the behaviour of humans as a whole we can't be that high up. I mean a race that kills each other for greed, money and power and also the planet for that matter cannot be too evolved. I think we give ourselves way too much credit.'

She could feel the blood rush up to her face in anger. She couldn't stand the human race, well the destructive and evil ones anyway.

L started to chuckle, yes chuckle. Lily almost gave herself whiplash while turning to face him in surprise. She couldn't believe he was laughing, well chuckling at her.

'What is so funny?' She asked confused.

'Apologies, I am not accustomed to hearing people actually speak the truth about what is going on in the world, most are ignorant and prefer to live in their protected four walled bubbles. It's just refreshing to hear Miss Everly.'

'Lily please.'

His smile disappeared and his eyes softened as he said, 'Lily.'

She couldn't do this the thought; she was allowing herself to get too close to him. Yes they were only being friendly and chit chatting, but the energy between them was overwhelming. She had no idea however if he could feel it or even if he found her attractive. Either way she felt it and had to try and keep her feelings as distant as she could.

It was proving harder by the minute however as L's energy calmed her and excited her simultaneously; he was almost like a drug. She loved being around him and loved speaking with him, he spoke like no one she had ever encountered before. He didn't even seem depressed, but there was something definitely weighing down on his shoulders; she could at least pick up on that.

'Well I think I better call it a night L, thank you for being so open in tonight's session, and thank you showing me this of course.' She pointed up at the fountain.

'You're welcome Lily. Oh before you go here.' He reached into his pocket and pulled out a coin, 'Make a wish.' He smirked slightly.

She smiled and took he coin from him. 'Wait won't this poison the fish? The metal I mean?'

L shook his head slowly, 'Gold.' He stated simply.

Wow a solid gold coin she thought, he must have plenty of them if he could afford to flick them into fountains for wishing. She turned towards the fountain and closed her eyes. She wished her wish and flicked the coin into the fountain.

She would of loved to share her wish with him but something told her she best keep it to herself otherwise it might not come true; that's what the fairytale stories said anyway


	4. chapter 4

The next session was a little different. Firstly L had had the cooks bake fresh pastries and cakes, an unlimited amount of tea and so many chocolates. The reading room smelt like a bakery and Lily's stomach rumbled.

'Good evening L,' Said her mother while she shuffled out of her blazer as the room was very warm again with the fire burning. Seemed like L enjoyed the warmth.

Lily had to admit she liked the atmosphere feeling so cosy and sweet smelling. Felt like Christmas she thought.

L was busy dunking in a biscuit in his sugary tea; he answered her after plunging the whole thing into his mouth. 'Good evening Doctor Everly,' he said with a full mouth.

Lily hadn't seen much of L in the day, only for meals mainly. He seemed to be preoccupied. It was good Lily thought, the more time they spent apart the better. Hadn't stopped her missing his presence though.

Her mother waited patiently for L to consume a few more biscuits before starting.

'How are you feeling today L, did you sleep well?' She asked

L shrugged, 'Like I said I don't feel much anymore, but I suppose I don't feel bad.' His eyes slowly focus onto Lily.

Lily smiles slyly at him so her mother wouldn't see.

'It's my mind,' He continued as if he anticipated the Doctor's next question looking back at her. 'I understand you're probably very much aware of who I am and what I do.' He leans forward and grabs an éclair from the table and starts licking away at the chocolate on top.

'I am yes; I have been following your work for a good number of years.'

'Then perhaps you could also understand that I believe sleep is a waste of time. It is recommended for people to have around eight hours of sleep. So that is let's say one third of a day, meaning one third of a person life's is spent sleeping if they were to live to at least seventy five they would have spent 25 years asleep. That number is unfathomable to me and so I make do with less.'

'How much is less?'

L finishes off the éclair with a satisfied groan. He wipes off the excess cream from his lips. 'An hour or two a day, it's usually split up throughout the day though; I don't tend to sleep at night.'

Doctor Everly resisted shaking her head; she couldn't believe someone like L whose mind was always awake and aware could still function at his level of intelligence with such little sleep.

'Do you wish you could sleep for longer?'

'That question implies that you don't think I sleep well doctor whereas I merely stated that I find sleep to be a waste of time, my mind and focus can be used elsewhere.'

Lily's gets busy writing down notes about L's sleep patterns and behaviour.

'I'm sure you have heard of serotonin and melatonin? Her mother asked.

'Yes, Serotonin is a monoamine neurotransmitter. It is known as the happy hormone and contributes greatly to the feeling of happiness and well-being. Apparently research has also linked that the UV rays from the sun trigger an influx of serotonin to allow people to awake gently from sleep and feel more energised. Whereas Melatonin is the opposite. It is the sleep hormone produced in the pineal gland to prepare us for sleep when it becomes darker. Too much melatonin can be released when one sleeps for too long. This can cause a constant feeling of tiredness, fatigue and depression. Same also goes for a lack of serotonin, it can cause depression and because it's an amino acid having too little could cause one to feel exhausted and unmotivated.'

Neither Lily or her mother were expecting such a long and informative answer, however they weren't surprised, this was L after all.

'Impressive L, but knowing all of this information, don't you think you should be having at least six hours a night/day? Regardless of the fact that you find it a waste of time. If it is what your body requires to feel healthy then why not try?'

L leans forward again and picks up a vanilla cupcake; it takes a bite and then holds it up straight above his head. 'This is why.' He proudly says. 'Sugar, spice and everything nice.'

Lily tried not to smile but failed. He was somewhat frustrating as all they wanted to do was help, but how could you advise probably one of the most intelligent people on the planet what was good for him? Even though he wasn't acting like the young genius he was.

'Hmm, would I be correct in saying that you have low self worth?' Her mother suddenly answered.

Lily was quite taken back by the intrusive and personal question; it was only the second session after all. Was her mother always this intrusive?

L however did not seem bothered at all, 'I suppose from the outside one would think that about me. I am skinny, scruffy, I eat far too much toxic food, I don't sleep...' He finishes off the cupcake. 'But it's quite the contrary Doctor. I am egotistical, childish, I hate to lose, I hate to be outsmarted or outwitted, I love the sound of my own voice, I enjoy putting people in their place and I enjoy the being the cat catching the mouse...at least I used too.'

'Are you willing to share why this has all changed? You obviously know the reason and it will be difficult treating you unless I know the entire truth L.'

He looks to Lily again then quickly down at his feet. 'No, now is not the time.'

If her mother was frustrated she never gave it away, she always had a doctor face on as Lily called it, always the same expression with the same tone of voice, almost like a robot.

'Very well, change of pace then. Could you describe what your childhood was like? I understand you came here at a very young age, do you remember that day?'

'I remember the sound of bells; this house has a clock tower and when I hear bells an array of emotions flood my mind.'

'And they are?'

'Well the first is anxiety and sadness. You see I remember standing outside in the rain, holding a strangers hand outside the front door. I was two I believe and I knew just by the look of the place that it was where I was going to remain. I can't remember my parents but I remember the feeling of loss for them. I knew my life was going to change forever.'

He finished off his tea and clanked it down in the saucer on the table. 'But then I met Watari and he gave me a purpose in life. He unleashed what I could and eventually did become.

'And is that why you feel the way you do now? Because you don't believe you have a purpose? Because you know as you said, that there is always something much worse than you? Does that mean that something which was revealed from the Kira case can outsmart you L?'

L ruffled his hair and sat back looking up at the ceiling, he sighed loudly. 'I can see why a lot of people would feel comforted by therapy. A lot of it consists of repeating the words that the patient has said then re-wording them into professional sounding statements and advice. However I find it frustrating.'

Lily could feel L's tension, yes he probably did make a good point which Lily wouldn't openly agree with but she noticed that was a way of not answering her mother's question.'

'L, believe it or not I am here to help. You are a very unique and brilliant individual and you have people who love and care for you.'

'You believe love exists? Don't you believe the scientific evidence that is it just the chemicals in the brain?'

'Do you?'

You're deliberately ducking my questions.'

'As are you.' She shot back.

'Touché.'

Her mother chuckles, 'Alright L, just answer me one of the questions I have asked you and then we can move on.' Her mother promised.

Again L sighs and then grabs a platter of chocolates and starts to eat them one by one. He suddenly stops and stands up. Both Lily and her mother watch him closely.

He starts to make his way towards Lily. She looks to her mother quickly then back to L. He bends a little revealing the tempting tray of dark chocolates. 'Please help yourself Lily, I know you love chocolate perhaps as much I do so you know what to do, we have been here before.' He smirks at her mischievously.

Lily started to blush...again and was about to decline when the sweet smell of dark and rich chocolate filled her nostrils. 'Thank you for being thoughtful L, I'll take these two.' She quickly picked a couple of them up.

He held her gaze for a few moments; oh lord what must her mother be thinking right now? She thought.

She was relieved when he turned around holding the platter. He quickly offered up the train to her mother who just shook her head with a smile and then sat back down.

He ate a chocolate and then swallowed. Her mother waited patiently, never giving anything away, she always gave her patients as much time as they needed.

Lily subtly snuck one of the chocolates into her mouth and inwardly moaned. A few seconds afterwards she ate the other one as it seemed L might never answer her mother.

Then after for what seemed to be an hour L finally answered. 'Yes.'

'Yes to what L.'

'I believe love exists and that is something stronger than just a matter of chemicals in the brain casing a reaction.'

Lily wiped her mouth from chocolate, she had to admit but she wasn't expecting L to answer that particular question and with that answer to.'

'And have you felt love for someone else L?'

'Hmm, I'm not sure. You see I find it difficult to identify my own emotions when dealing with other people. I can easily talk to myself, get along with myself and work with myself. But I believe I am socially inadequate and so to answer your question doctor I believe it would be very difficult for me to identify love, either receiving it or feeling it for another.'

'I understand, so what about Watari? The kindness and care he has given you all these years and also contacting me because he worries for your well being seems like love to me, but would you agree?'

L raises his thumb to his lips; funny that's the same thing he did when he was watching her in the aviary Lily thought.

'Hmm, yes I suppose it would point to love. A parental love for a child, I suppose to Watari we are all his children here.'

'It certainly looks that way.'

'Then I must really be some sort of a monster.' L concludes.

'Why would do you think that?'

'Because I don't fuss about him the way he does I.'

Her mother smiles at him. 'That's because he is playing the parental role and children don't usually fuss over their parents, well not as much anyway. Would I be correct in saying so Lily?'

L looks over to Lily with a curious expression. He seemed so innocent.

'Lily chuckles as she finishes scribbling some notes down, 'yes I'm afraid so, I don't have the time.' She looks up at L who holds her gaze and nibbles his thumb in thought.

Her mother then continues, 'It just sounds to me L that you feel a little guilty with the lack of attention you give back to Watari. I would recommend if this is the case to speak with him about it and maybe you'll get to hear his views on it. It will give you peace of mind just by speaking to him. Will you try that?'

L shrugs a little and takes his thumb away from his lips. 'Yes, I suppose it can't hurt.'

'Well then I think we can leave it there for tonight.' She says pleasantly while standing up.

However L doesn't stand up, 'Thank you doctor. If you don't mind I would like to eat some more and stay until the fire burns out.'

Her mother smiles and retrieves her blazer. She looks behind her and notices Lily hadn't quite finished packing up, 'I'll see you upstairs then Lily.'

Lily looks up thinking it was a little odd for her mother not to wait for her, so she just nods.

Her mother smiles and then walks past L, 'See you tomorrow then L,' she taps him lightly on his shoulder, he doesn't move but Lily could tell he wasn't used to being touched. He didn't seem that way with her she thought. She smiled a little to herself. Okay calm down school girl she mocked herself.

It was silent as she packed up her pencil case and note books and put them in her little tote whale bag. Yes she admitted she was deliberately taken her time hoping he might say something to her, but she was also thinking she should hurry and get out trying to keep it professional.

She stood up and turned towards the door; of course she had to walk past him to get to the door.

She started making her way; he wasn't making a sound, only the fireplace and her footsteps could be heard even though it was carpeted floors.

She smiled and nodded at him as she passed even though he wasn't looking at her. 'So I'll see you tomorrow then L, goodnight.'

She went to take a hold of the door handle, 'Won't you stay and sit with me for a while?' He asked breaking the silence.

Her heart started to beat a little faster; yes she had secretly been hoping he would say something but now that he had she felt nervous and conflicted not knowing if it were a good idea.

She turned around slightly; he was facing her, his eyes wide but giving nothing away. He was so unbelievably hard to read, it was so incredibly frustrating especially to her as she always had a knack for reading people.

Seeming to pick up she was hesitant he pointed towards the trays of food, 'there is still some food left, would you like some? I'm afraid I am feeling a little full up from today's session.'

She giggled turning completely to face him now, 'well you did eat a good amount of chocolates, biscuits and cakes.'

'You may have noticed I am addicted to sugar.'

She walked closer to the armchair next to him, 'Yes I had noticed, but it may also be the dairy too, it contains casomorphines which are hormones to basically attach the calf to its mother and drink her milk getting it nice and fat.'

'Hmm well lucky for me everything here is dairy free, I believe I am lactose intolerant and have never liked the idea of consuming anything from animals. Sometimes consuming any kind of food is hard enough, except for sweets of course.'

It seemed she had made up her mind about whether to stay or not as soon as her bum sat down on the comfy armchair. 'Well now I am intrigued to taste an éclair that is dairy free.'

'Then please,' he gestures towards the pastries, 'help yourself.'

She smirks at him sheepishly then picks up an éclair from the table and bites into it. It was delicious, the cream, the chocolate everything was perfect. 'Mm, wow this is so good. You wouldn't even know the difference.'

He smiles and nods.

She doesn't take long to eat the whole thing in a few mouthfuls, then she says to him, 'I'm sorry if I look greedy, I know I'm not a stick myself but I am actually really hungry.'

He shakes his head, 'I'm not judging; you can have as many as you want.'

'Oh don't tempt me,' She winks.

He chuckles lightly; she was very amusing to watch he thought. She wasn't like anyone else he had ever met, or spoken with; mostly people were always so serious around him or were annoyed with him for some reason. Lily however seemed to completely be at ease with him as if they had known each other for a while. She was also quite pleasing to look at. L was still a man after all and even he could appreciate a woman's beauty. He also preferred that she was no stick as she had put it. He hadn't thought of it much before but when he did notice a woman he found attractive they had always been curvaceous.

Lily was certainly curvaceous and had long chestnut hair that was usually tied up in a ponytail; he wondered what she would look like with it down.

'You look deep in thought L, everything alright?' Lily suddenly asks shaking him from his musings.

'Hmm? Oh yes I'm fine, was just debating whether to eat another cupcake or not.'

'Ha-ha, well best make a wise decision, or you could blow up.'

L snorted a little. He then notices she had missed a bit of chocolate on the corner of her mouth. 'Oh you have a...a bit of.' He points to his own mouth.

'Oh god, I knew it was a bad idea to eat an éclair. Where?' She starts wiping her face all over but kept missing the chocolate.

L tries to guide her but she keeps missing, they laugh when it becomes silly.

He sighs, 'Oh just hold still,' He leans forward towards her and with his thumb starts wiping the chocolate smudge from her mouth.

She giggles at first and looks away. She tried to stop her mind thinking about making eye contact and looking at his lips. He smelt so sweet.

'It's a stubborn smudge.' He says still wiping. 'Hold on.' He turns around picks up a napkin, dunks it into his tea and turns back around. 'This should work.' He starts wiping again.'

She giggles, 'Ew I'm going to have a tea stain on my skin now.'

'Better than chocolate he smiles.'

It was really a gorgeous smile she thought. 'I feel like I'm five,'

'Then perhaps you shouldn't eat like one.'

She gasps and playfully slaps his arm, 'Says you mister grown adult eating nothing but sweets.'

He chuckles again, 'I have particular tastes.'

'I don't know how your teeth have stayed so white.'

Neither of them had realised but L had wiped away the chocolate smudge a while back but he was still leaning forward keeping their faces close.

'I have a brilliant dentist.' He boasts.

'You must have so many fillings.'

He starts to feel around is mouth with his tongue, 'No, I think it's only five, no six.'

'Only? That's a lot. Let me see.'

He rolls his eyes and opens his mouth; she takes a look in and starts to count the white fillings. 'One, two, three, four, five, six..., L you have at least ten.'

He looks a little dumbfounded, 'really? Hmm, someone must have snuck them in there when I wasn't aware.'

Lily laughed, I think you would have notice; it's a good thing you don't have the metal ones though. I've heard the mercury they use in them is toxic.'

He smiled at her then, 'sounds like you are concerned about me.' He teases.

Of course she starts to blush and then her cheeks flush even more when she realises how close he still was to her. Why hadn't he moved back?

'Well of course I am; you are my patient.'

'So you're saying it's just your profession that keeps you concerned for me?' He asks suddenly serious.

Lily knew what she should say, she should say yes it was therefore keeping that professional distance between doctor and patient, but she hadn't once felt like his doctor here, how could she? She wasn't even allowed to ask him questions.

He took her moment of silence as a yes and started to sit back away from her.

Feeling his energy drop, she placed her hand on his. He froze and then slowly looked up to face her.

'No L, it's not just because of my professional position. I care about you of course. You are incredible and I don't like to think of you being in such a low place mentally. I want to help you not just as a doctor.'

'What else?' He asks quietly.

Lily shrugs, 'someone who cares, a friend...'

'A friend, I can say I don't have many of them.'

She smiles and shakes her head, 'It's because you're different and that is a good thing, you don't want to be like everyone else.'

'Not even when being different can become lonely?'

She didn't know what to say then, all she knew is she wanted to comfort him and in a moment of insanity leant towards him focusing on his lips.

She didn't know if L knew what she was going to do but she didn't care, she just had to, no she wanted to.'

Like something out of a film a clock in the room suddenly starts to ring interrupting them. It was loud and the log fire had already died out. She peers over at the clock as notices the time, it was half one in the morning. L however keeps his focus on her.

She sighed, she didn't want to but she started to make her excuses. 'Wow it's late, for me anyway. I should be getting to bed.'

She couldn't be certain but she could have sworn L's expression was one of disappointment. He squeezed his lips together and quickly looked down at hers. He then nods and backs away quickly. 'Yes of course, it's my fault I shouldn't have kept you so late.'

Lily stood up and pulled her bag over her shoulder, 'Don't be silly, it was fun, I had fun.' She smiled innocently acting as though they hadn't been just moments away from kissing. 'I'll see you in the morning then, sleep well if you do and try not to eat so much sugar before bed.' She giggles walks over to the door and opens it stepping out.

She looks back at him and he nods with a little smile, she smiles back and closes the door.


	5. Chapter 5

It was lovely warm morning, so Lily had asked her mother to take her around the estate like Watari had done with her mother when they had first arrived.

They took the eastern footpath as her mother had told her how beautiful and peaceful it was. That was the beauty of their relationship, they never had to keep the idle chit chatting going if they didn't want to; they had walked a good 20 minutes before her mother started speaking.

'What time did you come up in the end? I didn't hear you; I must have fallen asleep straight away.' He mother inquired.

Lily didn't want to lie to her mother, besides it wasn't as if she and L could never spend time together as friends. 'Um, well L and I sat there for a little while. He offered me one of those delicious éclairs. Can you believe everything he eats is dairy free?'

'Yes Watari told me when we were waiting for you on the first day at lunch.'

'Ah okay, I haven't been able to speak to Watari much, has he spoken to you about L? Has he said anything about the sessions?'

'No, L hasn't said a word nor has he complained and that is a sign that he is happy to keep coming to sessions so Watari says.'

'You're not convinced he is?

'I know valuable information is being kept hidden from us by L and Watari. I understand the Kira case is confidential but as L's psychiatrist I need to know what he went through and what has traumatised him other than all the deaths he encountered. Otherwise I will have a hard time treating him and also how can I advise him on any coping strategies if I don't know the full story.'

Lily knew her mother liked a challenge but she hated being kept in the dark when she knew the truth was known by more than one individual.

'You would think after all the confidentiality contracts we signed they would at least give us a little more insight to what went all in the Kira case.' Lily pointed out.

'Indeed.'

They came up to another footpath leading them in a woodland area. They walked again in silence.

Her mother holds a tree branch to one side allowing Lily to pass and take the lead. 'I have noticed however that L acts a little differently with you than he does anyone else.'

'How do you mean?' Lily plays innocent.

'Well for one thing he calls you Lily.'

'That's because I asked him too as he kept calling me Miss Everly which made me sound older than I am.'

'Charming.' He mother retorted.

Lilt snorted, 'Well it's true, plus it just felt more comfortable being that he is closer to my age and all.'

'How old is he?'

'I actually don't know, I am just guessing he is in his late twenties, but he acts younger a lot of the time.'

'What do you think of him?' Her mother asks.

Lily wasn't sure whether these questions where from her mother the doctor or from her mother as her mother.

Lily tries to keep her answer as simple as possible, 'He is very interesting and I am intrigued to learn more about him, what makes him tick, happy, sad etc.' Wait that didn't sound like a simple answer she thought.

'Hmm, yes he is certainly interesting and not at all what I was expecting. I was at least expecting someone closer to my age. '

'Ha ha, does he make you feel old mum?'

'Not old, just a little stupid.'

They both laugh; her mother was always so open with how she felt and Lily loved that about her.

L was sitting with Kiki, who was an exceptionally intelligent child, especially for the age of six.

They were sitting in the library. L was reading her a book on photography. Although Kiki was more than able to read any book in the entire library, she enjoyed the way L read things to her with his monotone voice.

L had only agreed because he hadn't slept for two days and hopefully reading would help him fall asleep.

He puts the book down for a moment and looks at Kiki. She was an adorable girl, with two long black bunches sitting high on her head; they were almost as long as her entire body. She had two huge green eyes, almost as huge as L's.

'Are you positive you want me to read? I can always go away and leave you in peace.' L said desperately wanting to get away and try to sleep, or eat come cookies.

Kiki nods with confidence.

L sighs and looks up. 'Fine but I am not reading the whole thing, I have things to do.'

Kiki didn't look convinced but she didn't say anything.

He read a few more pages when Kiki suddenly jumped out from her seat and went to the window.

L turned to look at what she had seen and then his eyes widened. It was Lily and her mother walking up the path towards the woodlands.

'They are quite beautiful aren't they L? We don't have a lot of older women here.'

L gets up, puts down the book and comes over to the window next to Kiki. They both watch them silently for a few moments. He could see Lily was laughing and smiling with her mother; she always seemed so happy which confused L a little as he hardly smiled or laughed, there wasn't really anything in L's life to laugh about.

After what happened with Light and the Death Note L felt lost and very much alone. He always had welcomed solitude; in fact that's when he would work his best. But now because he knew what could be lurking within a realm that he cannot see he found he didn't like being alone anymore. This angered him as he has never felt scared, but anxiety or frustration but never scared.

'Can we go and join them on their walk L?' Asked Kiki sweetly.

L looked at Lily again and felt that strange feeling in his stomach that only seemed to come about when she was around. Or it could be that he had eaten too much; it has happened before and will probably happen again.

'Yes, I'm sure they won't mind.' He said finally.

Lily and her mother had found the pond L had mentioned before. 'Ah this must be the pond where they release all the Koi that get too big for the fountain,' Lily said looking down in the water.

'How do you know that?' Her mother said coming to stand next to her.

'L told me when he showed me the fountain, have you seen it mum the fountain?'

'Yes the big white one?'

'Yeah that's it, it's so beautiful at night when all the lights are on, we should get one.'

'Oh yeah sure, I will start charging a few thousand by the hour then from now on.'

'Ha ha, very funny. But yeah we should definitely get one.'

'So L showed you the fountain hmm? At night too?' He mother probed.

'Yeees, there is nothing unusual about looking at a fountain in the night.' Lily said a little defensively. She knew her mother had started onto something.

'Hmm, must of been quite a romantic setting, two young singletons, a majestic fountain and at night oh and don't forget the magical Koi.' Her mother teased.

Lily slapped her mother on the arm; deciding not to tell her about the golden coined wish.

Lily was about to defend herself when she heard footsteps and rustling behind them.

They both turned around to find a cute little girl with bunches and a huge camera dangling around her neck.

'Oh hello, what's your name?' Her mother asked sweetly.

The girl didn't say anything but then looked behind her and then to Lily's surprise L walked out from the bushes. 'Oh L, hey.' She said feeling awkward because of what her mother had just been implying; she prayed he hadn't heard any of it.

'Hello Lily, Doctor Everly.' He greeted politely.

'Hello L, you two decided to come for a walk too?' Vivian asked smiling warmly.

'Well it was Kiki's idea.' He said in his signature monotone voice.

Kiki just nodded.

'Well I'm not surprised, this part of the estate is beautiful, is it a Japanese Garden?' Lily asked.

'Very well observed' He said talking towards them with Kiki beside him. 'It is a Japanese garden centred around water. If you would like Kiki and I can show you the bridge and waterfall a little up ahead.'

'That sounds lovely thank you; I didn't come this far with Watari so it's nice to see something new.' Her mother said.

Her mother walked ahead of Lily and walked with Kiki ahead, Lily suspected her mother had done this on purpose which would be odd as why would her mother want Lily to become close to their patient, it just wasn't done in their field of work. Or Lily could be reading too much into it as she sometimes did.

L watched Kiki and Doctor Everly walk ahead of them; he then turned back to Lily seeming to wait for her.

He was dressed in the same blue jeans and white top combo but this time he was wearing old, beaten up trainers with no socks. He was so odd she thought but she really liked that about him.

When she was by his side they started walking together. Lily still felt very embarrassed and little awkward especially after what had happened, or had almost happened last night. Perhaps L didn't think of it as a big deal. 'So did you manage to get any sleep at all?' Lily asks lightly.

'No, but I am starting to feel tired, so perhaps tonight I will succumb to it.'

'How long has it been, since you last slept?' She asked curiously.

He kept his head down as he spoke, his hair covering his eyes; he had beautiful white skin Lily thought. But perhaps too white, he really should get some more vitamin D. 'Hmm let's see...' it's been about two days now, pretty standard for me.'

'Oh my god L, how are you still functioning? Are you not feeling light headed, or tired at all?' She tried to keep her voice as calm as possible but she was very concerned for him.

'No, I feel normal; however I do wish to sleep tonight.'

'You realise how dangerous it can be L, to go without sleep for so long. I mean if you stay awake for too long that when you do sleep you could slip into a coma and never wake up.'

'Oh that has already occurred a couple of times but obviously I woke up.' He said it so casually.

'What? Seriously?'

'Yes, I was in a coma for a week once, but when I awoke finally I still felt tired.'

'You're lucky you woke up at all.' Lily said a little angrily, she was so scared for him.

'You're a little confusing Lily, even to me.'

'How so?' Lily asked feel a little defensive.

'You obviously care about my welfare, more than any doctor or professional has in the past and it just confuses me.'

'Well I told you last night L, I care for you as a friend too.' She didn't want to bring last night up but she did anyway as she wanted to him to understand.

He didn't say anything for a while after that.

They all came to a beautiful waterfall and in the middle of the pond was a little wooden bridge. There was wild bluebells everywhere; it looked like a secret magical garden.

'Oh my god, this is beautiful, so serene.' She walked a little ahead of him. 'You must meditate here?' She asked smiling.

'I used to yes, I would sit on the bank by the waterfall, it's astonishing really how calming and therapeutic the sound of a waterfall can be.' He said seriously.

Kiki suddenly giggled as she started to take pictures of her mother posing in ridiculous poses.

Lily smiled and shook her head, not very professional mother, she thought.

Lily snuck past them and went to walk on the bridge; she faced the waterfall and closed her eyes. It was heaven. She could hear Kiki's camera shutter going off but she didn't open her eyes. She was too lost in the tranquillity of the garden.

'Put it in my hair like a princess!' Kiki yelled excitedly.

Lily opened her eyes and caught sight of L putting a bluebell in Kiki's hair. He didn't smile but she could tell by the look on his eyes he was relaxed.

Lily smiled thinking the two couldn't be any more adorable.

Kiki suddenly pointed to Lily, Lily smiled but didn't know why she was pointing at her.

L started walking towards her, he made his way onto the bridge, he was holding a bluebell in his hand. 'Apparently you are all princesses and that entails you all to wear bluebells in your hair.' He said sarcastically.

Lily laughed, 'Well I feel flattered being called a princess.' She looked over his shoulder and noticed Kiki putting a bluebell in her mother's hair.

She then looked at the bluebell in L's hand. 'Is that one for me then?' She asked amused.

'Yes.' He said simply.

She nodded and went to take it from him, he pulled away a little. 'Allow me.'

It wasn't a question but she nodded anyway.

He stepped a little closer to her and gently tucked her hair behind her ear. He then started to place the flower carefully behind it; he seemed to be focusing quite intently. Lily didn't look away this time; she kept her eyes on him.

He glanced at her then quickly then looked back at the flower clearing his throat. The energy between them was now impossible to ignore. Lily certainly couldn't ignore it anymore and she didn't want to. She just wanted to know what was going on inside his head; he might be oblivious to it all.

She could hear Kiki's shutter going off again and smiled.

'It's rude to take a picture without asking.' He yelled back to Kiki without looking.

Lily laughed when Kiki took no notice.

L then stepped back a little and looked Lily straight in the eye, 'There all done.'

Lily felt the flower behind her ear, 'That took you a while.' She giggled.

'Yes well, I've never done that before.' Was he blushing a little? No he couldn't be could he?

'Well from what I can tell you did a good job.'

He smiled a little and it made Lily's heart melt. Yes melt alright. Whenever L smiled or smirked it was exciting and adorable because he hardly ever did.

'Look over here then you two, I am now asking your permission.' Kiki yelled.

'No you are ordering us.' L yelled back.

Lily rolled her eyes and took L's arm to turn him around, 'Come on she is insanely adorable and it's nice for her to be so passionate about something.' She whispered to him.

L didn't say anything nor did he drop his arm.

Lily noticed the smirk on her mother's face but ignored it as Lily knew she wouldn't hear the last of anyway later on.

'Smile then! Especially you L, you never smile in photos.' Kiki ordered.

He sighed, 'I'll try but I can't promise anything' he said sulkily.

Lily giggled and kept her arm locked with his as they posed for a few photos. It was a surreal but wonderful moment that Lily would always hold dear to her.


	6. Chapter 6

All of them came rushing in the house. It had started raining when they were making their way back which now meant they were all soaked to the bone.

Kiki had an armful of wild mushrooms she had found and had brought them back for the cooks to add to their dinner in some way.

Watari walked out from his office to inspect the noise. He was taken back when he saw what a state they were all in, but what surprised him most of all was that L was with them, in the same state and was smiling.

He smiled watching them all, 'Where have you all been?' he asked chuckling.

Kiki ran up to him and showed all the mushrooms she had picked, 'we took a long walk and look at the all the mushrooms I found!'

'Excellent, best give them to Francis then to prepare.'

Kiki giggled and ran off straight away, Watari called after her, 'I'll run you a bath for when you came back.'

'That sounds like a wonderful idea, I'm going to run one for myself then, if you'll excuse me.' Her mother said pleasantly and walked away quickly after removing her boots.

'I'm afraid we have soaked the floor here,' said Lily apologetically.

Watari shook his head, 'don't worry yourself it seems the walk has done you all some good.'

'Yes it was lovely and a little wild at the end; seemed as though the clouds just burst.' Giggled Lily. She suddenly put her hand on L's shoulder for balance, 'sorry L could I just use you for balance?' She laughed.

'I don't suppose I have a choice as you have already decided.' He smirked seeming totally with ease as Lily awkwardly peeled off one boot then the next pushing down heavily on his shoulder; he stood strong and didn't move.

Watari could hardly believe his eyes, it seemed the good doctor and her charming daughter was really making a positive impact on L.

He smiled at L who glanced back at him and frowned in confusion; a look Watari had received many times which was a great indicator that L was feeling more himself again.

'Thank you L' Said Lily amusingly. 'Now I think I better freshen up as well; I can't believe how soaked we are.'

Usually happens when you caught in the rain.' L teased.

Lily tuts and rolls her eyes playfully, yes yes always stating the obvious detective.' She smirked knowing she had called him that for a reason.

L watched her walk away with a million thoughts going through his head. It had been a long time since he was called detective, or even felt like a detective for that matter. He was admired and had always been praised for his deducting skills; it just came natural to him but he sometimes wondered that if he didn't have Watari or Wammy's to return too he would have lost his mind a long time ago.

There was always that stereotype he had read about on numerous occasions where the highly intelligent detective would take huge risks (which L did) and were likely addicted to drugs to escape from the boredom of life.

Drugs had never appealed to L, he had seen what they had done to some of the criminals he had come across; it had made them careless, slow and erratic and therefore easy to track down, for him anyway.

Then Light Yagami came a long and turned everything upside down. It seemed L had indeed met his match. However ego and a proclaimed sense of power was what in the end failed Light.

L sometimes thought his injuries from the last fight with Light should have killed him too. He would be in peace, never having to come to terms with what is truly out there and what life and death meant altogether.

He shook his head and noticed he was still standing in the hallway, dripping wet. Watari was busy calling the home keeper to come and clean the mess left by everyone.

L tried to sneak away while Watari was occupied.

'Hold on L, I want to speak with you.' Watari called after him without even looking in his direction.

L stopped but didn't turn around; he hadn't spoken to Watari for weeks without someone else being there. It seemed as though he felt a little, ashamed or embarrassed for allowing the Kira case to affect him the way it did. He tried his very best to hide it from Watari but unfortunately the old man knew L; knew him too well.

Watari finished speaking to the house keeper and turned towards him. 'Can I discuss something with you?'

L started to shiver, 'normally I would agree however I am soaking wet and freezing.' He said without turning around.

'I won't keep you then, I'll just ask the one question.' He didn't wait for L to agree. 'It's regarding Miss Everly. I have seen how you are with her. How you smile, not pulling away when she touches you, and you even go out and join her for walks.'

'That was Kiki's idea' L quickly stated.

'I see, but even so you have to admit it she is having an effect on you.'

'Is that the question?'

'I'll rephrase, are you fond of Miss Everly?'

L took a breath and pondered on the question; he knew the answer of course he did. But admitting his vulnerability to Watari was harder than he thought. He had always thought feelings and growing fond of people was a sign of weakness and he imagined Watari thought the same. 'She is not what I expected. I did not foresee her crossing my path especially at this strange and uncertain time.' He sighed sadly. 'You understand Watari I am not one to express my emotions well or even express them at all. I know how I am but I have always been like this, this is who I am and I don't see myself changing for anyone.'

'But you have changed L; you haven't even looked for a case. You always wanted to be kept busy but the Kira case changed all that.'

'I don't want to talk about this now Watari.'

'When then? We must speak about what happened. I saw them too; do you not think I also need to speak about it?'

'Perhaps you should make an appointment with Dr. Everly; she can treat both of us for insanity.' He snaps back then walks out of the room without turning back.

Vivian stepped out from the bath feeling clean, warm and sleepy. It was a long but beautiful walk they had had earlier but the late night sessions with L and then the long walk today had taken their toll a little.

All wrapped in her towels she came out of the huge bathroom and into the even bigger bedroom she was staying in. She would be sad to leave it she thought.

She looked at the inviting king sized bed and thought of taking a quick nap before dinner. She smirked to herself as she allowed herself to flop backwards on to the insanely soft duvet.

She had just about closed her eyes when she heard her phone vibrating on the side. She hadn't looked at it all day as she had left it in the bedroom since the morning.

When she looked at the screen she was shocked to see fifteen missed calls from her mother.

She dialled her number as fast as she could and froze when he mother picked up sniffling.

"Oh Vivian where have you been? I've been trying to call you all day." Her mother said sadly.

'I'm sorry mum; I left my phone in the room. What's happened are you alright?' Vivian asked trying to keep her voice calm although she was worried inside.

Her mother sniffled again, "it's daddy; he's had a stroke and is in hospital, it is a bad one Vivian. I am so scared for him; you have to come to see him." She mother's voice broke at the end.

Vivian closed her eyes; she couldn't believe what she had heard. 'Oh mum. I'm so sorry. Of course I'll come. It might be a couple of days though as I am away and in the middle of treating someone.' She said guiltily.

"Vivian you don't understand, he is in critical condition. They don't know if he will pull through, you have to come, sod your work, this is your father!" Her mother yelled angrily.

'Alright mum, yes, yes of course I'll come. Just don't lose hope, dad is strong and he will pull through this.' She didn't even know if she could believe her own words as no one really knew he if would or not, but Vivian couldn't bare the thought of her dad dying.'

"Alright, can you leave now? How far away are you?"

'It will take me around three hours. I'll try and leave tonight, I'm sure they will understand.'

Her mother sighed heavily, "what about Lily? She is with you isn't she?"

'Yes she is here taking notes and assisting me with treatment.'

There was a long pause before her mother spoke again, "Vivian I don't think Lily should miss out on this opportunity; it's vital for her career and is a once in a lifetime opportunity as though you said."

'It is, but it's her grandfather; I have to tell her.'

"Of course you must, but all I am saying is that the way your father is hard to see and I don't think Lily should come; not until we know more about the situation."

'Alright, i'll ask her to stay here and take over the sessions, I have every confidence in her, I know she will do well. I just hope everyone will be alright with it, if they aren't I can always return.'

After a few more minutes their conversation ended and Vivian for the first time cried into her pillow.

Lily opened her door and saw her mother was in a dreadful way.

'Something has happened Lily, I need to talk to you.'

Lily allowed her mother in, not saying a word.

Lily and her mother had gathered Watari and L into the reading room where the sessions are usually held. They had been speaking with them for other half an hour. Vivian and Lily tried to hold back their tears but some couldn't be stopped and ran down their cheeks.

Watari was very understanding of the whole situation but he couldn't help feeling disappointed as the sessions seemed to be making an impact on L. It's not that doubted Miss Everly; she was after all intelligent and was certainly following in her mother's footsteps. It's just she and L were bonding, becoming friends and perhaps something more that Watari could see and he knew that would affect his treatment in some way.

Watari gets up and sits down next to Vivian and pats her shoulder lightly giving comfort. 'I am so very sorry to hear of this news Doctor Everly. Of course you must go and please take as much time as you need.' He then looks over to Lily, 'I am sure Miss Everly here will do a fine job, wouldn't you agree L?' He asks.

L holds his stare onto Lily for a few moments, then looks back to Watari. 'Yes of course, I have every faith in her. She had learnt from the best after all.'

Vivian smiled, 'I can't thank you enough for both of you being so understanding.'

Lily must have been the only one panicking she thought as she looked around the room. Not only was her granddad in hospital but now she had to play doctor to L. How on earth was she going to pull this off? She didn't feel ready at all and with their relationship becoming something more than professional she didn't know is she could be much help to him, as now her personal interest will surely affect her decisions and advice she will give.

She dare not speak truly of how she felt though as her mother, Watari and even L were all relying on her; how could she let them down? She had to at least give it a try.

She tried to smile as genuinely as she could muster, but this was all too much, too much pressure, too much sadness and worry. 'I'll try my very best as I have L's every interest at heart.' She said shyly.

She didn't look at L, but she could again feel his eyes on her. The amount of times his black eyes had captured her green eyes in a look that was so otherworldly it always made her a little breathless.

'Alright well I will arrange for your luggage to be brought down as I understand you're leaving tonight?' Watari asked her mother.

'Yes, well I have already packed and also prepped Lily for sessions to come, so I'm afraid I will be leaving soon.'

'Of course of course, we understand, please don't worry yourself. You must see to your father.' Watari smiled kindly.

Lily could tell her mother was putting on an extremely brave face, but she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it up for long. 'Okay um, let's go and make sure you have everything.' Lily said while rising up and walking towards the door.

Her mother nodded sadly and quickly left the room.

'I understand if you would rather postpone tonight's session until tomorrow.' L suggested.

Lily looked back at him and smiled kindly, 'Thank you L I really appreciate the thought but I don't really think you should miss a session. I will be fine to continue.'

He nodded once and with another smile to him and Watari Lily walked out of the room just in time to comfort her mother who had burst into tears.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been over an hour since Lily had seen her distraught mother off. She and L had been sitting opposite from each without saying a word for a good ten minutes.

She looked over her notes for what seemed the fifth time now and still she didn't know how to start the session off.

L's spoon clanging against the cup's saucer made her jump and look up at him. He clenched his teeth slightly, 'Sorry, it just slipped out of my fingers.'

She smiled a little patting her chest lightly with her hand. 'It may because you hold things in such an odd way?' She teased.

L picked up the spoon again and studied his fingers, only his index finger and thumb were holding the spoon with his wrist bent down. 'I've always held objects this way, I suppose it's because I'm lazy and don't put much effort in anything physical. I save all my energy for thought.'

'That's intriguing L. You seem to understand yourself well. Strangely a lot of people have no idea why they do the things they do.'

'Sometimes I don't, sometimes solutions and ideas flash before me and I have no choice but to play them out. Although some of them aren't always done for the right reasons.'

'Can you give me an example?'

'There are many, I can't think of a specific one but a lot of the time I have done things I am not proud of to get the upper hand. At least things get done I suppose.' He shrugs.

He probably meant he had broken the law to stop criminals and such Lily thought. L certainly seemed to practice quite a few unorthodox methods.

The room fell into silence again; Lily wanted to carry on with the subject but it seemed L had finished with it, she didn't know how she knew that she just had a feeling.

She longed for some comfort but she didn't want to seem like a victim. It was after all her poor granddad who had had the stroke, not her. He was the one in pain not her. She started to dwell on her mother making that long trip alone rushing to get to her father's bed-side before it was too late.

'You're crying Lily.' came L's voice softly.

Lily straightened and wiped away the tear that had trickled down her cheek without her even noticing it. 'I'm sorry, how unprofessional of me.'

'I had a feeling we should have held off tonight's session; you are in no state of mind to focus on me.' He said looking at her with a subtle concern.

She shook her head, 'I know this sounds selfish L but this session and speaking with is the only thing preventing me from breaking down myself and sobbing myself to sleep.' Her voice croaked.

'You can't concentrate this way Lily; you must take time for yourself.'

'No, no I don't want to be by myself now, I need to be with someone I trust and who can comfort me.'

'I...don't think I am the wise choice; comfort is not really my thing.'

'Don't you ever embrace anyone L? Have you even given or received hugs?' She wiped a tear from her cheek.

'Yes, many have embraced me but then soon released me when they found I wasn't nor was I ever going to return the gesture.'

'What about when you were a child?'

'The other children, especially the girls would hug me when we were younger; it seemed they were quite fond of me, as to why I am not sure.'

Lily chuckled a little; L looks at her a little confused. 'Why is that funny?'

'It's just you have many desirable attributes L that you clearly aren't aware of and I find it amusing and very sweet.' She smiled at him.

He cleared his throat a little and shuffled feeling a little embarrassed, 'Thank you Lily.' He mumbled.

It was strange how this innocent conversation had a lifted her slightly and she could feel herself growing much deeper feelings for L.

'Do you mind if I can ask you a few questions.' L asks quizzically.

'I don't see why not, you have been asked a lot of questions lately so it's only fair if the tables are turned,'

'It's what happens in therapy sessions is it not?' L smirks.

Lily blushes a little embarrassed; she really should think before she spoke sometimes she inwardly mocked herself. 'Yes of course.' She stutters.

'Ok so,' L suddenly springs up making Lily jump a little as she was not expecting such fast and fluid movements from him. He came towards her pulling his favourite red armchair a long with him.

She giggles, 'what are you doing?'

He gets behind the armchair and pushes it towards her, then stops and peeks at her from behind it, 'Would you do me a favour?'

'Yes of course,'

'Well I'm sure you have noticed the way I sit on chairs and such?

'I wouldn't be much of a doctor if I hadn't observed that unique trait' she teases.

'Indeed; so as my doctor and... _friend_?' He cocks an eyebrow up at her, she nods and smiles. 'I was wondering if you could sit in the chair as I do, mimicking my position?'

Lily frowned a little and smiled, 'Well L I would but,' She blushes a little, 'I am wearing a skirt and don't think it would, one be a position I could accomplish with this skirt and two well, it would show more than I am comfortable with.' She giggles.

It was as if L hadn't even taken notice of what she was wearing, his eyes widened a little, 'Yes of course.' He didn't look her in the eyes; he just started scratching his head not knowing where to look.

Lily smiled, he is adorable when he gets shy she thought. 'But I can cross my legs; my skirt is long enough to hide some of them.'

He looked back at her and nodded, 'that will have to do then.'

She slipped off her shoes and sat back on the armchair crossing her legs carefully so not to flash L her knickers; she could have sworn however she caught L sneaking a peek at her legs while she crossed them.

After a few moments of adjusting herself she smiled and looked at him waiting.

'Ok? Comfortable?' He asked. She nodded happily. He nodded back and then pushed his chair until it met with hers then flew over the arm and sat down in his usual squatting position.

Lily couldn't help but blush, they were so close to each other, she could smell his sugary scent he was that close. 'So, can I ask you why you have us sitting so close?'

He put his thumb up to his lips and cocked his head a little, it seemed like he was studying her yet again. 'I thought you were going to allow me to ask the questions?' He pointed out.

She smiled and nodded, tucking her loose hair behind an ear. She hadn't time to brush or even dry her hair properly so she had to leave it down and wavy. In fact she had only thrown on her black lacy skirt, black vest top and tried to hide it with a red blazer, she also wore her red small heeled shoes to try and match and look presentable.

L was dressed like L was usually dressed, in his blue jeans and white top and no shoes. His hair was messy but not matted, it looked clean and shiny. She wondered how many times he showered a week. She soon wished that thought had never come into her head as images of L naked in the shower flashed through her mind making her blush so furiously she had to pretend to tidy up her hair or something so not to look at him.

'Where is your father? You never speak of him.' He suddenly asked.

The question was a little surprising but understandable she thought. She sighed a little, 'He left us when I was younger, found a new floozy and one day packed up and never came back'

'I'm sorry to hear that, you remember the day he left.' He asked casually.

His tone was welcomed as it kept the subject as light as it could be, 'Yes, I remember him pushing past my mother with a bag, then he would disappear back upstairs with another bag. Then he hugged me with my mother crying hysterically in the corner of the room. I remember pushing him away and the look of hurt on his face.' She shook her head guiltily.

'You feel remorse for doing that?'

'Yes, it was just the look her gave me.'

'But he was leaving you, surely you wished for him to feel guilty.'

'I did and still do, but I saw something that I had never seen in his eyes before and that was fear. My father for all I knew never feared anything, but that day he was shaking, shouting, crying even. I still don't understand what had happened to him or if anything what my mother had done to make him feel that way. Or perhaps he was just a coward and couldn't cope with family life and selfishly ran away into the arms of another woman.'

'Perhaps so, the statistics between infidelities is on the rise, especially people under 30. Also the percentage of married men and married who cheat is almost fifty fifty.'

'My mother would never cheat, but because of what my father did she has never really regained trust for the opposite sex.'

'And what about you?'

'You do you mean? What about me?'

'Well children learn behaviours from their parents. They also tend to pick up habits and worry about the same things...'

'I know L, I went to university.' She teased again.

'So what I'm asking is do you also have a difficult time trusting people? Especially the male gender?' he cocked his head again, his stare felt like spotlights.

She didn't see that question coming and it make her uncomfortable, he was peeling back her layers one by one and that was her job damn it.

'Well L, um I've never thought about it to be honest.' She lied as she knew full well that she had only ever had one serious relationship and it had ended because of her own insecurities. L was spot on; she didn't trust men at all.

He doesn't say anything for a few moments; she looks down at her skirt and starts to fiddle with it.

'Do you trust me?' He finally asked.

She looked up at him and felt herself relaxing as he had taken his thumb out from his mouth and had crossed his arms comfortably resting on his knees. It was his eyes though that had made her relax as they seemed full of hope?

She smiled and tucked another strand behind the other ear, 'Yes L, I do trust you. I don't know why as we hardly know each other but it's just something about you.'

'What is that something? I have heard people state that same phrase but I really don't understand what the something is.'

She shrugged a little, 'I'm not sure, maybe it's because of how open you have been these past few sessions and also the time we have spent together has been wonderful. Also L we are friends and I tend to trust my friends. However I don't believe I have ever told them about my father and how he left.' She stopped allowing herself to feel sadness from the memory.

'So I am the first you have spoken openly about it to?'

She nods as she could feel herself holding back a sob. She didn't know why she felt the need to break down but she would fight it tooth and nail, she did not want to lose it in front of L; what kind of a doctor would that make her.

'Lily you're crying again, I'm sorry I have asked too many questions it seems.'

She hadn't realised but when she wiped her face it was soaked from tears. 'Oh god, this is so embarrassing, I'm so sorry L I can't seem to hold it together tonight, some doctor I am.'

'You are a wonderful doctor Lily.' He simply stated.

That made her cry even more, but she held back the sobbing. She covered her mouth and closed her eyes; she could only hear the sniffling from her nose.

She suddenly felt soft rubbing on her cheek, she opened her eyes and was shocked and touched to see L dabbing her cheek a little awkwardly with a tissue. 'I've done this a few times for Kiki; she is almost as sensitive as you.' She smiled slyly.

Lily laughed a little, 'I have been told I am too sensitive, not very helpful when you're training to be a psychiatrist, I'll probably just end up crying and hugging everyone.'

'Is that what people require when they are upset? A hug?' He asked still dabbing her tears away. He didn't seem to have trouble touching her face she noticed.

'Well hugs do relieve stress because they release endorphins and serotonin.' She smiles trying to calm herself down with facts.

'Is that so?' He asks before stuffing the tissue into his pocket and then suddenly he leans in and embraces her with a tight and loving hug.

Lily's eyes were wide and her mouth agape as she was held into probably the best hug she had ever received. She could feel him squeezing her making the hug meaningful and secure. She wasn't sure how to react but then softened into his arms and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek on his shoulder.

They stayed like this for a good few moments, she thought at one point he would never release her; which was fine with her she thought. It was an utter shock and she couldn't quite believe that L was embracing her so lovingly.

Still embracing he whispers in her ear, 'Is this making you feel better? Can you feel the endorphins being released? He asked dryly.

She shook in his arms as she laughed. 'Yes I believe I can.'

With one last squeeze he releases her. Again their faces are close with neither one of them sitting back into their chairs. Their arms were still holding on to each other.

'Did I do that right? I don't think I have wilfully embraced anyone, not that I can remember.'

'It was probably the best hug I have ever received.' She said truthfully. 'And it was exactly what I needed.' She smiled her green eyes glistening from her earlier tears.

'I'm happy I could help.'

She nodded and then they both sat still holding each other with neither one of them making the first move to let go.

'However there was something I have been curious about and I'm afraid I will drive myself mad with thinking of it over and over.'

'What is it?' She asked as she wanted to keep him distracted so he wouldn't let go of her arms.

'I understand I am odd and I tend to say and do things that seem to anger people or at the very least insult them. But probably for the first time in my life I don't wish for you to think of me that way.'

'Well I don't L; I've already told you I think you are brilliant and quite fascinating. Your mind and just your whole aura are almost addictive to me; it's as if I can't wait to hear or see what you do next.'

'I'm not quite sure how to reply, obviously that's another first for me to hear.'

'I just want you to take it as a compliment and to stop being so hard on yourself, like we discussed the other night it's boring to be like everyone else.'

'Yes, I suppose I agree.'

'Then ask me what you wanted to ask.'

He eyes fall down to her lips and stay there. 'I want to kiss you; I want to experience what it is like.' He says quietly with a deepening in his voice.

Lily immediately wets her lips as her mouth and throat suddenly felt very dry.

When she didn't say anything his black and penetrating eyes locked onto hers again. 'Lily? May I kiss you?' He asks so formally.

Lily suddenly couldn't speak so she just nodded slowly.

L suddenly breathed in deeply and then let it out, 'I'm a little rusty...' He sounded almost shy.

Her heart was beating so fast she could feel the thumping in her chest and neck. 'It's alright,' she smiles.

He nods and wet his lips a little and leans in. She holds back the urge to grab him and pull him forward to smack their lips together...he was so adorable, tempting and beautiful at the same time.

She closes her eyes as does he and presses their lips together. He was so tentative and soft. It felt as though they were teenagers having their first kiss.

She again fought the urge to open her mouth a little as she desperately wanted to deepen the kiss but she couldn't deny how right this felt and how wonderful L was making her feel and melt with his innocent and tender kiss.

She almost moaned with like a spoilt little girl when she felt him breaking the kiss. But she didn't want to seem well...desperate although she could easily go in for another six rounds.

She didn't say anything but his cheeks were flushed; it was the first time she had truly seen any colour on those cheeks and it was quite satisfying knowing she had made L's porcelain white cheeks blush with a rosy hint.

She tenderly rubbed his arms with her hands in an attempt to comfort him and to not let him feel embarrassed about the kiss. That was one thing that was a little unnerving to Lily was L's unpredictability. Because of her distrust of men being predictable gives her a least a sense of stability when dealing with them.

Obviously this was not the case with L but she felt she could trust him one hundred percent and felt he would always be truthful with her.

'How was it for you then?' She asked cheekily.

He was still and kept his eyes locked onto hers, 'I want to kiss you again.' He says quickly.

She giggled but was taken back when L kissed her again without warning this time. He even had taken hold of her arms and pulled her towards him more, deepening the kiss.

She wanted to run her fingers through his hair but she couldn't as he like a vice grip on her arms which she really liked the feel of. She could truly feel the want in him and felt smitten again like a damned school girl.

He broke the kiss again gently but didn't release her arms. 'I can't quite believe I'm saying this, but now I think I understand what everyone means when they talk about kissing.'

'What does it mean to you?' She asks still a little breathless.

'It causes you to feel almost delirious as if you have a fever. I felt completely lost in the moment and yes I'm aware of how cheesy that sounds.' That causes Lily to laugh. 'But I never for one minute believed it could feel anymore than a simple chemical reaction.'

'And this has changed your mind?'

'More than you could ever know.' He said with his serious tone again. 'The one problem though Lily.' He says while frowning.

'What?' She hesitated to ask.

'I don't want to stop.' He whispers as if it were a huge secret.

Lily finally frees as arm and runs a hand through his silky hair.

His eyes never leave hers and become heated again; she could feel he would be coming in for another kiss.

As if on cue the moment he leans in for another the door knocks. Lily gasps a little remembering they weren't the only ones in the house. It seemed all sense of time and location had disappeared as soon as L had pushed their chairs together.

L was calm and composed as if nothing had happened. Although he did release her arms and sat back on his hunches again. Lily followed suit and sat back too.

'Yes who is it?' L yelled towards the door.

'I apologise for interrupting the session but Doctor Everly is on the phone for Miss Everly.' Watari politely spoke from beyond the door.

Lily looks at her watch and is amazed how much time had passed, 'She's there already!'

'You best take that Lily.' L said seriously.

She nodded, 'Thank you Watari tell her I'm coming!'

L immediately dropped his feet and pushed the chair back to allow Lily room to get up. She blushed as she put on her shoes and stood up. He stood also and walked towards her.

'Thank you for tonight Doctor, I do believe I am feeling better with every session.' He smirks that cheeky smirk she was really growing to love.

Now it was her turn to blush, 'Thank you for tonight too L, it was a pleasure and just what I needed.' She goes to walk past but can't resist giving him a kiss on the cheek. They smile at each other with heated eyes.

Both L and Lily were unaware they were thinking the same thing as Lily walked out from the room. What would have happened if they weren't interrupted?


	8. Chapter 8

Although L had been up since six am, he felt awake and alive. He hadn't felt so good since...he couldn't recall. This was mainly because after the surreal session with Lily which had him sleeping calmly throughout the night, not even stirring or awaking up once.

As he sat in the garden sun lounge sipping tea and looking at the sunshine and how it made every colour of the trees, grass and sky so vibrant. He realised he had never once stopped and noticed how beautiful the grounds were that surrounded Wammy's house and how peaceful it was, not another house, farm, road or building in sight.

He was now on his sixth cup of tea. He had already finished a mountain pile of pancakes with Mable syrup and fresh strawberries and blue berries. He looked at the clock on the wall again, it was now nine.

Where was she? He wondered. Why was she sleeping in so late?

In truth L was now feeling restless and impatient. He couldn't deny how much he wanted to see Lily; even if they didn't speak, he just wanted to see her.

He heard footsteps walking towards him and quickly turned to look over his shoulder. He quickly looked back towards the window when he found it was only Watari.

'Good morning.' Watari said cheerfully.

'Good morning Watari.' answered back politely.

Watari pours himself a cup of tea and joins L in the sun lounge sitting on the chair beside him. He sips his tea and looks out of the window also admiring the view. Without looking in L's direction he asks, 'How did Miss Everly do then? As it was her first session alone with you.'

L looked down into his cup and twirled the tea around; he could see the pile of sugar lying in the bottom of the cup. 'It went well, she managed it fine'

'That is good to hear, I was concerned it may a little too much for her.'

'She is stronger than most.' L stated.

'Indeed, well she would have to be considering the circumstances; although I was a little surprised her first session with you went on for so long.'

L cleared his throat a little and sipped his tea getting a sugary mouthful. He licked his lips, 'We covered a lot of ground.'

'Right, did you speak of the Kira case?'

L stiffened a little; he didn't want those particular memories entering his mind, not now. 'That hasn't come around yet, and I am in no hurry to talk about it.'

Watari looked at L for a moment, he seemed different somehow, he seemed more alert and his face was glowing. 'Did you sleep last night?' Watari asks hopefully.

'Yes.' L said simply.

Watari couldn't hide his smile as he turned to face L, 'so can I be correct in saying that the therapy is working? That you're feeling better? More like yourself?' He asked hopefully.

L looked at Watari then and couldn't help feeling a little humbled from his old friend's joy and hopefulness. 'Watari bringing Doctor Everly and Miss Everly here was probably the most intelligent decision you have ever made.'

Watari laughed and tapped L on the shoulder a couple of times, 'I don't need to tell you how happy I am to hear that. I'm thinking then that Miss Everly will only need a few more sessions with you as everything is going far more smoothly than I could of ever hoped for.'

L dropped his teacup back onto its saucer making a loud clang. He hadn't thought of that day Lily would eventually leave Wammy's. The very thought of it filled him with that awful sense of loneliness and being surrounded by darkness and the things that lurked in it.

The clank of his teacup made Watari turn to him, he frowned when he saw how dramatic L's expression had changed from relaxed to tense and paler than usual.

Watari was going to ask what the matter was when Kiki and Soot came running in. Kiki had a handful of photos in her hand.

'Look I've finally got them developed!' She handed them to Watari.'

'Ah yes, let's see what you have captured then.' He says smiling.

'There are some nice ones of you and Lily L, but its shame you never smile.' Kiki said pouting a little.

'It would be easier to teach one of those birds to smile before L ever does.' Mocked Soot.

'Birds can't smile Soot!' Kiki exclaimed.

'Exactly,' He said blowing a bubble of gum and pooping it.

L didn't say anything, instead he looked at the clock, it was now half past nine, he couldn't wait any longer. But he fought his urge to get up and go to her room but instead refilled his teacup and started plopping in sugar cubes.

'Why has it taken you so long to develop the photos Kiki? Usually you develop them on the day.' Watari asked while smiling and looking through them.

'Well I wanted to go to town to get them developed.' She said twirling her dress.

'Yeah next time get someone else to chaperone you, I've got better things to be doing with my time.' Soot whined.

'You know the both of you should ask me when you want to leave and take a car.' Watari scolded.

'I'm almost sixteen Watari, I don't need permission.'

'Speak to him like that again and every device you use to keep you entertained will be confiscated.' Threatened L although his tone didn't sound threatening his words were.

Soot was quiet then as L hardly every interfered let alone threatened him. He thought about saying something but instead stormed off making sure everyone could hear the stomping of his boots.

Watari raised his eyebrows and looked at Kiki who looked back at him with the same expression then they both carried on looking through the photos together.

'Can I have one of those?' Kiki asked pointing at the cake stand on the coffee table.

'No, not the éclairs.' L quickly said.

'But there are two of them!' she whined. 'Don't be so greedy L.'

He had saved two éclairs especially for him and Lily, he really wanted the éclair but then he really wanted Lily to have one too. He sighed and closed his eyes as if his answer was painful to him, 'Fine but just the one.'

'Yay! Thank you.' She hurried and took one from the stand and starting munching on it straight away.

It was a difficult thing to watch; L had never given up one of his éclairs before, but he knew Lily had loved them and he couldn't really deny Kiki as both her and Watari would think he was greedy and wanted to eat both of the éclairs; he also didn't want to admit he was saving one for Lily. He'd rather watch in horror as Kiki demolished his éclair than have Kiki and Watari ask him questions.

Watari suddenly frowned as he looked over some of the last pictures. 'Hmm these are quite strange Kiki, Kiki?' Watari called but she was too busy eating the éclair in front of L. 'why are you so far from the house? I don't see why you would shoot this far?'

'It's a photographer's eye, you wouldn't understand Watari,' Kiki said with her mouthful.

'L look at these, do you remember her being so far away?' He stretched out his arm to give the photos to him.

However Lily had just walked in and L shoots up to his feet. Watari and Kiki both looked at each other and smirked.

'Good morning, I'm so sorry for sleeping in so late.' Lily comes in feeling mortified.

'Nonsense Miss Everly, you obviously needed the rest, I haven't been up for long myself.' Said Watari with a smile.

Kiki runs up to Lily and hugs her, 'Hello Lily! I'm sorry to hear about your granddad, I do hope he will get better soon.'

Lily hugs her back and strokes her hair, 'Thank you Kiki that means a lot to me, I hope he gets better too.'

Kiki releases Lily and runs and sits on Watari's lap making him grunt from her weight. 'Can you be a bit gentler Kiki, I'm an old man.' He mumbles making Kiki laugh.

L had been waiting patiently for Lily to acknowledge him, when she finally sets her eyes upon him he nods, 'Good morning Lily, I trust you slept well?'

'Yes I did thank you, perhaps a little too well, that bed is unbelievably comfortable.'

'Would you like something to eat? Perhaps an éclair and some tea?' He offers politely, he doesn't know why but he is finding it hard to keep eye contact with her and feels a little flustered and also clumsy.

'An éclair for breakfast? Oh so naughty but how can I pass that up?' She rubs her hands together grinning.

'Please some sit then,' Watari asks smiling warmly at her.

She passes by L and subtly strokes his hand, no one notices but L's eyes widen and he stares at her. He didn't understand how to act and why she was given him this attention and why he was feeling the way he was. But he knew when she was in his presence he felt lighter and relaxed and was also thinking how much he wanted to kiss her again.

Kiki and Watari watch with amazement as L casually takes a sit next to Lily on the two seated sofa.

'I want to take a picture.' Kiki whispers to Watari who gives her a little squeeze and shushes her.

Kiki's mouth dropped open as she watched L pick up the éclair and politely hand it to her on a plate; he then poured some tea for her.

'Okay I'll film it then,' she said a little louder.

'Come then Kiki let's get on with your studies.' Watari says standing up causing Kiki to slowly slide off his lap.

'I've finished everything you have set me Watari and I found them boring.'

'You should never say that to Watari, he loves a challenge.' L remarks shaking his head playfully.

'Indeed he is right, now I will have to set you something even more difficult and perhaps also set a time limit.' Watari smirks.

Kiki crosses her arms stubbornly, 'Hmm I'm not afraid Watari, bring it on.'

'Such sass from a young girl might get you into trouble one day.' Watari teases.

Lily loved watching them all tease and play with each other, they were quite the family unit and it was heart warming to be witnessing it from the sidelines.

'Come on then Watari' Kiki says and runs out the room.

'How does she know where to go?' Lily asked smiling.

'We have a classroom on the second floor, she'll know go to there. Well I'll see you both later on then, I'm sure Kiki will keep me on my toes for a good few hours.'

'You have no one to blame but yourself' L remarks and takes a sip from his tea.

Watari rolls his eyes and turns to walk out leaving L and Lily happily eating and drinking tea in peace.

After a few moments Watari calls back, 'Oh L can you come here for a moment?' Watari calls from the main hall, he obviously wanted to speak with L alone.

'Excuse me for a moment Lily.'

'Of course.' She smiles with her mouth full of éclair once again.

L smirks slightly and returns the subtly stroke on her hand that Lily had given him before. She smiles up at him. 'Don't be long.' She smiles playfully. He then got up and walked put the room but couldn't resist having one last look over his shoulder at her, she didn't notice.

As soon as L saw Watari's expression he asked, 'what is it Watari?'

'I didn't want to mention anything while everyone was there, but I think you should take a look at these pictures Kiki took of that day you all went for a walk.'

He hands L the photos he had separated from the rest of the pile. 'I know Kiki didn't take these, they are too far away from the house.'

L looks through the photos carefully one by one. He stops suddenly and his eyes widen. 'You were right in suspecting something was amiss from these photos Watari. Kiki didn't take these five photos but it's not because it is too far from the house.' His voice was deep and serious.

'Then what is it?' Watari asked feeling a dread coming over him.

L looks at Watari and holds a photo up to him, 'because Kiki is in this photo,' He points to a window in the picture.

Watari looks closer and squints his eyes he gasps as little when he notices Kiki was indeed in the picture along with L looking at through the window. It was an easy thing to miss but this was L after all, he didn't miss a thing.

'This was taken just before me and Kiki went and joined Lily Doctor Everly on their walk.'

'Watari's stomach dropped, 'someone is watching the house.' He says.

'No someone was watching Doctor Everly and Lily; they are the centre subject of this photo as they are the rest.' L grated through his teeth. He couldn't control this sudden feeling of anger and fear. He didn't know what he would do if something happened to Lily or to anyone in fact.

Seeming to read L's mind Watari looks serious and asks… 'It can't be him, he is imprisoned still and someone would have notified us if he had escaped.'

As if on cue L's phone rang, but it was Watari who took it from his own trouser pocket. 'I kept it on me just in case.' He confessed to L before answering.

'Yes this is W...what? When...?' Watari closed his eyes.

L didn't need to hear anymore, he could tell just by looking at Watari's face. L starts to walk towards the houses security and computer systems room, 'I want to know when and how, and get some security scouting around the entire estate. We need to be in lockdown; no one leaves or enters this house without my knowledge or say so.'

'And what of Miss Everly? She should be made aware of the situation.'

L stopped in his tracks he had for a moment completely forgotten about Lily, happily sitting in the sun room oblivious to the dangers that were arsing around her.

He turned quickly and walked past Watari handing him back the photos. 'I'll speak with her but please do everything I said; he has already been here, watching. Only we know what that means Watari.' He leaves the room quickly.

Watari turns on his heel to make some calls and to cancel today's class with Kiki, his chest ached with anxiety; he couldn't believe he was back. He could only pray that L was mentally stable enough to deal with this all over again...


	9. Chapter 9

Cedric Cromer also known as The SHS Killer. The initials stood for see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil. He earned this nickname because of the way he mutilated his victims and decided he liked the sound of it so he kept it.

The first he would after killing his victims was cut out their eyes, then cut off their ears and lastly cut out their tongues and pose the bodies for pictures that he sent to L.

He had just finished writing his first threatening letter to L letting the detective know (which he probably already did) that he was back. His ghoulish smile almost reached his eyes as he finished sticking the letter in an envelope addressed to Wammy's School for gifted children.

Nothing would make him happier than finally having revenge on L; he probably could have cut his throat in his sleep the other night while he watched the house. There had been hardly any security around the premises so it would have been an easy job but far too quick for L. He needed to buy his time, wanted to dance a little and make him sweat. He had been watching it for almost two weeks now and not a lot had been happening.

However when SHS saw L walking with a beauty of a woman and allowing her to take his arm and even smile back at her, well let's say he became overwhelmed with excitement. As little did the woman know she would be the one way to truly get revenge on L. He didn't know about her or even who she was to L. But from what he had observed of the reclusive detective he knew she was someone special as L was hardly ever in the presence of women let alone speaking and walking with one.

It was as if Satan himself had placed her there to open the detective's heart only for SHS to rip it away and break it. He would cause so much anguish and horror that L would never be able to recover.

But of course this all takes time and although SHS was on the run from the law he had time. He had time to destroy L even if he died doing it; nothing was going to stop him this time.

He was so confident because of the fact L had finally let his guard down and has become distracted by a woman...; now L knew what it felt to finally feel like a man, shame he wouldn't feel it for long he mused to himself.

Ten years of hell because of that weird and obsessive L. He would never let up, was always right behind SHS in everything murder he did, always there always watching.

But now he was not going to play the predictive game that he once did with L because that's how he lost before.

Now L was the one out of his comfort zone; SHS knew the shy and weird detective didn't know a thing about women and he just couldn't wait to see how L would react when probably the only woman he has ever cared about will die right in front of his eyes.

This made SHS laugh deep in his throat and then he licked the envelope and sealed it shut.


	10. Chapter 10

L had waited patiently for Lily to finish her breakfast then he had suggested they take a walk through the aviary. He wanted to give Lily the bad news in a place he thought she liked.

He held open the door to the aviary and she passed by him smiling sweetly. L could hardly smile back, he knew the next thing he said to her would wipe her smile away, probably now for the rest of the time she was here which wouldn't be for long, L wanted to get Lily away from here as fast as possible.

Lily could feel L's energy had shifted dramatically; perhaps last night was just too inappropriate and he didn't feel the same way as she did. Perhaps it was all just an experiment on his end which wouldn't surprise her at all.

It was her own fault, she had totally given into him, had shut down all her barriers and let him in and now she would never be able to stop caring for him. She had basically set herself up for the heartbreak of a lifetime. But perhaps she was just thinking too much into it again, but she couldn't deny he seemed colder than before and was hardly looking at her.

They walked for a little but in silence. She spotted her favourite parrot and went towards him; he was sitting in the middle of a bird fountain bathing himself.

She leant down towards him and smiled as he fluttered and spluttered water every while ruffling up his feathers looking very pleased with himself.

She looks over her shoulder at L, 'I wonder if he remembers me?' She asked sweetly.

'Parrots are said to have the intelligence of a three year toddler, so when taking that into account I imagine he does.' L said a little seriously.

Lily smiles at him and then turns to walk towards him. He stares back at her not knowing where to look.

Lily gained some courage and took one of his hands in hers. 'L what is wrong? I can feel you have something you want to tell me so please just tell me.'

L looked down at their hands, she was gently rubbing his with her thumb, she really did have a sensual touch. L squeezed her hand a little causing her to smile.

'You can trust me.' She said honestly.

He took a breath in, 'A situation has arisen and I'm afraid you have to leave as soon as possible.'

Her face immediately fell and quickly she went to release his hand but L kept a hold of hers. This surprised her.

'I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you, it's just too dangerous to have you here.' He said quickly.

Lily suddenly felt a wave of dread when she looked into his eyes, she could see fear, he was truly afraid. 'My god L, what is going on? Tell me.' She insisted.

He scratched his head restlessly, 'A criminal who goes by the name SHS has escaped from prison...a prison I put him into ten years ago.'

'Oh god. And he knows where you are?'

'Yes, we received the tell tale photos that he has been watching the house for what seems more than a week now.'

'He has been taking pictures of the house? Of you?' She said calmly trying to not to seem panicked.

'Yes but also of you and your mother, that's why you must leave Lily; now that he has seen you here, with me, you will be a target.'

Lily couldn't hold off the panic in her voice this time, 'A target? But why? And who is to say he won't follow me when I leave?'

L had also thought of this but he hoped that SHS would chose to him rather than follow someone he didn't know, but because of the way those pictures had been taken with Lily and her mother and then Lily and L being in the centre frame he knew SHS had noticed Lily and probably had watched L and her talk and link arms smiling together.

'You're right, I can make no guarantee that he won't follow you but I believe you have a better chance of him not hurting you if you leave. If you stay you are in more danger because you are near me and he will hurt anyone who is involved with me.' He says seriously, he was now squeezing her hand tightly.

'L this house is like a fort, it has had cameras and security gates, alarms I'm guessing?'

He nods.

'So I'd rather stay here than go out there and risk it. I'll always be looking over my shoulder and I wouldn't dare lead him anywhere near my home or my mother so I would be alone.'

'I'll have the police escort you home and then watch over you.'

'I want to stay with you L; I can't leave you alone in this.' She pleaded.

'I won't be alone; I'll have Watari he said trying to keep his voice steady.

'It's not enough, just the two of you of being here. What about Kiki and Soot? And the other children left behind?'

'We are thinking of a way to evacuate them and send them overseas as soon as possible.'

'I can help L, I won't get in the way, I'll assist you and Watari with whatever you need, I can't bare the thought of leaving here and thinking it might be the last time I ever see you.'

He didn't know how to answer; he didn't know what to say. All he could see was the anguish in her eyes and it was all for him? She wanted to stay for him? Even if it meant her life was in danger, was she truly crazy?'

'Lily...' he began.

But she closed in and embraced him, tucking her head into his chest. He immediately wrapped his arms around her even though her actions were totally unexpected.

Lily held on to him tightly, she couldn't bare the thought of being away from him. She also couldn't understand her own feelings and how much she had grown to care for L after such a little amount of time, there would be no way she was ever going to leave him when his life was in danger.

'You're quite the conundrum,' he mumbled into her hair.

She smiled little and looked up at him, 'Why do you say that?'

He shakes his head, 'I just don't understand why you would risk staying here to help me even when you could be in serious danger, its madness and forgive for saying very foolish.'

She shakes her now, 'I don't really understand it either, but something has happened between us L, don't you think so?'

'Yes, there is something happening to me towards you that I have never experienced before and I am sad that this has to happen now as I wanted to explore whatever this thing is between us more.'

'So did I.' She looks at his lips and then thinks how tall he was compared to her. As she had to crane her head a little to look up at him.

She steps on her toes and kisses him softly. He kisses her back and brings her closer to him.

She wraps her arms around his neck and holds him to her; she doesn't want to let him go. She waits a little to see if he deepens the kiss. When he doesn't she gently pushes her tongue between his lips causing him to open his mouth a little.

She deepens the kiss and takes the lead. She could tell this was his the first time kissing like this but impressively he caught on to it very quickly.

She kissed him slowly but with determination and he followed her rhythm perfectly.

She moaned a little against his lips and then he suddenly broke their kiss and stumbled backwards. 'I feel dizzy' He said looking around a little dazed.

She tried not to giggle but couldn't hold it back, he was utterly adorable and all she wanted to do was kiss him more.

She reached out for him, he took her hand, 'It's alright L, I'm sorry I got a little carried away.' She blushed and looked down feeling a little shameful. For some reason she felt she had taken advantage of him and the whole situation. He was trying to save her, to get her to safety and what was she doing? Kissing him until what? He fainted? She kicked herself mentally.

'I've always been so curious about kissing and why we as a species lock lips together, share saliva and drool all over each other.'

'Did I drool? She asked horrified.

He shook his head and came close to her, 'No, that's the point. Everything you have shared with me including that incredible kiss has altered my entire perception of intimacy with another person. I have never cared about sharing my body with another before, not until Misa Armane kissed me on the cheek, then that's where I started to wonder...what would it be like to have these feelings for someone else.'

Whoever this Misa was Lily wanted to rip her head off... of course she didn't mention this to L. 'Who is Misa?' She asked trying to keep her jealousy hidden.

Misa was Light Yagami's girlfriend; well she thought she was anyway. Light only manipulated her and used her like a pawn in his sick and twisted games for world domination.'

'Oh...and where is she now?'

'Dead...; she committed suicide the day after Light Yagami was defeated.'

Lily didn't know what to say then and she felt a little guilty for being jealous over a dead girl.

'Sorry L but what has this got to do with what we were speaking about?' She asked a little lost.

'That kiss was the only time a girl has ever kissed me and I didn't feel anything for her except for wanting to know more about how humans can make each other feel with intimacy.'

She gulped a little as the only thing she wanted to do was to show how intimate humans could really be with each other. It could of been the fact that their lives were at risk but god help her she wanted to awaken this side to L that he has obviously so longed for without even realising it. But now there was no time, now they had to plan and work together if they were going to live through this.

She stoked his face; he flinched a little as the touch of another person was still very new to him and he hadn't yet grown accustomed to the sensation of it.

He looked down at her again and leant down, Lily immediately stretched up to meet his lips again. This time the kiss was tender and soft. He put his hands on her hips; she could feel him shaking a little. This was all so very new to him and she had to be patient she thought. And she would, she would take as much time as he needed but at least he was sharing his delicious sweet kisses with her and she could appreciate that.

They continued this tender kissing for a few more moments until Lily this time broke the kiss.

His eyes were wide with confusion, 'Was it? Did I? Was it wrong?' He asked innocently.

She smiled and gently rubbed his chest with her hands. 'No, it was amazing that's why I had to stop it. I could kiss you all day L, but we have to think about what to do, but I am staying L, you can't send me away...please don't send me away and if I really do get in the way and just make things worse I'll leave immediately, just can we please come up with a solution together first?'

He thought for a moment, his eyes looking deep into hers. It was intense but she held his stare. He finally nodded, 'Alright, you can stay but you must do everything I say do you understand?' He said with a slight authorative tone.

She nodded, 'Yes I understand.'

He wanted to kiss her again, but instead he nodded and took hold of her hand and led her from the aviary not caring who saw them together. All he knew was that he had to keep this woman safe whatever it meant.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Author's note_** ** _:_** _Hello, thank you for being patient and my apologies for the gap between chapters. It has been quite the Christmas and I haven't had the chance to do any writing which has been difficult._

 _I really hope you're all enjoying where this is going. I also really hope that L seems like L even though he is becoming romantically attached, he is a tough one to write but also very fun._ _:)_

L and Watari worked through the night booking flights for the children to fly to Watari's institution in Norway. It was hidden in the mountains and would be safe for them.

Watari took another swig of his coffee as he rummaged through the file drawers pulling out the children's passports one by one. L looked over his shoulder, he could see the look of distress in his old friend's eyes and he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for it.

'Watari, it will be okay, we have dealt with him before.' L tried to reassure but he knew he wasn't doing a very good job.

Watari packed up the passports and printed tickets into a briefcase and shut it. He paused and leaned down on it catching his breath. 'You know what he is and so knowing that you should have sent Miss Everly away.' He said sternly.

'I tired.' L answered truthfully, 'But she didn't want to leave...' He said biting his nails.

'Why on earth wouldn't she want to leave? To be with her mother? To be safe?' Watari exasperated as he picked up the briefcase and placed it on the desk without all the screens on.

L scratched his head a little awkwardly, 'She...she didn't want to be away from me.'

Watari stopped fiddling with the case and looked back at L with his eyebrows raised. 'She didn't want to leave you?' He repeated. 'Why? To carry on with the sessions?' He questioned knowing that wasn't the answer but he wanted to hear it from L.

'I suppose that is partly the reason, but Lily and I have grown close.' L answered feeling unusually exposed.

Watari wanted to speak about this more but the children were waiting for him in the entrance hall to be driven to the airport. 'I want to carry on this conversation when I return.' He walked out of the room with his coat and briefcase in hand.

L went to turn around and carry on his investigating but he wanted to see the children off and quickly followed Watari out of the room.

He caught up to him swiftly, Watari had to double take when he saw walking next to him keeping up with his quick pace.

'Why are you driving them? You should allow all the muscle to drive them; they will be more protected then.' L spoke up trying to hide the concern laced through his voice.

'I have to make sure they go safely, I couldn't forgive myself if anything happened to them and I wasn't there. We are taking the two limos and most of the guards are accompanying us, we will be fine, the airport isn't far.'

They approached the entrance hall where all the children had gathered. Lily was there making sure they were all bundled up and comforting them as much as she could. L smiled a little as he witnessed her kindness to them.

'Promise me you'll keep me informed every step of the way?' L asked finally looking at Watari in the eyes.

Watari wasn't used to L looking straight at him when he spoke, he was usually fiddling with something, or had his head stuck in a book or glued to a screen...or he was eating. He put a hand on L's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. 'I promise I will keep you all updated. I will be back in a few hours.'

L nodded and smiled a little, he then turned his attention on the children and spoke with them one by one, saying his goodbyes and even allowing some to hug him. He didn't know how to handle the ones who were crying. The only thing he knew how to do was to give out sweets. He always carried bags of skittles and other things in his pockets and started giving random sweets to all the children and even the teens that eagerly held their hands out for some. 'You are in the best of hands as all of you know and I know you will love Norway. It's one of the most beautiful places I have ever been and you will have a lot of fun.' He said trying to smile.

Kiki walked forward hugging her stuffed rabbit. 'Why aren't you and Lily coming?' She asked pouting a little.

L looked up at Lily as she walked forward and playfully squeezed Kiki's nose causing her to giggle. 'Because L has a lot of work to do here and I'm going to help him so he can get things done a little faster and who knows we might be able to join all of you in Norway soon.' She didn't know if she was out of place to say such things but she wanted to lighten the mood.

Kiki smiled and hugged Lily, 'That would be great.' Kiki chirped happily.

'Right everyone time to go, you all have the number of the car you're getting in yes? So let's go.' Watari said trying to keep his voice as light as possible.

Most of the children answered while others stayed quiet and made for the door. Watari waited until they had all left and turned to both Lily and L, 'Please be cautious the both of you, try not to leave the house and keep in contact with other, try not to leave each other's sight when possible, I will be back soon and will keep in constant contact.'

L and Lily both nodded with concern in their eyes, 'Please keep you and the children safe too Watari and we will see you soon.' Lily said politely.

Watari smiled and pinched her chin affectionately and smiled at them both before turning and walking out of the house.

They all looked around to see if anyone was watching them which didn't make sense as it was so dark, but still they couldn't stop the feeling of unease especially with everyone leaving.

The children drew down their windows and all poked their hands out and waved. L tensed wishing they wouldn't do that as it wasn't safe but he put on a brave smile and waved them off with Lily by his side. It was a raw and frightening emotion he was feeling, but then Lily slipped her hand into his when the cars were almost out of sight giving him the comfort he needed in that moment.

After the children and Watari had left L had excused himself and went straight back into hiding in his room of screens and computers.

He could hardly look at Lily as the sense of guilt was no overwhelming and he had no idea how to deal with it. So he did what he did best, push it all back into his psyche and carry on like nothing mattered.

Lily had asked if she could help him or at least come with him but he declined and walked, almost running from her.

Now Lily was alone in the huge with only the staff walking past her every now and then. She decided to sit in the reading room, the only room she felt truly safe.

She tried to read a book, or two, or three but there was no settling her. She slammed a book down onto the table in front of her and out her head in her hands. What was she doing here she thought? She should fog ne home, should of taken L's advice and gone home, away from here. But stupidly she chose to act on her feelings rather than her rational mind. Not a lot of good that did her, he doesn't even want her near him, he must blame her for all this, or it's the stress of everything. Or perhaps she was just a burden that no one needed around.

Whatever the reason she had to find out, she couldn't just sit here and let him protect her without putting any work in herself, she was no fool and she knew she could be useful.

She marched to the computer room and turned the handle on the door, surprisingly it was open, not something she expected.

The room was pitch black, only the artificial light from the screen lit the room with a blue tint. He was sitting in a chair and typing vigorously on the keyboard. She thought then she really shouldn't be disturbing him now but she didn't leave, just stood in the doorway like a fool.

Eventually he said something, 'What is it Lily?' He asked rather coldly.

'I...I wondered if you needed any help?' She asked trying to get her voice to sound as if she had at least a little confidence.

'No thank you; there is nothing you can do to help.' He said in that robotic voice she had first heard when they had met.

'I don't want this to be about me L, but why won't you accept my help? I don't want to just sit and do nothing.'

'The best thing you could have done was to leave Lily, you didn't need to put yourself in danger; it was foolish decision on your part.'

She felt hurt by his words, but she could sense he was boiling under the surface. 'I told you why L...but putting that aside I know I can be of use somehow, just allow me to help you.'

His fingers froze and hovered over the keys. He grits his teeth. 'I don't need any help Lily. Don't you understand? I never need any help. I do everything alone, I do not need anyone for anything.' his voice was gravelly and full of emotion.

Lily didn't know what to say, she knew he was lashing out but why at her? Why was he acting like this with her? 'L I didn't plan for any of this, I came here for a job, you were the job but something happened that I never expected and now what am I to do? Just forget you? Forget everything? I simply can't.'

'Then you're a fool Miss Everly, a fool to waste your emotions on me. Like I said I don't need anyone, I prefer to be alone, work alone and live alone, that is who I am and that is how I become L.' His hands were shaking and he clenched them into fists. He didn't know why he was feeling like he could explode but he couldn't hold it back.

'I know you're trying to push me away L but I have seen the change in you too.'

He suddenly jumped up and turned to her, 'You don't know anything Miss Everly. I am not a normal person, I attract danger and I revel in the fact that my life is one gunshot, spiked drink or even a heart attack given from a demons' death note. I love living on the edge, I know nothing else and I had no one to look out for, no one that burdened me until you.'

Lily couldn't contain the hurt in her eyes; she had never seen L explode like this. But the psychologist in her suddenly kicked in and the realisation hit her like a boulder. 'You're scared.' She said.

L's eyes widened and then he punched the door with lightening speed making Lily yelp. 'I've only ever been scared the once and that fear I can understand even though it dented my pride, made me crawl back to this place and hide away with the realisation that demons exist. But you and this?' He waved his now bleeding hand between them, 'This I don't understand, the only thing I do know is that if you stay even within a foot of me you will die Lily; that crazed lunatic out there will hunt you down and kill you in front of me in an effort to destroy me. He will take your life away because of me and I just can't have that, I don't want to care!' He yells.

Lily had two options; she could run now and leave this house never to come back. Forget the odd and brilliant L, forget ever meeting him and carry on with her life, she could get over him of course she could and that would be the wisest and most logical thing to do. And then she could help and stop the pain he was going through, help comfort him and help him understand his own demons so he could carry on with his life no matter what it meant for them. Of course she chose the latter.

She flung her arms around him, locking them together like a vice. Of course he tried to resist, of course he tried to push her off. But she held on, tears streaming from her eyes. She held on when he lost balance and they both tumbled to the ground with him landing on top of her.

Her grip loosened and he managed to free himself pinning her wrists to the floor. They were both panting even his eyes were full of emotion and watery. But when he spoke, he spoke softly like a whisper, 'You're a fool Lily...'

'So you keep telling and that maybe so, but love is said to make fools of us, it's a human attribute no one really understands.' She gulps down a sob.

He blinked a few times as if his eyes were trying to focus, he was beautiful in the blue light emitted from the screens but in that moment looked ghostly, a creature not of this world and his expression added to the illusion. He swallowed, 'Love?'

Lily smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders; it's the one thing no one can control, you can't chose who you fall in love with.'

L didn't say anything, how could he, he didn't know how to react, this was the first time in his life anyone had told him they loved him and it was like being struck in the face or more like being electrocuted of which he had experienced before.

Lily took his silence as a hint, 'I'll go and pack my things and I'll leave as soon as Watari returns with a car, I'm truly sorry about everything.'

She shuffles a little pushes against his hands to get up. He allows her and rolls off of her, his body tingling with every sensation possible. But he still couldn't bring himself to speak.

Lily ran from the room back hers and locked the door behind her. She then allowed herself to break down there and then and sob her heart out. She had never felt such a fool.


	12. Chapter 12

Lily was frantically packing her bags as fast as she could, her eyes were sore and puffy from crying but she knew she had to leave tonight. She was humiliated and in danger but the argument with L had scared her more than an impending doom from a psychotic and vengeful killer.

She hated the fact that she had said what she had said. But it felt right and she needed it to be said because now she knew how he felt. Of course she doesn't know exactly what was going through his mind but his silence had been enough and she would not allow him to play he was odd card as an excuse. He was still human and damn it she knew he felt something too. The kisses and embraces they had shared was an obvious place to start.

She zipped up one bag and started on the other when the door knocked gently.

She froze holding a pair of shoes in her hand, 'Yes?' She asked quietly.

The friendly and familiar voice of the little lady with the towels spoke up. 'Miss Everly, I have some fresh towels for you.'

Lily quickly pulled her bags off the bed and dropped the shoes inside the open one. She looked in the mirror quickly and noticed her eyes were bloodshot. She rolled her eyes and sniffled trying to get a grip on herself.

She walked up to the door and planted a fake smile on her face before opening it to the sweet housekeeper. When Lily opened the door she noticed the housekeeper wasn't holding any towels.

Lily looked a little confused, 'You said you had some towels?' She politely queried.

The little housekeeper looked to her right and smiled; she turned back to Lily and winked at her before scuttling off quickly down the corridor.

Lily frowned by the unusual behaviour then to her shock L moved into view and stood outside her door.

He looked a mess, totally defeated and exhausted but there was something else in his eyes and she didn't like it.

'Apologies for the deception but I figured you wouldn't open the door if you knew it was me.'

'You're right again detective and if you don't mind I'll like to carry on packing, I'll be leaving when Watari returns.' She said trying to keep strong and defensive.

His eyes widened with horror, 'No, no you can't...you were right, I am scared and now I'm here and I need my doctor, I am ready to open up.' He put his hand on the door terrified of her closing it on him.

Lily couldn't bare the look of desperation on his face, he was truly a shadow of his former self and she couldn't stand it, she had to help even though it may be the only reason he wanted her to stay, but no matter how much pain he had inflicted on her she couldn't allow him to suffer, she couldn't turn him away not in this state.

'Alright L, let's go down to the reading room.'

'No, I want to be in here, in your room.' He demanded, his eyes were intense and she felt a little unnerved by his behaviour.

'Oh...Okay then, come in.' She steps aside and he walks through, hands in pockets as usual.

She gestures to one of the chairs near the fireplace, he sits in it but doesn't take his usual sitting pose, and instead he almost collapses in the chair.

Lily takes a seat in front of him and moves the chair close feeling the need to be closer to him in case he suddenly faints as he seemed paler than usual. Their intense row hadn't just exhausted her it seemed.

She didn't know where to begin or how to act. The last time they were in a session they were patient and doctor, now everything was a complete disaster because she had stupidly confessed her feelings for him which he had no reciprocated.

However much she was feeling heartbroken she wouldn't deny him the chance to speak and the chance for her to help; the doctor in her needed to carry on.

'L? You are worrying me a little, what is it you need to say?' She asked calmly having to stop herself from reaching for him, she couldn't help it, she loved him and all she wanted to do was to comfort him.

She noticed he had not treated his hand; it was stained red from the now dried blood. 'L you should put some ice on this...' She tried to take it but it flinched away and sat up a little looking into the fire.

'Do you believe in demons doctor?' He asked he gripped the arms of the chair.

Lily frowned, she remembered he had mentioned demons a couple of times in the screen room but she hadn't really understood why. 'I believe in the supernatural.' She answered him. Although in truth Lily believed in both good/light energies and bad/dark energies. She also believed that demons were in everyone just like angels were in everyone; it just depended on which route the individual took.

'They are real, I have seen them with my own eyes, they are called Shinigami in Japan which translates to God of death.'

This was not what Lily had expected to hear at all, 'How is this possible L? When did you see them?'

He looks at her and then around the room; he started to make her feel uncomfortable and a little on edge.

'I see them because I touched the cursed Death Note. Because every Death Note has an owner and that owner is a Shinigami, it's just sometimes such as the Kira case for example they can be owned temporarily by a human.'

Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing, but she trusted L was telling the truth or that he may have lost his mind. 'Why would you touch such a thing?'

His eyes fixed onto hers, they looked like black holes; he was totally lost in his thoughts. 'Because I had to know...'

'And now? Do you still see them?'

L nodded and started biting on his thumbnail.

'In this house?' She asks shivering a little.

He nods again and then looks at her, 'But never when I'm with you. Sometimes days go by when I don't see anything, then when I'm alone in my room I see it, it's always a shadow now but I know it's there, usually outside of my window looking in. I have yelled out a few times but because the house is as big as it is no one has heard me.'

'Jesus L, how can you have gone through all this alone without telling anyone? Why not tell anyone?' She said with fraustration she hated the thought of him being terrified and alone.

'Because I never thought anyone would believe me, the only people who have seen the Shinigami are either dead or not in the country, I've heard they aren't doing so well, one of them has already been committed to a mental institution, I'm afraid that is where I might end up.'

Lily shakes her head, 'No L, you won't you've already taken a rational and brave move by coming and opening up to me...does Watari know about this?'

He shakes his hair causing his locks to wave about, 'He knows about their existence of course, but he doesn't know that I still see it.'

'Can it do anything to you? I mean physically harm you?' she asked feeling a wave of panic hit her.

'It can kill me Lily, the Death note that belonged to Kira is now back in its possession and if it wanted it could kill me, but I am not afraid of death, not anymore I came to terms with that when working on the Kira case as I was sure I was going to die.'

'So if you're not afraid of death, then what is it about the Shinigami that you fear so?'

He sat up and pulled his chair forward bringing him toe to toe with her. He leant forward and took her hands in his. 'I fear for you, if anything were to happen to you and I wasn't here because of that thing...I can't bare the thought, that's why I reacted the way I did earlier, it was a shameful and a cruel act on my part but I have never felt this way about anyone and nor have I ever felt fear like this.'

Lily didn't know what to say, but when she looked into his soulful eyes she knew he was telling her the truth. 'It's my fault L.' she said her eyes falling down to their clasped hands.

He pinched her chin gently and pulled her face up to his, 'What is? You have done nothing wrong.'

'I should of left with my mother, I should of stayed away from you and now look at where we are, now you have to protect me, to keep vigilant because of me. If I wasn't here you could bring this monster killer down without me being in the way and now I hear about this Shinigami? It's bad enough you having to deal with that and I'm just making everything harder for you. God I sound so pathetic!' She snatches her hands from his and looks up wiping her tears away.

'No Lily, you are not a burden that was my fear and my own selfish need to push the only person that has ever broken through my walls away. I don't understand why it was you to do so, but because of you I will never be the same and I feel stronger facing the demon when you're around, like I said it never comes when I'm with you. Although I believe I will continue saying the wrong things at the wrong time, I haven't managed to grasp the way of filtering just yet.'

Lily laughs almost sending snot and tears all over him. She looks around for a tissue feeling so embarrassed.

L smiles amused at her, 'I'll get you a tissue...' He gets up from his seat and shuffles to the en suite and brings back a mound of tissue paper.

Lily laughs behind her hand, 'my god L, think you have enough?'

He looks down at the pom pom of tissue paper in his hand a little confused, I thought it best to get more than less.. .' He says innocently.

Lily laughs again and takes the pom pom and places it at her nose and blows.

L smiles and fiddles with her jewellery on the dressing table. Lily wipes herself off and then points to his hand. 'L you have to clean that and see what the damage is.'

He looks down at his bloodied hand and tries to flex it, he flinches from the pain.

'Well that's not a good sign,' she says and comes towards him. He lets her examine his hand and flinches when she pokes a very tender and bruised knuckle.

'It's really bruised but I can't see how much so, come on in here.' She pulls him by the wrist towards the bathroom and sits him down on the toilet. 'Let's wash the blood off and then we can see what the damage is I hope.'

L said nothing but watched her every move. She dampened a face towel and placed it under the warm tap. She then turned to him and knelt down in front of him. She started gently dabbing and wiping his hand with the towel, he flinched a few times but never made a sound.

They sat in silence, the tension started to grow between them, but she kept her eyes down making sure she was careful to wipe gently away the blood.

'I'm sorry for my behaviour, I've never been the aggressive type, I should never have struck out.'

She nodded not really knowing what to say because in all honesty his reaction had scared her; she didn't expect L to have a temper, but it was more than just him striking out at something from pure rage. She knew fear was the main perpetrator and he didn't know how to deal with it. But he was being honest with her and she felt this had brought them closer on a deeper level and not just a physical one.

'It's alright, I understand how pent up energy affects people and if it's not released then it explodes after a while.'

'It's still no excuse to behave like that in front of you, I never want to see that look in your eyes again, I truly am sorry Lily.'

She nodded feeling her lip start to tremble but she held back her tears, he seemed to be able to get her just by being sincere and well just being L. 'I forgive you L, she says without looking up.

'Lily? Can I see your face when you say that?' He asked gently.

She looked up at him and saw the sadness and fear in his eyes, 'I forgive you L, truly.'

He nodded a little then looked at her lips; she quickly ducked her head back down and focused on his hand again.

He of course noticed her pulling back, he knew she knew that he had wanted to kiss her, but it seemed he had damaged whatever trust she had for him. He felt as if a dagger had pierced him through his heart, a little dramatic for the greatest and most ruthless detective in the world, but this hurt him more than anything he had ever encountered.

'At least you won't have to have stitches,' she said smiling up at him again trying to lighten the mood a little. He didn't say anything just nodded a little.

They stare at each other for a few intense moments before she releases his hand and stands up. He stands up along with her.

'Be sure you get a bandage on it to protect it, you don't want to be knocking it everywhere.'

He nods again and walks out of the bathroom; she follows him out.

He notices then her packed bag and half packed bag on the floor, she notices too and goes to stand in front of them.

'I told you I was packing,' she said feeling a little guilty.

'Will you stay? I know I have no right to ask, but there is more to be said, I just don't know how to say it now, I have to gather my thoughts and think. But I want you to stay more than anything'

She looks down and fiddles with her fingers not wanting to look at him, she couldn't bare the look of distraught in his eyes, but she really didn't know what she should do.

He nods and walks towards the door and opens it, she follows him quickly not wanting them to part tonight like this.

He looks back at her, 'Can you just promise me you'll think about staying Lily? I know I have no right to ask you and we all know the danger that looms over us, but I can't bear to be alone, without you...I...I need you and yes I am selfish but I am also honest.'

She wipes a tear away again from her face as she looks up at him, she leans forward and kisses him on the cheek, he watches her with his huge eyes, hopeful.

'Let me sleep on it okay?' She says her voice hoarse.

He nods and then leaves without another word. She watches him walk down the corridor then up the second flight of stairs to his room.

She closes the door gently and collapses on the bed.

Watari finally had arrived back home after safely seeing the children off at the airport. He breathed a sigh of relief to know they were safe and far away from the danger that lurked here.

As he opened the door he found L sitting on the bottom step of the grand staircase looking distressed and tired.

'L? What are you doing sitting there? Is everything alright? Where's Miss Everly?' He asked concerned while closing the door behind him.

'She's in her room fast asleep, I just checked on her not long ago...' He mumbled. He was rocking backwards and forwards.

'Lawliet? What is it?' Watari tended to use his real name when he was concerned for his adoptive son; he hated seeing him this way because let's face it L rarely showed any emotion to anyone, there had been times when L had come to him for advice and encouragement, but never had he seen him in such a state.

'I'm wretched; I hurt and destroy anyone who dares to come close to me, why I am this way Watari? Why can't I just be normal?' He voice finally breaks, a gentle sob leaves him.

'Oh my boy.' Watari comes to him and sits down beside him and puts an arm around L's shoulders and holds him close. He hadn't held him like this since he was a child but then L had never, ever broken down in front of him.

Slowly L drops his head and rests it on Watari's chest silently sobbing. Watari simply holds him for as long as he needs wishing for the sun to rise leaving behind a truly difficult and exhausting day.

A ** _gain thank you for all your reviews. I am so happy you all are enjoying it. I hope you became as emotional as I did with the thought of the gorgeous L finally allowing his emotions to service...who wants to give him and hug and a kiss? I know I do. X_**


	13. Chapter 13

Lily opened her door slowly and walked out into the corridor. She smiled a little as the sun shone brightly through the windows above the staircase making it seem warm and almost magical. She could hear the birds singing their happy little morning song. She thought that the birds may be trying to cheer her up after such a difficult night, it would be in their nature to do so.

She didn't even bother to dress and just slunk on her silky dressing gown over her night dress and walked over to the other staircase leading up to L's room. She looked up from the bottom and bit her lip in thought. She wanted to know how he was, if he had slept at all but what if he was sleeping, she didn't want to disturb him and god knows he needed the rest.

So she turned away and continued down the main staircase and walked into the dining room. There Watari sat with a beautiful breakfast all laid out just for him. The house was quiet and he seemed so lonely sitting there by himself. The scene made her feel so sad for him.

She put on her bravest smile and walked into the room fully. 'Good morning Watari.' She said as brightly as she could muster. 'Main I join you for breakfast?'

He gleamed at her with such a warm smile she almost blushed. 'Ah my dear Miss Everly, of course you may, please.' He gestures to the chair in front of him.

She sits smiling at him, 'How were the children? Did everyone go off safely?'

'Yes, they were fine, a little emotional, little Kiki didn't want to leave of course.' He said a little sadly and sighed.

Lily tuts sadly, 'bless her, she is such a wonderful girl...; it is so quiet now.' She looked around.

He puts his newspaper down and looks up and around too hoping to hear the sounds of children running, playing or even arguing. 'Yes, it will take some getting used too I'm afraid. However this house has been quiet before. L and I lived here for many years when it was just the four of us living here.'

Lily's teaspoon slipped out of her fingers at the mention of L's name. She cleared her throat a little embarrassed. 'How is he? Is he still in bed?'

Watari looked at her and smiled sadly, he dipped his head a little. 'He didn't go to bed last night, it was one of those nights I'm afraid.'

She sighed heavily feeling horribly guilty and saddened to hear L had lost another night of sleep.

'So you know where he is?' She asked quietly.

Watari pointed out towards the beautiful grand windows overlooking the gardens. 'He's been out there since sunrise, meditating I believe, he used to practice it daily until the Kira case; it warms me to see him taking it up again.'

Lily nodded and squinted her eyes trying to make out the white dot sitting in the middle of the open lawn. Her eyes suddenly widened with a realisation, 'Oh god, it's not safe out there, that psychopath could be out there!' She stood up quickly nabbing the table a little and spilling some tea on the saucers.

'It's alright my dear, L had already learned of SHS's whereabouts and he has run off scared when L sent a squad after him. Of course we aren't out of the woods yet with that monster is still on the loose but he won't come here; knowing how much protection we have and how easily we can entrap him, he wouldn't dare. Also shooting people isn't really what he is all about. It's too quick you see...' Watari shakes his head in disgust.

Lily puts her hand on her chest to try and calm her rapid beating hurt.

Watari looks at her with a curious glance, 'You really care for him don't you?' He asked gently.

Lily nodded her head still looking out of the window, she then looked back at Watari feeling ashamed, 'I'm sorry sir, you called upon my mother and I to come and help L, to help treat him and cope with his depression...;It's so unbelievably unprofessional of me, I didn't realise he'd be so...' Fascinating, wonderful, entrancing, lovable, sexy, addicting..., she couldn't possibly admit these things to Watari, so she stayed quiet.

'I understand my dear, truly I do and I've never seen L react to anyone as he has with you. I shouldn't share this with you because it was a low moment for L I know, but he came to me a broken man last night, sobbed in my arms, he hasn't done so since he was a child and that was very rare.'

As if Lily didn't feel guilty enough, now her heart felt like breaking into a million pieces.

'Please don't think I am sharing this with you to make you feel guilty my dear, I am sharing this for the sake of L. You have changed him and that's where we are at this very moment, there is no going back now. But I never want to see him that way again and so I have to know now from your own lips what are you going to do?'

'I don't understand...' She said her voice shaking.

'You have to make a decision and it has to be now I'm afraid. He is in a fragile state, more than I have ever seen him in and he needs a reason to keep going. But if you decide you do not want to be here, with us, with him then it will be best if you leave today so he can heal, so he can process everything and then hopefully he will get his mind back into work. You are no longer just a doctor to him Lily, we all know that.' He said looking at her while lowering his glasses. He was very serious.

She couldn't do anything but shake her head.

'Or,' He continued, 'you can go to him now, go and embrace him, tell him you're staying.'

Lily bit her lip, tears again streaming down her face, she didn't care how she looked in front of Watari now, all walls were broken through and he knew, he knew that she loved him but of course he was looking out for his son, for his L.'

She breathed in deeply and looked at him finally; she nodded and smiled a little. He nodded back and watched her walk out of the dining room hoping from the very bottom of his soul she would make the right decision.

* * *

L was in a deep meditation, his hair blowing in the gentle breeze; he took in another deep breath and sighed. The sun felt good, really good on his skin, he hadn't felt it for so long. He also didn't know how long he had been here for, but he didn't care, he couldn't go back to that house, not when she was there, he couldn't face her, couldn't face her leaving, couldn't face her goodbyes.

He was being a coward he realised, but he had never felt such pain before last night, he couldn't catch his breath when he was sobbing on Watari and it just kept coming. When he had finally calmed down he apologised profusely to his adoptive father. Watari wouldn't hear any of it but of course wanted to know what had had him in such a state in the first place.

* * *

L tried to keep everything as simple as he could, not wanting to share every detail and every thought he had been having about the beautiful Lily.

 _'_ _We have kissed.' He said pacing up and down in front of a very surprised Watari. L put his hands over his face and groaned in them loudly with fraustration._

 _Watari didn't really know what to say to that, as far as he knew L had never, ever kissed anyone. 'Oh I see, well I would say that I am happy for you, she is a lovely and very bright woman, but it seems to be torturing you.'_

 _L stopped his pacing and put his head down, his arms now hanging by his sides. 'Look at me Watari, this is not the L you know. I don't even know who I am anymore, what I am needed for...because of her. If she doesn't want me in her life...I fear that there is no point to mine.'_

 _Watari had heard him say something similar after the Kira case, but it was a totally different situation and L wasn't dealing with a broken heart, instead it was more like a broken ego. 'Lawleit, you can't speak this way, you have to talk to her, love can be a torture my boy as you're obviously experiencing, but it can be the most blissful and wondrous feeling, better than solving any case.'_

 _L looked up at him, 'I do not doubt it Watari, for I have experienced both ends of the spectrum in just a couple of weeks. As soon as I saw her, she didn't even speak, but I could tell from her energy, there was something about this woman and I instantly felt on edge.'_

 _'_ _I have aided you with many things L; mostly it's been aiding you in certain cases or stepping in for you when it was needed. I have broken up fights between you and the other children when you were younger...sometimes even now; you seem to fight with Mello a lot.'_

 _'_ _Are you coming to a point Watari?' L asked exasperated, he didn't want to hear any of this now, he just wanted the pain to stop, he wanted to feel like himself again._

 _Watari ignores L's sudden outburst and carries on calmly, 'What I am saying and you probably do not want to hear it, is that apart from supporting you through whatever happens between you and Miss Everly there is not much else I can do or say to help. It's between the both of you to sort out.'_

 _L started nibbling on his thumbnail in thought. 'I need to catch him or at least to locate where he is hiding to scare him out into the open, then and only then I can focus on what has to be done and she will be safe.'_

 _It's not what Watari was expecting to hear but it made him happy to hear it, he saw the glint of determination in L's eyes again and finally he felt hope._

' _Yes, I agree, shall we get to work then?' Watari asked picking up his coat from the bottom step._

 _'_ _I don't expect you to help me, you have had a long and tiresome day and evening for that matter, you should get to bed.'_

 _'_ _Well I do believe you are in need of aid and that is what I do is it not?' Watari held his chin up proudly and adjusted his glasses._

 _L felt an immense urge to hug his guardian there and then, but he thought better of it, just hearing about how L had finally had his first kiss had probably given Watari the shock of a lifetime, so he smiled a little and nodded, 'Thank you Watari.'_

* * *

He breathed in deeply again, amazingly the mediation was giving him more energy, he expected himself to have of fallen asleep within first hour but no, it was if the sun was filling him up with its rays of pure energy.

A slight breeze again came and stroked him and in that breeze he smelt a familiar perfume. His heart started racing and his eyes sprang open. The light blinded him and he put a hand over his eyes to shield them.

Lily was walking towards him in her silken, black dressing gown, she looked a picture with her brown long hair loose and wavy, but she had her arms crossed over her and her head down not looking too pleased. L didn't want to hear her goodbyes.

As she walked closer to him her heart raced and her stomach hurt. She felt incredibly nervous and skittish. She knew what she wanted but telling the man she had hopelessly fallen in love with how much he meant to her and how sorry she was felt like an impossible task.

It was only getting more difficult the closer she came to him, she could see how angelic and at peace he looked in the sun while taking in its goodness. She wanted so much to touch his face, to feel how warm it was from the sun. She just needed to be near him.

Her heart misses a beat when he opens his eyes and turns his head towards her shielding the sun from his own; she slows down her pace as his look was not a welcoming one.

He suddenly holds a hand up, 'Stop, I don't need to hear it Lily, I can guess just by the look on your face what your decision is, please just turn around and go, don't make this any harder. I wish you and your mother the very best and thank you for everything you have done.'

After a few pauses Lily continues walking towards him.

L raises his voice a little, 'Lily, I think it made myself quite clear, we said all we needed to say to each other. SHS will be caught soon, you are safe, I will be fine and so shall you be.'

She reaches him and stands in front of the sun so he could see her without shielding his eyes. She kneels down in front of him.

'Lily please, I can't say goodbye, just go, don't be so cruel.' He pleads with her.

She shakes her head and then reaches out to cup his startled face, 'I'm not going anywhere.' Then she kisses him, really kisses him like she means it with everything she has. He is stunned and doesn't kiss her back. When she slowly breaks the kiss he tries to speak, 'I..I thought...I don't understand...my behaviour, the way I am, what I've told you. I thought that would be enough to drive anyone away.'

'L I said I would sleep on it, it wasn't a no and how could I go anywhere when I've finally met the man of my dreams.' She smiles at him lovingly.

'I don't know what to say, I hardly want to believe it in case it's a nightmare and you're really leaving.'

'Then don't speak.' She says and kisses him again.

This time he kisses her back and takes her in his arms as she straddles his lap and wraps her arms around his neck.

His hands tentatively stroke up and down her back, he didn't know what he was doing, even feeling someone else's clothes was a odd sensation, but the silk she was wearing was so soft and cooled his skin.

He moaned into her mouth as he deepened the kiss and held her tightly to him in fear she would bolt at any moment. He broke the kiss to talk, he was panting a little, 'I'm twenty eight and the only person I have ever kissed is you and I want you to be the last.'

She smiled and giggles a little, 'that's the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me.'

He smiled a true toothy grin that made her heart flutter because he was so utterly gorgeous and carefree in that moment, he truly looked happy

'My God, you are so gorgeous.' She said her voice laced with love.

He shyly chuckled and looked down, 'Lily, you've made me blush, I never blush; I'm probably red as a tomato.'

She snorted a little, 'well yes that's true actually...how long have you been out here again?' She smirks and pokes one of his cheeks.

He flinches as it felt a little tender. 'Um, since sunrise?' He looked up to the sky.

'Well I think it's best you come in, you're a little sunburnt.' She giggles, 'At least you're going to have a nice tanned face.

The look he gave was of pure horror, 'me tanned? Oh no! I'm always white; I don't want a tan or a red face.'

She laughed so hard she fell on top of him and pushed him down on the grass. He giggles with her and they roll around like children laughing and hugging. He starts to kiss her again, this time placing himself on top of her; he was getting brave she thought.

The soft playful kissing starts to become a little more heated and passionate. They both moan and cling on to each other, needing the other for comfort and love.

He kisses her neck and she moans in pure bliss, 'Oh my god L, you are a fast learner, your lips feel like heaven.'

He looks up to her then, his hair ruffled and his cheeks rosy from the sun, 'I've been told I have a talented tongue.' He randomly says.

Lily laughs, 'who told you that?'

'Well, when I was holed up in Germany in a hotel with three officers, for a case of course, I was eating come cherries.'

Lily frowns a little confused but smirks, 'Okaaay.'

I have a habit of tying the cherry stems into knots and such in my mouth. And I remember oddly one of the female officers smirking at me. When I asked what was so funny she said I must have a very talented tongue. I asked why would she say such an odd thing, she then proceeded to point at my tied cherry stems on the table. She said because I could so that with my mouth it meant I am a good kisser with a talented tongue. She was an odd woman indeed, she even gave me the number and key to her hotel room that evening saying that I should come up to her room if I had any more news on the case. Then she walked off and winked at me.'

Lily couldn't help the jealously that hit her, this must of been a while ago but the thought of anyone flirting with L made her want to punch her hand through a door herself.

'Did you go up to her room then?' She asked trying to keep her voice light and carefree.

'No, firstly I never visit anyone else's room especially when it is about a case and secondly, well I don't like visiting people.'

Lily laughed again, L smiled but he didn't know why she as laughing. He didn't care however and it was the most sublime and addicting sound he had ever heard.

'L you're the most intelligent innocent I have ever known.' She says between laughs.

'I don't know what that means or why you say that either,' He was still smiling but yet still so confused.

Lily sat up trying to catch her breath, 'L my darling, she liked you, she invited you to go up to her room for another reason, it had nothing to do with the case...' She brushed a hair from his eye as he sat up next to her.

'How do you know? You weren't there.'

'Think about it, she mentioned about the cherry stems? The talented tongue? The key and the wink?'

He just looked at her blankly. She laughed again and kissed his nose, 'she was evidently inviting you to go to her room and well...sleep with her or at least try out your talented tongue.'

When the penny finally dropped Lily could see his expression turn from confused to horrified, 'That vile woman, she was an officer of the law and I was only nineteen at the time!'

'Well it's not just the murderers and thieves a gorgeous and innocent one like you have to watch out for...' She said poking his chest playfully.

'So it would seem.' He said still a little shocked, then he turned to her and smirked, 'but now I have you to fight them off right? That's what boyfriends and girlfriends do? Correct?'

How could anyone be so damn adorable she thought? 'Yes I suppose your right.'

He smiles again showing his amazingly white teeth and then shyly goes in for another kiss.

'I can honestly say Lily; I've never felt so happy.' He said between kisses.

'Even when we have a killer hunting us? He could even be watching us now.' She knew she shouldn't tease but even a psycho like SHS wasn't going to ruin this moment, she wouldn't allow it.

'I am always being hunted Lily, so it's all the same to me.' He kisses her again then stops and looks at her seriously for a moment, 'However now that I have found the most precious person in my life, he will not be free for long, I won't allow it.'

She gulped a little then suddenly fearing for his life, she has only just found him and was terrified he would be taken away from her, from everyone who loved him. 'You just make sure you work with me and Watari okay? Don't go out on your own after him, promise me L; I couldn't bear to lose you.'

'You can't ask that of me, I have always had the freedom to do what must be done and if that means I must endanger my own life to save another then so be it and I will do it Lily, for you, I would anything.' He said defensively.

'You still do have the freedom but think of me, think of what I would be feeling not knowing if you were safe or not, I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you and I wasn't there for you, you have to remember I am in your life now and you are in mine, we have to consider each other when making decisions now.'

He thought for a moment, then he looked up his eyes penetrating hers, 'If it were up to me Lily I would take you to bed and we would never leave it.'

Lily opened her mouth a little and then smiled bashfully not expecting to hear those words come from him.

'He cleared his throat a little and looked down. Then after composing himself he looks up again he eyes softer now, 'But I will take into consideration everything you have said, I can't promise anything else right now.'

Lily nods and then hugs him tightly; he hugs her back burying his face in her hair.

Lily's stomach suddenly rumbles like thunder. L immediately holds her out in front of him to see her face.

'Have you eaten?' He asked concerned.

She bites her lip a little embarrassed, 'not yet, but I really wasn't hungry when I came out here.'

She barely finished her sentence when he springs up to his feet with lightening speed and then takes her hand and leads her back towards the house.

'L I'm not starving, it's probably still only breakfast time...' She said amused.

'Not by what the sun says, if I'm correct and I usually am it's now gone one.' He yells over his shoulder without looking at her on the sun.

Hmm some éclairs would go down a treat right about now she thought as they entered the house.

* * *

 **Thank you again to all my amazing readers! I love reviews and comments and I love hearing about how the sotry affects you personally if it does at all? Thank you again! :D**


	14. Chapter 14

Lily smirked to herself as she sat patiently waiting at the table overhearing the commotion in the kitchen.

Her heart went out to the cook because she now had to deal with L as her assistant cook...; more like kitchen maid Lily thought. She knew L couldn't cook but he was persistent in learning how to make some simple pancakes just for her.

Lily had pleaded with him not to go to so much trouble and it was past breakfast time anyway. But he wouldn't hear it; he wanted to show her he could do something other than eat the food that was always made for him.

So now here she was, laughing and listening to pans being dropped, cook yelling at L to move out of the way and she also swore she had smelt smoke at some point.

She jumped as L awkwardly fell out of the kitchen door; his white apron was covered in splat marks from the pancake batter.

She giggled as he picked himself up from the floor; he scratched his head feeling completely mortified.

'What happened? Did the pancakes fight back?' She teased stirring her cup of tea.

'Something like that.' he said dropping his head down a little. 'She threw me out, said she had enough of my interfering and that she would get things done a lot quicker if I wasn't there.' He sulked.

Lily held back another giggle, he was even more adorable when he sulked like a child but she also found it hilarious. 'Well you tried your best and I truly appreciate it, come sit with me.'

He took his apron off hung it over one of the dining chairs, still obviously sulking. Hands in pockets he came shuffling over to sit next to her.

'Aw come here sweetie,' Lily teased as she hugged him in her arms and petted his head.

'Can an employee throw her employer out of the kitchen?' He asked while resting his head on her shoulder.

'She can when you are in the way.' She said amused.

'Hmm'

They sat in silence for a short time while Lily stroked his hair tenderly. He started to relax and breathe deeply feeling totally at peace in her arms.

'L?'

'Yes?'

'I think, now that I am staying for a little longer, I think we should carry on with your sessions. Your treatment shouldn't be jeopardised because things have changed between us.'

She felt him tense a little he didn't answer. 'L?' You opened up to me last night, you told me things that shouldn't be ignored; I want to help you, so please allow me too.'

He was quiet for some time, she thought that he may not even answer her at all but then he spoke up linking his hand with hers.

'Do you know what it is like to not feel fear?'

She looked down at him a little puzzled but then thought about his question, 'No, I don't suppose I do; there has always been something I have always been afraid of.'

'I have. I lived almost 26 years not feeling any fear at all. I have had guns pointed at me, I've been poisoned, I've been kidnapped, I've been beaten within an inch of my life yet still, I have never felt fear.'

Lily held onto him a little tighter as the list of what he had gone through tore her apart; she had a feeling however that this wasn't even the half of it. He was L after all; hated by thousands of criminals and authorities alike. She believed him when he had told her he was always being hunted and she felt so incredibly helpless to stop it from happening.

'Something tells me that all changed after the Kira case?' Lily said quietly.

She sighed heavily, 'Yes, Kira changed everything. He opened the door to a world I never thought was possible and what makes it so unfair is that he is gone from this world but left the door wide open to the other for the rest of us to deal with.' He said through gritted teeth.

'You're speaking of the...' Lily was cut off as L sat up quickly and looked at her in the eyes, his own filled with fear.

'Please Lily, I don't want to speak of it now, like I have mentioned before. It never comes when I'm with you, so when I'm with you I want to it to remain happy... or at least until we finish pancakes.' He sounded so serious even, especially when he spoke of the pancakes.

Lily smiled and stroked his face, he flinched a little. 'Okay L, I'll wait until we are stuffed full of pancakes.'

'With chocolate sauce? Warm of course...' He asked.

'Mm, now I really want those pancakes!' She rubbed her tummy.

He let out a little laugh and then bit his thumb in thought looking at her intensely.

'What?' She asked poking his chest.

'I don't think I have ever laughed so much in my life, it's such an unfamiliar sound even to my own ears. Also...I have to confess something...'

'Go on...' She cocks an eyebrow up.

'I do believe that kissing you has become my favourite past time.' He simply stated.

Lily laughs with joy, 'L the way you articulate things sometimes, I love it.'

'I love you.' He suddenly admits still gnawing away at his thumbnail. His eyes now focused on hers with such intensity it took her breath away.

Lily stops laughing; she gasps not knowing what to say. 'What?' She finally croaks out.

'I've never loved anyone or anything, not even the numerous pets we have had through the years. But I know this feeling is not just a chemical reaction in my mind, you remember us speaking before about love?' He asked now taking her hands in his shyly as if he wasn't sure if he was allowed to take them or not. She nodded still shocked.

'I have never felt this way before, but since our first kiss that night when your mother went away, I knew I couldn't deny my feelings any longer even though I tried to mask my reason for kissing you as just an experiment on my part. A failed attempt to deny myself from what I truly felt.'

'You have felt this way all this time and you haven't said anything?'

'You were here to treat me Lily and I didn't want to spoil any chance of you doing so and again like I said, I have never felt this way before so of course I had no idea of how to approach it.'

'Kissing seemed to work...' Lily smirked.

Even though his cheeks were a little rosy from the sun she could still see his colour change as he blushed and looked down at their hands.

'L?'

He looks back up at her, 'hmm?'

She grips his shirt and pulls him in for another kiss. He keeps his eyes open for a little and looks around scared someone will see, but then he relaxes and closes his eyes allowing himself to become lost in another wonderous kiss.

'Well well well, looks like things have certainly changed since we left.' Came a voice Lily didn't recognise, however L certainly did.

They threw themselves back from each other and looked towards the doorway of the dining hall.

Lily gasped as standing in the archway was around ten young faces she had never seen before all looking straight at them. Lily felt mortified and wanted to duck and hide beneath the table.

L cleared his throat and then tried with all his might to speak as his usual self even though he was blushing more now unlike ever before, his face was so red. 'Mello..., Near, you're all back.'

The one he called Mello was tall and skinny with bright yellow hair. He was dressed in black leathers and chains, much like Soot had been wearing that day she met him in the aviary.

The cocky smirk never left his face as he leant on the wall while eating a huge chocolate bar. 'Yes well this is our home and our training is complete, for the time being anyway.'

'Does Watari know?' L asked still attempting to compose himself from the embarrassment and longing he had for Lily.

'He does now,' Watari said as he walked into the dining hall from the other side.

'Watari!' yelled one of the girls with long white hair which was decorated with numerous flower petals, she looked like a pixie.

Almost all them ran towards their guardian and embraced him; all but Mello and another boy who was all dressed in white with white hair to match.

Watari laughed as he embraced them all, 'I had no idea you were coming back today!' he exclaimed.

'Well good thing we did, otherwise we would have missed the biggest event this house has ever had! L locking lips with another human being! and a girl for that matter!' Mello teased.

Lily groaned and wanted to bolt out of the door especially when Watari gave them both a look of which she couldn't read. She prayed it was a good one.

'Mind your own business Mello.' L threatened, his eyes becoming fierce.

Mello snorts and bites another chunk of chocolate from his bar.

'So who is this? The white haired boy asked not even looking at either of them.

'This is Dr Lily Everly, she is a psychiatrist.' L introduced Lily without looking at her, he was all business now.

Mello laughs again, 'Finally Watari brought someone in to attempt to unlock L's human nature.'

'That's enough Mello.' Watari ordered sternly and immediately Mello quietened down.

'It just so happens I did invite Dr Everly here to offer her services to any of you if you so wish it. Since you have been gone many things have occurred, one matter in particular is very serious and I will discuss this all with you in due course. But I will expect all of you, including you Mello to show your upmost respect to Dr Everly and to know that she is here to listen and speak with you whenever you need it.' He turns to face a stunned Lily. 'Isn't that correct doctor?' Watari asked looking over his glasses.

Lily gulps and looks at L who subtly looks at her from the corners of his eyes then back to the children. 'Uh yes, that is correct.' She smiles sweetly.

'Can we kiss the doctor too then? Is that part of the therapy?' Mello teases and winks at her.

L slams his fists on the table and stands up, 'you better watch your tongue Mello or so help me I'll cut it out of you.' He was furious; Lily sat back little, eyes wide with surprise just like all the children and even Watari.

Mello seems a little shaken then snorts again trying to gather his composure, 'you never liked to share L.' And with that storms out of the room.

L tries to calm down and leans against the table with his head down. Lily wanted to comfort him but how could she with all these eyes on them? She could very well end up making it a whole lot worse.

'The fun never stops at Wammy's.' One of the older teens with red long hair snidely comments while flashing a cheeky grin at Lily. He had piercing green eyes and was stunning; in fact all the children were beautiful making Lily feel like the ogre in the room.

'Come on we will let L and the good doctor finish their brunch and then we will can all discuss everything together and then you can all introduce yourselves.' Watari suggests as he leads the hoard away from out of the dining room. The white haired boy named Near still doesn't make any eye contact as he walks slowly after the group twirling a lock of hair.

Cook then decides it was a good time to bring out a huge stack of pancakes and lay them on the table in front of L and Lily who were completely lost for words.

The round lady pinches L's arm making him gasp out in pain, 'See that's how you do it.'

L rolls his eyes and looks up to ceiling, 'I can't make sense of what just happened, all I wanted was some pancakes...was that too much to ask for?'

Lily serves herself a pancake and squirts some chocolate sauce on it, 'Apparently so.' She says quietly.

* * *

After the quiet and most awkward breakfast of her life Lily had dressed in a simple black dress, tights and shoes and headed downstairs. She hadn't made much of impact before but she was hoping to do so now. Especially as Watari had kindly offered her services to everyone in the house now. It was great practice she thought, but she also felt slightly overwhelmed by it all.

He obviously didn't want the others to know why she had really come here in the first place; she had also come to the same conclusion as she remembered the hard time that Mello had given L just for her being here. He had only walked through the door but that hadn't held him back.

Lily tried her best not to judge others before she herself could get to know them but the way he had spoken to L made not judging him increasingly difficult. At least L had shut him up in the end.

As Lily walked out into the corridor from her room she thought about what L had said. That he was in love with her. She smiled like a silly school girl at the memory. Just hearing those words was enough to make her feel like she could float down the stairs. Of course she wouldn't try it as knowing her she would break her neck just she had found love with the most astounding, adorable, mysterious, funny and kindest human in this world. She felt truly blessed.

Her smile quickly vanished as she walked into piano room and was horrified to find L being embraced by another girl. A young and pretty girl with a black bob hair cut.

The pain of jealously was overwhelming almost causing her to grip at her chest.

When L spotted her he cleared his throat and shuffled from the girl's grip taking a few steps towards Lily.

'Ah Lily, this is Suri. She was bringing in the bags when you met the others. She is one of the trainers the children have when at the temple I told you about.' He said speaking faster than usual, she could tell he was embarrassed but for what reason she thought.

Suri's blue stare seemed to take her in looking from top to bottom until finally she smiles and comes forward holding out a hand. 'Ah yes Dr Everly, I have had many wonderful things about you.' She says charmingly.

Lily smiles and shakes her hand, 'Oh really? From Watari?'

'Yes he has told me what brilliant work you have been doing trying to unravel the many mysterious of our beloved greatest detective.' She gives L a wink, he seems to blush and look away.

Lily grinds her teeth a little; she never thought she would be the jealous type, well now she had uncovered a new truth about herself.

Lily attempts a smile, 'So you came back with the children?' She asked still attempting to keep the smile on her face even though her teeth were clenched together.

'Yes, well I emailed Watari asking how everything was last night. Of course when he confided in me about the goings on with SHS I immediately took it upon myself to come back with the children to help keep everyone safe. And so here I am.'

'And we are very thankful to have you as always,' L said. Even though it was said in that monotone voice of his it didn't stop Lily feeling even more jealous. She could hardly bear it and was furthermore disgusted with herself for not being able to get a hold of her own emotions. Obviously being a psychiatrist didn't help dealing with psycho level jealously.

She wondered how much this Suri knew of her and L's relationship. She hadn't been there to witness their kiss as all the others had. But had she already been told by them? Who knew but Lily was surely going to make it evident, she just had to wait for the right moment.

'Well Watari is waiting for us I believe, come on then you awkward human.' She said while locking arms with L and leading him out along with her without even giving Lily a second look.

L glanced back at Lily his eyes pleading with her, for what she didn't know. But as Lily stood their alone, listening to Suri laugh and waffle on to a silent L she thought to herself. The game is on.


	15. Chapter 15

Lily sat on one of luxury couches next to Watari in the main sitting room. She noticed she hadn't spent much time in this room, she only came in every now and then to view the masterful, gold crafted clock that sat on the mantel above a huge fireplace; they really loved their fire places in this house.

She had introduced herself properly to everyone and then they politely introduced themselves to her, even the odd kid Near. Mello was sitting in an armchair still eating chocolate. He didn't say a word. What was it with sweets in this house?

Everyone then listened to Watari detail the situation with SHS.

Everyone listened closely, their eyes wide with concern, the white haired girl, Eve, clung to Watari's arm, she seemed terrified and Lily felt for her.

She looked across the room and found L's huge dark eyes staring at her. Thankfully Suri had released his arm, and he went to stand away from her. Good Lily thought. Suri played with Near's hair, much to his distress, but she didn't let up so in the end he allowed it.

Bit of a bully and an annoyance Lily thought, how everyone had put up with her for all these years she didn't know.

Suddenly Lily's shoulder was gently bumped. She looked beside her to find the teen with the long red main of hair smiling at her. His piercing green eyes were astounding; Lily had never seen such eyes. He leaned in closer when she gave him a smile back, 'So what's with you and the robot?' He winked.

Lily instantly hated L being called a robot and she stiffened slightly as she answered him, 'I don't think it's appropriate to speak about it now and he's not a robot, far from it.'

'mmm yeah, you would know.' He smirked.

Lily opened her mouth to tell him where to go when she heard L speak up.

'Kenzo don't speak when Watari is speaking; this case, this killer concerns all of us so do show some respect.' He said sternly.

Everyone looked towards L then to Kenzo whom cleared his throat embarrassed. 'Yes of course, my apologies Watari.'

Watari rolled his eyes and sighed, 'Thank you L. Now because L and I managed to scare SHS out of hiding he is vulnerable and now a lower threat than he was.'

L walks forward a little as he continues from where Watari left off, 'However I know SHS and he is a lunatic. He is irrational and unpredictable; he will not remain hidden for long. Soon his ego will get the better of him and he will attack. Of course I am the main target of his revenge plot but that does not say he will not try and take down any of you.'

'That's why I'm here; I won't let him touch any of you.' Suri speaks up walking towards L. 'I can honestly say that everyone completed their training with flying colours meaning they can defend themselves if they had too.'

She looked to L for reassurance, but he gave none, 'that maybe so but I don't want anyone coming into contact with him, he will not only kill you he will torture you, all of you and take his time with it, because that's what he does. When the time comes for him to make himself known you will all go the panic room, no questions.'

Of course the whole room erupted into an angry roar.

'It's not only you and Suri who know how to fight L; he will not dare step foot in this house if we all stand together! You don't own us; if we want to stand and fight you can't stop us.' Mello yelled angrily. The others cheered along with him apart from Near who continued playing with his toys on the floor.

L sighed and closed his eyes trying to compose himself.

'Hush now everyone!' Shouted Watari, everyone turned silent once again. 'L is trying to keep you all safe, what is so hard to understand? SHS is the subject one of L's cases, therefore L feels responsible to face SHS alone. Of course that is not going to happen,' L goes to speak up but Watari puts up a hand, L remains quiet. 'If the time comes to us having to protect you all then we will follow L's plan, however those of you who wish to support L, Suri and I can keep watch. Monitor the grounds security cameras and report any suspicious activity. I remind you that all of you are in training still. There is only one L and he stands here still.' He nods to L. 'You already know what happens if something were to happen to L. His successor would then take over from where L left off and so on and so forth. As you all train and become wiser and more vigilant you will be able to assist L and I with cases around the world, but L is still here therefore we follow his guidance. Is that understood by everyone?'

Some nodded and some mumbled yes. Lily however stared at L with fear. She couldn't understand how easily Watari had spoken of L's death. She couldn't even entertain the thought.

'Now I understand you are all tired from your travels and therefore I think it best to carry on this subject at a later date. Of course L and I will keep you all updated on any new leads of SHS's whereabouts. But understand this; you are all safe in this house. Please do not lose your rational mind and thinking; keep calm in whatever circumstances occur. Now I dismiss you all to go and sleep, eat, run and frolic. But please stay near the house if you must go outside and always let someone know of your whereabouts and lastly keep all your mobile phones on you, that is non-negotiable.

As soon Watari had finished speaking he left with most of the children and teens. L quickly came over to Lily and took her hands in his. Lily couldn't help but look over his shoulder at a scowling Suri while Mello whispered something into her ear. Her look was priceless.

'Are you alright?' I understand some of the things said tonight could have been difficult to hear.

'Yes, I'm fine she smiled. The most difficult part was listening to Watari speak of someone becoming your successor if something were to happen to you.'

L looked at her a little confused, 'Why would that be the part that concerned you the most?'

She looks his shoulder again and noticed everyone had left. She hugged him tightly, his arms immediately embracing her. 'Because I couldn't bear the thought of losing you L.' She said snuggling into neck.

'I hate to be the one to tell you Lily, but perhaps you shouldn't of fallen in love with the world's most wanted detective.' He teased with his serious monotone.

Lily broke the hug and pinched him playfully in the stomach causing him to jump. 'That's not funny.'

He shrugged smiling a little. 'I've been told I don't have much of a sense of humour.'

'Not when you're making a joke like that...besides it looks like you won't need to worry as you have your own personal body guard at hand...' She couldn't help herself, she had to mention Suri; it was eating away at her.

Again he looked confused and looked behind him and then back again. 'Lily, I'm afraid you have lost me.'

'Suri, she hugged you, I thought you said you don't willingly hug anyone...' She said trying not to sound like a sulky teenager.

'I don't, she was the one who embraced me, she always does even though she is fully aware of my distaste for it. I never return her affections. But yes I suppose she is handy to have around to protect me and everyone for that matter. She is a talented fighter.'

'Hmm, alright as long as she keeps you safe I suppose I can tolerate her.'

'Tolerate? I don't understand. Has she been rude to you?'

'No, not exactly but...oh L I don't want to sound like a jealous girlfriend or anything.'

'Girlfriend?' He suddenly blushed. 'I have a girlfriend?'

This made Lily melt, just the way he asked, so bashfully. 'Um yes, I guess so. Although I don't think even Watari knows where we stand. So perhaps we should, um speak to him when it's the right time of course. I understand you live here too but I would feel a lot better knowing Watari knew what is happening between us.'

L suddenly brushed his hands through her hair, something he had never done before. He smiled and kissed her sweetly. 'I appreciate you thinking of him, of course he should know, they all should...'

'Wait, what? All of them? But uh perhaps at a later date..., besides I'm sure they all know by now. If walking in on us kissing didn't spell things out then what will?' She giggled but blushed at the embarrassing memory.

L seemed to blush too, 'Indeed, you are right.'

She embraced him once more, never wanting to let go. She closed her eyes and smelled in his scent, he always smelt of sweets which shouldn't surprise her.

'I better go and call my mother. She is probably wondering what is happening and she hasn't texted me later about my Granddad.' She said her words muffled from bring snuggled into his chest.

'I understand, I will be in the computer room when you are finished, come and find me there.'

She smiled up at him, he leans in for a kiss but quickly she puts her finger to his lips to stop him. His look of confusion caused her to giggle. 'No kisses, not yet otherwise I'll never leave this room or your arms and neither will you.'

She removes her finger from his lips. He subtly pouts, 'Very well. You make a valid point Doctor.'

'Don't sulk now; otherwise I'll make you eat something that doesn't have sugar in it.'

'I already agreed with you, there is no reason to be cruel.' He moaned.

She laughed, she just loved him. Loved his oddness and his quirks, she never wanted him to change, she only wanted for him to be happy and safe and now hopefully she could help assist him with that too.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Thank you again to all my lovely readers. Keep the reviews coming, Hope you enjoy this latest chapter! Much love! :)**_

L sat emailing as many agents and police stations he could find. He gave them all the details of SHS. He emphasised for they all to be on high alert and to contact him immediately if there were any sightings or leads.

He had kept the door to the computer room open so he could hear Lily approaching. He hated being alone, especially now without her. He could feel the all too familiar sensation of eyes watching him. He whipped around, almost falling off his chair as a cool breeze rushed past his ear. 'Damn.' He muttered to himself.

He looked beside him at the floor lamp Watari had brought up years ago. Not once had L ever thought about using it, he had always kept the room dark with only the screens illuminating the room. However at this very moment he was tempted to turn it on.

He left all thoughts of turning on the lamps and continued his work.

He spotted a shadow in his peripheral vision, he breathed in deeply. 'Go away.' He said sternly. The shadow vanished instantly but the room still felt cold and vastly empty. He longed for Lily, he needed her here...'

'L?' came a voice.

L jumped a meter in the air and flew off his chair to turn and face the voice. His eyes wide with panic.

'Whoa hey it's just me,' Suri said standing in the doorway holding her hands up. 'Since when did you become so jumpy?'

He wiped down his face with both his hands and turned to sit back onto his chair in his usual posture. 'It's known to happen when people sneak up on me.' He said and continued his typing.

'Well I suppose I do have ninja feet.' She giggled to herself and then took a seat next to him and swivelled in it making the chair squeak, L looked at her for a second and then looked back the screen not amused.

'Is there something you wanted Suri?' He asked while reaching for a lollipop on the table.

'No, not really. I was just curious about these certain rumours I've been hearing and wanted to see if they were true.'

He unwraps the lolly and puts it n his mouth, never looking in her direction. 'Is that so? You should have learned by now to listen to any rumours that are said around this house.'

She laughs, 'yeah I know that, but this one, from what I have seen with my own eyes seems to have some truth to it.' She said now leaning closer to him.

L is totally oblivious to her and carries on like she wasn't there, she stares at him intently.

'L? What is the deal with you and the doctor?' She asked her voice deepening a little.

He stopped typing and twirled the lolly around in his mouth not knowing how to answer such a personal and unexpected question.

Suri carries on, 'Because the way you grabbed her hands earlier and looked at her, I'd say all the rumours are true...'

'What rumours are they?' He asked still giving nothing away.

She cracked her neck making him grimace. 'That you and her are an item...you the great detective L have finally become a man and fallen for a shrink.' She said picking at her nails.

He started biting down on the lolly, 'Then I will have to say that the rumours are true.' He said crunching a piece of lolly.

The room was silent for a moment. The only sounds were the computers and him crunching on the lolly.

'Wow, after all this time? L shows that he does indeed have those male urges.' She snided.

'I was as surprised as you clearly are. I have never thought of myself ever waking down this path, especially when I know how much time a relationship can take. I have never really found anyone that I was attracted too as you know.'

She grinded her teeth a little then not knowing if that was a personal remark to her or not.

'Nor have I ever looked. To me it was all just normal human nature that I was glad not to be a part of.'

'So...what changed? Why her?'

He smiled a little when he thought of Lily. The moment he saw her, their first kiss, the walk to the pond, the fountain. So many wonderful memories entered his mind. They had already created so many together in such a small amount of time.

'Because she was open. She let me in and somehow made me open up and in doing so I let her in. She wanted to help even though she was a little out of her depth...not a lot of psychiatrists want to go near me, I can't imagine why, I am quite polite.'

'So she was treating you? That's how you met?' She asked feeling flustered from her anger.

'Yes, Watari didn't want to enclose the real reason Lily came here. For my benefit of course.'

'Well have you thought that perhaps her being your psychiatrist is one if not the only reasons you developed feelings for her? I mean come L, she was in your mind and you let her in, that already forms a certain bond. It could be just that, just a closeness that is felt between patient and doctor.' She said hoping to make him see sense.

'No Suri, I'm afraid that is not what happened. I only allowed her into certain parts of my mind. I didn't share anything deeper until we started to become closer, until I kissed her.'

She gasped, she couldn't help herself. Just the thought of L kissing was mad enough, but she couldn't believe he would be the one to evoke kissing. 'You kissed her?' she asked horrified, not bothering to hide it.

L sighed, 'yes I did and it was the perhaps the greatest moment of my life. Now Suri, I realise this may be a lot for you to take in, trust me I did not foresee Lily coming into to my life the way she did. But she did, I am happier than I have ever been and I never thought I would make it past a month when I came home from working on the Kira case.'

'You've only just met L and this is your first romance, you don't know...'

L cuts her off, 'I do know, I do Suri. I know how I feel about her and if you care for me the way you proclaim you do then perhaps you should wish me well. You may feel a little indebted to her.'

'Why on earth would I feel that?' She spat out.

'Because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Lily, she saved me and continues doing just by loving me; her treatment is secondary compared to the love she gives me.'

'I have always loved you L...' She says quietly.

This surprised L to the core, 'Love as in like a brother? A comrade?'

'No, nothing like that.'

'I, I don't know what to say Suri. I had no idea you felt the way you do, I only see you once or twice a year.'

'Then you're not as smart as you think you are L.' She gets up angrily and storms towards the door. She looks back to him, 'She cannot protect you, I can, she doesn't love you the way I do or ever will. Mark my words you're making a huge mistake detective but at least I'll be here to see it all blow up in your face.' She closes the door behind her shutting out the light from the corridor. L quickly turns on the floor lamp, the sudden light burns his eyes.

* * *

'Yes mother, I swear to you I'm well, L is a wonderful patient and is opening up to more and more with each session, we have become close..' She trailed off not wanting to say anymore, it was such a mess, the while situation. But she wouldn't change it for the world, not now that it had leaded her to L.

'Well, I'm glad to hear it Lily. Please keep in contact more, I do get bored sitting around waiting in the hospital for some test results even though your Grandfather is doing much better. Doctors are relentless.' He mother says exasperated.

Lily laughed down the phone, 'But we are doctors' mother.' She teased.

'Not like these buggers here...' She paused for a few moments. Lily could hear her mother's footsteps echoing, she was obviously pacing around while she waited in the hospital. 'Are you sure you don't need me to come back and carry on treating him? Like I said your Grandfather is doing better and I'm sure L doesn't need a lot more sessions, not by the sounds of it anyway.'

'No, no.' Lily suddenly said more loudly than she intended. She breathed in a little and carried on calmly, 'No, its fine mum really, I think we have found a good rhythm now and he seems much more brighter and like I said more open to speak with me.' She hoped she sounded convincing. She couldn't have her mother come back with SHS on the loose and now there was her and L's relationship...how was she going to tell her mother she had fallen for him? She needed more time, more time to catch SHS and then she and L could figure out a way to break it to her mother.

She could hear her mother speaking with someone, 'yes okay I'm coming. They are finished Lily so I have to go, but I'll you know what the results are and like I said keep me up to date. If you need any help you know I'm here.' She said obviously wanting to get off the phone.

'Yes and yes mum, now go I'll call you again soon or you call me okay? I love you, give my love to everyone especially Granddad.'

'I will and I love you too. Bye darling.'

Lily hung up and sighed a little. It was a relief her granddad was on the mend, some good news at last.

She heard laughter coming from the television room, she smiled at the sound. It had been a while since she heard laugher in the house. Watari although obviously feeling very on edge because of the situation with SHS seemed joyful now that some of the children were home. It was good to see him in such a way.

She wondered if L had joined them and peeked slightly into the room, she quickly took them all in but he wasn't there amongst then.

Of course he wouldn't be he was L after all. She thought. But it would of been nice to have him relaxing and laughing with the rest, but she knew that was not who he was. He would always be L, his mind would always be on the go...even if they went away together on holiday he would probably check out the local news and look for any criminals that needed putting away.

She always thought that she would want to be with a man who could relax, who could switch off. No workaholics. Well life has certainly a funny way of giving you what you thought you didn't want in someone you can't live without.

With that thought she hurried up the stairs and walked her way to the computer room. She noticed the door was shut and she knocked quietly on it so not to make him jump. 'L? Are you in there?' She waited for an answer but none came.

She knocked again a little louder this time, 'L?' Are you in there? Are you okay?' She put her ear to the door. Show could hear the computers were on but they were always on, then faintly she heard shuffling.

She turned the handle and walked in, she found L hunched down in the far corner of the room. His head down resting on his knees.

'Hey, are you okay?' She quickly walked over and knelt in front of him. She gently laid her hand on his arm; he jumped and looked up at her startled.

'Hey, it's okay it's me.' She said quietly stroking his arm. 'What's wrong? Why are you sitting on the floor?'

He looked at her, his eyes wide as always but again they showed fear, he was afraid.

She was becoming concerned now, 'Oh L, what's wrong? You're scaring me.'

'He won't leave me alone.' He looks over her shoulder behind her.

She slowly follows his eye line, but doesn't see anything. She turns back to him' You saw it again didn't you? Knowing exactly what had filled him with fear.

'No, no it...' He looks back at her...he leans in closer whispering, 'Him.'

She looks at him but before she can speak he opens himself and pulls her into him, gripping onto her for comfort.

She can hardly breathe, he was squeezing her so tightly, but she didn't care, he needed her in this moment. She couldn't stand seeing him like this. She puts her arms around him and he relaxes a little, allowing her to breathe. 'It's alright, I'm here,' She strokes his back and kisses his head.

They stay on the floor embracing for a while. Her legs start to ache and she carefully sits back from his grasp. He seems hesitant to let her go so she only manages to sit back a little.

'Let's get out of this room okay?' She asks, he slowly nods.

She stands up stiffly and then helps pull him off the ground. He keeps his eyes down as she leads him out and turns off the bright lamp as they walk out. She leads him down the corridor and decides to go into her room, remembering that was where he had opened up about the Shinigami and perhaps he felt safe there.

It was only an assumption but as she opened the door to her room and guided him in, he didn't fight back or say anything. 'Okay come on, lay down for a minute, you look so tired.'

She rubbed his back as he slowly climbed onto the bed and laid himself down.

She then walked to the other side, slipped her shoes off and climbed up behind him. She lay down and shuffled closer to him, wrapping an arm around his chest and spooning him.

She just held him, in silence waiting to see if he would talk or fall asleep. She hoped for the latter, he had looked so pale and on the verge of fainting, she didn't want to make it obvious of how worried she was for him.

Time passed and after a while her eyelids started to close. He shuffled slightly causing her eyes to flutter open again. She couldn't tell if he was asleep.

She felt his hand cover hers on his chest, nope defiantly not asleep.

In truth L had been asleep, he had fallen asleep not long after Lily had embraced him and pulled him close.

He then had awoken to a strange room, feeling warm and relaxed. As soon as he realised where he was, where Lily was his body had stiffened, his heart began to race. He had never been held like let alone share a bed with anyone. The fact that he had fallen asleep in the presence of another was yet another first, he felt totally overwhelmed by it all, but he didn't want this comfort to end, he could lay like this with her for eternity; he would change one thing however. He wanted to face her.

'Are you awake L?' She asked softly.

'Yes.' He said quietly.

'Thought so, did you sleep at all?'

'I did.'

Lily smiled against his back, 'I'm happy to hear it.'

She gave his hand a squeeze. 'Can you tell me what happened in there? Can you talk about it?'

He sighed, 'If I did you would think I was crazier than you already do.'

'Trust me L, you have already told me something that would probably send a lot running for the hills or at least making a phone call to the nearest institution, but I believe you. I trust you, so please trust me.'

He sighed again, 'Of course I trust you, I trust you as much as I trust Watari.'

She held him tighter, 'good, so please tell me what happened, I can't help you until you do.'

'I don't think anyone can help me, my own rational mind can't make sense of it, even though I have seen things that I never thought possible, yet they exist.'

'When I asked you if you has seen it again you said it wasn't an it, but a him. What does that mean?'

'What are your thoughts on the supernatural? Most psychiatrists think they can explain why people do what they do. However there have been questions asked of doctors and professionals in the medical field about the supernatural and unexplained phenomenons of the world which they simply cannot explain. What are your thoughts?'

'I have always believed that there is something that the eyes simply can't see and it has nothing to do with the mind. I became a doctor to heal, to decipher if my patient's conditions were of the mind and not something else. I have seen things too L, and I know it wasn't just the trickery of light or what have you.'

'Light...' He says as if he were in a trance.

'What?'

'It was him, it was Light.'


	17. Chapter 17

_**I hope you enjoy where the story is going.**_

 _ **I love picturing L's face when I write. He keeps me smiling and him being in love and feeling loved really makes this all worth while. Please keep reviews coming you lovely people. They really help keep ym going and always encourage me :)**_

 _ **Hello also to any new readers, thank you so much for jumping on this adventure. :D XXX**_

* * *

Lily walked up the stairs back to her room carrying a silver tray of tea, cakes and peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

She had told L she would be straight back, he had wanted to come with her but she gave him strict orders to lay and rest. He agreed but still sulked about it.

As she awkwardly opened the door balancing the tray on the other hand she noticed all the lights had been turned on.

'Do you think it's bright enough in here L?' She giggled and came in.

He sat up and his eyes sparkled when he noticed the cakes on the tray.

Lily giggled again at his expression, 'yeah thought you might be hungry.' She sat the tray down on the small coffee table in front of the fireplace. She pushed the armchairs into place and gestured him to come over.

He swung his legs off the bed and shuffled over and took a seat in one of the armchairs.

'Do you want me to pour you some tea?'

He nodded and rubbed his eyes seeming irritated.

'Shall I turn a light off or two?' She smirked.

'Yes please, I can't take it anymore.' He moaned.

She nodded, 'it's not even dark out yet L, it's getting there but there is no need for all these lights, why did you put so many on?' She said as she proceeded to turn off most of lights in the room leaving on a floor lamp in the corner. 'I'll ask someone to come up and light a fire soon.'

She came back and sat on the armchair opposite. 'This is a nice change, having a tea party in my room.' She smiled as she poured them both teas.

'I haven't felt this comfortable for a long time, not since the morning in the sunshine.'

She smiled as she plopped two sugars in for her, 'Your face has a lovely glow now.'

He blushed a little, 'Um I think perhaps I should put my own sugar in...I require a lot.'

She nodded and slid the cup and saucer along with the sugar bowl next to him. 'Can I ask why all the sugar L? You realise it's so unhealthy for you, white sugar is basically poison.'

'I have heard this said once or twice but haven't conducted my own research on the subject.' He said as he kept adding sugar cube after sugar cube in his tea. It made Lily's teeth ache just watching him.

'Perhaps I could offer an alternative one day, would you try it?' She asked hopeful.

'Is it sweet?'

'Yes very, you wouldn't even believe it wasn't sugar. However I won't say what it is until you try it.'

'Very well, I'll try but don't be too hopeful Lily; many have tried before with offering alternatives but to no avail.'

'I like a challenge.' She smirked.

He looked up at her finally finishing with adding sugar to his tea. He smirked a little, 'Indeed, I believe that is true.'

She blushed and picked up a sandwich, 'Do you eat sandwiches?' She asked with her mouth full.

L shrugged, 'On occasion, as long as there is something sweet inside.'

'Have you ever had peanut butter and jam sandwiches?'

He frowned a little and looked down at the plate of neatly cut up squares of sandwich. 'I have had jam and peanut butter but never together, I wouldn't think those two flavours would sit well on the tongue.'

'Ah well you don't know what you've been missing then.' She picks up a sandwich and holds it out for him. 'Here try it; I'm most certain you will like it.'

He takes it hesitantly and looks at it, studying it almost. He holds it up to his face with his finger and thumb.

'Don't delay! Try it please.' She urges him, leaning forward to see if he would or not.

He sighs a little and then slowly takes a bite closing his eyes tightly.

Lily laughs loudly, 'L please don't look like its torture, it's delicious, just savour it.'

As he continues chewing he realises that the peanut butter and jam compliment each perfectly. He looks at her, 'mm this is...this is really good!'

'See I told you.' She says with a cocky grin.

He picks up another one immediately after finishing the first, 'Why have I never come across this before? Surely you would think I would have with the amount of countries I travel too.. .' He said before biting and devouring another one, then another one...

'Ah' Lily began as she noticed he was devouring all of the sandwiches before her eyes, she had wanted at least one more, but she didn't want to stop him, he needed to eat. 'Well while we eat, I was hoping to talk about what happened, what you meant when you said the thing you have been seeing is Light.'

Light's name slowed his pace down a little, but he didn't stop eating. 'Like I said I don't know how to explain it myself.' He said with his mouth still full.

'Well who is Light?'

He swallowed his sandwich down before answering. 'His name was Light Yagami, he was Kira.'

This surprised her, 'Oh, right. I didn't realise that was his name, it was never released to the public.'

'We wanted to protect the Yagami family name; he was the monster not them, everyone knew him as Kira so that is how he will remain. I trust you won't inform anyone of Kira's real identity.'

'No of course not.' She shook her head.

He nodded and sat back on his hunches, sipping his tea feeling now very full of sandwich.

Lily took a sip of her own tea before continuing, she didn't want to put him under anymore stress but something was happening to him, something that was causing him to become terrified when left alone and it had to stop.

'Is Light the Shinigami you have been seeing all this time?'

He started to bite on his thumbnail, 'I didn't realise it was him for some time. But earlier I saw him in his true from, Light has become a Shinigami. I don't understand how this has happened but I am ninety percent certain it is him. Another thing I still don't understand is in order for a person to see a Shinigami they would have had to come in contact with the Death Note of that Shinigami.'

'But you have touched a Death Note before haven't you?'

'Yes but they had belonged to the Shinigami's that had given their Death Notes to Kira and the second Kira Misa Armani. But Light obviously wasn't a Shinigami when he died, however if he now is in fact a Shinigami he should have a Death Note, but I have neither seen nor touched it. So how can I see him? Am I just going insane!' He grips his hair in fraustration.

Lily's mouth dropped, she didn't know what to say and found it hard to believe everything L was saying, but she could see no lie in his eyes and how this was all chipping away at him. 'L if this is all true and Light has become what you say he has; then perhaps you should try speaking with him?'

He looks up at her shocked, 'Lily you don't know what you're asking, Light Yagami was a monster when he was just a human, he killed numerous amounts of people with no feelings of remorse. He believed himself to be a god and now with the power that he has...,if he has; I dread to think what he will do with it. I don't understand why he hasn't written my name in his book yet, that's how the Shinigami extend their life but I am still here. So the question is what is he waiting for?'

'Perhaps he doesn't have a book, maybe he hasn't been given one yet?' Lily said trying to help and reassure him as much as she could. This Shinigami if it were Light Yagami was more terrifying than SHS by a long shot. He could kill L with just a pen and a book; he could take him away forever. Why was the man she loved in so much danger?

'Perhaps...but he still shouldn't be visible to me; it doesn't make sense.'

They sit in silence for a moment; Lily feels utterly useless and a little insane herself. How could any of this be true? 'L?'

'Yes Lily?'

'What is your real name?' I believe L stands for something, but I want to know.'

'You realise only Watari knows of my true identity?'

'Yes I know, but since we have become so close, I was hoping you would trust me with it?'

'I trust you Lily, but I'm afraid I cannot give out my name; to anyone no matter how much they mean to me, I'm sorry.'

Lily looked down for a moment and nodded sadly, 'I see...I understand.'

The atmosphere changed suddenly, L could feel Lily's energy shift and now she seemed so far away in her thoughts.

L started to feel anxious; he didn't want anything coming in-between them so he did what he has never done before. 'It's Lawleit...' He suddenly blurted out.

Lily's head shot up, her eyes wide and surprised.

He slowly puts his feet down on the ground, 'I trust you.' He stands up and looks at her, 'goodnight then Lily.'

'Wait...why are you leaving?' She asked getting quickly to her feet.

He looks around. 'It's late; you probably want to sleep.'

'We aren't finished yet...' She walks slowly to him, 'I wanted to say thank you for trusting me with your name, and it's a lovely name by the way, suits you well.' She smiles.

He smirks a little and looks down, 'thank you...' He looks up again with heated eyes. 'Lily, I know this may sound inappropriate but I...I need...' He starts stumbling on his words.

Lily takes his hand, 'L it's alright, you can ask me.'

He sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair, then slowly looks at her with his intense stare. 'Can I stay here tonight? With you? I don't want to be alone; I'll even try to sleep.'

Lily couldn't help feeling a little emotional as she could see how tired and scared he was, she swallowed back her tears and smiled, 'Of course, I am always here for and I would love to sleep with you.' She should have thought about the last part of her sentence as it caused them both to blush furiously.

He chuckled a little, 'thank you Lily.'

She giggled, 'you're very welcome Lawliet.'

He breathed in a little, 'it's a surreal sound hearing my name coming from your lips, but it feels so comfortable; I like it hearing it.' He smiled a little showing his perfect white teeth.

It took her breath away when he smiled like that, 'thank you, I like saying it.'

He tucked her hair behind her ear, and stroked his fingers down her face. 'Why is it that I become so shy when I want to kiss you? We have kissed now a few times, but every time I think if doing it my stomach aches.' He moaned a little.

She couldn't help laugh at how adorable he sounded, 'I don't know, perhaps it's because it's still new to us, kissing is a very intimate act and the fact that we are attracted to each other doesn't help the nerves, in fact it will only make them worse.'

'Why do you find me attractive Lily? I honestly don't see it, nor have I really cared of how I look to the outside world or to myself for that matter. I have had women confess their attraction to me...' He suddenly thought of Suri's confession but decided he would keep that to himself for the time being. 'But I really don't see it or understand why in fact.'

Lily blushed again, 'Lawleit, I think you are gorgeous. I found you to be incredibly handsome the moment I laid my eyes on you. And then the way you are, your mind and even your voice, it's like it was made to lure in women.' She giggles.

'I don't know how to answer that, nor do I believe any of it, but I can say I am the luckiest man on earth to have you think of me like that.'

'Well the feeling is mutual detective,' She squeezes his hand.

He looks down and smiles biting his lip, he shuffles from foot to foot. He looks up again but this time he doesn't hesitate, he leans down and puts holds her face gently between his hands titling her head towards his. He kisses her gently. She grips onto his arms as he deepens the kiss. Heat rising within her. His kiss was like fire on her lips. He was kissing her with a purpose, giving everything he was to her and totally surrendering to his feelings. It was L without any walls or restrictions and she could feel this with this kiss.

He broke the kiss slowly and looked deep into her eyes. 'I don't know if I can stop kissing you if I carry on.' She could barely hear him; his voice was so deep and gravelly. But she knew what it was he was insinuating.

He was asking her permission to continue not knowing where it might lead, the energy between them was overwhelming and the sexual tension was more prominent than it ever has been before. They couldn't keep kissing like this without something happening between them soon. They both needed to know whether they should continue now or to wait.

Lily did feel tired, exhausted even and she wanted to feel awake and alive if they were ever going to move on in their relationship.

'I...want to continue.' Lily whispered.

His eyes widened, he breathed in and held it for a little. He stood there still as a statue.

'But because you have opened up and revealed so much today you must be mentally exhausted and I feel that if we were to go..further then it might not be the best time considering we are both tired and are in real need of rest. As much as it pains me to say so, perhaps we should try and just sleep tonight.'

He lets out the breath he was holding, 'I understand Lily, I do not feel myself, I am tired.' He suddenly yawns causing Lily to yawn. 'She slaps him lightly on the arm, 'No they are contagious you know!'

'My apologies, it's a rare occurrence for me, I very rarely yawn, in fact I rarely feel tired. But today has beaten me down.'

'Then come on then, let's get to bed.' She said taking his hand in hers and leading him to the bed.

They both stood at the side of the bed feeling now very shy and awkward. She cleared her throat, 'I'll go and change in the bathroom, gives you a chance to snuggle in and get comfortable.' She smiles and quickly grabs her nightgown from the chair in the corner of the room and shuts herself in the bathroom.

She locks the door behind her and leans back onto it. Wow, he is getting more and more difficult to resist she thinks as she strips down and then dresses in her night gown. It suddenly dawned on her that she was going to share her bed with L, for the entire night. She was excited and terrified simultaneously.

The sexual tension between them was so evident and she could hardly bear it. She wanted him to take her and throw her on the bed, to consume her, to give himself to her. She fanned herself feeling very warm at the mere thought of it.

The night had started off low and witnessing him going through such fear broke her and a part of her wanted to make love with him just to help give him comfort in a way he had never felt before. She wanted to show her love by giving herself to him. But she was so incredibly tired. Besides she was living here for the time being so other opportunities would come up eventually, they had too with the way they were going.

He might not even be ready for that part of a relationship yet, they had only kissed after all. But what glorious kisses they were. He was also in a fragile state which Lily did not want to take advantage of not would she ever consider it.

She put her ear against the bathroom door to listen for any movement or shuffling of clothes. There was no noise at all; he must be in bed then already.

As she opened the door and walked slowly back into the room she found him sitting up in the bed, beneath the duvet with his chest bare. He looked utterly delicious and she couldn't help smiling to herself.

L couldn't take his eyes off of her. Her black, silken nightgown enhanced her curvaceous body; it was also short, shorter than the other nightgown she had that went down to the knees; but this one however came up above her knees showing some beautiful and shapely thighs. He felt his mouth go dry and his heart started beating so loudly he could hear it in his ears.

He couldn't say anything just continued to watch her move to one end of the room turning off a lamp and then smoothly she walked back towards the bed.

'Would you like me to keep on a lamp for you? I don't mind sleeping with a light on.'

He swallowed a little, 'No, it's fine, I have you to protect me' he smirked tilting his head down a little.

The sound that came from her was meant to be a giggle but it came out as a little moan causing his eyelids to drop a little, he was giving her the look and he probably wasn't even aware of it.

Feeling a little mortified and overwhelmed, she quickly slid herself under the duvet and laid down on her back staring at the ceiling.

He shuffled and laid himself down completely on his back also.

She knew at this moment it was going to be near enough impossible to get any sleep, the sexual tension was too much, she wanted to touch him, to feel his skin and why did he have to look do utterly breathtaking?

'Well, I suppose we should say goodnight now right?' He asked a little amused.

She cleared her throat and turned to face him, big mistake. He was already looking at her, his hands on top of one another resting on his stomach, his hair sprawled out on top of his pillow; the duvet was only up to his hips, meaning his entire torso was visible. It was his expression though that made her want to jump on him; he looked totally at peace, contented and happy. His smile was an easy smile with maybe even a hint of mischievousness behind it. She thought that he was rather enjoying watching her squirm with embarrassment a little.

She smiled back, trying to keep her voice light without any hint of arousal. 'Goodnight Lawleit, I hope you sleep well.'

'You too Lily, thank you for sharing your bed with me.'

'Anytime.' And she meant it.

He smiled again, flashing his teeth and then turned to face the ceiling and closed his eyes.

This was torture, why had she even agreed to this? L looked like a bloody sexy angel with glorious hair for goodness sake and now she had to try and sleep, without touching him? She doubted very much she would succeed at all.

So she turned around the other way, she couldn't look at him anymore, it was too much and her willpower was already on the very edge of failure. It was going to be a long night.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Hello my lovelies!**_

 _ **I must apologise for the delay in posting this new chapter, a lot has been going on my end which has kept me from writing!**_

 _ **Well here it is, I really hope you like it, it was a lot of fun to write as always.**_

 _ **Thank you for your patience and please feel free to leave me reviews of what you think! :)**_

 _ **Much love. X**_

* * *

He was here again, in the dark, alone, in the abyss. He despised being here. He could never find his way out. However this time he had a light shining on him, as if it were a spotlight of some sort that was tinted blue. Still he couldn't see anything around him, just the blackness.

It was a strange and frustrating state to be in. He wasn't lucid dreaming but was well aware it was a dream which he couldn't control.

This time however as he walked through the dark he could feel something lurking behind him.

He tried to ignore it and kept walking, quickening his pace. But no matter how fast he walked he couldn't tell if he was moving, it was just a vast abyss of darkness outside of his blue bubble of light.

He stopped and turned around ready to face whatever it was, after all it was a dream and he could wake himself up...he had done it before.

He waited, shaking and breathing heavily. 'Show yourself!' he yelled out.

It wasn't long before the sounds of heavy footsteps and chains rattling echoed around him from the depths of blackness.

He tensed himself ready to fight or flight. He felt utterly terrified. Here is this place he couldn't control his fear; it was always the first emotion he felt. It seemed the logical part of his brain had shut down and was unable to power back up. Logic meant safety, comfort, clearer perspectives and bravery. But he was without it here, which only left him with fear.

The sounds of shuffling feet and chains clanking become louder; he knew it was close now.

'L'... came a harsh and unearthly voice.

He shifted his body ready to run, but he forced himself to stay, he wanted to face it. He had to face it.

He gasped as a bloodied Light came into view. Dragging chains along with him that were handcuffed to his wrists. His walk was unnatural, jerky movements with a hunched back; the sight chilled L to the bone. He stopped in front of him, breathing heavily, dripping with blood.

He looks up slowly revealing his face. L steps back shocked at the creature before him.

Light's face was monstrous; his skin seemed to be peeling off at the cheeks and forehead, his teeth broken and his mouth bloody. He was grinning at L, the same grin when L had finally entrapped him and revealed to everyone that he was Kira. He remembered Light leaping for him before Matsuda shot him and took him down.

'L...you'll never be rid of me...' He said smiling a ghoulish grin, blood dripping slowly from his mouth.

L couldn't help it but his fear had taken over and he wanted to run, wanted to get away. He shouldn't be here.

L turned and ran as fast as he could away from Light, away from the monster L had always known he was. But suddenly his arm is yanked behind me causing him to fall and crash on his back.

Light's laugh from the darkness was blood chilling. 'You'll never escape me, we are tied forever.'

L opens his eyes and tries to pull his arm in front of him, when it doesn't budge he looks up at it over his head and notices a chain shackled to his own wrist.

He panics and gets up on his knees. He follows the chain with his eyes. 'No' He whispers as he discovers the other end of his chain is shackled to Light's wrist, just as they had been before when he was alive.

Light laughs again, 'It was your great idea detective, you only have yourself to blame.' He pulls at the chain with such force it jerks L forward causing him to fall to his knees. He gets up quickly and plants his feet to the ground.

Light keeps pulling on the chain, slowly pulling L towards him, always with that grin, that grotesque grin. 'There is no escape'

'No!' L yells as he could feel his legs weakening from resisting each pull of the chain.

With an aggressive growl Light pulls on the chain harder thrusting L forward onto all fours.

Black wings suddenly sprout from Light's back. They were huge and towered over them both.

'You can never escape me.' He growls as he reaches out for him with a grisly claw like hand.

L screams and closes his eyes.

* * *

His screams continue as he sits up in bed awakening from the nightmare. It was still dark in the room and he could still see the shadow of Light in front of him.

'L! It's okay.' Lily frantically tries calming him still half asleep herself. She tries embracing him but he flinches away, still in nightmare mode. She doesn't give up and quickly grabs his face and turns it to her so he looks at her. 'L, it's me, its okay, it was only a dream.' She says calmly but sternly.

He takes a moment to come back into reality and then he stills. His eyes slowly look back in the direction where Light had been standing, he was gone.

Still holding his face in her hands, 'You're okay, your safe.'

He doesn't say or do anything, he just stares at her. She slowly takes her hands away from his face.

'I'm sorry.' He says looking down.

'Don't be sorry, come here.' She embraces him and then lies back down taking him with her so his head was resting on her chest; she strokes his hair softly.

'I'm here, it's alright Lawleit.'

He wraps his arms around her tightly, he had never been held like this, in a bed with a warm body under him. But he knew he had been missing it all his life.

'Do you think you could fall back asleep?' She asked her words slurring a little as she herself was soon to be asleep.

He was exhausted still, the nightmare had drained him of energy he so desperately needed. But he didn't want to go back into that place he didn't want to sleep. 'I doubt it, I'll just rest.'

'Mmm okay, I love you.' She says before succumbing to sleep completely.

L looked up at her and after a few moments kissed her cheek. The overwhelming instinct to protect her overcame him. He was going to fight this; he was going to be strong for the both of them. Her life was in danger because she loved him. He would not allow anything to destroy what they had in this world or the other. 'I love you' he whispers quietly.

* * *

Morning had finally come. L had fallen back to sleep, he was still asleep in fact as he lay on her chest, breathing deeply and peacefully.

She cracked her eyes open and looked out towards the curtains. The sun was shining so brightly that not even the very luxurious curtains could keep it out.

She was awake now, it only ever took her a few moments to fully wake up, but she couldn't move.

L was still very much asleep, still clinging onto her, but at least he had settled. She didn't think after his nightmare last night that he would be able to fall back to sleep.

She stroked his hair gently recalling how terrified he had been. His scream alone had been loud enough to wake the entire household. She was surprised no one had come knocking.

She had never heard a scream of pure terror before and the fact that it had come from L worried her more. He had always been one to keep everything in; he had told her that himself.

However now because of these Light visuals; this entity haunting him and his mind, he obviously was finding it difficult to keep anything in anymore. His fear is too prominent and he is living in a hellish reality.

No matter what Lily thought about the Shinigami being a real entity or just a figment of L's psyche, he was real to L and making his life a misery. She had to help him but felt she was out of her league; dealing with the supernatural was not something she had ever trained for. She only had her own personal experiences to assist her.

This however would never deter her from helping L get through this. Not only was she brought here in the first place with her mother to treat L she was now in love with him and she would never walk away, not as long as he wanted her here for.

She froze as he started to stir, she hoped she hadn't been talking to herself...it has be known to happen.

She rubbed his back, the feeling of his bare skin causing her to blush a little. 'Hey...good morning, how are you feeling?' She asked quietly.

He jumped up quickly, seeming a little dazed. 'I'm sorry, how long have I been asleep on you for?' He rubs his eyes.

'I'm not sure, since you had the nightmare this morning I suppose. You seemed to sleep a little better afterwards.'

'I did...' He looked at her feeling bashful all of a sudden; he wanted to cover himself up. 'Should I...should I go to my own room now? I'll let you wake up properly, get dressed and stuff.' He said scratching his head awkwardly.

She smirked a little, she knew he was feeling shy, he made it plainly obvious. 'Is that what you want?'

He smirked before looking at her again, 'of course not...'

He leant in and kissed her gently. She moaned a little, she loved how hot his mouth was, how warm his arms were.

He went to break the kiss but she held him in place, never wanting it to end.

He gasped into their kiss as she placed her hands on his shoulders and slowly laid down guiding him to lie on top of her.

His heart was racing, he didn't know what to do, where to put his hands, how long to kiss for...'Lily I, I don't know what I'm doing...' He breathed heavily.

'You're doing just fine, just do what feels natural.'

'But I'm not natural,' he says feeling frustrated with himself.

She strokes his hair from his face and looks at him seriously, 'You are L Lawleit and that is what I want, no more no less, just you the way you are.'

He nods quickly feeling overwhelmed by her statement.

'But I'm not going to make you do anything that you're not ready for or feel uncomfortable with.'

'Now you're speaking nonsense.' He smirked and kissed her again.

She wraps her arms under his and clings on to his shoulders, he lays in-between her thighs. She bites her lip realising he was wearing nothing but his underwear. They both gasp as their lower bodies make contact with each other.

'Your legs, they are so warm.' He whispers between kisses.

She smiles against his lips and starts to stroke his back, tickling him a little with her nails.

He flinches and gasps, 'ohh, that's quite the intense touch you have there.' He laughs breathlessly.

She giggles loving the look on his face.

He slides his arms beneath her to enwrap her body to his. They continue kissing until they were both out of breath.

He rests his forehead on hers, 'Lily?' He asks again breathless.

'Yes?'

'Can we just promise never to leave this room or this bed for that matter?'

She laughs, 'That would be nice but I think you will get very hungry soon enough, you're sugar cravings remember?'

'Who needs sugar when I have you?'

She snorts, not wanting to laugh in case he was serious.

He looks at her and cocks an eyebrow, 'Did you like that one?'

She lets go of her laughter and embraces him. 'Actually yes I think staying in bed forever seems like an amazing idea.'

They kiss now more passionately, he starts to become braver as he slides his hands slowly down her thighs and up again.

'You're so soft; I never knew a human could be so soft.' He said with wonder.

'It's only because I shaved yesterday, it won't be as soft tomorrow.' She giggles.

'I don't care; all I want to do is touch you.' He says with intensity.

'I want you to and god knows all I can think about it touching you as well.' She admits bashfully.

She glides her hands up and down his back again causing him to breath out a shaky breath. 'You're only stroking me but it's so sensitive, I can't control my body's reactions.'

She liked that she could do this to him with just strokes, imagine what he would feel if she allowed herself to get carried away.

He starts touching and stroking a little more of her body, she could feel his hands trembling. He goes to stroke her stomach under her nightgown and she suddenly laughs loudly.

'Oh careful there, I'm a little ticklish and your light touches are setting me off.'

He smiles but doesn't remove his hands, 'so you're ticklish?' He cocks an eyebrow again.

'No, L, don't!' She tenses and tries to turn away, but it was too late, he started wiggling his fingers to tickle her.

'Ah!' She laughs and yells in unison. 'No L! Please!' She laughs as she wiggles and squirms under him trying to get away.

He laughs; he really laughs and carries on tickling relentlessly, 'You shouldn't have allowed your weakness to be unconverted.' He tells her playfully.

'I couldn't help it!' She yells while laughing loudly.

She rolls over to her side and takes him and the covers with her as she falls off the bed; they both land with a thud in a tangles mess of bodies and duvet.

'Ow' They both say and start laughing again.

'You see what happens when you don't stop tickling me?' She says trying to free herself from the duvet.'

'Well it was a bit of an overreaction to dive off the bed taking me with you.' He snorts.

'I didn't mean too and I couldn't breath, I'm so going to get you back for this!' She buries her hand under the duvet to find one of his feet. She tickles it quickly; he yells and snatches it away from her.

His eyes wide with shock, 'I didn't even know I was ticklish there...'

'Ha well now I have something on you.' She teases.

He pouts a little, 'so it would seem.'

They both try and free themselves from the duvet.

'I am really stuck here...' She moans trying to untangle herself. 'I don't even know how this became so tightly wrapped around us...'

'It's was your death roll off the bed that did it.' He smirked.

She freed one arm with great effort, she laughed out of breath, 'okay that's one...'

'I think I spoiled the moment...' He said freeing a leg. 'I just couldn't help myself; I loved the noises you make when you're tickled.'

'They are noises of suffering!' She said dramatically. 'And don't worry, I'm sure another moment will arise like that again' she winked at him.

'Maybe sooner than you think.' He said staring at her intently with a ridiculous sexy smirk.

They looked at each other again with heated eyes. He managed to free himself to give him enough movement to stretch to her and kiss her. She sat up with only her one free arm and a mountain of duvet between them but she met his kiss and did her upmost to hold herself in place.

His hand went to the back of her head and supported it, pulling her closer to him. He was really getting the hang of this kissing now; he was making her moan every time. He admitted he felt a little proud of himself.

Just as they were getting into their rhythm the bedroom door knocked.

L jumped and released Lily's head making her spring back onto the floor. She laughed as he looked at her horrified.

'Lily! I'm sorry.' He fought with the duvet and finally freed himself to pull her up again.

'It's okay.' She giggled.

The knock came again. 'Who is it?' She asked lightly letting L rub the back of her head.

'It's housekeeping, and I've been asked to tell you that breakfast is served and that everyone is waiting for the both of you to join them.'

They both look at each other in horror. 'Everyone is waiting for us?' She whispers to him.

'Since when? He whispers back feeling a little annoyed. He was never expected to join anyone for breakfast, so why now of all the timing?

'Okay tell them we will be down straight away.' Lily yells lightly to housekeeper.

L stands up in his boxers, Lily smiles like a silly teenager and blushes. He holds out a hand for her and pulls her up from the ground when she gives it to him.

She quickly pulls her nightgown down and tries to tidy her messy hair. 'Wait, does that mean they know you're in here, with me?'

L looks at her, his eyes openly widely, 'I really hope not, I'll never be able to look at them again with their knowing smirks and glares.'

She giggles and hugs him, loving the feeling of his skin. 'I imagine they all know now that we are...well together. So I'm sure it's not a surprise. I just don't know how I will face Watari, everyone else I don't really care what they think.'

He thinks of Suri again and how upset and aggressive she became when he confirmed his feelings for Lily. He hugged Lily tightly to him, again the need to protect her started to rise within him.

'We better get ready then...face the music together.'

'Yes...I suppose you're right.' He said looking at the door not knowing what they were in for.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you again to my lovely readers! I enjoy a bit of drama as you will find in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Love and Light. X**

* * *

'It's about time you two showed up...what have you been up too hmm?' Mello said loudly as both L and Lily walked into the dining room.

'It's none of your business.' Gritted L.

'Mello please will you desist for a moment, you realise how serious this situation is.' Watari said frustrated while rubbing the bridge of his nose.

'What situation?' L demanded making note of not looking in Suri's direction, he could feel her cold stare.

'Please both of you sit and we will discuss it.' Watari said putting his glasses on again.

Lily nodded and quickly sat down in the chair next to Near who was busy fiddling with some domino on the table.

L sat opposite as it was the only chair left at the huge table. Almost everyone was present.

Eve shyly gave a chocolate muffin to L who took it quickly but smiled a little at her; she blushed and started to fiddle with her hair.

Lily looked up at Suri and wished she hadn't the look she gave her was deadly and all bravery Lily had felt before started to vanish in a moment.

'Aren't you going to eat the pancakes Lily? I helped make them myself.' Near suddenly spoke up to her but again didn't make eye contact.

'Oh did you? Well I've got to try them then.' Lily said pleasantly.

'Don't patronise me, I am not a child, at least my brain isn't like one, I am just proud of the pancakes.' He said with a very similar monotone that L uses to speak with...at least he used to with her, not so much anymore.

'Well at least I know who poisoned me if I die.' She said smirking.

He looked up slowly at her then, 'I would never do such a thing, of course the same can't be said for some others in the household; I can safely tell you that some few do not accept you and L's relationship.'

Lily swallowed a piece of her pancake and looked to L who was busy munching away on his muffin completely focused on Watari while he broke up a fight between two children. She didn't want to look back at Suri or Mello for that matter, so she kept her head down and carried on eating.

'Right now everyone is here I wish to speak with you all about the current situation regarding SHS.'

Everyone hushed and focused now on Watari; even his name caused Lily's blood to run cold.

'He has been seen, last night we received an email attached with an image of SHS booking himself into a bed and breakfast in Hackney.'

Lily looked to L and saw his eyes were on hers, what was he thinking? He suddenly spoke as he looked away from her to Watari, 'And is he still there?'

'Yes as far as we know, I managed to hack into the B&B's computer systems which showed his alias name Sanguis.'

'That's Latin for blood.' Lily blurted out. Everyone looked round to her and she blushed furiously, of course everyone in this room knew that, how stupid she was sometimes.

'Indeed Miss Everly it's his usual alias, he does it to make himself known to us, he is fully aware how quickly we can track him down using this name.'

'He enjoys the cat and mouse chase?' She asks.

'Yes, he seems to get a thrill out of it.' L answers her.

Lily remembered L using the same terminology, the cat and mouse chase. She looked at him and thought what a dangerous and elusive criminal he could be if he was ever to go that way, thank god he was on the right side.

'So I have decided to play his little game and chase him down, but of course we will do it L's way and stay hidden until the right moment to pounce.'

Lily looks over to L who returned her look with a guilty one, wait was he leaving?

'L and Suri please be prepared to leave for London for around nine tonight.'

Lily's heart dropped and then even more so when she noticed the smirk on Suri's face. Not only was L leaving but he was leaving with her.

L simply nodded then started to chew on his thumbnail, he didn't look up at her.

'Roger is flying back from Switzerland this afternoon to keep the peace and monitoring from the house; Near and Mello I except you two to work together and assist Roger with whatever he needs.'

Near didn't say anything, Mello just sighed. Unusual for him not to throw a tantrum was probably the thought of everyone in the room.

'And Doctor Everly, I wish to speak with you privately if you please?' Watari said to her with a warm smile that unfortunately didn't help Lily's mood lift in light of the new arrangements.

She nodded, 'yes of course.'

'Thank you for your attention everyone, now please enjoy the rest of your breakfast.' He stands up, Lily looks to L, his face was like stone, no emotion in it whatsoever. His seemed to be far away in his thoughts.

'Doctor, would you like to follow me please?' Watari asks while walking towards the huge archway leading to one of the main drawing rooms.

She stands up and walks around the table, she keeps her eyes on L but he doesn't look up. She sighs and walks out of the dining hall following Watari.

* * *

She walks beside Watari in silence until they reach his huge office at the end of the corridor. 'Please take a seat.' He says while gesturing to a chair in front of a huge oak table. Everything in the office was wooden and varnished so it all looked like chocolate, it was luxurious and smelt amazing. It was filled with the sun shining in from two huge windows overlooking the grounds.

She sat down feeling nervous as if she had just been called into the head masters office in school which had happened a few times in the past so she knew the feeling.

She smiled weakly up at him as he walked around and sat opposite her in his armchair at his desk.

'I imagine you have questions.' He begins again with that smile.

'Yes, well I was thinking that with everything going on and with you and L leaving Wammy's I should perhaps go back home, I don't want to be in the way and I feel I stay here I wouldn't fit in, no one really knows me here so I don't imagine anyone asking me for a session or two.'

'Ah well that's where you are wrong my dear.'

She raises her eyebrows a little with curiosity.

'Kenzo has already asked me if he could book a few sessions with you.'

The thought of the beautiful young Kenzo made her stomach knot a little, he was very intimidating but she tried desperately not to show it. 'Oh I see, well of course I will be happy to book him in.'

'Eve has requested some sessions with you also, she is very shy but very much wants to speak with you.'

'Then I suppose I have a motive to stay then.' She says smiling.

'Yes so it would seem and I am very pleased you have said so.'

She nodded, then started fiddling with her fingers feeling now a little awkward, she knew Watari and herself had some things to talk over.

'I imagine Watari you have come to the conclusion that I made the decision to stay here, because of my feelings for L.'

'Yes which I can say very much warms my heart.'

She looks at him and smiles.

'I have never seen him so happy and dare I say it...distracted.'

'Distracted?'

'Yes, you see Miss Everly L is a superb detective, the best in the world in my humble opinion, there is no one quite like him and no one who can work like him and deduct the way he does.'

'Oh I have no doubt.'

'That is one of the main reasons you must stay here, you are a distraction to him and although I am so very contented that you are a _good_ distraction, which has allowed L the freedom to live life as normally as he can and should for a young man, he needs to become _L_ again and that means no distractions of any kind. He can track and catch SHS in probably a day or two but only if you're not there. Also it is too dangerous for you to be put in such a situation. SHS already knows of you and therefore you are target. L is very much aware of this and so he will do nothing but worry and fear clouds his judgement. I have seen L afraid, only once, but I have never seen the look of horror when he saw the pictures of you that SHS had taken. That's how I know Miss Everly, that's how I know you being in London with him will endanger not only yourself but L as well.'

Her heart started to beat faster, just the very thought of L in danger was enough to bring her out in cold sweats. She answers quickly. 'Of course Watari, I completely understand I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to him...that's why I am suggesting returning home to give him more space to focus.'

'I believe that would cause even more disruption, you must understand dear girl L can't and doesn't want to be away from at all, I can see it as so everyone else does. I am sure you know how much he cares for you.'

Lily blushed and fiddles with her fingers again, but she couldn't help smiling. 'Yes, he has made it quite clear to me.'

'Do you love him?'

'Yes very much so.' She admitted looking at him shyly.

'Then you must remain here, it is going to be hard enough getting L away from you but it's only in London and not far from Winchester at all. However if you go back home I fear he will either follow you or get himself killed no matter how professional he is, I have never seen him like this before therefore I cannot predict his decisions, nor could I before but this time the situation is very different.'

'I am sure he would put catching SHS in front of our relationship, there are lives on the line and L wants to protect everyone.'

'He does yes, however he wasn't even at the computer last night when the email informing us of SHS whereabouts were confirmed, usually he would be the first to know, the first to reply and the first to London.'

Lily didn't know how to answer. Watari was obviously implying that she was the reason for his absence last night, but how could she tell him it was because L had yet another episode with this Shinigami?...did Watari even know about the Shinigami? Had L already told him what he had been seeing? She couldn't risk telling Watari personal things about L if he didn't know; L may never forgive her. So she stays quiet allowing Watari to think it was her who was the distraction if that was he was getting at. She had to keep L's secret safe for as long as he wished it.

'You are right, I should stay here and treat whoever wants to be treated. L will go to London and do what L does best and I will wait for him here, he doesn't need to worry, I am not going anywhere.' She said holding her head up high.

Watari seeming pleased with her declaration stands up and straightens out his suit; he always looked so smart Lily thought to herself.

'I will inform Kenzo and Eve that you have agreed to hold sessions with them, in the meanwhile I suggest you spend some personal time with L. I imagine he is lost in his thoughts and probably doesn't know what to do with himself.'

'Yes of course.' She says quickly standing up herself. 'How long will you be gone for?'

'As long as it takes my dear.' He answers curtly.

She nods and walks over to the door and opens it.

'Please make sure he leaves for London tonight with us Lily, we cannot stop SHS without L.' He pleads subtly.

She turns around to face him and smiles bravely, 'Of course, I will make sure of it.'

* * *

Lily walks back into the dining room hesitantly. She notices L and Suri were gone, typical she thought.

'Hey Near, do you know where L went?' She asked bending down to the boy.

'Suri took him out into the garden, well she dragged him more like.' He said without looking at her.

'Okay thank you.' She strokes his hair forgetting the boy didn't like to be touched. He stiffens under her hand.

She walks away not looking back at the loud and now messy dining table therefore missed when Near subtly stroked his hair where her hand had been and watched her leave with curiosity.

* * *

It didn't take Lily long to notice two figures standing on the green lawn facing each other.

She continued to watch from afar first before making her presence known, she tried to breathe and battle through all the emotions she was feeling at that moment. All she wanted to do was to speak with L about how he felt about all of this and too of course embrace him.

She jumped a little when she saw Suri lung for L making him duck and kick out at her pushing her back.

She saw Suri nodding and goading him, while L stayed crouched on the floor looking up at her with expressionless stare.

What were they up too? Were they fighting? Why? She thought as she slowly stepped into the doorway and continued watching them.

'Come on L, you're not even trying, attack me!' Suri shouted at him.

L looks down on the ground and then stands wiping his hands from the grass on his jeans. 'I've told you already I'm not in the mood nor do I require practice in combat.'

'You haven't been physical in a long time L, I can see it, you're attack was weak, it didn't even wind me.'

'That was not my intention; if I wanted it you would already be on the ground...winded.' He said looking up towards the sky.

'So cock sure are we?' She laughs deep in her throat, 'fine then show me.' She yells and attacks him again this time landing a punch on his face making him spin and fall to the ground.

'You see even your reflexes are slow, you need to train again, if you face SHS he will beat the hell out of you.'

Lily gasped and started to walk forward. She was furious, how dare that woman lay a hand on him, she would rip her apart.

She stopped in her tracks when suddenly L jumped to his feet as nimble as a cat and wiped blood from his mouth. He looked angry now.

'Training or not I did not attack you nor did I give you permission to attack me, but if it's combat you're after Suri then let it be so.'

He spun and kicked out again, she quickly blocked the heavy blow but it knocked her to her knees allowing L to kick out his other leg and strike her in the stomach making her fall backwards.

Lily smiled with satisfaction. 'Good one L.' she said to herself.

She jumped suddenly when an arm was put around her shoulders. 'Ah they are at it again are they?'

She looked to her side to see Kenzo smiling while resting his arm over her as if they were friends.

'Um excuse me...you're arm...' She started trying to lift up his ridiculously heavy arm off o her shoulders. It wouldn't budge, the man was huge.

'Hey we are family now aren't we? He said squeezing her a little.

'Um I don't know but your arm is very heavy, would you mind?' She asked now struggling with the weight.

'I'm sorry, I forget formalities sometimes...' He said while taking his arm off of her and then flicking his long man of auburn hair behind his shoulders.

He smiled at her, it was a smile of pure warmth but his eyes seemed to have a different motive within them.

She smiled awkwardly and carried on watching the fight outside. She noticed Suri wiping blood for her nose now, Lily felt disappointed having missed the blow L obviously had just given her to cause her nose to bleed.

'They don't hold back do they?' She asked Kenzo wishing the fight would stop.

'It's been a while but every now and then Suri will pounce on L and try to catch him off guard; helps with training apparently. But I think it's an excuse to touch him, even if it's a punch in the face.' He chuckles and puts a tooth pick in his mouth and starts to play around with it between his teeth using his tongue.

She couldn't believe how stunning this young man was, it looked as if he had come out of one of those romantic novels she used to read when she was younger, he was perfection.

She whipped her head around when she heard a grunt from L. The bitch has just dropped kicked him to the ground.

'Ow that's gotta hurt,' Kenzo said beside her.

'Who usually wins?' She asked biting her nails; she was so scared for L but believed he could still whip her ass.

Kenzo shrugs, 'it varies, sometimes he wins and sometimes she does, but she is always the one who makes him bleed the most, she really doesn't hold back, always angry that one. I don't understand how or why she is our teacher as she has no control of her own emotions and usually that's a big no no.'

Lily smiled when she sees L perform and impressive kick using both of his legs and slams Suri in the chest as she lunged for him. She flies back and lands with a roll on the ground.

'Hmm I would say that is check and mate' Kenzo chuckled. 'Seems like he wanted to use his special move early on to finish her off quickly.'

'What did you mean when you said she fights him just so she can touch him? Lily suddenly blurts out trying to hide her jealously.

Kenzo stops chewing on the toothpick and looks at her now, she doesn't want to look into those piercing green eyes, he was so very intimidating, his energy overwhelmed her and she didn't understand why.

'Because she is obsessed with him. She has been for years; she is the lioness hunting for her mate of who she believes to be L.'

Lily looks at him, 'does he know this?' She whispers.

'Not to my knowledge and from what I gather he doesn't feel the same way about her, or ever has with anyone, except for you... '

He suddenly plays with a strand of her hair making Lily freeze, 'What is so special about you then?' He asks far too intimately.

She hears a yell out and looks back to L; he was hunched over hugging his stomach in agony. Suri stood over him out of breath but smiling with satisfaction.

Lily sees fire and runs forward.

'Lily don't!' Kenzo calls out after her.

Lily doesn't think as she slams into Suri and tackles her to the ground Suri didn't even see it coming; Lily manages to smack her across the face before someone lifts her up off of her.

'Bitch I'll kill you! how dare you!' Suri snarls at her.

'That's enough Suri; I think you have made quite the show already.' Kenzo says as he keeps a grip on Lily who was still trying to get herself free with no avail.

Lily looked down to L who now looks up at her, bloodied and obviously still in a lot of pain. Lily reaches out to him, 'Let me go.' When Kenzo doesn't comply, she yells out 'Let me go!'

He does and she dives straight for L putting her arms around him protectively. His breathing was laboured; he was in a bad way.

She turns her head to look up at Suri, 'you're a damned brute you know that? You're unhinged!'

'Oh you have no idea little girl, and if you ever lay your hands on me again I'll kill you.'

Suri limps off pushing past Kenzo as she does. By now there was a whole audience watching from the door and windows.

Kenzo looks at Lily apologetically before walking off back to the house.

She looks down at L who was looking even paler than usual, 'L can you get up? We need to get you to a bed, you need to lie down.'

'Why...?' He mumbles.

'Why because you're in a bad way, we need to examine you.'

She tries to lift him up but he groans and shakes his head. 'No why...why was he touching you?' He asks, his voice laced with pain and anger. He was angry?

Lily doesn't understand what he means for a moment then her heart drops suddenly, had he seen Kenzo touching her? Fiddling with her hair? Was that why Suri had gotten this hit in?

'That doesn't matter now, what matters is getting you inside, you look so pale.'

'It does matter!' He suddenly yells out. He stares up at her with such pain in his eyes then they start to roll back as he passes out in her arms.


	20. Chapter 20

_**I will keep saying it everytime, thank you to my lovely readers! I really hope you're enjoying the story as much as I am writing it! I would really love to hear what you all think about it and yeah reviews or messages always welcome!**_

 _ **A little bit of a heated chapter this one...;)**_

 _ **Best Wishes! X**_

L awoke in his own room; his blue walls instantly lowered his mood. He hated this room since he had come back to Wammy's; it was where all the night terrors had began and kept happening.

He groans as he attempts to sit up but is gently pushed back by a delicate hand.

'No no, try and rest a little longer Lawleit.' Lily said smiling down at him.

He looked at her beautiful face and wished he could return her smile but he was still seriously pissed off. So he kept his expression solemn.

Lily took the hint he was still upset and removed her hand from his chest.

'How are you feeling?'

'Like I have two broken ribs and a bruised ego.' He said dryly.

'Well luckily nothing is broken, according to Watari, but you obviously have some bad bruising.'

'I've had worse...' He said looking out of the window, it was so cold in his room, she was the only source of warmth but he couldn't bring himself to look at her, he didn't understand why he was feeling such intense rage. What he did know was that he was on edge and felt he could explode at any moment.

She hated the look on his face; he was distant and far away from her. She didn't know if his anger was solely directed at her, Kenzo, Suri or perhaps everyone, but she despised this silent treatment.

'I want you to talk to me L, I know you are angry but I am not sure with whom and why. I mean I can understand why you would be angry with Suri... I am still.' She clenches her fists just at the thought of her. 'But I feel you being distant from me, why? What have I done to upset you?' She asked as calmly as she could but inside she felt wretched and longed to kiss him.

He sighed and kept his head turned towards the window, after a few moments of complete silence he spoke. 'Why, why did you let him touch you?' He said almost whispering.

Her stomach knotted, so it was about Kenzo... 'I didn't, he just touched a strand of my hair. He did it before I could react.'

'And I suppose putting an arm around you doesn't qualify as touching?' he snapped back.

She really didn't like his attitude but she remained calm, he was obviously in a state and must be in pain from the bruising, so she would let it go...for now.

'Again I didn't see him coming and he just did it, I tried to remove his arm as soon as I felt it.'

He shakes his head, obviously not believing her. 'Just seeing that ape touch you, I could of killed Suri with the anger I was feeling.'

'I didn't even know you had seen me, I didn't want to interrupt or distract you...'

'Hmm, pity that didn't work out.'

Lily started to really feel upset, she hadn't done anything wrong in her mind and the way he was treating her was heartbreaking. 'Look L I know you're upset and I'm sorry I truly am but I didn't ask for Kenzo to get so close and he was just being friendly..' She said raising her voice a little irritated now.

'No, he wasn't, he knew exactly what he was doing, he has a ferocious appetite concerning the opposite sex. It's as if he's a hunter and you were the prey Lily; right in front of my eyes and I didn't do anything to stop it.' He inwardly cursed himself.

Lily was a little taken back to hear L speak in such a way about anyone. Yes he didn't have the best manners and was socially awkward but he had yet to say a bad word about anyone in the house with such bitterness, especially one of his own kin.

Lily knew these ill feelings for Kenzo ran deeper than he was letting on but she also didn't dismiss what L was trying to tell her. She wasn't a fool not to realise that Kenzo had been a little too flirtatious with her, but again she didn't think much of it because everyone knew she was only interested in L.

'I took care of it L, I was only focused on you, I feared for you even though I knew you could beat her, but she was really going for it.'

The room fell into silence again, she couldn't bare this, and she hated this situation.

'Please, can we just forget about everyone else and focus on us? You'll be leaving soon and I can't stand parting like this.' Her voice breaks a little.

He faced her then, his eyes filled with emotion but he kept his blank stare as best as he could.

She took a hold of his hand again and squeezed it trying desperately to get a reaction from him.

She was about to lean in for a kiss when his phone beeped.

He quickly turned and picked it up. He read the message and threw the phone down on the bed. 'They are preparing to leave, I have to pack.' He said with his usual monotone.

She nodded and quickly wiped a tear away that had sneakily trickled down her cheek without her even realising she was crying.

He attempted to rise from his bed again and grimaced. She quickly supported his back and sat him up, he allowed her.

'You've got to take it easy okay...I wish you didn't have to go.'

'If I don't SHS will make this his next and final stop and I can't have that, he has been on the run for long enough and I am tired of his games.' He said through gritted teeth.

He swung his legs off the bed. She helped pull him up making him stand face to face with her.

Her heart was beating so fast, he was so utterly breath taking and she hated this energy between them, they couldn't part on these terms.

She wet her lips a little and stood on her tip toes focusing on his lips.

He didn't make a move to lean in, 'Lily I have to...' His sentence was cut short as she kissed him.

For a moment he stood there, not wanting to kiss her back or even embrace her. But she continued kissing him, trying to open his mouth gently with her tongue.

Her hands stroked up his bare back, he shivered a little from the tingle it sent up his spine.

He sighed heavily as he gave returning her kiss passionately.

She moaned feeling blissful and victorious and buried her fingers in his raven hair.

He moaned in return and slowly placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him.

She gasped a little when she felt how ready his body was for her, she hadn't felt it before. Again her heart started beating faster, she was ready for him too and she wanted him with every fibre of her being.

'Stay.' She said between their kisses. They were both breathing heavily. She wanted this, it was the right time, they needed this moment.

'I can't...' He answered as he started to pull down her straps to her top watching his own fingers tug at the soft material.

Her eyes widened realising what he was doing and then even more so when he leaned in and kissed her shoulder, then to her neck, tentatively; he was savouring each kiss. She rubbed her cheek against his. She felt like she couldn't get close enough to him.

He suddenly stepped back from her not saying a word. His expression was soft but his eyes were alive and fierce.

He looked down to his travel bag at the door; pondering his next move Lily thought. His phone suddenly beeped again from the bed.

They both look at it then at each other. Her eyes pleading him to come back to her.

He roughly runs his hands through his hair and grips onto it and closes his eyes. He doesn't know what to do.

She bites her lip as she watches him, his bare chest heaving in deep breathes as he fights internally with himself.

She sighs sadly, 'L it's okay, you go as planned, I'll see you off downstairs.' She says quietly and starts to pull her straps up.

The phone beeped again making her tut and look over at it on the bed. She jumps when she turns back to find L reaching for her and grabbing her face to pull her in for a smouldering kiss.

Oh my god his lips were like fire. It was an insanely passionate and hard kiss; she knew he had gone up a level from before.

He gripped the hem of her top and then broke the kiss to look at her for a second before pulling up it quickly; she instantly raised her arms to allow him to pull it completely from her.

He was on her again, kissing her as if it were there last time together, he was manic almost.

She put her hands behind her back and unhooked her bra letting it fall to the ground.

He gasped when he took in her naked breasts, 'Lily, I...' He stuttered.

She shushed him and took one of his hands and placed it on her breast, she could feel his hand and fingers trembling as he tentatively caressed it.

He bit his lips and looked up to her, 'I'm afraid I'm lost for words...'

She couldn't help giggling a little, 'You don't need them.'

He gave her that knee weakening smirk making her lunge for his lips again.

He groaned loudly and pushed her back against a wall, his hands roaming her upper body never separating his lips from her.

She wanted to give him pleasure, to make him feel the things he had never felt before, but he had her pinned against the wall; the coldness of it against her back was a relief to her, she felt as if her body had been engulfed with flames.

He takes a hold of one of her legs, again keeping his lips onto hers. He pushed his body closer to her, grinding himself a little against her.

He had no idea why he was doing the things he was, it just felt natural to him and he needed to get closer to her, to feel his body against her; it was an ache he had never felt before and when he grinded himself against her it seemed to help ease the ache; the pleasure from the subtle rubs from her body was driving him insane, he wanted more.

She stroked her hands down his bare chest and then stopped; she wanted to carry on sliding them down, to stroke him there.

He slid a hand up her thigh and then pulled it back when he felt her tights were not actually tights but stockings.

'Dear god Lily, what are you trying to do to me?' He said finally breaking the kiss.

'I didn't know this was going to happen...but I always hoped it would.' She said breathlessly.

'You wore these for me?'

'Yes, almost every day since our first kiss, I've wanted you from that very moment.'

He looked down at their entwined bodies, still breathing heavily. 'I don't know what I'm doing..'

She takes a hold of his face and tilts it to back to face her, 'We have been here before, there is no right or wrong, now you better pick up from where you left off.'

He grips her leg tighter against him and takes her mouth once more.

She manages to slip a hand down his torso and then into his jeans, he was commando. She smiled as she gripped him.

He gasped when she made contact. His body jerked forward forcing him to place his hand against the wall for support.

She continued stroking him slowly, his body jerking and trembling making her own body tremble with anticipation. She found herself becoming extremely aroused just by feeling and hearing his own arousal. The noises he made were enough to melt her.

He rested his head on her shoulder, 'Lily, my god...' He growled in her ear.

'I love hearing you; I love the noises you make.' She whispers

He finds it hard to talk let alone keep himself standing, the pleasure was mind boggling. 'I..I am not one for cursing but fuck.' He rasps.

She smiles kissing his shoulder then suckling on it.

He gasps again and moans. 'Lily, you're mouth, your hands...'

She wanted to get a better grip, his jeans were hindering her. 'I need to get your jeans off...'

She releases him and goes for his button and zipper; she starts to tug his jeans down when of course a hard knock comes from the door.

'Busy!' L shouts over then continues kissing her.

The knock comes again harder this time, 'L, Watari is waiting for you, the car is ready, we are leaving soon.' It was Suri's voice making them both freeze.

Suddenly he takes off Lily's shoe from the leg he was holding up and throws it at the door hard. Lily drops her mouth then laughs.

'I'll get another car later, I'll meet you there, now go away.' He says sternly. Lily could see he was furious with Suri and so he bloody well should be she thought.

'L...I'm sorry but we really need you to come with us now, SHS has changed location again and we are finding it difficult keeping tabs on him, it's now or never my boy.' Watari's soft and authoritative voice suddenly came through the door.

His guardian's presence changed the mood immediately. Slowly L released Lily's leg back down to the floor.

They both sighed and looked at each other. 'This is unfortunate timing.' He whispered looking up to the ceiling.

'It always is but its okay, you have to go now, and I'll be here waiting for you.' She smiled at him and kissed him passionately, their arousal still at the surface.

He broke the kiss and stroked her face. 'Alright Watari, I'll be down shortly.' He said without taking his eyes from her. He turned around and picked her top from the floor.

He smiled bashfully while handing it to her. 'Here, you may be wanting this back.'

She smiled back, 'You're blushing, really?'

He shrugged 'I am quite the mess when around you Lily; you should know this by now being my doctor and all.' He smirked then turned and started to pack his suitcase.

'Hmm I think I may be breaking some of the doctor's codes of conduct here.'

'I won't tell if you won't...' He says while folding up a bunch of the same white shirts into the case.'

She smiles and puts back on her top leaving her bra on the floor. She suddenly felt so sad and lost. Just watching him pack made her well up, what was she going to do without him here with her? But knowing he was going to be so close to SHS and will most likely come face to face with him when the time came to arrest him was making her sick with worry.

She sits on the bed watching him, watching his beautiful white skin on is bare torso move across his subtle muscles around his abs, arms and shoulders. His raven hair messed up deliciously from their passionate antics, his eyes focusing on what he was doing, his delicate lips occasionally parting to allow him to bite down on his thumb while thinking what to pack next. She knew she was mentally taking pictures in her head of him. She didn't want to admit it to herself but she had an awful feeling this was the last time she was going to see her beloved Lawleit for a while.


	21. Chapter 21

**Here is the newest chapter again apologies for taking so long but I hope you enjoy!**

 **Review please! I love hearing what you all have to say, always puts a smile on my face! X**

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L shut his bedroom door behind him and locked it with without a backward glance. His chest felt tight with an overwhelming sensation of loss, even though he hadn't lost anything yet.

He glanced to Lily who was patiently waiting for him, her head down with sadness in her eyes.

He thought she would be relieved knowing it wouldn't be long before he caught SHS and then life could carry on as normal...; but what was normal anymore?

His night terrors and hallucinations hadn't appeared for a couple of days now, but he still felt... a presence always around him; Lily was the only distraction strong enough to keep them away for a time, not even work was enough anymore. That thought sent dread down his spine. He was going to be alone in London, without her. He pushed the thought from his mind.

He grimaced with pain and his perched his duffle bag on his shoulder. It was heavy as it carried three of his five laptops inside, he then awkwardly tried to take a hold of his suitcase when Lily came rushing up.

'I'll take it.' She smiled and took a hold of the handle.

He nodded, 'Thank you.' Then gently took a hold of her other hand.

Lily was surprised by this but didn't say anything, they usually preferred to keep their affection for one and other in private, away from peering eyes, but this time was different; Lily could feel it was his way of stating they were together for all to see.

They rounded the corner of the staircase leading to the second set of stairs and abruptly halted. Everyone was down in the entrance, even the maids, cooks and cleaners.

L's mouth went dry, he had never had so many eyes on him before, and it was terrifying.

Lily felt like bolting back into L's room taking him with her. She could imagine how hard this must be for him. Glancing towards him she noticed how still he had become, his eyes wide like a rabbit caught in headlights. She gave his hand a little squeeze. He blinked rapidly and looked at her. She smiled urging him on. He nodded in understanding and carried on walking down the stairs hand in hand.

Watari was busy hugging all the younger children and teens, Mello and Kenzo stood in the archway obviously not wanting a hug. Even Near hugged Watari. He was certainly a well loved man in this house.

Some of the children were crying and wiped their eyes, 'We have only just come back, and now you're going!' Eve cried setting two others off. Watari hugged them all tightly and shushed them gently, 'I'll be back before you know it, and you know how fast L is at catching the bad guy, might only take a few days.' He said cheerily.

Lily prayed he was right but she couldn't help doubting SHS would be easy to take down, not after all she has heard about him. But she had faith in L and Watari.

She quickly diverted her eyes when Kenzo looked at her and smirked. If L saw that...well she dreaded to think of what might occur.

Suri blew a bubble from her gum and bit it down hard. Again Lily diverted her eyes when she caught the malice coming from Suri's expression; she was out for blood.

They finally reached the bottom with the rest of the crowd and were immediately surrounded by the children.

Lily stepped back a little and let go of L's hand when she noticed all the children making a B-line for him.

He let his bag drop to the floor and allowed them to embrace him one by one. He didn't seem to flinch or stiffen up, he seemed comfortable and familiar with them all; they must hug him a lot she thought whether he wants it or not.

He repeated the same petting and ruffling of heads with each of them, seeming a little robotic but at least he smiled at them. 'How many times do I have to see the same tears? I'll be back soon; I always come back.' He smiled however his voice sounded a little weak, was he doubting his return? Lily rubbed her hands together trying to keep the worry from her mind.

Near walked up to him lastly, 'If you need any assistance L I am always at hand.' He said twirling with the same strand of hair he always chose.

'I rarely require assistance Near...' L started but his sentence was cut short from Lily clearing her throat and looking at him directly with an eyebrow cocked. L took a minute to deduce what this specific look meant then finally the penny dropped. He turned back to Near, 'But I appreciate the offer and I will keep it in mind.'

Near stopped twirling his strand of hair for a second to look up at him and amazingly he smiled, just a little smile but it was enough. He nodded and shuffled off to sit on the step of the stairs watching everyone.

L picked up his duffle bag again and took a hold of Lily's hand. All the children watched with wide eyes, some looking more surprised than others. Lily blushed furiously; she knew she was going to be bombarded with questions later.

Suri seeming to have had enough and opened the front door almost hitting a child with the force she yanked it with. Lily was glad she was leaving but she also hated that Suri would be leaving with L. If she touched him again...

The jealously seemed to tighten her chest and make her breathe heavily. Just the thought of her working with him through the night and being so close to him made her see red.

She started to calm herself down with the thought that L had never made a move on Suri after all these years...so why would he now? Especially now that L and herself were seen as an item now. She trusted L and even though he hadn't had a relationship before, as far as Lily was aware, he seemed the loyal type...; it still rocked her to the core he was being so openly affectionate. Thoughts of their kissing and touching sprang to mind causing her to smirk and bite her lip; how she would miss him and what a torturous situation this all was...they needed to finish what they had started but it was impossible now.

A uniformed driver dressed all in black came in walked towards them. 'May I take your bags sir?' He asked ever so politely.

L nodded and handed him over the duffle bag which the driver took with ease and then politely took the suitcase from Lily. He smiled and walked out with them quickly.

Watari was now walking out the door, coat and hat adorned. He looked back at them both and smiled at Lily. 'You take care now Miss Everly, please take care of my family and we shall see you soon.'

She smiled as best as she could, her eyes already started to well up with tears. 'I shall do Watari; I'll look forward to your return home. Take care of L for me.'

'As always my dear. Come now L we must go, say your goodbyes.' He ruffled a few of the children's hair again and walked out, all the children waving at him as he went.

L finally turned to Lily and to Lily's surprise his eyes seemed a little shiny as if they were starting to water up, 'I have you know I don't need looking after...' He teased.

Lily laughed and then choked up as he brought their foreheads together. She closed her eyes trying to drown out all of the voices around them. 'Please be careful and come home to me soon.' She whispered while feeling her chin beginning to twitch.

He breathed in and sighed heavily, his breath was shaky. 'I will.'

They stood there for a moment, heads together, hands clutched onto each other's between their bodies.

She opened her eyes as so did he when the sound of the car horn echoed through the hall. She didn't want to let him go. 'I...' she began but he cut her off with a long and loving kiss.

Of course some of the children cooed, giggled and whistled, but she didn't care and was elated he had actually kissed her in front of everyone; she couldn't bear not to have kissed him before he left.

His lips peeled away from hers slowly ending the kiss, he smiled down at her, 'I'll see you soon Lily.' He whispers.

He gently removes his hands from her tight grasp and quickly turned and walked out the door. Most of the children followed him out to wave them off.

Lily followed closely behind in an attempt to get a last look at him.

She politely squeezed herself through the crowd and planted herself at the side so not to block anyone's view.

The driver held open the door for L to get in but before he did he took one last look at her. She smiled, tears trickling down her face.

He couldn't bear the look of sadness on her face. If he looked at her for any longer he wouldn't leave at all. So quickly he slid into the car with Watari; thankfully Suri had chosen to ride up front. The driver quickly shut the door behind him.

She couldn't see him now; the blackened windows hiding him from her view but he could see her though. As the car pulled away he kept his eyes on her for as long as he possibly could. His eyes stung from the tears building up inside them.

Watari didn't say anything but simply patted him slightly on his knee. L couldn't have asked for more comfort from his guardian at that moment; if he did he would have surely broken down himself.

* * *

Lily stood out in the chilly air long after the car had disappeared from view and everyone had retreated back inside.

She felt so alone and was suddenly hit with panic. She really was alone, no one really knew her here except for Watari and L. How was she supposed to carry on as if everything was alright? Holding sessions with children and teens she barely knew? She felt out of her depth.

There was no comfort from him anymore and what made matters worse is she didn't know when he would return not to mention the danger he was in.

She could feel an anxiety attack building up, 'No no no' She whispered to herself as she run back into the house and ran up the stairs as fast as she could,

She found her room even though it was dark and she felt dizzy. Her hands shook as she opened the door then slammed the door behind her.

'Breathe...breathe...'she told herself, 'calm down...calm...calm...' it was starting to work. She didn't move, she kept herself pinned onto the door, he fists clenching at her side. 'Just breathe...Lily...just breathe.' She whispered to herself.

She allowed herself to slide down the door eventually sitting on the floor. She felt her heart; it was still beating a million miles per second. But she had overcome the panic, stopping it before it became a full blown attack.

A vibration from a phone on her nightstand suddenly illuminated the room. She frowned as she looked over to the dressing table to see her phone there so whose phone was that?

She stiffly got herself up from the floor, her legs shaking a little as she made her way to the phone still without turning on the light.

She looked at the dated blue flip phone. It had a little Koi charm hanging from it. She flipped it up and read the screen saying it had one new message from an unknown number.

She pressed a button to read it: _I snuck this into your room earlier so we can always be in touch. Call or text anytime and I will always get back to you if I can't answer straight away. Please take care of yourself my dear Lily. I will be home soon. L._

She sat down on the bed and again started to cry, she had become such a damned cry baby since meeting him but she wouldn't change it for the world. She read the text over and over; she could hear his voice through the words.

She wiped her face from tears and started typing back smiling stupidly to herself.

* * *

L hadn't said a word, he couldn't. He was overcome with emotions with too many things on his mind. He shook his leg constantly, feeling trapped and angry at everything.

Watari had already taken out a laptop and started typing something on it. He cleared his throat breaking the silence in the car, 'SHS was seen today at around noon leaving a tea room...however this specific tea room is renowned for serving high paying clients alternative services...' He trailed off.

'A brothel' L stated, he was already familiar with it from other cases in London concerning human trafficking.

'Yes, it seems shutting down half of London's illegal brothel's wasn't enough to deter this one from opening its doors.' Watari drawled.

L tapped his phone on his leg, he anger rising with the thought of those people entrapping woman and children for other people to play out their sick fantasies and primal urges. 'Send out the authorities to shut it down...'

'Already on it' Watari said as he lifted his phone to his ear.

As L half listened to Watari giving out orders to a defensive chief inspector at Scotland Yard his phone vibrated causing him to stop tapping it and quickly check.

He pinned in the key to unlock his phone and read on the screen one new message from Lily.

He smiled a little as he read her message: _Sneaking into a ladies quarters huh? ;) But I am so happy you did, I miss you terribly already. I will try and not bother you too much but I can't promise anything, the house is so lonely without you and I pray you and Watari are save at all times. Can't wait until you return, I love you. X_

He brought the phone up to his mouth and looked out the window again in thought...it was also an attempt to hide his growing smile from Watari. This was no time to be smiling but seeing those words written down ignited the fight back within him. He had to stop SHS so he and Lily could move on and figure out what their relationship meant and what they were going to do about it. She couldn't stay at Wammy's forever just because she was treating him; soon the sessions would be over if they weren't already and then they will have to think about their future together.

He had never had these thoughts before. He always lived in the present and never thought about the future because he half expected to die young. Being L meant sacrificing a normal life. He had to accept a long time ago that he would always be on the radar for revenge. That he would always have to stay in the shadows and never reveal to anyone his real identity. For a while he was enjoying being L. The thrill of chasing the criminal and catching them and bringing them to justice was enough to fulfil him in life until he either died or retired.

However Kira had broken his spirit and made him doubt everything he believed in. He returned from that case barley alive and haunted with dark memories and physical spectres; whether they were in his mind or not they terrified him and he felt empty and lost.

Then Lily came along. A breath of fresh air he had never or could ever foresee coming. He knew from the moment he met her, the look of her, her voice, her body, her hair she was different. His body and mind reacted to her unlike anything he had ever felt before; her was her very presence alone was enough to awaken the man in him. The side he never believed he possessed. The side that can love with his mind and body.

He ran his finger through his hair and bit down on his thumb remembering their last and heated moments together.

His heart started quickening at the thought if her legs, her bare breasts and her skilful hands... He cleared his throat and awkwardly shuffled in his seat; Lily had to leave his mind for now and he had to calm the hell down.

He focused in again on Watari and frowned when he realised he was still trying to make police see sense and take down the brothel.

L sighed angrily and took out the voice distorter he knew Watari carried in his coat pocket.

Watari held out the phone to L and rolled his eyes, 'you know what to say to make them listen...' He said exasperated.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you again to all my lovely readers! I apologise fot the delayed update but here is the next chapter! And thank you to all new readers and reviews. It's so appricieated!**

 **Best wishes!**

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Lily must have fallen asleep straight after she returned L's text with her own. She realised she was still clothed and clutching onto the phone.

The sun shone through the undrawn windows blinding her, she groaned and turned her head away from it. She suddenly gasped and looked at the phone to see if he had sent anything else. She pouted when there wasn't a new message to be read. How on earth was she going to keep this up for? He'd only been gone a night and she had enough of it already...; she prayed he at least was able to sleep a few hours.

She was surprised that she hadn't woken up at all through the night which was very unlike her, it wasn't if she was relaxed enough to sleep through the whole night.

She itched to call him but then thought better of it, what if he was sleeping? Or had just fallen asleep? She couldn't risk waking him.

She sighed and stood up stiffly, her skirt feeling tight and now very creased. She wiggled out of the skirt and her top and flung them on the bed, she was about to take off her stockings when she remembered how L had looked at her when he realised she was wearing them. She giggled and the memory and slowly slid them down her legs.

She looked around for her bra and then realised it was still in his bedroom, she had left it on the floor...well good thing she had a spare but still it was her favourite bra.

She hoped the maids didn't have a key to get into his room and find it...she didn't want anyone painting him in a different light because of her...besides she was still a guest in this house and should show everyone respect, especially if what Watari said to her was true, that it would be better for L for her to remain here at Wammy's.

Her phone rang making her jump, she leapt for it on the bed and realised it was her actual phone ringing, her heart sank; she knew L wouldn't be calling on that one.

Still she rushed to answer it, 'Hello mum.' She answered cheerfully.

'Hello darling, how are you? He mother answered just as brightly.

'I'm fine thank you, how's Granddad doing?' She said while looking through the wardrobe to find something to wear, no skirts until he comes back she thought, she would save them for him only...

'He's doing better thank goodness; he is back at home now with almost weekly visits to the hospital for tests and new pills etc...' She mother moaned.

'Well at least he is being looked after.'

'Oh he is certainly getting the royal treatment around here now, and he loves it too.'

Lily laughed; it was good to hear her mother sounding a little more relaxed. She put the phone on loud speaker as she squeezed into a pair of tight jeans..., hmm these had fitted me perfectly before I came here she thought. It's L's fault with his darn sweets.

'Lily did you hear me?' Her mother asked now a second time.

'Sorry mum what? I'm just getting dressed she said now on the bed wrestling with her jeans, damn you Lawleit, I'll be having words next time we speak she smirked.

'I asked how you sessions were getting on with L? It's been weeks...surely you are nearing to the end of his treatment?'

She sat up suddenly stiff, 'Oh well...it's going very well mother, it's just that he has been called to work a case up in London...'

'What? So what are you still doing there? Come home and then go back when he returns.'

'I would but...Watari has appointed me the house shrink so to speak...I have a few sessions booked already with some of the other children.'

'But Lily you're only a practising psychiatrist you don't even have a full medical license and besides you were only there for L, this all could be too much for you. Children and teens are in another league of their own.' Her mother warned.

It didn't deter Lily however, she knew whatever her mother said wouldn't be enough to get her to leave Wammy's, not until L had returned safely. She cleared her throat and smiled down the phone even though her mother couldn't see.

'Mother it's not as if I am getting paid for the sessions so I highly doubt me not having a full license is irrelevant, besides Watari asked me kindly and I know some of these kids need to talk some things out and I want to help. They aren't normal kids as you well know.'

'Oh yes I am all too familiar with that, it's just I think you may be out of your depth here.'

Lily felt a little hurt, her mother should be doing the opposite and encouraging her, not the other way around, 'You said the same thing with L and that turned out just, fine we broke some new ground.' She blushed, if only her mother knew what kind of ground they had broken.

Her mother was silent for a moment, Lily tensed she knew her mother was thinking deeply, or worse working things out in that brilliant mind of hers.

'Mum? You still there?' Lily asked swallowing nervously.

'Mm hmm, yes I'm still here.'

'I'll be okay I promise, I better go now and get the day organised, I think I have a session or two...'

Her mother her off curtly, 'Lily has something happened between you and L?' Her mother asked ever so calmly.

Lily's eyes widened with horror as she gripped onto the phone tightly. What was she going to say? She never lied to her mother... she couldn't her mother always knew when she was. 'What do you mean something?' She asked as casually as she could.

'You know very well what I mean.'

Lily was quiet again, oh god what could she say? 'We have become very close, friends if you will.' There it was a straight out lie to the only person she never lied too. She felt instantly guilty.

'Friends? You understand what it means to be a psychiatrist? It's not advised to become emotionally attached to your patients, we train for this Lily.' Her mother sounded a little on edge.

'Yes I know what it means to be a psychiatrist mother but that doesn't mean I cannot be friends with someone when I am not treating them.'

'It won't make things any easier, its foolish Lily.'

Lily was now extremely relieved she had not revealed her true feelings for L. He mother would certainly not approve. 'I have to go now mum, like I said I've got patients to see today.' She said now feeling angered by her mothers' behaviour.

'Lily, don't be foolish, don't allow yourself to get into too deep with him, if it's already happened which I am pretty sure it has then you better leave that place as soon as you can. I don't foresee a happy ending with him friends or not.'

'You don't even know him!' Lily suddenly snapped allowing her emotions to get the better of her.

'Oh dear god girl, what have you gotten yourself into?' Her mother said exasperated.

* * *

L couldn't sleep; of course he hadn't slept all night. Had been on tracking down SHS and hadn't stopped once for a break, a nap or even food.

Watari has collapsed beside him in a chair in the early hours of the morning unable to keep up with L's manic pace.

The stubborn old man wanted to continue but L had insisted he go to and get some rest.

'You won't be of any help half asleep Watari; I need you sharp and awake.' He had told him truthfully. He would be lost without his brilliant guardian and accomplice. They were quite the team.

'Fine but please don't allow me to sleep for too long, a couple of hours should be enough.' Watari ordered while yawning and stiffly rising up out of his chair.

'Very well.' He answered without looking away from his laptop screen, he would allow Watari at least four hours but of course he wouldn't tell him that.

Watari shuffled into one of the grand bedrooms of the sweet and shut the door gently.

L bit down on his thumb and looked around at the several monitors all facing him. They were showing live camera feeds in and around the city of several locations where he had deducted SHS could be hiding.

His stomach rumbled but he ignored it, the sugar cravings were already in full swing leaving him with a massive headache and blurry vision. But he remained squatted in his chair, he knew SHS would make a move; the psychopath cannot go on long without having to kill or at least make himself known in some form or another.

He licked his dry lips, he was thirsty but didn't want to take his eyes off the monitors, it would only take a second to look away and miss SHS. He couldn't allow that to happen. SHS had been on the run long enough.

Plus there was someone back home he had to protect; actually a lot of people relied on him for protection from this monster. But she was the only one in his mind. Call it selfish or not L didn't care all he cared about was protecting her and bringing the monster to justice.

He fingered his phone for a moment, he could call her, he didn't have to look away for that...no better not. Just hearing her voice would distract his mind away from what he needed to do at that moment.

Funny he never allowed anything to distract him or even tempt him from his work...even though this was of extreme importance, lives were on the line. But he was wrestling with his emotions. He wanted hear Lily's voice but he had to protect her so he couldn't allow himself to become lost in speaking with her. He had to keep focused, but she kept him calm and he always felt safe around her.

But now he was the one keeping her safe and all he could do was think of her and it was driving him mad, all these thoughts when only one should be on his mind and that was catching SHS.

This is why he always shied away from becoming too emotionally involved with someone. Watari couldn't be helped; he was his guardian and his loyal friend and partner. But at least L could control the amount of women he could be in contact with. Not that any had ever tempted him so like Lily. She had changed his life like he had never thought possible and really it had only just begun. That's why he was away from her now, that's why he wouldn't eat or sleep until he located SHS.

His stomach and head pained in unison, he blinked rapidly attempting to focus his sight again on the screens.

The he felt it, the presence, the cold chill travelling up his spine making him shiver.

No not now he thought clenching his teeth, he could already feel his heart start to beat faster.

He needed something, something sugary, anything. He had to keep sharp and ready for flight or fight.

Without looking he picked up his phone and pressed the 1 keypad speed dialling Watari.

Before the phone could connect it was whipped out of his hand by an invisible force and landed a few feet behind him.

L sat frozen, his eyes wide, his breathing fast. He could feel himself starting to sweat, but still he didn't look away from the monitors.

'L...' A voice rasped in his ear.

L stiffened in his seat and gripped the arms of the chair so tightly his knuckled turned white. He had never known such fear. 'Go away...' He whispered almost closing his eyes but the stopping himself.

The voice laughed and seemed to echo all around him; it was so cold now but L was still sweating.

The room had become darker with only the blue monitor screens keeping him lit up.

He had a rational mind but he also knew what he saw when working the Kira case, the Shinigami, they were real but his mind still couldn't or more likely didn't want to believe in it. Even though he had spoken to the Shinigami his mind still hadn't succumbed to the fact that they were real. It seemed he had been functioning on auto pilot just to catch Kira but he never really allowed himself to believe in them completely, he didn't want to because it scared him and fear was weakness.

He could feel it's breath on his ear, he almost yelled out but then he eyes caught sight of something causing him to hold his breath. Time seemed to stop as L homed in closer to monitor two. It was him; it was SHS walking out of an alleyway with an armful of fireworks?

L grinned suddenly, 'got you.' He whispered.

An unearthly chuckle came from beside him; he had almost forgotten the presence beside him.

'Yes L, now you have him...you know you could stop him right now...' It's voice slithered into one ear and out the other causing L to tense up.

L didn't look in the direction of the voice; he just kept his eyes on SHS, taking in every detail of his whereabouts and watched him as he walked into monitor 3 then 5 and finally went into a Chinese medicine shop.

He grinned, knowing he had him. He went to pick up is phone then remembered that had been aggressively whipped out of his hand.

'I now have a death note...' The voice continued freezing L's blood with its tone. 'You can use it on him, on anyone you want...'

What? A death note? Then it really was a Shinigami!

L heard chains, the same sounding chains from his nightmare. They suddenly clanked down beside him on the desk. His eyes widened with horror as a grisly hand came into view and dropped down a death note on the desk.

'You know what to do...' He said chuckling again.

L flew back in panic toppling his chair over him with a mighty crash.

Seconds later Watari came running out and picked up the chair off of him. He bent down in front of him. 'L are you all alright? What happened?' He asked his face full of concern.

L didn't say anything; he was busy looking around like a frightened child, looking into the shadows for the monster in his room.

Watari placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him a little, 'L? What's wrong, can you hear me?'

L stopped and looked at his guardian, he wanted to break down, to cry to scream, but he couldn't he had at last found what he came here for and nothing would keep him from it.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, he had been so frightened his whole body was in shock. He cleared his throat determined to break through the fear.

'I found him Watari, I found SHS.' His voice was raspy as if he had been screaming for an hour.

Watari raised his eyebrows then nodded, 'Right, let's bring that monster in then.' He went to stand up but stopped as he realised L was gripping onto his arm holding him down.

L hadn't realised and followed Watari's eyes at his hand gripping so tightly onto Watari's sleeve. He quickly released Watari's arm and looked away feeling ashamed.

'It's almost over now.' Watari told him attempting to comfort him.

Perhaps one thing was almost over, but the other...L dreaded to think had only just begun.


	23. Chapter 23

Lily couldn't stop fidgeting; her heart was beating a million miles per second. She shuffled her papers again on her lap; must the hundredth time now. Why did she even have these help sheets? She had no idea what her next patient was here to talk about.

The door of the reading room knocks. She stands up quickly putting down the pile of papers on the wooden coffee table.

She straightens out her white red blouse and black trousers and opens the door to find a smiling Kenzo.

Her heart fluttered again from his beauty alone, it was strange the way this young male made her react as there was only one man for her and she wouldn't want any other, but the way Kenzo stared at her was enough to make her blush with embarrassment, nothing else.

'Kenzo, please come in.' She says in a welcoming tone.

She steps aside to let him through. As he walked past her with a smile she noticed how tall he was, taller than L. His auburn hair was long, very long in fact, all the way down to his bum...; which she will not look at. His hair had a magnificent shine to it and was so thick; she hadn't seen such luscious hair before, especially on a man.

He walked in and seemed to fill up the large reading room with is presence, she prayed she could get through this with ease and speed.

She closed the door behind her and turned around, 'would you like to take a seat?' She asked pleasantly.

Kenzo nodded and sat himself down in the L's favourite armchair, had to be that one she thought.

She sat down opposite him and pulled her chair a little closer. Kenzo sat back comfortable, legs open looking a little too relaxed for a therapy session.

Lily crosses her legs and looks at him smiling, 'Would you like to tell me why you are here today?'

Kenzo shrugged, 'I have a problem I suppose.'

'Oh? Would you like to go into more detail?' She asked now feeling a little more professional and relaxed.

Kenzo starts tapping his foot in thought, he looks at her intensely. 'I fuck too much...' He states plainly.

Lily was not expecting that at all, but then she did remember L saying something about Kenzo and the way he treats women...

'I see, does that mean you have multiple partners of whom you have relations with? Or do you mean something else?' She asked trying to control her own embarrassment.

'I mean I see a lot of women...and I can't seem to stop.'

'Do you know why you can't seem to stop?'

He shrugs again, 'because I'm a god damned train wreck and fucking...; excuse me, having intercourse is the one thing that numbs it all.' He says, his voice rising a little.

She didn't expect him to be so honest. It seemed everyone at Wammy's told the truth which she found very refreshing however it made things move a little faster than what she was prepared for...

'It seems you already know a lot about yourself and why you do the things you do, not a lot of people can say that or come to the same conclusion without some help.'

He chuckled a little, 'Well here at Wammy's we understand the human psyche more than the average person and we are brought up to be honest, brutally honest in fact. This is a flaw that most of us seem to possess.'

She nodded in agreement but stopped herself; she had to stop thinking of L...

'I believe it's a blessing to be able to speak the truth no matter how hard it is...the truth can be empowering and has a sense of freedom and sometimes redemption...I don't see honesty as a flaw at all'

He nods slowly, looking down at his hands; he seemed so lost in that moment...

'You used the term train wreck; can you tell me why you chose these particular words?' She continued.

'Because everyone I touch I leave behind a mess. Like I am on the tracks and hit everything in sight leaving wreckage behind me.' His voice shook a little.

She nods again, she couldn't help feeling sorry for him however she had to remain professional, don't allow yourself to become emotionally involved Lily, you're not a friend but a healer... well in a sense.

'How long have you been living this way for? And can you remember anything that might have triggered this behaviour?'

He leant forward, his elbows resting on his knees, then he looked at her and smirked, Lily swallowed hoping the next words out of his mouth weren't going to cause tension.

'Do you know why this place is called home for the gifted?' He asked smugly.

'I was under the impression that everyone here had an exceptional mind and Watari takes you all in to nurture that.'

'Hmm well you know half it then...but it's also the place where we train to become like L and to take over if anything ever happens...'

'Oh yes my apologies I forgot about that part...' She hadn't really; she just didn't want to think about anything happening to L. It sent her into a state of panic and she couldn't really be doing that while in session.

'But then there are parts that only the household knows; not even our trainers are aware about of this but I'm goona tell ya considering your relations with our genius of the house.'

She detected a subtle bitterness in his voice; did everyone feel like this towards L? If so why?

'Some of us have, let's say special abilities that go beyond intelligence and science alone.'

She was intrigued now, 'Go on...'

He laughed, 'got your attention now then?'

'You always had my attention Kenzo.'

He cocked an eyebrow and smiled mischievously obviously taking what she said the wrong way or perhaps purposely hearing what he wanted to hear.

'Take pretty little Eve for instant, she supposedly can communicate with spirits, entities. She says she has seen them too, but now a lot of people believe her...'

'Why not? Why would she lie?'

'She tends to lie a lot, but I believe her, I have seen her turn as white as a sheet in front of me while she watched something behind me walking up the stairs. She said it was a woman who had fallen down the stairs years ago and broke her neck. So we researched into the history of the house and there was indeed a woman named Martha, who had tripped and died instantly when she broke her neck falling down the grand staircase in the hall.

Lily shivered at the thought, ghostly things always made her feel on edge. 'That's a tragic way to die. That's quite amazing though for Eve to have such a gift.'

'You believe it?'

'Yes, call it odd for a doctor but I believe in the spiritual realm.'

'My my aren't we full of surprises?' he says smiling a pearly white grin.

He obviously knew just how stunning he was and must of used that smile on the numerous of women he says he has been intimate with, she just wished he would stop smiling like that at her.

She clears her throat and continues, 'So what is your ability?'

He rubs his mouth with his hand and looks away, she could see the shift in his mood, he seemed to appear a little more defensive. 'That's a little harder to understand.'

'I could give it a try, I am very open minded.' She smiled pleasantly.

'Yeah... you will have to be to get yourself involved with the likes of Mr Robot...'

She glares at him and starts tapping her pen on her note book feeling irritated.

'I'm sorry.' He says smiling, she knew he wasn't sorry at all, 'I am just still shocked he could attract someone at all, but to then attract you...he must have a secret weapon...'

She straightened herself feeling irritated, 'Kenzo I must ask you to stop speaking about my private affairs in these sessions, this is about you and no one else. If you can't manage that then I'm afraid I cannot continue sessions with you.' She warns him.

He raises his eyebrows and then smirks again; she was starting to tire of that smirk now.

'So dominant, I like it...but yes of course, I apologise and I won't mention L or anything to do with the two of you again, I promise.'

Somehow she didn't believe him, but she nodded as she wanted to know what his ability was.

'Okay well, let's say that I can feel people's moods...' He said moving swiftly on.

'As in energies? Emotions?'

'Yeah that's it and I can also influence people's emotions if I know them well enough.'

'Can you elaborate?' She asked raising her eyebrows.

He chuckles, 'Okay look I know I've been blessed with good looks, but still looks aren't enough to get you action all the time...Some women don't trust a pretty face...'

'I can't imagine why.'.' Lily suddenly blurted out.

Kenzo laughed loudly causing her to blush. 'Exactly that's my point! So my ability allows me to let's say influence some women to think about me in a certain light making it easier for them to...well you know.' He winked.

This was unbelievable, surely he was exaggerating. 'That is what you believe you can do?'

'Doc I know it's farfetched, trust me I know how this sounds but its true. I sneak women home almost every night without anyone knowing, or I go and stay at a hotel or I'm invited back to their place, sometimes only after minutes of meeting them.'

'But I thought you said your ability works when you get to know someone well enough?'

'It depends what I want to use my ability for, sex for some reason isn't very difficult to achieve and of course I don't need to use my influence all the time.' He said smirking.

Oh boy did this guy love himself, but she knew a lot of this was a front; deep down he was hurting and the doctor in her wanted to help him, no matter how much he irritated her.

'Plus it depends on how soft or solid their minds are as I call it.' He continued.

'What do you mean?

'Some women although physically beautiful are dim...I hate to say it but I sleep with a lot of dim women, they are the easiest to get into bed with or without my ability. But I like a challenge and I like strong women and grinding them down until they surrender.'

'It sounds as if you enjoy the power trip it gives you.' She said scribbling some notes down as fast as she could.

'Yes exactly, I am addicted to how it makes me feel, not the sex. Sex is meaningless when you're not in love with that person.'

She stopped writing and looked up at him then, his face was suddenly saddened, perhaps full of remorse. Finally a little bit of heart coming out she thought.

'But you don't want to live like this anymore? Would that be correct?' She asked softly.

He looked down and cracked a knuckle making her grimace. 'No, I have had enough of this life and this way of living, I want to change, I want to find some meaning in my life, but I don't know where to start...'

'Well Kenzo all I can say is that you have already, this is the start of change and you sought it out for yourself, which indicates to me that you are truly ready for change.'

He smiled a genuine smile, 'then I can come and have more sessions with you' He asked almost hopefully.

She nodded, 'yes I will be happy to help you.' She said truthfully.

He nodded happily then stood up slowly. 'Well, I can tell that's my time done...am I right?'

She looked at her watch, 'yes...but how did you know?' She asked surprised.

He grinned and pointed to the clock behind her on the fireplace mantel.

She turned around and tutted, 'of course.' She smiled.

Once Kenzo had left she slumped back into L's armchair, it was still warm from Kenzo's body but she imagined it had been L sitting there. She missed him madly and longed to talk to him, she missed his velvety voice.

She took out the mobile with the Koi charm and started to text a message to L; _Hey I just wanted to make sure you're okay and hope everything is going well. I miss you, really, really miss you. I hope I can talk to you soon. Lots of love. Lily. X_

She flipped down the phone sadly and slipped off her uncomfortable shoes, should of just worn slippers...she thought.

She jumped when the little flip phone started to vibrate, it was him!

She fumbled in a panic to answer it, 'hello?' She answered breathing fast.

'Lily...it is so good to hear your voice.'

She closed her eyes; his voice was such an amazing comfort to her. She gripped the phone tightly. 'As is yours.'

'I miss you too, madly.' He said his voice sounding rasp.

'I love hearing that...' She giggled. I'm sorry I texted, I just wanted to know if you're okay, I really don't want to disturb you...'

'I should have contacted you earlier, I have wanted to but I have had to focus here...and Lily you are such a wonderful distraction but never a disturbance.'

She smiled, 'I have missed the way you talk.' She didn't know what else to say, all she could seem to tell him was how much she missed him.

He let out a sigh,' I miss everything about you.'

She giggled again, they sounded like teenagers, 'What are you doing then?' She said wanting to keep him on the phone for a little longer.

'Watari and I have managed to track down SHS dwelling inside a Chinese medicine shop. I have a horde of armed police surrounding him but as expected he is refusing to surrender. I have sent some armed officers to scope out the property with snipers to make sure there are no hostages, then we can move in.' He calmly stated, all business talk.

Lily couldn't believe he had rung her when he was about to have a showdown with SHS.

'Oh my god, I should go then...um be safe and let me know how everything goes...' It sounded so stupid but what else could she say? Yeah arrest the shit out of that monster for me!?

'We still have to wait for the officers to give the all clear, until then I am waiting with Watari in the hotel room.'

Poor Watari she thought blushing having to hear all the mushy talk between the two of them.

'Um alright, if you're sure...'

'I'm always sure Lily, plus I am proficient in multitasking.' He voice was all seriousness but she knew he was making a joke.

'The lower level is secure, no hostages were detected...' She heard Watari say.

'Tell them to use their infra red, I don't trust their eyes.' L ordered.

Lily felt so in the way, 'L I should go, just contact me when this is all done or when you can okay?'

She heard a loud bang suddenly from L's side and a frantic female voice. 'He had backup, they are heading for the hotel, we have to move now!' Suri shouted.

Lilly's eyes widened with panic, 'L are you okay?' she asked trying not to sound alarmed.

'I'll call you when I can Lily, I'll be coming him to you soon I promise.'

'Please be careful.' She said her heart beating so fast. She could hear him rustling and moving about.

'Suri bring round the armoured van.' He ordered. 'I will Lily, we all will.'

Then he hung up. She stood up pacing the floor, oh god this was awful. She felt so helpless, what could she do, who could she talk too?

'Was that L?' Asked a voice suddenly from behind her.

Lily yelped and turned around quickly to find Near standing at the door, she didn't even hear him come in.

She nodded attempting not to cry. 'Yes and I think he may be in trouble.' She said terrified.

He sighed, 'he always is Lily.' Near said quietly.

This was the first time he had ever said her name. She didn't know how to react or what to make of it.

'It's not wise to love any of us, catching the bad guys will always come first. Love is always second, that's what we are all taught.' He said looking her straight in the eyes with his enormous dark eyes, very similar to L's.

She didn't want to hear his words but she couldn't deny how much truth they held in that moment.

She didn't say anything, just stood there fiddling with her fingers.

Near walked in casually. 'What are these?' he said picking up one of the help sheets from the coffee table.

She subtle wiped a tear from her cheek and forced a smile, 'oh they are just some help sheets if anyone wants one...'

Near's eyes moved over the piece of paper quickly, something flashes in his face suddenly, then he looks up to her slowly. 'I'll take one.' He said seriously.

She nodded, 'Of course...'

* * *

 **Thank you again to all my readers old and new! Please please leave a review. I really want to know what you all think! Plus it helps motivate me to keep writing and updating faster!  
**

 **Thank you! :D**


	24. Chapter 24

Everyone was frantic as they gathered their things and evacuated the hotel.

Suri grabbed onto L's shirt as he was wrestling with his bags and laptops and roughly attempted to pull him out of the room. 'Come on leave them! You're rich you can buy more!' She yelled at him.

'It's the data that's within them I am concerned for!' He yelled back and pulled himself free of her grip causing her nails to tear his shirt at the shoulder. He proceeded to pack all the laptops he had into his enormous bag and then pushed passed Suri and out into the corridor.

This wasn't new for L to go through, this had happened many times before for him to make estimation that they only had ten minutes to evacuate the room, the hotel and to drive off from the location before the hoard of brutes discovered them. Five minutes had already gone past.

'Down the stairs he ordered Watari and Suri, they always use the elevators.' Brutes were always so predictable.

Suri stood aside to allow him and Watari to go first. 'We've got to hurry; we are on the fifteenth floor.' She said calmly, her bodyguard instincts kicking in.

They started running down the stairs; which was difficult with the heavy bag on his shoulders, lack of sleep and dealing with his immense headache from the sugar withdrawal. Thankfully his adrenaline had kicked in to help keep up the pace.

'We can't go through the lobby.' Said Suri behind him.

'There is a delivery drop off point on the ground floor, we go out through there. Did you park the van where I directed? Wait, weren't you the one that was supposed to park the van? I distinctly remember asking you.'

Suri cut him off angrily 'Agent Dante is on it, I wanted to be with you...and Watari. To make sure you got out okay...'

As Watari rounded another railing to go down another flight of stairs he caught L's eyes and they shared a look.

He wished Suri didn't do so much for him L thought, it felt extremely awkward but he had to be grateful for her, she could have just left him and Watari to face the music alone.

They didn't say anything for the rest of the way down. L shook his head trying to clear his blurry vision that was becoming increasingly disabling.

Then finally they reached the bottom floor and rushed out through steel double doors which lead out onto the drop off area as L had planned.

He took out his phone quickly and speed dialled the agent, 'Dante are you there? Come to the drop off area now.' He ordered.

'On my way sir.' Dante calmly replied.

Soon after he hung up the phone the screeching tyres of a vehicle echoed around them.

A few moments later Dante drifted the van to a halt in front of them.

They all ran towards the van, L quickly swung his bag into the boot. As he closed it a ringing sound shot past him and ricocheted off of the van. He fell against it suddenly feeling he had been pushed over roughly.

'Get down!' Dante yelled out.

L ducked down and crawled around the van quickly and effortlessly. Gun shots were suddenly unleashed deafening all of them. He managed to crawl into the van and was relieved beyond measure to find everyone safely inside.

Dante floored the pedal and the van screeched out from the drop off point at high speed.

'Where do we go?' Dante yelled back at them glancing at every moment into his mirrors to make sure they weren't being followed.

'We keep to the plan and team up with the police at the next location.' Watari instructed Dante.

'Shit, we need to go to the hospital!' Suri cried out.

L frowned at her, 'Why are you injured?' He said suddenly feeling a warm and then numbing sensation on his left shoulder.

She climbed over to him, 'no you idiot, but you are.' She said putting her hands onto his shoulder.

He flinched at the sudden pain and looked down to find his white shirt covered in blood.

He looked up to her and Watari's concerned faces. 'I'm fine; I didn't even feel it...' He said as a wave of coldness rushed through his body and he began to feel faint.

He could hear their voices shouting for him to stay awake, to stay with them. But he allowed himself to fall deeper into the darkness as waiting for him was Lily, he could see his beautiful Lily and she was smiling at him.

* * *

Lily couldn't take it anymore. She had been pacing backwards and forwards for so long inside her room that the carpet under her feet had started to wear down.

It had been hours since that horrid phone call. L was being chased down and she could do nothing about it.

She had to go to London she decided, yes she might get in the way and maybe killed herself but at least she would be able to see him again...who knows what has happened to him...

She knew full well she was not thinking rationally, but love made fools out of people and now she felt like the biggest fool of all and she really didn't give a damn.

She rushed out of her room and looked around for a kid or a teen that she knew she could talk too.

As luck would have it she soon found Soot listening to music while petting a beautiful, wingless bird on his lap in the sun room.

She didn't want to make them both jump so she made sure she walked into his view and smiled and waved at him sweetly.

He lifted his head up in greeting and removed one of his ear pieces.

'Hey, do you like my friend? He's called a Kiwi.' He said smiling down at the fluffy and adorable bird resting peacefully in his lap. 'I like the name Kiwi so that's his name.' He smiles down proudly at the bird.

She was surprised to see the usually cocky and mischievous Soot so happy. He must love animals she thought.

'Yes he is gorgeous, so cute.'

He smiled as he looked down at Kiwi, 'yeah he is awesome.'

She nodded and smiled, but her heart was racing the entire time thinking of L. 'Soot I wondered if you could help me.' She started quietly.

He looked up at her still smiling, 'with what?'

She fiddled with her fingers a little nervously, 'I need to speak to Mello...'

His smiled dropped, 'Why? Mello is a dick.' He said sulkily.

She noticed then that Soot was dressed differently. He was wearing a blue hoodie and some cut up blue jeans. No black and no chains. She was happy for that, he looked so much better; he still wore a little eyeliner though which she thought was quite cute. He was a beautiful kid, his eyes were almost purple, she couldn't make out their true colour without having to look at him intently which would be awkward for the both of them. His black shoulder length hair was shiny and of course he had huge eyes. Why did everyone here have such beautiful huge eyes?

She chuckled a little making him look up at her surprised, he probably thought was going to scold him for the improper language. 'Oh yeah I agree with you on that one.' She said keeping her voice light, 'But unfortunately for me I have to speak to him and I don't really know a lot of the kids here I can ask except you and Near and little Kiki but she is still away with the other group.'

His cheeks blushed a little, he was shy a kid really under all that bravado. He stroked the cute little Kiwi again, 'Um okay, what do you need?' He asked quietly without looking at her.

She sat opposite him, 'I just need to know where his bedroom is located in the never ending maze of a mansion and perhaps you could give me some tips of how to deal with him?'

'There's no dealing with Mello, he doesn't listen to anyone, can't believe I wanted to be like him...' He said becoming upset with himself.

'Hey we all have people we look up too and idolise, I have done it...'

He didn't say anything just kept his eyes locked down onto Kiwi.

Lily wanted to cheer him up, he was a lovely kid really she thought, just a little lost with his own individuality it seemed.

'I once went out to buy some fake tan for myself...' She began.

Soot snorted and looked up at her.

'It was the new craze and I was only fifteen or something and I remember watching some models on the catwalk. They all had a glow and a tan to them. So I asked my mum how I could get a tan like that. Originally I wanted to start using tanning beds which she went mental over, then she suggested getting some fake tan. Obviously she didn't mean it but I took it to heart and took that remark as permission to go out and buy some.

I was so excited when I got home that I rushed upstairs straight away and locked myself in the bathroom.' She stopped to shake her head; Soot was listening with a little smirk on his lips he was probably trying to hide.

So I proceeded to put the entire contents of that tube all over myself, from head to toe and rub it all in. I must have been there for hours. I remember the instructions saying it was best to leave the tan on overnight. So that's what I did, I didn't even look in the mirror because I wanted to surprise myself of how gorgeous I would look' Soot raised his eyebrows and it was his turn to shake his head, she could tell her story was amusing him.

'My mother didn't even see me until the next morning oh and what a morning it was. I remember popping into the shower straight out of bed and washing all off. After for what seemed hours I finally got out of the shower and looked into the mirror...; have you ever seen Charlie and Chocolate factory?' She asked him.

'Yeah' he said clearly amused.

'Okay so you know what I mean when I say staring back at me was a real life Oompa Loompa.'

Soot suddenly burst out laughing making the little bird jump in his lap, Lily laughed along with him loving the sound of his laugh.

She tried to continue through her laughing, 'My teeth were so white compared to the orange of my skin. I remember my mother coming in because of my screams. She said when she had walked she thought I had been the one who had murdered an Oompa Loompa, until she saw me crying with my mouth wide open and looking at myself like I was a hideous monster.

Soot carried on laughing and Lily joined him, they laugh for a good few minutes before their stomachs start to ache.

'Ow my cheeks! What a stupid thing to do!' Soot laughed rubbing his cheeks.

'I know, I didn't go to school for a week, mum thought it would be funny to write to the school I had orange fever...' She said not amused.

Soot laughed again, 'Orange fever, that's amazing!'

Lily pouted, 'I didn't find it very amusing at the time...'

They both calm down after a few more minutes; Soot was still chuckling under his breath.

'There is a moral from that mortifying story...' She continued.

Soot looked at her and continued petting little Kiwi, 'Oh yeah?'

'It's quite a simple one but we all forget it sometimes because of the world we live in unfortunately and that is to be yourself because trying to be someone or something your not will never make you happy.'

'Or it could turn you into an Oompa Loompa...' He said smirking at her.

'Yes and there's that too.'

He sighs and looks down at his loveable little bird, 'Yeah I understand, thank you.'

'You're welcome.' She smiled at him.

'His room is one of the tower rooms; it's the one of the left...' He said suddenly.

She got up quickly, 'well then I guess it's time to face the music, wish me luck huh?' She winked at him.

'Good luck, you'll need it...' He gave a genuine smile at her.

She smiled back and then walked out of the sunroom towards the staircase dreading every step she took.

* * *

 **Thank you to all my readers old and new! Please keep the reviews coming and it really helps motivate me to carry on writing and I like to know if you're enjoying the story and where it is going. Thank you! :D**


	25. Chapter 25

He was in the dark again, Lily was nowhere to been seen. He didn't understand it, he had followed Lily into the darkness, she was there, goading him to come to her.

'Lily!' He yelled out into the abyss. He listened, nothing.

He started to panic, where was she? Why wasn't she here? 'Lily! Where are you?' He yelled again louder this time.

He heard shuffling from behind him and swung around quickly.

There was a figure in the darkness which was suddenly illuminated with some sort of spot light.

Wait, this place seemed all too familiar, but he couldn't remember anything, he didn't even know why he was here, all he remembered was Lily.

His trainers squeaked on the nonexistent floor as he walked towards the figure, it was the strangest thing.

He was wary of the figure standing with their back to him it, as he approached it started to from the outline of a woman.

He froze, his stomach churning in knots, could it be her? 'Lily?' He called again. Still she didn't turn around.

It wasn't her, it couldn't be; Lily would have turned around from the sound of his voice.

He frowned and clenched his fists, 'You're not Lily...'

The figure started giggling, 'Well done detective, I was hoping you would at least get a little bit closer...' Came the strange and unearthly voice.

He attempted to keep his breathing steady but he couldn't fight back the terror rising within him. He looked around again, the blackness, the nothingness. Oh god he was here again, with that thing!

He stepped back as the figure turned around, he almost screamed when it revealed its face. It had Lily's body, her hair, her clothes, but the face, it was the Shinigami, it was Light.

His disgusting and gruesome smile dripping with blood with pooled around its feet.

'Come here my love...' It goaded.

L started to walk back, keeping his eyes on it. He wanted to run but was afraid that thing would catch him as soon as he turned around.

The Shinigami started to morph again, it ripped itself free of the clothes and hair and sprung up to its full height.

Wake up; wake up, L willed himself as he closed his eyes and tensed his entire body. Wake up!

The laughing grew louder casing L to open his eyes. It was gone, only the pool of blood was left.

He looked around the darkness, trying to detect any movement at all. He could hear something but couldn't see it.

His eyes were as wide as they could be; he was on alert and was terrified. He felt as if he were being hunted.

'L...' Came a familiar and soothing voice. 'L, my boy wake up, come on.'

L hitched in a breath, it was Watari. 'I'm here, Watari!' He called out desperately.

'You have to wake up, please; don't do this to me again.' Watari's voice sounded so sad.

'How do I wake up! Watari!' L shouted now at the top of his voice. He dropped to his knees and held his head in his hands, tears started to drip down his cheeks.

The laughing came again, and then he felt an agonising pain slice across his shoulders. He screamed as he was lifted off the ground.

The flapping of wings deafening him, he looked up to see the ghoulish grin of Light the Shinigami looking down at him, 'you're mine L, we will never be apart.'

'NO!' L screamed as he fought with all his might.

Light was lifting him higher and higher, he couldn't see the spotlight on the ground anymore, just total darkness.

Light laughed loudly, but L kept fighting and then with all his strength he managed to turn himself upside down and kick upwards with force. He felt his foot connect with Light causing the monster to release him.

L fell into the abyss, it felt as if he would fall forever, his stomach in his throat as the intensity of the fall grew, he closed his eyes before landing with a bang.

* * *

He jolted awake, his eyes burning from the white light shining in his face. He groaned and tried to cover his eyes but felt an agonizing pain in his chest.

'L! Oh thank goodness, you're awake.' Watari said relieved.

L followed the voice beside him, his eyes started to focus, tearing up when he saw the kind face of his dear guardian.

L wanted to speak, but he had a mask on for some reason, he wasn't in that bad of a condition to require an oxygen mask surely? He lifted up his hand and Watari gripped it. He smiled at his guardian, he had never felt so happy to be alive.

He tried to speak, but his throat was sore. He released his hand from Watari and tried to remove the mask, but he felt so weak.

'Do you want to the remove the mask?' Watari asked standing up over him.

L nodded as best as he could.

Watari checked L's vitals on the machine next to them, 'Everything looks good; you're recovering well.' He said before carefully lifting up the mask and gently removing it from L's face. 'There we are, better?' Watari asked smiling.

'Yes...' L managed to say weakly.

Watari sat down beside him again, 'you really scared me my boy. We have been here a few times now, but you really did scare me this time.'

L licked his dry lips and swallowed, 'I'm thirsty...' He rasped.

Watari immediately brought a straw up to L's mouth, 'Here, some water.'

L sipped the water as best as he could, his throat was so sore. He laid his head back on the pillow when he had had enough. 'Was I shot?' He asked Watari, his voice sounded clearer from the water.

'Yes, in the back, it was close to your heart...' Watari said shaking his head. He seemed to have to compose himself before continuing. 'They had to remove the bullet; it took longer than expected because it was in such a dangerous area...'

L nodded, he really was lucky to be here he thought.

'L, you're heart stopped for a few seconds, you almost died.' Watari said his voice almost breaking. 'We almost lost you.'

He almost died? That's why he went into the darkness, what if he never woke up? He would be stuck there, with that monster and Lily? He would never see her again.

'I've had worse...' He tried to joke but Watari was far too broken to laugh.

'It was too close this time...' Watari said, looking down.

'It's alright Watari, I'm still here and this is what I do.' He hissed from the pain as he tried to shuffle himself up in the bed.

Watari shook his head but he didn't say anything.

L heard footsteps coming towards them and slowly turned his head to the front. He saw Suri walking quickly towards them.

'Oh he's awake!' She smiled coming to stand beside his bed.

She took his hand and gripped it a little too tightly, 'Oh L, thank god.' She said, he could see tears forming in her eyes. 'We were so scared. How long has he been awake for? She asked Watari still gripping onto his hand.

'Not long, a few minutes.' Watari said quietly.

She turned to him and smiled, 'I am so happy you're back.' She said stroking his face gently.

He couldn't help it but the gesture made him feel very uncomfortable. It didn't feel right. He managed a weak smile, 'Thank you Suri, I am relieved to be back.'

She laughed, 'Well at least you still sound like you, no brain damage huh?'

'That's yet to be seen...' L joked.

She laughed again and sat down n the chair next to his bed.

He looked around and suddenly noticed where he was, 'we are here? I thought I was in the hospital?'

Watari spoke up, 'you were but it was too much of a risk to keep you there especially in your fragile state, so we had an ambulance bring you here, unbeknown to the doctors of course.' He smiled slightly.

'Of course,' L smirked.

The location was another house of Wammy's, except this one focused mainly on the city and monitoring what went in and around the city and its suburban areas. The children were never allowed here, too much valuable technology. Really it was the last resort as the house was so full of high profile case studies and evidence it could never be released into the public, plus it was more like a lab than a house. L had never liked it here, it was cold and soulless. Although he appreciated the high tech equipment and monitoring systems he never stayed her for more than a week or so.

'Did anyone manage to detain SHS?' He asked. Suri and Watari shared a look that L didn't miss, 'I take your silence as a no.' He said disappointed.

'We caught his accomplices; the man who shot you is being tried for attempted murder...' Suri said.

'That doesn't matter at present, what matters is SHS. How can we have allowed this to happen?' He said feeling frustrated.

His heart monitor started beeping more rapidly.

'L you must calm down, you have only just come around.' Watari said softly.

L heaved in a breath and then let it out completely deflating his lungs. He felt a little more relaxed. 'Have you any idea of where he is now?' He asked Watari as calmly as he could.

'The police chased him out of the city, as far as I am aware they are still trailing him.'

'Perfect, out of the city...' L couldn't hold back his sarcasm; it was the only way to stop him losing is temper.

'We are monitoring all we can for now; at least the police haven't lost sight of him. Perhaps they will even catch him this time.'

'Doubtful.' L said not hoping for much from the police.

'We have to keep hope, but for now we are safe here and you must focus on recovering...'

L suddenly thought of Lily, he missed her and really all he wanted was to have here in his arms again. He cleared his throat feeling a little embarrassed for what he was about to ask.

'Watari, could you contact Lily for me? I want her sent for...' He asked without looking at his guardian.

Watari raised his eyebrows, Suri tutted, and released his hand with a push before stomping off like a spoilt child. L watched her go but he didn't care, she knew he loved Lily, how many times did he need to tell her?

'Do you think that is a wise move? You are injured and we haven't finished what we came here to do...' Watari said ignoring Suri's reaction.

'It's because I almost died I need her here...' He said, his voice laced with emotion he couldn't hold back. 'She is an innocent in all of this and through no fault of her own foolishly gave her heart to me. I have now a responsibility to her; I cannot keep her in the dark of what I am and how close my life comes to death on a regular basis. I must speak with her face to face, she has to understand this is my life and I want her to make a decision.'

'What decision?' Watari asked a little confused.

L turns to him, 'I want her to decide if being with me is truly worth all this fear and heartache. She must see me like this, she has to witness the truth and then maybe she will make the right decision and go home.'

'Don't you love her?' Watari asks quietly.

L was quiet for a moment, he didn't want to look at Watari, he felt shy and embarrassed and heartbroken and just scared for Lily, he didn't want to make her life a misery. He felt his bottom lip tremble, he would not cry!

He clears his throat and swallows, 'More than anything. That's why I have to do this, that's why she has to see me like this. I can't be selfish anymore.'

* * *

She must have been standing outside his door now for ten minutes or so, she felt so nervous. Yes he was a mean git but she didn't know why she was so afraid to just simply knock on the door.

She took a breath in and thought of L, she was doing this for L, she had to see him.

She nodded to herself and then knocked on the door three times.

'What?' Mello yelled from inside his room.

'Um it's Doctor Everly, can I speak to you for a moment?' She asked as politely as she could.

She heard his heavy footsteps walk towards the door; he swung it open and leant forward.

'What?' He asked again rudely.

His mouth was covered in chocolate and he smelt of it, it was a delicious smell; Lily realised how hungry she was at that moment.

'Hey Mello, um I was hoping you would be able to tell me where L is? The location I mean, I want to go and see him.'

He snorts and rolls his eyes, 'I don't think so doc, you nor anyone else is allowed to know the whereabouts of the genius himself. And what makes you think I would tell you anyway?' He said seeming impatient.

Her heart sank, she figured this would be tough but she at least wanted to give it more of a try, 'He called me and now I think he is in trouble, they had to rush out of their hotel room because SHS or someone had found them and was coming for them, I just want to know if they are alright.' She pleaded with him.

A flash of concern appeared on his face for a second, then it was gone and the scowl had returned, 'Look I don't know when you're going to get this through that pretty thick head of yours, but L is L. He is always in danger, he should have been dead a long time ago, but somehow he always comes home unscathed.'

'You sound as if you're almost disappointed with that fact...' She said now scowling herself.

He shrugs nonchalantly, 'The only person I care about is myself and I respect Watari, that's about it. So I'm sorry I really can't help you fulfil your romantic fantasy or whatever this is. But we all know this won't last, I don't think you truly realise who you have fallen for.'

'I know who L is,' She said defensively, she had allowed Mello's cruel words to get the better of her.

He smirked and raised his eyebrows smugly, 'do you?'

She didn't say anything, what could she say? He wasn't going to believe her or even listen to what she had to say, there was so much more to her and L's relationship that no one knew, but why should they have to explain it to anyone? She didn't want anyone to know, it wasn't their business.

He clicked his teeth and grinned, 'so yeah sorry about that... perhaps you should go and talk to the fish or something?' He laughed and then shut the door in her face.

She felt like breaking the door down and punching him in his smug face. She had never met anyone so incredibly rude and heartless before.

She turned and ran down the spiral staircase and retreated back to her room. She sat on the bed feeling deflated and exhausted. 'What can I do?' She whispered to herself.

She felt suddenly anxious and trapped inside the room, so she decided to actually take Mello's advice and go and visit the Koi in the fountain. As soon as she saw them she started crying, everything around her reminded of her time spent with L and it was heart wrenching, how could no one care if L died? It didn't matter how many times he had been in trouble, he was one of them and no one seemed to really care.

She sat on the side of the fountain and dipped her fingers in the water; she smiled when the fish started sucking and ticking them. They really were beautiful creatures she thought to herself.

Then the phone started ringing from her blazer pocket, she took it out and for a second looked at the Koi charm and then to the fish, 'Thank you.' She smiled before answering it.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, please review :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello my lovely readers, I am very sorry for such a late update but I haven't been feeling too well as of late, but I am so happy to be carrying with the sotry. I would love to hear what you all think of the story. Please leave reviews if you wish. :) Hope you enjoy. X**

* * *

Lily's heart was beating so rapidly when they pulled up in front of another impressive looking house. It was big of course, not as big as Wammy's.

The driver opened up the car door; she awkwardly shuffled her way out and thanked him.

She couldn't help feeling cold and a little anxious as she took a closer inspection of the house.

It was a modern looking house with little character she thought, and wait did some of the windows have bars on them? This certainly did not give off the same welcoming atmosphere as Wammy's house had done the moment she arrived there. There were no plants or flowers in the yard; it was all stone and coldness.

As the driver took her bag inside she followed slowly behind him. Her anxiety had been building up over the journey for one main reason... L hadn't texted her back, not once since the last time...She had sent him a text saying she was on her way to him, nothing, then halfway through the journey she had sent another to say how much she was looking forward to seeing him, but still came no reply.

Call her over dramatic but she felt as if her heart was breaking, all the silence was tearing her apart.

It had been Watari who had called and asked her to come to L because he wanted to see her. She leapt at the chance but then her happiness faltered when she asked how L was to which Watari replied, 'It will be better for you to see for yourself Miss Everly.'

His tone had sounded deeper than usual and it sent her into a frenzy inside, she had at least had him admit that L was still alive, but he needed to see her urgently. The word urgently never sat right with her, it usually meant something was wrong.

As soon as she entered the hallway it she heard beeping noises everywhere, it sounded as if she were in a spacecraft, to be specific, Star Trek.

The wooden floor was a nice chocolate brown she thought to herself as she followed the driver into another room.

'Please take a seat Miss Everly, I am sorry no one has seen to you but we don't usually house staff in this location.'

'That's fine no problem, will you let Watari know I am here?'

The driver smiled and pointed his white, gloved hand above them to the corner of the room. 'He already knows.'

Lily followed the driver's point and smirked when she noticed the camera 'Of course.' and chuckles.

* * *

Watari smiled sadly as he watched Lily for a moment sitting alone in the reception room. She looked anxious; he dreaded to think what she would be like when she saw L.

He got up and walked into L's room. He sat up as fast as he could when he saw him and winced a little in pain.

It always broke Watari's heart to see him in pain and the guilt that flooded him seem to hit him harder each time L survived another attack on his life.

'She is here, shall I send her in?' Watari asked keeping his tone calm hiding the pain he was feeling.

Without hesitation L answered, 'Yes lease Watari.' He looked haunted and it wasn't to do with the bullet hole in his back.

L watched Watari nod and walk out the room.

His heart was pounding in his weakened chest and it hurt, he took a deep breath and remembered his meditation techniques. It started to help straight away.

He continued the breathing as he heard footsteps coming towards his room, he had to keep calm this was going to be difficult if he allowed his emotions to get the better of him. He was doing this for her own well being, not his own. He had to put her first.

Lily steps in with a meek smile. Was she shy?

His heart missed a beat when she steps fully in the room, she was so beautiful, her hair was down and she wore a beautiful blue dress that puffed out at the knees, also red shoes with small heels and an orchard coloured cardigan that glittered. She had made an effort to look beautiful for him, but she was beautiful whatever she wore.

'I'll leave you two alone then, I'll bring in some tea later on.' Watari said as he closed the door.

Lily turned to him and smiled, 'Thank you Watari.' She said sweetly.

Watari nodded and then gave L a glance. If L didn't know better it was a warning...

L swallowed nervously, he didn't want to say the things he had to say, he didn't want to break her heart...

'Oh my god L.' Lily dropped her bag and came rushing towards him. She took his hand and gently squeezed it. The pulse of electricity hit him instantly as their hands connected, he missed this feeling.

He watched her looked over him with her eyes wide with worry, 'What happened? Were you shot?' She asked now looking at him in the eyes.

He took a breath in but realised he was breathless; she had such an effect on him it was mad, he swallowed and realised how dry his mouth was.

Lily looked over to the table next to his bed and picked up the glass with a straw, he didn't even have to ask her.

'Here.' She said as she carefully held the straw in place for him to drink.

She watched him, always with her concerned eyes but they were full of love, how was he going to go through with this he thought? He didn't want to, he wanted to be selfish and keep her with him no matter the danger, but he had to think of her, he had to put her first.

He finished with the water and she put it down again on the table.

She looked back to him and lent in a little. 'Can I kiss you?' She asked ever so sweetly.

He cleared his throat, he wanted nothing more, he wanted to grab her and bring her lips down to him, he wanted to consume her with kisses, but he couldn't, why make things harder than they are already?

'It's best you don't...' He rasped.

She leant back immediately, 'Oh would it be too painful? What happened L? Please tell me.' She couldn't hide the look of sadness in her eyes.

'I was shot in the back, I didn't even realise until we were in the car driving away. It just felt as if someone had pushed me against the car, but then Suri noticed the blood.'

'Oh my god.' She shook her head and looked at the heart monitor that had been unplugged. 'Shouldn't you have that plugged in?' She asked still concerned.

L blushed a little then, he had unplugged himself purposefully so she wouldn't how fast she would make his heart beat; yes cowardly and pathetic on his part, but he wanted to seem as calm as possible.

'I am out of the danger zone as Watari put it, plus I have my panic button.' He held up a big red button that was wired to the monitor. 'It's quite small for a panic button really.' Why did he joke? This was no time to...

Lily suddenly burst out a laugh and then put a hand over her mouth. He could see tears start to well up in her eyes. 'I'm Glad you haven't lost your sense of humour' She said wiping her tears away. She couldn't hold back how relived she was that he was still alive and the fact he had made a joke well, that was a very good sign. She felt overwhelmed.

He smiled then, he loved her laugh, her smile she was perfect and she loved him, why did she have to love him?

They stared at each other; he couldn't help looking at her lips, he tried to keep his eyes on her but they always lowered onto her lips, he was desperate to kiss her, it might be the last kiss...

She looked at his also and leant in a little more being very careful not to lean on him.

He didn't stop her, he should have, again he was being selfish, but he had to kiss her again.

She tentatively touched her lips to his, it was the softest kiss she had ever given and it was certainly not enough for him.

He suddenly griped her arms and pulled her down for a harder kiss, she was careful not to put her hands upon him and kept them to his sides.

He didn't care that there was a camera that Watari and Suri could observe with disapproving glares; but he loved this woman and he had the right to kiss her.

They each moaned a little against each other's lips, he didn't want to release her. He didn't care that he was running out of breath.

It was she who broke the kiss first, she was panting a little and giggled, 'I need air' she wiggled from his grip and pulled the chair and sat down next to him, again entwining her hand in his.

Tears couldn't stop streaming from her eyes; that had been such a desperate kiss from the both of them, it broke her heart to see him in this way but she had to remain strong. From that kiss alone she could tell he was regaining some of his strength back as he had held on to her with a vice like grip. She had loved it but then felt his energy was different, it almost felt like a kiss goodbye, so she had to break it off, breath or not.

He stared at her, he watched her again wipe tears away. How was he going to say this?

'Lily...'he started.

She looked up at him and smiled weakly. 'Yes?'

'I sent for you because I have to say something...'

'Okay.' She sat very still.

He breathed in wincing at the pain again, he felt her grip tighten on his hand but she didn't say anything. 'I almost died, the bullet narrowly missed my heart and major arteries, it was a close one, closer than I have ever come to being killed.'

She gasped a little and shook her head. 'My god L.' She said her voice breaking a little.

'This is the reason why I have asked you to come, I...I think it would be best if you went home to your mother...' Those words really had a hard time coming out of his mouth.

She shot her head up and the look of hurt on her face was enough to break him. 'What? You want me to go?' She asked almost whispering.

He bit his lip and quickly released it, 'yes, I think it's best.'

'Why? Because you almost died? You don't believe I can handle it?' Her tone was changing, it was sounding more desperate and angry.

'I know you are strong Lily, you have so much strength.'

'Please don't patronise me L.' She cut him off defensively and released his hand. He didn't show it but he really hated that she did that.

'I am not patronising you Lily, I speak only the truth, and you know that, you know me...'

'I do and I know why you are doing this.'

'You do?'

'Yes, you believe I am too weak to be with someone like you, your life is always in danger and you could be killed at any moment.'

'Yes I really could be Lily, I am always going to be hunted, always going to be looking over my shoulder and if you were to stay with me you would too. They will want to hurt you to get to me, we have spoken like this before and you insisted to remain with me.'

'Because I love you fool.' She said shaking her head.

'I know you do and I shouldn't have allowed things to get so far.'

'You can't control everything L, you think you can, you even try and control your own emotions but sometimes they come out of nowhere, when least expect them, like love.'

He didn't know what to say to that.

'We never planned for any of this to happen between us but it did and it's an amazing and sometimes frightening thing.' She continued.

'Why is it frightening? He said not really understanding what she meant.

'It is frightening because love feels amazing, almost intoxicating, you become addicted to the feeling and then fear creeps in; the fear of losing your partner or losing the elated feeling the other gives you or having someone else come in and try to wreck everything between the two of you...'

The both shared a knowing look.

'That's what I am trying to make clear to you Lily, that life with me will always be up and down, it will always be frightening, tense and stressful.'

'I think I have come to that conclusion already L...'

'And I don't want to want anything happening to you!' He suddenly yells.

The room falls silent, he looks down trying to hide the pain in his chest, he didn't know what was causing the pain, the bullet or the stress of this conversation.

After a few tense moments in silence Lily started to speak, 'I know you're scared L...'

He looked at her, her eyes were kind but she didn't smile.

'I know why you are saying the things you are and I realise what danger I am in just by being with you.'

'That may be so Lily but can you really cope with seeing my like this on a regular basis?' He opened his arms out gesturing to himself. 'Do realise I was in a coma before I came around? Watari thought this was it, that I wouldn't wake up. Do you know where I would have stayed if I didn't wake up?' His voice cracked a little, the fear of the Shinigami suddenly surfacing.

Lily noticed the horror on his face. 'Where L, where did you go?'

'It doesn't matter, you are missing the point, all I know is that no sane minded person would stay with me, love or not. I will be killed one day; I have come so close already. And when they can't get to me they will come for you, do you really wan to live like that because of me? Because you want to be with me?'

He was shaking now, he knew he was yelling but he couldn't hold it back, if he had enough energy he would shake her in an attempt to make her see sense, he was also on the verge of breaking down, he didn't want to see her go, he just wanted to hold her, to keep her safe but he knew he couldn't because of who he was.

Lily didn't say anything again and stood up suddenly, his heart when to his throat this was it he thought, she was leaving him.

But she didn't leave the room instead she started pacing in front of his bed in deep thought, she put her hands on her hips as she continued walking from one side of the room to the other. 'Do you believe in karma L?' She asked without looking at him.

'Yes.' He said without hesitation, he certainly did he had witnessed his fair share of it.

'Me too, but I also believe that karma isn't just about punishment, it's about learning from your mistakes, for being a coward, for being selfish, unkind or dishonest.'

'You are none of those things.' He demanded.

She stops and smiles at him causing his heart to painfully skip a beat, she had to stop doing that to him.

'Now look who is being blinded by love hnm?' She giggled a little and continued pacing side to side. 'I have been selfish, I have been a coward and I have said awful things in the past, all these actions have come back to me out of karma...and I have just realised what being with you has taught me or is still teaching me.'

'What?'

She stops and looks at him from the foot of his bed, 'To find my bravery, my warrior within, as cheesy as that sounds this relationship with had thrown me into the front line of war so to speak. I have always been a coward L, always hidden away when things become too difficult, I still suffer from anxiety and awful panic attacks because I find it hard and near enough impossible to face my own fears.'

'So you're stating being with me keeps you in a state of fear?' He asked a little too coldly.

'It doesn't keep me in a state of fear, but it has pushed me out of my comfort zone that I have always run back into. Being with you L helps me become stronger... I suppose you can say I am using you for my own benefit...' She smirks and winks.

His heart flutters, she was truly amazing and baffling at the same time, he holds down the urge to smirk and looks down at his fingers. 'And what if I die? You understand there is a very high percentage of this occurring; I would say around sixty percent, eighty if I am on a case.'

She walks back to his side, and sits down on the bed now, his feels the desire start to awaken within him; this woman had too much power of him he thought.

'I'll admit the thought of losing you is an unbearable one and I don't ever want to think of it, but I would rather spend as much time as we have together, however long that may be, instead or running away, back to a life without you, because L Lawliet, there is no getting over you I am afraid you are stuck with me however long you want me for, unless you cheat on me then I will go all bunny boiler on you.' She smirked and raised an eyebrow.

'Bunny boiler?' He frowned confused.

'Right you don't know films, well let's just say I'll go crazy and I'll probably end up killing you.' She says trying not to smirk again.

'I don't even know how to be in a relationship let alone have another one on the side, besides how could I possibly even think about doing such a thing to you, how could you even think of me like that?' he says all too seriously.

Lily rolls her eyes, he obviously missed the joke. 'I don't, it was a just a warning detective because you should realise what you have gotten yourself into as well. I am no picnic, I can be a handful, erratic and well just a little over dramatic at times; I should be asking you if you want me in your life? You have your own way of doing things, and now with me in the way well, it may become a little more complicated...'

'You're never in the way Lily and I was not living, I was just being L but you, you have awakened something within me that I have always been fascinated about but I have never wanted to explore.'

'Why not?' She asked trying to keep the smile from her lips because what he has just said has been so wonderful but she didn't want to go all school girl on him again.

He shrugged, 'I have never found a reason too.' He said slowly taking her hand into his.

She smiled, 'so...does this mean I can stay? Or do you still want to send me away?'

'It's not a joke Lily; I was trying to do the right thing.' He says huffing a little.

'I know and I love you for it truly I do, but do you understand why I don't want to leave?'

He looks at her shyly, 'Because you foolishly love me?' He says quietly.

'Yep, that's about it.' She smiled.

He finally allowed himself to smile back at her, 'this wasn't the way I had planned for this to go...you are full of surprises.'

'I take that as a compliment as I realise it is not an easy task to surprise you detective.'

'Indeed.' He glanced down at her lips again.

She blushed a little, 'you don't realise what you do to me when you look at me like that.'

'Like how?'

'The heat in your eyes, it's overwhelming, it makes me think of naughty things...'

'I know the feeling.' His voice was now laced with arousal.

'Oh bloody hell, how long will it take for you to recover?' She asked trying to control her own arousal, he looked like he could devour her and she would gladly comply.

'I...I should be feeling better in a couple of weeks according to Watari, but one never really knows how long healing can take.'

'Two weeks? That's a while to wait and you might not be ready by then...'

'Ready?'

'I mean better...' She blushed furiously, how could she even think about finally having him when he was lying in bed with a bullet wound in the back?'

He sighed dramatically, 'I am not one for patience either; perhaps you can help things move a little faster?'

She smirked again, 'How could I do that?'

He stroked her face, then her neck and proceeded moving his hand lower down to her collar bone...'

Watari suddenly rushed in making the both of them jump. Lily so much so she jumped up from the bed feeling flustered.

'Tea?' Watari announced holding a silver tray with a beautiful Jade green Asian tea set.

'Yes thank you.' Lily said composing herself again.

L just cleared his throat and pressed another button on his bed to have a tray move out in front of him.

They both watched Watari both pour some green tea, trying their best to avoid each other's eyes.

'I gather you are staying with us Miss Everly?' Watari said ever so casually.

'I would like too if that's alright with you?' Lily asked smiling sweetly.

'Of course, it would be helpful to have someone else wait on L hand and foot. Gives me time to tidy this place up.'

L smirked as did Lily.

'Then I am happy to be useful.' Lily said receiving a small green cup from Watari.

'Sugar L?' Watari asked already dipping the spoon in the sugar bowl.

'Oh no wait! I have brought you something.' Lily said stopping Watari's hand before he could put sugar into L's cup.

She ran and picked up her bag and brought it back to them. She pulled out a bottle of what looked like syrup.

'What's that?' Asked L.

'It's agave nectar, I told you I wanted you to try a sugar substitute, you said you would.' She pouted.

He smirked, he loved when she did that, 'Very well, if you insist.' He rolled his eyes.

She smiled and squirted the syrup into his cup.

Both she and Watari watched him take a sip; Lily clenched her hands together hopefully.

L looked up in thought, then took another sip and licked his lips.

'Well?' Watari asked.

L smiled and looked at Lily, 'that's really good, very sweet I can't tell the difference.'

Lily smiled feeling triumphal.

'Well I am glad I was around to see the day L have something other than sugar in his tea...' Watari said smirking.

'So am I.' L said reaching for Lily's hand, again not concerning himself with what Watari thought.

Watari cleared his throat and stepped back a little giving them space. 'I shall go and prepare lunch then.'

'Thank you.' They both said in unison never taking their eyes from one another.

Watari nods and walks out the room, he closed the door behind him finally allowing himself to smile.


	27. Chapter 27

Lily had mentioned how gaunt L was looking and took it upon herself to go and make him something to eat; she had told L however she was just going to freshen up and unpack, she knew he didn't want to be fussed over.

L meanwhile had Watari carefully place his laptop on his eating table in front of him so he could carry on working from bed. He was now sitting upright but the pain in his body was sometimes overwhelming.

He hissed suddenly as sharp pain shot through his chest, then it calmed after a few moments.

Watari had just walked back into the room holding a bowl of soup, 'I really wish you would desist for a moment L, you are in no fit state to work.' He said softly as he walked towards the bed.

L didn't look up as he spoke to his guardian, 'SHS cannot get away again, we have him in our sights and are still tracking his movements, I cannot just lay here in bed doing nothing, he must be stopped now.' He said gritting his teeth in pain.

Watari sighed, there was no point arguing with him, he knew L would never let it go. 'Do you believe it was him who shot you? I can't recollect him being there.'

L thought back to that moment, he remembered all the assailants had been wearing white and black masks; there was no way of telling if he was there or not. He shivered recalling the look on Suri's face and then tilting his head down to see the blood all over him. It really had been a close one he thought.

He cleared this throat, 'I believe he was there but because of the masks they were wearing it is impossible to confirm it. However, knowing the extent of SHS's hatred for me I believe he would of wanted to cause me more suffering before killing me, so shooting me in the back doesn't seem to fit.' He says casually.

Watari shakes his head again, 'Yes I'm afraid you would be correct in saying so, SHS really does despise you so shooting you in the back would have been too easy for him, especially when regarding his previous attacks of his past victims.' Watari slowly placed down the bowl of soup onto the table next to L's laptop as the bowl had started burning his hand.

L's eyes glanced quickly at the soup then back again at the screen, 'Watari how many times must we speak about this?' He sighed, no matter how many times he had stated that he didn't want to eat anything that wasn't sweet Watari would after a while put some disgusting savoury dish in front of him to try, always hoping for some miracle to happen.

Of course Watari ignores his protest, 'This is sweet potato soup...' He began.

'It's still potato...' L grumbled.

'Miss Everly assisted me with it; she made it extra sweet just for you, however I find it a little too sweet for my liking but I believe it will satisfy your taste buds.' He grinned down at him.

L stopped typing and glanced again at the steaming bowl. 'Lily helped make it? Why didn't she give this to me herself?' He almost pouted suddenly wishing she was back in the room. Since when was he so needy? He was baffled; love certainly did indeed cause one to act of character. It was a strange but wondrous thing.

'She is still in the kitchen, I am not sure what she is doing but I thought best not to disturb her.' He Watari chuckled lightly, 'She is truly a pleasure to have around.'

L smiled in thought, 'Yes she is, but I thought she said she was unpacking?'

'She has done so already I believe, she is worried about you my boy, you have lost so much weight.' He said putting a hand gently on his shoulder.

Although he was covered with a duvet and his chest was wrapped with bandages L looked down at himself, he couldn't see a difference but then when did he ever study his own form? 'I have always been this way have I not? He asked looking back up at Watari a little confused.

Watari smiles and removes his hand from L's shoulder. 'You have always been slender yes, but dare I say women seem to be a little more observant when it comes to dealing with weight and the like...especially when they care about that person.'

L blushes slightly. Indeed but he still didn't understand why she feels the way she does for him, he doesn't seem to give her anything back, he thinks to himself.

'Alas' Watari says as he sighs and scoops up the bowl from the table, 'I shall have to inform Miss Everly you do not wish to try her soup she made just for you...'

'NO.' L said a little too loudly, he cleared his throat again composing himself, he spoke a little quieter now, 'No it's fine Watari I will try it.' He held out his hand for the bowl.

Watari shrugged and put the bowl back onto the table ignoring L's outreached hand, he didn't want the boy burning himself.

He stepped back and watched L lift the spoon and dunk it into the soup. He swirls the soup around and around and dips his head to smell it. His nose immediately wants to scrunch up in disgust, but the thought of disappointing Lily gave him the will to lift a spoonful of the soup and bring it towards his lips.

Watari all the while remained perfectly still; he even made an attempt to quieten his breathing so not to disturb him.

L goes to open his mouth but then huffs suddenly, 'Please Watari will you stop staring at me? I am already feeling uncomfortable as it is.' L says as he stares at the spoon full of yellow/orange coloured soup.

'Forgive me my boy, but I cannot turn away, I must see this for myself, it's been so long, I can't remember the last time you ate anything other than sweets...' Watari holds back a smirk.

L rolled his eyes, 'I have you know Lily made me peanut butter and jam sandwiches...' He boasted proudly.

'Jam has an absurd amount of sugar, as does white bread...' Watari stated.

Damn you Watari, always having answer for everything, that is supposed to my role, it has obviously rubbed off on him. He thought to himself keeping his eyes on the soup.

L licked his dry lips and slowly put the spoon in his mouth closing his eyes. His face scrunched up as tasted the unfamiliar but sweet favour.

He swallowed with effort and then sat back on his pillows opening his eyes. He let out a breath as he had been holding it in.

'Well? What do you think?' Watari asked cocking an eyebrow up.

With his face still scrunched he looked up at his guardian, 'there is a strong favour in there. It went up my nose; I can still taste it...' He didn't know what the flavour was and what's more he didn't know if he liked it or not, it was very strange though and not something he could imagine his tongue becoming accustomed to.

'Hmm perhaps it is the garlic? Lily insisted on putting a fair amount in, it helps the blood move through your body, especially when you are lying down for so long.'

L suddenly chuckled which not only surprised himself but Watari also. 'She has thought of everything hasn't she?' He smiled lifting another spoonful to his lips.

'You are having more?' Watari asked dumbstruck.

L shrugs, 'I didn't taste it very well last time, I didn't allow myself to breathe, but I appreciate it is a sweet soup, so it is not awful to have in my mouth...I just don't understand how people can eat food like this on a regular basis...' He said completely confounded.

He opened his delicate mouth wide enough to fit in another spoonful of the soup. He had to hold down a gag as he quickly swallowed another warm mouthful.

'I must say L; I am completely lost for words...' Watari said shaking his head smiling.

'As am I Watari...' he coughed a little, 'will you ask Lily to come to me? I want her to bear witness to this as she might not believe it unless she witnesses it for herself.'

'Indeed for I can't believe my own eyes.' Watari said as he walked out of the room.

L looked down at the soup, this is just for you Lily, you better appreciate it he thought to himself as he leant back again feeling a little nauseous.

* * *

Lily was finishing up wiping down the surfaces when she heard footsteps behind her. She smiled as she turned thinking it was Watari. Her smiled soon faded when she saw Suri standing in the middle of the kitchen glaring at her.

'I don't want any trouble Suri; I just want to get on...' She didn't know what to say, but what she knew this woman was out for her blood. She had to try and keep the peace.

'You think you can just come here and act as if nothing happened?' Suri spat at her.

'I came because he sent for me, I wouldn't have come otherwise, I understand how important it is for him to concentrate.' Just keep it calm Lily, perhaps I should pick up that frying pan there..., she thought to herself. She didn't know if this woman would pounce or not, so internally she was preparing herself.

'He can't concentrate, you're a distraction and the reason he probably got himself shot in the first place.' She said visibly shaking with rage.

Those words hit Lily like a bullet, how dare she blame her for his shooting. 'He was shot because there are people trying to kill him! And there always will be, at least I can be there for him and more importantly he wants me here.' She said not allowing herself to crack.

Suri chuckled low in her throat, 'You should be ashamed of yourself, you have used your title as a doctor or doctor in training should I say to become close to him, to give him a sense of friendship, trust and stability; you have taken advantage of him. Do you really think he would take the time to speak with you the way he does if you hadn't been called here to assist with treating him? No. The only reason he opened up with you and began to trust you is because you are a doctor...or at least he perceives you as one. You're not special Lily; you simply used your title and tactics to get the better of him.' She snarls.

Wow, she would really have to use the pan after all, how dare she say such things, she had no idea. 'How dare you, I would never, ever take advantage of anyone like that, patient or not. L and I have a connection. It blossomed quickly but we both could feel it, it had nothing to do with my treatment or at least my mother's treatment, we have hardly had any sessions! Most of the time we have spent together has been out of sessions and just so you're aware _he_ kissed _me._

She folded her arms in front of her smirking a little at Suri's murderous glare. Even if Suri did attack her it would still play in Lily's favour not that she needed it with L, she knew their love was real and nothing Suri could say would change that.

Suri walks up to her slowly causing Lily to tense up, she prepared herself for a fight.

'You think you're the only one who has ever felt this way about him? You think their haven't been others who befriended him thinking he loved them but then were broken hearted when he told them some hard truths?' She stopped a little too close for comfort in front of her, smiling wickedly.

Lily frowns at her words, 'What do you mean others?' She knew she shouldn't ask, the bitch was attempting to stir up trouble, to cause distance and mistrust between herself and L, but she couldn't shake the feeling that that sentence had some truth to it.

'L is an incredible person. His abnormalities turns a lot of people off, some even have run out of the room only having been in his presence after a few minutes, they don't understand him, not like I.'

'I don't claim to understand him, but he let me in and shared things with me I doubt he has ever shared with anyone else, not even Watari as he told me himself. I love him and so I am patient with him and in doing so he comes to me, he trusts me as I do him and trust is where is all starts.' She said lifting her chin.

'Ha, you should know I have heard very similar words before. As I said some people find L strange and even repulsive at times but then there are others who find him alluring, mysterious, intelligent, sexy and brilliant.'

Lily gritted her teeth in anger, she knew that's how Suri felt about him and the thought of her thinking about him like that made her want to strangle her.

Suri continued, 'That's how she saw him; she was deeply in love with him. But of course he didn't love her back however that didn't stop him from let's say experimenting with her, watching her unravel in front of him because of how she felt. He found it fascinating, studying her almost every day. He would take her out for walks and watch her shake and blush as he stared at her, smiling and whispering things in her ears causing her to lose herself.'

Lily couldn't keep Suri's words from affecting her; her heart dropped and the pain of jealously and fear hit her tenfold. She could feel her chest constricting, the early signs of panic rising within her.

She breathed in deeply through her nose, she wanted to hear more, she shouldn't but what just what if she was speaking the truth? 'I have kissed him Suri, something you clearly wish to do, and I know he had never kissed anyone before me. He was too inexperienced and he told me himself I was the first and I believed him, I trust him.'

Suri smiled and nodded and started tapping her long nail onto a hanging knife above the stove. Was that supposed to scare her Lily thought? It wasn't working.

'I didn't say anything about them kissing did I? As far as I know he didn't touch her, but she touched him, she would always attempt to hold his hand, hang onto his arm while they walked and even attempted to cuddle up on the sofa with him.'

Lily gritted her teeth, why was she still listening to this bullshit? This wasn't real, none of it was, L would have told her about this...

Suri clicked her teeth and shrugged, smirking as she looked at her again. 'Soon she become obsessed with him, always watching him, waiting for him outside his room, she would even sit on the stairs looking at the front door when he was gone, waiting like a damned dog for their master to return.'

'No, you're lying, you're jealous and such a bitch.' Lily said as aggressive as she could muster, but inside she was shaking, her heart was beating painfully.

Suri ignores her and continues, 'L started to hide from her, avoiding her at every moment, sometimes he would stay with me at the temple just so he could be away from her, he would tell me how her behaviour confused him to the point confiding in Watari and demanding for him to kick her out.'

'Neither L nor Watari would do such a thing, you are lying; they are good men.' Why didn't that sentence make her any feel better?

'Watari didn't have to do anything in the end because one day L had had enough and told her she had to leave him alone because she was disrupting his work. He was merciless and broke her heart, she made a huge show of it, in front of everyone, she begged and pleaded with him not to send her away. I remember her gripping onto his arm like a lunatic, scratching as his skin and ripping his sleeve. It was I who in the end had to rip her from him. She screamed and sobbed for a few moments before running off. Watari had told everyone to let her be, for her to calm down and everything would be alright. But of course it wasn't.' She shook her head and tutted, smirking a little to herself. 'The next day they found her body, she had hung herself by the Koi pond. That's why L had the Japanese garden built there, in memory of her; it was his own way of hiding his guilt.'

Lily was horrified, just the thought of a young girl hanging herself, in that beautiful garden...it was enough to make her feel faint, but she couldn't believe it, this wasn't true.

'I don't believe you Suri, you are malicious and will do anything to keep me away from him, it won't work.' Her voice was quiet, why was it so quiet? She thought she had been shouting.

'There are a lot of things you don't know doctor, your precious L has done some horrific things in the name of justice, but this? This was far the worst and Watari is just as much to blame, he has hidden L's secret all this time, he is just as guilty.'

'No, it's not true...' She couldn't say anything else; it just wasn't true; it couldn't be.

'It's true, every word, because I found her body, Constance Rose, a pretty and delicate thing. If you still don't believe me go and ask about her, say her name in front of L and Watari, watch their faces fall, the eyes never lie.'

Suri turns around and swipes an apple from a fruit basket on the small dining table. She takes a bite but then turns around when she reaches the door. She speaks with her mouth full, smiling without a care, 'Or you could just go back to the garden and look for her grave. Look to the right of the pond, they planted lots of bluebells around it so the plaque might be hidden now, it simply says rest in peace C.R.' She winks and walks out.

Lily stands alone, shaking while listening to the ticking clock on the wall. Her knees give way causing her to lose her balance and fall heavily against the counter behind her.

She feels sick to her stomach, it was as if she had been told the most horrifying story in her life...and it would be so if it was true...but it just couldn't be; L or Watari would have told her. L would never keep something like this a secret...he loved her, people who loved each other told each other everything...didn't they?

She heard footsteps coming towards her; she tensed thinking it may be Suri to break what remained of her heart with another horror story about the man she loved.

However it was Watari who came into the kitchen, his smile dropping instantly when he caught sight of her.

'My dear Miss Everly, are you alright? Are you unwell?' He said and he hurried to her side and held one of her arms supporting her. 'Won't you have a seat?' He gestured to one of the small dining chairs.

She shook her head, 'I have to go, I have to go back to Wammy's...' She whispered.

'But why? You have only arrived? Do you need medical care? You are as white as a sheet my dear, I am concerned.' He did sound worried.

She shook her head again, 'no, I'm fine I just need to go back, it won't be for long, I just have to do something.'

She took her arm from his gentle grasp and walked out of the kitchen, still in a daze. She stopped as she reached the door and turned around to face a very worried looking Watari.

'Don't won't worry about telling L, I'll do that now, would you give us some privacy please?' She asked not wanting to look him in the eye.

'Yes yes of course.' He answered still unsure of what to make of her sudden turn.

She nodded and shuffled her way back into L's room, she closed the door slowly behind her.

'I think you will find yourself feeling very proud of me.' L says happily to her. 'I am eating your soup, granted it is now cold because I have taken so much time doing so but look,' He opened his mouth and took a slurp of soup.

Lily wanted to smile, she attempted to as watching him bravely eat something he obviously wasn't enjoying filled her with joy, or it would have done if she wasn't still shaking from what Suri had told her.

'I think I may deserve a reward of some sorts, don't you agree?' He smiled at her playfully, he was so beautiful, especially when he smiled, but she couldn't give in now, she had to know the truth...

She looked down and fiddled with her fingers. She could barely look at him.

He noticed her sudden change in mood and dropped the spoon back into the bowl, 'Lily? What is it? Has something happened?' He was all seriousness now; he wished he could get up from this bed.

She nodded, 'I have to go back to Wammy's.' She said almost whispering.

His eyes widened, that was not what he was expecting to hear, 'When?'

She looked up at him, his eyes were wide, but he gave nothing away, the mask of L had returned once more. 'Now, there is something I have to do.' She said as casually as she could.

'I don't understand what have you got to do there which requires your attention so suddenly?' He asked casually, he was feeling anything but.

She thought for a moment, does she come clean? Should she tell him what she had been told? Did she have to go and see for herself? She couldn't bear to ask him. What if it all was true? At least is she were at Wammy's she could leave without him knowing, she wouldn't have to cry and break down in front of him.

'I err, I promised I would have sessions with some of the kids, they need me, they are waiting for me, I can't let them down...' It wasn't exactly a lie, as she did indeed have sessions with some of them, but that wouldn't be happening now.

'I see.' He said sadly. He looked down and flicked the bowl away a little. 'Well if it means that much to you, who I am to stop you. They don't know how lucky they are.' He stared at her, his eyes silently pleading her to come to him, but he kept quiet.

She forced a small smile, 'Thank you, I will be back as quick as I can, perhaps in a day or two.'

He nodded, 'Alright...'

She nodded, feeling so ashamed and guilty for abandoning him, but she couldn't let this go, she had to know the truth. Why don't you just ask him? She was screaming inside herself. She wanted to but she was a coward, she didn't want to be faced with another man who she loved as a liar. Not him, she couldn't bear to know L was a liar.

'Well I better go and ask the driver to come around then, I'll just go and get my bags, I'll say goodbye before I go.'

He nodded, he kept staring at her and she hated it, she could see him seeing through her ruse, she knew he knew she was lying to him, but he didn't say a word which made everything worse.

She was a coward, such a weak coward. She didn't even go back into the room to say goodbye like she said she would, she simply walked out the front door and allowed herself to be driven away. She wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to laugh and praise him for eating her soup, to help him with his investigation...but no, Suri had put an end to that, everything was now hanging on what she would find in that beautiful garden. If she found what she didn't want to find then everything would be over, everything would be crushed and broken and there would be no going back to the way they were.

* * *

Watari found soup and broken pieces of the bowl on the floor as he walked back into L's room.

'Miss Everly has left for Wammy's.' He said quietly. Ignoring the broken shards on the floor.

'I know...' L said without looking at him.

Watari shook his head sadly, he had to tell him...'L there is something I believe you should be aware of.'

'If it hasn't anything to do with why the most important person in my life couldn't bear to look at me and then run off without a goodbye I do not wish to hear it.' His voice was steady however his hands were shaking and his chest hurt like hell.

'That is just it. I believe I know the reason why Miss Everly left in such a hurry.'

L looked towards his friend, finally allowing is face to soften into the pain he was feeling, he waited for Watari to continue holding back the urge to shout at him to hurry.

'Suri came out from the kitchen just a few moments before I found Miss Everly inside. She looked sickly, pale and felt faint.'

L gritted his teeth, 'Suri was with her?'

Watari nodded raising his eyebrows.

L closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, allowing his breath to leave his lungs quickly causing his shoulders to slump down. 'Suri what have you done?' He whispered feeling his blood run cold.


	28. Chapter 28

SHS knew the bastard was still alive, he could feel it. But then he wasn't supposed to have died there and then.

The imbecile who decided to take the shit shot was soon dismissed with a bullet in the brain after L had got away; they hadn't prepared for him to have a getaway car so close to the hotel.

Everything had been ruined; the plan was that he was meant to have dragged L's slumped body back to the room to finish the bastard once and for all, not before having a little fun cutting off certain parts of him off first.

He always got away, was always so damned prepared...but at least he would be out of action for a while...still he had to keep moving. L had eyes and ears all over the country if not the world; it wouldn't take him long again to find him.

Details on the bastard's whereabouts were unknown. From what his comrades had told him, he hadn't returned back to Wammy's, so he must have retreated to another hidden location.

Well unbeknown to the detective he had eyes and ears around the city too. But he didn't want to go after the wounded freak, oh no, he knew he now had to lure him out into the playing field. He would have to attain irresistible bait; there were a few choices already, but SHS had already made his decision.

He smiled wickedly And licked his lips, just the thought of her, her white skin, her long hair and that body, what he could do with her, how he could make her scream for her detective and when he came for her...he would take pleasure in watching him break down, watching L's stone face finally break...and then he could finally rid the world of L.

He had a plan yes, but first he needed something satisfy the burning need in him. Running for your life certainly makes you want to kill something. However this couldn't be done in the usual fashion unfortunately, he couldn't give away his location now, but he had to get it out of his system.

He smiled as he watched a young delicate thing walk past by his car...alone, she will do...he smirked as he slowly opened the car door.

* * *

 **Please review and let me know id there anything you would liek to see of know within the story!**

 **Reviews make me happy! They really do motivate us writers to keep going! We are writing for all of you after all! :p**


	29. Chapter 29

Lily almost leapt from the car while it had still been moving, she just couldn't wait any longer; she had to know the truth.

She told the driver she would be right back, he had asked to take in her things but she declined, 'I might not be staying long...' She quickly said before running off down the grounds towards the pond.

Her chest started to burn from the incline of the hill towards the pond but she would be damned if she stopped now. The path ended onto the greenery going downhill, she wasn't far now.

Her heels started to sink into the mud; was it raining? She looked up at the grey clouds, it was raining...she hadn't even noticed.

She took her shoes off and proceeded to run bare foot. The cold, wet grass was a relief to her overheated and tired body.

She finally found the hidden opening to the pond; she stopped suddenly as she pushed through the branches and bushes. The Koi pond was shrouded in darkness from the trees; she shivered suddenly, a cold chill running up her spine as she thought about the girl hanging herself in this very spot.

This garden had given her such fond memories, before all this madness had begun; it had been calm and peaceful.

Now it felt empty, cold and full of despair. She couldn't allow her fear get the better of her. She rubbed her chest, her heart was beating furiously.

She walked over the bridge, careful not to slip on the wet wood. She shivered as the heavy rain beat down upon her head; she wiped water from her eyes.

The smell of wet grass, trees and earth were strong and did nothing to help her shake the feeling of uneasiness.

She found the bluebells. Just looking at the beautiful flowers reminded her of him, his shaky hands and flushed cheeks as he fiddled and struggled placing the flower in her hair.

She slumped down on her knees, she didn't care about the mud, she was already as wet and dirty as she could get.

She noticed a parting of the flowers; they had been indeed covering something. She started to brush them aside with shaking hands shivering now uncontrollably.

She let out a small cry when she saw it, the golden memorial stone with the words _Rest in peace C.R._

She buried her face in her hands, it was true then, the whole awful story was true, Constance's grave was here and L had driven her to kill herself...

'Lily?'

She screamed at the top of her voice as she whipped her entire body around to find Kenzo standing at the foot of the bridge holding an umbrella. He looked shocked and concerned.

'Hey, hey it's just me...' He said hurrying towards her.

She let out another cry, failing to calm herself down.

He knelt beside her, sheltering her with his umbrella. 'My god look at you, you're socked to the bone.' He said rubbing her arm gently. He looked down, following Lily's stare, his own eyes opened widely as he saw too what she was looking at. 'Oh, you have found it...'

She looked at him, his expression was sad, 'You knew?' She said, her teeth now chattering.

'I heard about it, but I haven't seen it before now.' He said quietly.

'Oh god...' She moaned.

'Come on Lily, you're lips are turning blue, you have to get dried up.' He said while pulling at her arm with enough force to stand her back up on her feet.

She allowed him to wrap an arm around her waist, steadying her as they slowly walked back towards the house.

They were silent as they reached the gravelled driveway. She looked down to put on her shoes when she was abruptly swept off her feet and into Kenzo's arms.

She yelped, 'Kenzo!'

He continued walking her to the house, 'I don't want you to hurt your feet and you need to get out of the rain.'

He brought her inside the house in a just a few strides of his long legs. He put her down gently and closed the door behind him.

'I'll call for someone to run you a bath, wait here.' He ordered. Closing the umbrella and letting it fall on the floor he ran off quickly towards the maid's quarters.

Lily couldn't stop shivering. Her teeth were chattering so hard it almost made an echo in the hall. Also what on earth was Kenzo doing out there in the cold and rain? She pondered to herself.

'Miss?' Came a voice behind her.

Lily turned stiffly towards it and found Betrum the butler eyeing her with concern.

'Are you alright? May I assist you in anyway?'

She wiped some wet strands of hair that had been stuck onto her face out of the way, 'y-you...' She breathed in trying to control her teeth from chattering, 'you could tell me what you know about the grave at the Koi pond for starters...' She said with a shaky voice.

The Butler's eyes widened with surprise, 'Grave? I assure you Miss I do not know of what you speak.'

She nodded, must really be a secret then between L and Watari then she thought feeling sick. 'Alright well, I am just going to freshen up and I'll be on my way, would you tell my driver to leave my bags inside the car...' She asked politely.

Bertum bowed, 'Of course Miss.' Then turned on his heel and out of the door.

She started to make her way up the stairs, feeling guilty about the drips she was leaving on each step. She prayed she didn't run into anyone, it was a huge house, but there were children everywhere.

She reached her bedroom and thanked god no one had seen her. She opened the door and found a maid smiling at her, 'Your bath is all ready for you Miss.' She said pleasantly handing her some fresh towels.

'Th-thank you.' She forced a smile, that was quick she thought...

She watched the maid leave and shut the door behind her. She sighed as she peeled her dress off of her dropping it to the floor. Her body was freezing.

It took some time for her skin to grow accustomed to the hot water. She shook her head, still shocked to her core. The grave was there, just as Suri had said. But could she truly believe because of L that Constance had hung herself? She wiped her tears away, frustrated with herself for always breaking down so much.

She was a coward, she didn't want to face L, she just wanted to leave, to go back to her old life, before this all started. How could she have ever believed she could keep a man like L happy anyway? He was not normal, far, far from it and she was a just a plain, panic infused, trainee psychiatrist. None of this should have ever happened.

When her skin had started to prune she had decided to finally lift herself from the bath.

She then proceeded to pack up all her belongings, thankfully it wasn't much.

She dried her hair, looking at herself in the mirror, wondering why she had allowed herself to get into such a mess. But she fell in love with him; he was almost addictive to be around she didn't want to be away from him... it dawned on her how Constance could have felt the same way.

With that thought she packed up her hairdryer and made towards to the door.

She opened it to find Kenzo standing there seeming just about to knock. 'Hi...' He smiled slyly.

'Hi..' She greeted back, she really wasn't in the mood to talk.

Kenzo looked down to her feet and noticed the bags, he cocked an eyebrow when he looked back at her, 'Going somewhere?' He asked curiously.

Lily bit her lip, feeling ashamed of herself, 'Yes, I am going back home.'

'What about L's treatment?' He asked, giving nothing away, however from the tone casual tone of his voice she didn't think he really cared.

'There isn't anything else I can do for him; I am only a trainee after all.' She said defensively.

'I thought you loved him?' He asked suddenly.

She snapped her head up, she wanted to tell him to mind his own business, to sod of and go and screw some girl, but instead she found her lip had started trembling with tears starting to form in her eyes.

'Oh Lily, what happened?' He asked while taking her bag from her hand and chucking it on the bed behind her.

She shook her head, unable to speak, she just sobbed, she sobbed in front of Kenzo...not a high point in her life.

She allowed his strong arms to wrap around her in a hug; he swayed her gently side to side.

'Shh its okay, just let it out, it will make you feel better.' He whispered gently.

She buried head in his chest, she couldn't control the sobs, it was ridiculous, why was she reacting like this? She hadn't even spoken to L yet...

She hadn't realised until she looked up that Kenzo had walked her gently back into the room and closed the door behind them.

She looked up at him, 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have cried like that.' She said pushing gently from his embrace.

But he held onto her, his eyes now hooded, he looked at her lips, 'Don't be silly; you can cry on me anytime, you shouldn't be with someone who causes you to feel like this Lily.'

Okay he was getting far too close now, 'It hasn't got anything to do with him.' She lied.

'Bullshit, I'm not a fool and your forgetting I can feel your energy, your emotions, it feels as if your heart is breaking.'

She looked down, damn him and his super weird powers...She attempted to push herself free again but he kept her pinned against him.

'He is the only one who could do this to you, you deserve so much better; he can't make you happy.' His voice was deep; he was becoming more and more...aroused?

She looked up at him, her brows now furrowed; she didn't like anyone speaking about L like that, no matter how she felt about him presently.

She opened her mouth to tell him where to go when he smashed his lips onto hers in a harsh kiss.

He moaned loudly, holding her arms at her sides, his grip almost hurt her.

Her eyes flew open, she tried to yell at him, but he kept kissing her, attempting to push his tongue into her mouth, she wouldn't let him in.

She squirmed and then stomped on his foot hard.

He instantly pulled back and released her. 'Lily, I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself...' He stuttered.

She steadied her breathing, 'I want you to leave now.' She said trying to keep her voice calm.

He ran a hand through his long, red hair and looked down, 'I know I can make you happy Lily, you should be saving me, not him.' He said sounding so lost.

She didn't care though, not now in this moment, 'You don't realise what you have just done do you? I love L, I only ever want his lips to kiss me; for his hands to hold and touch me...you had no right, no right at all.' Her voice broke at the end, in truth Kenzo's lips were strong but soft, he was such a beauty of a male, tall, broad and his eyes were the most amazing eyes she had ever seen. But she felt nothing for him, her heart belonged to L and in that moment she felt pride within herself. She could have given in so easily to Kenzo, she could tell he would be an amazing lover, he would stroke and kiss her everywhere, he could give her what her body wanted, but not her heart. She had resisted him.

He shook his head, 'I know, I had no right, but I just don't understand it, why him?' He looked up at her his browns furrowed with confusion.

'I have already told you, I love him.' She said feeling her temper rising.

'No, it has to be more than that...but he doesn't deserve you.'

'Just get out Kenzo, thank you for bringing me back to the house and everything, but now you really need to get out.' She walked over to the door and pulled it open.

He started at her for a few moments then walked out. She slammed the door in his face as he turned back to look at her once more.

Lily managed to bring her bags down one flight of stairs and stop at the top of the other to rest. As she turned the corner she found Near standing at the bottom looking up at her. He was joined but another older gentleman with white subtle, greyish hair and a kind face.

'Ah you must be Doctor Everly I have heard so much about.' He gleamed at her.

She tucked her hair behind an ear as she spoke down to him, 'I think you may be referring to my mother, she is the real doctor, I am just the daughter in training.'

'Are you not the doctor who had been treating L?' He asked innocently.

'No, well yes...I mean my mother was the one treating him, but she was called away..'

'SO you are Lily then?' He smiled.

'Yes I am, but now I'm afraid I must be going, my time here is done.'

'What why?' Near asked, his voice sounded a little off.

She picked up her bags and carried on dragging them down behind her, 'because there is nothing more I can do for L, he needs a professional and that is not me.'

'I see, and what of your relationship?' Near inquired, yes he had to be talkative now didn't he?

She didn't answer and kept struggling down with her bags.

'Please allow me to assist you.' The kind faced man came up to her and took a hold of her two cases. 'I am Roger; I trust you have heard of me?' He asked as they walked down together.

'Yes, Watari has mentioned you, were you not at the temple with the younger children?' She asked finally making it downstairs.

'Yes but they wanted to come back so; they wouldn't stop badgering me about it.' He laughed a little and shook his head.

'Oh so they are all back? She instantly thought of Kiki.

'Yeah back to a full and noisy house.' Near moaned under his breath.

'Will you not stay for dinner Lily? Some of the children have been asking for you, they would love to see you before you go.' Roger smiled warmly at her.

Oh god, make her feel even more guilty will you? She shook her head, I'm afraid I can't, I have t get home to my mother.'

'But you said you were going to stay with L? What's happened?' Near again questioned.

'It's personal Near, I'm sorry I cannot go into details.' She snapped.

'Well I can't say I'm surprised, no one can put up with L for long.' He shrugged and wondered off down the hallway.

I could she thought, I would have put up with him for the rest of my life she thought.

'What is on your mind my dear? I can see something is troubling you...please won't you speak with me?' Roger gestured towards the reading room.

She wanted to shake her head but a part of her wanted to confide in someone who may actually know what went on; so she nodded and made her way to the reading room.

She sat down on another armchair, avoiding L's favourite one.

Roger sat down in front of her smiling, 'Now please, tell me what is on your mind.'

She fiddled with her fingers, 'I need to know who that grave belongs too out in the Japanese garden.' She asked quietly.

Roger sighed and shook his head sadly, 'Ah well that belongs to Constance Rose.' He said looking out into the garden through the huge windows.

The name, so it did belong to Constance. She swallowed, 'How did she die?'

Roger tutted 'she took her own life, it was such a shock and a tragic loss, no one saw it coming, not even L.'

No he wouldn't would he? She thought angrily. 'Who found her body?'

'I'm afraid I do not know, I wasn't here when it all happened you see and when I came back no one wanted to speak of it, they didn't want the children to be affected by it, even though they obviously were but most of them think she left, they didn't know about her suicide.' Roger shook his head again, 'such a tragic loss, she had a remarkable mind and seemed to take to L well.'

That sentence alone was enough to give her chest pains, 'So she spent a lot of time with L? She asked trying to keep her voice calm.

'From what I heard yes, but then again I wasn't here a lot of the time when she was, I'm afraid I am not much help am I?' He smiled sadly.

Her smiled mimicked his, 'No it's fine...' She went to stand up.

'Is that all you wanted to ask?' Roger said quickly.

'Yes, I can't really explain why, but I don't believe I will find what I am looking for here...'

She smiled again at him and walked towards the door.

'However.' Roger began behind her, 'If you so still wish to know more about Constance you should perhaps speak with Mello, I believe he had been dating her a few months before her death.'

Lily froze on the spot, she really didn't see that coming, but would she dare venture into that bastard's lair again for some answers that he probably wouldn't give her?

She smiled again at Roger. 'Thank you, you have been truly helpful.'

* * *

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	30. Chapter 30

Enough of being a coward Lily...just knock on the door... She had been standing outside his room again for at least five minutes.

Heavy rock music vibrated against the door from within the room. Very cliché she thought that an angry guy was listening to angry music...She didn't mind the stuff herself, but she couldn't miss the stereotypical scene before her.

She clenched her first and pounded on the door to make sure he heard it.

She heard some muffling and grumbling before a shirtless Mello with chocolate again around his lips swung the door open aggressively.

He sighed and rolled his eyes taking a hefty mouthful from his chocolate bar. 'You just can't stay away can you?...Does L know about your frequent visits to my quarters?' he said with a malicious smirk.

'This won't take long.' She said and pushed passed him into his room. She went over to the iPod stand and paused his deafening music.

Mello raised his eyes brows and faced her, 'just make yourself at home why don't ya?' He stood there with a hand on his hip and the other holding the chocolate bar to his mouth.

'I just need to ask you about Constance Rose.' She began.

His expression immediately morphed from arrogant to...she didn't know what exactly, but his eyes grew wide and he stopped chewing his mouthful of chocolate.

She let out a breath, 'I don't want to go into the details of why but I need to know what exactly happened to her; why did she kill herself?' Her voice shook a little, the stress of all of this was starting to really affect her, and she felt exhausted.

Some melted chocolate trickled from out of his mouth, he licked it quickly, 'You've got some nerve doc, thinking you can just flounce in here, sticking your nose into everybody's business and while seducing the non-human.' He snarled at her.

She attempted to ignore his anger, 'I wouldn't have delved into anything if it didn;t concern L. Blame Suri, she wanted me to find about Constance to cause trouble.'

'Suri eh?' He thought for a moment and shook his head smiling, it wasn't a pleasant smile. 'She should of spoke to me first but I'm glad she did tell you; you should know at least what sort of man the precious L is.' He bit off another chunk of chocolate; the noise of him crunching was starting to irritate her. He continued to speak with his teeth brown covered in chocolate, 'What I don't understand is why you are asking me? Shouldn't you be speaking with him about all this? Partners never keep things from each other right?' He chuckled under his breath.

'I was going to.'(Lie) 'However I hear from a reliable source that you had been dating Constance not long before her death, so I thought it would be obvious to come and ask her former boyfriend about her.'

'You're treading in dangerous waters...' He threatened lowering his head, glaring at her.

She had hit a tender spot then... 'So it's true you were dating her?' She goaded on.

He swallowed his chocolate forcefully, 'Like I said it's none of your damned business. She was heartbroken, people with a broken heart usually end up killing themselves; like I and Suri have told you, you really should be speaking with L about this, you're obviously avoiding him because you don't want to hear the truth, cowardly really.' He smirked again, but she couldn't help noticing the flash of remorse in his eyes.

'Do you like making people feel miserable? Does it give you some high that you feed off?' She shouted at him suddenly, her patience had dissipated.

He raised his eyes and smirked again, 'whoa, look at you, feisty eh? Ha to think what you're going to put the robot through...'

She clenched her teeth and walked towards him, he didn't back away but she could he didn't expect her to get so close, 'I know why Suri is trying to mess things up between L and I, she is jealous and pathetic, but you?...There is something deeper here, he is your mentor, he is everyone's mentor and I know deep down you respect him, so this act you're putting on doesn't fool me.'

He clicked his teeth and she noticed him grinding his jaw a little, he was angry, 'Oh get lost will you? You bored me the moment you walked in the room and L will grow bored of you too, like he does everyone, including poor little Constance!' He starts to push her forcefully out of the room.

'You're angry with him! You obviously have some history and it involves Constance and the three of you; that I know for sure.' She yelled from over her shoulder as he pushed her.

He roughly flings her out of his room; she almost topples over the railing.

'Mind you own damned business! Why don't you do everyone a favour and piss off back to where you came from! Everyone knows you took advantage of L because he was in a "fragile" state, otherwise he wouldn't have looked twice at you, you're nothing and you certainly don't belong here with us! He would be better off if you followed in Constance's footsteps, that's what's gonna happen anyway, he will tire of you and he certainly isn't capable of loving you, I promise you that.' He slams the door shut in her face.

She stands there shaking. Her cheeks heated from the fight and the shock of his malicious and cruel words. She was expecting such words from him, but she guessed she wasn't truly prepared to hear them face to face. A sob unconsciously pushed through her lips; she covered her mouth and shot down the spiral staircase.

Watari felt truly out of his depth, he had no idea why Miss Everly had fled so suddenly, however he was almost certain it was something that Suri had said or done to her.

He had been searching the grounds for her all day, but it had seemed she had made herself scarce. Trying to avoid him...he thought.

He was so very concerned for L, who hadn't said anything since Miss Everly left. He hadn't drunk, eaten, slept or even worked... Watari was terrified for him; he didn't want him falling into that darkened mind set again as was it was Lily who had pulled him out of it last time. But what if she is not here to pull him out from it again...? He dreaded to think what the future held for the boy.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, only the kids at Wammy's knew this number. He opened his inbox and was surprised to see it was a message from Mello.

 _Call me...in private; I think I may have gone a little too far this time._

Lily had been sobbing so heavily her eyes were now bloodshot and her nose was blocked, but it didn't matter. She had to leave this place and everyone behind...she should have never stayed longer...

She scoped around her room making sure she hadn't left anything behind, when she felt she had everything she opened the bedroom door.

'Lily!' A child's voice yelled happily.

'Kiki?' She said looking down in front of her.

Kiki with her huge pigtails threw herself around her waist and hugged her tightly. 'Oh I've missed you and L so much!' She said giggling.

Lily genuinely smiled down at her as she cuddled her back. 'I've missed you too my lovely.'

Kiki released her and looked around at the sparse room, 'Where are you going? You have cleared the room out.' She said looking at Lily with a heartbreaking expression Lily couldn't cope with.

'I have to go back home...my work here is done...' She hated lying to a child.

'No!' Kiki yelled and threw her arms around Lily once more, gripping tightly. 'You can't go Miss Lily; I have only just got back...' She moaned into Lily's dress.

Lily swallowed, she really could have done without this, this child was breaking her heart, 'Oh sweetie I know, but I can't stay here anymore, this isn't my home.'

Kiki's head snapped up at her, her face serious. 'Yes it is! This house is so big, there is plenty of room and you have to stay with L, he loves you!' she cried.

Why were children so blatant with the truth Lily thought, 'It's very difficult to understand sweetie...' Lily began.

'No, he does love you and you love him, I have proof!' She released her again.

'Proof?' Lily asked not understanding what she meant.

'Yes! Come with me and I'll show you.' Kiki said smiling brightly at her.

'I can't Kiki, I have to go, the driver is waiting to take me home...'

'Pleeeease!' Kiki pleaded clamping her hands together as if she were begging. 'It won't take long, I promise.' She said her eyes wide with excitement.

Lily sighed, 'Alright then.'

'Yay!' She jumped in the air and took hold of Lily's hand dragging her out from the bedroom.

She allowed Kiki to pull her halfway across the house and then into a dark room.

'Kiki, I can't see.' She said feeling a little claustrophobic.

'It's okay Lily, don't be scared.' She heard her say from behind her and then heard a switch flick on.

Red light flooded the room; Lily looked around, her eyes adjusting to the red light.

'This is my red room!' Kiki explained, I am the only one allowed in here, I have a key and everything!' She proudly said holding a chain with a key handing from it.

'Wow, lucky you...but what are we doing in here then?' She asked smiling as best as she could.

'Here, look!' Kiki pointed towards some photos that were handing across a string.

Lily walked toward them and gasped when she recognised the faces in the photos. 'Kiki...' she whispered.

'I was taking photos of you way before you even met me...see this was when you first arrived..' She pointed up towards the first picture that was hanging up. It showed her and her mother in the drive looking up at the house when they arrived.

She looked over to the second one; it was obviously taken slyly through a window. 'This was your first session with L that you and your mum had.' Kiki again pointed.

Lily's heart ached as she proceeded to study all the pictures one by one, Kiki it seemed to have caught the tender and wonderful moments that she and L had shared unaware of the little spy taking pictures.

She smiled as she looked at a photo of her and L at the fountain, the beautiful lights set the mood, Kiki had caught them both looking at each other, deep in conversation.

Then there was the time in the aviary when L had commented on how she was supposedly attracted to him. Kiki had caught the very moment when he had been staring at her, leaning in towards her and there she was standing their, blushing and looking away. Lily smiled and shook her head. L really knew how to make her blush.

Kiki had caught so many moments; the time in the garden when L had been putting the flower in her hair...before she knew what the garden held. Lily shook off the thought immediately not wanting to destroy this moment. She also had caught the moments they had shared as they had walked and spoken together while walking through the house and grounds. Almost in every picture the two of them were smiling at each other or looking intensely at one another, it was blatant how Lily had felt for L from the start, everyone must have seen it...; L's eyes however, were full of emotion and to see him smiling because of her and with the way he looked at her...it made her heart leap.

Lily probably should have been a little cross with the little spy but she felt the very opposite, she felt grateful. Grateful that this little sneak had captured these moments, moments she wouldn't be having again so it seemed, the thought immediately made her deflate.

'This is my favourite!' Kiki chirped in suddenly making Lily jump.

Lily blushes as she looks at the last picture, it was of her and L kissing; to be specific, it was when he had kissed her the first time in his session. 'Oh Kiki!' She lightly tickled her on the neck.

Kiki giggled, 'I like it 'cause I've never seen L kiss anyone...so it was nice to see him doing something like that. He's the prince kissing his princess.' She smiled.

'These are wonderful pictures sweetie, you are a very good photographer; perhaps you should be a spy when you grow up.' Lily smirked down at her attempting to hide the lump in her throat.

'You know I was actually thinking that...' Kiki said thoughtfully.

Lily laughed a little and bent down to embrace the little girl in her arms. 'Thank you for showing me these, they are wonderful.'

'They are for you Miss Lily.' Kiki said smiling at her.

'Kiki, I can't, they are you photos, I couldn't take them.' Lily stuttered.

'No, I took for them for you and L, to hang them up on your walks and stuff.' Kiki said grabbing a little footstall and reaching up to pluck off the photos one by one. 'These have been hanging here all the time I was at the temple, I wanted to tell you, but I wasn't allowed to call the house. Mr Roger is so bossy.' She pouted as she turned to face Lily still standing on her footstall.

She held the photos out to Lily, smiling widely, 'here these are for you.'

Lily was overwhelmed by the child's kindness but in truth she didn't know if she could bear to take the photos; how could she look at them and carry on with her life without him in it?...Perhaps in time she will be able to look at them...she very much doubted it though.

She smiled and took them carefully; she pressed them to her chest. 'Thank you Kiki.' And gave the little girl a sweet kiss on the cheek.

It took forever to leave Wammy's; it seemed Roger, Kiki and even Near were all trying to delay her departure. She'd lost count on how many hugs Kiki have given her, crying and wiping her eyes. It was heartbreaking; Lily had tears streaming from hers also.

Lily had looked at Near and had coyly asked for a hug to which he replied, 'I don't hug.' Though however hard he was trying to make it seem he didn't care Lily could tell he was hurt which made her feel awful; it seemed Near had started opening up to her more, perhaps even trusting her a little? But not anymore, she had severed all hopes of trust with him now.

Soot had arrived late and again looked hurt and betrayed almost when everyone had told him what was happening. He had pouted and folded his arms when Lily had said goodbye, however as she turned and headed out the front door she felt strong arms grip her tightly from behind. Thinking it was Kiki again; she smiled and turned herself around, still with the arms gripping her.

She was surprised to find it had been Soot that had run and hugged her. She stroked his hair and hugged him back before he released her and ran up the stairs out of view.

This was so overwhelmingly difficult to leave these kids...she should just stay...but she was a coward and cowards always ran away. She had accepted her fatal flaw a long time ago, ever since her father had left.

The driver had packed everything in the car and she quickly got in trying her upmost to keep it together, at least until she was out of view of the house.

She waved at Kiki, Roger and Near who of course didn't wave back. Even some of the other children of which some she had met before and some she hadn't had come to wave her off.

'Are you ready to go?' Asked her driver politely.

Lily wipes her tears away, 'yes.' She croaked.

Kiki was still crying, Roger had picked her up giving her better view.

Lily turned her head and waved at them all as the car pulled away; she kept waving even until they were at the end of the long driveway.

Suddenly the driver slams on the brakes flinging Lily forward, luckily she had her belt strapped on. It sounded as if they had hit something.

'Bloody hell!' Exclaimed the driver, 'bloody mental case!'

Lily looked ahead, her eyes opened wide as she locked eyes with a furious looking L, both his hands pressed down onto the bonnet of the car, his hair forward covering some of his face.

Lily swallowed and for the first time L's beautiful face scared her.

* * *

 **Thank you all for your reviews and viewings!**

 **Please keep them coming because as soon as I read the reviews I got writing! haha it really does keep the motivation going trust me!**

 **I really hope you're all enjoyig the story with all it's twists and turns ;)**

 **Much love to you all! X**


	31. Chapter 31

Lily just sat in shock, she couldn't move, she could only watch as L stalked around to her passenger door and opened it up quickly.

'Where are you going Lily?' He asked, his voice was deep and sounded hoarse. His black eyes penetrated right through her. She shivered inwardly.

'I'm g-going home...' She said weakly still recovering from the harsh emergency break and then locking her eyes with his through the car's windshield... She was also in disbelief to find him here at Wammy's where he should be back in London recovering; of course she worried but didn't want to say anything just yet. Especially not with that look he was giving her.

He stared at her for a moment, his body shaking a little, she didn't know if it was from anger, or pain or both; he breathed in before saying, 'Not before I have spoken with you.'

Before she had time to protest he had started get into the car forcing her to slide out of the way otherwise he probably would have sat on her.

'L! What are you doing?' She gasps as he slams the door beside him.

He ignores her as he leans forward and speaks to the driver, 'To the London house please, there has been a change of plan...' He eyes glanced at her at the last part of the sentence.

Lily looked down at her hands, she couldn't look at his face anymore, it wasn't an expression she had ever seen before on him and of course she didn't like it.

* * *

They were silent during the forty minute drive back to the house. However every so often Lily could almost feel L's eyes burning into her, it's as if she could feel when he was looking at her.

When the car pulled up the driver got out and opened up L's passenger door, however L didn't slide out, instead he looked up and spoke with the driver. 'Can you give us a moment please?' He asked politely but with an underlying authoritative tone, as if denying him was not an option the driver could take.

Lily didn't look over as she heard the diver's footsteps walk further and further away from the car until it was silent around her.

She couldn't stand what they had become, all of this was madness and it was all her fault, she should have gone to him first. She sighed heavily, 'L...I just...'

'Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me?' He cut her off quickly, his words were rushed and he still sounded angry.

Lily looked at him, turning her head slowly. He had one knee up with an elbow resting on it and had his thumb placed against his lower lip, he wasn't looking at her but far out into the distance; it seemed he couldn't bring himself to look at her.

She shook her head even though he wasn't looking, 'No.' She said meekly.

She watched him, he started to bite down on his thumb, his fingers on the other hand were tapping one by one on the car seat, he was agitated and tense.

Finally he said, 'Then why?' He sounded in pain, 'Why did you not come to me instead of going on off on your own to find answers that only I can give?' He turned to her then, his eyes took her breath away; they were so full of pure anger, sadness and something else she couldn't tell...

She looked away, feeling utterly ashamed of herself, 'I...I don't know, I was afraid I guess.'

'Of what? Me?' He asked raising his voice a little as if the very thought of it was absurd.

'No..., no, not like that...I was afraid it was true and that you may not be the man I thought you were...also I was battling with the question that if it was true why wouldn't you have told me? That's what people in love do...as to my knowledge; they don't keep things as big as this from each other.' She stammered on almost every other word.

He put a hand through his hair roughly and turned away from her looking out the window again, 'it's not something of a light topic to bring up to the only person you have ever had feelings of that nature for. Why would I want to risk it for something in the past?' He said angrily, then after a moment calmed a little and spoke with a softer tone. 'It wasn't as though I was keeping it from you for the sake of concealing my own guilt but more so to protect you from a darker truth about my history that I'd rather not relive again.' He looked down, deep in thought.

She swallowed she didn't know if she should try and comfort him, although he near enough confirmed everything was true she couldn't help feeling her heart ache as she watched him battle within himself.

'I can't tell you of how I would have reacted if you had told me, but I definitely know I would have not lost trust in you for doing so...'

He shook his head but didn't answer her.

'L? Can you tell me what exactly happened? I am asking you now, I don't want to hear it from anyone else, you're right I should have come to you...but now I am asking you to tell me.' She asked gently hoping his anger had diminished.

He sighed again and looked forward and started biting on his nail again, 'I gather you you're aware that her name was Constance Rose? She was a child at Wammy's'. He begun but his speech was muffled a little by the thumb between his teeth.

Lily waited patiently for him to continue, not wanting to make a sound.

He finally removed his thumb and allowed his arm to hang over his knee. Still facing forward he continued, 'She had an exceptional mind; so much so that Watari and I thought she could well become the next in line to replace me. This of course angered Mello and Near. Mello's jealously turned especially bitter that he took it upon himself to seduce Constance in an effort to distract her from her lessons and training.' He raises his eyebrows a little in thought, 'It worked for Constance became infatuated with Mello, leaning into his every word, doing anything he said or demanded of her. Although Mello had achieved what he desired he didn't not expect the love and affection Constance would regularly bestow upon him. I believe he started to feel guilty about leading her on and began to push her away. First he would swear at her, abandon her on the grounds if they had been walking together and even going to the extremes and flying off to the temple to avoid her...'

'Bastard.' Lily muttered under her breath.

'Indeed, but it gets worse you see their relationship dramas always occurred in front of an audience; they didn't seem to think they should retreat somewhere in private to deal with their issues. So this is how I knew all about their little spats and was witness, as was almost the entire household to Mello's awful and cruel treatment of her. Then very uncharacteristically of me I noticed her crying alone in the Koi garden one day, although it was just the pond at that time; but I had always enjoyed retreating there to get away from the overwhelming energy at the house.

'What happened then? Did you become close?' She couldn't help it, she had to ask.

He thought for a moment, remembering back, 'yes, in a sense I believed I held a certain responsibility to her overall happiness and mental state, she was next in line to become the new L after all, so I decided in that moment to comfort her.' He sighed heavily again, she watched his chest deflate. 'It was just a few kind words of support and understanding, apparently that was all it took for her to then become overly attached to myself. I later found however that her attentions were an attempt to make Mello jealous, something I wasn't concerned over, however she soon began to act erratic and impulsive and when Mello kept repeatedly ignoring her she attempted something no one even thought possible.'

'What?' Lily asked frowning.

'She tried to kiss me, in front of Mello, Watari and a good number of kids. I immediately reacted and dodged her kiss causing her to fall.' He shook his head again and ran another hand through his hair; she could tell the memory still affected him.

'She felt humiliated of course, especially when Mello and the hoard proceeded to laugh at her. When I tried to help her up and take her away from the scene she screamed at me and pushed me running off. That was the last time most of the household saw her.'

'Most?' Lily asked quietly.

He was silent for a long time, so long Lily was about to ask him to carry on when he started speaking again.

'Three saw her the morning she killed herself, Mello, Suri and I.'

Suri...just thinking about her made Lily grind her teeth; almost everything she had told Lily had been a lie. 'What happened?' She asked quietly again.

'It was four am no one is usually up at that time apart from me however on this particular morning I heard strange sounds coming from the music room so I went to see if anyone else was up. As I walked closer I could hear the piano keys being played or at least pushed down in a most unusual way. I was never prepared to find what I found; I still can't get the damned image from my mind. And before you ask I won't go into detail, all you need to know is that Mello and Suri were together...on the piano, bare for all to see...' He said turning to her looking haunted.

Lily's mouth drops wide open, 'What? You mean together?' she asks dumbstruck.

'Yes, I turned away ready to run and wash my eyes out with soup when I found Constance standing behind me.'

Lily audibly gasped.

'She pushed past me when I attempted to stand in her way and flung the door wide open; what was so cruel was the laughter that came from the room, Suri and Mello had laughed in her face and dare I say it, from what I heard carried on with what they were doing right in front of her. My back was turned through the whole ordeal. I knew her heart would have probably been shattered at that very moment because she had never stopped loving Mello. Constance didn't say a word, only the softest cry left her and then she was gone. I ran after her of course but she was faster than me and ran straight out into the pitch black of the houses grounds. I called out after her but I never saw her again, I never imagined she would go through with what she did...I never saw it coming, I thought no one in Wammy's would ever conceive such an act...but I should of known, I should have looked for her...' His voice falters and breaks at the end of his sentence.

Lily couldn't believe what she had heard and what broke her heart the most was L blamed himself; he blamed himself for not stopping her.

Lily couldn't resist touching him anymore and gently put her hand over his on the seat. 'L...it's not your fault...far from it, like you said you couldn't have known...' My god what else would L have to deal with she thought. The night terrors and the Shinigami, the post traumatic stress from the Kira case, being L himself and now this? She hadn't made the situation any bloody better by believing those two heartless bastards before coming to the man she loved.

He took his hand from under hers and used it to wipe his eyes quickly, oh no was he crying? Lily's heart couldn't take any more of this.

'L.' She said leaning towards him now and turning his head towards her with her hands, his eyes were watery, he looked shocked to find she was touching him, 'L listen to me, it's not your fault, I can easily point the fault at two others but you are not one them do you hear me?'

He swallows audibly, 'That's why I had the garden made, I made it for her.' He said seeming still lost in his painful memories.

Lily smiled a little, 'and it's a beautiful garden, I am sure she would have loved it.' It sounded a little patronising but she didn't know what else to say. All she wanted to do was for him realise it wasn't his fault. She rubbed his cheeks with her thumbs lightly. 'I'm so so sorry L, I am such a fool, I should have come to you, I am can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, I am a coward, I never should have run off.' She looked down feeling ashamed again, but before she could remove her hands from his face he placed his over hers keeping them there.

'I like them here.' He said quietly.

She smiled and felt her lip start to tremble yet again, but she allowed the tears to fall down her cheeks, she didn't care; he had to see how sorry she was. 'I am sorry I made you bring up this painful moment in your life...' She said through small sobs.

'No, it wasn't you; you didn't start any of this...' He said his eyes now widening with anger. 'In a way I am thankful this all happened the way it did, as now I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago.' He gently removes her hands from his face and squeezes them tenderly. 'I hope you will still be here Lily, but I won't stop you if you wish to leave...for now I have to go deal with something but I'll be back soon I promise.' He slides a hand through her hair and gently holds onto her neck and brings her face a little closer to his, her heart quickens but he doesn't come any closer, he just looks at her with his eyes she always seemed to drown in. 'Please still be here...' He whispers with such desperation in his voice she feels her entire body heat up and melts.

And then he was off, out of the car and running towards the house and disappears from out of sight.

Lily sat in the car and continued staring in the direction he had fled long after he was gone.

'Miss? Shall I take your bags in?' The driver suddenly asks from behind her, she hadn't realised he had opened up the other car door.

* * *

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 **Much love to you all as always, I write this all for you! :D**


	32. Chapter 32

L literally fell into the front door flinging it open causing it to bang on the wall. He clutched at his chest in pain. Why did I run? I am still recovering from my gun shot... He grimaced as he breathed in deeply waiting for the pain to alleviate.

'L! What were you thinking? ' Watari exclaims as he comes rushing to his side. He takes one of his arms and flings it over his shoulder taking most of L's light weight. 'I didn't imagine me telling you what Mello had said would spur you to go and act so irrationally, especially in you condition!'

L allows his friend to support his weight and leans into his side, 'How could you not know what I would do when you're fully aware of my feelings for her...' L said again hissing in pain.

Watari sighs, 'Come now, you must return to bed...' He starts walking L back to his room on the ground floor.

L digs his feet in the wooden flooring causing Watari to halt. 'No...I have to speak with Suri where is she?' L gritted out.

'L I understand your anger towards Suri and Mello currently, but you must think about what you are about to do.' Watari warned him while attempting to drag him back even through his resistance.

L held strong, 'Trust me you don't know half the sins the two of them have hidden from you and the entire household; I was only made aware of them because I was unwillingly thrown into the middle of it all; believe me I wouldn't have wanted to know any of this if given the choice...' He shook his head attempting to clear his mind of all the memories and images he wish he could forget. 'Suri is toxic...she cannot control her own selfish emotions thus attacking innocents who get in her way.'

'What has she done? I am not aware of any wrong doings committed by her or Mello in the past for that matter.' Watari looks ahead deep in thought...

'Perhaps I will enlighten you at another time, but for now I have to speak with Suri, this cannot carry on any longer; I will not have her causing anymore hurt to anyone because of her jealously.' L says attempting to stand up straight, but the pain was still too great causing him to once again lean into Watari.

'L you have already kept many things from me, even though we went through the Kira case together I know there are some things you are not sharing with me that haunt you still, but I demand to know why Suri is so jealous and of whom? I will not be kept in the dark about such a matter, especially when they could concern you and the other children at Wammy's.'

L sighed, he knew when his guardian used that tone he was serious and there would be no way around it, 'Very well, but I have to sit down first...' L grimaced.

Watari was moving immediately towards L's room and carefully sat him down on the bed.

'Perhaps we should call the doctor in again to give you a once over, you are looking paler than usual my boy...' Watari says as he scans L's face with concern.

L shakes his head slowly, 'No, it's fine, it was the running that did it, I will fell better in a moment, can you hand me my painkillers please?' He asked pointing to his bedside table.

Watari moves fluidly and hands him the pills with some water. 'Here.'

L takes swallows them in one go and takes a sip of water, he might as well cut to the chase... 'Suri it seems has developed an unhealthy attachment to me; she confessed to being in love with me a few weeks ago...'He said flicking his hair out of his eyes to take another sip of water.

Watari raised his eyebrows, 'Well I can't say I am not completely surprised.' He said scratching his head.

L looks at him in confused, 'How can you say that? Surely the mere thought of it is absurd; Suri has obviously lost her mind.' He shakes his head angrily.

'Is it so hard for someone to fall in love with you? It didn't seem so for Miss Everly to do so, so why couldn't Suri also feel the same way?' He asks him calmly raising his chin a little.

L didn't think of it like that, but what he had with Lily so different, 'No, Suri doesn't love me; as I have deducted she is infatuated with me which has caused so much trouble and heartache because I don't nor have I ever reciprocated her feelings.' L says wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead.

'And you won't enlighten me on what she has done now?' Watari asks quietly.

L shakes his head, 'I don't have time Watari, not presently; I have to sort all of this now, that is why I must speak with Suri but please note that it will not be a pleasant conversation. Do not be surprised of whatever the outcome will be because knowing Suri it will be a dramatic performance.' L rolls his eyes. He couldn't wait to get this all over and done with.

Watari sighed 'I trust you judgement L, you know I do, however I can't help thinking perhaps I shouldn't have said anything about Mello's phone call...'

'I will always want to know if it regards Lily, I cannot deny how infuriated I am with Mello, it took all of my resolve to come back to the house with Lily while all the while I wanted nothing more than to punch that smug smile from his face...' He said angrily gripping his jeans.

Watari widens his eyes surprised by L's openness 'L...I am concerned, you have never acted violently towards anyone unless provoked...'

'When someone who is so precious to me is threatened in the way she was...; I call that provocation.' He said with a calmness that made Watari clear his throat a little awkwardly.

They sat in silence for a few moments; L breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the strong painkillers start to kick in relieving him of his pain a little.

'I didn't want to say anything...although I can't be sure but I believe I have just caught eye of Suri outside in the yard...'

L's eyes widened while whipping his head around to the window just catching as glimpse of Suri as she walked out of view. 'This will not end well.' He mumbled.

The moment Lily spotted Suri she was out of the car and started walking towards her, 'Oi you!' She called out, her anger plain on her face.

Suri turned around and for a moment seemed a little off guard and she watched Lily marching towards her angrily. She soon masked herself with the arrogance everyone all knew and loved. 'Oh so you're back huh? Did you find out all of L's dirty little secrets?' She smirked.

Lily stopped in front of her almost shaking with rage, 'Oh I found a lot out on my travels but the main thing I discovered was what a filthy liar and jealous whore you are.' Lily wasn't accustomed to swearing, it wasn't a common trait for her, however this was one of those moments where she felt it needed to be done.

Suri raised her eyebrows, looking at Lily with disbelief. 'Excuse me?' She asked almost snarling.

'You heard me; you're a lair and you're also an incredibly jealous and bitter woman; it also seems you have no obvious empathy towards the people you hurt who are unfortunate to get in your way. You're partly to blame for Constance's death, not L, you and that maggot Mello; you broke that girl's heart.' Lily's voice almost broke thinking of Constance.

'You stupid bitch you have no idea what you're talking about!' Suri yelled in Lily's face obviously knowing she had been caught out.

Lily didn't budge her anger and disgust for this woman outweighing any fear of getting her arsed kicked. 'I know exactly what I am talking about and so does L; we have spoken about this and before long people will finally know what a devious bitch you really are.' Lily couldn't help but smirk, she liked calling Suri a bitch; suited her well.

She watched the tick in Suri's eye and knew she had pushed her too far, she even saw the blow coming but wasn't fast enough to dodge it. Fortunately though Suri hit her face at an awkward angel on her chin which didn't hurt too badly, so Lily had time to focus herself and without thinking she full on punched Suri right back, colliding with her jaw with such force Suri stammered backwards almost falling o the ground.

Lily hissed in pain, her fist now felt it was on fire, oh shit had she broke her own hand? That was a foolish move she thought as she watched Suri right herself with a murderous glare, oh crap, she's going to kill me, on this driveway and it's going to hurt...Lily thought stepping back a little.

Suri stormed forward, 'oh you're gonna pay for that, I still owe you for the other time!' She screeched.

Lily could taste metal and realised her mouth was oozing with blood; she was going to have some more blood to clean up soon she thought...however she stood strong and ready, hoping she could dodge her.

By the power of everything that was holy she did manage to dodge Suri's punch that would have connected with her right eye by spinning herself away. However as she faced her again she got one of Suri's signature kicks right in the stomach and then she was flying across the driveway. She landed hard on her back and was immediately winded. The gravel cut and scraped along her bare arms, damn her that bloody hurt!

She started gasping for air on the ground; she started to panic as she sat up, she couldn't breathe.

Her eyes were watering as she heard the crunch of the gravel from Suri's oncoming footsteps. She shakily looked up rubbing her chest trying to get some air back in her lungs.

'Pathetic really how you thought you could take me on, you know I help train all of them right?' Suri snided as she now towered over Lily.

Lily still couldn't breathe in deeply; she started taking short but painful breathes in.

She notices Suri change her stance, it looked like she was going to kick her while she was down, shit she really was out for blood the maniac.

Lily closed her eyes, she couldn't move so what else was she supposed to do.

She flinched at the sound of heavy footsteps, grunting and shuffling before her. She snapped opened her eyes to find L standing in front of her, shielding her from Suri's onslaught.

'Suri what the hell do you think you're doing!' He yelled at her.

Suri eye's were wise with shock, Lily didn't see what happened but it looks at of L had shoved Suri out of the way before she could finish her off.

'She got in my way, she's nothing but trouble L; everything has gone to shit since you decided to keep around.' She almost sounded like a little spoilt child, ready to bring on he water works and dramatic flair.

L stepped closer to her, Lily wanted to grab onto his leg, she didn't want them fighting. Suri wasn't worth the bloody trouble.

'It's no concern of yours whom I keep around me however I do know who I don't want around me anymore.' L lowered his voice and looked at Suri with a deathly glare. Suri's eyes widened, she started shaking her head before he had said anything.

'Suri I want you gone, you have no idea the extent of pain and trouble you have issued because of your delusional feelings for me.' He said through gritted teeth, he was truly disgusted with her.

'They aren't delusional you idiot!' Suri cried her face becoming red with anger, 'I have loved you for years and I have tried to be the best friend and companion to you. I have done so much for you and Wammy's without so much as a hug from you.' Tears started streaming down her face.

Lily couldn't tell if this was a show or not. She jumped suddenly as a hand came down on her shoulder, it was Watari. He knelt down beside her, rubbing her back gently, 'Relax, it will pass, focus on your breathing, slow and steady, slow and steady.' He whispered quietly. Lily nodded and held on to his hand tightly grateful for is comfort and care.

'So cheating with Mello behind Constance's back and laughing in her face when she caught you red handed was helping was it?' L said raising his voice a little again.

Lily heard Watari gasp beside her, he didn't know? But Suri had said...wow she lied about that too.

'Is...Is that true Suri? You and Mello?' Watari asked, his usually calm and soft voice sounding now hoarse and shaken.

Suri looked at Watari then as if feeling ashamed shot her attention back to L without a word to him; she started to change tactics, 'Please L, it was a mistake, everyone makes mistakes, I never cared for Mello, I have only ever wanted you.' She pleaded.

That was obviously the wrong thing to have said as L started to shout at her again making her jump, 'That makes it all the more selfish! You knew Constance loved Mello and because you couldn't get my attention you went and got it from the most selfish person, second to you. You didn't care about Constance or what the repercussions of your actions would entail.'

Suri starts to panic, she then points and screams towards Lily, 'It's all her fault! You have known about me and Mello for years yet you said nothing, we remained close but since she stepped her foot in the door everything changed, you changed!' She was shaking now, her rage and desperation planted on her face, Lily was grateful L was in front of her otherwise the mental case would have probably gone for her again. She couldn't believe how much blame Suri was bestowing upon her..., Lily didn't blame herself but she couldn't help looking away from Suri's glaring eyes, she felt a little guilty...

'Enough Suri, this ends now, I want you to pack your things and leave, do not return here, Wammy's or any other locations Wammy's is connected with.'

'No L please!' She dramatically throws herself at him, gripping at his waist trying to embrace him but he kept his arms out in front of him.

This was getting truly difficult to watch now Lily thought, she wish she could be away from here. She detested Suri but in this moment she could see just how human, how broken and desperate she was. She had no place to say anything to L to perhaps not be so hard on her but then again this was Suri's karma; that was obvious. She had just done too many wrongs for too many years.

'Suri please, let go of me.' L exasperates and steps back out of her grasp, they were so close to Lily now, she dare not look up.

After a few moments of Suri's sniffling Watari stiffly stands up and walks in front of L standing between them both.

'Come Suri, that's enough now.' He said softly resting a hand on her shoulder.

She takes one last look at L and then shrugs off Watari's hand aggressively. 'Mello won't be happy about this; I'll make sure he gives you all hell for it. She looks down at Lily who foolishly decided to look up at the last minute and instantly regretting it. 'Especially you...' Suri points at her.

Lily narrowed her eyes at her; she doesn't look away this time. She won't back down.

Without another word Suri turns on her heel and marches off and into the house.

'I'll go and make sure she is packing her things, you won't need to see her again.' He says more to L than Lily.

'Thank you Watari and I'm sorry you had to find out that way about Constance.' L said looking ashamed.

'We will speak more of it at a later date, now give her a few moments and then I wish for the both of you to get some rest, I am going to call the doctor in, Miss Everly's injuries could be more severe than we think.'

L didn't watch Watari leave as he spun around so fast he almost lost balance. He had completely forgotten to check on Lily, he just remembered seeing red when he had seen her on the ground with Suri stalking towards her.

He quickly kneels down in front of her and tilts her head up pinching her chin. He grimaces when he noticed her bloody lips. 'Lily are you alright?' He asked while his eyes roamed her looking for any more injuries.

Lily was finally able to take deeper breaths, she was on number three already. She nods slightly, 'y...yes, she winded me, I couldn't breathe for a while but I'm feeling better now...well at least with the breathing part.' She coughed a little spluttering blood on his white shirt; she was mortified but he didn't look away from her eyes. 'Oh god! I'm sorry, she said trying to wipe it away but only making it worse by spreading the blood.

'Come on, let's get you up.' He says quickly not seeming to care about his shirt.

He picks her up by the arms, wincing as the strain was painful on his chest.

She wobbles onto her feet; he steadies her with a secure arm around her waist and takes her other hand in his as he leads her towards the house.

She felt like such a damsel in distress, but Suri had really did a number on her; she was happy though in a strange way because at least she got to hit her back a least once, however the added throbbing pain from her fist made her wonder if it had been really worth it.

L didn't say a word as he calmly got her inside the house which was deathly quiet, walked down the corridor which creaked with every lumbered footstep of theirs, turned the corner and then entered his room.

He walked her over to the bed and sat her down, she watched him shuffle towards the door and close it gently, when he turned back towards she noticed how pale he was.

'L you don't look so good, please come and sit with me for a moment? Just until you get the colour back in your cheeks. She tapped the bed with her sore hand, she didn't show how much pain that tapping had generated.

'You need that blood off your face,' He said and shuffled towards his bedside table which had been filled with a first aid kit and other medical supplies.

'L please don't worry about that, it's not even a lot, look I can wipe it off.' He didn't look while she attempted to wipe off the now dry and hardened blood from her chin and mouth.

She tutted feeling it still stuck to her skin.

She jumped back as L had suddenly leaned over her with a cotton ball pinched between his thumb and index finger, it smelt of antiseptic.

'This may sting a little. Hold still for me.' He asked calmly.

Lily smiled and nodded for him to continue, he was so stubborn and she knew he wouldn't rest until he was done seeing to her needs. She couldn't argue with him.

He dabbed the cotton ball onto her chin, she flinched from the intense sting. 'Ow...' she grumbled.

He continued dabbing, 'I told you it would sting.'

'Yeah but you can never be fully prepared for it.' She said looking away.

He sighed deeply causing her to look towards him. He shook his head; he seemed to be inwardly fighting himself.

'L? What is it?'

He stopped dabbing and pressed the cotton ball onto her chin and kept it there. He bit his lips and looked at her with solemn eyes. 'Just look at you, look what she has done to you, how she dare even touch you...' He said biting down hard on his lip.

She hated seeing him like this, 'Hey I'm okay...' She smiled and stroked his cheek.

He leant into her hand and sighed a little, he had missed her touch more than anything.

He stood up straight again, throwing the cotton piece in the bin. He looked out of the window. The sunlight causing his eyes to squint. 'I could have killed her, the rage I was feeling again almost overwhelmed me, I saw her kick you like you weren't the most important person in my life, she treated you like a punching bag...' He spoke to the window than to her, looking at his own reflection.

'Hey I have you know I dealt her a good punch of my own before that happened.' Lily smiled happily then hissed as it caused her split lip to open and sting.

'This is no time to joke Lily..., you were seriously hurt and she was going in for more, what if I have been too late?' He let his head hit against the window, he stayed in that position. 'This is why I have attempted on numerous occasions to explain to you why you should leave, forget me and forget Wammy's. The danger my world will bring to yours isn't worth it.'

'You don't think what's happening between us is worth the danger and hardships? Well I disagree; all relationships have mountains to climb and rivers to swim.' She said crossing her arms; she didn't want to get into this leaving business again.

'I can't swim...' L murmured, seeming lost in his own thoughts.

'I could teach you...I could teach you a lot of things you have been missing out on...' She smiled sweetly.

He looked at her then with heated eyes, she just realised what that sentence had insinuated.

He slowly pealed himself away from the window and walked stiffly to sit next to her on the huge bed. 'I imagine normal relationships don't have such high mountains to climb...' He says sadly looking ahead.

His was so beautiful and raw at this moment; if they both weren't injured this day could end in a very different way and she wouldn't hold back for anything or anyone.

As if reading her thought L eyes slowly looks to her first, then his head slowly follows. He strokes her face lightly with his fingertips and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

She is disappointed when he doesn't make a move to kiss her.

He leans in a little and whispers, 'Did you really punch Suri?'

She smiles instantly, 'Yes I did, I have the bruised hand to show for it.' She holds up her hand to him as if it were a trophy. He takes it slowly in his and examines it, 'it is very bruised, we will have to let the doctor examine it, to confirm it's not broken.'

'It bloody should be, I hit her so hard she almost, _almost,_ fell back on her arse.' She smirked proudly at the memory.

She was delighted to see L return her smile as he looks up at her again, 'quite the feisty one aren't we? I like this side of you...I would like to see more.' His smirk almost had her melting into a pool in the ground.

Why was he acting so...cheeky? I mean she knew he had a sense of humour, she found him hilarious with his oddities and quirks. But he was acting a little different with her now, more open, more confident somehow.

She played along, 'Oh would you now... well nothing can be done about that until this is all healed up.' She pokes at his chest lightly.

He doesn't look away from her, 'yes... I almost forgot.'

She smiled and rolled her eyes, 'well I think I should go to my room and rest up a bit until the doctor gets here. 'She made a move to get up but L grabbed her wrist. 'Stay, rest with me.' He pleased with his eyes.

She thought he would never ask. That was all she had been dreaming off since the moment he left Wammy's and now finally she could be again.


	33. Chapter 33

**Okay well...let's just say this chapter gets a little...um...heated...hehe. All I can say is finally and hopefully you will too!**

 **Enjoy and please please be so generous to leave me a review. I especially want to know what you all thought of it. ;)**

* * *

The next three weeks weren't as fun as Lily had thought they would have been. Firstly the bruising on her body still hadn't completely disappeared; it had been a nightmare to sleep so for most of the time she reluctantly told L she would have to sleep in her own bed otherwise they both would never sleep...not that he did much anyway, but still it was for the best.

Most nights she would fidget while tossing and turning thinking of him, alone in his bed and going back to him...but she had been into this routine for far too long now, it would seem obvious to him to why she would suddenly waltz back into his bedroom.

However she could feel the sexual tension between them every time they were in close proximity to one another, it was overwhelming and torturous.

Sometimes they acted like teenagers, both becoming incredibly awkward and jittery in each other's presence.

Once evening he had physically placed himself at the opposite end of the dining table to make sure he didn't accidently brush against her in anyway. She remembered a bewildered Watari looking back and forth between them, sitting on the middle of them with a confused expression. The poor man, he didn't know what to say to them when they were altogether in the same room.

Lily was just desperate to get back to normal. She wanted to be able to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him and hold him like they had done before all this nonsense with Suri and uncovering the truth about Constance.

It was as if she and L had gone around a complete circle and now they were back to square one, feeling the intense attraction but never acting upon it; Lily couldn't take this anymore.

Talking herself into it she decided to march over to his room and speak with him, ask him where they both stood and what they were going to do about it. After everything they had been through already including L's brush with death, she knew there was no time like the present, time just couldn't be wasted; if you wanted something you had to go and get it, it's not like he was going to ever make the first move again, it had to be her turn now.

Her mobile vibrated in her jean pocket the moment she literally put her hand on the handle of her bedroom door.

Lily let it ring for a moment, if it wasn't important they wouldn't ring back... The phone stopped vibrating. She smiled and opened the door when it started vibrating again.

She groaned and took it out of her pocket, she swore under her breathe when she realised it was her mother calling. She was the only person in the world who could make Lily feel fifteen again.

She aggressively pressed down on the answer button; she was in no mood for another lecture. 'Hello mother.'

* * *

The doctor had arrived finally to remove his bandages from around his chest. He couldn't wait to bathe; they had been itching like hell.

L attempted to stand up quickly off the bed as the doctor walked in.

The doctor quickly put his hand up to stop him, 'Please stay seated, no need for you get up.' He said pleasantly and walked towards him placing his heavy doctor's bag down on the bed next to him.

'How are you feeling then Ryuzaki? Any sharp pains at all?' He asked while standing over him, arms crossed.

L looked down at his feet, 'No, there is no longer any pain of that sort, sometimes I feel an ache.'

The doctor nods and opens his bag. 'That's normal then, your body is still healing but as long as there is no sharp pain we can go ahead and remove the bandages and hopefully you won't have wear them any longer.'

'That would be a relief.' L mumbles, he couldn't say it had been an easy three weeks with Lily being here, as a matter of fact it had been like hell on earth.

All he wanted to do was to touch her, to hold her close to...finish off what they had started all those weeks ago back at Wammy's in his bedroom. Every day since that moment it had been on his mind; his body was fighting against him in every way, his mind was never focused, he trembled and sometimes sweated when she was near him...sometimes when he was in bed alone he would think about...doing...something...to help...

He jumped as the doctor snipped the tape from his bandage. He looked to the floor again; he would just focus on the floor...

Feeling each layer of the bandage peel away from his skin felt amazing, he took in a deep breath when the final layer slipped down off his torso. He closed his eyes, he felt free finally.

'Alright, well everything seems to have healed perfectly.' The doctor felt where the bullet hole had entered his chest, L jumped...he doubted he would ever grow accustomed to anyone else him touching but Lily.

'It's going to leave quite the scar.' He pushed down a little on L's back to examine the exit wound, 'this one is significantly smaller and the scare is hardly noticeable.'

'I don't care, it is no significance to me whether I have scars or not.' L said starting to feel a little chilly.

The doctor chuckled a little, 'That's the spirit, so do you require any more painkillers? I could prescribe you more if you would like?'

L shook his head; he hated having to take those things in the first place, 'No thank you, I no longer require them.'

The doctor raises his eyebrows a little, obviously he was used to patients asking for more painkillers, 'Very well that's good then' He takes out his stethoscope and places the cold part on L's chest, L tenses up, it was so bloody cold. 'Okay just going to have a quick listen...' The doctor mumbles to himself.

L's eyes suddenly glance towards the hallway as hears approaching footsteps. His eyes widen with anticipation.

'Whoa, you're heart is beating a little on the fast side there...' The doctor says, 'Are you feeling alright?'

L immediately deflates as Watari steps in the room, holding a tray of tea and biscuits.

'Hmm.' The doctor cocks and eyebrow as he listens, 'Well it seems to have returned to its normal rhythm.' He pulls off the stethoscope from L's chest and puts the back into his bag. 'Does this happen often? Have you ever felt your heart beating in an erratic rhythm? Do you feel out of breath at all?' He asked looking at him seriously.

L shakes his head again and looks down, 'No, I feel fine.' He mumbles feeling embarrassed and mostly frustrated with himself; why couldn't he control his...reactions anymore? Especially when they concerned her.

L clears his throat as the doctor keeps his eyes on him, studying him. L quickly stands up standing as straight as he could so to seem perfectly fit and healthy. 'I thank you for your care doctor, for now I must excuse myself, I very much would like to take a bath.'

The doctor nods and smiles a little. Watari comes further into the room and addresses him. 'We thank you for all you have done and also for your discretion, please come into the lounge and have some tea won't you?' Watari turns to his side gesturing for the doctor to follow him.

'You're welcome and yes I suppose I could have time for a cup, thank you.' He smiles and closes his bag with a click and walk out of the room not before giving L a graceful nod which L returns as best as he could.

L closes the door gently when both the doctor and Watari had left. He starts to strip down as he walks over to his en suite throwing off his shirt and stepping out of his jeans as they fall to the floor; he turns on the hot tap of his large corner bath.

He really wasn't lying when he said he wanted a bath...he wanted to feel clean and ready for what was to come...he also wished in that moment he had something sugary to calm his nerves for what he was seizing himself up for. A little Dutch courage as they say...

* * *

Lily was lying on her bed fiddling with her hair as she listened to her mother moan and scold her for not calling her sooner.

She had been furious to hear Lily was no longer at Wammy's and became even more frantic when Lily couldn't tell her the location of where she was now.

'Lily this was not meant to be your path! You could have finished your exams by now; you could have your medical license in your hands right now if you had come home sooner.' She said furiously.

Lily huffed, 'mother I am not a child, I know what is right for me and also no one knows what their paths are; they kind of just go along with life and see what it has to offer. I know I am happy with the decision I made and for now I am content with continuing this path and see where it takes me. I might still become a doctor but just in a different area and perhaps not as quickly as we both had hoped for but things change...I don't know what the future brings, but for now I am happy living in the now. You must understand this and allow me to live out my life how I choose; please stop worrying about me.'

'But Lily I refuse to believe you are in love with him...such little time has passed, he has obviously found a way in through your wall; I know he has been the first since your last relationship to sneak into your heart, but I don't think you are ready and he is...well you know what he is, how can you possibly be with someone who is always at risk? Who will never put you first before his job and duties?'

Lily stood up suddenly angry, 'Mum you don't know if he would ever be like that with me, in fact besides from the few sessions you had with him you barely got to know him and that's it mum, you don't know him. I like that he is different, I love his mind, his way of thinking and his innocence...'

Her door suddenly swings open and bangs on the wall, Lily gasps and jumps around towards it, the sight before her was one she thought she never would see. She had to blink twice, no... three times in fact to make sure her eyes were focusing correctly.

The sight was L standing in the door way, dripping wet, a white towel wrapped low around his waist, very low...his hair seemed longer now, heavy with he weight of water. But it was his expression, his head tilted down a little so his eyes looked up at her, peeking through some of his black hair that had fallen in front of them.

His chest inflated then deflated at a rapid rate, she noticed he bandages were gone and in their place was a red scar from the bullet.

He stalked into the room and closed the door behind him, slowly turning the key to lock it without taking his eyes off her.

He flicked his hair a little and started walk towards her; he looked predatory.

Lily shivered with excitement; she had never seen him this way before, not even back at Wammy's. It seemed something had snapped in him.

Her mother however had been talking nonstop, still gnawing away at her ear. Lily wasn't even holding it to her ear anymore. All she could do was watch L with wonder as he stalked up to her. She couldn't help noticing the way he was walking towards her; he was straighter and wasn't lazily shuffling his feet on the floor. No, now his steps were deliberately heavy, his strides were wide; she had never seen anyone look so utterly delicious in that very moment.

As he reached her he gently pinched the phone from her and hung it up, Lily didn't care; she had stopped listening to her mother long before he walked in.

He stood before her, towering over her, she could feel little drips from his hair fall on her cheeks and shoulders. All she could hear was her own breathing, it was loud, she couldn't help it, but he was so silent, it was unnerving but so intense.

He looked at her lips then back to her eyes, 'I can't wait any longer.' He whispered.

She nodded eagerly, he didn't have to say anymore, she understood.

She felt his warm hands rub against her waist; his fingers tickled her skin slightly as they curled under her top and then started to pull up.

She raised her arms as he pulled off her top with one smooth move.

His eyes were still so intense, hungry almost, she leant forward and glided her tongue slowly over his lower lip, he gasped and closed his eyes for a moment.

She smiled then looked down as she felt a tug at her jeans.

Her heart started beating faster as she watched his nimble fingers unbutton her jeans and then slowly pull her zip down.

He slowly leans in and places his lips on her in a tentative kiss that seemed out of place considering how intense he looked, but she felt he deliberately taking his time, either out of shyness or that he wanted to savour the moment.

Either way Lily couldn't hold back and deepened the kiss, pushing her tongue into his hot mouth.

'Ah...Lily...' He whispered between their kisses. She could feel and hear him start to lose himself as he took control of her mouth with fierce and deep kisses.

He wraps his arms around her, going for her bra. Her eyes widened when she felt it spring open, she smiled and faced him, 'impressive.' She mused. He shrugs, raising his eyebrows nonchalantly, 'I don't know what all the fuss is about.' He smirks slightly.

Her laugh was cut short as he places his mouth around her nipple, she gasped gripping onto his hair, he just kept surprising her.

'Mmm, L your mouth.' She moans as he switches to suck and kiss her other nipple while massaging the first with his other hand. His hair was cold while his mouth and tongue were hot; the contrast felt amazing against her skin.

He groaned against her, his lips were so soft and his tongue...it felt like he had done this before; his mouth tongue seemed too skilful for a first timer...perhaps he was just a bloody quick learner she thought.

He meets her lips again, their breaths hot from arousal. He begins to walk with her slowly back towards the bed. He breaks their kiss, 'Sit.' He growls, they were both still panting from the kiss.

She does immediately and watches him kneel in front of her. He flicks his hair from his eyes causing water to flicker onto her stomach, she gasps and giggles.

He smiles playfully...my god that smile she thought, she could probably climax from that smile alone.

He grips the top of her jeans and starts to pull them down. She flings herself back and lifts herself up helping him peel them away from her body.

She knew he probably wouldn't care but she was happy she decided to wear matching red lingerie today... seemed she must of felt something was going to happen...

He threw her jeans over his shoulder; she sat up and ran her hands through his damp hair, bringing him closer, wanting him on top of her, his semi naked body needed to be on her now.

He rubbed her thighs, watching his own fingers massage them gently then he looked up at her, biting his lip. She moaned from that sight alone and leant in to kiss him.

He deepened the kiss first this time, massaging his tongue with hers; he had really got the hang of kissing she thought, she could feel herself heat up between her thighs, she was already prepared for him, she squirmed and squeezed her thighs together, the ache between them was immense.

His hands grip onto her knees and then he starts to pull them open, she didn't resist.

She gasps in his mouth, his hands were strong, she loved the way he took control.

He licks her lip as she done earlier to him, she whimpers; L was a natural born tease it seemed.

With a ragged voice he speaks up, their lips touching still, 'I...I want...' He stumbles on his words, he was panting like an animal.

'What? What do you want? Tell me.' She whispers kissing his jaw line and neck causing him to groan.

She snaps open her eyes when feels a hand stroke down and then in between her thighs, he stops just before he touches what lies between.

'Lily, I want to touch you' He whispers now kissing her neck.

She bites her lip, his kisses were causing her to shiver and tremble, she was so wet between her thighs...she wondered if he knew anything about what went on down there and what he was doing to her!

'Yes Lawliet, touch me.' She whispers in his ear.

With a shaky breath he takes her lips again. She feels his trembling fingers finally delve down into her panties slowly.

Her hips jolt into his finger as he feels his way around inside. She whimpers; he was going to torture her at this rate.

He gasps and pulls away from her, his eyes wide with wonder. With one quick kiss on her lips he focuses down between her thighs. He wanted to give her pleasure, he had thought of nothing else since he first kissed her. She had always been on his mind...

Lily suddenly feels very vulnerable and for a split second she starts to feel the all too familiar wall starting to build itself up, she never allowed her other lover to touch her or to look at her for so long before, but then again she was never in love with them.

She relaxed when she caught eye of L's expression, it was filled with lust and wonder; she couldn't believe she had him, this stunningly beautiful and mysterious man kneeling in-between her legs, touching her, she almost chuckled in disbelief. She had never felt so blessed.

'Oh...you're so...soft...' He whispers in awe, he couldn't believe how she felt under his finger.

She smiled, he sounded so innocent which was quite ironic given what he was doing. She wanted him to take his time, even though she was desperate to make love with him, but this was his first time with everything, and she wanted him to enjoy every minute.

He continued stroking her, biting his lip when she suddenly trembled and groaned loudly, it seemed she had a sensitive spot in the middle...here...

She moaned even more as he focused on the sweet spot her body had revealed to him. His mouth watered suddenly with a thought...

He thought back when he overheard Kenzo speaking with Mello about how he had just pleasured a woman using his mouth...they had laughed and joked and of course exchanged some vulgar comments about it, but since overhearing that conversation L had always been fascinated by it. It sounded so primal, so animalistic, he wasn't even aware people did these things with their mouths...but now watching Lily squirm under his finger in all her beauty and vulnerability he could finally understand the allure of it.

He removed his finger from her pulled down her panties quickly and again threw them over his shoulder.

Lily giggled and sat up a little, 'L...?' She was cut off as he disappeared between her thighs. Her mouth fell open as she felt his hot mouth replace where his finger had been.

'Oh my god L!' She yelled and slumped back onto the bed. She dug her fingers in his thick hair. She couldn't believe what he was doing!

He had no idea what he doing but as soon as he tasted her he felt himself falling into what can only be described as a trance.

She tasted sweet and he loved the feel of her against his lips, tongue and teeth. He started to experiment, even now in the middle of this erotic act he wanted to investigate; he wanted to find out what he could do to make her moan the loudest.

It seemed this act had made her loose all insecurities about herself as she dug and pulled at his hair which he unexpectedly enjoyed, he loved hearing and feeling how excited she was.

She made different sounds he found as he experimented using is tongue, his lips to kiss and even his teeth. He the sucked on the sweet spot he had discovered earlier and was surprised by her reaction.

Her hips thrusted into his mouth, her nails dug deeper into his hair. But it was the sounds she was producing that made him groan himself. Her whimpers her cries and moans; they almost sounded as if she were in pain. All these noises were sending him now into frenzy; he continued suckling on her, changing the pressure ever so often.

Oh fuck! How the hell did he know how to do this? This was amazing. She couldn't keep her body still, the pleasure...she had never felt anything like this. He was so attentive to pleasuring her, he didn't care about himself, it was all about her and experiencing her body.

She cried and moaned forgetting about Watari in the house. She suddenly felt the burning sensation of her climax surfacing; she tried to pull away from him not wanting to finish yet, not before he had a taster...but as she went to move away he held onto her thighs and pulled her back down to him.

'L oh god...I'm going to come if you keep this up!' She cried out burying her nails into his hair once more, she couldn't escape from his vice-like grip. She loved hearing him groan, the vibrations from his voice were just adding to the overwhelming pleasure he was giving her.

He started suckling harder again, it only took a few seconds for her to yell out and arch her back as her climax hit her suddenly causing her to convulse and shake.

That noise she made was breathtaking, he wasn't sure but as he felt her body tense and shake under his mouth he hoped he had given her release...he at least knew about that and how pleasurable it was said to be...

He licked his lips and slowly crawled on top of her. He smiled feeling a sense of satisfaction when he saw her.

She was breathing hard, her chest falling up and down quickly; she shook her head from side to side and then slowly lifted herself up.

He wanted to say something clever but she was kissing him before he could say a word. She then rolled herself over, pushing him back onto the bed so that now she was on top of him.

She quickly untied his towel revealing his body to her.

He gasped loudly as he felt her hand grip him and started to stroke him up and down.

With a strangled voice he yelled, 'Oh Lily! ah.' He clenched his eyes shut; he could barely stand this pleasure.

However he suddenly rolled her back down, pinning her under him, she squealed but then looked confused. 'No L, it's your turn, let me...' She glided her hand downwards wanting to touch him again. He shook his head and gripped her wrist bringing it up over her head. 'No, I want to make love to you now, I need too Lily...' He looked at her, he wanted this now, he didn't care about his turn; he wanted to be connected with her.

She nodded and smiled, pulling him down for another kiss.

He ground himself against her; she opened her legs for him and bent them up.

He broke the kiss, panting again, 'What of protection?' He asked through laboured breaths.

'Its fine, I'm on a green day.'

He frowned, 'Green day?

'I'll explain it to you after.'

He nodded. 'I've wanted this for so long...' He admitted resting his forehead against hers.

'Me too...' She smiled and kissed him lightly.

He suddenly stilled and looked nervous and shy, 'I don't...I don't know exactly how to do this...' He said whispering.

She smiled lovingly at him, with her free hand she gripped him; he gasped not expecting it. She guided him to her opening, 'Here.' She said kissing him again.

He nodded and slowly pushed.

She moaned, 'Yes, that's it keep going...' She freed her other hand and gripped onto his shoulders.

He pushed through her folds; his ragged breath was something she wanted to hear over and over again. 'Oh...Lily,' She loved watching his face; he looked as if he were in anguish. 'I don't have words...' He gasped.

He held himself there inside her, kissing her madly as if life deepened on it. He hooked his arms under her; their bodies were as close as they could be. Still Lily didn't feel close enough. She couldn't believe this was happening at last.

Still kissing her he slowly pulled back and then carefully thrust back into her.

The pleasure was overwhelming making him break the kiss and release another ragged breath. How could he move when the pleasure he was feeling almost had him blacking out?

He hitched in a breath when he felt Lily start to thrust her hips forward, causing him to plunge back into her without him even moving. He started to shake, his entire body was trembling. He leant his head against hers again, kissing her when he could catch his breath. 'Oh Lily...I feel...it feels...' He wasn't even able to speak.

'I know.' She whispers beginning to moan herself.

He gripped onto her tighter and took over thrusting deep within her causing her to tilt her head up, gasping. 'Oh god yes...'

He began increasing his speed, watching her intensely; he was fascinated with her expressions of pleasure.

He felt amazing to her; he seemed to fit perfectly inside her. She was so overwhelmed with the realisation that L was making love to her in the most incredible way. The way he looked at her, studying her, watching her with his intense eyes and gorgeous face. The way he leant in to kiss her fiercely then breaking their kiss to thrust harder deeply.

'I love you Lily.' He rasped in her ear, he was thrusting faster and harder now, finding the perfect rhythm.

She moaned trying to form words, 'I love you too Lawleit.' She dug her nails into his back.

He growled and clenched his teeth and eyes as he reached his own climax and released himself inside her. His yell was loud, she loved how loud he was in bed, it certainly was a change to what he was like normally.

'Lily...that...oh god' He whispered in her ear as he waited for is body to stop convulsing from his climax; it took him few moments to calm himself down.

He didn't say anything but took her lips again in a smouldering and loving kiss. It felt like he was claiming her... he was so intense but natural. It was the most intimate and loving sex she had ever had. She truly had never felt so loved.

He rubbed his cheek against hers; he didn't want to remove himself from her yet. He kissed her lightly. He smiled down at her. 'That was...I can't believe I don't have the words to describe it...' He laughed a little melting her.

'Sometimes words just aren't enough.' She giggled.

He shook his head in disbelief, 'Lily you have given me more than you could ever imagine by loving me.' He declared softly.

Lily immediately felt her eyes sting with tears, 'L, I don't know what to say.'

He smiled that gorgeous smile she loved, 'You know what I want to hear, call me greedy but I never tire of hearing it.'

She smiled, 'I love you L. Lawliet.'

He blushed lightly, he kissed her again, both falling asleep a few moments after, never allowing each other out of their arms.


	34. Chapter 34

He could smell blood in the dark again. Not here, not again. These weren't dreams, they were too real, too vivid, he wasn't a lucid dreamer, never had been so he knew this wasn't a dream.

And now the smell of fresh bloody invaded his nostrils. He squinted his eyes trying to focus on anything within the thick shroud of darkness but he couldn't see a thing.

He was on his knees, he attempted to stand but fell back again heavily onto them as he found his hands were pulled down.

They were cuffed onto thick, heavy chains...; not again he thought.

His head snapped up as a scream pierced through his ears, he started shaking, the scream was female; she sounded in so much pain.

'Where are you?' He yelled out into the inky blackness.

The scream continued, it sent his blood cold, it was horrific. He started to panic and pulled painfully against his chains, of course they wouldn't budge.

A bloody curdling laugh surrounded him and then a spotlight shone in front of him he froze at the sickening scene before him.

A bloodied Lily was strapped onto a wooden chair, her hair hung down, stuck to her face with blood, her clothes were torn revealing her body. She had cuts and bruises all over her.

'No...Lily.' He whispered in shock, he clenched his body and screamed her name again... 'Lily!' He began pulling against is chains again desperate to reach her.

SHS then appeared at the side of her and heavily slammed a hand down on her shoulder.

L gritted his teeth. 'Take you hand off of her!' He spat out still pulling on his chains, the cuffs digging into his hands drawing blood.

SHS laughed at him then takes a blade and holds it against Lily's chest. 'You won't save her...she is doomed like everyone you come into contact with, but this one, because she loves you, she will suffer the most..' SHS hissed then slid the blade slowly over her chest slicing her.

L screamed drowning out Lily's screams of agony, he pulled so hard on the cuff he started to dislocate his thumb, he didn't care about the pain or the blood, he had to reach Lily.

Her head slumped down as SHS took the blade away and licked it.

'I'll kill you...' L seethed, his entire body trembling with fury and agony.

SHS laughed again then his face began to morph, L's eyes widened as SHS had now morphed into Light the Shinigami.

He flew towards L, stopping inches in front f his face he gurgled a laugh, 'look at you L! The L I knew never showed emotions like this...so open...so in love...' He mocked.

Light slashed his claws against L's face, blood started dripping down his cheeks. He gripped onto L's hair and leant in, his foul smell was a mix of blood and a decaying corpse. L gagged from it.

'When he's done with her I'll come for you.' He laughed into L's ear then with a swoop of his black wings he flew upwards taking Lily with him.

'No Lily!' L screamed. He watched in horror as a waterfall of blood started splattering in front of him as it fell from the blackness above, it pooled around him; soaking his jeans.

He knew it was her blood...then suddenly her body smashed on the floor in front of his eyes, her face rolled to its side facing him, her eyes wide with terror, she was dead.

* * *

As L awoke he shot out of Lily's bed, stumbling around in the darkness. He didn't scream, but instead heaved in air, he felt like he had stopped breathing.

He leant onto the door of the room, clutching at is chest, attempting to take in deep breathes which he found difficult as was he also fighting back his sobs.

He wiped his tears aggressively from his eyes, the image of Lily dead still very much in his mind.

He didn't know how long he stood there for, focusing on his breathing, then as his body began to calm he gazed over to Lily in bed. She wasn't moving.

He quickly walked towards the bed and softly knelt onto it, watching her, waiting for her to move and almost cried out with relief and she turned towards him, still peacefully asleep.

He stroked her hair lightly with trembling fingers then stopped as he rubbed his hand and flinched. It really hurt, as if it was bruised. He wiggled his thumb, it wasn't broken but the entire movement was very painful that he couldn't move it for long.

They are becoming stronger these night terrors he thought; _he_ is becoming stronger. They weren't dreams; he knew that, he could feel it. Light was haunting him; he had no idea why and couldn't understand how it was possible without himself being in possession of a death note. But Light was becoming stronger and L had no idea how to stop him.

He watched Lily for a while longer; her presence alone aided him greatly to calm himself enough to focus on what to do.

His mind flashed back to the night terror, Light hadn't revealed himself at first, instead he had disguised himself as SHS. Light had threatened that it would be SHS who would...end Lily and then Light himself would come for him. Could Light be waiting for SHS to kill Lily before he can then kill him?

L knew it was somewhat pointless to attempt to understand the monster Light had become. However if L was correct and that was what Light had implied then L would have to stop SHS before he can get to Lily, this had always on been on L's mind but now, after this, he had to focus all his energy on tracking that monster down, Lily's life depended on it, more now than ever before.

* * *

Lily awoke to the sound of a telephone ringing. She cracked her eyes open and stiffly lifted her head from her pillow. It was coming from outside the room. She let her head fall back, relived it wasn't her mother calling...However she had better call her back at some point; there was no harm in allowing her mother to calm down a little more though.

She stretched and patted down beside her. When she felt the cold, empty sheet where L had been she sat up suddenly. He was gone...wow, she didn't like that feeling at all, not after the wonderful time they had together...she blushed thinking back to it and smiled. He had been wonderful, her body was still buzzing from having him inside her.

She swung her legs out of the bed and thought for a moment. L was an insomniac so she couldn't expect him to sleep with her the entire night, besides it had hardly been late when he had thrown that door open and gave her the most amazing time of her life.

She swooned like a teenager, just thinking about his eyes, and his dripping wet body in that towel, his hair all damp and shiny... Okay that's enough she scolded herself, at this rate she would have find him and pull him back for another round.

She knew she needed a shower but was reluctant to wash away his scent...yeah that wouldn't be too pleasant for Watari she thought...

Oh damn Watari, she prayed he hadn't been anywhere near her room when all that was going on, she wouldn't be able to look at him again, especially when he always treated in such a professional and kind manner.

She shook the disturbing thought from her mind and walked over door only now noticing a piece of paper had been stuck to it with tape.

It read in beautiful scrawled handwriting, _Open the door, this will help you regain some of energy back. L._

She smirked and opened the door straight away. She found a beautiful silver tray at her feet; on top of it was a plate with a sliver lid, freshly squeezed orange juice, a banana, a slice of water melon and a red rose in a dainty blue vase.

She knelt down and lifted the lid off the plate, her smiled widened as two chocolate éclairs sat on it, they looked delicious.

Bloody hell, how much does he think I can eat? She thought as she lifted up the tray and brought in her room quickly remembering she was still naked.

He obviously knew her well enough as she polished the entire thing unashamed. She patted her fully belly in the shower happily. I am going to get as bad as L she thought. She couldn't allow that to happen as he was obviously one of the luckiest people in the world. Eating so much sugar and junk and not gaining an ounce of weight; he's obviously a wizard she giggled to herself.

When she had finally washed, dried herself and then dressed in a summer, emerald dress she walked out into the hallway, she couldn't wait to see L. She had missed him and had hoped he would have snuck in with her in the shower.

Smiling to herself with this thought she walked into the main lounge room and gasped suddenly.

A group of men in smart uniforms were huddled around L who was squatting in his usual position in an armchair, nibbling away at his thumb with his eyes fixed onto three laptops that had been placed on the coffee table in front of him.

Watari who had been standing directly behind L noticed her first, 'Ah Miss Everly you have joined us.' He said smiling at her charmingly.

Almost all of the men's heads turned in unison to look at her. She blushed furiously, thanks Watari she thought. L however didn't look up at her; he was too fixated on his screens.

Watari broke away from the group and walked towards Lily and stood next to her addressing the room, 'This is Miss Everly of whom I was speaking about earlier, our personal psychiatrist.'

Her blush still hadn't faded from her cheeks, she didn't want to protest at the title Watari had given her, but she couldn't help feeling like a failure, she wasn't acting like much of a doctor currently, she even abandoned the children who needed her back at Watari's...but then things did get complicated.

All the men who had been seated stood up and nodded. Then a very handsome man with jet back hair like L's walked towards her smiling happily. He held out his hand for her to take which she did with a smile, 'Hello, pleasure to meet you, I am Matsuda.'

'It's lovely to meet you too, I'm Lily.' She said shaking his hand.

Just then L started to speak, again not looking away from his screens, 'Matsuda worked with me during the Kira case, he saved my life.'

Matsuda rubbed his neck a little embarrassed, 'Well I helped...'

'Don't be so modest, if it weren't for you taking that shot that took Kira down I would have been dead.' L continued.

Lily couldn't control her urge of gratitude and hugged Matsuda. L looked up then, his eyes wide.

'Thank you.' She whispered and then released a now very red Matsuda.

'I'm sorry about that, but I am so truly grateful to you.' She smiled feeling a little embarrassed now herself.

'Well you're welcome.' Matsuda smiled.

'SO...what is going on here then?' Lily asked trying to sway the attention onto something else quickly.

L watched Lily walk with Matsuda towards them; he didn't feel good at all.

'Well after L had called us to come and assist him with tracking down SHS we set up these monitors surrounding the last areas SHS was spotted.'

'Oh...have you tracked him down then? Weren't the police in London chasing him down already?' She asked looking towards L who had returned his gaze onto the screens.

'The police are out of their depth.' L stated. 'I cannot wait for them any longer.'

'The London police had been attempting to keep us all in the dark, thinking they can handle someone like SHS themselves, they have no idea who they are dealing with.' Another agent spoke up watching the screens over L's shoulder.

Lily nodded, she didn't want to be in the way, they were obviously very busy and the room was tense, 'I am going to make some tea, would you all like some?'

Most of the agents smiled and nodded a yes and please, some asked for coffee and L of course didn't answer.

'Oh Miss Everly please don't trouble yourself so, I would be more than happy to.' Watari said as he followed her towards the kitchen.

She turned to him and smiled, 'No please allow me Watari I want too.'

He seemed to understand her urgency to exit the room and so he nodded politely and took his place behind L once again.

Lily rushed into the kitchen and shut the door behind her. She took in a breath, just hearing about SHS again sent her entire body into a panic; she had wanted to forget about him...she had wanted to imagine everything concerning him had just been a bad dream, but walking into that scene this morning had been a hard smack of reality.

She leant onto one of the kitchen counters and noticed a huge bowl of...cream?

She dipped her finger in and tasted it, it tasted lovely and sweet. She could taste it wasn't diary from it light and fluffy texture, but it was really good, better than the real thing. She took another dollop and placed it in her mouth.

'I thought I was the only one who ate cream like that from a bowl.' L's voice came from behind her.

She jumped and turned around clutching her chest. 'Jesus L...you bloody ninja.' She breathed.

He didn't smile; he looked ever so serious as he walked towards her. 'Did you enjoy your breakfast?' He asked quietly.

She smiled, 'yes, it was delicious, very sweet, I ate everything.' She snorted a little.

The tiniest smirk appeared on his face as he nodded, 'I'm happy to hear it; it was my first attempt making the éclairs without cooks assistance.'

Her mouth dropped a little, 'You made those?' She asked surprised.

He nodded slowly and stretched passed her dipping his finger into the cream and began licking it slowly off from his finger, did he realise how ridiculously sexy that was?

Lily cleared her throat, she smirked while watching him, he didn't seem to notice the flash in her eyes.

'Lily...why did you embrace Matsuda?' He asked finally sucking the end of his finger with the last bit of cream on.

Lily was slightly taken back by the question as her mind was on something else completely different. 'Oh...well I was so overwhelmed with gratitude towards him for saving your life as you said.'

He looked away to the side, 'I see...'

'Wait...are you...are you jealous?' She teased.

He quickly scratched the back of his head, he cheeks becoming a little flushed. 'No...It was just a question because it struck me as odd, embracing someone you have only just met...' He said almost sulkily.

'You are jealous!' She giggled and poked him in the side causing him to flinch.

He grunted and fought to keep his composure, 'No I'm not...but I cannot say it was a pleasing to me, especially when he was the one to get a hug before me...'

'Oh L, how utterly adorable can you get?' She gleamed up at him and pecked him on his lips.

He shrugged, 'I am not one to hold the truth...not when it concerns you.'

'I can't tell you how much I appreciate that, truly, and please expect the same from me.'

He nodded; she could tell he wanted another kiss from the way his eyes drifted down to her lips. She smiled and leaned back dipping her finger back into the cream. She then slowly brought her finger to her lips and slowly sucked it off her finger.

L's eyes flashed then as he watched her mouth and tongue swirl around her finger.

She pulled him in for a hard passionate kiss, massaging their tongues together while both sharing the sweet cream. She loved the noises their mouth made as they kissed and sucked up the cream.

He groaned gripping onto her waist. When the cream was gone he broke the kiss, 'I've been waiting all morning to kiss you again.' He breathed against her mouth.

'Me too, I wanted another session this morning, you can imagine my disappointment when I found you were gone.'

'I have to protect you Lily...' He rasped out.

'I know, thank you.' She whispered kissing his neck causing him to tremble.

She leant back and dipped her finger once again into the cream. He leant back and watched her again bring her finger to her mouth.

This time he gripped her wrist tightly. He smirked and slowly put her finger in his mouth. She gasped his hot mouth and tongue felt amazing. She loved this side to him, he was a tease, and she believed he knew it too.

His eyes were penetrating hers, she trembled and inwardly moaned thinking back to how that talented mouth of his made her feel when he was in-between her legs...

He kissed her again, harder this time, it was a scorching kiss. They grabbed each other, wanting and needing each other again.

They were lovers now, so of course the period starts where you can't keep your hands off another, they have no boundaries, they can touch each other everywhere, anytime, experience each other's bodies, always be welcomed by the other person. So it meant no holding back.

L made fast work of that as he lifted Lily up onto the counter, dipping his finger in cream and sliding it into her mouth again kissing her madly.

She almost could feel her body humming, wanting him inside her again. Especially with he noises he was making, his delicious groans, moans and whimpers. He was driving her mad she almost went in for his zipper.

He broke the kiss for air, breathing hard, 'Lily I want you right now.' He pushed up her dress.

She gasped and giggled, 'no L...we can't anybody could come in, they will hear us.' She said sounding already defeated.

He gripped onto her thighs and sighed; he buried his face in her chest and breathed her in.

She tried calming down herself while burying her hands in his thick mop of hair. 'You cannot understand how much I want you too.' She mumbled into his hair.

He gripped her thighs again and looked up at her, 'What have you done to me Lily?' He asked almost painfully. For a moment she couldn't tell if the question was serious or not.

'I cannot control myself around you, I haven't for a long time but now, after last night, I am feeling even more unhinged. I can't concentrate when you are near me, I have to look at you, touch you, kiss you...your very presence takes me from whatever I am doing and then all I can see, all I know is you.' He sighs again and kisses her needing the connection.

His words should have made her heart fill with joy but they didn't. She heard his fraustration and his confusion; she was such a major distraction to him, so much so he couldn't even concentrate on what he was best at. She would not be the reason L couldn't do what he was born to do, she wouldn't stop him being L.

She broke the kiss and held onto his face, they stared at each for a few seconds. His eyes become hooded as he leant in again seeking her lips, he was tenacious.

She leant back, 'I will not be the reason you cannot do your job, so you must to allow me not be in your way, I will keep my distance while you work.' She stated calmly.

He went to object but she put her fingers to his lips to hush him, 'No arguments, we have every night or whenever you need a break to be together, but you must do what you have to do, I am here so there is no need for you to worry alright?'

He looked down, rubbing her thighs in thought. 'I will take regular breaks...' He mumbled.

She laughed a little shaking her head. 'Take breaks when you need breaks, not just to come to me.'

'Why else would I need a break? You're the only reason I would take one.'

There was not arguing with him so she just smiled allowed him to kiss her again.

Things started to become heated again when they heard a slight knock at the door.

L stepped back quickly pulling down her dress, then she hopped off the counter and straightened herself out.

'Yes?' She called out cheerily.

Matsuda slowly opened the door and peaked in shyly.

L was back eating the cream from the bowl; Lily smiled towards Matsuda, hoping she didn't look too flushed.

'Um sorry to interrupt but we have spotted him L, on your word we can move our guys in.'

Lily gasped and locked at L who had turned around, cream covering his mouth. He certainly didn't seem like a genius detective from this look...

Matsuda didn't seem fazed, he had worked with him before so surely he was used to L's odd antics.

'Thank you Matsuda I'll be right there.'

* * *

SHS grinned to himself as he took a seat on a park bench, crossed his legs and leant back staring straight into the security camera he knew L was watching him through.

He smiled and waved at it mockingly.

He wasn't there long, perhaps ten minutes when he heard sirens coming towards him.

Everything was going as it should he thought to himself.

This all confirmed it to him that L had survived the gunshot and the bastard was already back to work and hot on his heels. Well L didn't know everything and unbeknown to the young detective he was about to get a shock of a lifetime.

Three police cars pulled up. He stood up still smirking. 'Hands over your head now!' One of the officers yelled at him.

He did as he was told and allowed them to handcuff him and lead him away into a police car; all the while he didn't say a word, he only smirked.

* * *

L knew something was wrong, while everyone around him celebrated he sat, squatting on his armchair, pondering why SHS would allow himself to be captured, he was obviously planning something but what?

Lily wanting to keep her distance stood on the other side of the room, listening to everything that was going on.

L hushes everyone as he pressed a button on his laptop and spoke, his voice hidden by the artificial voice he always used when speaking to the police or anyone else who didn't know him personally.

'Sergeant, this is L. Can I have a visual of SHS to clarify you have apprehended him and now have him detained?'

The sergeant's angry voice spoke through L's computer, 'Such insolence, why do I have to prove anything to you now? He is in our charge now; this has nothing to do with you L.'

'SHS has already escaped you're so call charge before and I have been the main subject of his attacks, so I believe it has a great deal to do with me and I know I am the only one he will speak to. So if you wish to get anything out of him you will allow me to come and question him myself.' L said with a calmness Lily hadn't seen for a while. He was focused and he was doing what he did best.

The sergeant didn't reply at first, everyone waited patiently for his answer. He finally started speaking again after a few tense moments. 'You will have ten minutes, so you better get your arse down here.'

'It's unwise to reveal my identity so I'm afraid going to the police station in simply out f the question. I will question him from here, all you need to do is connect me to another computer to speak through to him, and I'd rather not used phones as they can be easily tracked.' He said calmly.

'What do you think this is? We don't work for you L, either you come here yourself or you can forget questioning him.' The sergeant barked back to him.

L sighed, why did police always make things so difficult?

Watari walked over to stand beside L, 'I will go, you can speak through my laptop.'

L was reluctant to allow Watari to be in such close proximity to SHS. It wasn't because he didn't trust his friend, no as he has done this for L a lot of times before. It's just L knew SHS was unpredictable and this whole thing suddenly seemed too easy. It had taken months and him almost dying to apprehend him and then all of sudden he just gives himself up? No, he knew SHS had other plans and he didn't like it at all.

But he knew SHS had to be questioned somehow, 'Thank you Watari, it wasn't my first choice but it seems we don't have any other cards to play.'

'It's alright; I'll leave now so they won't have anything to complain about.' Watari tapped L lightly on the shoulder and walked out of the room.

Lily didn't like the idea of Watari going at all but she stayed quiet, she didn't have a say in any of this.

As L prepared himself to question SHS while finishing off his tense conversation with the reluctant sergeant Lily slipped herself away and walked to her room.

She thought she should get her mind off everything, this was all too stressful. She took out her phone and was about to dial her mums number the phone began vibrating in her hands.

It was a withheld number, but she answered it anyway. 'Hello?'

She could hear sniffling in the background before a voice she recognised starting speaking. 'Lily?' He sounded sad...

She took a moment for her mind to recognise the voice...'Soot?'

'We need you to come back to Wammy's it's Evie.' He said pleadingly.

'Why what's wrong? What happened?' She asked worried.

'I don't know what's wrong, she's really upset, she won't stop crying and she won't talk to anyone...not even me.' He said sadly. Lily knew Soot liked Evie; they were very close so she could empathise with how he must be feeling.

'Okay, well do you think she will talk to me on the phone?' She asked calmly. She didn't want to leave L alone now, not when all this was happening with SHS. Although he would probably do better without her here distracting him.

She listened to the muffling sounds of Soot moving, she could hear him asking Eve if she wanted to speak with her on the phone calmly. He sighed and started speaking again to Lily, 'She won't talk on the phone, you need to come here, I'm really worried and she won't let me tell Roger.' He sounded so worried and childlike in that moment, he was obviously panicking.

'Okay, it okay I'll be on my way shortly. Just keep her warm, rub her back, make her feel safe and perhaps try and get her to eat or at least drink something. I'll be there soon Soot, don't worry.

'Thank you Lily.'

* * *

Lily couldn't help feeling guilty not only about poor Soot and Eve, but also about abandoning L once again. Of course this time was under different circumstances; but she had to go, she had to try and help Eve.

She had debated with herself while she walked along the corridor, should she tell him? Or should she just slip away unnoticed? This wasn't the right time to have him worry about her, perhaps he wouldn't; perhaps he would be just fine with her leaving. However what if he wasn't? What if knowing about her leaving to go back to Wammy's alone with Mello and possibly Suri there distracted him. He needed to focus now...she couldn't tell him. She might even return before he even notices she's gone.

She nodded to herself; she had made up her mind.

She managed to sneak out of the rear doors and walk around to the yard. 'Shit' she muttered. Watari has taken the car along with the driver.

She sighed, what she was going to do now? She had told Soot she was coming.

She walked around the front of the house and noticed Matsuda leaning against the bonnet of a car looking into the distance, seeming lost in his thoughts.

'Hey Matsuda.' Lily greeted.

He turned and smiled warmly, 'Hey Lily, are you going somewhere?' He asked curiously.

'Yeah, well I have to go back to Wammy's, one of the kids asked for a session with me. But I completely forgot Watari would have to take the car to the police station. So I'm a little buggered.' She rubbed her forehead in frustration.

'Oh well I don't mind driving you back, although I will have to return here as soon as I have dropped you off.'

She smiled, 'Really? Oh Matsuda you angel, thank you!'

He blushed a little, 'Sure no problem, you ready now then?'

'Yeah I'm ready, thank you.'

They both got into the car Matsuda had been leaning against, it smelt like new.

He turned on the engine. 'Uh, does L know your leaving?' He asked quietly.

'No, he doesn't need any more distractions, I'm sure he won't even notice I'm gone; I will probably be back before he comes looking for me...if he does at all.' She laughed a little nervously.

Matsuda nodded, 'so...you and L...are?' He didn't know how to ask, it was something he never pictured happening, L being with someone? As in having relations with someone else...he just couldn't picture it.

Lily blushed and looked out the window as they drove off, 'Yeah L and I are together.' She smiled sadly, hating leaving him like this again without his knowing. Although she did leave a little note on her bed if he did come looking for her...she didn't want to think it, but she felt L would notice her absence eventually, hopefully it would take him a little longer than she thought.

* * *

 **Thank you again to all my wonderful readers! things are starting to all come at once now! Everything is very hectic. There are a lot more twist and turns coming, so I am hoping you are all enjoying where the story is going fo far! :D**

 **Again please leave reviews and thank you to everyone who have left reviews already! I truly apprcieate it. X**


	35. Chapter 35

'It's just down this long country road I think...yeah I'm pretty sure it's this one.' She said biting her finger nail anxiously. She was never brilliant with directions.

'We should have asked for the postcode first...' Matsuda was hoping to god Lily's directions were correct, otherwise they could end up lost in England's countryside for hours.

'I told you I couldn't ask L as I didn't want to bother him with this and Watari had already left...even so I doubt they would have told us, Wammy's is a place of sanctuary for the kids.'

'Yeah I guess. I've always wanted to see Wammy's after hearing L and Watari speak about it. L hardly said anything about it actually it was mostly Watari, but I remember L talking about a clock tower.' Matsuda remembered fondly.

'Clock tower?' He must mean where his room was...it was up one of the towers that Wammy's had...; Mello had the other one. She frowned thinking of Mello; she prayed she wouldn't bump into him, Suri or Kenzo for that matter. She just wanted to be there for Eve and Soot.

'Well you can come in and have a look around when you drop me off if you wish, I am sure Bertram their butler won't mind, or the kids if you tell them you're one of L's friends.'

'That would be awesome, but I don't think L thinks of me as one of his friends...' He said a little sadly.

Lily turned her head and looked at him, 'Why not? You have been through so much together and you saved his life; would you not call L a friend?' She knew L was not the friendly type, but something had struck her when he introduced Matsuda. It was only slight but she could have sworn his voice had become softer as he said his name, there was also the fact he had revealed how Matsuda had saved his life so openly, he didn't have to do that.

'Sure I see L as a very good friend actually, I just wish the guy opened up a bit more you know? I didn't hear a word from him after the Kira case was over, he just disappeared without a trace, didn't even say a proper goodbye.'

Matsuda was so sensitive; it was lovely to find another adult human being who was as fond of L as she and Watari were.

She smiled, 'I'm sure you understand by now how socially awkward he can be and I think he finds goodbyes the most awkward thing of all.'

'Ha, is that why you also didn't want to say goodbye to him earlier?'

She chuckled lightly, 'Yeah I guess so, he doesn't deal with goodbyes very well...oh turn here, I think this is the road.' She bit her nails again, please be right road she thought to herself.

* * *

L dunked in three heaped teaspoons of sugar into his tea. He then picked up the agave nectar and squirted a few drops of that as well. It's better than having more sugar he thought to himself. He knew Lily would still scold him though...wait Lily?

He looked up and was taken back a little to find he was the only one left in the living room. He looked out of the window and noticed a car was missing. Had he asked everyone to leave the room? He couldn't recall; he knew he hadn't asked Lily to leave. Wasn't she just here?

He put his feet down onto the carpeted floor ready to go searching for her when his middle laptop beeped and a W symbol appeared on the screen.

L quickly tucked his feet under him again his usual position to help him focus. It seemed Watari had already arrived at the station.

 _'_ _L, are you there?'_ he heard Watari's voice came through the laptops speakers.

'Yes I'm here Watari.'

 _'_ _Alright, I shall turn on the video feed now so you can see SHS.'_

'Alright.' L said and folded his arms resting them on his knees, waiting patiently to finally question this monster.

The screen flicked and then SHS's face appeared, he was grinning of course, L hadn't expected anything else. L exhaled sharply, SHS obviously couldn't see him, just the L letter would only be shown to him, but he couldn't help feeling his blood run cold as he looked into the eyes of this deranged killer who obviously felt no empathy or remorse.

'SHS, it's been a while.' L said calmly.

SHS shook his head and tutted, 'Really L? Sending out your dummy instead of coming yourself? I hope you're aware I know what you look like...' He smirked and cracked his fingers, obviously feeling very proud of himself.

L ignored his question, 'Tell me, after all the months of running away and then taking all that time to ambush me at the hotel, why would you give yourself up so easily'

SHS cackled, 'you don't miss anything huh? That was all just a little fun; I've had something cooking for a while now...'

L swallowed, he couldn't keep the horrendous image from his nightmare surfacing in his mind. He could still hear Lily screaming as SHS slit her chest with a knife.

He shuffled a little, 'It doesn't surprise me, I knew you had something else planned. But know this SHS I will always be one step ahead of you, I always am.'

SHS eyes turned cold then, L could tell he was angry. He slammed his hand down on the table causing the laptop to wobble. 'You'll see L! This is one move you didn't see coming! You're not a fucking god, you're a coward and a failure, I've killed and taken so many innocents that you and the police don't even know about!' He began to cackle like a mad man.

L heard the buzz on the security door ring and soon enough two officers had restrained SHS. 'Okay that's enough.' Said one of the officers looking toward the laptop.

'It's hardly been ten minutes officer, the sergeant and I agreed to ten.' L stated having to yell out a little over SHS's maniacal laugh.

'Yeah well I'm calling it a day.' He said before flipping the lid down on Watari's laptop cutting off the connection.

L sighed heavily and leant back against the arm chair, his head falling back. He stared up at the ceiling feeling suddenly exhausted. Well that was a complete waste of everyone's time. He loathed the police sometimes. They just didn't know when some rules had to be bent in order to get things done.

He sat back forward on his hunches and finished his tea. It was sweet enough...just.

He had expected SHS to act like that just not so quickly.

He placed his thumb on his lips and thought; he said he had taken so many more innocents they didn't know about. It was the taken part that stuck in his mind. L was aware SHS was a serial killer and took great pleasure from murdering innocents especially women. But he hadn't thought about SHS taking anyone and keeping them alive for long...that just didn't seem to fit. He had always killed his victims either on the day he abducted them or at maximum the next day. So if he had taken someone they could still be alive. Otherwise SHS wouldn't have boasted about it so openly. He wanted L to know.

Could whoever SHS had taken be linked to this whole "surprise" he kept boasting about?

He started typing at his laptop, pulling up SHS's case files. Then on another laptop he hacked into he police's archives and searched missing people focusing intently on young women below the age of thirty.

He felt his sugar rush kick in, aiding him in his long and daunting task. He was going to need some more tea and nectar.

* * *

Both Lily and Matsuda sighed with relief as Wammy's came into view.

'Yes! We made it!' Lily cheered.

'Yeah finally...' Matsuda grumbled, 'That must have taken us like forty minutes longer than it should have.' He pouted.

Lily grimaced, 'Oh I'm sorry all these country roads look so alike; I don't think it was _that_ long...'

'It is when you're bursting for the toilet...' He admitted while sulking.

Ha how adorable was this man? To think is one of Japan's top agents.

'Why didn't you tell me! You could have pulled over and gone in the bushes.'

He looked at her, his eyes wide with horror, 'I could never do that in front of you!'

'Well I didn't say in front not me...' she smirked.

'Imagine if L found out I whipped it out in front of his girl because I couldn't hold it in like a baby or something?' He exasperated.

She liked hearing someone say she was L's girl; it had a nice ring to it. She couldn't hold back a laugh; Matsuda was worrying over nothing. 'You're funny Matsuda.'

'Mhm, I just need to get to a toilet...whoa.' He said suddenly as they drove up towards the security gates, 'This place is huge! I mean I knew L and Watari were rich but damn.'

Lily smiled and nodded marvelling at the beauty of Wammy's, it was certainly a sight.

Matsuda drove them up to the security box where the usual guard was. Lily leant over Matsuda a little and smiled at the guard as Matsuda lowered the window on his side.

'Hi, it's Lily Everly.' She greeted sweetly.

The guard bent down a little towards the window, 'Oh hey Lily, who is this then' He nodded towards Matsuda, 'This is ah...sorry I don't know your full name.' She whispered to Matsuda.

He quickly retrieved his wallet from his blazer and showed it to the guard, 'I'm Touta Matsuda, special agent based in Tokyo Japan.' He said seriously.

'He's a good friend of L's.' Lily chimed in.

The nodded, 'Okay then, good to have you with us. See ya Lily.'

Lily waved, 'Bye.'

They were silent as they drove up the long driveway leading to the house. That's when Lily started to feel a little nervous. She really didn't want to see any of the hateful faces or the perverted ones in fact...she breathed in deeply, perhaps Matsuda will stay long enough for her to find Eve and Soot without being seen or confronted.

Matsuda turned off the engine. And quickly got out of the car. He couldn't help but hop a little bit on the spot.

'Oh you poor thing, come on.' She said while hurrying herself to the front door, she knocked on the handle twice.

'Wow look at this place, I've never seen anything like it.' He said while doing a little dance and craning his neck up to get a better look at the gargoyles.

The door opened with Bertram standing on the other end, his eyes widened suddenly which Lily found a little odd. He seemed to compose himself swiftly, 'Good afternoon Miss Everly. You have returned.'

'Hi Bertram.' She walked in with a dancing Matsuda beside her, 'Um this is my friend Matsuda who really needs to use the bathroom.' She said smirking.

'Hello.' Matsuda said hurriedly while awkwardly bowing.

'Good afternoon sir, you may use the ground floor bathroom, third door to your right down that corridor.' Bertram said while pointing the corridor with his noise held high. Such a snob Lily thought.

'Okay thank you.' Matsuda said as he ran in the direction Bertram had pointed.

Lily began walking into the great hall wondering where Soot and Eve could be.

'Would you like me to prepare anything for you and your companion to eat?' Bertram asked as he closed the heavy wooden door with a bang.

'No I'm fine, but I'll ask Matsuda when he returns, thank you.' She nodded hoping he would take the hint and leave.

He held her stare a little longer than was comfortable then nodded and walked away, disappearing down the opposite end of the hall. He was strange she thought, she had never noticed how strange until now, kind of creepy too.

Matsuda sighed loudly which echoed around the hall as he walked back towards her, Lily laughed, 'Feel better?'

'You have no idea how close I was to...well know...' He scratched his head a little embarrassed.

'Ha yeah I know, no need to say anymore. I really appreciate the lift though, thank you. Do you want to have a look around while I try and find the two kids I need to see?'

'Um no it's fine I better get back.' He said looking around the hall with his mouth open in wonder.

'You sure? Are you hungry? Bertram asked if we wanted anything to eat.' She hated to admit it but she didn't want him to leave just yet; he was a sort of comfort to her. She couldn't help feeling anxious, she couldn't help imagining Suri and Mello coming at her from any direction.

'Nah...I mean I would love to please don't get me wrong but I should be back at the house, L and the others won't be too pleased if I'm gone besides he would have finished questioning SHS a while ago now, he probably needs assistance or something.'

Lily nodded, he did say he would just be dropping her off and yes he was right L could be needing assistance.

'I understand, of course you should go.' She forced a smile.

'Okay well I hope the sessions go well today.' He smiled and turned towards the door.

She followed him out, 'Oh how are you going to find your way back to London?' She asked concerned.

'Ah well I'll just put the postcode of the hotel I was staying at in my GPS and go from there; I remember how to get to the London house from the hotel.' He flashed a smile, obviously feeling proud of himself.

She giggled, 'Okay, good. Well thanks again and if you see L looking for me you can tell him where I am and that I am safe.' She said feeling a little guilty again for leaving him without telling him where she was going.

'Oh I will but expect a call from him soon, I imagine he will call you the millisecond I mention you and Wammy's, he will probably come for you too.' He chuckled.

She smiled and shook her head remembering what happened last time L had come for her, she could never forget his intense and furious eyes looking at her through the windshield; it was also sexy as hell...She could admit that now. She laughed and waved him off, watching Matsuda drive away until he was gone out of view. She was alone now...but she had a job to do.

She turned round ready to go hunting for Eve and Soot when at the top of the stairs they had appeared.

Eve's head was slumped down, she was sniffling still. Soot had an arm wrapped around her protectively, he looked shattered.

'Soot, Eve!' Lily called out as she met them half way on the stairs as they started to descend slowly down.

She took a hold of both their hands, Eve's was freezing. 'Its okay sweetie, I'm here now.' She said gently.

They both remained silent, both shaking and looking down to the floor.

Lily released Soot's hand but still held onto Eve's as she slowly led them downstairs. 'Okay let's go in to the reading room then...' She said ever so softly rubbing Eve's hand gently with her thumb.

They walked slowly, she didn't want to hurry the poor girl but Lily was worried, she had never seen her in such a state.

When they finally reached the reading room Lily opened the door slowly to make sure no one was inside, luckily there wasn't.

She bent down a little to Eve's height and met her eyes. 'Eve? Would you like Soot to come in with us and sit in session? Or would you prefer it to be just us?' She asked again speaking clearly and softly. She noticed Soot tense beside her. She never realised how much he loved Eve until this moment. _He_ obviously wanted to stay by her side but she had to allow Eve to make that decision, she had to feel comfortable.

After a moment Eve leant her head against Soot's shoulder causing him to blush. Lily hid her smile so not to embarrass him anymore. 'I'll go alone...' Eve said quietly. 'I'm sorry Soot.'

'It's okay I understand.' Soot choked a little, he peeled away from her and stepped aside.

They shared an emotional glance for a moment before he placed his hands lightly on each of her arms, 'You'll be okay now; Lily will work her magic.' He smiled lovingly at the delicate teen girl with white, blonde hair.

Lily blushed a little at the compliment and also at the affectionate moment between them.

She cleared her throat 'Alright then Soot we will come and find you when we are done okay?' Lily said smiling at him.

He looked up at her and got the hint, 'Okay.' He released Eve and walked away from them down the corridor.

'Come then sweetie,' Lily's says gently as she places her hand softly onto Eve's back and leads into the reading room.

* * *

L had gone through hundreds of articles, records and footage of missing persons but none seemed to point to SHS. He still hadn't found anything that pin pointed anything useful.

He takes a hold of the little teapot in front to him and feels its light weight; he was out of tea...not good.

He sighs, surely Watari should have returned by now? Unless he was being held up by the police sticking their noses in...that was a probable outcome. He pitied Watari.

He cracked his neck and stood up, stretching his back which cracked also. Time for a break he inwardly smirked as he thought of his beautiful Lily. She had been absent all the time he had been working and he missed her terribly. He pondered if she was more of distraction while in his presence or out of it. He didn't like missing her so he would go with the latter.

He walked into the kitchen, nothing. Then he looked for her in the houses small library, nothing. He glanced outside the windows to the garden, he only saw the agents sitting there enjoying the sunshine, had he told everyone to leave? Again he couldn't remember; he didn't care as they weren't who he was searching for.

She must be in her room then he thought as he shuffled towards it down the corridor.

He knocked gently on the closed door and waited for an answer. 'Lily?' He called out softly. He knocked again...perhaps she was in the bathroom? He waited a little while longer for a sound of a flush or something...but not a sound came from the room. He knocked a third time a little harder now. 'Lily? Can I come in?' He called out.

His heart started beating a little faster as he turned the door handle and slowly peeked his head around the door; she could be sleeping and he didn't want to disturb her.

He pushed the door all the way open as soon as he noticed the vast and empty bedroom. He sighed and looked around and immediately caught sight of a piece of folded paper on the bedside table. He didn't like this...

He opened up and read it quickly; _My darling L, I have gone back to Wammy's to hold a session with Eve as I received a call while you were working from Soot to say she was very upset. Please don't be angry and don't WORRY. I'll be fine I promise and I'll be back soon. All my love, your Lily. X_

His heart dropped suddenly as he read it three more times over. Why would she do this again? How could she go without saying goodbye? This being a distraction to him nonsense has just put her in harm's way; he should have never let her out of his sight.

He stuffed the letter into his jean pocket and ran through the house back into the large living room.

One of his laptops was still downloading important data, he couldn't disturb it, there was also more footage he had to watch and cameras he had to monitor.

He gripped his head with both hands, he couldn't go through this again, he couldn't have Lily so far away from him when she was in such danger, she had no idea what was lurking in the dark...it wasn't just humans she had to worry about.

I can't call her now he thought; he couldn't interrupt her session with Eve. Damn it Lily why do you have to do this all the time? Stop trying to be so helpful! He inwardly yelled at her. He could have dealt with her going away if she had told him...at least he thought he could.

He started to pace up and down the room, glancing to and from his laptop screen, he couldn't leave now, only he and Watari knew what to do with such data. He couldn't rely on the agents.

He snapped his head around as he heard a car approaching the house. 'Watari.' He whispered.

He ran to meet him at the door and pulled it open quickly.

'Oh damn those police with all their questions.' Watari grumbled as he walked in, passing L. 'They of course blame SHS's outburst on you.' He said removing his hat and rubbing his white hair.

'Watari I must return to Wammy's for a short while.' L said slipping on his tattered old trainers.

'Oh...is something wrong?' Watari asks now realising how frantic L looked at that moment.

'No, not as such. Lily has gone off on her own again, she says Eve is in a need of a session, but she doesn't realise the danger. I have to leave now; I'll have to leave you to monitor the screens and make sure the data downloads correctly' L said walking towards the door.

'I understand your concern L but SHS is now in custody, surely it's safer now that it was before?' Watari says following L to the door.

L leant to look outside the open front door, he put his hand up to the driver, 'I'm retuning to Wammy's' he yells out. He then turns back to Watari, 'Yes SHS is in custody however I can't shake the feeling that he is indeed up to something; he is still a huge threat even though he is behind bars. I must be with Lily, I'll wait until she finishes her session with Eve and then I'll bring her back. I don't worry for anyone else because I know apart from myself she is his next target.'

* * *

 **Thank you again to all of you who are still with me on this journey!**

 **Matsuda ia truly adorable and always brings such light wherever he is :)**

 **Poor L, Lily really knows how the stress the poor guy out even when she it trying to do the right thing! haha.**

 **Would love some reviews as you all know, they mean the world to me! X**


	36. Chapter 36

**Okay something I wish all my lovely to do before reading this chapter as it will help you visualise!**

 **Please go on youtube and type in Lawliet sings and watch that.**

 **Then i want you to watch Stone Sour Wicked Game. Probably best just to watch the lyric video.  
**

 **All will make sense as you read the chapter. Just remember to visualise the voices and put it into one when the time is right in the chapter!** **Please do this and it will make what I have imagined come more to life than just reading the words!** **I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I really hope you like it!** **Much love. X**

* * *

'Can you tell me what has you so upset?' Lily asked Eve.

Eve wiped her tears away with a tissue Lily had given her. 'I...I saw something...' The young girl said through hiccups.

'What was it? Do you know?' What could have made her into such a state?

Eve tensed, shaking a little. She wiped her eyes again and then fiddled with the tissue between her fingers. 'I'm not sure of what it is but I'm sure of how it made me felt... Do you know about me? Has anyone told you?' She started to tear at the tissue now; this was obviously very hard for her to speak about.

What should she do? Kenzo had told her some things about Eve but what if he had got it wrong? She didn't want to Eve to think she had been speaking about her behind her back...then she wasn't one for lying. 'Well...Kenzo mentioned something vaguely about you being sensitive to...spirits?' She confessed a little hesitantly.

Eve sighed lightly, 'Kenzo likes to talk a lot...but he isn't wrong. Ever since I was a little girl I have been able to see...spirits, ghosts...spectres whatever you want to call them.'

Lily nodded; she strangely believed Eve was telling the truth. 'Please continue Eve.'

Eve shuffled a little and looked down at the floor. 'I can also feel their energies...it's like a residue they leave behind. If they have a positive energy they feel warm and sometimes even smell nice, however if they are weighed down with negativity they feel cold, dark and they smell rotten.' Eve shakes her head flicking her platted braids around her shoulders.

Lily nods when Eve quickly looks up at her, her eyes seemed strained. Lily smiles again reassuringly. Eve calms a little as she continues speaking.

'Usually these entities mean no harm, a lot of them I feel are lost and just need some guidance to cross over to where they need to go. The positive or sad ones sometimes show themselves as the people they once were, then there are the others that float around as a ball of light, or mist...it's hard to explain. But then you get the negative, dark ones.' She stills, even her hands stops fiddling with the pieces of tissue on her lap. 'They are dark, really dark and the more negativity they have the more black they seem. They are full of hate and anger that all stems from fear. They want nothing but to destroy lives. And that's what I have been seeing...'

'You've been seeing a negative entity? The thought suddenly sent a shiver through her.

Eve nodded quickly, 'Yes ever since...well...L came back home from Japan, he brought it with him.' She said her lips trembling a little.

Lily couldn't keep the shock from her face... 'What do you mean L brought it back with him?' She attempted to sound calm but she couldn't help think of the Shinigami L was being "haunted" by.

'I saw it latched onto L, onto his back and then I think it noticed me and went away...but I did see something, it was huge and black, it towered over L.' Eve shook her head, her eyes fixated onto the floor. 'I was so scared for him, for me and everyone in the house. It hasn't felt the same here since L has come back with whatever it is.'

'H-have...' Lily cleared her throat; she had to get a hold of her emotions no matter how shocking this was to hear. 'Have you told anyone else about this? Why didn't you speak with L?'

Eve shook her head again, 'I couldn't tell anyone, because firstly it would scare them to death and they might not want to be around me anymore. And L is not the easiest person to speak with as it is...he is quiet and keeps to himself most of the time.'

Lily nodded remembering to when she first met L and what a recluse he was...however he didn't stay that way at least not with her for long.

'So you have been keeping this secret all these months?' She looked at Eve sadly, she felt sorry for the young girl, she couldn't imagine what a burden this must have been for her to carry on her own.

Eve nodded slowly wiping a tear that had trickled down her cheek, 'But that's not what I called you here for.'

'Oh?'

Eve shuffled again and sighed, 'Watari makes us take mediation lessons to help with our focusing and learning how to quieten down the mind. He said when I get scared and see things I don't understand or fear I should meditate and imagine myself in a protective white bubble. I have done this a few times and it's always worked.'

Lily nods smiling listening to her every word.

'So yesterday I felt really scared, more scared that I have been for a long time. So I went to my room and began meditating on this special pillow I have on the floor. That's when it happened.'

'What happened Eve?'

'I had a vision, it had happened a few times before in meditation but this was horrendous and I couldn't get out of it, it's like something was holding me in a trance, making me watch everything.'

'What did you see?' Lily asked leaning forward a little; she didn't want to push the girl as she could see how traumatising this all was for her but she had to know why she was so upset so she could help her.

'I saw...you and L...in his room...dead...' She said finally looking Lily in the eyes.

'Dead?' Lily couldn't help gulping a little. 'We were both dead in L's room?

'Yes, there was blood everywhere, L's face had been slashed to bits and you were sprawled on top of him in a pool of blood. I don't know what happened to you.

Lily put her hand to her mouth, she just didn't know what to make of all this but she couldn't help feeling her anxiety rising up from her chest. She took a breath and continued speaking to Eve. 'What happened then?'

'I wanted to stop seeing it; I didn't want to see your faces all bloodied and dead. I screamed in my mind when a monster walked up to me, I can remember his laugh, it didn't sound human. He wouldn't let me wake up...I was stuck in this terrifying scene. And I knew I was awake, I could feel my body still sitting up straight on the pillow, I felt like I was trapped, he was keeping me there...' He voice weakened as she choked out the last part of the sentence.

'How did you come out of it?' Lily asked attempting to put her own fears aside so she could help the girl.

'Soot burst into my room as he always does and found me like that. He said I didn't respond to him for a few minutes when he said my name. That's when he started shaking me. He said he shook me harder and harder until I finally yelled out and awakened. I couldn't stop crying, I wanted to tell Soot everything I had just seen but I didn't want to scare him...he's one of the few people who doesn't look at me weird. So I that's why I kept it from him. The only person I could think of was you, I had to tell you...it's like something inside me was telling me too.'

'I'm glad you have Eve, you can talk to me about anything you know that.' Lily said feigning a smile, she felt truly horrified by what Eve had just told her but she couldn't show fear, no she had to be strong for her.

'All I want if for you and L to be careful. Please, I don't know what I would do if something happened to you both.' Eve's lip started to tremble again.

Lily couldn't take it anymore and walked forward and knelt in front of the pixie like girl. She smiled at her and embraced her, giving her a strong and loving hug.

Eve started sniffling again into her shoulder; Lily rubbed the girls back tenderly allowing her to cry for as long as she wanted.

After a few moments Eve's sobbing halted into little sniffs and hiccups.

Lily looked at her, 'Thank you for caring about us so much and I promise you I will look after L and myself...do you want to me to tell L about what you saw?' She asked already making up her mind that she would probably tell L about all of this.

Eve nodded slowly, 'yeah, I think he should know so he can prepare himself, so he can protect himself and you...'

Lily smiled at Eve, 'Thank you for telling me Eve, I am truly grateful as L will be also, we will be fine, please don't worry.'

Eve nodded, 'It's funny though, since you came into L's life well, I haven't felt it so as much...I think you are already helping Lily just by being here with him.' The pretty teen gave Lily her first smile.

'Well I don't plan on going anywhere soon...' Lily winked.

Eve giggled a little and wiped her eyes.

'Speaking of being there for someone...' Lily began smirking at Eve. 'Soot seems to have been very worried about you...he is fond of you, I can tell.'

Eve blushed suddenly, 'eh yeah, we're really good friends...'

Lily nodded standing up, 'well all I can say is that you should try and share things with someone who cares about you...don't keep them in the dark as sometimes that does more damage than good, you understand?'

Eve stood up herself allowing the pile of shredded up tissue to fall to the ground, she didn't seem to notice as she was lost in her own thoughts. 'I just don't want him looking at me like everyone else does, if he knows the truth he might not want to be around me anymore.'

Lily nods and puts a hand on Eve's shoulder, 'Don't allow fear to hold you back Eve, because then you can miss out on opportunities that you wished you had taken when you look back. Fear keeps us prisoners, be open with the ones we love and care about. I know how much Soot cares for you; I have no doubt in my mind he will understand. But it's your decision; just remember to always be yourself no matter what.'

Eve looks up at her, her eyes tearing a little; she quickly flings her arms around Lily's waist and squeezes hard.

Lily is first a little startled but then hugs her back, stroking her hair.

She allows Eve to hug her for a few more moments before she speaks, 'Now what do you say you go and find Soot? I'm sure he can't wait to see you.'

Eve releases Lily and nods, 'Will you come with me?' She asks walking towards to door and opening it slightly.

'Of course.' Lily smiles. Eve's face brightens as she walks out of the reading room.

Lily really didn't want to walk around the house in case she bumped into anyone...but then she should take her own medicine and overcome her fear, after all people liked her, people wanted her here and she wanted to be here. She wouldn't be scared off because of people's failed attempt to control their own jealousy.

As she walked out into the corridor with Eve she could hear music vibrating against the walls.

'Oh, Soot must be rehearsing with his band.' Eve said smiling.

'A band, I didn't know he played...shall we go and have a peek?' Lily whispered earning another genuine smile from Eve.

* * *

 ** _A little earlier..._**

As soon as L arrived back at Wammy's he jumped out from the car causing his driver to look on in horror as he hadn't come and opened the door for his master.

L didn't care, he couldn't waste any time, he had to get Lily out of this house, she wasn't safe; he couldn't shrug off the feeling of it.

He didn't bother knocking on the door to then wait for Bertram to answer. Instead he took out a large key and let himself in.

Not before long he found Soot sitting at the bottom of the stairs looking miserable. The teen's eyes widened however when he looked up to see L standing in the hall. 'L! You're here too.' He said standing up quickly.

L looked around thinking where he should look for Lily first. 'Yes but not for long, I have come for Lily.' He said seriously without looking in Soot's direction.

'Oh Lily? She is in speaking to Eve; I think they are having a session because Eve was really upset.' Soot said suddenly feeling said for her.

L looked at him then, 'How long will they be?' He asked feeling relieved knowing Lily was where she said she would be. He was still little paranoid she would leave again; that whole event had seriously impacted him more than he realised.

Soot shrugged, they have only just started really so who knows.'

L sighs, he couldn't just barge into a session, Lily would never forgive him plus if Eve was really in such a bad state she needed Lily more than him at this moment. Still...he hated sharing.

'But...since you have time to kill...' Soot says walking slowly up to L with his hands behind his back. L frowns at him, a little wary of the teen's mischievous smile. 'I need to rehearse some songs with the band but Christopher is sick...so that just leaves me, Quinn and Michael.'

L knew he didn't like that look on Soot's face, 'No' he said sternly.

'But I need someone to fill in as lead guitarist and you're the only one who knows how to play...really well.' Soot says quickly.

'No' L says again shoving his hands in his pockets and begins walking away towards the kitchen.

'Please L! It won't be hard, it's the same songs you rehearsed with us that other time.' He follows his mentor frantically.

'It matters not whether it's hard or not, the answer is no.' L says quickening his pace to get something sweet to eat.

'But you helped me out last time remember? What's so different now?' Soot stepped in front of him causing L to halt and sigh again.

'Last time you bribed me with cake; no if I remember correctly it was the entire desert trolley you took from under cooks nose. I still haven't forgiven you for being so cruel. You knew full well I couldn't decline such an offer...' He glared at Soot.

'I can get you some cake now!' Soot yelled as L walked past him again.

'I won't be falling for that again...' L mumbled, shuffling his feet on the ground.

'Well what if I tell you I'm doing it for a very good reason...' Soot said as he again ran in front of him and spread his arms out.

'It doesn't matter what reason you have, I won't change my mind, once was more than enough.'

Soot turned red and suddenly blurted out, 'It's for Eve!'

L frowned not really understanding why that would make any difference. 'Well, I'm sure you she will appreciate the gesture, now if you could move out of the way...'

'I really like her L! And playing these songs will show her how much I... _like_ her.' Soot blushed furiously, looking down at his feet. 'Please...I need this rehearsal to go well so I know exactly what we sound like, I want to make sure it's perfect.' He pleaded.

'I don't see why you would go to all this trouble for a friend, you live together surly she has heard you perform before.' L said confused.

'Not like this, not these songs. You remember them right? They are all...love songs...'

He was about to tell Soot no again when the nail finally drooped. He realised how much in that moment Soot reminded him of himself. His head bowed down causing his back hair to fall over his eyes, he looked utterly miserable and alone...it seemed Soot cared about Eve, more than just a friend.

L couldn't believe when he felt his own resolve begin to bend the more he looked at the sad and quite pathetic teen in front of him. He exasperated loudly bent his head and body back dramatically and closed his eyes...was he really going to agree to this again!?

'We must finish before Lily has finished her session with Eve.' He said begrudgingly as he slouched forward again.

Soot snapped his head up at his words, 'Really? I mean yes, yes of course we will.' He smiled brightly.

'Fine let's go.' L mumbled as he turned around walking in the direction of the music room.

Soot grins behind him then quickly joins him keeping up with his pace. 'Do you want me to get the sheet music?'

'No, I remember all the songs. You just keep an eye on the time, if my calculations are correct I'd say we have around forty minutes before they have finished...'

'Yeah sure no problem.' Soot chimed, 'Thanks L.'

'Mmm hmm.'

* * *

Lily and Eve giggled as they cracked open the door to the music room.

'I like this song.' Lily whispered to Eve as they peaked into the room. Eve was below Lily. She could see Soot singing his heart out to I Can't Help Falling in love by Elvis.

'Oh wow, I've never heard him sing like this...' Eve whispered awed by Soot's voice.

Lily smiled, 'Yeah he sounds lovely...' Her sentence trailed off as she noticed a familiar form standing to the far side of centre stage. She gasped suddenly, 'Oh my god L is here! And he's playing the guitar with the band?' She squeaked.

Eve noticed him too, 'Oh yeah...I mean he had always played guitar and piano and some other instruments I think, but I've never _seen_ him play before... I didn't even know he was back..'

'Neither did I...' Lily said warmed to think of L following her here. Still he didn't have too, she did leave a note.

They both watch in silence for a moment, 'wow he's good.' Eve whispered.

Lily smiled wildly as she watched him play the guitar so beautifully. His long delicate fingers picking and strumming at the instrument with such fluidity. He could feel herself become flushed as she watched him.

He flicked his hair out of his face, she almost laughed when she saw how sulky he looked, he obviously didn't want to be there. She wondered what Soot had said to convince him to play with them.

They finished the song Soot coughed a little and drank some water from a bottle at his feet. He wiped his mouth and looked at L. 'Well I think it will be wise to rest my voice for the next song or two...L?'

L glanced over to him, 'Yes Soot?'

'Um...I have to rest my voice its sore.' He said shuffling from one foot to the other.

'Very well, does that mean we are done here?' L mumbled; he obviously couldn't wait to go.

'Well almost...it's just I thought considering how well you can sing...you could take the vocals for this next one.'

'NO.' L said flatly into the microphone in front of him.

'You've sung it before L please, we need this to sound perfect...it's important.' Soot pleaded.

'If you practiced the correct technique to sing from your diaphragm to support your vocals you would be able to continue...still my answer is no. Are we done then?'

Quinn who was on bass started speaking up, 'Yeah Soot you should practice more...and why is this so important? All these love songs are making wanna puke man.' The spiky, red headed teen mocked.

Michael who was a petite blonde boy started laughing over his drums, 'Yeah Soot I mean it's like you have a crush on someone or something...' He teased.

Soot's cheeks blazed up, 'No! I don't! It's just these are goods songs...classics you know, everyone likes classic songs, it gets the crowd going.'

'Or gets _someone_ going...' Quinn said causing Michael to laugh with him.

Lily glanced down at Eve. She smiled a little as she noticed the pretty teens white cheeks begin to blush.

L watched as the two boys continued to mock and tease Soot...that was his doing he realised. He glanced at Soot who looked mortified. L took a breath in and closed his eyes; he would rather be back questioning SHS, this was a nightmare.

'Stop.' He spoke up again into the microphone so they could all hear him. They immediately all quietened down.

'Just this one song and then I am done do you understand?' He pointed at Soot who looked like he could burst with joy however before the teen started thanking him he continued speaking, 'No don't thank me I just want to be sure you understand what I've just said.' L said again, his voice low and domineering.

Soot nodded quickly and smiled, 'Yes I understand.'

Lily's stomach flipped, oh Jesus she was actually going to hear L sing! She felt like a fan girl. She smiled a toothy grin and clutched her hands together in front of her mouth.

'Okay well L do you want to take centre stage then?' Soot asked walking towards him to swap places.

'No I'm fine here.' L said swinging the guitar over his back and shuffling his hands in his pockets.

Soot quickly retraced his steps, 'Ok...that's fine.' He said quickly. 'Um L you might wanna adjust your mic?' He said pointing to the mic that was several inches too short for L.

L sighed and removed his hands from his pockets and adjusted the mic quickly to suit his height.

Lily giggled quietly, he was such a sulk but he was also incredibly thoughtful to put himself through this; she saw the way he had noticed how upset Soot became when the others teased him...she didn't think she could love him anymore.

'Okay, you remember the song L? Wicked game?' Soot asked.

'Yes.' L said standing ever so still in front of his mic, hands in pockets again of course.

'Okay.' Soot began playing the iconic notes of the classic song.

L started mumbling the words;

 _The world was on fire no one could save me from you,_

 _Strange what desire can make foolish people do..._

'Stop, stop, stop!' Soot yelled out halting the music. 'L what the hell was that?' He asked exasperated.

'Haha yeah L, it sounds like your dying or something...' Quinn laughed.

'I have no motivation to sing so naturally my enthusiasm is nonexistent.' L said as a matter of factly.

'Come on L, use that genius head of yours, I know you have _something_ to motivate you.' Soot said smirking.

L cleared his throat looking suddenly very uncomfortable.

Lily smiled; he was so adorable.

Soot continued, 'Thinking of someone that a song fits too always helps.'

'How would you know Soot?... Quinn teased with a big smirk on his face.

'I-I don't, it's just what I've heard other musicians say that's all.' He clears his throat and turns his attention onto L again. 'I know you can sing! You only have to sing this song then you're done right? So the faster you start singing properly the faster you can go.' Soot pleaded.

L sighed loudly into the mic causing it to echo through the room.

Lily and Eve giggled almost a little too loudly. Lily found this whole thing thoroughly entertaining but she couldn't help feeling bad for her poor L, he looked miserable.

Soot waited for L to answer, when he didn't he adjusted his guitar and continued, 'Okay then, from the top.' He started playing the intro again.

This time to everyone's surprise L's beautiful, deep and silky voice started singing through quietly;

 _The world was on fire no one could save me from you,_

 _Strange what desire can make foolish people do..._

Lily's heart jumped in her throat, Oh my god he has been hiding that voice from her all this time? She would have never thought that the odd and quirky genius that he was would be so musically adept.

He started to sing a little louder;

 _I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you_

 _And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you_

L's voice jumped to a higher note as the chorus started, Lily started to feel flushed, she couldn't control herself.

 _No, I don't want to fall in love..._

 _No, I don't want to fall in love...with you_

She smirked thinking how only L could look so calm and collected when singing and reaching such beautiful notes with such ease.

They had never really discussed music together...she wished she brought it up now if this is what he had to offer.

His looked so incredibly sexy, vulnerable and free as he continued signing. She loved watching him flash his beautiful white, straight teeth as he began to sing louder with increasing confidence and determination.

She grew excited as he began to loosen up and become one with the music, flicking his hair out from his eyes every so often...; why did that make her feel all giddy every time he did that?

The guitars quieten down, only strumming every so often; all she could hear was L's voice.

He deepens his tone that sent shivers through her. She was relieved Eve was busy watching them and not her as she was sure her flush and facial expression would give her away to what he was making her feel.

 _What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way_

 _What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you_

 _What a wicked thing to say, you never felt way_

 _What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you_

 _No, I don't want to fall in love_

 _No, I don't want to fall in love...with you_

Soot begins to playing the solo; he was a talented guitarist as well. Lily wanted to look down to Eve but she couldn't take her eyes away from L as he watched Soot casually.

The music starts to build up again; L suddenly takes a hold of the mic stand with one hand and leans in closer to it. Lily almost squealed he was driving her mad; she never wanted this scene to end.

He begins to sing another verse; he's voice still deep and vibrating through Lily's body.

 _The world was on fire and no one could save me but you_ _  
Its strange what desire will make foolish people do_

He leans forward as he begins to sing louder, allowing his voice to really show off. She couldn't help but feel just a little faint as he closes his eyes for a moment as he reaches the more high and powerful notes.

 _I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you  
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you_

 _No I don't want to fall in love_

 _No I don't want to fall in love_

She could tell he was giving it his all now, she knew everything L did he did it to the best of his abilities whether he enjoyed it or not.

She wanted to be there in standing front of him as he held his voice for the last part of the chorus.

 _No I..._

 _No I..._

The guitars quieten down again as he finishes the song with a soft tone.

 _Nobody loves...no one..._

'See... I knew you could sing.' Soot says feeling very pleased with himself.

Michael and Quinn start clamping, 'Whoa yeah that was a good run, nice one L, you sounded better this time.' Quinn chimed.

L rolls his eyes and quickly takes off his guitar handing it to Soot. 'Here, never ask me to do this again.' He says sulkily.

Everyone whips their heads towards the door as Eve and Lily walk in clapping and cheering.

L freezes, he feels his blood rushing from his head, he feels dizzy. She heard me?

'Well done boys, we heard some of it, you all sounded brilliant.' Lily compliments them all, smiling warmly...; hopefully her smile would hide just how aroused she was from L's performance.

Soot also looked horrified to find Eve there smiling widely and knowingly. He jumps of the stage and rushes towards her. 'Err hey, how are you feeling?' He asked shyly.

'Much better now I've heard you sing.' She says smiling and throws her arms around him.

'Ha-ha I knew it! I knew it!' Yelled out Quinn hysterically. 'Sooty and Evie sitting in a tree.' He begins singing at them.

Lily laughs then yelps as he her hand is grabbed and yanked away suddenly.

'L! What are you doing?' She laughs a little as she tried to keep up with his power walk.

He doesn't say anything as he leads...well drags her up the two flights of stairs to his bedroom. He unlocks the door with one hand...impressive as always she thought.

He turns and pulls her in smashing her lips onto his. He kicks the door shut as they kiss hungrily as if they hadn't seen in other for months.

She moaned loudly...what has gotten onto him? His energy was off the scale, he was devouring her lips, his delicate but strong hands gripping her onto him.

He growled as he pushed her against the wall. She inwardly smiled as she remembered the first time he had done this to her...she was also delighted she had chosen to wear her summery dress today...

She managed to peel herself away from his lips to breathe... 'L...your voice...you were amazing...' She said panting.

'I can't believe you heard me...' He rasped back as he began lifting her dress up.

'I'm so-glad I did; I've never seen anything that can beat how sexy you are when you sing.' She says hitching a breath suddenly as she feels his long and elegant fingers start to stroke in-between her legs.

He buries his face in her neck, 'Ridiculous.' He whispers and covers his mouth over hers. He thrusts his tongue in her mouth, teasing hers with his.

She wraps her legs around him as she kisses him back deeply.

He moans into her mouth as she surrenders to him. He loved this woman so much, he couldn't control his urges as she came into the music room, smiling, cheering, looking angelic. He had missed her, even though she had only been gone the day, he was relieved to see her safe and now he needed to show her how much.

He grinds against her causing her to whimper with want.

He leant back for air again and rested his forehead against hers, 'Lily please don't leave again without telling me, a note is not enough, I was worried.' He pleads.

She wrapped her arms around him holding him tightly, 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I will always say goodbye first. I can't stand you worrying...'

She kisses his neck, she could feel his legs trembling, she giggles 'Maybe we should take this to the bed...'

'No.' He adjusts her, still holding her up against the wall, he was so much stronger than he looked. 'I want you here where it should have happened that day.'

She giggles and notices her bra was still lying on the floor from last time. She smirks and motions her head towards it. L looks behind him and laughs, it was such a beautiful sound and so rare.

She takes his lips again as he faces her igniting their passion instantly.

She clings onto to him as he swiftly unbuttons his jeans and pulls his zipper down. Without another word and a few adjustments he thrusts into her causing them both to yell out.

'Oh god Lily.' He whispers shakily before taking her lips again and began moving his hips.

His pace quickened after a few thrusts, he was becoming unravelled, his desire, this intense feeling she had over him was so primal, so animalistic, it felt as if they were bonding through body and soul. He felt more carnal this time, more desperate to be inside her, to make her his, to make sure she knew she was his.

She leant her head back against the wall and moaned loudly, 'Oh L! Oh god!'

He grunted and groaned, breathing hard as he desperately took her body. He lent in and kissed her chest wishing the stupid material was out of the way for him to suckle on her breasts, but he wasn't going to stop his rhythm for anything.

He kisses her neck, 'you've unleashed this from within me Lily...'I'll never be the same.' He whispered.

His words instantly had her over the edge as she felt a powerful orgasm start rise. 'L...I'm going to...' She couldn't finish her sentence, the pleasure and intensity of his body turning her into putty.

She wanted him to finish with her. She gripped onto him tighter with her legs, 'L finish with me, don't stop...keep going, harder...faster!' She yelled.

'Green day still?' He asked his voice so hoarse it was almost inaudible.

'Yes...green day.' She nodded remembering she hadn't explained to him what that meant.

He was sweating his hair was wild and messy from her fingers pulling and burying themselves within it. He starts thrusting with all his might; he wanted her to feel good.

He took her mouth again as he felt himself on the edge of release. Lily's sudden strangled cry as she climaxed was enough to send him over as he felt her body clench around him inside.

He groaned into her mouth but soon had to throw his head back as he yelled out himself from his own euphoric release. His knees almost buckled underneath him but he leant forward resting himself against her supple body on the wall.

After a few moments of heavy breathing he slowly released her back to the ground. His entire body shaking.

She held him to her, he was trembling, 'Wow...that was some work out huh? She smirked into his hair panting into it.

He smiled and looked up at her panting just as hard, 'For me yes...' He leant in and kissed her deeply.

* * *

After they had cleaned themselves up Lily decided it would be nice for them to shower together to which he eagerly agreed, 'But perhaps I could suggest something else?' He said shyly.

'What do you have in mind?' She asked stroking his face as they stood naked in his lavish en suite.

He turned his head and motioned to the huge corner bath tub. He looked backed at her and shrugged. 'I enjoy baths...' He almost looked embarrassed.

She giggled and kissed him, 'L you're every woman's dream you know that?'

'I hope not, I only want to be yours.' He said seriously frowning a little.

She stroked his face again lovingly; he still had so much to learn...but he was getting there...her tender body was proof of it.

She blushed with the thought and walked him to the bath where they both sat comfortably on the edge waiting for it to fill up.

'Bubble bath?' She asked cocking an eyebrow.

He nodded and leant over the bath to grab a bottle. She watched his slim but beautiful body stretch and flex as he grabbed a bottle and held it up to her.

'But it's my favourite, meaning I want it to last.' He said snatching it away as she tried to grab it.

'What's that supposed to mean?' She pouted.

'I may not be experienced with women...however I am quite the eaves dropper and I have on numerous accounts listened to the males in this house complain on how women tend to devour an entire bottle of bubble bath in just two sittings.' He looks at her smugly.

She folds her arms, 'Well I don't know who you have got your sources from but know they are not realisable because it's not true.

She tried reaching for the bottle again but he pulled it away with lightening speed always donning a cocky...but dare she say gorgeous smile on his face. She attempted it a few more times with each time being a failure; he was good at this she thought.

Fine she would change tactic she thought and started tickling his sides.

She laughed at his shocked expression and his overly dramatic gasp. 'Ah, no! That's cheating!' He yelled before falling backwards into the tub splashing water everywhere.

She managed to swipe the bottle from his hand as he sat up gasping for air. His hair was flat on his head and over his face, he looked hilarious.

He peeled his hair from his eyes and frowned up at her. 'That was dirty move Miss Everly.' He moaned.

She shrugged her shoulders, 'well it worked, now stay still as I make this bath a bubbly paradise.' She smiled as she poured the liquid into the bath.

'Not all of it!' He whined.

'Yeah yeah...' She snorted.

* * *

 **SO what do you think?** **Did you visualise L clearly singing? Wasn't it just amazing and really, really hot? Haha! ;)** **Please tell me what you thought about the chapter! Makes me so happy.** **Thank you! :D**


	37. Chapter 37

**Thank you so much for your patience! I have been having difficulties with my eyes and needed to new glasses...finally I have them and can start updating on a regular basis.**

 **Please review, I would love to hear from you! :)**

* * *

'You know I've never quite noticed how big this bath tub is...' L mused from behind her.

Lily giggles and continued stroking his arms that were wrapped around her, bubbles covering both their bodies. 'I don't how; this tub could easily hold five people it's like a paddling pool.'

He kissed her shoulder and rested his lips there; she could feel him smiling against her skin. 'I never want to bathe without you again.'

She rubbed her cheek against his, 'you're unbelievably sweet and ridiculously soppy.'

'I know...I don't know what's come over me...'

'Is it a bad thing?' She asked tensing a little.

He thought for a moment before answering... 'No, it' just a little overwhelming. I never expected to fall in love so quickly after all these years of being alone and not bothering about it. I thought I knew my own character...obviously I didn't.'

'We are always changing, all the time; I don't believe we ever truly learn to know ourselves...it seems that there isn't enough time...in one lifetime anyway.'

'Mmm, such a philosophical topic while bathing together in bubbles...' He mocked.

She smiled and leant her head back onto his chest, 'yes well what do you expect of us?'

He rubbed up her arms as he kissed her head, 'I don't know as we keep surprising each other as well as ourselves.'

'Keeps things interesting though.'

'Indeed it does.'

'L...' She said after a few moments of silence.'

'Hmm?'

'What happened with SHS?' She asked quietly.

He sighed a little, 'nothing much, he was acting most peculiar. It seemed to me that he had wanted to be caught.'

'What? Why?'

'I don't know and I really hate not knowing. The police won't allow me to question him again until next week, they are ridiculous. They know who I am and they know who SHS is yet they'd rather follow their own foolish protocol instead of allowing me to do my job. I don't understand why they must delay everything; wasting everyone's time and money in the long run when I can get to the bottom of it if they would just allow me more time with him.' He gritted his teeth; the whole situation was a mockery of his work and professionalism.

She shook her head, 'I'll never understand humans...even though I have chosen a profession to do just that. But I don't believe text books, exams or looking at ink blots will allow me to determine a person's true personality and soul.'

'Are you having doubts about your career path?' He asked feeling a little thankful the subject had turned away from SHS.

'I don't know...' She sighed heavily. 'I just want to help the world; I want to help everyone and everything...' She said feeling deflated.

He squeezed her gently with his arms, holding her close. 'You help people all the time Lily, I don't think you realise how many you have helped so far.'

She smiled and tilted her head upwards; he understood immediately and leant into to kiss her softly. She sighed happily and turned back around. 'I must say apart from seeing you sing... feeling that I helped Eve in our session and then baring witness to her smile and embrace Soot like that really made my day. I can't believe how adorable they are. Young love...' She hummed happily.

He rolled his eyes, 'We are adorable too, just because we are not young as them. It's all new for me as well.' He said childishly.

She tickled him lightly at his sides, he gasped and splashed water about as he flinched and attempted to escape her fingers.

'No one can be as adorable as you Lawleit.' She giggled stroking him lightly where she had just tickled him.

He caught his breath and smiled, 'Are you going to keep using my weakness against me?'

She smiled, 'Perhaps...unless you behave yourself.' She teased.

'That is problematic as I rarely, according to Watari and most of the household behave myself.'

'Good all the more fun for me then.'

He clicked his teeth but then wrapped his arms around her tightly again.

'So...L...about the impressive guitar playing.' She began.

'Lily...' He warned.

'Is that the only instrument you play?' She continued smiling to herself.

'Must we discuss this?' He whined in the most adorable way.

'Yes...and just to let you know it's a powerful aphrodisiac for me..., watching you sing and play.

He straightened a little at that, 'You're making that up.' He mumbled.

'Nope, it's a recent discovery actually.'

He thought for a moment, his cheeks blushing as he thought back to their earlier antics. He decided that he would love to have more encounters like that. 'I can also play piano, flute, violin, harp and the drums.' He mumbled.

'Wow, that's impressive. I can't wait to hear you play all of them for me...' She smirked feeling him tense.

'You may have to wait a while...' He stated quickly.

'That's too bad as I rather enjoyed how my body reacted as I watched you.' She said purposely making her voice sound husky.

He sighed into her hear, 'Lily...you are despicable.'

She laughed. 'I know I'm sorry. I'll drop it now; just keep it in mind though.'

'Oh I'm sure I won't forget this conversation in a hurry.'

She breathed in and exhaled a long and comforting sigh again. 'I've never felt more relaxed.'

He kissed her head again and continued stroking up her arms, then around her stomach. His fingers lingered there for a moment, he wanted to touch her again, to feel her breasts, to explore her body more, but he didn't want to disturb her comfort. Instead he thought he would try something he hadn't yet.

'Ow!' She flinched as she felt his rather strong hands pinch at her shoulders.

His eyes widened in shock, 'I'm sorry!' He exclaimed.

'Why did you pinch my shoulders?' She said turning around to face him, he was blushing.

'I...er...I was just attempting to give you a shoulder massage to aid your comfort...' he bit his lip mortified.

She smiled and melted into him, kissing him sweetly. 'That would be lovely but you don't have to grip so hard.' She said sweetly turning back around. 'Here mimic what my hands do.'

She slid her hands under the water and gently gripped his thighs; he jumped a little but then relaxed into it as he felt her fingers began slowly massaging them. He groaned, 'mm that feels wonderful.'

He attempted to copy her hand movements on her shoulders. Applying some pressure but not too much. He smiled widely when he heard a reassuring moan escape her lips. 'That's better...' She whispered. He could hear the smile on her lips.

He continued massaging her, she leant all her weight against his chest and her hands slipped from his thighs to her sides. She rested her head on his shoulder. 'That feels so good L, you're a fast learner.' She breathed into his hear.

'I have a good teacher...' His voice had deepened. He was becoming aroused again. He blushed to himself; she will probably feel just how aroused he was soon he thought. It doesn't matter; hopefully she will be too engrossed in her massage to notice.

He feels himself hardening even more and clears his throat. 'Um so what does green day mean?' He asked desperately trying to keep her distracted.

'Oh it means that it's safe for me to have unprotected sex...well as safe as my body tells me. It's an app I use on my phone. It takes my body temperature and then it calculates when it's a green, yellow or red day.'

'And have you used it before? With others?' He didn't know why he had to ask that, that was none of his business but just thinking about her with someone else made his stomach twist.

She smiled, 'No, I haven't used it with anyone else, just you.'

He relaxed a little feeling a fool. Why did that answer make him so happy? He wasn't Lily's first lover after all... and that was something he really didn't like to think about.

Lily could feel his energy had changed; he had become so very quiet. She turned around suddenly to face him. 'It's my turn.' She smiled and winked at him.

He couldn't resist returning her smile with his own, 'for what?'He asked curiously.

'I want to massage _you_ now, it's only fair.' She said silkily.

He glanced down at her naked and wet body, it was glistening and coated with soapy bubbles that covered part of her breasts and between her legs...he almost groaned aloud.

He had to swallow before answering her. 'I enjoy making you feel good Lily.' He said huskily.

She blushed a little, 'I don't think you even realise how sexy you just sounded there.'

His eyes widened, 'Oh I...That was not my intention...' He said quickly, he didn't want her thinking he couldn't control himself around her even though he couldn't really.

She bit her lip and crawled a little up his body. 'Okay so, if you just turn around I'll massage you.'

He gasped suddenly as her hand accidentally nudged him...there...he was fully aroused now and by the look on her face she caught that too.

She looked down then coked at eyebrow up at him.

He smiled bashfully, 'I'm sorry it seems I can't control myself around you.' He said quietly, he wished she would stop looking at him with those heated eyes of hers; she was making it so much worse.

'I like that about you...' She whispered then ran her hands through his long, wet hair. He moaned quietly then felt her lips touch his lightly.

He closed his eyes and brought his hands to grip onto her arms, pulling her closer to him.

However before he could deepen the kiss she had already parted from him, looking at him intensely. 'I really want to make you feel good...'

He breathed out humorously and nodded. 'As you wish...' He went to turn around but her hand pressed down onto his chest.

He looked at her a little confused then jolted as he felt her delicate fingers encase around his hardness. 'Lily...I thought?'

'Sshh just relax.' She said smoothly as she slid down his body.

He gripped onto the sides of the bath to steady himself...was she going to?

He felt her raise his erection up out from the water and began to stroke it up and down.

He groaned loudly as he succumbed to the pleasure. He didn't even recognise the tone of his own voice.

She loved watching him like this. He beautiful face scrunching up with pleasure. The steam coming from his skin, his hair long, wet and slicked back. His skin glistening and beautifully pale. But it was his eyes that made her want to pounce on him now. His eyes were always so intense, watching her, pleading with her, loving her. He was so devastatingly handsome like this. She took the moment to take a mental picture. She would always want to remember him this way.

She kept her eyes on him as she slowly bent down and licked the end of his shaft.

He hissed and jolted again. His eyes had widened and his mouth open. He had begun to pant. 'Lily...' He rasped.

She smiled up at him then slowly took him whole into her mouth.

She felt his hand bury itself in her hair as he whimpered. He leant his head back in abandonment.

She loved watching him so lost in pleasure, so open with his emotions. She loved how he never kept anything back from what he was feeling when they were intimate. She loved the noises he made, but watching him now, his expression pained in pleasure and lust was probably the most erotic he had looked. She couldn't get enough of him; she would do this every day if she could witness that expression on his face every time.

She used her tongue to provide different sensations, his breath hitched, 'Lily...my god...mmm' He moaned attempting to lift his head to look at her again.

Their eyes met, this was so intense. He bit his lip, a curse at the edge of his tongue.

She quickened the pace and revelled in watching his eyes widen again. He instinctively thrust his hips up to meet her rhythm.

His breathing had quickened, he was panting at a rapid rate now. She could tell now from his breathing and whimpers he was close. It was a shame really as she was thoroughly enjoying this moment; she wanted him to remember how much pleasure she could bring him.

'Oh Lily...I'm going to...you better...' He groaned out attempting to warn her of his impending climax.

She was going to pull away but then she wanted to make sure he never forgot this moment, she wanted to show him how much he meant to her, what she would do for him and how much she wanted and loved every inch of him, inside and out.

She had never done this before with anyone but she wanted it with him.

When she kept up her pace and didn't move from him he looked down at her through his hooded eyes, 'Lily?' he rasped out confused before clenching his eyes shut and climaxing. He yelled out so loudly his voice echoes off the walls.

She was surprised how sweet he tasted as he released himself into her mouth. She decided in this moment she loved pleasuring him this way, she loved listening to his pained noises, his erratic breath and his delicious whimpers and groans. God L was addictive. She hadn't been aware of just how much she was in love with him and how much she needed him in her life. Hopefully he needed her just as much as she did him.

He trembled and jolted a little as he came down from euphoria.

She wiped her hand over her mouth and came to straddle herself into his lap.

He brought his head up to look at her. He stroked her bottom lip with his thumb. He had a look of childlike wonder on his face. 'You...allowed me too...you let me...' He stuttered; he couldn't seem to put a sentence together.

She blushed and kissed his lips quickly. 'I've never done that before, you were my first...it just felt right.'

He shook his head still staring at her in wonder, 'I have no words. I've never felt anything so intense...' He breathed.

She shrugged shyly, 'I'm glad you enjoyed it.'

He laughed a breathy laugh. He tenderly stroked her face and came in for a delicious, deep kiss. She moaned against him still very much aroused herself.

She slowly pushed her tongue into his mouth, kissing him slowly and deeply. He started to glide his hand down her stomach; She knew where he was heading but gripped his hand.

'I really don't want to stop you but, I think the water is cold and my hands are all prune-like.' She giggled and lifted her hand to show him.

He frowned and lifted his own for inspection. 'I hadn't even noticed. But now that you mention it...it is cold.'

She giggled, 'come on, I'm dying to dry and brush your hair.' Her eyes flickered with excitement.

'I am baffled as to why that fills you with excitement.' He says as he watched her step out of the tub quickly following her himself.

He hugs her wrapping a towel around them both. She giggles and kisses him again. 'Because your hair is so thick and black, it's beautiful and I'm so envious of it. Plus I've been dying to get my hands on that hair for a while now.' She smiles mischievously.

He rolls his eyes, 'I hope I learn to understand you better Lily, otherwise I'm afraid I will be confused for the rest of my life with you.'

The rest of his life? He just said that right? She embraced him quickly. He would never know how much his words meant to her in that moment.

* * *

She giggled every time he winced and moaned, 'Oh come on Lawleit, it doesn't hurt that bad...' She said running the brush through his hair.

'I have a sensitive scalp...' He moaned. 'This is why I don't brush my hair.'

She shook her head, 'I don't know how you got away with your hair looking so gorgeous when underneath it all was a matted mess.'

'Ow, you know that really hurts!' He whined. 'I can honestly confess this is not where I had wanted the evening to go...'

She laughed again, 'I can hear the pout in your voice!'

He folded his arms, 'I'm not pouting.'

'You are so.' She tickled him quickly making him jump wrapping her legs tightly around him as he sat in front of her on the bed. 'Didn't you already have fun today? Against that wall and then in the bath?' She smirked. She would have him again in a second, but instead she continued to tease the genius and childish man she loved.

He cleared his throat. 'Please don't think I am ungrateful for your affections...but I wanted to return the favour to you...' He said quietly.

'You don't always have to, I wanted to make you feel good Lawleit and it satisfied me knowing that I did.' She kissed the back of his head.

He seemed to relax a little more now as she returned to brushing his hair. He rubbed her legs gently. 'I still want to...' He mumbled after a few moments.

She laughed and nuzzled her face into his neck. 'God I love you and your stubbornness is adorable.'

He turned and kissed her head, rubbing his fingers in her dampened hair. 'You wouldn't say that if you knew the extent of my stubbornness.'

'Well I expect you to be a little more lenient with me...'

'All depends...' He sighed mockingly.

She wrapped her arms around him. 'Two can play at that game.'

They jumped in unison as a loud bang and laughter could be heard outside in the corridor.

'God who is that? We are a floor up from the main corridor.' Lily asked.

They listened to a loud bellowing male laugh and then a shrieking female laughed followed it.

L rolled his eyes, 'It's just Kenzo with one of his...concubines.'

Lily tensed, Kenzo...shit, she had forgotten all about him and what he had done. Should she tell L? Why would she tell him? It wouldn't only make things worse...but she didn't want to keep anything from him. The fact she didn't know how L would react frightened her.

In her musings she hadn't realised L had turned to look at her. When she met his eyes she could tell he was studying her. Shit!

'Lily? What is it?' He asked all seriousness now.

'Nothing.' She answered a little too happily.

L continued staring at her. 'Lily? Something is troubling you...I can tell. Your entire demeanour has changed just from the mention of Kenzo. Why?' He sounded calm but from what she could tell he was anything but. His eyes were intense, his back was straight which meant he was on alert and he was still, so very still.

'It's nothing L, come on I've almost finished brushing your hair.' She said desperately trying to sound calm and content.

He slowly took her hand in his, 'What has he done?' He eyes penetrated hers. He was already angry... She tensed thinking how on earth would she be able to tell him now?


	38. Chapter 38

**Thank you again for being so patient. This chapter was supposed to be completely different but I think this moment needed to be put into here. It's an important moment for L.**

 **I really hope you enjoy and of course I am always wanting to read what you all think! X**

* * *

'L really it's nothing, nothing happened...' She could hear the lie in her own voice, because obviously she couldn't lie to him...it was too difficult, but still she attempted too. She had too; it was for all their sakes. 'It's just he unexpectedly opened up to me in the one session I had with him while you were away...and well let's just say I wasn't expecting him to be so open about himself.'

'Why would that make you physically pale?' He asked, he voice was deep and calm, but his eyes were still alert, intense.

'It was just a lot of information to take in...you know.' She smiled sheepishly.

He stared through her and her into soul, she didn't know where to look, it was as if his eyes were lights, their glare too intense to look at; she didn't know where to look so she settled fiddling with his fingers in her hand.

His voice broke the silence, cutting through it sharply, 'No, I'm not convinced, there is more to this.'

Her head snapped up as he snatched his hand from hers and walked towards the door wearing only his black jogging pants.

Her heart dropped. She didn't even think twice before flinging herself towards the door reaching it just as he had opened it. She slammed it shut leaning heavily against it with her back.

'Please move Lily, if you aren't willing to tell me the truth then I'll have to get it out from him.' He said darkly.

Her heart was beating so fast she rubbed her chest, she could feel the panic rising within her, this is why she didn't want to say anything...and she didn't but he had read her like a book. She had to remember who L was, who she was attempting to lie too. He must have been lied to on countless occasions; he would know what to look out for when someone was lying. So she didn't have a chance in hell. She never wanted to lie in the first place, she knew deep down he would find out eventually.

'L...it was all a misunderstanding.' She began...why was she defending Kenzo? What he did was wrong, he forced himself on her...but she didn't want L to fight, she didn't want to risk him getting hurt and then to have everyone knowing their business.

'Did he touch you?' He sounded almost disgusted.

She didn't want to tell him...it was right on the tip of her tongue but she knew this would all end badly, she knew L wouldn't let this go even if it was just a kiss...

'You said it was a misunderstanding? Did you...did _you_ touch him?' He asked looking utterly broken.

Hey eyes were wide with horror, 'No! L! Of course not!' She yelled. 'How could you think that?' She choked almost.

He exhaled and ran a hand through his clean hair. 'I'm sorry.'

She flung her arms around him, holding him tight. He instantly gripped onto her, holding her so tightly against him.

They held each other for a few moments before he whispered in her ear. 'I'll never accuse you of anything like that again, please forgive me.'

She planted kisses on his shoulder. 'It's alright, please just remember how much I love you, I would never betray you.' She said still clinging onto to him, afraid to let him go.

'I love you Lily, but please, tell me the truth, what happened?' He asked softly.

She shook her head against him.

He sighed heavily, 'I promise I won't go anywhere, we'll get into bed and I'll stay no matter what you tell me.'

She believed him, but she also knew how unpredictable he was. His emotions...when he allowed them to surface were intense. Especially around her. His jealously had already surfaced and overwhelmed him in a blink of an eye... and he doesn't even know about the kiss.

She stepped back a little from him, still keeping herself in his arms. 'You promise? I don't want you going anywhere tonight, I don't want you starting anything...this is your home and people trust you here...I trust you. So promise me again Lawliet, you won't go anywhere tonight, you'll stay right here with me and we will sleep...' She pleaded.

He closed his eyes, it seemed like he was composing himself. She could feel the tension leaving his body little but little as he took a moment to breathe and calm himself. He opened his eyes finally and nodded.

'Okay.' She held onto his hand and led him back to the bed.

They snuggled themselves in. He watched her, patiently waiting for her to speak. She sat up and faced him. 'When I left you at the other house to come back here and look for t-t-the grave.' She said looking at him sadly. His face remained emotionless. 'Well I was upset and he found me in the rain, kneeling in front of the grave. He led me inside'... _she kept out the part where he had carried her; '_ and then we separated and I went back to my room to...pack my things.' She shook her head, ashamed of her behaviour.

He softly took her hand and held it, comforting her. She smiled but was concerned to see his face still bore that same emotionless appearance, it was a little unnerving.

'He came and found me in my room, probably wanting to make sure I was alright and cutting a long story short he...kissed me..' She cringed, it sounded wrong, so wrong now she had said it out loud.

'He forced himself on you?' He asked cuttingly.

She nodded but quickly spoke up, 'It was only a kiss L, he is a fool and he believes that's what all women want...'

'Did you return his affections?' He asked halting her sentence.

She frowned at him, 'L we have already discussed this...' He didn't say anything, she deflated, 'No I didn't, I told him where to go and that's the last time I saw him.' She daren't mention how forceful he had been with her that she had to physically stamp her foot down onto his for him to take the hint and back off.

'The man who beds several women a week forces himself onto the woman I love behind my back. He took advantage of you when you were most venerable, that is unforgivable Lily. No woman should ever be forced upon whatever the gesture.' He sat up suddenly throwing the covers off from him.

'No!' She yelled loudly, he looked back her surprised. 'No, you promised or have you forgotten that already?' She said lowering her voice, really she was panicking, she couldn't have him go off in this state.

He studied her, she was scared he realised and he was making the situation worse, but he couldn't control this rage he was feeling...He was all for justice but deep down he wanted to hurt Kenzo, really hurt him. It went against everything he believed in or at least he thought he believed in.

Being with Lily had brought forward this primal and dominant trait he didn't realise he possessed. She obviously had brought out so much more from within him but jealously was the most unexpected. He was never the type to be jealous. It was probably down to the fact that he was always hailed as the genius, the odd weird kid who kept to himself but exceeded in everything he did. He didn't have the time nor the chance to become jealous of anyone or anything. Even when the other children around him sought Watari's attention and got it, it never bothered him as he knew how much Watari doted on him morning, noon and night. He never asked for it but he never felt as if Watari would abandon him either. He always had that security with Watari and with Wammy's itself.

Now there was no security with this situation. Lily had already ran from him once...what's to say she wouldn't again? What's to say she won't give in to the rehearsed lines of charm and bullshit Kenzo may sing at her?

He felt an awful heaviness upon him, he felt guilty for thinking of her in such a way. She had looked him in the eyes and swore she would never betray him and he believed her, he did.

But knowing what Kenzo had done, knowing how easily he could have taken the most precious person away from him, from right under his nose and wouldn't blink an eye of shame about it? L had never wanted to physically harm anyone as much as Kenzo right now. He thought he had calmed down, he thought he had gained some of his self control back but it was faltering rapidly.

He heard a low growl then a guttural chuckle as soon as these dark thoughts entered his mind. His eyes shot out in front of him, there was nothing there but he could feel ...him..., god, did he feed from this? Did it feed from the negative thoughts that plagued his mind?

 _'_ _Yessss...give in L, give into the anger, you know he would have taken her, you know the things he would have put her body through. You know he would have made her scream his name in pleasure, you know what he could make her feel, and she would never come looking for you again.'_

The voice penetrated his ears and slithered around in his mind. He shook his head and clamped his hands over his ears.

Lily looked over to where L had stared and had frozen in place. She couldn't see anything but she could feel the energy shift, the room had turned cold. She turned back to L who was still clutching at his ears.

'L? What is it?' She stroked his hands wanted to pry them off. He didn't move. His breathing had started becoming louder and more rapid. Cold air blew past her; she shivered and ran towards the bedroom light to flick the switch on flooding the room in a yellow glow.

She hurried back to L and rubbed his arms, 'L? Can you hear me?' She said her own fear becoming difficult to control. She managed to pry one of his hands away from his ear, he was so stiff with his eyes shut tightly. 'L? Can you hear me? What's wrong? Please tell me.'

'It's his voice...it becomes overwhelming, it's poison to my ears, it wants to keep me angry, it wants me to kill.' He said through his clenched teeth.

Lily gulped, she still didn't want to believe in the Shinigami, but she knew L, well she knew him well enough that he wasn't mad and would never make any of this up.

She nodded and got up quickly throwing on her robe and handing him his. 'Come on, I know where to go.' She said as she lifted him up from the bed.

He opened his eyes and looked at her confused, 'What? Where?' He began.

'No don't speak just put on your robe and follow me.' She said tightening the robe around her.

L did as he was told and shuffled his arms into the robe. He stood up and wrapped it around him as she had done.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom door and looked back at him. She lifted her finger up to him as she spoke in all seriousness. 'Don't look or speak to anyone you understand? Just keep walking no matter _whom_ maybe out there. Swear to me detective.' She said sternly looking at him with those piercing eyes of hers.

He gulped a little and nodded, 'I swear.'

'Okay come on.' She said and pulled him from his room.

They descended the spiral staircase from his tower room and headed down the carpeted second floor corridor in silence. L kept looking over his shoulder he could still feel _it_ following them.

They began to descend the grand staircase but then Lily suddenly halted. L looked over her shoulder and noticed Roger walking across the hall speaking with Bertram.

Lily held her breath as they slowly walked past them unaware of their presence.

They both watched the older gentleman walk out of the entrance hall and through the archway leading to the main drawing room.

'Okay come on.' Lily whispered as she tugged at L's hand again.'

As she walked them both around to the sun room a roar of laughter was heard. She knew instantly from the sound and the sudden squeeze L gave her hand it was Kenzo.

She breathed in deeply and planted her face against the glass windows to have a look out of the garden, nothing, no one was out there.

'Hold on a minute.' She said as she released his hand and trotted out of the room.

L watched her leave and closed his eyes again as another bout of laughter echoed through the walls coming from the dining room. Keep calm...keep calm...he repeated mentally to himself. He knew the entity was fast approaching him still, but he felt as long as he stayed calm he wouldn't hear the voice...however this was easier said than done. L was not himself, ever since that thing had made itself known to him...it seemed to enhance every negative emotion he felt, especially when it concerned Lily. It didn't want him happy, that L knew for certain.

He was relieved when he heard Lily's approaching footsteps patting down onto the wooden floor.

'Sorry, I couldn't remember where that switch was.' She said grabbing a hold of his hand again.

'Switch?' He asked frowning.

'Haven't you noticed?' She said giggling a little and pointed out towards the garden.

L's eyes opened in surprise as a familiar array of colours and patterns illuminated the garden. He looked down to Lily who had been watching him with a smile on her lips.

'I'm afraid I am not following you.' He said a little confused, he truly hated being confused.

She rolled her eyes but smiled, 'Come on then, I'll show you.' She opened the door and they both stepped out into the fresh, chilly night air.

The sound of the fountain muted everything around including the infuriating sound of Kenzo's laughter.

Lily closed the garden door behind them and pulled him gently towards the fountain.

They stared up at it for a few moments, watching the dancing patterns of water fall and shoot up. The light show was impressive as ever.

Lily watched him, her concern for him hid behind her smile. She wanted him to have peace.

He looked down at her again, smiling a little as she smiled up at him. 'Why are we here Lily?' He asked speaking a little loudly so she could hear him over the falling water.

'I thought this would be the best place for you to be right now.' She pointed towards the fountain, 'The water will keep the voices out, the water will keep everything out, you can have peace at least for the moment.' She shrugged shyly. 'I hope it works.'

L's mouth drops a little as he understands her intentions. He looks up again at the falling water and closes his eyes. It was working; he couldn't hear the disgusting slurred words of that monster nor could he feel him. It was just them in this moment. No laughter, nothing else existed but them and the water.

The tension left his body in a rush and he was suddenly struck with a wave of emotion that shot up from his chest to his throat. He realised he was on the verge of sobbing. He gripped her hand tightly and threw an arm over his face to hide his shame.

Lily stepped towards him and embraced him tightly, hugging herself to him, resting her chin on his shoulder. As soon as she did he deflated and threw his arms around her, burying his face into her neck.

The laughter and the entity weren't the only things the water managed to mute. L's sobs were also silenced. Lily couldn't hear them, but she knew from his body's jolts and shakes against hers. His fingers gripped onto her robe. She held him tightly, allowing most of his body weight to lean on her.

She rubbed his back, with one hand and stroked his hair with the other. She didn't know how long he sobbed in her arms for but when she felt him start to settle she slowly pulled away from him, still keeping a hold of his arm.

He kept his head down, his face hidden from her as she leant over and reached into the fountain. And pulled out a golden coin.

She didn't know if this was against the rules or anything concerning wishes but she felt this had to be done.

She rubbed the water off from the coin with the front of her robe and took hold of L's hand.

She could see his eyes watching her as she placed the coin into his hand and then closed his fingers around it.

He looked up at her peeking through his hair. She smiled and nodded tilting her head towards the fountain.

L wiped his sleeve across his eyes and turned towards the fountain never letting go of her hand.

She watched him think as he looked down at the golden coin in his hand. She wondered what he would wish for...she never wanted a wish to work so much in her life whatever it was he wanted.

He exhaled and flicked the coin with his thumb into the fountain. The tension seeming to leave his body as he did.

They both stood watching the fountain. She stepped in closer to him again wrapping her arms around his waist. He in turn wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rested his head on top of hers.

The peace and serenity of the moment had him feeling as if a tremendous load had been lifted off from his shoulders. He hated to admit that the rage he felt for Kenzo hadn't completely dissipated but he felt at peace, in this moment with the women he loved. She knew what he had to have. She had taken control and had given him this peace he had desperately needed but hadn't a clue of how to find for himself.

He had survived through so much on his own. He had thought that being L would be enough. That he could handle every disgusting lowlife, psychotic genius or mass murderer that crossed his path. And he did. But he never realised that he would need the aid of someone who loved him to save him from himself. To help him discover and face parts of himself he either hid himself or had been lurking away deep down inside his subconscious. Without Lily he would have never been able to handle these unknown parts of himself and without her he would never have unleashed the part of himself to give and accept love. It has always been love that had missing from his life. Now thankfully he was finally ready to embrace it fully no matter what it cost him.


	39. Chapter 39

**Hello everyone!**

 **I am so sorry about the ridiculously late update but I was battling with pnuemonia! Never had it before so it was quite the terrfying exeprience, i'm feeling much better now thank goddness and I am back doing what i love to do!**

 **Please leave me a review! It would mean so much to me and it will show me people are still reading this and enjoying it! I want to finish this story, so help motivate me! ;D**

 **Thank you all ever so much!**

 **Good to be back. X**

* * *

Lily awoke with a start as her hand reached out to touch L who she thought was still sleeping beside her.

She sat up and looked at the empty space where he had lain; the pillow still had the indentation of his head.

She felt the pillow, it was still warm which meant he hadn't been gone long.

She quickly flipped off the duvets and ran towards her bedroom door pulling on her robe as she walked out towards his room.

She was still half asleep as she stumbled up the spiral staircase. She didn't want him to be alone, not after last night. Although as soon as they had lain down together and held each other he had fallen asleep even before her.

But she had to see how he was for herself. He had been in such a bad way last night, he truly scared her. She was frightened for him and she couldn't help but feel concerned about his mental stability.

What if he was still angry with Kenzo? What if that rage hadn't subsided yet? She couldn't leave anything to chance.

She reached his room a little out of breathe and knocked softly. She waited for an answer but none came.

'L? Are you in there?'

Her heart leapt as she heard familiar shuffling footsteps approach the door.

The lock clicked and L opened the door slowly. He looked...better. She inwardly smiled. His face seemed brighter, and his dark shadows had lessened. He was still shirtless and in his pyjama bottoms. Lily smiled at him.

'Good morning Lily.' He said with a smile in his tone.

'Good morning.' She stroked his face, he leant into her hand. 'How are you feeling?'

He opened the door wider and stepped aside allowing her to come in.

She did and noticed mess all over his floor, sweet wrappers everywhere and also three laptops were scattered on the ground.

'I had a good sleep, so I managed to make some progress with the case.' He said as he stepped in close behind her, pulling aside her robe to reveal her shoulder to which he kissed gently.

She almost shivered, she loved his kisses.

'I can see, it looks like you've been productive.' She said walking towards the laptops on the floor. 'What progress have you made then?'

He walked towards her slowly, 'I've managed to secure a substantial amount of security footage to plant SHS at least three of the murders that we are aware of; also the owner of the Chinese shop he purchased fireworks from is willing to identify him and speak up in court. And with my powers of persuasion I have also managed to twist the Sergeant's arm into allowing me to interview SHS for half an hour in a couple of days.' He shrugged with a smirk.

'Not bad for a mornings work detective.' She gleamed at him.

'So I it would seem, but I have you to thank for that.' He stepped in closer to her running his fingers down her neck gently. 'You always know just how to make me feel better.' He looked her at with wonder again. 'How is it that someone I have known for such a short space of time has changed me so dramatically?' He shook his head studying her almost. His eyes were intense again.

She blushed and looked down at their bare feet on the blue carpet. 'L you must know what you do to me when you look at me like that...' She giggled hiding her face with her hand.

She felt his body push against hers; she could feel his breath on her fingers.

He gently took her hand away from her face and caressed it in his own. She finally looked at him, he smiled. 'I love looking at you Lily and I'll never tire of it, so it seems you're going to have to just get used to it.' He said teasingly.

She huffed and rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling back. 'Well then same goes to you too.'

She could tell his energy had changed; his eyes were hungry and roaming her body before settling on her lips.

She wanted him, of course she did but she hadn't come looking for him for that, he had achieved so much just being alone and away from her and she didn't want to interrupt that.

Making love right now would only be a distraction and she didn't want that for him.

She stroked his face and then held it in her hands and kissed him gently making sure to make it quick.

'I'm so happy your feeling better and have been so productive, so I should do the same too.'

She poked his nose and slid away from him walking back towards the door.

L frowned as he watched her, 'Productive how?' He asked.

'I remember Near had shown some interest in possibly having a session with me so I thought I might go and offer him one today, perhaps he will accept. I could tell he wanted to say more to me but of course he didn't.'

He turned around to face her fully, 'Typical Near.' He said rolling his eyes.

She hummed thoughtfully, 'Yeah he is quite unique; he reminds me a lot of you.' She cocked an eyebrow at him.

'Meaning?' He said not understanding how she could compare the two of them.

'Oh come on can you not see how similar he is to you? He is quiet, lonely and has huge eyes just like yours. I must admit when I first saw him I thought he was your child.' She laughed a little. 'Plus I know he is highly intelligent.'

L looked genuinely shocked, 'Near? My child? What a disturbing thought...'

'What a thought indeed, well I'll leave you to it now okay? I'll come and see what you're up too later on.' She smiled warmly at his somewhat bewildered expression and turned towards the door; she hated leaving him...she wanted him to make love to her again, she wanted that connection. But she couldn't be selfish and Watari's words would always stay in her mind, she never wanted to distract L from being L. She knew he was alright and that was enough to keep her contented...for a time.

As she opened the door his hand slammed it shut again from behind her making her jump. His body had pinned her gently against the door.

'Lily...why the sudden rush to get away from me? Have I done something wrong?' He whispered low into her ear making her shiver. She bit her lip, she must resist.

She doesn't turn around when she speaks, 'Of course not, I always want to be with you L, but like I said I should go and speak with Near, I think he wants me to.'

He slides his arm around her waist and leans into her more. He was making her lose her resolve quicker than she thought.

'What if I need you first? I know I sound like a spoilt child, but I need you Lily. You are the only one who can give me the intimacy I crave.' He rasped the last part in her ear making her melt.

'L...you're not making this easy...' She moaned almost.

He started to kiss her neck as he moved her hair to the side. She gasped and closed her eyes.

His hands came around her, hugging her body to his. She rested her head on his shoulder. He started to suckle and lick the sensitive spot on her neck. She moaned and reached up to grip at his hair.

'Stay Lily...' He pleaded between his kisses.

'Oh L I was trying to do the right thing...' She moaned.

He turned her around quickly and pushed her back against the door, 'What could be more right than this? We should never deprive ourselves from each other. I've gone my whole life without giving myself to someone Lily and now that I have you, that we have each other...'

She cut him off as her lips caught his. He opened his mouth immediately, kissing her back with everything he had.

They couldn't get enough of each other, so much so they fell to the ground in a heap.

They both laugh, 'Ow, why don't we ever start this in bed where it should start?' She giggled.

'Who says it should?' He said moving himself to lie on top of her.

She laughed and quickly turned him over and straddled him. 'Haven't tried this position yet...'

His eyes widened then roamed over her body. His hands rubbed up her thighs as he noticed her robe had become undone.

'You have such expressive eyes Lawliet, I love them.' She leans over him bringing their faces closer.

He blushed a little as he pulled her robe open revealing her delectable cleavage. He swallowed hard.

'What are you looking at detective? Something you want to see?' She asked teasing him as she slowly rested her chest against his, giving him a better view.

He almost growled with want. 'I...'

'yes?'

'I...I think I'm laying on a bag of sweets and it hurts...' He grimaced.

Lily burst out laughing, 'Well I wasn't expecting to hear that. Lift up a bit I'll grab them.'

She pushed her arm underneath him and pulled out a bag of hard, toffee like candies. They were in a see through bag and looked expensive.

She rolled her eyes, 'I don't even want to know how much money you spend on sweets a week.'

'Then don't, it's for the best.' He grabbed the bag from her and threw them to the side.

She laughed again but it soon turned into a moan as he pulled her closer and started to kiss and suck at her neck again.

She gripped onto his shoulders and held herself close to him.

She ground herself against him making him hiss loudly against her skin. 'Ah Lily...' He rasped as he tucked his against her chest and planted kisses over it and licked along her collar bone.

'Oh God L, that feels amazing.' She closed her eyes, relishing the sensation of his mouth and tongue.

He pulled her in towards him and took her mouth again; he devoured her once again, made her lose herself in his passion. Nothing could ever beat the feeling of being wanted, especially the way L made her feel.

She glided her hand down his torso and then rubbed against his hardness. He gasped but it didn't stop his relentless kissing.

Suddenly she felt a vibrating and snatched her hand away. She broke the kiss making him he moan loudly with fraustration. 'Ignore it, it's my phone.'

This was exactly what she had been trying to avoid, she didn't want to become a distraction, he had work to do, very important work at that.

'No L, it could be important.' She dug her hand into his pocket before he could stop her and sat up to look at the screen. It was Matsuda calling.

He sat up along with her, 'Lily I don't care, right now you are the only one who matters.'

'It's Matsuda and I'm sure whatever he has to say will matter.'

'I'm not answering it,' He said stubbornly.

'L...' She frowned at him.

He shook his head looking at in the eyes; she didn't think she could actually win this one.

The phone stopped ringing. She tutted at him.

He shrugged his shoulders, 'if it was really that urgent he would ring back straight away.'

Just as he finished his sentence it rang again as if on cue.

She raised her eyebrows at him and held the phone towards him.

He shook his head again looking away.

'Unbelievable' She muttered to herself and to L's horror she answered the phone.

'Hello.' She said pleasantly.

'Lily!' He shouted at her from under his breath.

She held a finger up to his lip to shush him, he did but earned her a very serious scowl from him, which didn't bother her; he still looked stupidly attractive.

'Oh Hi Matsuda, yeah it's Lily, sorry L couldn't get to the phone on time so I picked it up. He is here now, shall I pass you on? Okay, take care, speak soon.' She placed the phone to his ear smiling.

He didn't look impressed at all as he slowly replaced her hand with his and gripped the phone with his thumb and forefinger.

She loved the way he held things. 'Don't be mad at me.' She whispered and kissed him quickly before attempting to get up from his lap.

He pulled her down again with his other hand as he spoke to Matsuda; the warning look he gave her caused her to remain seated on his lap obediently. He obviously wasn't done with her yet. She couldn't help but feel excited with that thought. And at least she had got him on the phone.

'Matsuda please calm down, I can't understand what you're saying.' He said rubbing her hand with his as he tried to understand the agent's ramblings.

' _L there is something I have to discuss with you but I can't do it over the phone, perhaps Watari should hear this too.' Matsuda said, he sounded agitated and scared almost._

'Alright, 'I'll make my way to you as soon as I can.' L said calmly.

 _'_ _No, I'm on my way to Wammy's right now, this can't wait, and L before I talk to you, please know I did what I had to do to keep you safe, it was for the best and I couldn't tell you even if I wanted too. Please believe me; I did everything I did for the sake of our friendship and for the sake of you.'_

Matsuda quickly cut the call without a goodbye.

Lily didn't like the look on L's face, 'what's wrong? Is he alright?' She asked concerned.

'It seems you made the right decision in forcing me to take that call.'

* * *

L had gathered Watari and Roger into reading room and sat them down.

He had asked Lily if she wanted to sit in but she said she would rather not and go on the hunt for Near and check up on Soot and Eve.

L couldn't help worrying about the whereabouts of Kenzo and what would happen if Lily were to bump into him. He wanted to be there to protect her if she needed it.

But she had insisted she would be fine and that he needed to concentrate on what he had to do at present.

With a final passionate kiss he watched her walk down the corridor and then out of sight.

He turned around and sat down in front of the older gentleman he knew as he his friends and guardians.

'I spoke with agent Matsuda earlier,' He begun as he sat himself down in his usual position, 'and he said he was on his way here to reveal something to me.'

'Did he say what it concerned?' Watari asked.

'No, but he sounded extremely agitated; it didn't sit well with me.' He started to chew on his thumb.

'Did he ask to speak with you alone?' Roger asked leaning a little closer.

'No, he suggested Watari should be present too so I'm afraid you will have to be in the dark about it for now Roger. Until I know what Matsuda has to tell me I will then decide if you or anyone else needs to know about it; it's for your own safety of course'

'Of course L, you don't need to explain, I will keep the children away from you all. Where would you like to speak with him?'

'I believe Watari's office will be the best option, it is more secluded and it's away from any of the activity rooms in the house.'

'Of course.' Roger nodded understanding.

'Matsuda is known to have a sensitive deposition, perhaps this is another one of his...outbursts of panic?' Watari asked hoping it would be than to be something truly serious.

'I had hoped that as well, however something in his voice won't allow me to.'

Watari sighed loudly and sat back on the chair rubbing his nose. 'The waiting around is one of the most difficult things to overcome.'

'That's why had tea brought to you.' L said lightly.

Roger chuckled a little and passed a cup of tea to Watari who accepted it with a smile.

'Very thoughtful of you Lawliet thank you.'

* * *

Lily had asked around for Near but none of the children had seen him. She then asked around for Soot or Eve and someone had pointed her to the music room.

She smiled as she walked towards it, good memories flooding her mind. She had to focus on something good as she couldn't get the look of concern on L's face out of her head. It seemed none of them could get a break, especially L; there was always something to worry about.

As she approached the door to the music room she heard faint giggling. She smirked and peeked her head in and blushed furiously as she found the two teens Soot and Eve locking lips.

She looked away then cleared her throat loudly.

They both jumped up from the stage with a look of horror planted on their faces.

She walked in slowly, 'hey don't worry it's just me, um sorry to interrupt but have you seen Near? I can't find him anywhere.' She smiled sheepishly at them.

Eve wouldn't look at her, she kept her head down while Soot scratched at his neck, he couldn't have been redder. 'Umm yeah he said he was going to try and teach the Koi some tricks, apparently fish can learn tricks.' He said quickly.

'Great, thank you and also I wanted to ask how the both of you are...'

They both shuffle on their feet still not making any eye contact,

'But I can see that you're fine, um I'm here if you need to talk, anytime.' With that she left them to it happy to be away from the embarrassing situation herself.

* * *

L spotted Lily walking across the grounds towards the Koi. He swallowed nervously. Now that she knew what was there would she remember his awful secret? Would she remember how he kept something do tragic from her?

But by the look on her face, he could see she was calm but determined, she must be looking for Near still he thought.

Both Watari and Roger noticed L's straying eyes and turned around to look out the window. L felt mortified and quickly shoved a whole biscuit onto his mouth for comfort.

'Ah Miss Everly making her way to the Japanese garden.' Roger said wistfully.

'Yes so it would seem; she looks to be in a hurry.' Watari pointed out.

'I believe she wants to speak with Near; she said he had shown some interest in her sessions and perhaps wants to talk.' L said with his mouth full.

Both men continued to watch Lily for a few more moments before turning back to him. Roger had a knowing smirk on his face before taking a sip of his tea.

'If she could get Near to open up and have a session with her then I believe she could be a witch. Near doesn't speak with anyone. The most he will speak about anything is to you or to Mello, but that's only to rub his nose in things.' Watari said shaking his head a little.

'And you thought I was bad at socialising Watari.' L murmured.

'You are still but I must say you have improved greatly since meeting Miss Everly.' He raised his eyebrows challenging L to disagree with him.

Of course L couldn't and just cleared his throat and finished off his tea.

Bertram knocked on the door before letting himself in which he didn't usually do, but none of them seemed to mind.

'An agent Matsuda here to see you all.' He announced seeming slightly dishevelled.

'Thank you Bertram please tell him we are coming.' Watari said pleasantly.

Bertram bowed and disappeared into the corridor. L however hadn't missed the butler's appearance or attitude, he certainly seemed off. But he couldn't concern himself with Bertram right now.

The two older gentleman rose up, 'right well good luck and don't worry about any interruptions.' Roger said as he left the room.

'Come then Lawliet; let's hear what Matsuda has to say.'

L had expected Matsuda to seem a little unhinged but he never imagined how white and sickly the agent could look.

'Oh L thank goodness and thank you Watari for allowing to me come and such short notice.' He bowed politely.

'Not at all Matsuda please let's have this conversation in my office.' Watari said as he led the way.

L watched Matsuda. He noticed how tense the man walked, how he couldn't stop fiddling with his car keys in his hands. L hadn't seen his friend in such a bad way for a long time.

When they had reached Watari's office and had all taken a seat Watari spoke up.

'Here Matsuda please have some water, I had it brought in especially.' He gestured to the tray holding three glasses of water.

Matsuda nodded nervously and took a glass in his trembling hands. 'T-thank you Watari...'

Watari nodded and smiled, 'now please in your own time tell us why you had to come all the way to speak with us.'

Matsuda was quiet, very quiet which was very unlike him. 'Matsuda what do you have to tell us? Please your safe here, you don't have to worry.' L urged quietly.

'No but you do L...' Matsuda suddenly blurted out.

Watari and L shared a look for a moment.

'What do I have to be worried about?' L asked feeling curious but not frightened.

'I knew I shouldn't have kept it a secret, but I had too, you would have died if I hadn't.'He said almost blubbering.

'Matsuda you're not making any sense. Please take your time and tell me slowly, why did you have to keep a secret... to save me you said?'

Matsuda looked at L then, his eyes full of fear and remorse. 'It didn't...they didn't tell you the truth.'

L kept very calm but his heart was racing, 'About what?'

Matsuda finished off his water in a few gulps, 'About...her...she didn't die L; she didn't jump.' He whispered.


	40. Chapter 40

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

 **Thank you for sticking with this sotry, means so much to me!**

 **Reviews are always appricieated! :)**

* * *

'Miss Lily!' Kiki yelled excitedly as she rushed towards her through the gardens opening holding a bag of fish food.

Lily giggled at the little girl's laboured trot as the large bag of food weighed her down.

'Hey Kiki, what are you doing out here?' She knelt down to the girl's level as she reached her.

Kiki dropped the heavy bag on the grass trying to catch her breath. 'N-Near said I could stay in the garden with him if I brought him some fish food.' She said panting a little.

'Why does he want fish food?'

'For the fish silly.' Kiki said as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Lily giggled and rolled her eyes, 'I know that but why does he need it now?'

'Well he is teaching the fish tricks, apparently they are smart enough to learn tricks.' She said trying to lift the bag up again with some struggle.

Lily quickly picked it up for her and stood up, 'Here I'll take that. I was just on my way to see Near, he's in the garden then?' She said taking Kiki's hand with her free one.

'Yeah he was sitting next the pond when I left, he's probably still there.' Kiki said excitedly yanking Lily a little faster.

They both entered the garden to find Near still sitting next the pond looking into the water with some thought.

'Near I've brought the food!' Kiki yelled happily running towards the white haired boy.

'I can hear you just fine without you having to shout.' He mumbled without looking up at her.

Kiki ignored him and turned to Lily smiling. 'I found Miss Lily too, she was looking for you.'

Near looked up with just his eyes, he was still as a statue, sometimes he gave Lily chills. He was a very strange boy and very intense...reminded her of someone she knew...

'Is that so?' He said curiously.

Lily forced a smile feeling a little awkward, she couldn't tell if he was happy to see her or not. 'Um here's the fish food.' She puts down the heavy bag next to him on the ground. 'Kiki tells me you're training the fish to do tricks?' She asked wiping her dress down.

'Yes that's right. People don't seem to understand how intelligent fish really are. They can recognise faces, hand gestures and can distinguish different vibrations in the water.'

'That's fascinating.' Lily said truly interested. She knelt down next to Near. He cleared his throat feeling a little uncomfortable with her closeness.

'So the whole twenty second memory thing isn't true?' She asked smiling down at the beautiful, multi-coloured Koi who had all gathered near the surface seeming excited to see them.

'Indeed, it's all a lie. Fish have very good memories and can even use tools.'

'Tools?' She said stroking a fish lightly; it seemed to come back for more.

'Yes, the Blackspot Tuskfish its Latin name Choerodon Schoenleinii, was caught holding a calm in its mouth and then started throwing and hitting it against a rock to open it. It continued this until finally the clam broke open.'

'Wow.' Kiki and Lily both said together.

'So it knew it had to break it open to eat it?' Kiki said amazed.

'Yes, it had learnt it by itself which indicates a higher level of intelligence than anyone had wanted to give them credit for.'

Lily couldn't help but think that statement had a deeper meaning to it. It was just the way he said it, how he was focused looking at the fish and his voice...she could have been reading too much into it, but her gut was usually right. Near was so mysterious, even more so than L. Lily had never seen him smile or laugh, whereas L seemed to do that more often these days...well with her anyway.

She wanted to speak with Near on a more deeper level but of course she couldn't when Kiki was here; she didn't want to firstly risk embarrassing Near for him to then shut down even more and secondly she didn't want Kiki thinking anything was wrong that Near would need to speak to psychiatrist. So it seemed their session would have to wait unless Kiki went back to the house. All she could do was to wait it out and perhaps the opportunity would arise.

Near placed a red plastic ring into the water, 'What's that for?' Kiki asked shuffling in-between Near and Lily.

'I've seen this done with Goldfish but never on Koi. I'm going to attempt to teach this white and red one here,' He points a smaller Koi that had been circling around the surface since Lily had arrived. 'To jump through this hoop. I've already made a bond with it so it trusts me. That's why I required the food; fish are like any other animal where food is always a great motivator.' Near said flicking some of his beautiful white locks from his face to reach for the bag of fish food.

Lily could tell his was really enjoying himself. He didn't smile, instead he smiled with his eyes; they were warm and relaxed.

She allowed Kiki to crawl into her lap as they watched Near entice the fish and feed it treats as it neared the ring, then he would reward it again when the fish put his head through the ring.

Lily was happy that she had stumbled in on this scene instead of having a session with him. It seemed in fact that this was already therapeutic to him. She could tell he had a soft spot for animals; she could have sworn he almost smiled when the fish suckled at his fingers.

She hugged Kiki a little closer and allowed herself to really enjoy this moment. She felt truly at peace and realised she had grown extremely fond of the two children sat with her, in this beautiful garden. She felt such gratitude in that she could share this moment with them and that they had accepted her.

* * *

Everyone in the room had froze and stared at Matsuda. Watari had stopped mid drink, his tea cup still placed at his lips.

Matsuda looked around at all of them then bowed his head shamefully. 'I'm sorry...I don't know what else to say...'

L was still as a statue, all colour gone from his cheeks. He couldn't quite grasp what Matsuda had just said. He had to ask the most obvious question as calmly as he could... 'I-I assume you're speaking about Miss Armane? His voice was gruff; he could barely get the words out.

Matsuda nodded slowly without looking up at him.

Watari seemed to have composed himself and placed the tea cup down on in the saucer carefully. 'Matsuda, are you sure?' He asked slowly.

'I'm sure...I have seen her, I've spoken to her.' He said he voice laced with guilt.

'How?' L asked simply.

Matsuda looked up at him, 'How?' He asked.

L sighed, 'How...how did she?' L couldn't finish his sentence.

Matsuda seemed to understand, 'She was going to jump but she talked herself out of it. Instead when police found her she was admitted into a psychiatric hospital because of her mental instability. She had tried on several accounts to slash her wrists or hang herself which ended with her having to be strapped to her bed for weeks until she finally calmed down.'

L couldn't believe this; he was told Misa Armane had jumped to her death the day after Light Yagami had been killed. 'How was I not informed?' He could hear the anger in his voice. 'Why was I told she had killed herself when she hadn't, when the second Kira was still alive and not in chains?' His voice rose a little at the end.

He calmed slightly as Watari's hand came to rest on his shoulder for a moment as if to say calm down.

Matsuda gripped at his hair, this was obviously much harder on him than anyone else. L decided to speak calmly again, 'Matsuda, tell me, what really happened.'

Matsuda exhaled and dropped his hands to rest them on his knees, 'She sent for me, I was the only one she would speak with. I don't know why she asked for me but I was just as shocked as you when I found out she was alive. So I went to see her, I was already feeling so guilty for not telling anyone about it, but I had to hear what she had to say.

L listened trying not hurry Matsuda; he just wanted to know what she had told him.

Matsuda carried on with a shaky breath, 'When I shown into her cell she wasn't the same Misa I knew. She just sat there, looking out through the window. But she knew it was me as soon I as stepped in. She told me I had to keep her being alive a secret and that she and someone special were working on something big. I didn't understand what she meant and when I asked her she deflected my question. But all the time I was speaking to her I felt cold and scared to the bone, her voice was not hers, it wasn't warm, or girly; it didn't even sound like her.' He shook his head, groaning a little with the memory.

'Here drink this my boy and take your time.' Watari said gently as he gave Matsuda some more water.

L however was feeling not so patient, he had been biting at his thumb relentlessly; it had started to become sore. He tapped one his feet in an erratic rhythm, he just wanted to know what the hell was going on.

Matsuda gulped down some water and continued, 'I had already made up my mind that I was going to call you L straight after, but I couldn't, not when she showed me what she had hand in her hand...'

'And that was?' L asked leaning forward a little.

Matsuda looked him straight in the eyes, his dread radiating off from him. 'It was a torn piece of the Death Note...she still has a piece with her.'

'Dear god.' Watari breathed.

L wanted to scream, he wanted the Death Note and everything to do with it to stay buried with Light Yagami. But now not only was Light haunting him as a Shinigami but Misa Armane was alive and still had a piece with her. The nightmare never stopped.

He swallowed and composed himself, he didn't want to seem out of sorts, but he couldn't help the dread that had built up inside him. 'And I suppose she used it to threaten my life with? I am correct?' He said sounding as calm as he could.

Matsuda nodded, 'yeah...she said I can only tell you she's alive when she calls for me again...'

'And us having this conversation confirms she has done just that; but why now? Why can you now tell me she's alive?' L questioned, he didn't know if he wanted to hear the reason. For whatever it was he knows it won't be good.

Matsuda rubbed his neck in fraustration, 'She wants to see you. She said I've served by purpose and she said goodbye to me, I guess she doesn't know it was me who shot and killed Light.'

L and Watari both shared a look, Watari spoke up first, 'L I don't think it would be wise to go and see her, she will be out for revenge.' He didn't bother hiding how scared he was for him.

'If I don't go she will use the Death Note. I know she will kill me if I don't go.' L said he didn't know how to feel about it all. It was if he was in shock.

'By the look on her face and the way she acted...I wouldn't risk not going.' Matsuda admitted.

'I'll have to fly out to Japan as soon as possible then.' L said taking out his phone, he didn't want to go, he didn't want to face her and the Death note again, he didn't want to leave Lily, he just didn't want anything of this, but he had to see what Misa wanted, he had no choice.

'Oh, no you won't she's not in Japan anymore, they moved her to an asylum in Germany, they didn't want to risk the media or public knowing about the second Kira still being alive. And also she wants to see you on...Valentine's day.' Matsuda felt shame wash over him again, he didn't want to tell L any of this, he hated that he had to be the messenger to Misa's games. And what made it worse is that he had no idea of what she was up too. He feared for L, he truly did.

'Seems like Misa is up to her old tricks.' L sighed sadly. 'I've never cared about Valentine's Day before, but now...' He looked out of the window hoping to catch a glimpse of Lily which was foolish as the garden was on the other side of the land from Watari's office. 'Circumstances have changed...' His sentence trailed off as he remained focused on the grounds.

Watari's heart broke for L. All he wanted was for his boy was a peaceful and happy life. He had finally found love with someone who could not only handle him but show him the love and understanding he has always wanted. Now it could be ripped away from him.

The Kira case had almost destroyed L. Watari himself still suffered awful flashbacks and night terrors from it. But Watari would speak about it with Roger. But L would close up, keeping it all locked within him. He knew Lily had saved him and gave him another chance in life. He would be damned to see it all go to waste now because of some psychotic killer such as Misa Armane.

When L stayed silent Watari spoke up. 'Matsuda why don't you tell me the location of the hospital so we can then make arrangements.'

'We?' L questioned turning now to Watari.

'Yes I will be coming with you; I won't have you go alone.' He said lifting his chin a little.

'And me, I'm coming too and you won't be able to talk me out of it, it's the least I can do considering everything.' Matsuda said sadly.

'Matsuda you seem to forget that if it hadn't been for you along with your fast reflexes I wouldn't be here, you stopped Kira in his tracks; you have done more than enough for me. And this whole thing with Misa wasn't your fault, you just happened to be unlucky enough to be dragged into it.'

Matsuda shrugged, 'I am still coming, I won't change my mind L, you're my friend and you'll need all the support you can get.'

Although L thought it was unnecessary for them both to accompany him he couldn't argue that fact that he did indeed wish for their company, he didn't want to be alone in such close proximity to Misa and the Death Note, the thought almost terrified him.

'Right well now that's settled, Matsuda and I will arrange everything; in the meantime L...there is someone you need to speak to about all of this.' Watari looked at him over the rim of his glasses. 'She needs to know.'

L nodded solemnly. 'I'll go to her now.' He stood up stiffly. To everyone's surprise he tapped lightly on Matsuda's shoulder, a rare form of affection. 'Thank you Matsuda, I imagine it was not an easy secret to keep for so long, you are a good friend.' He didn't give him time to respond as he left the office and shut the door behind him.

* * *

As he approached the garden he could hear laughter. It didn't sound like Near, although he didn't know what Near's laugh would sound like as he'd never heard the boy laugh before. But the one laugh he did recognise made his heart flutter a little, alleviating some of the tight knots within his chest and stomach. He didn't know where he was going to start with all of this. But he had promised never to keep things from her again.

As he rounded the opening to the garden and looked in he was surprised to what he found.

Near had a hold of Lily's hand and was guiding her to do something in the water. He was smiling...L had to blink a few times in surprise. Kiki was standing and jumping up in excitement. He had no idea what had had them so engrossed, but it must have had something to do with the fish.

He hung back a little and observed them; he didn't want to spoil this rare moment. Near had never touched anyone before, not that he knew of, but again this was Lily. She had a way of coaxing people out of their shell.

'That's it now, swirl your finger around like this...yeah that's it.' Near said lightly guiding her hand.

Little giggled, 'He won't do it with me.' She whined.

'He will, just be patient.' Near said slowly letting go of her hand. 'Try it on your own now as I don't think he appreciates so many fingers.'

Lily smiled and tensed up, 'come on Patch, do it for Lily...' She said gently.

A little splash was heard from the pond and they all jumped with excitement.

Lily laughed loudly, 'He did it! He did the trick with me!' She yelled happily.

Kiki hugged Lily from behind, 'Yay I knew you could do it.'

Near smiled a little again and nodded, 'Well done, perhaps you could also become a fish whisperer in time.'

Lily laughed and bumped her arm playfully against his and amazingly Near accepted the physical contact, even bumping her back a little.

L couldn't help but smile, she really did belong here he thought and she would be okay if anything...happened to him. He knew his family would look after her...and hers too. She would never be alone.

'L!' Kiki suddenly yelled his attention back.

She ran towards him and grabbed his hand, 'We have trained the fish to do tricks!'

'We?' Said Near cocking up one of his eyebrows as he petted Patch.

L smiled down at the children before allowing his eyes to rest on Lily. She took his breath away every time he saw her. 'Teaching fish tricks?' He said amused.

Lily nodded, 'Yep and you're looking at a future fish whisperer here.' She said smiling at Near who rolled his eyes playfully.

'Unfortunately you missed the big moment and now we have to stop otherwise the fish will die from eating so many treats.' Lily said as she began to get up from the ground.

L instantly reached forward to help her, taking a hold of one of her arms and lifting her to stand. 'That's a shame, perhaps next time?' He said locking eyes with her. He wanted to kiss her. He needed the connection, especially as he was still digesting everything that had been spoken about in Watari's office.

Lily grinned and blushed a little, 'Yes you will have to allow Near to show you what he and his amazing Patch can do.'

Near didn't say anything. But that was to be expected of him. He slowly plucks out the ring from the water and gave it a shake.

'That's Patch there.' Kiki said pointing the red and white Koi happily swimming about the surface.

L nodded and smiled a little for Kiki which seemed to satisfy enough to sit down next to Near again. 'Can we name all of them Near? Me and you?' Kiki asked him smiling widely.

Near sighed loudly, 'Alright but I don't want any names from your girly films.'

'ActuallyI think it would be nice to name them after everyone at Wammy's. Look that's L because he's black so it matched his hair. And that one can be you because it's white which matchers your hair...' Kiki said pointing to the fish.

'Let me know when you have found one to call after me.' Lily said smiling. Kiki was unbelievably adorable.

'Lily...' L's voice came suddenly.

Lily looked at him, her smile soon fading ad she noticed his somewhat grim expression. 'L? What's wrong?' She asked quietly.

'I have to speak with you.' He said as he pulled her away.

She let him but quickly yelled cheerfully to Near and Kiki, 'I'll see you guys later, thanks for a fun time.'

Near nodded as Kiki waved them off happily.

* * *

She and L didn't speak for a while as they walked through the grounds hand in hand. She had a bad feeling he was going to tell her something awful but she hadn't the faintest idea of what it could be about. She just hoped nothing had happened between him and Kenzo. But from the look on his face it seemed to be something much more serious than that. She just hoped it didn't mean he was in danger although she should always expect it giving who he was.

She looked ahead of her and noticed a wooden swing hanging from a beautiful willow tree. 'I've never seen that before.' She said pointing to it.

L followed to where she was pointing, 'yes it's been here since I was a child.' He said quietly.

She rubbed his hand with her fingers, 'I can imagine how cute you were.'

'Some might agree with you, I wouldn't of course.'

'Of course...' She mimicked.

They reached the swing, she didn't realise how big it was. It could easily fit the two of them. 'Care to take a swing with me?' she asked sweetly.

He looked at her but before he could say anything she pulled him towards it and sat down patting the space next to her wearing a mischievous grin.

He smirked a little and squeezed in next to her, wrapping an arm around her.

They swung slowly back and forth together. She rested her head on his shoulder as they stared off into the distance with the beautiful Wammy house in front of them.

'It's so peaceful here.' She said with a relaxed sigh.

'Yes, it was one of the few places I'd come to when I wanted to be alone. It's funny considering how big Wammy's is, I would sometimes feel overwhelmed by everyone, there were times where I felt I couldn't breathe.'

She squeezed his hand and brought it to her mouth and kissed it. He watched her do it; still her affection caught him by surprise.

'Knowing you the way I do, I can understand how you would want to escapee from everyone and there's nothing wrong with that.' She said softly.

He felt humbled in how she understood him so easily. He kissed her on her head and hugged tightly to him.

After a few moments of silent rocking Lily finally spoke up, 'So what did you want to speak with me about?'

He exhaled through his nose against her hair and closed his eyes. 'Do you recall the name Misa Armane?' He said quietly.

Lily frowned a little remembering the name. 'Yes, she was the second Kira right? She killed herself?' Lily said thinking back to when they had briefly spoken about her.

A few moments passed before he spoke again, 'She's not dead...'

Lily's eyes widened, she looked up at him. He didn't look at her.

'What? I thought you said she killed herself after Kira died?' she said shocked.

'Yes because that's what I was told but it seems the truth had been kept from me.'

Lily listened to the shocking news as best as she could. She hadn't seen this coming at all.

He finished speaking when he looked at her, his expression was grave and she didn't know if she wanted to hear what he had to say.

'She has a piece of the Death Note Lily; she showed it to Matsuda so he has seen it with his own eyes.'

'Shit.' She whispered.

'And what's more, she wants to see me.' He said holding onto her hand with his tightly.

Lily's head snapped up to face him again... 'She what?' She almost yelled.

L sighed heavily, 'She told Matsuda that I could only be made aware of her being alive when she called for him again...'

'L you can't, I mean it's dangerous, she has a piece of the Death Note; she could kill you the moment you step inside that asylum.' She held onto him, clung onto in fact. She tried to keep it together but she was terrified, his life was in danger yet again, but this time it was by someone who could kill him at any time and with reason. She must hate L for defeating Kira. She had a motive and had lost everything which mad her incredibly dangerous and unpredictable.

'If she wanted me dead she would have killed me months ago. She only needs my face and name to kill me of which I believe she knows. Her own Shinigami could have told her my name at any moment.' He wondered then if the white Shinigami was still with her... 'I suspect I am more likely to be killed if I don't go.'

'Oh god I can't believe this.' She buried her head into his chest. 'Just when I thought things might start calming down a little...I can't bare to lose you L...' She said her words muffling into his shirt.

'I can't guarantee anything, but Misa Armane is familiar to me, I know her character and I know how to speak with her. I am confident I will be able to speak with her without causing any aggravation, but I cannot unfortunately tell you what she wants from me. As far I am aware we were enemies, fighting against each other on opposing sides. I can't imagine what she wants t speak with me about but I'm hesitant to say it won't be something I want to hear. I can't imagine anything good coming from this.' He said truthfully.

Lily groaned a little, 'I don't suppose you're going to allow me to come with you?' She said slowly peeling her head away from his chest to look up at him.

He pinched her chin softly between his thumb and finger, 'I believe you already know the answer to that.' he says quietly.

She closes her eyes trying to keep her tears at bay. 'When do you go?' She asks still closing her eyes.

'She has requested to see me on Valentine's Day.'

Lily almost snorts, 'Typical, of course she has.' She opens her eyes and shakes her head. 'Wait that's only two weeks away.'

'I know.' He says stroking her face lightly with his fingers.

'I don't like L; I don't like this at all. I have such a terrible feeling. What if you...' Her voice starts to shake.

He holds her against him tightly, 'Shush, it's alright Lily, I'm going to come back to you.

She wanted to beat on his chest and tell him he didn't know that, she wanted him to promise her he would come back but he couldn't promise her that either.

He held her until she was able to fight off her sobs, she didn't want to always break down in front of him, she wanted to be strong for him and not a blubbering mess all the time even thought all she could think about doing was sobbing into his chest.

'I want to spend every moment I can with you before I leave, I don't want to even think of her. I will worry about that when I am standing in front of her hospital room. But for now it's just you and I. Nothing else matters Lily.' She said stroking her hair, giving her head light kisses.

'It sounds like your preparing to say goodbye...' She says looking up at him.

'I don't know what I am preparing for, but for now there is nothing I want more in the world than to spend every waking moment with you. That's all that matters to me, I am assuming the same applies for you?' He asks hopeful.

She smiles a little and kisses him gently. She pulls back slowly but he wasn't done as he leans forward to keep their lips connected in a tender kiss.

He parts from her lips and strokes across them with his thumb. 'So you want to go back inside? Are you cold?' He asks softly.

She shakes her, 'No I like it here, let's stay her a little longer, it's peaceful.'


	41. Chapter 41

**Hey guys!**

 **Another chapter here...I am not sure how long exactly this story is going to be but I am gussing it's not far off from the end now.**

 **I want to thank you to all of you who have been reading all this time, I truly feel humbled by it all.**

 **I would love to hear any reviews you may want to leave, it truly means the world as writers are nothing without the readers and of course the feedback is crucial for our development in our craft.**

 **Thank you again! X**

* * *

Matsuda had been staying at Wammy's since the day he arrived with the awful news about Misa Armane. But it seemed now he didn't want to leave L's side. He was always around, fussing over him, making sure he was okay and bringing him too many coffees to count for.

This just wouldn't do…

Although L was felt grateful for his friend coming clean about everything he didn't want to be bumping into the babbling agent every time he turned a corner.

He stepped out from his room, listening out for the approaching footsteps of Matsuda... which thankfully never came.

He stiffly walked down his spiral staircase and cracked his back as he reached the bottom. He hadn't slept at all. Lily had wanted him to come and sleep with her but he insisted he needed the time alone to gather his thoughts about everything.

He hated the look of disappointment on her face and hated more the forced smile as she said goodnight with a quick kiss on the cheek.

He felt so desolate without her presence. He couldn't understand why when he spent so much time with her already, but he just hated being away from her.

He shook his head to himself and went to knock at her door. He stopped himself as he glanced down the corridor to the grandfather clock; it was only five in the morning. Much too early to be knocking on anyone's door.

He sighed as he stroked his hand down her door and proceeded to walk down the main staircase.

As his bare feet met the cold floor of the grand hall he heard a crash coming from the servant's quarters.

He frowned thinking nothing of it at first as he continued walking towards the kitchen.

He snuck in and smirked as he found a freshly baked batch of scones cooling on the side surface ready for breakfast.

He knew cook hated when he helped himself before everyone else. It didn't deter him however as he quickly snatched up half of them from the cooling tray.

He knew they wouldn't be sweet enough on their own so he took the freshly made jam too. It was still warm, just how he liked it.

After quickly smothering them in jam he exited the kitchen with haste without putting the jam or the knife he used away. He was in too much of a rush, he couldn't risk being caught. Cook was one unstable woman. She was the only woman that could bring out true terror in him. But still he couldn't resist her scones.

He groaned with pleasure as he scoffed down the first scone, licking up the jam that had missed his mouth entirely and instead stuck to his lips.

Scones always had a funny way of lifting his mood a little, even when his future seemed to be looking so...bleak.

He pushed away those dark thoughts out from his mind knowing they could attract...him. That's the last thing he needed.

He began walking in the direction of the sun room when he hard yet another crash. He stopped mid chewng on his second scone and listened.

Frowning he decided to go and seek out the unusual disturbance placing the rest of the warm scones that were dripping with jam on one of the many wooden tables that were placed around the house, he would come back to them later. None of the servants would be awake now, only cook awoke early to begin baking for the day.

He entered the corridor where the servant's rooms were and was surprised to find Bertram's door open, but no light was shining through.

He stuffed the remaining scone into his mouth and chewed. He knocked lightly on the butler's door.

'Ber-tram?' He called almost choking at the amount of scone still in his mouth, perhaps he should have eaten it two bites.

He could hear whispering but...it didn't sound like it was addressing him.

For some reason the hairs on his neck started to stand on edge as he slowly cracked open the door and walked in.

He was surprised to find the butler's room in total disarray. Bertram was notoriously known for his obsessive cleaning disorder. That's what the children always seemed to mock him for. He always took their jest with humour; it never seemed to bother him.

It wasn't L's place to tell him how to live in his own room. But something certainly didn't seem right about any of this.

Papers, clothes, shoes, even furniture were scattered everywhere, it looked like the man had gone mad and lashed out at everything causing a mess. The curtains hadn't even been drawn...

He walked the length on the room; it was a large room as servants were well looked after when it came to working at Wammy's, Watari wouldn't have it any other way.

L flinched as shard of glass cracked under his foot. He hopped to the bed and sat down expecting his foot, it was alright no glass had embedded itself into it.

A bang had L snapping his head towards the bathroom. There he could see the light was on, he must be inside.

Really he should leave the man to it but something really didn't feel right, he couldn't leave without knowing if the older gent was at least alright.

As he approached the bathroom quietly he could hear whispering, erratic whispering coming from inside. It was Bertram's voice, he could tell even in his whispered tone.

He sounded distressed. L leaned himself against the door as quietly as he could and slowed down his breathing.

'I've done as you've asked. Yes he has already arrived. I believe so...but I'm not entirely sure.' Came Bertram's voice.

Who was he speaking too? Was he on the phone?

'Yes I understand, I will contact you as soon as possible. Yes please trust I am doing the best I can. It's not easy.'

L's back straightened, he didn't like the sound of this at all. He might have mistaken it for an innocent phone call if Bertram's voice hadn't sounded so...frightened. The old butler was scared. Whoever he was talking too was scaring the hell out of him.

As L pressed is head to the door again it creaked slightly causing Bertram to go silent.

L's eyes widened as he clenched his teeth and backs away as quietly as possible.

He could hear shuffling coming from the bathroom but L had already made it to bedroom door and slipped out. He had always been light on his feet.

He hadn't liked the sound of that call at all as he walked back towards the sun room. He knew Bertram had been acting out of sorts lately but it sounded like the old man had gotten himself into some trouble and trouble was not what Wammy's needed.

Bertram had always been gentle, quiet, respectful and professional. But something or someone was causing him distress. L couldn't allow this to go unnoticed. He had been speaking about someone in the house, he knew this; it was plainly obvious from his words. Bertram knew of the consequences of sharing information about Wammy's and its residents to anyone outside of the house, including family.

He would go and share this information with Watari as it was Watari's duty to oversee anyone who worked within in the house and he would decide whether he would allow the butler to stay or not. But L would insist he would be present when Watari spoke with him. Something about his words had him on high alert and he wouldn't allow anyone even Watari to interrogate him alone.

As L ran a hand through his messed hair he sighed and slumped onto the two seated couch in the sun room.

'I think I need a break...a holiday...' He said aloud resting his head back onto the couch staring at the ceiling above.

When life becomes too much for people they go on holiday don't they? Or a weekend break somewhere.

He lifted his head quickly as an idea struck him suddenly. He smiled and quickly shot up and ran back up the stairs.

* * *

'Lily?'

She could hear a voice in her sleep.

'Lily?' There it was again? Who was it? She knew that voice...it sounded so close.

'Lily!'

She gasped and opened her eyes and then yelped as L's face came into focus. He was so close to they were almost nose to nose. He was biting down on his finger and looking at her strangely.

'L? What the hell' she grumbled.

She tried to move her legs but found he was straddling her. She looked up at him and frowned. 'L? Why are you on top of me? And why are you smiling like that? It's kind of creepy.'

He didn't drop the smile; instead he leant forward even more. 'What would you say about going on a mini break...with me?' He bit down on his finger and waited with wide eyes for her answer.

She rubbed her eyes sleepily and not sure she heard him right as he was whispering. 'What?' She asked finally able to open her eyes fully.

His hair tickled her face as he leant down, 'I want to take you on a mini break.' He said slowly.

'You mean just us?' She asked suddenly liking what she was hearing.

'Yes...just us, somewhere away from everything, somewhere it can be just us and no one else.' He said wistfully, he didn't even sound like himself, but she couldn't help smiling back.

'Yeah, that would be amazing' She said whispering back to match his tone.

He dropped his finger form his lips and smiled brightly, his eyes lightening up with excitement. 'I'm so happy you said yes.'

She smiled up at him and yawned. 'What brought all this on?' She couldn't help enjoying the weight of him on top of her, her thoughts had started turning to heated ones already...he seemed to bring it out of her.

L seemed to notice the sudden flush in her cheeks but continued talking as if he didn't. 'I...just...I've had enough to be perfectly honest with you. I need a break and in all my years of being L I never believed those words would leave my lips.' He frowned looking away.

'L your human, everyone needs a break. From what you and everyone have told me you have always worked...you've never taking a break from anything. And with all that's happening...I think you bloody deserve one.' She said stroking his face and playing with a strand of his hair.

He nodded and focused back on her, 'I want to leave tomorrow.' He said with a finality on his voice.

'Tomorrow? We can't you're having your interrogation with SHS remember? Plus it's too soon, we haven't decided on anything yet.'

'It's due early tomorrow morning. It will still be morning when I'm done with him.'

She went to speak but he placed a finger on lips, mimicking what she had done to him yesterday morning.

'I have no qualms about leaving the country while he is imprisoned. Watari will notify me if anything occurs. I want this to be about me and you Lily. Like I said I want to spend all the time I possibly can with you before I go to Germany...' His drifts off looking away.

She sighs and pulls him down for a cuddle. She didn't want either of them thinking what was to come. L deserved to be happy for once and she would go with him wherever he wanted to go. Getting away from Wammy's with everything that was going on was just what he needed.

He snuggled into her neck and breathed in her scent. He shifted his body to lie down next to her taking the weight off of her.

'Mmm this is nice.' He purrs almost.

She smiles and kisses his head as it rests against her chest. 'So...where are we going?'

He smiles against her, 'our first stop will be London. I want to take you shopping.'

She giggles, 'Shopping? L I don't need anything.'

'You will require certain clothes and equipment for where we are going.'

She was curious now, 'Oh? Where is that then?'

He looks up to face her, 'it's a surprise, you'll find out tomorrow.'

'I want to know now.' She moaned childishly, she hated being kept in the dark even if it was a surprise. Perhaps her mother had spoilt her too much.

L smiled, his hair falling a little over his face. 'How adorable you are Miss Everly when you pout.' He poked her lips playfully.

'I'm not pouting...' She grumbled.

He flicked his hair from his eyes, 'Hmm perhaps I can alleviate that pout...' He said as he softly kissed her.

She didn't kiss him back purposefully.

He leaned back to look at her, a mischievous smile on his lips.

She tried not to smile back but it was hard when someone as delectable as L was smiling at her like that.

'Hmm, perhaps I'm not trying hard enough.' He teased coking his head a little in thought.

She raised her brows arrogantly.

He was then upon her, his mouth caressing his lips with his. His hand weaved into her hair while the other held her close to him at her hip.

It was useless trying to fight him off now as kisses were so passionate and full of love. She melted into him and began kissing him back.

Of course she wanted to deepen the kiss but that usually lead to things becoming hot and heavy and she didn't want to assume that's where his mind was going. Just because she could pounce on him every time they were alone didn't mean he wanted too.

However as he hand began sliding up towards her breast she couldn't help but inwardly smile.

He stopped just under her breast...was he still shy she wondered.

She deepened the kiss, pushing her tongue into his mouth as soon as he opened it. This was her way of telling him he could touch her, that she wanted more.

He moaned softly against her seeming to understand and slowly began caressing her breast. 'I missed you Lily, I've needed you...' He says sounding almost pained.

She had missed him too, their connection, their support and love for each other. 'You can always have me Lawliet, I always want you.' She said between their lips.

He chuckled a little as he leant back and pulled up her nightgown further revealing her warm, soft skin to him. His other hand began to glide down her body causing her to shiver with anticipation.

'I'll never tire of hearing those words, they are truly addictive. Also...' He looked up and kissed her softly, 'No matter how many times we share these moments together I simply cannot fathom why you love me Lily. Sometimes I think it's all a dream or that I have died and this is...Some sort of afterlife...a limbo. It terrifies me beyond comprehension that this could all be an illusion. That you...' He strokes her face, studying her every feature. 'You aren't real...'

'Of all the things you have to worry about Lawliet...me being real and here with you is not one of them; nor is my love for you, you should know this by now, you should feel it.' She said stroking his lips lightly with her finger. 'Now can you stop with worrying about something that's not even true and kiss me?'

He smiles and sighs happily, 'I'm happy to comply my darling.'

Her cheeks flame from the use of such an affection term, she giggles as he kisses her again. 'I like the sound of that on your lips.' She admits shyly.

'I'm glad...' Then he delves in for a passionate kiss earning a moan from her.

Okay he had taking it up a level now he smiles against his lips.

He tentatively slides his fingers inside her folds and gently begins stroking her.

Although his touch was ever so soft it felt like a wave of electric energy soar through her.

She moaned against his lips and gasped as he moaned back into hers. He was becoming just as lost as she was.

She broke the kiss to breathe and laughed a little, 'you realise...we have finally started this on a bed...'

He kissed around her beck and collar bone, 'so it would seem.' He said with a hint of humour.

He began rubbing her sensitive spot, applying more pressure. She instantly reacted by gasping and gripping onto his shirt, pulling his body towards her. 'L...Mmm,'

'You have no idea how stunning you look when you're like this.' He said watching her with captivated eyes.

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

'Yes Lily, you're so radiant. The most exquisite being I've ever come across. And what's more, you love me.'

'L...do you want to make me cry? Your words are so beautiful.' She choked a little looking at him. His eyes were impassioned and full of adoration. She could barely keep contact with time.

He smiled lovingly and took her mouth as he began stroking her again. 'This time I am going to make you feel good and nothing can stop me...' he said raising his eyebrows in defiance.

'L!' Came a shrill from downstairs.

They both jumped up with panic.

'L! You get down here right now!'

Lily looked at him with concern, 'Who the hell is that? Why is she screaming at you?'

L paled and then quickly hid himself under the covers, 'It's cook, you must hide me.'

Lily laughed while attempting to pull back the covers, but he held them tightly over him. She glanced at the clock beside her, 'It's only six in the morning! She's going to wake up the whole house.'

'This is not the first time...I'm afraid I'm not going to be very popular today.' He said, his voice muffled coming from beneath her duvet.

Lily lightly smacked him on the mound where his arse would be, 'What did you do?'

'Nothing terrible, I just simply helped myself to the freshly baked breakfast scones. They are for the house after all.'

'How many times have I've told you not to touch the scones? They weren't even ready and you have stained the table with jam!' Cook hollered her voice was fast approaching.

'I think she's going to your room, she must be really angry.' Lily tried not to snort with laughter.

L quickly sat up still with the duvet wrapped around him with only his head peeking out; he looked utterly adorable and hilarious at the same time. His eyes were wide with panic.

'Hurry Lily lock the door, when she finds I'm not in my room she'll come looking for me here.' He said hastily.

'L she won't come barging in here...I'm the guest remember?'

'You don't know cook...the woman is unhinged.' He said lowering his voice.

They listened as her heavy footsteps passed her door, 'Oh my god she's actually going to your room.' Lily said laughing in surprise.

'As I said! Hurry lock the door, please Lily, my very life is on the line.' He said dramatically.

She rolls her eyes and gets up from the bed, 'You know I think you're more scared of cook than you are of the murderers and psychos you deal with.' She said locking the door.

He sighed with relief still huddled into the duvet. 'Thank you, you have saved me this day.'

'Well hopefully I can be rewarded somehow.' She smirked folding her arms over her chest.

He smiled and reached out his hand, 'come here then.'

They both jump as her door is hammered upon. Lily yelps and runs to the bed. L throws the cover over her too and they huddle together facing the door.

'L! I know you're in there, I don't care how superior you think you are, you don't touch me scones!' Cook bellows again.

Lily glares at L beside her, 'Don't you ever come waking me up again you crook.'

He looks at her guiltily, 'I haven't even revealed the strangest part of the morning yet...'


	42. Chapter 42

**Another chapter here.**

 **I had these ideas just pop inot my head and thought it would be fun to put L through some more things he's never done before...poor L. It's hard trying to fit in with the normies sometimes. He's got a lot of learnig to do and a hell of a lot to deal with still.**

 **Let's all support him with love! :)**

 **Thanks for reading! X**

* * *

'I really need to get in the shower...' Lily grumbled stretching lazily on the bed.

L resting next to her glanced towards her and slowly smiled.

She looked at him and snorted, 'No you can't come with me.'

'How did you know what I was thinking?' He asked sulking.

She giggled and poked his nose playfully. 'Because I know you Lawliet, well I at least can recognise when your thoughts turn a little...risqué.' She winked at him.

He blushed and looked away staring up at the ceiling. 'I've always been told I am unreadable. A blank canvas.' He sounded perplexed.

She laughed, 'well I imagine not many have witnessed and experienced the things we have together...'

His blush grew a deeper red, 'No you're correct there.'

She tickled her fingers up and down his chest and torso causing him to shiver.

After the somewhat terrifying experience with cook banging on the door they had retreated back to bed and surprisingly fell asleep.

Sometime in the morning L had removed his shirt much to Lily's delight then proceeded to spoon with her for a couple of hours for some much needed rest. He always slept so well when he was with her; perhaps she would agree to make it a regular thing he had thought.

They had been speaking for about an hour now, the subject focusing primarily on Bertram and his unusual behaviour.

Lily hadn't liked the sound of the conversation L had overheard either.

'All I can say is that it sounds really suspicious and I believe you're right when you said he was speaking about someone in the house. I mean it sounds like he's speaking about either you or Matsuda. The whole "he's arrived" thing is kind of a dead giveaway, but then again it's just my personal opinion.'

L hadn't added much to the subject matter much after that as he had to speak to Watari before he could come to anymore conclusions.

Lily casually repeated her stroking up and around his chest and stomach seeming unaware of the torture she was putting him through.

'Lily...' He rasped slightly.

'Hmm?'

'I'm afraid if you don't stop with your sensual strokes I'm going to lose myself.'

She giggled and nuzzled her face against his chest, 'I'm sorry, I was just enjoying the feel of your skin.' She kissed his chest.

He slowly buried a hand into her hair and embraced her against him. 'Are you quite certain you don't wish for me to accompany you in the shower?' He asked coyly.

'I would love for you too, but we have to get things prepared if we are going away tomorrow. We've got to tell Watari and Roger for one thing and I was hoping to try and track down Near again...if I can find him...'

'He's known to be elusive so I wish you all the best of luck with that.'

She smirked against his skin, 'Thank you for your support.' She said her tone full of sarcasm.

She lifted herself up on her elbow and looked down at him. She smiled as he looked back at her with relaxed eyes and steady breathing. His skin had a glow to it and his smile was genuine and content.

Before she could say how beautiful he looked he met her lips with a tender kiss. He cupped the side of her face with a hand as he rubbed his thumb softly against her cheek. As their lips separated they rested against each other's forehead and closed their eyes.

'I could stay with you like this forever.' She said dreamily.

He continued caressing her cheek with his thumb, 'I feel the same. I never want to be without you in my life Lily Everly.' He whispered softly kissing her slowly.

'I don't think I could actually function without you now...' She giggled lightly.

He chuckled deeply, 'I know I shouldn't say it but I'm happy to hear it.' He smirked. 'I feel the same way without a doubt in my mind.'

* * *

Lily finally managed to peel herself away from him after another bought of kissing and caressing.

He watched her with a longing inside him as she closed the bathroom door, he was desperate to join her but he also knew he would never invade her privacy.

He's restrained himself for years what's another day? That's how long he had given himself; he didn't think he could last more than a day until he had to have her again. He was desperate for that connection with her. It seemed she had opened his own personal Pandora 's Box concerning his sexual appetite...it was only for her however, he couldn't imagine ever giving himself to another; the thought almost repulsed him.

He listened to the water running seeming completely at peace as he lounged in her bed, it was very unlike him but he didn't want to leave her. He was comfortable and there was nothing he needed outside of this room.

He closed his eyes attempting to succumb to meditation when Lily's phone began to vibrate next to him on the bedside table.

He leant over to look at the screen, his stomach dropped when he read _Mum_.

Doctor Everly...; he hadn't spoken with her since she left to tend to her father all those weeks ago. Was she even aware of him and her daughter's relationship?

Lily hadn't said anything to him about her; all she had said was that she had exchanged a few text messages here and there. As far as he was aware she hadn't mentioned anything about their relationship to her mother and for some strange reason that struck a chord with him.

He allowed it to ring, he wasn't about to answer her phone...especially to her mother...; what would he even say?

He would just inform Lily as soon as she got out from the shower.

However the phone began to vibrate a second time and again he ignored it. Then it rang a third time.

Oh Lord, what if something was amiss? Perhaps he should just quickly tell her that Lily was indisposed and she would ring her back as soon as possible...

He sighed and quickly answered the call, 'Yes?' He said casually, although his heart was hammering in his chest.

 _'_ _Hello? Who is this?'_ Doctor Everly asked; he could hear the subtle concern in her voice.

'It's Ryuzaki...Doctor Everly.' He said quietly.

There was a pause before she began to speak again, _'oh...Ryuzaki, I wasn't expecting you to answer Lily's phone.'_ She said a little curiously.

He swallowed feeling ridiculously awkward, why did he answer the phone? 'Err yes..., my apologies...um... it's just I was next to Lily's phone when I saw your name flash on screen; I was going to ignore it but because of the numerous attempts to contact her from your part I thought it best to answer...in case it was urgent...' Lord why did he sound so guilty, it was the truth but it just sounded odd.

Again there was a pause; he gripped the phone a little harder with his finger and thumb. This woman made he him nervous.

 _'_ _I see, that was very considerate of you Ryuzaki thank you.'_

He nodded and rolled his eyes thinking how foolish that was, she couldn't see him. 'It's fine. Are you well? How is your father?' He asked attempting to sound as light as possible.

 _'_ _He is recovering well thank you, he didn't lose his ability to speak thankfully and he is having physiotherapy several times a week. The doctors are impressed with his recovery.'_

He smiled a little, she sounded calm at least. 'That's very good to hear.'

 _'_ _So is Lily around?'_ she asked finally.

His eyes widened then...what did he say? He couldn't tell the she was in the shower and he was waiting on her bed like some pervert...damn what should he say?

'Err I'm not sure where she is...she left her phone downstairs...I believe she was going to look for Near who is one of the children here...he wanted to speak with her about something...' And here he thought he was actually a good liar; he was usually however he couldn't help feel that he was failing miserably, he prayed he at least sounded convincing enough.

 _'_ _Oh I see...'_ She said absently.

He glanced towards the bathroom door willing it to open, come on Lily!

'Is anything wrong, I can go and look for her right now and have her call you back.' He said quickly hating the silence between them.

 _'_ _No nothing is wrong, but if you could ask her to call me back when she can I would be most grateful.'_

'Of course I will.' He said nodding again.

 _'_ _Although I am now happy you answered the phone Ryuzaki, as I have been meaning to speak with you for some time now.'_ She said much to his surprise.

He clenches his teeth, he really didn't like the sound of that, he swallowed nervously before answering, 'Oh really...what was it you wanted to speak with me about?' He didn't want to ask it...but what choice did he have? This was the mother of the women he loved; he had to at least make a good impression on her. He knew it was important to get along with the "parents"...he had read enough books to know that at least. Even Watari had mentioned it to Mello at some point...but he couldn't recollect when.

 _'_ _Well firstly I would ask you to forgive my forwardness as I am speaking from a mother's point of view and not your doctor._ ' She said rather brashly.

He gripped onto the phone a little harder, his stomach twisting a little. 'Um of course.' He managed to say. Was he sweating? Why was he so nervous? This was becoming ridiculous.

 _'_ _I'll just come right out and ask it, I would like to know what your relationship is with Lily. Because Ryuzaki from what she had told me...and from what I am coming to understand is that your relationship far exceeds that of a doctor and patient. Am I wrong?'_

This woman was smart...L gulped, he glanced over to the bathroom door again, desperate for it to open. What was taking her so long?

'Well...I...you see...' He begun, but his words wouldn't form a sentence. He felt completely tongue tied .What did he say? Would Lily want her mother to find out this way from him? What if she wanted to tell her? But surely Doctor Everly would know he was lying thus destroying all future attempts to befriend her...oh why the hell did he answer the damn phone!

 _'_ _Ryuzaki? Are you still there?'_ She asked knowing full well he was.

He sighed heavily; feeling defeated what could he do? 'You see Lily and I have grown very close...' He began. He waited for her to speak but she remained silent. He bit his lip, was she angry? He continued, clearing this throat. 'So in answer to your question, I can only answer no, you are not wrong. Lily and I are...' He clenched his eyes shut, he couldn't finish the sentence; he was half expecting her to scream or yell at him. But it never came. The silence however seemed to last forever before she spoke again. He was relieved when she did.

 _'_ _Together?'_ She asked with an obvious finality in her voice.

He nodded again, 'Yes.' He said meekly. He could feel the heat in his cheeks.

 _'_ _I see...and do you love my daughter?'_

The question caught him completely off guard causing him to drop the phone which he dove like a madman to pick it up banging his knee on the bedside table which caused a glass of water to spill all over his leg...he gritted his teeth holding back a pained curse. He was a sweating, wet mess.

' _Ryuzaki? Are you alright? What was that bang?'_ Doctor Everly asked concerned.

He blinked back a few tears and rubbed his knee vigorously. After a moment he was finally able to speak although his voice must have sounded a little hoarse. 'Apologies, I dropped the phone...' He said trying his damndest not to answer through gritted teeth.

 _'_ _Ah alright.'_

He was very much aware she was awaiting his answer; he had to get his self together and fast. He coughed a little before answering with a shaky voice, 'I...do... love your daughter more than anything in world...she means...everything to me.' He said feeling his heart hammering in his chest.

Again silence and what a long silence it was, this was torturous. He had truly never felt so nervous except for when he and Lily had first made love...but he really shouldn't think of that right now.

 _'_ _I am happy to hear that but you must realise I have some concerns. I trust now Lily is not seeing you professionally anymore?'_

He thought for a moment...when was the last time they had a session? It was a while ago now so... 'No, I am no longer having sessions with her.' He hoped he sounded convincing as he himself wasn't sure about how truthful that statement was. Lily hadn't mentioned holding any other future sessions with him for a while now and in truth he felt he didn't really require them any longer. Considering everything that was occurring around them he was feeling increasingly mentally stronger and he knew he had Lily to thank for it. She had certainly achieved what she had initially come here to do.

But what happened between them was a true miracle, a gift, something neither of them had seen coming. He realised how in love with her he really was as he could never imagine carrying on with life without her; he just couldn't see a future without her in it and he didn't want too.

He wanted to confess all of this to Doctor Everly but he kept it back, perhaps it would be just too much to take it all at once.

 _'_ _I'm relieved to hear that at least.'_

He swallowed again nervously before he put this question to her, but he had to ask it, 'Do you not approve Doctor?'

She sighed heavily down the phone, _'To be perfectly honest with you Ryuzaki I have to say I am not thrilled by this news. Also I wish my daughter would have told me earlier...although I have to say I already had my suspicions a few weeks ago. It's just the way she spoke about you; I could hear the affection in her voice.'_ She said sounding sad.

That hurt him; it truly did, to think how she wasn't happy to hear they were in love. If it were anyone else he wouldn't care at all. But this was Lily's mother so it meant something to her and it meant something to him. He wanted to be accepted but her family, he wanted to show them that he could love Lily more than anyone ever could, that he would literally die for her.

He sighed himself, 'Doctor, I realise I may not have been the man you had wanted for your daughter. I know I am not exactly of the norm and that's not even including my...job. However Lily and I began as friends and then something blossomed between us so quickly I had a very difficult time coming to terms with it myself. I am sure you can understand.'

She chuckled a little surprising him, _'Oh I can certainly believe that Ryuzaki, giving what I know of you.'_

'Yes...but please believe when I say I would do anything for your daughter's happiness and I would never ever stop her from leading the life she wants to live. As long as I have her love and as long as she accepts mine I am satisfied.'

Another pause...a long pause... _'I believe you I do and if you make my daughter happy then I won't stand in the way...'_

His heart leapt up, 'That's very good to hear Doctor thank you.'

 _'_ _you're welcome and now perhaps you could do something for me...you see my parents and I miss Lily ever so much and we wanted to know if you BOTH would come down ad stay for a few nights? It would make my father especially happy and if you truly mean the things you do I think it's only natural to come and meet the family.'_

His eyes widened with horror. Of all the things she could have asked for...she had to ask for that! Gatherings...family gatherings he just didn't do, had never done. He would have to be completely himself, he couldn't be L...he couldn't order people about or control anything around him. He would be completely bare for all to see, he would gather attention because he was now involved with Lily...he was the new boyfriend...

 _'_ _SO Ryuzaki...what do you say? Will you bring my daughter to me and come and meet the family? It will only be for a couple of nights or so, I know how busy you are.'_

What of their holiday and everything they were planning for? He didn't have a lot of time to be with her before his dreaded trip to Germany...this was supposed to be about their time together...but what would Lily want?

He heard the shower finally shut off, his heart was hammering again, he had to get off the phone before Lily caught him...he had to at least explain himself and what was said between her mother and him.

'Er okay, of course that would be...interesting, thank you Doctor.' He said, he couldn't keep the trembling away from his voice.

She chuckled a little, ' _I realise it's a big ask but please believe when I say you have nothing to worry about and that it means so much to me truly.'_

'You're w-welcome Doctor.' He said staring intensely at the door.

 _'_ _Oh and Ryuzaki please call me Vivian or Miss Everly if you prefer...'_

He closed his eyes blushing furiously thinking of the times he had seductively called Lily Miss Everly. 'Thank you... Vivian. I shall tell Lily to give call you back when I see her.'

 _'_ _Thank you, I'll look forward to seeing you, let me know when you are coming.'_

'Sorry I took so long, I decided to give my legs a shave...' Lily said walking into the room towel drying her hair.

She frowned a little when she spotted L sitting nervously on the bed... 'L are you okay?' She walked towards him and stroked his hair. She spotted the wet patch on his leg. 'Why is your leg wet?' She asked a little amused.

He looked up to her then, his expression filled with guilt. 'I...just got off the phone to your mother...'

'What?' She frowned as she picked up her phone to look at it, it was warm. You answered my phone? Why didn't you just ignore it?' she said a little confused, she didn't expect him to want to talk with her mother.

'I was concerned as she kept ringing constantly; I thought something might be wrong.' He said pulling his knees up to chest and resting his head on them.

'Well...that's quite sweet actually.' She said stroking his hair again before throwing her towel over her dressing chair. 'I bet she was surprised to hear from you.' She said giggling a little.

He watched her begin to brush through her wet hair, she didn't even seem concerned. 'Are not you not upset with me?' He asked tilting his head a little.

She snorted, 'No, why would I be? You were concerned, I find that very sweet.' She winked at him before turning towards the mirror again.

He scratched his head shyly. 'Well...we spoke about...certain things...'

'Oh?'

'Lily...I told her...well she asked me and I couldn't very well lie to your mother...' He spluttered out.

She turned to him again, 'What? What did you tell her?' She asked a little too seriously.

He sighed and forced himself to look at her, 'She knows about us. I had to tell her. I told her I loved you.'

Lily raised her eyebrows but he continued before she could say anything. Everything starting coming out all at once.

'And she invited us to go and visit them, she wants me to meet your family, she wants me to be the normal boyfriend and she wasn't happy at first but then it sounded as if she was...I don't know if she hates me or accepts me, but I know she loves you and wants the best for you...and your family will probably hate me as everyone usually does when they first meet me...' he was a spluttering mess.

Lily calmly walked towards him as he continued his ramblings.

'She misses you and I agreed to come but now we have to delay our holiday and I don't know how to act around...a family who want to know about me. I don't have any hobbies or interests except for being L...that's all I am. I am not normal, I don't speak about normal things, I don't think I know how to. I am rude and what if I am so rude I give your grandfather another stroke and he dies?' He hides his face in his hands and groans.

Lily had to hold in her laugh at the last part. She sits beside him on the bed and rubs his back gently. 'See this is what you get for answering the phone...' She said amused.

He picked his head up frowning at her, 'I don't understand how you could possibly joke at a time like this...I don't think you understand the seriousness of the situation. This is going to be a disaster...I don't know how to be normal Lily...' He moans closing his eyes and burying his head into his hands again.

'Who said anything about being normal? You are you who are and I wouldn't want you to act like anyone else...'

He shook his head, his words muffled by his hands, 'you say that now, but you'll soon learn I do not fit in well into the family environment, I don't even fit in here and this house is full of oddities you recognise as children.'

She smirked again, 'L look at me please.' She said stroking his hair.

He sighed and lifted his head, his dark eyes locking onto hers. She couldn't help but to kiss him tenderly hoping to alleviate some stress.

It seemed to work as a small hum came from him. She smiled and tucked his hair back behind his ears to see his face properly. 'Listen to me, you are an extraordinary person. Highly intelligent and believe it or not your funny too.' He shook his head but she continued, 'No wait, let me speak.'

He nodded focusing on their entwined hands.

'You cannot believe how proud I am to walk beside you, hand in hand. I am your girl, I am L's girl and I know I am speaking from my ego here but it fills with me with such pride and joy that you have fallen in love with me...that you being who you are have fallen for me. Never in my life did I imagine someone like you completely taking over my heart. But here we are.'

'Oh Lily...' He blushed again nuzzling his face against her cheek. 'I am the lucky one.'

She smiled and kissed his cheek, 'I am lucky too and I am happy to show you to my family. You're the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and they have to know that. No matter what happens, or what is said or what you break...' She smirks at him, he blushes and looks away.

'It's about us, just us. Yes we have a lot of things to go through before we can truly relax and settle down and think about our future, but we have to live for the moment, we have to be in the present and you Lawliet...if you truly want it...have the opportunity for a "normalish" life.'

He looks at her, his eyes filled with emotion. A normal life? What would that mean? What would that feel like? Could he still have a normal life with Lily if he remained as L? Or perhaps he may consider...walking away from the life he's always known.

That wasn't what she was asking him to do, far from it. He knew she would have him whatever he decided to do. But now the thought had arisen and he was very much aware of its presence. Had he truly had...enough of being L? Had he had enough of hiding in the shadows? Of having his life and that ones he loved always in danger?

This was all too much to think about now...what was important was how to get through this...family gathering.

She waved a hand in front his face. He blinked a few times before focusing back onto her again.

'Lost you for a minute there...' She said stoking his hand with hers. 'So...what do you want to do? I can always call my mum back as tell her you're too busy to go...'

He shook his head, 'No, I want to do this for you Lily...I can do this...well I'm at least going to give it my best shot.'

She shook her head smiling and hugged her arms around his neck. 'You never cease to amaze me.' She said into his hair.

He buried a hand in her wet hair and closed his eyes, sniffing at the shampoo she had used. 'I can say the same for you...'

She kisses his neck causing him to shiver. She giggles and looks at him. 'But I still want to go away from our mini break...so as soon as we leave my family home we're off yes?' She beamed at him.

He smiled back, 'Of course, the moment we're out of the door.'

* * *

L sat in the reading room deep in thought. He popped a lolly into his mouth and began to ponder on his life and how it just kept hitting him with obstacles he never thought imaginable. It was especially stressful because they seemed to be just coming one after the other, never ceasing their onslaught.

He knew he would probably have broken down if it weren't for Lily and Watari.

Even Doctor...well Vivian had helped him, even if he had only a few sessions with her.

He couldn't seem to shake off his musings. Everything seemed to be flooding his mind at once. SHS, Misa, the Shinigami, Kenzo and now this whole thing with Lily's family.

He rubbed his temples, his head felt heavy. Meditation would help, he knew it would but all his mind kept returning too was the thought of making love to Lily.

He knew her body alone could alleviate his stress. Her love and caresses would take him from his dark musings and pull him into euphoria. It wasn't just the physical aspect of love making he craved...;of course he couldn't deny how much his body did indeed crave it, but every time they were together, entwined with each other he felt...free.

He sat tapping his fingers onto his knees. He was so lost in thought he hadn't even heard Lily entering the room.

'I can't find him anywhere.' She said flopping her arms down and resting them on her hips.

'Hmm?' He said looking up at her.

'I said I can't find Near anywhere, I swear I've looked all over the house and grounds. I'm so tired now.'

'He does that sometimes...' He said absently looking ahead of him.

She walked up to him, 'Have you been sitting here this whole time?'

He nodded, 'Not for long though, only since you left to look for Near.'

'L I've been gone for like an hour and a half looking for that white haired ninja.'

He still didn't look at her as he suckled onto his lollipop. 'Oh...I hadn't realised.'

She frowned at him and stood over him. He was motionless.

She smirked and quickly pulled out the lolly from his lips. He jumped and looked up at her; the look of utter betrayal filled his features.

'I wasn't finished.' He said quietly.

She smirked with a shrug and placed the lolly into her mouth, 'mm, cinnamon, my favourite.' She teased.

'Actually it's cinnamon and apple but that's beside the point... Lily..., that's my lolly.'

'You should share with you woman.' She smiled suckling at it.

'Normally I would but that's my favourite. I have never shared my lollies.' He squinted his eyes at her.

She started slowly backing away towards the door. 'Well no time like the present.'

He noticed her walking away and smirked, 'You doubt I'll be able to catch you...really?'

She kept backing away, taking her time, she loved the look on his face, he was like a cat ready to pounce. 'I'm pretty fast you know...yeah you may weigh less than me, but I think I've got more muscle on my legs, check these bad boys out. She lifted up her long, purple gypsy skirt and flashed her calf. She flexed her muscles, 'See...all muscle.' She grinned up at him.

'I'm stronger than I look you know...you have witnessed firsthand of what these legs can do...they can hold you up against a wall for one thing...' He raised his eyebrows cheekily.

He blushed at the memory of their intense love making they had shared against his bedroom wall... 'Yeah well it's all talk really...' She said clutching at the door handle.

'Hmm.' He said as he smirked looking at her hand. 'Last chance...'

She turned the door handle slowly opening the door.

She squealed as he suddenly leapt up and began running towards her.

She threw the door open and ran out, her heart hammering as she ran through the corridor towards the dining room.

She yelled as she heard his fast approaching footsteps, shit he really was fast. She turned the corner quickly skidding into the kitchen.

'What on earth!' Cook yelled at her, her chubby cheeks turning red with anger.

Lily put her finger to her mouth, pleading silently with the aggressive woman to stay quiet.

Cook rolled her eyes and carried on whisking whatever batter was in the bowl she was holding.

Lily lent onto the door listening out for his footsteps. She ducked into herself as she heard him run past. Ha he hadn't seen her quickly turn into here.

'How old are you? You're just as bad as the children.' Cook muttered angrily.

Lily ignored her, her heart hammering...should she peek out...

'Hey no, no, no, I don't want you in here either thief!' Cook suddenly yelled.

Lily slowly looked behind her to find L smirking at her; he had come in through the other door.

Lily gasped and dived out of the kitchen crashing into the dining table. She didn't have time though to rub her possibly broken knee as L was right behind her.

She squealed again as she heard him charge for her.

'It's useless Lily, I will catch you!' He yelled after her.

They shot past a group of kids who all stared utterly shocked at L. The look on their faces was priceless.

Because she was laughing and looking over her shoulder she didn't see Near sitting on the floor until the last second.

His eyes were wide with horror as she managed to leap over him and his toys that he had placed all over the floor.

'What the!' He yelled out.

'There you are; I want to talk to you!' She yelled as she continued running through house and into the grand hall.

L must've not noticed Near either as she heard them both yell out. Suddenly Near's voice shouted out angrily, 'L you broke my limited edition figure!'

L hoped out into the grand hall, he had obviously stepped all over his toys. 'I'll replace it, he said rubbing his foot.

Lily giggled and leaned herself against the staircase banister for a quick rest.

L noticed her and with a mischievous grin and began running for her again.

She screamed and started thundering up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. Her chest was burning; she was running out of energy as she reached the first floor.

She looked behind her then stopped. He wasn't there. Where had he gone?

She panicked as she carried on running down and around the hallways. It was to quiet, she couldn't hear him.

She looked over the banister and looked across from her. No sign of him...

'Oh shit..' She whispered completely out of breath.

Her scream was muffled as hand clamped around her mouth from behind her while an arm snaked its way around her waist and pulled her back against a hard body.

'Caught you.' He whispered; he himself out of breath but his voice had her trembling with desire.

He pulled her back and pushed her against the wall, boxing her in with his arms on either side of her. His smile was once of arrogance. 'I told you I'd catch you.' He breathed out heavily, flashing his beautiful teeth as he smiled with victory.

She pouted and quickly put the lolly back into her mouth. 'I'm still not giving this back. She said panting still.

'Now Lily, I believe you're being a sore loser.' He leant in closer.

She shrugged and began biting down on the lolly.

'No! You don't bite down, not yet, you have to suck at it longer.' He moaned.

'It's my lolly now; I'll do with it what I want.' She smirked.

'Is that so...' He said before quickly snatching out the lolly stick from her mouth. 'You will share then.' He whispered before pushing his body against her and kissing her passionately.

She moaned against his lips and opened her mouth when she felt his tongue pushing against it.

She whined into his mouth as she felt him snatch a chunk of lolly from her mouth and pull it into his own.

'Hey!' She said as he smiled happily crunching it in his mouth. 'You can't do that!'

'Oh...but I just did.' He said and he swallowed it down.

'Cook was right, you are a thief.' She smirked.

'Siding with the enemy? Hmmm that won't do.'

He took her mouth again and because she was weak she allowed him too, happily opening her mouth again. The sweetness of the lolly enhancing the sensations in her mouth.

He stole a chunk again but she pulled at his shirt, keeping him against her.

He groaned as he allowed her to deepen the kiss. Perhaps he wouldn't have to wait till tomorrow after all...as it seemed Lily wanted him just as much as he did her.

'Whoa, I never thought I'd see the robot in action.' Came an all too familiar voice that had L tensing instantly.

He broke the kiss and looked behind him at a very smug looking Kenzo.

Lily's eyes widened as she noticed him too, she clutched onto L's shirt tighter. His face was furious.

'I mean I knew the doc was a good kisser, but you probably had to work some serious magic to teach him how to kiss like that.' He laughed to himself.

L slowly crunched down onto the lolly in his mouth as he stared daggers at Kenzo. She could feel the tension in his body, his entire energy had shifted and his expression was murderous.

'L...don't let him provoke you, it's what he wants.' She said softly into his ear.

He didn't move however, only his head had turned, he still had her pressed up to the wall...which was probably a good sign.

'That's it doc, keep your man under control...well if you want to call him a man. You made the wrong choice there.' He mocked as he flicked out his hair.

She wrapped her leg around L's when she felt him suddenly shift his weight; he was so ready to charge himself at him.

'Just fuck off Kenzo, you've not idea what makes a true man.' She seethed at him.

Both Kenzo and L looked her, utterly surprised. L probably more so.

After a few moments Kenzo composes himself and snorts. 'Whatever you'll come around and don't worry, I'll forgive you.' He winks at her before going back into his room.

They both stand frozen together. He lets out a breath and buries his head into her neck. She hold him against her.

'Come on let's get out of here.' she says softly.

He looks up at her his expression confused. 'Where?' He mutters.

She smiles and takes his hand, leading him back and around to the stairs.


	43. Chapter 43

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's a little different as I wanted to lighten the mood a little and shine some more light on Near. And as I always say I would love you to leave me a comment. I learn so much from them . :)**

* * *

He was still furious. If it hadn't been for Lily he was sure he would have thrown himself at Kenzo and god knows what would have happened, but in that moment he hadn't cared. He wanted to smack that smug look off his face, maybe even knock out a tooth.

L shook his head; he knew thinking like this lead to nothing but trouble and suffering. Even now he could feel the ghostly presence of... _him_ , lurking in the shadows, waiting for him to slip up.

He swore he had heard Light's guttural laugh in his ear as he stared at Kenzo thinking the most violent thoughts.

He knew it wasn't like him to think like that, especially with he woman he loves in his arms. He could have endangered her or hurt her trying to get to Kenzo. He was so thankful Lily had held him tightly to her. He smirked suddenly thinking back to how she spoke to Kenzo, he had never felt such pride and the guy's face had been priceless.

He had felt a little disappointed as Lily had turned them towards the staircase instead of her room...even the tense scene with Kenzo hadn't dampened his lust for her.

But he kept quiet, he was curious to see what she had planned, she was always up to something...of which he very much enjoyed.

As they descended the stairs they found Near attempting to pick up all of his figures from the floor; obviously struggling.

L and Lily shared a look of guilt.

'Hey Near, sorry about that earlier. Let me help you.' Lily said bending down to assist the boy with picking up his figures as she reached the bottom.

'What were you even doing? You looked like children.' He grumbled watching her pick up his figures one by one as he held another load in his arms.

Lily snorts... 'Why don't you tell him L...?' She says while plucking some more figures out from Near's grasp.

L clears his throat awkwardly as he walks slowly up to them, 'She took my lolly.' He mumbled. Scratching his leg with his foot clearly embarrassed.

Near stared at them both, holding each of their eyes for a few intense moments...the kid really knew how to make one feel like a fool. Lily found it difficult to even keep eye contact with him; it was something he barley did.

'As I said...children.' He said smugly before bending to pick up the rest of his figures.

L noticed the broken figure in the child's arms and picks it up, holding it to up to his face; he examined it, 'I broke the ninja?' He said again feeling guilt ridden.

'I know.' Near mumbled.

Lily looked at the child's face, it was solemn and she couldn't bare it. Then she looked at L who was adorning almost the same expression.

She bit her lip then thought of something, 'Hey Near, why don't you come with us? We were about to go out...what's say we go into the city and find you another one?'

'It was a limited edition.' Both Near and L said in the exact same tone...very odd but also quite adorable.

'Well even so...perhaps there's another figure you have been wanting? Come on it's a way of making it up to you, we can go wherever you want, also maybe stop somewhere for something to eat?' She turned subtly to L, 'Right L? Our way of an apology?' She said through a forced smile hoping he would catch on.

He frowned for a moment, not really understanding why they had to take Near anywhere when he could simply order another figure for the boy online with his money. But he decided to play along with it...it was obviously important for her to treat Near in such a way. 'Yes, whatever you wish.'

She rolled her eyes and looked back towards Near. She was a little surprised to notice he was a blushing a little. 'Um...alright if you insist.' Near said quietly looking down at the floor. 'But I won't go if all you two do is kiss and stuff.'

L tutted, 'you can't just demand such ridiculous...'

Lily cut L off by standing in front of him, blocking him from Near's view, 'You have my word, no kissing or lovey dovey stuff, okay?' She held out her pinkie for him. L folded his arms and sighed. Lily could almost feel his sulking energy from behind her.

Near frowned and stared at her strange hand gesture, 'What are you doing?'

Lily blushed feeling again like a fool; she was sure every child knew what a pinkie promise was...even a genius like Near. 'Um...it's called a pinkie promise, once two pinkies have made a promise it can never be broken. SO yeah all you have to do is grab a hold of my pinkie with yours and the promise is sealed.' She blushed praying he would buy it, but highly doubting it.

'A strange gesture.' He shrugged but to her amazement he shuffled his figures into one arm while bringing out his own pinkie and wrapping it gently around hers.

Oh thank god...Lily thought as she smiled goofily and squeezed his finger a little with hers.

L looked around her and stood dumbfounded, he had never seen Near act so...casual with someone and surely Near couldn't possibly believe the ridiculous notion of a pinkie promise.

She smiled and realised him gently standing up straight. 'Awesome...well.' She glances back toward L, 'Perhaps we should let Watari know we are heading out and taking Near...'

'Taking Near where exactly?' All three turned to see Watari walking calmly towards them, a friendly smile on his face.

'Lily wants to take me toy shopping as L broke my limited edition figure.' Near mumbled playing with a lock of hair.

'Oh that's unfortunate, how did that that happen?' Watari asks L curiously.

L clears his throat, 'Um...I stepped on it.' He says looking down at the floor.

Lily smirks slyly.

Watari tuts and shakes his head, 'Well accidents do happen, so where are you off too then?'

'We were going to go into London.' She smiles.

'Ah I see; I believe it will be only the second time he has been to London, isn't that correct Near?' Watari asks.

'Indeed.' Near answers quietly.

A heavy silence seemed to befall around them. All of them suddenly looked very serious; had she missed something?

Lily decides to break the silence quickly, 'So is it alright for us to take him?' She asks Watari .

'Yes of course, but you must change first Near, you're not going out in that.' He gestures to Near's oversized white shirt and silk pyjama bottoms.

'I always wear this, it's comfortable.' Near protests frowning up at Watari.

'I don't care, all three of you will already attract a lot of attention just by looking at you, and you don't need anymore attention. Come along now, I am sure we can find something for you.'

Near rolls his eyes and stomps after Watari clearly not thrilled with the idea.

Lily giggles turning to face L. She smiles and begins to inspect his clothing, looking him up and down. 'Are you going in that then?'

'Yes...fashion is of little consequence to me, of which I'm sure you're already aware of...' He cocks an eyebrow at her playfully.

She blushes slightly and wraps her arms around his neck. 'Yes but I agree with Watari. Just being out with the both of you will attract attention. You're both beautiful and have ridiculously huge, doe-like eyes and crazy thick hair...; I mean Near's is white! So we will stand out and that's not good, considering who you are.'

He smiles slightly and leans down to kiss her gently. She smiles against his lips and slowly pulls away, 'Don't think kissing will distract me. So _do_ you have anything else?'

'Only formal shirts and such, I find them tedious.' L sighs.

'You don't have to wear a tie or anything, but just looking smart will help us...blend in.' She winks.

'Fine, I shall dig out something. But I'm only doing it for you; I couldn't care less who gawks at me...as long as it's at not you.'

* * *

'A convertible Bentley? L don't you think we still stick out like a sore thumb driving in this, I'm sure you don't want any unwanted attention.' Lily said standing in front of the impressive looking vehicle. She had changed into a turquoise, summer dress with red velvet shoes and a red hair bow to match.

L and Near were already sat in the car, roof down waiting for her.

Lily has to stop in her tracks as she takes in the vision before her. Near looked almost unrecognisable .He was dressed so smartly wearing an emerald green and gold patterned waistcoat over a white shirt and black jeans, he was also wearing a hat that reminded her of the Victorian era...like the little chimney sweepers wore.

Lily squealed, 'Oh my god Near look at you! You look like you've just stepped out of Dickens novel!' She walked closer to the car.

Near's eyes widened and he suddenly blushed and threw his head down, 'Now you're the one gawking Lily...Please stop' He muttered obviously embarrassed.

'I'm sorry...' She smiled; must take picture when he's not looking, she mentally took note.

She beams when her eyes glide to L. He was wearing a black shirt...that looked ridiculously expensive and blue, tight fitted jeans that showed off his lovely long legs.

'And just look at you...' She purrs almost. She saunters up to the car; she couldn't help how fast her heart was beating. L was always attractive to her...but this? This was just unexpected.

Perhaps she should have just allowed them to go dressed in their normal attire as the way they appeared now was going to cause even more people to notice them. How could they not?

L with an obvious blush leans over and opens the door for her. 'It's turned out to be a warm day today which is unusual for this time of the year, so I thought this car would suit. No one knows my face, don't worry yourself Lily.' He smirked as she scooted in, her dress riding a little high up her thighs which of course he immediately noticed and cleared his throat looking away. He glanced up quickly and caught Near's accusing stare in the rear view mirror. He couldn't help but blush. Even the boy knew what was going through his mind it seemed.

Totally oblivious to L's inward struggle Lily begins to rummage through her handbag. 'Well I'm still not convinced it's such a good idea...so here wear these.' She hands him a pair of aviator sunglasses.

L holds them up in his usual manner and cocks an eyebrow with confusion. 'Why do I need to wear these?'

'It will make me feel better and...I kinda want to see what you look like with them on...' She winks at him hoping Near didn't notice.

L rolls his eyes and slides them on and ruffles his hair. He looks back towards her, 'well? Is it satisfying enough for you Miss Everly?' He mocks.

Christ, she's not going to be able to keep her eyes off of him now and the promise she had made to Near about no smoochy stuff just became ridiculously difficult...all from her own doing though.

'Yeah...you look good.' She smiles sweetly, hopefully her voice hadn't dipped into that husky tone it did when she was aroused.

L smirks again and leans in to kiss her. She shakes her head and tilting it towards Near sitting in the back.

L huffs and turns on the engine and readjusts the mirrors.

'What do you think Near? Suits him right?' She asked smiling.

'He looks like an ant...' He mumbles.

* * *

Considering L was basically an enforcer of the law that didn't stop him from speeding down the country roads towards the city.

However he was a very adept driver and Lily felt completely at ease even at the high speed they were going at.

Lily laughed and held her arms above her, 'It's like being on a rollercoaster! Try it Near!' She yelled happily.

She watched Near from the her mirror roll his eyes but slowly he lifted up on arm, with the other holding down his hat. She couldn't help but feel a little pleased with herself.

L chuckles, again Lily had made the antisocial Near do something he's never done before. And if he didn't know any better he swore he noticed the smallest hint of a smile on the boys face.

'If I didn't have my seatbelt on I would fly away just so you know, you're both incredibly irresponsible!' Near shouted over the wind, still clutching onto his hat while his other arm swayed in the air above him, it seemed though he was in fact having a good time.

Both L and Lily laughed at his grumpy tone but it was moments like these that would be remembered and looked back on fondly in years to come.

As they entered the city central Near couldn't keep his eyes off all the tall buildings and statues. Lily watched the boy as he took everything in with his huge, intelligent eyes.

'Have the other kids ever been to the city?' She spoke quietly to L.

He shook his head, 'Not properly, only fleeting visits to the airport and hotels and such. I believe the last time Near was in London was when he, Roger and Mello were assisting me with the Kira case as Watari had mentioned before.

Lily raised her eyebrows, Near had helped with he case? But he was so young...She nodded and sat back into her seat, not wanting to discuss the Kira case on their day out.

L looked at her; with a prominent smirk he gently places his hand on her thigh and rubs it subtly.

His touch almost tingles against her skin as she looks up him, returning his lustful smirk.

Near clears his throat loudly, 'you're in breach of the pinkie promise Lily.' He said sternly.

She gasps and pushes L's hand away quickly, 'No 'I'm not, that was his fault not mine, he touched me!' She squeals.

L scowls at Near in the mirror; Lily could tell by the way his brows had lowered.

Lily turned to L, 'I have to remind you to keep yourself in check my good sir, I have made a pinkie promise after all and I don't intend to break it.' She said teasingly; L however didn't seem all too amused. She loved that he was sulking because he couldn't touch her in front of Near, it was adorable and amusing. Although she did feel a little bad for him.

L said nothing but tutted and focused again on the road.

'So...' She cleared her throat attempting to break the awkward silence, 'Where are we going?' She glanced at Near through the mirror.

'Hamley's will be the first stop, it should have the figure I want or at least it will have some more from the series.' Near said looking out of the car, his head following a huge building backwards.

Lily giggles, 'Do you know where to park around there?' She asks L.

'I have a permit to park in almost most of the hotels around the city, so it should be fine.' He said thoughtfully. She couldn't tell if he were still sulking or not.

* * *

Just as Lily expected almost everyone that crossed their path stared at them, especially the boys.

London was always busy but as they walked up the street towards Hamley's it seemed to be even more so, so much in fact that Lily started to feel a little uneasy with so many people around her, Near and L.

She looked down towards Near. His eyes were wide and alert. He suddenly seemed so small as most people towered over him.

Lily exhaled and gently took a hold of Near's small hand.

He flinched and looked up at her; she just smiled reassuringly and gave his hand a little squeeze.

She half expected him to snatch his hand away but no; instead he slightly tightened his own grip and continues walking hand in hand with her.

L quickly comes up beside and also slides his hand into hers. She turns and looks at him.

'It's only fair.' He shrugs innocently.

She smiles and nods. 'Of course.'

She felt a little more at ease as now she had a hold of both of them and no one would be able to snatch them for her grasp.

They walked in a comfortable silence until Near pointed out the colourful looking shop ahead. Of course crowds of people were surrounding it.

She dips in a little lower to speak to Near, 'You're sure you want to go in there? It's really busy...'

'Yes, we have come this far, no point in turning back now.' He said tenaciously.

Lily caught numerous amounts of people eyeing the three of them again. Of course their attention was drawn mostly to the beautiful males beside her but it didn't help calm her own anxiety that had been subtly building itself up for the last few minutes.

As they finally squeezed through the doors they stood there and took in their surroundings.

Lily spoke up first, 'Um so yeah if I remember correctly I think this shop has like four or five floors, there is a basement floor below us...I think it has all the Lego sets and stuff...but I'm guessing we should look around up here for the figures...although I think this floor is just filled with plush toys.'

She looked down to Near who had frozen in place. She attempted to let go of his hand, 'Do you want to lead the way then?' She asked him lessening her grip.

'It's very busy...lots of people.' He said still gripping on to her hand.

'Indeed an uncomfortable amount.' L mused beside her.

She returned her grip on Near's hand, he obviously didn't want to let go. 'Do you guys want to leave?' She said quickly glancing at both of them.

They both shook their heads in unison.

'Well...shall I lead then?'

They both nod, L turned towards her. She now wished she didn't put the reflective aviators on him as she couldn't see his eyes. She could usually tell how he was just by looking at them. 'I believe that would be best...considering you have been here before.' He said quietly.

She smiles, 'Alright, then I suggest we search the upper floors first.' She tugged onto both of them and they followed hand in hand as they stepped onto the escalator.

'Don't you want to remove the sunglasses now?' She insinuated, L shook his head quickly.

'No, I have grown accustomed to them.'

'He means he's scared and doesn't want to face the crowds.' Near said craning his head up to look at the hanging toys on the ceiling.

'I'm not scared...I'm keeping them on for you Lily, you like them don't you?'

She smirked, was that a plea in his voice then? He obviously was feeling very uncomfortable but of course the infamous pride of L wasn't about to admit that to Near.

'Yes I do.' She kissed him quickly on the cheek while Near was distracted.

He smiled lovingly at her that she almost found herself leaning in for a kiss. However that came to an abrupt stop as Near tugged at her hand as they reached the second floor.

'I believe I have already located the figures I am after.' He says with a rush. It was clear that he had already had enough of the overcrowded shop.

Lily allowed him to drag her and L behind him. 'That was fast.' She pointed out.

Near slowly releases her hand to rummage through the stack of figures that were displayed along a huge wall.

'Wow, that's a lot of figures...' Lily said leaning in to look at them better.

L who hadn't released her hand picked up a figure and studied it closely. 'The detailing is acceptable.' He said squinting his eyes to get a better look.

Lily smirked, 'How can you tell behind the specs?'

He sighed and looked at her; she could see an eyebrow rise up.

'What? It's true; surely it's pretty dark...' She laughed as his expression.

He slowly pulled them off and focused again on the figure between his fingers. 'Doesn't it get tiring being right all the time Miss Everly?' He said under his breath, a small smirk teasing his lips.

She poked him in the side causing him to jerk. 'No as I've grown _accustomed_ to it.' She said folding her arms arrogantly.

'Hmm.' He mused as he put down the figure. 'One should be careful with pride...it can overcome you.'

'You would know.' Near's voice suddenly interrupted them as he walked back towards them.

'As would you.' L said sounding even more childish than Near.

'Okay boys' time out.' Lily said holding her hands up to the both of them. 'Near did you find it?'

He held up the Ninja figure, 'Surprisingly yes, however it's not the exact same one as this one has a red mask instead of black...but I think I prefer it... so we can go now.' He says quickly.

'Oh don't you want to look around? Lots to see.' Lily said gesturing around the store.

'NO.' L and Near both said sternly.

Lily raised her hands in defeat. 'Alright, alright. Let's go and pay then.' Though secretly she was pleased as the crowds were becoming too much for her also.

L tugged at her hand turning her away from Near as they headed back towards the escalator.

Lily's heart fluttered as she felt Near's little hand quickly grab a hold of hers again. She wanted to smile down at him but she didn't want to push her luck, he was probably already uncomfortable as it was. Although L seemed the most out of sorts. She couldn't help wonder if it was due to the crowds or because Near had joined hands with her again. Though she had a sneaking suspicion it was due to the latter.

* * *

'This is ridiculous, why is everyone paying at the same time?' Near whined.

'It's always like this...every time I've been here. It's because there are so many people.'

'I've gathered as much doctor, but it doesn't explain why there are so many people and why the workers are so slow; surely they must be used to it by now.'

She could hear in Near's voice and attitude that he was becoming increasingly agitated which was probably to do with the copious amounts of people surrounding the tills. He had quite clearly reached his limit. She could feel his hand sweating in hers.

'Well we are next after the person in front of us, so nearly there.' She said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

L leaned in to whisper to her, 'I don't appreciate the way he spoke to you...' He warned.

She turned to him quickly, 'It's fine, he's stressed; he doesn't mean it. I just want to get him out of here.' She whispered back quickly.

'Excuse me.' Chirped a feminine voice beside them.

They all turn towards the voice to find an overly smiling woman staring at them. She was dressed in a brown suit and adorned a ridiculous amount of golden jewellery.

'I'm ever so sorry to interrupt, but I am just smitten by your look. You all look just fabulous.'

Lily felt both L and Near's grip tighten around her hands, she could feel her own face reddening as the woman was attracting unwelcomed attention from the crowds.

'Thank you that's very sweet.' Lily smiled and turned away hoping Near and L would do the same.

Unfortunately the woman who was clearly filthy rich didn't pick up the hint...or she did and completely ignored it. 'I caught sight of you all earlier and thought what a picture perfect family you all were.'

Family? She must think Near was their child...Lily didn't say anything but smiled politely while Near and L kept they focus on the till.

The woman stepped a little closer towards them, 'I work for a fashion magazine and I would be immensely grateful if I could snap a picture of you all together.'

Both Near and L both looked horrified. They all shared the same look amongst them.

'That's very kind of you but I'm afraid I'll have to decline.' She said quickly pushing Near towards the till that was at last open to them.

'Quickly pay.' She muttered to L.

'Oh but you would be missing out on a great opportunity, you would be paid of course. We can exchange details outside.' The woman persisted.

L having had enough turns back towards the woman, 'The answer is no, I'll ask you to please respect my wife and child's privacy.' He said sternly looking at her in the eye.

Lily and Near both stare at him in surprise.

The woman thankfully backs off clearly embarrassed although they could tell she still wanted to persist.

L then grabs Lily's hand and hauls her away.

Lily turns and holds out her hand for Near which he eagerly takes.

They said nothing until they were all safely back sitting in the car. The car park's seclusion was a welcomed comfort from the hectic world above them.

'I feel completely exhausted.' L murmurs breaking the silence first.

Lily watches him run a hand through his hair and leans back onto his seat. 'You handled it amazingly, both of you.' She said looking back at Near who had removed his hat and was in the middle of scratching his head.

'I can honestly say I shall never take Wammy's for granted again.' Near mumbled and sighing heavily.

Lily nodded, 'I second that...I forgot how much I hate crowds myself...so I guess dinner is out of the question?' She said although she was starving.

'As I said I'm exhausted and was thinking perhaps we should stay in a hotel, rest up, eat and leave later in the evening. That way we can eat in solitude and comfort but still enjoy our day out. Unless of course you're eager to get back?' L said looking over at Lily.

She smiled and shook her head, 'No, that sounds like sublime.'

L smiles with gratitude and takes her hand in his, 'Near?' He asks looking in the rear-view mirror.

Lily turns and looks at Near whom also looked tired.

'I believe that's one of the best ideas you've ever had...L.' He said with a little glint in his eye.


	44. Chapter 44

**Thank you to my lovely readers.**

 **I quite like this chapter, it's sweet and was really easy to write as it just flowed through me. Hope you like.**

 **Keep commenting if you can! X**

* * *

'Oh my god...I'm stuffed.' Lily said falling back against the head board of the gigantic hotel bed. She patted her belly happily. 'I don't think I've ever eaten so many deserts.'

'Then you haven't been around L for long enough.' Near reveals as he plopped some chocolate chips into his mouth.

Lily laughed, 'I thought I had but if you're saying he eats more than this...I just find it hard to believe.'

'Please stop talking about me like as if I am not here.' L tutted as he leant over Lily to grab the cartoon of apple juice.

Lily smirked as she felt him linger over her more than was necessary. As he pulled back he left her with a ridiculously alluring smirk that instantly had her thinking of all the salacious activities they could be getting on with on this bed.

She loved having Near around she really did and had been overwhelmed by his behaviour today, especially with her and allowing her to hold his hand. But she also wished he would pop out for an hour or so she could have her way with L...

They had spent the rest of the day eating so-called lunch and watching cartoons and such on the giant bed, the TV itself was also huge.

Although she was the one that had been laughing most of the time at the cartoons she had sneakily snuck in a glance or two at L and Near and could tell they were relaxed and enjoying themselves, they had even stopped bickering...for the time being.

L also seemed to be smiling more. Not that this was anything new to her as she had now witnessed his beautiful smile almost every day they shared together.

But she had yet to see him smile around others, especially Near. However during one ridiculously funny cartoon that had her in stitches she had found him smirking just a little.

Even Near had raised his eyebrows which was probably the most animated he has been since they had left Hamley's.

Lily felt L shift and then huff. She looks at him and snorts at his grumpy expression. 'What's up with you?'

'I am so uncomfortable, I absolutely loathe jeans...' He grumbles popping open the top button of his jeans.

Lily laughs, 'it's like you're moaning that you have big belly or something,' She leans forward and rubs his non-existent stomach. 'There is nothing there,'

His cheeks turn a little crimson from her touch but he shook himself out of it. 'It doesn't matter, these are tight...even on me, I can't relax.' He huffed again as he fidgeted.

'If you think I'm going to lay here with you semi naked you thought wrong.' Near warns. He was lying on his stomach next to Lily's feet at the end of the bed; his head didn't turn away from the screen as he spoke.

'Well perhaps it's time for you to retire to your own room.' L scowled at Near.

Oh god here they go she thought as she spoke, 'So um...are we staying the night then? I mean it's pretty late and I think I can say for all of us that I'm not really wanting to make the journey back tonight...I'm so tired.' She yawns causing both of them to yawn after her.

'I agree with Lily's proposal.' Near said quietly.

She looked over to L; she could see his eyes were already growing heavy... 'I have no idea why but I feel myself wanting to sleep more often now.'

'Is that a yes then?' She asks hopefully.

He nods, I think it's best however we have a very early start tomorrow as I have to make it back for my interview with SHS.' He rubs his eyes sleepily.

SHS...she had completely forgotten about that. She had just become so lost in this relaxed environment that all the outside worries of the world had been shut out.

'I had completely forgotten; if it is easier we can still go back tonight, I can drive us.'

L tilts his head a little giving her a "don't be so ridiculous" expression. 'Lily you have just admitted how tired you feel...you really think I would allow you to drive?'

She shrugs, 'I don't want you to feel unprepared for it. Even if we do set off early tomorrow, it still doesn't give you a lot of time.'

'I don't need to prepare, I know exactly what I'm going to ask him. Don't concern yourself with it anymore alright?' He smiled and pinched her nose.

She giggles and rubs his leg softly.

They both look at each with want. L quickly clears his throat and looks to Near, 'So Near...about retiring to your room?'

They listen as Near swallows down whatever he was chewing and then answers again without looking back at them, 'I'll go when this is finished.' He points lazily to the screen.

L huffs, 'How long?' He asks impatiently, meanwhile Lily tried her hardest not to smirk. She loved listening to the both of them; they were hilarious without even knowing it.

They wait again for Near to finish chewing, 'Three more episodes.'

'That's still an hour.' L groans.

Lily quietly kisses him making sure her lips were soft and slow so Near didn't hear.

L grips her arm and pulls her in closer, desperate for more.

Lily slowly pulls herself from him and smiles, 'We can wait right?' She winks at him.

After gathering back his composure he rolls his eyes knowing he has been defeated. 'Very well.' He grumbles and leans back against the bed.

Lily smiles and slowly tucks herself under his arm; she instantly feels him pull her closer and happily sighs.

* * *

The last episode had finally finished. Near sits up causing bags of sweets to fall to the ground. He looks behind him to find both of them fast asleep, all cuddled together.

He studied them for a moment as this was the first time he had ever seen L...asleep and he had to admit it made him feel a little uneasy...; he looked dead almost. And he looked so different without his eyes open; it just didn't seem like L.

Then he focused onto Lily, the reason L was so different these days...it was for the better he decided even though L still remained as stubborn and arrogant as ever.

Lily had...supported him today and he found himself...almost...enjoying the time he spent with her. She always spoke her mind she was never afraid to show her feelings; something he was very unfamiliar with.

L stirs and holds Lily closer to him...was he smiling in his sleep?

Near rolls his eyes and turns off the TV flooding the room in darkness. He had seen enough.

He grunts as he slides off the bed and feels his way to the door. Thankfully the lounge lights had been left on.

He cracked the door open ready to step out.

'Goodnight Near...' He heard a soft and gentle voice from behind him call out.

He turned around and could just make out Lily's sleepy face facing him, she waved lazily at him.

He nodded in her direction and kept eye contact as he said, 'goodnight Lily.'

* * *

Where was he?

He didn't know this place but somehow it seemed familiar to him; the stairs...he had seen them before hadn't he?

Something about this house had him riddled with fear. He hadn't felt this level of fear for a while now. But he decided to climb the stairs even though his mind was pleading him not too; he couldn't seem to control his feet as something was beckoning him to go up.

It was pitch black as he reached the top. He looked to the ground below him and carefully placed a foot down, he was surprised when his foot made contact as it seemed to be like an endless abyss similar to that of the sea where light cannot reach it anymore.

The sound of a pen scribbling caught his attention and he followed it round until he stopped dead in his tracks.

There was Light, his back turned against him. The only thing visible was him sitting at a desk; a weak lamp provided the only source of illumination.

Hate suddenly filled L's heart. Light was at it again was he? Killing innocents, thinking he was some sort of deity of death.

But he would stop him he would, he was justice, he never allowed anyone to get away with murdering anyone in such cold blood.

He gritted his teeth and stormed towards him, Light didn't move, he just continued writing.

'Face me you coward.' L growled from behind him.

Light chuckled under his breath, 'Oh I will...don't you worry L.'

L gripped his shoulder and pulled it to face him.

Black wings suddenly sprung from Light propelling L backwards and landing him painfully onto his back.

Light loomed over him laughing, his face began to morph from human to monster in front of L's eyes. He watched in horror as a chain appeared shackled to Light's wrist then appearing at his own.

'No! Wait, you're dead!' L yelled out desperately attempting to pry the shackle off from him.

'No L, I'm more alive than I've ever been.' Light slunk himself towards L.

L backed away but Light caught up with him in a second and crouched in front of him. L could smell the foul odour of death, he gagged from it.

Light held up the Death Note in front of him, 'I want you to do it...write her name.'

He grinned and shoved a pen into L's hand that he hand yanked up using the chain.

L's eyes widened with realisation, he began to struggle against the chain. 'NO!'

Light laughed and pulled L's hand towards his.

L watched in horror as his hand began to move on its own accord, taking the pen from Light's decaying, claw-like hand.

'Get off me, I won't do it!' L pulled painfully against the shackle but it held tightly around his wrist. He attempted to crawl away but his wrist remained in the air, now slowly moving towards the Death Note that was levitating in front of it.

L yelled out in pain as the metal cut into his wrist, he had no choice but to follow his hand. 'No, I can't!' He screamed as he watched the pen slowly make contact with the note book.

He cried out as his hand spelled out L-I-L-Y. He began to thrash around like a maniac as the pen scrawled the letter E.

Light cackled in delight, 'Just give in L, she's going to die because of you either way so why not now? Don't delay the inevitable. Besides if she dies by the death note then she can keep me company for eternity...' He snickers and licks his long, disgusting tongue over his cracked and oozing lips.

L roared with fury then and kicked out with all his might making contact with Light square in the face.

He pulled against his wrist and screamed in agony as he felt his thumb pop from its joint, he didn't care he couldn't finish the name, he couldn't allow this to happen.

He felt blood dripping from his chest and looked down to find Light's Shinigami hand had punctured right through it.

* * *

Like lightening L leaps from the bed, something he was getting used to now after these horrendous night terrors.

He stumbled around and leant against the wall opposite the bed.

He felt around his chest as he caught his breath...that had been the most realistic nightmare yet. And there he was thinking that they had gone for good. He hadn't seen...the Shinigami for so long now...he had foolishly thought he had defeated him in some way.

No, he was always there, waiting for disaster to strike and what's more he was still after Lily.

L wiped the sweat from his forehead and shuffled back to the bed. He leaned over her and stroked her face as softly as he could with his trembling hand. She was blissfully unaware of the terror he had just witnessed and he was glad for that. Never would he want her to ever experience or witness the things he had. He had to protect her at all costs and something was telling him that Misa held some answers...

He sighed and stroked her hair lightly. He stood up knowing he wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. He slowly pulled on the soft hotel robe and wrapped it around himself. He sighed happily, he had been dying to change into this robe since the moment they had stepped into the room; he had only kept the torturous outfit on for Lily...he could never forget the sparkle in her eyes when she had seen him sitting in the car. He never cared how he looked to anyone but he found himself wanting to look...presentable or whatever it was he looked like to her. He just wanted to see that expression on her face as much as possible.

He walked out into the lounge and gently closed the door as quietly as he could. He exhaled feeling her could breathe a little louder now. He heart was still hammering from the nightmare.

He walked over to the window, not bothering to switch on the light and pulled back the heavy drapes to the window revealing the city to him.

No matter which city he was in he had always found a solemn comfort when observing a city at night. The lights seemed to calm him and always helped him think.

However thinking was probably not the best decision considering the disturbing images that were now plaguing is mind.

He sits himself down onto the window seal which was just wide enough to fit him and rests his head against the window.

So much had changed since the Kira case...Lily of course being the most unexpected but precious change.

But somehow he couldn't help think he was still being punished for his sins.

He knew of his reputation, he knew people idolised him and called him a hero. He doubted they would still think of him that way if they knew the extremes he would be willing to go to get what he wanted.

He closes his eyes, this wasn't the first time he had felt shame for his past behaviours and decisions, but people had to be punished and he was the one people came to when they had no other choice.

He hated to admit but the more malicious and genius the criminals were the more it excited him. He loved the chase; he loved beating them at their own game. He loved always being one step ahead of them and when they bit back he would always go in with full force.

But something changed in him when he met Light. He had never met an adversary quite like him before and it consumed him. So much so that he almost lost his own life because of reckless behaviour and pride.

He was a ghost of himself when he returned to Wammy's after Kira had been defeated.

He breathed into the window forming a mist onto its surface. He slowly drew out a W.

His was still guilt ridden for how he ignored Watari's feelings. The man had almost also lost his life and he just ignored him. He thought about himself, he had been careless in the last moments facing off with Kira...so much so that everything could have ended a very different way. If it hadn't been for Matsuda stepping in...

But he knew Watari was battling with his own mind. He had seen the Shinigamis, he had been there through everything, had seen what he had seen. But he never spoke a word of it...but he knew, he knew his guardian wanted to speak about it.

He was too selfish, too lost in his own bruised ego and pride to help comfort his guardian and partner through the horrors they had witnessed together.

L thought then to himself, he has hurt a lot of people...intentional or not he has and he was so tired of it.

He wanted to see SHS hang for the crimes he had committed, the fact the police in the UK keep these people alive when they have all the evidence they need is just simply moronic.

The world doesn't need to forgive people like that. The world has to be rid of people like that...but he would be just as bad as Kira if he were to act on his own ideals. He learnt long ago that he hadn't been so different to Light...he just didn't think of himself as a god.

'Trouble sleeping?' Near's voice came suddenly from the shadows.

L jumped a little banging his head against the window. He turned around quickly watching Near walk closer so he was illuminated but the glow from the city outside.

He was also wearing the hotel robe which was far too big for him, but then L was used to seeing the boy wearing nothing but that oversized shirt of his.

'You more than anyone should know I am not the best sleeper.' L said turning back to the look out through the window. He didn't know why but Near's very presence had him feeling...exposed.

'Yes but you have someone to sleep with...isn't it rude to leave her alone in the night?' Near asked sitting himself down onto the couch.

L didn't like this new talkative Near, since when did he ask such personal questions? Once more he didn't know how to answer that question because he's probably right.

'I would only keep her awake with my constant fidgeting as it's rare I sleep through the entire night. So it's best if she sleeps peacefully these last couple of hours as I was planning on waking the both of you at five.'

'Hmm I see.'

Usually L enjoyed the silence especially during the night, but he couldn't relax knowing Near's eyes were probably boring into the back of his head.

'Do you have them often?' Near's voice came again from behind him.

'What are talking about?'

'The nightmares.'

L stiffened and straightened his back, how did he know? He stayed quiet hoping Near wouldn't probe anymore.

'I heard you, gasping and stumbling about...' Near continued.

L felt mortified. How was it even possible Near had heard him from the other room? And what's more Lily hadn't even stirred in her sleep and she had been right next to him. He realised then that as he had opened up the bedroom door it had been left open a crack.

'You left the door open...why?' He asked turning to face him finally.

Near began playing with the strand of hair he always played with. 'I don't have many memories of my past...but I remember doing the same thing in my home...I remember it was important to always listen out for something...I guess I've never grown out of it.'

This surprised L. Not only was Near being open about something he had never spoken about before...but he was actually speaking to him about it.

L never asked Watari where Near had come from, he hadn't cared to know. Now for some reason he wished he had.

'So...are they a reoccurring thing? What are they about?' Near asked looking down at the floor.

L sighed and shook his head feeling defeated in that moment, he was tired of keeping things to himself, besides Near hardly spoke to anyone who would he tell?

'I have been having them since the Kira case.' He admitted quietly. 'They used to be more frequent but since meeting Lily...they have become less so. However they are extremely vivid, I've never experienced anything like it before.'

'I see.' Near says thoughtfully. 'I knew it had to be a nightmare of some sorts.'

'How so?'

'Because Watari makes similar noises when he has them.'

'What? Watari has them too?' He asks totally disturbed by this news turning his head to face him again.

'Yes, his room is next to mine, I've heard him. He even gets up sometimes and goes for walks outside. I've seen him leave the house on a few occasions now.' He says casually as if this was a normal thing to see someone do.

L runs a hand down his face with fraustration, how could he allow Watari to suffer on his own like this for so long? He should have been there for him, they should have confided in each like normal people would have...but no he had to deal with it on his own...he had to act like L...

'You both must have seen something to cause you such mental distress. Unfortunately no one filled me in on the details.' Near said looking at him suddenly.

L looked away, 'and that's how it will remain, there is no reason for you to know.'

'Not even when it's causing pain to the people I live with?'

L's eyes widened as he focused again onto Near. It never occurred to him that Near could actually...care about the people he shared his home and life with. Everyone always took Near's silence and avoidance of everyone to be his way of saying he didn't care about them. He had never shown affection or given much attention to anyone around him...but then neither had he.

It took the love of a beautiful and astounding woman to make himself realise how much he did care about others...perhaps Near functioned on a similar frequency to his own.

He thought back to how Near had gripped onto Lily's hand and how he seemed to listen to her and react to her like no one else. The only other person Near listened to was Watari but then he had never seen the boy give any sort of affection to him.

L cleared his throat feeling suddenly awkward, he had never spoken to Near in this manner before and he didn't really know how to deal with it, 'I appreciate your concern and even though I cannot give you any other details I am grateful to you confiding in me about Watari. I was unaware he was going through similar things to myself and I will speak to him about it. I will help him.'

'And Lily will help you?' Near asks again looking down at the floor.

L smiles a little but decides to hide his face from Near. 'She already has.'


	45. Chapter 45

**And yet another chapter today! I am on a roll!**

 **Hope you enjoy as always! X**

* * *

'Lily? It's time to wake up.' He softly rubs her arm.

She stirred and grumbled, 'Mmm, yeah five more minutes...'

His lips twitched at how adorable she had sounded in that moment. He bent down and whispered in her ear, 'Lily...Liiiiily, you have to get up now.' He says playfully.

She groans and throws the duvet over her.

He shook his head and dove in after her. She squeals as he began tickling her sides. 'L! What are doing? I said five minutes...it's too early.'

He snuggled against her and sighs happily. After such a long night she was exactly what he needed. Although Near had strangely been some comfort after his night terror. No one could ever match up to her.

'Hmm aren't we being stubborn this morning...?' He teased.

'Not stubborn, I'm cold and tired and...why are you fluffy?' She said suddenly stroking her hand over his soft robe.

She popped her head out of the duvets gasping for breath he followed her.

'Ooh where did you get that?' She said stroking his chest. 'I want one.'

He titled his head towards the wardrobe, 'they are hanging up in there, though I don't think there is much point of you putting one on now. We have around thirty minutes before we should leave.'

'Oh there's always time for a robe!' She smiled a wide Cheshire cat smile and jumped up from the bed.

L watched her with heated eyes as she was dressed in only her black, lacy underwear. He then chuckled at her pleasurable moan as she cuddled herself into the robe. 'Mmm.' She hummed happily. 'SO good.' She lazily walked back to bed and slumped head first onto it.

L shifted over to her, wrapping his leg and arm around her. 'I had no idea you were so difficult to get up in the mornings...'

Her voice was muffled by the duvet as she spoke 'I am when it's the early morning...sun's not even up.'

He rested his against her, 'I know my darling, but I have to get back home early, Watari also needs to be prepped...' His thoughts turned a little melancholy when he thought of Watari and what Near had revealed to him, in truth he couldn't wait to speak with his guardian.

He rubbed his cheek against Lily, 'besides I've given you enough time to eat something before we leave...I've also ordered up some hot chocolate...' He didn't get to finish his sentence as Lily perked up suddenly then, her cheeks were flushed from being squashed down into the bed. Her eyes were wider now, 'Hot chocolate you say?'

He smirked, 'with marshmallows.' He winked.

She jumped up then, 'what would I do without you?'

He shrugged, 'no idea, but perhaps you could think of way way to show your appreciation.'

She smirked then and bit her lip. He could feel his body heating up just by watching her energy shift so suddenly.

She straddled him making sure to give him a glimpse of her bare legs. His hands found her plump behind and gripped onto it, holding her close to him.

She grinds a little on top of him causing him to hiss. His body had instantly stood up to attention; it never ceased to amaze him how awestruck he became when she touched and moved against him like this.

She leant in and stopped mere inches from his face. 'If we start now we will never leave in time...plus I'm sure Near is listening out...but...' She kissed him with such heated passion he felt his heart leap up into his throat. Even though it was over in a few seconds it still had him panting and desperate for more.

'I can't stand waiting any longer...' He whispered against her lips.

She smiled, 'L it's only been a few days.'

His fingers dug into her flesh making her gasp. 'It's too long Lily, I'd have you everyday day if I could.' He clenched his eyes shut as she continued moving her hips deliciously against him.

'God L...when you speak like that...I just feel like I'm losing my mind.' She kissed and suckled at his neck causing him to whimper and hold her close to him, burying his hands in her hair.

'After last night...I need you, I need you so much...' He blurts out, losing himself in the moment.

She stops and faces him and to her horror she notices a tear streaming down his cheek. 'L, oh god, what is it? Last night? What happened?' She said wiping away his tear gently.

He hid his face shamefully into her neck and held her close to him again.

She rubbed his back and allowed him to hold her for as long as he wanted.

* * *

All three were quiet on the trip back. Lily hadn't pressed L anymore; she wanted him to concentrate and to be able to come to her when he was ready. She knew he had so much to deal with this morning, but as soon as that was over she would attempt to approach him again hoping he would open up.

Just seeing him cry broke her heart as it always did every time his outer walls caved in. She knew he was suffering and battling some inner turmoil. There was list of things he was battling but she didn't know what had taken top place this time.

He hadn't released her hand since they got in the car, being that it was an automatic car helped as he didn't have to change gears.

Although it was early she found that she needed some sort of distraction from the heavy silence within the car.

She leant forward and switched on the radio, she sighed happily when she heard "Nights in white satin" had just begun by Moody Blues.

She leant her head back onto the seat, 'Oooh I love this song...it's one if not my favourite.' She said as she closed her eyes, this song always sent a wave of pleasure through her.

'I have heard it before.' L said quietly quickly glancing at her and appreciating how beautiful and relaxed she looked.

'It sounds like a song you would hear in a dream.' Near spoke up.

Lily opened her eyes and glanced back at him surprised, 'That's a really good way to describe it; it does feel so dreamy.'

L wished the word dream hadn't been mentioned as he suddenly felt his heart begin to pound in his chest.

He gripped onto the steering wheel and remained focused on the country roads leading up to Wammy's it was still dark which didn't help elevate his current mood.

Lily began to hum along; her voice was soothing to him. He sighed feeling a little relieved however his chest suddenly jolted with an agonising pain and there in front of them, standing in the middle of the road was the Shinigami, grinning at him.

L gasped and steered the car off road causing the tires to screech to a stop. Thankfully he had slammed on the breaks before they had driven straight into a ditch.

'Oh shit, L!' Lily cried taking off her belt and gripped onto his shoulder. He didn't move, he was frozen looking ahead of him at the dark, empty road.

Lily turned around quickly, 'Near are you alright?' She asked noticing the boys shocked expression. He nodded slowly looking at her.

She nodded and turned her attention back to L, 'L can you hear me?' He didn't answer; he was so pale and looked frozen. She had seen this expression on him before and knew exactly what the cause of it was. 'L come on.' She said pulling at his hands so he let go of the wheel. 'L look at me sweetheart.' She said softly turning his face towards her with her hands. 'It's alright, we are okay; you're alright.'

It took a moment before she noticed his eyes focusing themselves onto her. He nodded slowly focusing in on her face.

'Okay, come on let me take over, we are almost there now anyway.' She said unclipping his belt.

She watched him slowly open the door and step out. She rushed around the car and hugged him tightly; he simply stood there and allowed her too. 'It's okay, you're strong, the strongest person I know, I'm here and you'll never be alone in this.' She whispered into his ear.

She released him and waited for him to get back into the car before looking ahead of her at the empty road. Although she couldn't see anything she felt a chill run through her, she knew _it_ had been there; L would have never endangered their lives like that for nothing.

The look on his face haunted her, it truly did. He still had it when she reversed the car back onto the road. She gave Near a quick reassuring smile and drove off.

She held onto L's cold hand, never letting it go.

* * *

The house was dark and quiet as they pulled up. They all got out from the car quietly. Near shuffled forward and unlocked the door with its huge key that seemed gigantic in his tiny hands.

She held on to L's arm as they walked into the house.

'Oh it's so warm...even at this hour she whispered.' She said as she accidentally switched on the chandelier light making them all shut their eyes from the sudden burst of light.

'Ow...sorry guys.' She said as she opened her eyes slowly as they adjusted.

Near began heading up the stairs but then stopped and looked back, 'L...are you...alright?' He asked seriously.

L cleared his throat and began walking towards the computer room, 'Yes thank you Near, I'm well.' He said without looking back at either of them.

Lily and Near shared a look, 'You better go and get some sleep...it's too early...' She said yawning.

'You might want to take your own advice doctor.' He said before walking up some more. 'Lily?' He turned back around towards her. 'You'll keep helping him right?'

She smiled softly, 'Of course, I'll never stop.'

* * *

Lily hadn't bothered trying to sleep, how could see? She hated the fact that he had wondered off on his own...especially after what happened.

She had left him alone now for an hour, he hadn't come to her so he must be still prepping for today's interview with SHS.

She couldn't lie in bed any longer, she had to go t him; she had to see if he was at least alright.

She trotted her way down the stairs and found some of the workers had already begun the day. She smiled politely at them as she walked past.

She stopped outside the computer room and knocked quietly on the door. 'L? It's me, Can I come in?'

'Yes Lily.' She heard him say through the door.

She sighed, relieved that he answered her. She opened the door quickly and walked in, closing it behind her.

He was seated in his usual "thinking" position and watching the monitors in front of him. She was pleased to find he has at least turned on the lamp.

She approached him slowly and stood next to him. 'What are you looking at?' She said taking a closer look at the monitors.

'Surveillance footage from the day we located and arrested SHS.'

She nodded, she supposed it was a good thing that he was getting back into detective mode...that's what he needed to do right now. 'Any reason why?'

'Because I know SHS, I know how he works and this behaviour was very unlike him...he just made it too easy for us to catch him, he waited for us to make our move, sitting there with that ridiculous smile on his face. I want to know why...why did he allow himself to get caught so easily? What is his hidden agenda and what's more...' he picked up the control and pressed the rewind button and then paused it. He pointed to the top left screen showing a man wearing a long black coat, with the collar turned up and a hat which hid his face from view. 'I want to know who this is.'

Lily leant in to get a better look, 'Why? Was he is acting strange?' she questioned.

'You could say that, watch closely.' He rewinds the videos back again and then begins to play it. He points at the screen with the remote, 'We see SHS enter the Chinese medicine shop holding fireworks in his arms then...' He fast forwards a little, 'He comes out empty handed...after few moments this man here in the coat enters the shop...and...only a few minutes pass before he walks out again with his arms full of fireworks.'

'That doesn't make sense...it's just a medicine shop right?' Lily asked.

'Yes.'

'So SHS handed them over to this man? You think he is working with him?'

'It would seem that way. The mystery man knew exactly where the surveillance cameras were so he was obviously hiding his identity on purpose.'

'But why fireworks? It's so strange all of this...doesn't the Chinese Medicine shop have any footage? You know from security cameras?'

'We have already looked into it and it seems the shop is not equipped with any security cameras.'

'Hmm how convenient.' She tutted.

She felt his hand cover hers, he still felt cold. She looked down at him; his eyes were now focused on hers. 'Are you not tired Lily?' Shouldn't you get some sleep?' He asked softly while gently stroking her hand.

She smiled and brushed the hair from his eyes, 'I'll sleep when you're interviewing...unless I'm bothering you...I just wanted to make sure you're alright.'

'It is I who should be asking you that. I'm so sorry I put you and Near's lives in danger, if anything had happened to you...' His voice drifted off.

She held him against her, stroking his hair while she felt him wrap his arms tightly around her body. 'We are fine, Near is fine and so am I, it is you we are worried about...but I know this is not the time for you to be speaking about this, I want you to focus and do what you do best, make sure this bastard pays for what he's done and find out what it is he actually wants. I believe in you L as everyone in this house and even the world does.'

She feels him shake his head against her, 'The only person I want believing me is you.'

'And what did I just say? I do, one hundred percent. I just want you to be okay, for you to be happy in doing what you're doing and know that you have all the support in the world.'

'Thank you Lily, but all I want is to hide away with in bed...' He lifts his head to look at her; her heart melts at his lost and loving expression.

She smiles and kisses him lightly, 'don't worry we'll have all the time in the world for that, I promise.'

He smiles finally and holds up his pinkie to her.

'Really?' She laughs, 'You don't believe in such things surely.'

'No but you do and besides...Near got one so I want one...'

She laughs loudly then, 'How can you be such a genius with such a childish mind?'

He grips onto her finger with his, 'It's worked for me so far.'

* * *

After pinkie promising to L they would be able to make love whenever and...wherever they wanted (his input) she hesitantly left him to work saying she would come back in half an hour before his interview with some breakfast.

She wondered as she walked towards the kitchen what kind of a mood cook was in today...perhaps she could convince her to make L's favourite éclairs; that should surely brighten him up a little.

She pushed open the door and was suddenly slammed back landing on her arse.

Bertram suddenly flew out through the doors and looked at her horrified. He seemed so frantic and looked like he was in shambles, something Lily hadn't seen before.

'Oh Miss Everly, please forgive me.' He stuttered as he helped her up quickly. 'I was certain I didn't see you.'

'No it's fine, it was just an accident. Luckily I had my hands out so my nose didn't get hit.' She giggled.

Bertram looked down avoiding her eyes, 'yes well I'm glad, is there anything I can do for you miss?' he asked a little too hastily.

'Um no...everything is fine, although I was looking for cook; I wanted to see is she would make some of L's favourite éclairs.'

Bertram cleared his throat awkwardly; 'I believe I saw a fresh batch on the counter top. So it would seem you and cook had the same idea.'

'Oh wonderful.' Lily smiled.

'Yes well if there is nothing else, I'll take my leave.' He bowed stiffly and walked away without with a second look.

Strange man she thought, in fact that whole exchange just felt very...odd.

* * *

'Ah L here you are. Is everything prepared?' Watari asked as he walked into the computer room.

L swallowed feeling the guilt returning full force. 'Yes Watari, if you leave now you should make it on time.'

'Very well I shall make my way down there now then; I'll call as soon as I'm at the station.' He smiled and turned to leave.

'Watari...' L called out quickly.

'Hmm?'

'I want to speak with you when you return; there is something we must discuss.'

Watari frowned a little, 'Of course L.'

'And Watari...I just wanted to say...thank you for everything.'

* * *

'Oh good I've caught you in time.' Lily said as she pushed open the door with her elbow. 'Thought I'd bring you something tasty and as luck would have it cook had thought the same.' She set down tray of éclairs and a pot of tea. 'Have you got time to eat?'

L shook his head and smiled, 'you are a darling aren't you.' He pulled her into his lap quickly causing her to squeal.

They kissed tenderly before she turned picked up an éclair and held it to his mouth. He smirked before taking a bite, 'Mmm.' His eyes closed in pleasure which caused Lily to blush. Her blush deepened as he licked the cream from his lips. Thankfully he was blissfully unaware of how aroused she was.

'I must say cook has really out done herself, I have no idea what she's done but these taste sublime.' He said studying the éclair in her hand.

She laughed, 'don't they always taste like that?'

He shook his head, 'of course they always taste lovely however this time...they are intoxicating almost.'

'That's what sugar does L, you know it's a legal drug right?'

He rolled his eyes, 'let's not begin with that now, I am enjoying these far too much to stop eating them.' he took another bite.

She kissed his chocolate covered lips, 'Mmm, why can't you always taste this sweet?' She teased.

He frowned and swallowed, 'well I would if you hadn't cut down my sugar intake.'

'What? I've barely made a dent in the amount of sugar you consume.' She protested.

'I now have nectar in my tea...' He said gobbling the last of the éclair.

She licked her fingers, 'which is much better for you and that's the only substitute you've made...'

He shrugged, 'it's enough.'

She tutted and wiped a bit of cream from his cheek, 'you're so messy.' She snorted. She looked up at him as he became quiet. 'What? Are you still hungry?'

'I am...but for something else entirely...' He said his voice dropping into that husky tone she loved.

She grinned and bit her lip... 'Yeah..., no we are not going there now.' She got up quickly. Watari will be arriving soon so you better get your head into gear.'

He leant back against his chair, 'we have at least ten minutes before he arrives, come sit back down.' And just as timing would have it his laptop begun to ding.

'Hmm more like ten seconds, come and find when you're done okay, I love you, good luck.' She smiled sweetly back at him before leaving the room.

Please let everything so smoothly...she prayed to herself.

* * *

'SHS.' L said leaning forward even thought he knew the killer couldn't see him.

'L...how nice it is to hear your voice again while I speak to your puppet.'

'I will not discuss the same conversation again SHS. I don't have the time nor the patience for it.'

'Ooh someone has got their panties in a twist.' SHS mocks and holds up his hands.

L rolls his eyes attempting to get his anger under control, 'Just tell me this SHS, who are you working for? I know you and this isn't your style, in fact if my memory serves me well you have avoided all confrontation with me for years and not once have you ever allowed yourself to get caught so easily.'

'Ah so you noticed that huh?' SHS cackles while picking at his nails.

'So I'll ask again, who are you working for?'

'Now I was under the impression that the great detective L knows everything...but I suppose this situation is quite the genius one in itself...no wonder your feeling a little lost.'

L studies him; he just seemed too calm for someone who was facing life imprisonment.

'How are you feeling L? Been feeling a little under the weather hmm? Perhaps you've not been getting enough sleep? Well I wouldn't be surprised considering the things that go bump in the night, wouldn't you agree?'

L's blood suddenly turned cold. He could feel that...thing approaching him from behind...but he had to stay focused, wait what the hell did SHS just say?'

'What...' His voice broke a little so he cleared his throat, 'What did you say? What do you know?'

SHS chuckled again, 'it doesn't matter what I know...my time is almost done, I've done everything they wanted me to do and I'm gonna reap the rewards if not in this life then the next.'

'There's no such place that would reward anyone like yourself, you're just fooling yourself SHS; whoever you work for has played you for like a puppet. You're in here and they're out there, I believe you're the one who drew the joker card.'

'Always so cock sure aren't we L? But I guarantee I'll be having the last laugh and you... have no idea what's to come, it's already happening I'm sure you must know that, you've been experiencing things right? Things that terrify you beyond comprehension?'

L's eyes widened, what was he saying? Was he speaking of the Shinigami? How? How could he know about that?

SHS sighed, 'The only thing that bothers me is that I won't be there to see it when it all comes crashing down upon you; all well knowing that you're demise is on the cards keeps me a happy boy.'

A cackle echoes through the room causing L to snap his head around in terror. He stand up suddenly feeling the need to bolt from the room. He turns around back to the screen, 'We are done here Watari; you can leave. And SHS I hope you realise just what you have signed over.'

'Oh what would that be?'

'Your soul, it's obvious you've signed away your soul to the devil.'

SHS laughs, 'See? The great L does know everything after all. I'm sure I'll see you in hell then, gonna be quite the party when you arrive...which won't be long now...'

L gulped because something inside him believed SHS could be telling the truth, but that didn't mean he couldn't change fate, he had to.

* * *

Instead of catching up on sleep Lily had begun packing her bags ready for the dreaded visit to her mother's...but still they had their mini break to look forward to after right?

Of course she wouldn't hold it against L if he had forgotten. She had almost forgotten herself and besides they hadn't any time to plan or even book flights to go anywhere.

Whatever happened she just wanted to spend as much as time as could with him. Germany was coming up fast...but she didn't want to think of that now.

She heard a car approaching and leant over to the window to look out onto the drive. 'Oh Watari's back.' That means L had already finished his interview, but why hadn't he come to see her?

She dropped her clothes inside her case and ran from the room. She couldn't help feeling a sense of dread especially from the way L had been lately.

She turned to go down the remainder of the staircase but stopped suddenly as she found L sitting at the bottom of the stairs staring at the door.

She backed away as Watari walked in and found him.

'L? Why are you sitting there? Are you alright? Do you wish to talk about what happened with SHS?'

What happened with SHS? God what did happen with him she wondered as she back away completely from view, she didn't want to disturb them.

'No Watari there is something else I have to speak with you about...something that you and I both need to share.'

She heard Watari clear his throat, 'I see, well...shall we then?' He said.

Lily peaked her head around to just catch them both walking off together. She smiled to herself; at least he would be safe with Watari.


	46. Chapter 46

**New chapter with more drama and more L of course!**

 **Hope you enjoy, much love! X**

* * *

L had never been so nervous in Watari's presence. He didn't know where to even start.

He heard Watari close the door to his office and walk around him to sit in his chair. 'Take a seat then.' He smiled kindly at him.

L nodded and sat down...normally, this way he felt more open to Watari than his squatting position.

'So then, tell me what's on your mind.' Watari prompted leaning back in his chair waiting for him to speak.

L began to pick at the fabric of the armchair he was sitting on. He wanted to speak but he couldn't seem to voice any words.

'Shall I call for some tea?' Watari suggests.

L shook his head, 'No thank you.'

'Then please L speak to me, what's wrong?' Watari asked softly.

'I have been having...night terrors...about Kira' He said finally, his body was stiff; he couldn't bear to look up at Watari so he kept his eyes down.

Watari was silent for a few tense moments before reacting, 'Oh...I see...and these night terrors do they occur often?' He asked slowly.

'They used too but they have lessened since Lily arrived here.'

'Then I have something to admit myself...' Watari said quietly.

L looked up at him, 'I already know you have them too.'

Watari looked surprised for a moment then quickly composed himself, 'how did you know?'

'Near...he has heard you in the night, he told me when he overheard me at the hotel last night.'

'I see..., poor boy… I never wanted to seem weak to him, to anyone.'

'You're not weak Watari!' L said snapping his head up in disbelief. 'How could you say such a thing? You are the strongest man I know and you have been suffering alone with this because I have been selfish; too preoccupied with myself. I never stopped to think how you were coping with everything.' He quietened down again, dipping his head, feeling ashamed of himself.

'L...it is not your job to take care of me, I take care of you...' Watari said a leaning forward.

'We take care of each other, I am grown man and you are...like...my father.' He said feeling embarrassed.

Watari swallowed the lump that has suddenly formed in his throat.

'I am so sorry Watari I should have been there for you; we could have spoken about everything and helped each other.'

Watari smiled sadly, 'it's never too late...'

L met his kind face, he realised he hadn't really looked at Watari for such a long time. He looked tired and worn out...like he hadn't been getting enough sleep. L gave him a reassuring smile, 'perhaps we shall call for some tea after all.'

* * *

'Lily! Kiki yelled as the barged into her room.

Lily jumped with fright dropping the skirt she had been folding up. 'Oh my god! Kiki!' She put her hand to her chest.

Kiki laughed and jumped up onto her bed.

Lily smirked at her and suddenly looked up and found Soot and Eve standing in the doorway...holding hands.

'Oh hey guys, I haven't seen you for a while.' She smiled at them, she was truly happy to see them. 'Come in...At least you two have some manners...' She tickles Kiki under her arms.

Kiki laughs and rolls away from her.

'So what brings you to my quarters then?' Lily asks picking up her skirt from the floor.

'Hide and seek!' Kiki yells excitedly.

'Yeah we were just about to play when Kiki insisted on asking you to join.' Soot smirked at her.

'I'm a bit old for hide and seek...' Lily began.

'Aww no, please Lily you have to join in, there is a huge group of us playing.' Eve said sweetly.

'Oh really?' so who is _IT_ then...it's not Mello is it?' She said frowning at them.

The three of them laughed, 'Mello never plays with us.' Kiki said fiddling with her pig tails.

'Well that's a relief.'

They suddenly heard a male shout out, 'Come on everyone, we all start in the hall and then we scatter!'

'Who's that?' Lily inquires not recognising the voice.

'Oh that's Matt, he was his idea to play he loves it.' Eve giggled.

'Are you playing then Lily?' Soot asked once more, cocking up his eyebrow.

Lily looked down at Kiki huge and pleading eyes, 'Oh alright then.' She submitted.

'Yay! Kiki grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door.

She smiled at the two lovebirds as they all walked down the staircase together...it was wide enough to have all four of them walk side by side.

Lily gulped as she saw a huge hoard of bodies all gathered in and around the hall. Some she recognised but others she didn't. They all ranged in ages, height and hair colour. She felt terrified.

A tall and handsome teen in a stripy top and ripped up trousers turned towards them. 'Ah this must be the famous Doctor Everly I've heard so much about.' He said and strolled up to them and held out his hand.

'Hello, nice to meet you, please call me Lily.' She smiled as she gave him his hand which he kissed.

He grinned up at her, 'A real pleasure Lily...you're just a beautiful as everyone said you were...L is a lucky guy.' He smiled kindly at her.

Lily wished for the floor to swallow her up as she heard whispering and muttering from everyone around her...obviously not everyone had been made aware of her relationship with L...; well they certainly had now.

* * *

'I'd wish you had come and confided in me Lawliet. Why did you keep these hallucinations to yourself for so long.?' Watari said feeling frustrated and terrified for his boy.

L shrugged, 'I thought it was a simple case of PTSD; I thought I would be strong enough to overcome on my own as I have done before.'

'Yes but...' Watari sighed heavily.

'The only reason this all came forward was because of my sessions with Lily; otherwise I may have never said anything to anyone.'

Watari shook his head sadly, 'I am already so grateful to her but now, I feel I am in her debt.'

'As am I.' L said thinking of her with a smile.

'But this Shinigami you have been seeing..., you said it's neither of the two we dealt with while on the Kira case?' Watari asked a little confounded.

L exhaled heavily, 'no...It's...him; he has become one of them.' he stared at Watari.

Watari's eyes widened with horror as it dawned on him of whom L was speaking of. 'What? You are saying that...Kira...has become a Shinigami?'

'That is what I believe yes.'

'But...but how is this possible?' Watari asked finding this all very difficult to believe.

'I have no idea, none of this makes any sense and I am afraid I'm nowhere close to finding out.'

Watari shook his head and closed his eyes resting his head back against his chair. 'And you believe Miss Armane may hold some answers?'

'She was obsessed with Light and Kira. She became the second Kira just so she could meet Light and join him on his quest for world domination. So...depending on her state of mind...she could still be useful...or she could be out for blood as she still believes it was I who shot down Kira in his last moments.'

'I don't want to say it but I am going with the latter. I don't know why you insisted to take the blame for Kira's death. Matsuda should have been the one to receive the praise for it. He did save your life.'

'This wasn't about who deserved the praise and acknowledgment for Kira's death Watari...it was for Matsuda's safety and in doing this he could go on and have a normal career and life without having to be known as the man who shot down Kira, Matsuda is not for the life of fame.'

'Yes...I can certainly agree with you on that.'

'Besides...I can hide from the prying eyes whereas for someone like Matsuda it wouldn't be so easy.'

'I know he appreciates everything you have done.'

'He saved my life for which I am not even close to repaying yet.'

'You know he is your friend L, so friends shouldn't have to repay each other.' Watari says wiping his glasses with a cloth. 'You are fully aware he doesn't want you to repay him; for Matsuda saving your life was one of his proudest moments.'

L cocked an eyebrow at him, 'His words I take it?'

Watari smiles a little, 'I've cut out a lot...the man does love to go on.'

L almost chuckles instead he settles with a smirk.

'How...how have you coped Watari? How have you gone on day by day with the horrors in your mind?' L asked quietly, he had now made a small hole in the arm chair from all the picking.

Watari shrugs, 'I've had no choice...I have my children here who need me to be strong. I couldn't nor would I ever allow myself to slip. They must always feel secure here and if they don't then they must have faith in us to protect them.'

This is why L admired his guardian so much. The man was built from something stronger than he was. He never felt sorry for himself nor did he show ever his weakness to the outside world. L had always looked up to him...ever since he was a child.

'You must know how much I admire you Watari however, the Kira case was nothing like we have faced before and it is evidentially still haunting us. So please I asking you as a friend to come to me whenever you feel the need to speak about anything that may be bothering you. We have lived it and we can overcome this together. Will you promise me this?'

He looks up again at Watari; the love on his guardian's face was obvious. L didn't know how to react so he looked down to his feet.

He heard Watari clear his throat, 'Thank you Lawliet, I am truly grateful for you concern and of course I will come to you if I ever feel the need to. I already feel much better from this conversation alone...so thank you my boy.'

L nodded quickly feeling his emotions rising up faster than he could control. He could feel the sting in his eyes.

The atmosphere quickly changed as ecstatic screams and running footsteps sounded from outside the room.

L rolled his eyes. 'There is only one game that can make such a noise.' He said looking towards the door.

Watari sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, 'It's that time again is it?'

* * *

Lily was out of breath as she skidded into the reading room. 'Shit.' She muttered to herself as she looked around for a hiding place. She could already hear the onslaught of footsteps and knew she had to hide quickly.

She looked at the drapes hanging down and thought about hiding behind them, 'No too obvious.'

She looked around the room and realised she had probably chosen into the worst room fir such a game...typical.

She bit her lip and quickly dashed for the door that leads to the garden. She pulled at the handle but it was locked. 'Shit.' She whispered again as she turned the rusty key to unlock it. It made a deafening squeak as it turned in the lock; she was out the door which such speed she forgot to close it behind her.

She looked around the corner of the house; it was clear. Perhaps there was a rule about only staying within the house? She hadn't heard that rule when Matt had them all gathered round.

She looked out to the grounds but knew she would be spotted a mile away out there in the open. And with what she had seen earlier those kids could really move; she would be caught within minutes.

She snuck herself towards the fountain and crouched behind it so she was facing the house. She realised while her heart thumped like mad that this was probably the worst hiding place any human could have possibly chosen...but she was stuck. She just had to make it work. She couldn't risk sneaking back into the house for fear she would be seen. No she would stare here and survey the area.

She looked above her and realised she was well hidden from the windows above by the structure of the fountain itself. Plus the mist from the water helped shroud her from anyone's view.

She ducked suddenly as she heard footsteps approaching. Her heart was hammering in her chest. Why did she agree to this? Hide and seek always had her finishing in a sweating and panting mess.

The footsteps seemed to have passed her. She was safe for now...

'So I am not the only one who cheats I see.' A voice purred into her ear from behind.

She gasps loudly and turns around in a panic. Her panic soon turns to horror and then anger as she takes in the large frame of Kenzo who had now squatted himself beside her.

'What the hell are you doing here?' She snarled at him.

He shushed her silently by putting a finger up to his lips. 'Keep your voice down doc, Quinn and Jezebel are it and they are fast.' He grinned.

'I don't want to be anywhere near you.' She whispered angrily going to get up.

He pulls her down by the wrist and points through the water. 'They're just there...'

She snatches her arm away from his grasp and peeks through the water. She quickly ducks again she when spotted two small figures.

'You followed me didn't you?' she whispered without looking at him.

'Not at first...I didn't even know it was you until I got closer and by then it was too late to turn around.'

'You could have just got caught.'

'Now where's the fun in that?' He smirked.

She jumped when a squeal sounded out from the house.

Kenzo chuckled, 'This game always becomes too serious .There are always injuries and tantrums by the end of it.'

She pretends to ignore him feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

'But...it's a yearly tradition I suppose. I have won a couple of times myself.' He gloats.

Again she rolls her eyes, 'Oh of course you have, because you're so perfect aren't you.' She said sarcastically.

She expected him to snide at her, laugh or praise himself as he usually did but he was silent. A few moments pass before he began to speak again, she couldn't help hear his tone had changed dramatically. 'I didn't want to have sessions with you to get in your knickers...I want you to know that.' He whispered softly to her. 'I never expected I would have such feelings for you, they just came out of nowhere.'

She pretends didn't affect her by keeping her eyes straight forward, she would not look at him, 'I don't care, all I know is that you're not the man I thought you were. You have made it quite clear you're a bully and a heartbreaker of which I have no time for.'

He was silent again so she carried on feeling her rage bubbling at the surface.

'And once more how on earth can you have _feelings_ for me?' She chuckles cruelly. 'You don't even know me.' She turns her head to look at him...big mistake as his haunted and lost expression overwhelmed her with an immediate sense of guilt. It was the same expression that had flashed before her when he was opening up about himself in the session. He had quickly hidden it with a smirk and a wink though. But not this time however.

He kept his eyes down as he spoke, 'I know what I am...trust me many have already told me; their words are usually accompanied with a slap or a kick...well deserved of course.' He rolls his eyes and his slumps his back against the fountain.

'I am not going to feel sorry for you.' She whispered trying to keep anger laced through her voice.

She ducked quickly as more footsteps trotted across from somewhere in front...the doors to the sun room must be open she thought.

He chuckled without humour, 'I don't want you to feel sorry for me, that's all everyone does, even the women I sleep with...they can all see the emptiness as I make love to them, They feel it and what gets me is although they are hurting themselves they want to help me still. I don't understand women at all.'

'Seems to be familiar disability amongst some of the people in this house...' She mentally kicked herself as soon as the words left her mouth...what the hell did she just say that? She wasn't usually this cruel or cynical. It's just...he was making her _want_ to help him... even after everything he had said and done...and she was angry for herself for even entertaining the thought.

He snorts, 'disability...that seems to fit perfectly.'

He brushes his long, red mane of hair back and sighs heavily, 'I know you don't wish to hear any of this but I don't care. You seem to be really into this game and I know you don't want to get caught so I guess you're gonna have to listen...' He smirks looking up at her.

She catches his eyes for a second and looks away. Damn him and damn her competitive streak. She really didn't want to lose but...did she really want to hear him out?'

'Firstly I'll start with an apology. I'm mortified by my behaviour and I should have never, ever kissed you like that. I know this is probably hard for you to believe but that's not how I do things...I am smooth; patient...I am never forceful with anyone. You were the last person I ever wanted to hurt. I am so sorry Lily.' He said, his voice was hoarse but she couldn't look him on the eye. She didn't know what to do. It sounded like a sincere apology but it wasn't enough. He had hurt L, he had called him awful things and she couldn't forgive that.

'I can't accept your apology Kenzo and it's not because I am childish or bitter. It's because of how to you spoke and treated L. There was just no need for it. You provoked him.' She looked down at him not caring if her voice was too loud. 'You have no idea the extent he goes to keep you all safe. He suffers greatly but hides it inside and the things you called him were so cruel and just so unnecessary...why? Why are you so cruel?' She asked angrily.

He shook his head sadly, 'I'm not...I mean...I don't mean to be cruel it's just.' He looks at her, his green eyes filled with emotion, she backs away afraid he might kiss her again. 'I have no one and he has you...and what I can't seem to make clear in my mind is how...'

She frowns at him but stays quiet. Although she didn't like where this was going.

'How?' He continues looking through her. 'How does someone like him end up with someone like you?' He laughs bitterly as he shakes his head.

Her stomach drops and her cheeks flame with embarrassment.

'Don't get me wrong, I respect the hell out of him I always have ever since Watari brought mew here. Even that dick Mello does; everyone respects L. But everyone also knows how weird that guy is. He never sleeps, he only eats sweets, always wears the same outfits, hardly socialises with any of us unless he is giving a lecture. 'I've never seen him with a girl...except for Suri but everyone knows about her...' He rolls his eyes, 'but then suddenly you come along and you chose him!' He yells suddenly.

She shushes him and listens out...she exhales when she doesn't hear anyone approaching. 'Jesus keep it down...and for you information it wasn't as simple as choosing between any of you. I didn't even get to know any of you until after I began forming a relationship with L.'

He stays silent folding his arms.

'And just to make it clear I never saw it coming either. All I knew was that I was going to assist my mother within her sessions with _the_ L. I can tell you that I never came here with the thought of love or finding someone like him.' She almost smiled to herself just thinking back on their first meeting and how instantly attracted she was to him...

He shakes his head is disbelief, 'I just don't get it. Either he is the luckiest son of a bitch on this planet or he seriously has some tricks up his sleeve; a secret Don Juan move or something.'

She found her lips twitching, 'No...no tricks, it was just L being L that grabbed hold of me and when I learned more about him and how he trusted me and allowed me into his world and heart...well things just blossomed from there...very quickly.'

He snorts again, 'understatement of the century.' He snides.

She rolls her eyes. 'even so, it happened and I just want to make something clear...I am not anything special...I don't hate myself or have any insecurities about my looks but I think you can do much better Kenzo. I am not...that...amazing.' She said awkwardly as she really wasn't and his fascination with her was truly puzzling.

'Don't sell yourself so short doc.' He locked eyes with her, her breath almost hitched. It seemed like she was never truly prepared for how beautiful he was.

She sighed, 'I'm not, I'm simply saying I am nothing special, just a plain Jane really and I've seen some of the women you have brought here...they are more on your level shall we say.'

He chuckles again and closes his eyes, 'they are all the same. They all want the same thing from me but I can never give them it. I can give them my body without a hitch...but my heart...never.' He looks at her sadly, 'I just know you're different...I can feel it...I told you I have certain abilities and you misses..., your something else.'

She doesn't know how to answer that, she can only tut and lean back against the fountain herself. She realised anything she said wouldn't matter. He wasn't going to change his mind.

'I've never been more envious of anyone than I am of L and yes I'll admit it has been driving me mad. I don't hate him...how could I? And believe it or not I feel awful for what I've said to him...but deep, deeeeep down I am happy for him. I am happy he has found someone like you...but that doesn't stop me from wanting to knock him out and go all King Kong on you.'

Lily couldn't help herself as she snorted with laughter. Just the visualisation alone of Kenzo beating at his chest and climbing up a building with her was too much to hold back.

He seemed as surprised as she was at her sudden burst of laughter, but it had him chuckling too.

'I'm not interrupting something am I?'

Both Kenzo and Lily's eyes widen as they look out towards the grounds.

Lily gasps and quickly scrambled to her feet. 'L' She says suddenly.

She looked down beside at Kenzo who rolled his eyes and stood up stiffly. 'Relax man; we were only hiding from Quinn and Jezebel.'

She wished Kenzo had used a different tone because the way L was standing, so still...it was unnerving. He didn't seem angry but that's what had her on edge...he was too calm, His eyes were intense but his face gave nothing away...; a very impressive talent of his.

He begins to walk up to them slowly at first but then at the last moment he speeds up and punches Kenzo with such force he flies back into the fountain.

Lily yells out from shock, 'L my god!'


	47. Chapter 47

**A lot of drama and heart wrenching moments here..hope you're prepared.**

 **This was quite difficult for me to write as I get far too involved with everything.**

 **Please leave me a review. I would love to hear what you all thought.**

 **Thank you! :)**

* * *

He felt nothing but rage as he watched the two of them laugh with one another. It was a rage like no other he had ever felt.

It was the first time he had ever struck someone unprovoked and he was ashamed to admit to himself that he enjoyed it. Feeling his fist collide with Kenzo's smug face, although painful, felt good.

Then the laugh came...the same laugh that been haunting his dreams since he returned home from Japan.

However this time the laugh felt welcomed almost...as if it were on his side, it wanted him to hurt Kenzo, goading him on.

He looked back at Lily as she yelled at him, fear had overcome her, he hated that look on her face but who was she fearful for? For him or for Kenzo?'

'L what are you doing!' She pulled him back from the fountain's edge.

He frowned suddenly at her, 'Why are you so surprised? Have you suffered amnesia or do you simply wish to forget everything he has done to you.' He asked cuttingly.

He noticed Lily's eyes widening as she took him in, he had never seen that expression on her face before, but he didn't care, he had to know why she was reacting like this; she should be pleased he was at least standing up for her and punishing Kenzo.

'L...he...apologised, he's suffering...' She began.

He snapped as he yelled at her cutting her off, 'Why are you defending him!'

She jumped back again with that look in her eyes.

He hated that look!

The laugh began to penetrate his mind again causing him to feel dizzy; he didn't want to hear it now...he didn't want to cause any more pain...not really.

He clamped his hands over his ears shaking his head desperately trying to block out the unearthly cackle.

'L? What's wrong? What's happening to you?' he hears her say as she touches his arm lightly.

'No.' He quickly flinched his body away from her, he didn't want to her to hear the laughs either.

'Oh Christ L look at me! You're scaring me!' She yells at him terrified.

He looks up at her and meets her eyes. Suddenly the laughing stopped and he sighed a breath of relief.

He was suddenly hit with a powerful force that had him tumbling to the ground winding him.

'Kenzo no!' Lily shouted.

L looked up to see Kenzo upon him dripping wet. He pulls at his shirt bringing their faces closer. 'You're a fucking lunatic and you seriously don't deserve her.' Kenzo sneered at him before punching him in the face.

Blood spluttered out from his mouth but surprisingly he felt numb...there was no pain.

Kenzo lands another punch causing his head to snap the other way.

L heard Lily angrily screech, 'Kenzo get the hell off him! Stop it!'

L blinks a few times before his eyes can focus again; he catches Kenzo forcefully shoving Lily away from him as she attempted to pull him off from him.

L's vision turns a hazy red as he tucks up his knees and kicks out sending Kenzo flying off from him.

He jumps up to his feet and wipes the blood for his mouth. 'When are ever going to learn not to touch her.' He growled as he stalked towards Kenzo who had already risen from the ground.

Kenzo throws off his black jacket and throws it on the floor, he was still soaking wet but that didn't stop him from grinning back at his mentor. 'You think you deserve her just because you're L, the world's greatest detective? You think she really needs someone like that in her life? You really believe that you can give her the love and time she deserves while you're off gallivanting around the globe?' Kenzo laughs.

L smirks, 'It's her choice she knows who I am and she chose me...not you. I love her more than you could ever imagine...in fact I've always believed it is you who is incapable of love.'

Kenzo laughs again almost hysterically, 'Me? I am the one incapable of love? That's rich coming from a guy everyone calls the robot.'

'Both of you stop this now!' Lily yells again.

Kenzo glances at Lily and like lighting L kicks out him hitting him square in the jaw.

Kenzo stumbled back but almost immediately lunged himself back towards L who quickly dogged out of the way rotating himself on the ground re-positioning himself behind him. Balancing on his hands he kicks out again with both of his legs making contact with Kenzo's back.

Kenzo drops to the ground, his breathing laboured...but he wasn't done...not yet.

Lily felt completely helpless as she watched them both beat one another.

They weren't listening to her, she had to get involved.

She gasped when she noticed a group of kids including Near, Mello and Soot had all gathered around, watching with horrified expressions.

She half expected them to start cheering them on but no; she could tell they were shocked, scared and hurt. These weren't ordinary children...they were more emotionally mature and loved one another.

'What's going on here?'She turned to see a red faced Watari storming towards them. His eyes widened as he realised it was L and Kenzo in the midst of a violent fight. He turned to her 'Lily! Why are they fighting?'

She shook her head, 'I can't explain...but we have to make them stop...now'

She heard L's pained voiced and turned to see Kenzo had slammed his shoulder into his chest.

'No Kenzo his bullet wound!' She yelled and before her mind had time to catch up with her body she had flung herself between them.

She threw her arm against L's chest and held out her other hand towards Kenzo who had to halt suddenly as he had been charging again for L.

She looked at Kenzo dead in the eye, 'Kenzo stop!'

He looked at her, his face bloody, his green eyes were fierce, she didn't know if he would listen to her however Watari had come from behind him and twisted his arm behind his back. Kenzo hissed with pain, 'That's enough.' Watari warned into his ear.

Lily heard L coughing behind and turned towards him. He didn't look at her, his eyes were still focused onto Kenzo, he seemed manic and she knew he wasn't done.

She gripped his arm like a vice and pulled him away. He hesitated at first as both he and Kenzo exchanged deathly looks to one another but finally after a few tugs he allowed her to lead him away. 'Come on, we are going for a drive' she said to him without looking back.

She glanced again at the crowd of children as they walked past them; her heart broke as she caught some with tears in their eyes...Kiki being one of them. How had everything fallen apart so quickly?

* * *

With all the commotion going on no one noticed as he snuck away to his room to make that all important phone call.

He kept checking to see if anyone was coming down the hallway when the person on the other end answered.

He spoke quickly into the receiver, remembering to keep his voice at a bare minimum. 'It's me...it's happening..., yes, it's beginning to take more of an affect...it won't be long now.'

* * *

She had yanked the car door open for him and roughly pushed him in. He had to quickly tuck his leg in as she slammed the car door so fast she almost took his foot off.

They didn't say anything as she drove them off down the winding country lanes. He was still shaking with adrenaline and anger. But he could feel anger coming from her too. He didn't know what she had to be angry about...he was only protecting the woman he loved, why couldn't she see that? Kenzo had everything coming to him.

He opened and moved his jaw from side to side; he flinched suddenly as a sharp pain shot through it.

He flexed his hand; it was already stiff and sore.

She turned suddenly into a quiet country lane that was over shadowed with trees, it was very well hidden; he didn't recognise it.

He watched her turn off the engine and then she sat herself back and sighed sadly.

He shook his head as the faint sounds of laughing began to rise up once more. Not again he inwardly thought; was he really going mad?

He hadn't noticed she had been watching him, he felt mortified.

'What's going on with you?' She asked seriously.

He shook his head quickly not knowing how to answer her.

'I can't believe you attacked him like that...and the look on your face...L...you truly scared me.'

'You're ridiculous...' He muttered angrily and turned to her, 'How can you be afraid of me Lily when you know how much I love you...he had to be punished for what he did to you.'

She shook her head staring at him, there is it was again, that look of utter disappointment.

'Punished? He's not a criminal L. He's young and hurt...yes what he did was very wrong and how he treated you was despicable. But I truly felt he was attempting to make amends for his actions and if you have heard him out this all would have ended very differently.'

He rolled his eyes, 'he's never given a second thought to the countless hearts he's broken and you believe he feels bad now? Why? For you? Yes I can believe there is some truth to that as I know he wants you for himself.' The laughing begins to deafen him inside his head. He pushes the car door open and gets out.

Lily follows him quickly. 'L what's wrong? This isn't you.'

He turns towards her, 'How would you know? You don't know me, perhaps this is the L you haven't met yet?'

She shakes her head walking closer to him, 'No, I know this isn't you, I can see it in your eyes and I can hear it on your voice, something is happening to you and you have to let me help you.'

He hisses as a shooting pain strikes from his head to his stomach causing him to bend over and cough.

Lily hurries towards him but just as she reaches him he throws up his hand to stop her. 'L...please...I'm so scared for you.' She pleads with him.

'I can't even recall to when I felt like myself...Kira changed that and now I believe you...you are here to finish me off.' He groans in pain as he straightens himself to face her. He couldn't stop the words coming from his mouth, he didn't want to say these things nor did he believe them, but he just couldn't stop.

She remains still and keeps quiet.

'Perhaps you were put here to tempt me...to send me mad and hurt everyone around me therefore leaving me isolated and alone, ready for you to have your way with me.'

His words were beginning to slur; he steps towards her but she remained where she was. 'I wonder Lily Everly, how many men you have done this too? I'm I just a number on your list or do you have many.. _.many_ more?'

The laughing was so loud now he couldn't even hear his own voice nor did he hear the slap of skin against his cheek as Lily struck him...however just as her hand had made contact the laughter stopped and he felt himself returning to earth, returning to the broken woman in front of him.

She held back her tears as she watched him turn his head slowly back towards her. The look on his face had her almost stepping back.

He looked like L again. His eyes were soft and round and his mouth was straight and he wasn't gritting his teeth anymore. But what broke her more was the look of shock and hurt on his face.

His eyes met hers as he gently placed his finger tips onto his face where she had struck him. His cheek was already turning red from her strike adding to the bruising from the onslaught of punches Kenzo had given him before.

His eyes seemed to glace over as they tilted down, he looked so lost.

She waited for him; she waited for him to say something...

Finally he looked up at her again; his eyes were full of pain and regret... 'Lily.' He quietly cries out.

'Shit.' She mutters and throws herself against him smashing their lips together in a desperate kiss.

He whimpers and grips onto her as if his life depended on it and kisses her back just as furiously.

She pushed him towards the car until his back makes contact with it. They start to tear at each other's clothes with him managing to pull open the top of her dress sending buttons everywhere.

They were like animals, clawing, biting, suckling at each other's lips and necks .Their hands gripped onto each other painfully.

She pulls herself away just long enough to growl, 'Car.'

He pants against her as he throws open the back door and climbs in pulling her with him.

She straddles him immediately as he sits, pinning him down with her body.

She takes his mouth again, holding his face against hers. She was desperate for him, she loved him, she hated seeing him suffering and she hated the words he had said to her. But she knew...; she could feel it hadn't been him...something had happened to him.

He pulls away from her to breathe, 'Lily oh god!' He almost yells out breathlessly. 'I need you!'

'I know.' She says surprisingly calmly as she unbuttons his jeans freeing him.

He mewls into her ear as she strokes him but there was no need as he was already ready for her. There was no time for foreplay now, she had to have him inside of her; they both needed each other.

Moving her knickers aside she slides herself onto him. He shudders violently and wraps him arms around her. She could feel he had started to cry.

Tears had begun streaming down her own cheeks as she moves herself against him. Hurt and pain soon turned to pleasure as she rocked her hips frantically against him.

He looked up at her, his eyes filled with complete abandonment with his love for her. 'I'm sorry Lily.' He breathed as he groaned in pleasure.

They were both panting as she rode him. All the while he clung her to him as if he couldn't be separated from her.

She knew he was a scared as she was...even more so because whatever was happening to him was getting worse and she was terrified of losing this L beneath her. This L who openly cried in front of her, who loved her with every bit of his being. Who opened up to her and trusted her with his life and secrets.

One of his hands gripped her hair tightly but not painfully. She looked down at him as he pulled her face towards his and he took her mouth again.

She groaned with pleasure her climax already coming to surface as he kissed her hungrily, desperately and lovingly.

He pulled away and held her gaze, 'I'm sorry.' She kissed him lightly on his lips as he said again, 'I'm so sorry.'

She shushed him softly as she slowed her pace down to catch her breath back. 'It's alright.' She tenderly kissed him attempting to show him she had already forgiven him.

He stroked her face; his eyes had never looked more longingly at her. He literally took her breath away.

'Oh god Lily I'm sorry.' He buried his face into her neck again and kissed it desperately. He kept repeating he was sorry until he began to lose himself. She could feel his grip on her tighten; he began to growl as he bit down on her neck and suckled it.

She yelled out as he began to thrust his hips up against her now taking control of the pace.

His pace was furious and she felt dizzy from the pleasure and energy coming from him.

Her fingers entangled themselves in his hair as she gripped onto him and allowed him to ravish her with his unbidden love.

She hummed as she felt exhausted and couldn't muster the energy to yell out in pleasure anymore.

He however had completely abandoned all restraint and made love to her with everything he had.

It didn't take long from his furious pace for both of them to climax together, both finally wailing out and taking each other's mouths as they both came down from their shared euphoria.

She wanted to carry on kissing him but she could hear him gasping out for air and so reluctantly took her lips from his.

She didn't move off from him and even if she were too she doubted he would allow her considering the vice like grip he had around her with his arms.

After a few moments of complete stillness and silence he began to rub her back softly with both of his hands. She loved the feeling of his long and elegant fingers against her. They felt strong but tender; she felt completely safe in his arms. He began to kiss her neck and shoulder with tenderness humming to her almost like a lullaby.

She rested her head on his shoulder as he lavished her with his delicate kisses.

Her eyes began to sting as she thought how wonderful it would be to freeze themselves in this moment...never having to face what had to be done.

* * *

She watched him as he slid back into the passenger's seat beside her and clicked his belt into place.

Although they hadn't said a word since they parted with a lingering kiss, the energy felt calm between them.

She was glad to see he had returned to his normal state and hoped he would remain so when she told him what she had to.

She swallowed, her heart was hammering in her chest, she wanted to cry as her conscious self begged her not to go through with it but she had too, it was the only way he could carry on with what he needed to do without becoming so...unhinged.

'Lawliet...' She said softly.

She could see in her peripheral vision that he can turned to face her. She didn't look at him because if she did she wouldn't go through with what she was about to say.

'I-I'm going to go back to my mother's...alone.' She noticed him visibly tense up beside her.

'Why?' He asked hoarsely.

She tucked her hair behind her ears feeling guilty and she hadn't even left him yet.

'Because me being here...with everything you're going through is doing nothing but hindering you. It's keeping you from your work. I truly believe if it wasn't for me you would have done what you needed to do and all of this madness with SHS would have been over by now.'

'That's ludicrous Lily, you can't possibly know that...'

'No but I know none of the fights and difficulties we have had in the house...with the others would have happened if I wasn't here.'

'Look at me Lily.' He demanded. 'If you're going to break it off with me at least look at me.' He said his voice breaking a little.

She sighed, 'I don't want to look at you...I'm a coward remember and as soon as I do I'll lose my resolve.'

'There's nothing cowardly about what you're doing...in fact it's cruel.' He said quietly.

She looked at him then; 'I'm not trying to be cruel! I'm trying to do the right thing here for you. This is not what I want...it's as hard for me as it is for you.' She said swallowing her sobs back.

He looks at her, his eyes again full of hurt, 'I very much doubt that. And honestly I can't understand how you came to this conclusion. How would I be able to get on as if nothing has happened between us? As if you didn't come into my life and opened a new world to me...a world I never saw myself experiencing with another. I see is as abandonment, nothing more.'

She shook her head and roughly wiped her cheeks from tears. 'This is not the end. I don't want this to be over but...I know you have to go on and do what you do best. You can't be getting jealous of others around me or worrying if I am safe in the house or not.'

'Isn't that what people do in relationships?' He raises his voice in fraustration knowing he is losing her.

'Yes but our current situation isn't normal and our relationship has been keeping you distracted for too long now.'

'No.' He said shaking his head.

She smiled sadly at him and turned on the engine, 'I have to brave this time and do what's best for the both of us no matter how much it hurts me.'

'Lily please for god's sake.' He begs her.

'I am not blaming you...I'm not even blaming myself for how things are between us. We are both passionate and jealous people and in normal circumstances we could work through that...but not when there are killers out there hunting you down and a Shinigami haunting your mind.

He shakes his head again, 'And you believe abandoning me is the best form of action to take?' He asks in disbelief.

'I don't know, I've tried to help as much as I can but I am not making anything easier...like I said just be being here distracts you and has you flying over the edge...I won't be the reason for your downfall L.'

'How can you think that? You're the reason I am still here; do you not realise it was falling in love with you that kept me going? I have told you this already.' He said leaning towards her a little.

She prayed he didn't touch her because she knew she would break down and she would never leave, he didn't understand that she truly thought this was for the best...for the both of them.

'I know... but now I am going to save you again if I can and this is the only way.'

'Don't do this Lily.' He begged.

She turned and stroked his face, 'it's not for good; I'll come back to you...when this entire chapter is over with SHS and Misa...'

'I won't go to Germany.' He said suddenly taking her hand from his cheek quickly.

She frowned at him, 'L... don't be a fool; you know you have to go.'

'I can't live without you so I don't care if she kills me.' His tone was serious, she knew he meant it.

'You're blackmailing me.' She accused.

'I'm aware.'

She stays silent; she didn't know how they would resolve this. But she had made up her mind; she was going back to her mother's. 'You're making things so difficult.' She said feeling defeated.

'And you're breaking my heart.'

She looked at him feeling her own heart breaking at his words. 'You know that's not what I'm trying to do here; I know you're more than capable of understating what I am attempting to do for the both of us. Don't you see? We will not last like this. You're jealously and my overall weakness to it all...it's going to break us.'

He sighed and turned to look out ahead of them. He remained quiet for what seemed a few minutes. Lily just stared at him praying he would see it from her point of view.

'If your determined to do this and what you tell me is true...that you will come back to me when this is all over...then I'll accept you have to go...on one condition.'

'What is it?' She asked cautiously.

'I must see you before I go to Germany.'

She shook her head, 'L I...'

He turned to face her, 'I may not come back Lily and I cannot.., will not have this wretched moment embedded into my mind as our last day together.'

She nodded, how could she argue with that. She had buried the thought of him not coming back so deep within her subconscious she almost forgot he was going at all. She looked back up at him, 'Yes alright I promise you I'll come and see you before you leave for Germany.'

* * *

He told her he would wait by the car while she packed her bags.

She hadn't stopped crying the moment she had closed her bedroom door behind her. Her anxiety was overwhelming as well as the feeling of her heart shattering.

She didn't want this...she didn't want to leave him and stay away from him...how could she just get on with normal life without him now?

She managed to pack her two bags through her tears and zip them up.

But this wasn't forever...so why did it seem like it would be? They weren't breaking up...but why did it feel like she would never see him again?

He said he couldn't live without her well she felt the same...maybe she would stay and...no...she couldn't. She knew it was their relationship and his feelings for her that were hindering him...

However she wasn't a fool and knew something else was happening to him but she just didn't see how her presence was helping at all. Yes they made love and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. They laughed and cuddled and even slept together at night...sometimes...but there was something else that kept bothering him and none of these moments shared together seemed to help or keep them away. She could feel it was something he had to get through himself. But of course she would come running of he called for her. She could never truly abandon him...she just had to give him the chance to see this through on his own.

She couldn't shake off the memory of how he had looked at her when they fought in the road. He just didn't look like him, the same could be said when he was fighting Kenzo...it seemed like L wasn't in there. As if he had become someone else almost.

Something in her was telling her not to leave but she knew not to listen to her heart as listening to her heart never aided her when trying to think logically.

No for the first time she felt this was the right decision. She had to be brave. He would defeat this on his own and in his own way. He could really go back to being L and doing what he did best.

He would only be without her for a few more days before he left for Germany...so he had to get his head together.

She quickly closed her door and jogged down the steps as quickly as she could so no one would spot her...especially the younger ones.

She exhaled when as she walked out of the house and found him standing where she had left him. His hands in his pockets and looking deathly pale.

'Thank you for waiting but I wish you didn't...its cold.' She said attempting to keep her voice steady and calm even though she was screaming on the inside.

The driver came out from the car and tipped his hat to her politely. 'Miss, shall I?' He gestured towards her bags.

'Oh yes thank you.' She forced a smile and handed them to him.

L said nothing but kept his eyes on her.

The driver closes the boot of the car and stands and waits at the passenger door.

'Can you give us a moment please?' She asked him kindly.

He nods and smiles and gets into the car closing the door behind him.

She finally looks at L. 'So...I guess I'll see you on the thirteenth?'

He nods and looks at her, his eyes already watering.

She couldn't bear it any longer and quickly attempts to walk past him to the car.

He snatches her wrist and pulls her back towards him kissing her with such fervency her knees almost buckle.

He holds onto her arms as he rests his lips upon hers. 'Please stay Lily; you don't have to do this.' He begs her against her lips he eyes clenched shut.

They had both broken down and were in such a state. She could taste the salt on their lips from their combined tears.

'Stay Lily..., Lily please stay..., please, please.' He was shattering her heart.

'I-I'll be back soon...I-I'll see you soon' She managed to croak out between her sobs.

She walked back towards the car; he was still holding on to her, 'Please Lily don't.' He cries against her.

'You'll be okay, we will be okay I promise, 'I'll see you soon, I love you always.' With her last remaining bought of strength she pulls herself from his grip and quickly gets into the car locking the door.

He tries to open the door but realises it's locked. She doesn't look at him as he places his hand on the windows, she can't look at him...

'Go please.' She croaks to the driver who simply nods and begins to drive away.

She can see him following the car. He calls out her name just the once before the driver speeds up and then he stops.

She sobs into her hands when she realises he was no longer following her. She couldn't help but to turn back and have a last look at him.

She cries even more as she watches his figure become further and further away until she couldn't see him any longer.

* * *

He didn't know how long he had remained staring down the drive. He knew he was cold; he was shivering to the bone. But he couldn't seem to peel his eyes from the gates in the far distance.

The fact that she hadn't looked at him when he called out to her took the last remaining strength he had. He was emotionally shattered, a broken man and he felt nothing but a dull numbness. .

A part of him hoped she would tell the driver to turn around and come running back into his arms. But that still had yet to happen.

He thought he had heard voices behind him calling his name...but he didn't acknowledge them. He needed her and only her.

When the sky began to darken and he couldn't take the cold any longer he reluctantly turned himself away and walked around the house towards the fountain.

He stopped and looked up at the huge structure. It still hadn't been turned on for the night giving it a lifeless feel.

He looked down into the water and shook his head sadly as he took in the lifeless body of a beautiful golden Koi floating dead on the surface.

He knew it had been his fault...everything that had happened today has been his fault and already someone had lost their life because of his failure to control himself.

He let out a shaky breath as he scooped up the lifeless fish in his hand. 'I'm sorry' he whispered sadly to it stroking its silky body with his finger. 'I've failed you.'


	48. Chapter 48

**The aftermath of Lily's departure...it all goes a little crazy...** **Please leave comments if you would be so kind, they're always accepted and read with a grateful heart!** **Much love to you my readers. You are truly wonderful .X**

* * *

'L! There you are, I have been pestering the entire household asking about your whereabouts.' Watari exclaimed as he pushed back some overgrown branches from his path as he walked further into the Koi garden.

He walked to stand beside L as he hadn't acknowledged his presence keeping his back turned to him.

As soon as Watari noticed his expression he straightened and grew serious. 'L? What is it?' He scanned his eyes down to his hands and noticed they were full of dirt.

He frowned and focused again on his face. He was staring down at the ground with a blank gaze; Watari didn't like how it made him feel. It reminded him of the way L had looked when he returned from Japan...from the Kira case.

He tried again to reach him, 'L...? Lawliet?' He said quietly.

Watari was taken back a little as L seemed to snap back into reality with a jolt and looks at him. They held each other's glance for a moment before he turned his head back again to stare at the ground.

'My apologies Watari I didn't hear you.' He said back to his usual monotone way of speaking. He sounded distant as if he were in a trance.

'That's alright...what are you doing out here alone? Where is Miss Everly?' He inquired hoping she would make an appearance soon; perhaps she could snap L out of this odd state.

He didn't miss L suddenly tensing up and clenching his fists subtly as he spoke, 'She's not here...she returned to her mother's.' He said, it felt like the sentence was almost painful for him to speak.

Watari raises his eyebrows in surprise, 'Oh...why the sudden departure?' and without saying goodbye he inwardly thought; this all felt so wrong.

L sighed his body deflating. 'There were many reasons...but she has promised to come back and see me before I leave for Germany...until then I'll just have to make do...'

Watari was no fool, this had obviously to do with the fight between L and Kenzo earlier; perhaps the stress of it all was too much for her to bear. But he wouldn't press L for the truth, as he could see how utterly heartbroken he was.

'Well I'll look forward to her return.' He said with a smile. Praying she would return as she had promised...he daren't to think how L would be if she didn't see him off.

L didn't answer, nor did he smile from the thought of her returning of which Watari had hoped he might have; something was terribly wrong. He glanced down at his soiled hands again, 'L...why are your hands so dirty?' He inquired.

L looked down at his hands and studied them for a moment, 'Oh...I didn't have a shovel near...so I used my hands to bury it.' He said almost childlike.

Watari frowned not understanding what he meant, 'Bury? Bury what exactly?'

'One of the Koi was killed; it was my fault not Kenzo's.' He said sadly still studying his hands. 'But I didn't have a shovel and I didn't want to wait to bury it so I came here and used my hands...the soil was soft so it wasn't a problem.' He said in that trance like tone again.

Watari nods, 'well you have picked a beautiful spot.' He said looking around at the bluebells. He didn't mention how close Constance's grave was to where L had chosen to bury the Koi...

'Yes, by this time next year it will be covered with bluebells...' He says quietly looking around.

'Shall we go in then? It's getting cold.' Watari proposes praying he would agree, he could see him physically shivering and his lips were turning blue.

L was silent for a few moments, he dropped his head again, 'I wonder if she has arrived safely, perhaps I should call her...' he whispered almost.

Watari knew that probably wasn't the best thing L could do in this moment, he was still obviously shocked from her leaving and of course was missing her dreadfully. He slowly places a hand on his shoulder and took note of how cold it felt even through his shirt. 'Yes well let's go in first, have something to eat perhaps?' He suggested gently pulling at his shoulder.

Thankfully L didn't protest and allowed Watari to turn him around and lead him from the garden in silence.

* * *

He didn't want to eat, sleep or talk to anyone. All he wanted was her. How could she do this to him? Just leave him in this way when she knew what he would be without her.

Watari had somehow managed to convince him to have a scone and tea. They were both tasteless and left a bitter aftertaste.

He suddenly felt nauseous and excused himself not giving an explanation to Watari.

He gagged a couple of times as he walked down the corridor. His last gag had him losing his footing and placing his hand onto the wall opposite.

He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly through his nose. He very rarely got sick in fact he couldn't remember the last time...

It must the stress he thought and pushed himself off the wall and carried on drawing towards the computer room.

He sat himself down and tapped the keyboard awakening the computer and monitors before him.

He typed in the password and leant himself back while the computer logged him in. I'm not going to think of her...I won't think of her...he said over and over again.

He had to focus...he had to sort everything out...; she had told him she would only come back to him if he sorted this whole mess out with SHS and then Misa. So what could he do but try everything he was capable of to get some answers, by whatever means necessary.

* * *

Lily hadn't said much to her mother or her grandparents as to why L hadn't come along. Just that he was very busy with work but he wished he could have made it.

Deceiving her mother was difficult; not only for the fact that her mother could usually tell when she was lying but also because she had to pretend nothing was wrong and that her depressed demeanour was due from the journey...not because she had just broken L's heart and what's worse she had witnessed it breaking right before her eyes.

She couldn't shake the image of his eyes which had been flooded with tears as he openly wept in front of her, or the sounds of his desperate pleas right before she left.

She had never been through anything so difficult in her all her life and she doubted she ever would again. She felt like a cold and heartless monster. How could she just abandon him when he was in such a state...? She just prayed that he would learn how to snap back into L mode. He had lived without her for all this time and could so again...even if it was just temporarily; for in truth she couldn't wait to go back to him.

Even though she felt utterly wretched and exhausted, the sight of her grandfather looking well and smiling levitated some of her sorrow.

She hadn't imagined she would've been able to stay down and speak with them for so long. But everyone one in the house was happy and the sounds of their familiar laughs and squabbling had a comforting and nostalgic feeling that Lily hadn't felt in weeks.

Without L Wammy's seemed cold and desolate even with the amount of children it held there, but Lily hardly saw them as they were usually studying or in their rooms.

L to her brought so much warmth as did Watari, she saw them as part of her family now and couldn't wait until all this was done and over with so she could introduce L finally as her boyfriend to her whole family. She smiled a little, picturing how L would be. She gathered he would be polite but shy and awkward as he usually was. But she knew that in time her family would and love accept him just as she had.

Excusing herself from the table feeling she had finally reached her limit to the amount of fake smiling she could do, she retreated back to her room.

She stood and leant against her bedroom door taking in her old room again.

There was so much colour and clutter everywhere. It seemed small...so small now compared to her ridiculously huge bedroom at Wammy's.

It was home but it felt almost strange and just reminded her of what she had left behind.

She walked a few steps and collapsed onto her bed. She hadn't any more tears to cry but she wanted to...she had some much sobbing left to do.

The anxiety was rising, she could feel it. When her thoughts suddenly turned dark she sat up rubbing her chest.

What if L forgot her? What if he saw this abandonment as their relationship being over? What if he realised he was better off without her? And everything that Mello, Suri and her own mind said were true...what if he saw her as nothing more but a passing distraction?

He had gotten what he wanted perhaps...to lose his virginity and now that was out of his system he would move on; maybe find someone else?

'Ergh shut up!' She yelled at herself smacking her hands against her head.

She knew from her training that a person's mind could be their worst enemy. When people allowed fear to creep in they were giving the mind permission to allow that fear to manifest into different tangents including anxiety and jealously.

She was fully aware with what her mind was doing but then why couldn't she treat herself? How could she not control her own emotions to trust in L and to trust that this was the best thing for him...for the moment.

Maybe because it wasn't for best thing for her; it was torture! She almost laughed and she lied back down again on her back. She had only been home a few hours and already she had lost the will to live without him.

She looked down at the floor and saw her bag had fallen to its side revealing both of her phones...of course her eyes only focused onto the one with the Koi charm hanging from it.

* * *

'Listen to me Matsuda I don't care what you have to do but you must make this happen. He must be detained and moved to a secure location so we can go ahead with trying to extract more information from him.' L ordered using an authoritative tone, which he usually used when wanting things done quickly.

'I won't be involved with another torture scene L! I could hardly bear it when you did it to...'

'Don't!' L yelled cutting Matsuda off. He cleared his throat as the agent fell silent on the other line; he attempted to speak calmly again, 'Don't say their names Matsuda, this is a different and dare I say more urgent situation. We know SHS is guilty and once more...he is working with someone else, someone who knows me, and is aware of Wammy's location.

He heard Matsuda audibly gasp, 'How do you know?'

'SHS more or less confessed to me already. Knowing there is more of a good chance of him being found guilty, he believes his job is done and whoever is working for him will finish off the job. I have to know who that is and I must use whatever means possible. This is a dire situation and it involves not only me but everyone who lives at Wammy's and Lily...' He bit his lip so hard it was painful, just saying her name aloud to someone else had his entire body tensing with the emptiness of her loss.

He recalled her saying something about returning to him; that this was just temporary but it was all a blur. What if she didn't come back? What if she realised that without her involvement with him and Wammy's she could be free of danger and could hope to live a normal and happy life.

He kept questioning if he could really make her happy? With everything he does and stands for...could she really be happy being the partner to the likes of him?

He already found he was only able to spare little to no time to himself let alone anyone else. Not only was he L but his other aliases known as the detectives Eraldo Coil and Deneuve kept him busy as well. However if Lily returned to him and if he managed to survive this encounter with Misa and SHS's mysterious accomplice he would make time for her...perhaps he would think about retiring one of the detectives just so he could make more time for them and their future together. He would make it so for her, he would do anything.

'Are you with me Matsuda?' He asked finally to his friend who had gone quiet on the other end.

A few moments pass before Matsuda answers, 'Alright L I'll help you but this will be the last time I will allow myself to be involved with...torture. Just know I am not happy about it.' He moaned.

L shook his head almost smiling, 'I think that you have made your point crystal clear.' He said as gently as he could, 'I am very grateful Matsuda, thank you.' He said lastly before cutting the line.

He held his head in his hands and shook it, the dizziness was getting worse. He began to pant a little feeling a little anxious, he really didn't feel well. But he had to continue, he had to arrange SHS's relocation and quickly.

He reached for his coffee but decided last minute to have a drink of water which he always found difficult. He could only ever drink it if it was ice cold. But thankfully Watari had brought him some a few minutes before he had rung Matsuda.

He gulped half of it down feeling a little refreshed. Maybe he was just dehydrated? He thought.

He began emailing his other sources to set up SHS's detainment. His vision began to blur again but he shook it off. At least he wasn't hearing voices. He would rather the blurred vision than to hear those cackles again especially with this feeling of loss.

He stopped typing mid sentence as his mind took him back to the car and his and Lily's desperate and mind blowing love making.

His heart began hammering in his chest, he rubbed it slightly; it always seemed to ache when he thought of her. Even though it caused his body to react and cause him discomfort he continues replaying the scene over and over again.

He remembered her body and the way it moved against him, her delicious weight pinning him down to his seat as he clung to her body desperately.

They had both been crying; her whimpers and moans had aroused him as well as broke his heart. He hadn't noticed it before but from her expression, kisses and tears he realised she had already decided to leave him.

It was her way of showing him she loved him but also that she would be leaving him, it was a goodbye done in the most passionate way. But he hadn't wanted it to end.

He had been so sorry for what he said to her, his heart bleed with the guilt of his words. But she forgave him. Even though he had caused her to raise a hand to him, she forgave him instantly.

He knew he hadn't deserved such a swift forgiveness but of course he took it. He was greedy and selfish when it came to her and would always accept her love no matter how she chooses to give it.

He froze, the thought of her had completely taken him off track and in that moment he had completely forgotten what he was doing. She was all he could think of...he wanted his Lily back.

He had only slightly caught the sound of the door opening before a voice spoke to him from behind. He tensed suddenly as he realised who it was.

'Why are you here Suri?' He asked darkly not bothering to turn and face her.

'I have come to get my things.' She said quietly.

He sighed as he heard her shut the door enclosing them both in. He kept still as she proceeded to walk towards him and sit beside him. He didn't look her way. He knew the sight of her would disgust and anger him.

'I have come to collect my things and to collect Mello...we are going back to the temple...together.' She said shame lancing her voice.

He raised his brows slightly and dropped them, 'I can't say I am not surprised, you two deserve each other.' He said cuttingly.

She sighed sadly, 'we have a lot to make up for...you were right about that. I can't tell you how sorry I am...for everything.'

He almost chuckled, this woman was delusional. 'Although your apology sounds genuine I don't believe a word of it. Now if there is nothing else I'd like for you to leave.' He said trying with all his might not to scream in her face and physically shove her out of the room himself.

She released a shuddering sigh, 'You don't have to be so cruel L, I know what I did was wrong but it was only because I love you so much.'

'Love?' He said the word leaving him in a rush. He stared at her with disbelief, 'I don't think you know what that word means. I know because I was clueless about it too...until Lily.' He turns his head back to the monitor.

His eyes glance down at her clenched fists; any moment now he thought but he didn't care, he was looking for an excuse to throw her out himself. He continued, 'you don't love me Suri...it's just an infatuation nothing more, nothing less.' He said as he began typing again.

He sighed heavily as her weeping filled up the silence in the room. This is what not what he needed right now.

He turned to face her again with the intent of dismissing her for good when suddenly he froze. He was literally frozen in place. His eyesight began to blur again. He dropped his legs suddenly from his squatting position and clenched at his jeans.

Everything in the room had begun to swirl and morph including Suri...her face...he could see her looking at him with concern...he wanted to yell out, but he couldn't. He was in some sort of trance but he felt paralysed to just sit and watch what was happening before him.

'L?' He heard Suri ask. 'L? What's the matter?'

He closed his eyes, her voice suddenly distant even though she was sitting right in front of him.

'L?' she said again but this time it sounded different, it didn't sound as harsh...

'L?' Open your eyes.' Her voice...it wasn't Suri's voice it was...

He opens his eyes and jolts back. He blinked them slowly to make sure they were focusing right. But there she was, his Lily...although it was blurry he could see it was her.

'Oh...God...' He managed to croak out.

She felt her hand on his cheek, he leant into it; he had never felt this happy as his Lily was by his side again.

He managed to smile and lift his hand stiffly to cover hers. And then suddenly she was on him, smashing her lips against his while climbing onto his lap, straddling him.

She was rougher than she usually was but he didn't care, he was desperate for her and she could do with him what she will. He managed to clasp onto her. She moaned loudly as she pushed her tongue into his mouth, he allowed it of course; he loved the way she kissed him.

But something felt off...her kisses felt off...and her hands...they didn't usually feel this way, even when he felt one of them slide down and begin rubbing him there...it didn't feel right...he didn't feel her love for him. He felt he was being used...something he had never felt before...she had never caused him to feel this way.

Then the cackling in the back of his mind began, it grew and grew the more she kissed him...he began to struggle against her, he didn't like this, he had to get her off, this wasn't his Lily. He knew her lips, he knew that way she kissed him with such love and care and passion. This felt all wrong, it wasn't Lily. He finally channelled enough strength to push her away so she would at least stop kissing him.

He pushed her back even more and looked on in horror as Lily's beautiful face had morphed back into Suri's.

Not knowing what to do he acted on impulse and pushed her off his lap while pushing his chair back away from her in shock.

His eyes began to focus again clearly as she yelled out and landed on the floor with a thud.

He shot up to his feet wiping his mouth roughly with his sleeve. He had been kissing Suri! He felt a wave of nausea hit him...how could he betray Lily this way?

'What the hell!' She said climbing to her feet quickly. She looked at him with hungry eyes. 'L that kiss...; I knew you felt something for me too, I've never been kissed like that, I want more, I want you so don't be shy.' She said stalking towards him with a pining in her eyes that could only be described as manic.

'No!' He said flinging a hand out stopping her in her tracks. 'I don't want you...I thought it was Lily...I was thought I was kissing Lily...I would never kiss you.' He said grappling with his own sense of mind and clarity.

She ignores him and continues perusing him, 'The way your tongue moved...oh fuck L, I always knew you were hiding that kind of passion inside you and now that I've tasted it...I want more...I know you want more too.' Her smile almost resembled that of a demon but this was Suri, desperate and her focus was on him and him alone...he suddenly felt a wave of terror hit him.

'No Suri, I love and will _only_ love Lily, I don't love you, I never have and never will. Now please just go otherwise I will have to become physical.' He threatened.

Suri giggled a ridiculous girlish laugh, 'I want you to get physical.' She winked at him.

L had had enough and grabbed her suddenly pushing her towards the door. She began to struggle but surprising even himself he managed to open the door and push her out of the room with little effort. He stood facing her blocking the door way with an arm against the side so she couldn't come back in.

'You kissed me back L! I'm not an idiot I know what I felt!' She yelled out causing some of the children to look their way as they walked past them.

'You're not hearing me I thought you were Lily, I only saw Lily!' He yelled back finally losing him temper with her.

'What the fuck L! Why are you screaming at her?' Mello demanded as he walked towards them.

L groaned and looked up to the ceiling, he felt like throwing himself out of a window. 'Mello I've never been more pleased to see you; now please escort Suri from the premises, you are well aware she is not to be allowed back into Wammy's or any other of our establishments.' He said sternly looking at him.

Mello goes to argue but L interjects before he gets the chance, 'If Watari finds out all hell will break lose as he is now aware of your history together which includes the part you played in Constance's death.' He said coldly staring at the yellow haired teen daring him to argue with him.

Mello swallowed, guilt was written all of over his face. He slowly places his hands on top of Suri's shoulders, 'Fine, we're going but I want to know why you were yelling at each other.'

'He kissed me!' Suri yelled as she pointed her finger towards him.

L looked around and found a crowd had gathered around them. He hated this; this all just reminded him of the crowds Constance and Mello used to attract.

'How dim are you? I thought you were Lily.' He said calmly but he was seething underneath. He just wanted her gone; he wanted both of them gone.

'And how _dim_ do you think I am to believe that!' She screamed.

L snapped his heads up, ready to scream back but everything halted when another bellowing voice was suddenly heard.

'That is ENOUGH!' Watari hollered; his voice seemed to echo through the house.

Everyone shut their mouths at that moment and sheepishly glanced towards a furious looking Watari walking towards them. If looks could kill, they would all be dead.

Even some of the kids who were watching scampered away as no one had ever heard Watari yell so loud before not even L himself.


	49. Chapter 49

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* * *

'I will not tolerate this kind of behaviour from any of you.' Watari said looking at them each in the eye.

'This is my home, your home.' He said only looking at L and Mello. 'And you will treat it as such. It's not a place for you to display your personal problems and feuds for all to see and hear.'

They all looked down as if they were young children, as being scolded by Watari was a rare occurrence.

Watari cleared his throat and somewhat calmed himself. He stepped towards Mello, 'I know about the situation that happened with Constance and I am utterly broken by it. You have disappointed me Mello, more than I could have ever imagined.'

Mello looked utterly devastated and bent his head down... 'I'm sorry Watari...I never meant to...' He couldn't finish his sentence.

'You have much to repent for and I believe going back to the temple will help you heal...in time' Watari patted him on the shoulder tenderly.

Mello nodded quickly still hiding his face in shame.

Watari then glanced over to Suri and his expression fell, 'I like to consider myself a reasonable and forgiving man...' He began.

Suri looked at him with hopeful eyes.

'However, considering the damage you have caused to this house and its residents I find I cannot bring myself to forgive you Suri. You have betrayed my trust and abused my home. Not only that you have a part to lay in the most tragic event that has ever occurred at Wammy's and we are all still mourning from it.' He looks again at all of them who all bow their heads. 'I believe we are all to blame in some way, even I for not monitoring Constance more closely, but this is not about me and my own guilt. This is about bringing peace back into this home and I'm sorry Suri but that no longer includes you.'

'But...Watari...' She began, crying yet again.

'Please allow me to finish. I believe you and Mello have grown...accustomed each other so I will not banish you from the temple even though it is what you deserve. But I realise how healing the temple can be and I hope you will find peace there one day. I do not want you there when I send the children to train. You may only be there when we are not...do I make myself clear?' He asks ask folding his arms in front of him.

She goes to argue with him but then looks at him in the eyes and realises how serious he is. She glances to Mello who looks at her through his bangs. Never giving how he was feeling away.

She nods quickly. 'Thank you for your kindness Watari.' She says quietly.

He nods then looks towards L who was looking drained and pale. He decides not to speak to him in front of Mello and Suri and focuses his attention on them again.

'When you return Mello we have more to speak about and I hope in time you will finally open up to me and tell me everything that went on with you and Constance.'

Mello nodded again keeping his eyes to the floor. 'I will.' He said quietly.

Watari nods, 'Very well you may leave, have a safe journey and contact me when you have arrived safely.' He said more to Mello than Suri.

They both nod and bow a little as they walk off together hand in hand.

L shakes his head still angry at the two of them. But he was relieved they were finally leaving. He sighs and leans back against the door frame.

'Don't think you are above a scolding...I just want to make sure you have enough energy to receive it.' Watari says quietly to him.

L ran his hand through his hair, 'no one is above you Watari...you don't need to tell me.'

'Indeed.' Watari says as he studies him.

L begins to turn on his heel to go back into the computer room when Suri's voice halts him.

'He did kiss me though!' Suri suddenly shouts from down the corridor causing Mello to frown and put his arm around her hauling her away. They could see he was whispering something to her. L could have sworn he made out the words 'What's wrong with you?'

L knows Watari is already looking at him before he even makes eye contact with his guardian.

'I don't know what happened so please don't ask I have no words of how to explain.' He said re-entering the room.

Watari followed him, 'Well you better find the words to explain L. If it's true then I must know why and just how you could do that to Miss Everly.'

L twirled around horrified at Watari's accusation, 'I didn't! I never meant to kiss her! I don't know what happened but it wasn't her, it wasn't Suri who I saw, it was Lily. She felt as real as this moment. I not only saw her face but I heard her voice.' He said knowing he must have sounded insane. He slumped himself back into his chair. 'I am so confused. I don't know my own mind any more; I am seeing and hearing things and the voices...' He said rubbing his temples.

'Voices?' Watari inquired as he stood next to him.

'I hear him speak to me sometimes and recently it has got so much worse and the laughter...it won't stop.' He says through gritted teeth.

'Oh my boy, look at the state you are in...have you told Miss Everly?'

'She knows about my vision and night terrors but I don't think I have told her about the laughter...I can't remember.' He looks up feeling so lost.

'I see; does it happen when you are with Miss Everly?'

'When she and I first began spending time together they would hardly make an appearance. Neither the visions nor the voices. Only the night terrors. However recently...during that ordeal with Kenzo...' He scratched his head awkwardly. 'I heard it then and it was goading me on, it wanted me to hurt him.'

'L...you are not losing your mind.' Watari said calmly.

L frowned and looked up at him a little confused by his words, 'Why did you say that?'

'Because I know you and I know you believe this is all in your mind, but it's not...as I have seen it too. Perhaps not as often as you and it has never spoken to me but I have seen its dark presence around the house sometimes. Eve has also; she pointed it out to me as it was following you and Miss Everly around the grounds. I know its real L.' He said nodding. However his calm expression seemed to be almost hiding another...; it was fear. L could tell his guardian was just as afraid as was he.

'It's alright Watari we will beat this...I have already contacted Matsuda to round up some agents and detain SHS for...questioning.' He says almost slyly.

'Oh L...you aren't going to...' Watari begins with a sigh.

'It's the only choice I have.' He says allowing his fraustration to show. 'I hardly believe you are one to care about that monster's welfare?' L asked as he looked back to his guardian and cocked an eyebrow.

'No of course not, but this will only end in the police warranting your arrest...again...it's just such an unethical way to carry out things.' He said shaking his head.

'Everything about that man is unethical and if I don't do this everyone will remain in danger and I can't have that, I can't have anyone's lives in danger Watari...you should know I will do everything in my power to make this all stop.' He tucked up his legs against him again, hugging them towards him.

He sighed and rested his head on his knees... 'I miss her so much Watari...I can barely function without her.'

Watari patted his back and gave it a reassuring rub, 'She will be back my boy. She loves you.'

L's arms began shaking as did his back. 'I've never known pain like t-this.' He says softly. 'She has not long left but I can't bear to be without her.' He allows a small cry to escape his lips and then buried his head into his knees again.

Watari keeps rubbing his back hoping he was at least comforting him. He continues listening.

'I felt elated when I thought Lily had come back to me. Just seeing what I thought was her face...I can't describe to you the relief and warmth I felt running through me.' He smiled to himself thinking of her face alone.

'I know what she has done she thought was for the right reasons, there isn't a cruel bone in her body. I believe she misses me as well, at least I hope she does...; I just wish she would show me, help me get through these last few days without her.'

He raises his head and wipes his face from tears, 'I don't know what I'll do Watari if she doesn't come to see me before I go...; how can I go?' He sniffles.

Watari smiles sadly and hands him a tissue as he was used to carrying them around in a house full of clumsy yet genius children.

L nods in gratitude ad he takes it and wipes his nose.

'You are L...and I realise that you're not feeling like yourself and I hate to say it my boy but you may never feel the same again.'

L looks at him, 'because of Lily?'

Watari nods, 'you have been through so much but finding Miss Everly and falling in love has changed you...for the better I might add.'

'How so?' He blows his nose quietly.

'You smile and cry more but that is to be expected when dealing with love. It's always full of ups and downs. But I believe she had changed you and released the Lawliet that has been lying dormant within you for all this time. It's no wonder you're finding it difficult to control these emotions. Missing someone who you love and who has only just fallen in love with will play havoc on anyone's mental state. I imagine it feels like torture?'

L nods, 'As I said, I've never known a pain quite like it and I've had my fair share.'

'Then why not help yourself alleviate this pain and call her? Why are you waiting for her to call you?'

He glanced to his phone on lying on the desk in front of him; she had gone and obviously didn't want to see him but did that mean severing all contact?

He bit his thumb in thought; he wanted to hear her voice; he so was tempted; all he had to do was to pick up the phone...

He jumped as his phone began to suddenly vibrate. He snatched it up quickly and looked at the screen. He stared at it for a few moments before slowly answering, 'Yes Matsuda...' He said, his voice laced with disappointment.

Watari watched him silently as he listened to what Matsuda had to say.

'I see, well then I shall set everything up from my end and will call you when it's time...for now just allow the agents to do their jobs...they know what must be done, do not interfere but always stay close by in case they need to contact me through you...' L said, his authoritative tone coming through.

L began tapping his fingers a little agitated as Matsuda whined into his ear of how all this was wrong and he couldn't bear to listen to anyone scream out in pain...even if it was a criminal like SHS.

'Matsuda.' L said sternly quieting down his friend again. 'He is a kidnapper, rapist and murderer. What we have in store for him doesn't even come close to what he truly deserves however this is all necessary and I need you to be strong. I've seen that strength first hand, so find it again.' He demanded.

Watari shook his head; he knew L would always push people to their limit especially when he had a certain goal in mind. And even though L had began to sound like his old self he didn't like the manic look in his eyes, he didn't seem to be in control of himself at all so how would he be able to control the situation at hand?

'Matsuda just inform the agents who are not in the room with SHS to begin setting up the cameras and speakers. They will know what to do and then just wait for my call. DO you understand?'

After a few moments he hung up the phone and placed it back onto his desk.

He sat forward and began fiddling with his computer. Watari kept quiet as he watched him lean over and start up another laptop. He knew there would be no sleep for L tonight.

Watari cleared his throat, 'So haven't you the time to contact Miss Everly?' He asked still curious to know where L's state of mind was at now.

L didn't turn around as he answered him, 'There are more pressing matters now.' He said quickly sounding like himself again only...his voice was tense and somehow the room had turned cold.

Watari shivered a little finding it odd how the rooms' temperature could drop so dramatically considering the amount of computers and monitors L had powered up.

'Would you like me to make my way down to the holding area? I assume it's at the same location used before?' He asked standing up from his seat.

'That won't be necessary, this won't take long. I have already instructed the agents not to hold back and begin their interrogation as soon as SHS is restrained and prepped.'

'But didn't you just tell Matsuda to wait for your call before starting?' Watari asked concerned.

'Matsuda has grown since the Kira case and taking down Light has changed him...however he is still over emotional; this is his fatal flaw when dealing with these situations. I had no choice but to ask for his aid because we have worked together before and I know he would work with me again even if he isn't comfortable with the situation. He is valuable and has remained in contact with the other members of the task force; so sometimes I have to keep things from him...for his own good'

'The task force? Are you thinking of bringing them into this as well?' Watari asked a little surprised.

'No..., but it's convenient to have back up with people that have worked with me before...I don't have time to earn others trust and I frankly don't care too.'

Watari raised his eye brows but it didn't surprise him, L was never the one to seek out friends...the only person he had ever chased was Miss Everly...

L's phone began vibrating again and he picked it up quickly, Watari could hear Matsuda's frantic voice on the end.

' _L the agents just shoved me out of the room and then all I heard was SHS screaming! I thought you said to wait for your call before they started anything?'_

'I instructed you to wait for my call however I also said the agents know what to do, this is all necessary Matsuda, please calm down, just step aside and allow the agents to do their job.'

 _'_ _I wasn't even prepared! How long will this go on for? Why haven't you called in? He hasn't stopped screaming...surely it's been long enough...'_

'It's only just begun and regarding how long this will take...well that is entirely down to SHS.' L said searching the desk for another lolly without looking down. After a few misses he found one.

 _'_ _I can't stand this noise, I'm going to stand outside for a while...'_ Matsuda said quietly.

'No need Matsuda.' L said keeping his lolly held into on cheek of his mouth. 'The agents have just informed me he is ready to talk.'

'That was fast...what did you have the agents do?' Watari asked.

L twirled his lolly side to side in his mouth, 'fingernails he said casually.'

Watari visibly swallowed, 'that will do it.'

 _'_ _L? Are you ready to talk with him?'_ Matsuda asked begrudgingly.

'Yes.'

His monitors' flick for a few moments before the image of a blindfolded SHS strapped down onto a metal chair, bloody pouring from both his hands and mouth came into view.

'Good god.' Watari murmured; he hadn't seen such a ghastly scene since the Kira case. One could really ever grow accustomed to such a sight.

L pressed down the button to conceal his voice as he began to speak to SHS, 'Good evening Cedric Cromer aka SHS. I have been informed you are willing to cooperate.' L said casually still suckling on his lolly.

Watari couldn't help but notice how dark L's eyes had turned, as if he were enjoying this. It was almost like the emotional and heartbroken man he had been speaking too just minutes earlier had been replaced by this cold one before him.

Watari knew SHS deserved everything he got but he never once seen L actually enjoying others going through torture; he found himself feeling a little unnerved by it. But he understood how much stress L was under...and with Lily gone...he wasn't too surprised by this behaviour. Or at least he wouldn't allow himself to feel so.

SHS hissed from pain as he shuffled in his seat, 'this is another low blow for you...you must be getting desperate. However I am happy to be the one to tell you that your actions are futile. I have done what I had to do...'

'Yes you have mentioned this before however you still have all your toenails left and your teeth; this will last as long as you want it to, just tell me who you are working for.' L said leaning forward a little.

SHS lets out a pained cackle, 'I won't tell you shit.' He gruffed.

Without another thought L pressed the button to speak again, 'Go for his teeth...leave the toes for last.' He said and leant back as the screen watching SHS struggle against his restraints as he begins to panic. 'You'll get what's coming to you L!' He screamed just before the monitors blacked out.

L's phone began to ring again, 'Yes? Yes please continue, it wasn't a threat, make him talk. Contact me again when he breaks.' He hung up quickly and began to unwrap another lolly.

Watari knew this coldness was necessary to get these kinds of jobs done...but usually L had some reserve about putting anyone through torture...He just seemed too calm and disconnected from it all.

'What if he doesn't speak?' Watari asked.

'He will.' L answered placing his feet into his desk and rocking his chair back and forth.

'He has already made it clear he has nothing left to live for...that he had completed his task whatever it is. He doesn't have anything left to lose.' Watari continued.

'Everyone has a breaking point Watari even SHS.' L said darkly.

Watari felt it was a hopeless situation but he knew L wouldn't give up. He knew from his demeanour alone that he would cut off pieces of SHS if he had to...anything to get a confession.

He hadn't been this way for years. It reminded him back when L had first begun as a detective. He was ruthless and robotic almost. He tortured many, sometimes to the extreme and he never once seemed to care. But as the years wore on L had began to become more in touch with his humanity.

The guilt he carried for the death of Constance had began to change him, then the Kira case changed him further but it also broke him and left him desolate.

It was Miss Everly who brought him back to the land of the living and he knew L would never use such extremities if she were present. But then again SHS deserved this, he did. L needed to use his power of authority to find the answers he needed. It's just Watari could see the ruthless L coming back...and if he was perfectly honest with himself...he had been happy that side had taken somewhat of a back seat recently. He hadn't looked forward for its return.

L's phone rang again, 'Yes?'

Watari could hear Matsuda speaking again, ' _L he is begging us to stop, I think he's gonna talk!'_ Matsuda said frantically.

'Good, give me a visual again.' L said as he hung up the phone.

SHS was panting now, he head hanging down.

L casually pressed the button again to speak, 'Are you ready to speak?' He sounded almost condescending.

'You.' SHS drooled as he began to speak, blood poured out from his mouth.

L had to shake his head quickly. The scene reminded him too much of his night terrors. He could feel his chest start to tighten suddenly. He took a moment to compose himself.

'You have lost this one L...you have too many enemies and this one in particular...hates you.'

L rolled his eyes; that wasn't news to him. 'I thought you begged us to stop, we will just continue if you're not willing to cooperate.' He said coldly, he had had enough of these games. This will end tonight one way or another.

SHS's silence grated on L and he began to lose what little composure he had left. 'Fine, please continue with the interrogation.' He ordered.

SHS's head snapped up then, he began to struggle against his restraints as he listened to the approaching footsteps.

'No, no!' He screamed as the monitors feed again disconnected.

'He would have spoken if you had kept him talking...' Watari said feeling very uncomfortable with the whole situation.

'I have already given him enough time to cooperate; he has brought this upon himself.' He said almost cuttingly.

He felt strange, he didn't know why but his mind was quiet...the laughter was gone...but he could feel something around him, something heavy weighing on his back...but he knew he had to keep going, he had to make him talk.

'He has put others through so much worse...he deserves no mercy.' He said coldly biting down onto his lolly.


	50. Chapter 50

**Here we are again!**  
 **Things have gone from bad to worse but now I believe L might be putting somethings together...although he is still broken hearted and there is only one person that can bring him true peace.** **Thank you for reading! I do hope you're enjoying it still!** **And as I always say please show me some love with some comments! hehe ;)**

* * *

Lily awoke slightly panicking at her unfamiliar surroundings. However it only lasted a second as she shook and looked around her old room; you're ridiculous she mentally mocked.

She missed the feeling of waking up at Wammy's; the huge bright room was always such a marvellous sight as were the high ceilings, it made her feel so free in the open space they created.

But what she had loved most was finding the raven head of hair splayed out on the pillow beside her. It didn't happen often, but that's what made it all the more special she thought.

Every time she had awakened before him she would simply watch him sleep. She remembered giggling to herself because she felt a little creepy as she stared at him with him totally unaware. But it had always been worth it as watching a sleeping L was rare even for her.

One of her favourite mornings had been when he had been laying on his stomach and clutching at his pillow. She had awoken to his almost angelic face as he slept deeply without a care in the world. She remembered the steady sounds of his breath coming from his lips. She recalled how some of his hair had fallen concealing some of his perfect features but thankfully not all of them. He was so still when he slept, sometimes she would lightly touch his back to make sure he was breathing as she had done plenty of times before.

She loved seeing him this way, relaxed and comfortable. She couldn't help herself thinking how amazing it was that he was comfortable enough to sleep with her now. She felt honoured in a way.

She pulled her pillow to her and held it close to her chest as she remembered the smile he made when he finally awoke and looked at her. It made her heart melt every time.

Remembering how adorable he looked as he rubbed his eyes mimicking that of a child had her smiling to herself. Sometimes he would reach out to her and stroke her face without having to say anything. His eyes would do all the talking and sometimes she found herself blushing at their intense expression of love. He never held back these intense looks and she was happy for it but it overwhelmed her sometimes. And every time she looked away he would shuffle over closer to her and kiss her.

His kiss would always soothe her and calm her. Soon they would be all over each other but something had always interrupted them...she would like to experience morning sex one of these days.

She giggled to herself but found her heart aching from these memories. She couldn't believe she had left him like that, but she truly felt it was the best thing she could have done in that situation.

They hadn't spoken or been in contact since she'd left. She had no right feeling hurt because he hadn't contacted her was she who had left him...however she found his silence a little bit odd but also a little worrying. What if he never forgave her for her abandonment? Was he even angry with her?

She swallowed feeling the guilt rising in her chest. The way he had looked and begged her to stay. She never thought she would have found the strength to walk away from him, she didn't want to, but she did and perhaps...she had made mistake? Or are these thoughts surfacing now because she hadn't heard from him?

She pulls her duvet off and goes to pick up the Koi phone from the floor and brought it back into bed with her.

Enough of these torturous thoughts, she wouldn't find the answer unless she asked him herself.

She took to a moment to mentally prepare herself...she felt so scared.

Come on Lily, just make the call you can do this. He loves you, you love him. Expect him to be angry, expect him to be distant...it's only natural he may think this way. But make him understand that it was for the best and that you will see him soon. She said to herself nodding her head as if she was goading herself on.

She pressed the quick dial button for his number and waited for him to answer. Her heart was hammering so loudly in her chest she had to press a pillow up against it so it didn't distract her.

Her eyes widened as she heard the phone being answered. No one said anything which she found odd. She could only hear a faint shuffling.

'Hello?' She said quietly.

She could hear voices but it sounded off, it didn't sound like him but it was hard to tell as it was all muffled.

'Hello? L? Are you there?' She said a little louder now; she couldn't help the concern in her voice.

'Hello Miss Everly, its Watari.'

Her eyes opened a little in surprise, 'Oh Hello Watari.' She smiled feeling relieved to at least hear his pleasant voice. 'How are you?' She asked sweetly as she found she was missing him too.

'I'm well dear thank you; we have been very busy since you have left dealing with SHS.'

'Ah so I imagine that's why he couldn't come to the phone?' She said picturing him sitting there in front of his monitors in his usual position.

'Yes he has been non-stop, back to his ways.'

She nodded, so her leaving had worked after all. He was finally able to concentrate enough to get back to doing what he did best.

She sighed feeling a little relieved she had done the right thing but also she felt an ache in her chest. As this all confirmed that she was a distraction to him...and this had her feeling lost.

What did this mean for their future? If she was such a distraction to him then how could they be together? Perhaps they could be together but just not able to live with each other...that thought had her mind immediately screaming NO.

She smiled hoping it would cause her voice to sound pleasant and happy, 'I understand Watari...' Her voice dropped a little, she couldn't help it, she was worried about him, 'How is he? Has he slept at all? Is he eating?' She said fiddling with the Koi charm between her fingers.

'You know how he is Miss Everly...when his mind is preoccupied sleep is just a waste of time. And if you want to call devouring cakes, biscuits and sweets eating then...I suppose he has.'

Lily chuckled lightly, 'well at least it's something I suppose. But it's been two days now, I wish he would sleep.' She said wishing she could speak to him herself.

'I believe he may tonight if I tell him you have instructed him too...he may listen then.'

And...he may not Lily thought; she didn't know how he felt about her at present. If he was angry he would never listen to her.

'Perhaps it's best coming from you Watari as I have no right to...' She couldn't finish her sentence. She felt so guilty.

'Miss Everly, are you alright? He didn't go into many details of why you left so suddenly, I hope it's not because of any ill feelings between the two of you.'

She spoke quickly, 'No, no of course not. You know how I feel about him Watari...that hasn't changed; in fact it grows stronger every day. I just...wanted to give him some space. To allow him to concentrate on what's more important for now and that is to bring down SHS.'

'I see; I can't imagine that was easy for you my dear.' He said softly.

She inhaled quickly, 'No..., it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. But I believe it will all be worth it in the end. Besides I am coming back in a couple of days to see him before he goes to Germany. That's why I wanted to speak with him as I wasn't sure what time I should come.' That wasn't exactly true...because really she just wanted to hear his voice and to see how he was feeling about everything...about her.

'I believe we are leaving in the evening so you may come whatever time you wish, though I imagine he would want you to come as early as possible so you have more time to spend together.'

She nodded feeling a little teary; Watari really was such a wonderful and sweet man. 'Yes I would like that also.' She said quietly.

'Very good, I shall let him know I have spoken with you and I'm sure he will find time to contact you when he has the chance.'

'Thank you Watari, it was lovely hearing your voice again too. Please take care of yourself and everyone...especially him.' She said wishing she could have heard his voice.

'I will Miss Everly and I wish the same for you and your family also, please tell your mother I said hello and that we all would love to see her again.'

Lily smiled, 'I will Watari thank you.'

* * *

L glanced back towards the door as Watari re-entered. He had wanted to speak to Lily but he still felt utterly disgusted with himself for what had happened between him and Suri that he couldn't even bring himself to speak to her. Also he was hurt...and feeling like this he feared could cause him to say something he would regret. That's why when he had seen her calling he had frozen. When he got his bearings he had quickly passed the phone to Watari who took it without question. L knew he could always rely on him...even to lie for him.

He glanced back at the monitors at a now passed out SHS. He still hadn't broken but that was of no concern for as soon as he was conscious again the interrogation would continue.

L rocked his chair back and fourth causing it to squeak. It was the only sound in the room.

He cleared his throat hoping Watari would say something.

'If you wish you know how she is you only have to ask.' Watari said not looking away from the monitors.

L popped a handful of sweets in his mouth feeling a little frustrated of how well Watari knew him.

'How is she?' He mumbled acting nonchalant.

'She's well; she is concerned for you...'

'A little too late for that...' He said childishly.

'You know she did what she did for your own sake, she did not want to be in the way while you sorted everything out with SHS.'

'She was never in the way! How many times must I tell her that?' He yelled suddenly. He was so tired of her feeling that way, what more did he have to do? How could he prove it to her? How could she not know how much he needed her now?

From nowhere she waltzed into his life and muddled it up so wonderfully that now he didn't know how to function without her, or to put it another way he didn't know how to go back to the person he was before she came into his life.

In truth he liked who he was when he was with her even if he did sometimes become insanely jealous. But without her...the hole that had been there before came back with a vengeance and nothing and no one else could fill it. In truth she was like a lifeline to him and he was fading without her.

SHS began to stir before L could ask for the phone so he could at least text her.

He leant forward and pressed the button, 'Wake him up fully; use the hose.' He ordered the agents.

Watari leant in beside him to watch the monitors as well. 'Hopefully he will come to his senses finally.' He said quietly.

SHS gurgled and then yelled out as the blast of ice cold water hit his body at full force.

L waited for him to settle down before he spoke, 'Cedric...you realise you have no one to blame for this but yourself...I am giving you yet another chance to speak. Tell me who else you are working with. A name, that's all I need.' He said as he took his finger from the microphone button.

SHS started shivering and blubbering.

'It's happened...he's broken.' L said almost smirking.

They watched the pathetic human sob and then he began screaming at the top of his lungs 'I'm done! I've done as you've wished! Kill me! Kill me! End this now!'

'Who is he speaking too?' Watari asked.

L shook his head and again pressed down the button to speak, 'No one is going to kill you. You will not escape this predicament you're in with death. We know how to keep you alive.'

He pulled roughly at his restraints, 'No! This is the end, I have done what I had to do, it's time, end me please! I'm ready!' He wailed.

'No one is going to end you SHS, you will talk or you will be punished, those are you're only two options.' L said coldly. He would never allow someone like SHS to have such an easy way out, not after everything he has done and would still do given the chance.

'Come on!' He roared 'what you are waiting for!'

L rolled his eyes but before he pressed down the button SHS cried out suddenly in pain.

'Good god, is he having...?' Watari begun.

L leant in and watched as SHS convulsed and then suddenly his head flopped down. He has stopped moving, he was lifeless.

'Get in there now!' He ordered the agents.

Both he and Watari watched intensely as they inspected him. Matsuda suddenly came into focus and looked at the camera. 'He's dead.' He said with a haunted look in his eye.

'This...can't be...he didn't give us anything...' L gritted out still glued to the monitor.

Watari now pressed down the button to speak, 'Get him out of there; I want an immediate autopsy done. We most know the cause of death.'

Matsuda nodded before the monitors cut off again and faded into black.

L just stared into the black screens. 'How...how could he...he just asked for death and he got it. It looked like...'

'Yes, it looked like a heart attack.' Watari finished his sentence for him quietly. 'But we don't know this for sure yet, we will have to wait.'

'He didn't give me anything Watari...everything I have done these past days...all the screaming and blood...it was all for nothing...I am nowhere closer to finding out anything.'

'You did what you had to, he left us no choice.'

L continued speaking still shaken, 'It's as if he knew someone or something was watching him. I believe he was close to talking but he decided to die. Could it be the...?' He didn't want to say it. He looked to Watari pleading with his eyes for his guardian to tell him no. That it couldn't possibly be that again...not again.

Watari didn't say anything but held his stare, neither of them wanted to believe they were dealing with that again. Because as far as they knew Misa Armane was the only one in possession of it...or at least a piece of it. And she couldn't have known where and when to kill him, not all the way from Germany.

They continued to sit in silence as they waited for the autopsies results.

They both jumped as a knock came from the door.

'Yes?' Watari called out politely.

Bertram walked in carrying a tray with cups of tea for the both of them. 'I thought you may want some tea.' He said quietly as he walked in and placed it on the desk in front of them.

'Thank you Bertram.' Watari said as the butler carefully handed it to him.

He then held a cup out to L who hadn't even looked up at him. 'And for sir?' He said holding it closer to him.

L suddenly waved his hand in the air without looking, 'No.' He said rudely. But his hand caught the bottom of the saucer causing the cup to topple out of Bertram's hand.

Bertram gasped and jumped back, 'why you!' He blurted out angrily.

Both L and Watari looked at him now. Watari raises his eyebrows in surprise whereas L just stares at him with cold eyes, he doesn't say a word.

Bertram quickly composes himself and bows apologetically. 'Forgive me sir, I was just startled.' He bends down and picks up the cup and saucer that surprisingly hadn't broken from the floor. As he stands he smiles politely, 'I'll fetch someone to clear this up.' He bows again and quickly walks from the room.

Watari shakes his head and takes a sip of tea, 'Odd, perhaps he is tired.'

L glances down at the spilled tea on the floor; he had never seen the old butler react like that before, especially over spilt tea...

His phone began to ring pulling him from his thoughts. 'Yes Matsuda..., I see..., thank you..., you may come back to Wammy's now if you wish...good work.' He hangs up the phone and sighs loudly. He closes his eyes and leans back on his chair.

'It was a heart attack wasn't it?' Watari asks.

'A simple case of cardiac arrest brought on by stress...' L opens his eyes and turns his head towards Watari... 'According to the mortician...'

* * *

He kept replaying the scene over and over again in his mind. SHS calling out to some unknown force to kill him. He would have rather died than to give out what he knew about whoever else was involved.

Watching that monster die before his eyes gave him no peace. It only brought back everyone he had watched die exactly the same way because of Kira. And now it was happening again but this time he already knew who the killer was.

Since returning to his room he had been replaying everything about this case over and over again.

Sure SHS could have brought on a heart attack from the stress of torture; however that seemed just too convenient.

What were the chances of him dying moments after calling out for death?

He didn't want it believe back when they had just witnessed it but thinking on it again he was almost one hundred percent certain this all had something to do with Misa, and from what Matsuda had told him, she still had a piece of the death note in her possession.

However how this was all possible he knew it was linked to her.

He wanted to leave for Germany now but she had requested to see him on a specific day and knowing how much power she could still hold he had better keep to her wishes.

There was one thing he could do however, something he hadn't yet tried. He could call out to it...to him. He could try and speak with him. That's what he wanted didn't he? He wanted him to acknowledge that he was real, that he was truly there.

L had been running from his fear since he first started seeing it...but he couldn't anymore, if he wanted to save everyone, to save Lily and their future together he would attempt anything.

He took in a breath and shut off the lights flooding his room into darkness. He had purposely left his curtains open to allow some of the setting suns' rays to illuminate his room slightly.

He walked back towards his bed and sat down upon it crossed legged.

He looked around the room and shivered inwardly. 'Alright I'm here and I'm listening. Show yourself.' He spoke up trying to control the tremble in his voice.

He could feel almost immediately the temperature in the room had fallen. He waited patiently for it to show itself.

'Come on, I know this is what you want...I know you're there...Light.' He said darkly. He could even hear the hatred in his own voice.

He waited patiently, tapping his fingers onto his knees. But no shadows appeared, no voices in his head, nothing.

He began to lose his patience, 'So you'll only bother me when I don't want you to...how very like you.' He said gritting his teeth in anger.

He shook his head. It was just like him to keep playing him as the fool. Here he was sitting in the dark calling out to a damned spectre or Shinigami or whatever it was. He was being made to look the fool but he knew this was all real. He knew he had seen him, had felt him. The battle between them had never really ended; it seemed death wasn't the end after all.

He sighed feeling suddenly exhausted. Sometimes in moments like this he thought perhaps taking on the Kira case hadn't been the best thing to do...however his ego wouldn't have had that. He always had to solve the case.

He allowed himself to fall back onto his bed. He felt his back crack in several places as it finally was allowed to stretch from hunching over for almost two days straight.

He didn't feel afraid. For some reason he couldn't feel the entity...he/it wasn't here. He knew though it hadn't all been in his mind; he had seen Light as a Shinigami, there was no doubt. But now, when he wanted the monster to show himself he wouldn't. Perhaps it was because it knew he wasn't scared at this moment. That it only fed from his fear perhaps? But from what he knew of the Shinigami that was not how they worked...but how did he really know about anything to do with all of that? He was only human.

He shook his head; he was so tired of everything being so messed up. He just wanted to live in a normal world again where humans went around killing humans without the help of supernatural beings...

And he wanted Lily.

As soon as she came into his mind he took out his phone from his pocket.

He wanted to hear her voice no he was desperate to hear her. But he just couldn't bring himself to call.

Everything had gone from bad to worse since she had left and he was exhausted from it, and he certainly didn't want to bring her down with him.

Also he still felt guilty about Suri...what was he supposed to do about that? Should he tell her? But what good will that do? It will only hurt her. He never wanted to kiss her...never would he betray Lily for anyone let alone her.

But he knew nothing good came from keeping things from the people you love. What if she heard it from someone else?

Although the only person here who knows is Watari...but then again there was a crowd...so anyone could have overheard.

He rubbed a hand down his face and then looked at her number in his phone. Would she still be awake? What would he say?

He dropped down his hand holding the phone, no, he couldn't call her not now, not after such a difficult day.

All he needed was to sleep and to see what the next day brought...; there was only a day left before he left for Germany...and that's when everything would change, he felt it.

He shuffled up towards his pillows and closed his eyes as soon as he rested his head onto one.

Not a moment later he fell into a deep and peaceful sleep. No night terror, no Shinigami but there was also no Lily.


	51. Chapter 51

**A bittersweet chapter here before things begin to start heating up again! ;)**

 **Thank you for reading as always! X**

* * *

A faint knocking came from his door, 'L? Are you awake?'

He stirred a little but didn't want to open his eyes.

'L? Can I come in? You know it's almost ten in the morning?' Came a sweet voice.

Ten? Could it really be ten? The thought alone had him cracking open his eyes. He quickly closed them as the light from his window burned into his retinas.

He couldn't believe had slept for so long...and he hadn't woken through the night. It was almost unheard of.

He decided he might just stay in bed all day...he has known others to do it, Mello being one of them. So why couldn't he? He had absolutely no motivation whatsoever to do anything today...so what was the point of even getting up?

'L!' Kiki yelled getting impatient. She knocks on the door harder.

'Go away...leave me in peace...I am wallowing...' He yelled out to her.

'No you're not, not today mister.' Kiki said and swung his door open letting herself in.

He groaned into his pillow. This child would be the end of him.

He heard her shut the door...loudly... then felt her sit herself down onto his bed.

'I don't know what happened between you and Miss Lily but I'm sure I can help you get her back because I miss her.'

'From the sound of your tone is seems you are putting the blame onto me.' He says with his head still buried into his pillow.

'Well isn't it? She's not here and you are all depressed so it's got to be your fault.'

He wanted to argue with the child but how could he? She was in part correct but then again it was Lily who left and abandoned him...when he needed her the most.

He never realised until this moment just how much she had hurt him. He knew he was childish but this felt much more than him just sulking about it. He felt she had betrayed his trust. He trusted her with his love and she...took it from him. How can he love her and share what they have together if she isn't here? Has she taken his trust? Could he get it back if that were the case?

'So...I thought being the clever girl that I am I would read you some poems.'

He shook his head, 'Why on earth would you think that would help in the slightest?'

Kiki tuts at him but continues, 'because they are Lord Byron's poems...the greatest love poet of all time.'

'So let me get this clear...I am suffering from what I can only describe as heartbreak and you thought it would benefit me to listen to poems about love which will only remind me of what I do not currently have?'

'Geese L when did you become so pessimistic?' She moans at him.

'I'm surprised you know what that word means.'

'It was our word for the week. Roger challenged us to use in a sentence of which I have just done; you're my witness okay?'

He didn't say anything, instead he threw his covers over his head.

'I know you can still hear me under there!' Kiki yelled at him. 'I'll start then shall I?'

He groaned, what did he do to deserve such torture? Perhaps it was his karma for SHS. He wouldn't be surprised.

Kiki with obvious exaggeration cleared her throat. He could hear the crisp of pages being turned.

'Okay so I thought I'd start with this one as I think it suits your mood.' She giggles to herself. 'It's called "when we two parted."

She starts to read with her soft, small voice. It sounded odd at first as she read so well but the poem was obviously not intended for such a young child.

He closes his eyes, this is not what he needed to hear right now, this was not going to make him feel any better.

 ** _"When we two parted_**

 ** _In silence and tears,_**

 ** _Half broken-hearted_**

 ** _To sever the years,_**

 ** _Pale grew thy cheek and cold,_**

 ** _Colder, thy kiss;_**

 ** _Truly that hour foretold_**

 ** _Sorrow to this._**

 ** _The dew of the morning_**

 ** _Sunk, chill on my brow,_**

 ** _It felt like the warning_**

 ** _Of what I feel now._**

 ** _Thy vows are all broken,_**

 ** _And light is thy fame;_**

 ** _I hear thy name spoken,_**

 ** _And share in its shame._**

 _ **They name thee before me,**_

 ** _A knell to mine ear;_**

 ** _A shudder comes o'er me..._**

 ** _Why wert thou so dear?_**

 ** _They know not I knew thee,_**

 ** _Who knew thee too well.._**

 ** _Long, long shall I rue thee,_**

 ** _Too deeply to tell._**

 ** _In secret we met_**

 ** _In silence I grieve_**

 ** _That thy heart could forget,_**

 ** _Thy spirit deceive._**

 ** _If I should meet thee_**

 ** _After long years,_**

 ** _How should I greet thee?_**

 ** _With silence and tears."_**

Kiki sighs sadly, 'wasn't that beautiful?'

If he was depressed before... now he felt suicidal. He wouldn't want to go on living if he were parted from Lily for years; he couldn't even cope with days let alone years!

This is what happened when you lived with genius children, they torture you with literature.

And once more what did Lord Byron know of heartbreak? All he was known for was his numerous affairs and scandals. He was the one who broke hearts, so what gave him the right to write such a tragic poem about something he caused to others?

'Okay so now keep that in your mind okay while I read this one and be prepared to feel better!' Kiki chimed happily.

I have faced worse; remember I have faced worse torture than this...he thought to himself although he couldn't think of anything now.

'Okay so this is called "she walks in beauty" you may know it...it's quite famous, it's used a lot in weddings...'

" **_She walks in beauty, like the night_**

 ** _Of cloudless climes and starry skies;_**

 ** _And all that's best of dark and bright_**

 ** _Meet in her aspect and her eyes:_**

 ** _Thus mellow'd to that tender light_**

 ** _Which heaven to gaudy day denies._**

 _ **One shade the more, one ray the less,**_

 ** _Had half impair'd the nameless grace_**

 ** _Which waves in every raven tress,_**

 ** _Or softly lightens o'er her face;_**

 ** _Where thoughts serenely sweet express_**

 ** _How pure, how dear their dwelling-place._**

 _ **And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,**_

 ** _So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,_**

 ** _The smiles that win, the tints that glow,_**

 ** _But tell of days in goodness spent,_**

 ** _A mind at peace with all below,_**

 ** _A heart whose love is innocent!"_**

He couldn't control himself but he suddenly became overwhelmed as he listened to these words. He could feel his bottom lip begin to tremble. He quickly bit down onto it to stop himself from sobbing.

How could one person reduce me into such a blubbering mess? How could I have allowed myself to open up to her, to allow her to change me? I never wanted this...although, even with the amount of pain I'm feeling in this moment, I wouldn't change it for the world. I will never regret falling in love with Lily. But I just can't bear that she left me. I can't seem to shake off this feeling of hurt and bitterness towards her for doing so. Even though I begged her and cried for her...she still left.

He rubbed his face into his pillow becoming angry with the tears that has dampened his face.

'Well what do you think? Did they make you feel something deep inside? L? Huh? Will you go and get Lily now?' Kiki said pushing against his back with her foot.

He sighed loudly. 'She left me Kiki so it is up to her whether she returns or not. All you have to do is wait until tomorrow.' His heart dropped; tomorrow felt such a long way away.

'Tomorrow? Oh that's ages away!' Kiki whined closing her book suddenly making him jump. It seemed he wasn't the only one who suffered with impatience. 'Can't you call her? Say you're sorry or something?' She continued pestering,

'I am not in the wrong here...well neither of us are in a sense, she just left...'

Kiki cut him off my beginning to rummage through his pockets. 'Well if you're too stubborn then I'll call her, you must have her number somewhere.'

He whipped his head from under the covers and looked at Kiki in horror. 'No stop it, you can't just call her!' he tried to move his body away from her prying fingers but she had somehow managed to snatch his phone from his pocket before he had a chance to move.

'Ah here it is!' Kiki squealed with joy. She began flicking through the numbers. 'None of these have names how am I supposed to know which one is Miss Lily?' She frowned up at him.

He leant forward and attempted to snatch the phone from her but she dodged him and stood up.

'Kiki...give me the phone, you can't call her.' He warned slowly crawling towards her.

'Maybe yooooou can't but I certainly can, Miss Lily likes me, I'm her favourite.'

He almost growled with frustration, 'Give me the phone...I won't ask again.' He said even more sternly now. None of the children would ever disobey him; he had trouble believing Kiki was behaving in such a way towards him.

Unfortutaly for him his tone didn't deter Kiki in the slightest as she keep flicking through the hoards of numbers.

'Oooh it must be one of these..., aha!' She looked up at him with a mischievous smile which made him freeze. Damn it he thought.

She held up the phone, 'This number is different from the rest because it's the only one with an L in front of it and I know it's not your number...so who's could it be?' She giggled like a villain.

'Kiki don't you dare...' He said in a rush as he reached again for the phone which she again managed to snatch out of his way.

He heard her rush to towards the door and panicked, he knew she was going to bolt.

'Kiki!' He yelled as she laughed and ran out of his room.

He scrambled off from his bed and sprinted off after her. He could hear her giggling all the way down the two flights of stairs.

She was ridiculously fast, he even missed two or three steps at a time but he still hadn't caught up to her.

She sprinted and then took a sudden right turn and ran down to the basement which was now a games room with a huge pool table sitting in the middle.

He followed her almost taking down a couple of kids down with him. She had left the light off but he could hear her panting out of breath.

He flicked on the light and caught sight of her with her long bunches standing on the other side of the pool table.

His heart was hammering not from the running but because she was holding the phone up to her ear.

'It's ringing.' She giggled excitedly.

As he began to walk towards her she quickly shuffled in the opposite direction. He turned quickly and started walking in the other direction when she turned herself and walked also in the other direction.

He kept chasing her around the table. 'Kiki, this is not funny, give me the phone or you will be in big trouble.' He warned a little out of breath himself.

She shook her head quickly.

He started to pick up his pace and run after her.

She squealed and began running too. 'Hi Miss Lily!' She suddenly yelled as they reached their second lap around the table.

He froze then; she had actually dialled her number and was talking to her. Dear god what am I supposed to do now?' He thought and began to slowly walk around the table again.

Kiki noticed of course and started to walk around it too. 'Yeah it's Kiki! When are you coming back L and I miss you.' She grinned at him.

He waved his hands frantically at her, 'Kiki!' He gritted through his teeth.

Kiki ignored him of course, 'yeah...well he didn't say it to me but I can tell; you know he was asleep until ten this morning! I had to go and wake him up. He said he's broken hearted...'

That's it she had gone too far. He skidded himself along the pool table towards her before she had a moment to react and snatched her up in his arms.

She laughed as she struggled against his tight grip, 'L! You don't have to be so impatient; here you talk to Miss Lily then!' She laughed as she placed the phone to his ear.

'L?'

He froze in place; the sound of her voice rendered him speechless. His heart must have skipped two beats before returning back to its normal pace.

'L? Are you there?' She asked quietly.

He hitched in a breath, he wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words too. Just hearing her voice brought back the day when she had left, when he had sobbed more than he had ever done so in his life.

'L...if you're there I just want you to know how...'

He dropped one of his arms that was holding up Kiki and quickly plucked the phone from her little hand and ended the call before Lily could finish her sentence.

Kiki gasped, 'you hung up on Miss Lily!'

He let her fall down to the ground as he released her and deflated, leaning back onto the pool table. He dropped his head as his grip tightened onto the phone.

Kiki turned to face him. 'Why did you do that L? Don't you love her anymore?' She asked innocently.

'It's not as simple as that Kiki...; you may be a genius child but you still have a lot to learn. I am only scraping the surface myself. I can barely get my head around the subject of love let alone actually being in love.' He sighed sadly; he couldn't look up at the child before him as he knew her eyes would show nothing but sympathy.

'I know you thought you were doing something good...but I'm afraid Lily and I have a lot of things we have to...speak about...that's if she even shows up tomorrow...; a phone call just won't do it Kiki...' He dropped the phone down beside him on the table. 'I'm tired...I've never felt so tired...' He said looking down at the wooden flooring.

Suddenly Kiki's little white shoes came into view. He looked up at her and was met with a sweet smile and then a hug which caught him completely off guard he almost slipped off the table.

She snuggled into his chest, 'its okay L, everything will be okay. Miss Lily will come back and you will make up and kiss and everything will be good again.'

He held out his arms beside him waiting for her stop hugging him. But she held tight and even gave his torso a squeeze.

Her hug he felt was full of love and comfort. It was unusual to be hugged by anyone other than Lily but he eventually began to slowly drop down his arms and then with a sad sigh embraced her back.

'Thank you Kiki.'

* * *

Lily stared at her phone for the longest time. Why hadn't he said anything to her? Even with Kiki there he had still ignored her had he actually hung up the phone?

She shook her head in disbelief. Why was he so upset with her? She had told him she would be back before he left. It was only less than a day now; she would be there tomorrow morning.

Perhaps tomorrow wasn't soon enough, I have to go now. It will take me four hours to drive there in my car but it doesn't matter, I can't leave things like this between us anymore. I have to see him as soon as I can. Even if I get there late I'll ask Watari if I can go and sleep in my guest room and then I can be there when he wakes up. She thinks as she begins to pack up her travel bag again.

L was stubborn she knew that all too well. But this felt different, this was serious and it was her fault. She had made the wrong decision by leaving him even if he had made progress with SHS; still shouldn't have left him.

He had forgiven her before so she prayed he would do so again. But she could feel this wasn't going to be easy, in fact by the way he has been acting this was going to be difficult.

She didn't know what to expect but something in her heart knew this could be a make or break situation. She prayed it wouldn't be the latter for how could she go on with her life knowing she had lost the most loving and incredible human being on the planet? Of whom she utterly adored and craved every moment of the day.


	52. Chapter 52

**Woo Hoo get ready for a hot and heavy chapter!**

 **Lily has returned to L finally!**

 **Hope you all enjoy ;) X**

* * *

You will arrive at your destination in half an hour. That's what her GPS had calculated.

Her chest began to hurt, it wasn't long now at all and soon she would be driving through those gates and who knows what state she would be in then.

She hadn't stop once during her journey and she had to admit that she has sped a few times...if not all the way.

She couldn't wait to see him again but then she was also terrified. Her conflicting emotions had started giving her a dull headache but she had brought this upon herself.

Perhaps if she had thought about it more then she wouldn't have acted so rationally.

She could have just allowed the boys to calm down and then sit L and Kenzo together with her supervision of course and talk things through.

The psychiatrist in her should have thought of that but she had allowed her heart to take the lead instead of her logical mind.

This time; though she hated to admit it, her heart had been in the wrong.

She hadn't just been thinking about L...she had been thinking about herself. She didn't want to watch L fight or get hurt anymore because of her. It was too painful.

Although he was his own person and could do whatever he wished she didn't want to be the reason for him losing his temper and physically fighting with anyone, especially with the residents of Wammy's. They all shared a home together, they were in part family and she didn't want to cause any more trouble.

Instead she ended up hurting herself but most of all the man she loved.

His eyes as he begged her were now and for always embedded into her subconscious, she would never be able to forget that heartbreaking look and what's more she was the reason for it.

She had learnt about guilt. How it eats away at you and the fact that it was pointless to feel guilty about something you cannot change. You can only act in the now and if your will is to amend things then work towards that. Leave what's in the past in the past.

She laughed without humour to herself. I can't even follow my own medicine so how the hell I am supposed to suggest it to anyone else? Some doctor I'm going to turn out to be. She thought.

No matter how many times she had warned herself that L was different and that his reactions were unpredictable she still found herself making the same stupid mistakes with him.

Okay perhaps she was being a little too hard on herself, she wasn't stupid...but she had certainly acted foolishly and sometimes irrationally. She was no better than L really. Although he had more of an excuse it seemed...because he was just so different.

Lily had fallen fast and hard for him; yes it probably was a little too fast but she couldn't help herself. As she had told him back when they had first began...flirting...it was like he was made to lure women in. She would never forget that first encounter.

Starting with his face; those perfect features. His sharp edges and delicate but kissable lips and how quickly they learnt to kiss her just the way she liked. Then there were his eyes, my god those eyes. They were like a vortex, pulling her in and when they locked onto her it was impossible to look away, and that was before she had witnessed how intense with raw passion they could become. Then there was his white porcelain skin contrasted with his raven black hair. How could a man who looked like this not attract her attention? And he was tall, even though he hunched a lot of the time. She loved his lean body; she particularly liked his wide shoulders and the line running down his back. She loved his long legs and his beautiful hands. His fingers were long and elegant. But they held some strength to them that she had experienced in the height of passion. She grinned to herself thinking back to those moments.

She was in reality doomed the moment she had laid eyes on him and she had accepted that a long time ago.

And that was just his physical attributes...she hadn't even spoken to him yet. And when she did...well...it became her first L fix. His voice...she always pictured it to be like silk that caressed every inch of her body. And to make matters worse, whenever he spoke it was like she had to pay attention even if he was just commenting on how delicious cake was or that he needed more sugar in his tea. His voice seemed to penetrate her on a cellular level. Her body instantly reacted to it. She became addicted to him but somewhere along the line that addiction turned into full blown adoration and love and she had never known love like this could truly exist.

So anyone would ask how the hell did she manage to walk away from him!

She didn't even know the answer to that herself, the best she could come up with was that it was temporary case of insanity with some good intentions thrown in there somewhere.

"You have arrived." The GPS suddenly spoke up.

Lily quickly glanced over to her GPS. How the hell? How long was I thinking for? And how the hell didn't I crash? I wasn't even paying attention.

She looked up and gulped as she drove slowly down a hidden country road and then the gates of Wammy's appeared.

She felt like stopping the car, her nerve was fading fast but she had to see him, she had to fix everything between them. She couldn't be without him...even though he would be leaving tomorrow. It didn't matter as long as they were okay, as long as she knew he would want to see her again, to love her again then everything would be alright...

* * *

She had texted Watari beforehand that she was coming down but didn't expect it to be so late when she arrived.

Her mother had delayed her for she couldn't understand why she had to leave so suddenly.

Of course Lily couldn't delve into any detail of the situation. She had told her she had promised to see L off before he went away for another case.

Her mother still didn't see the point of it but that didn't matter. All she could think of was getting back to L, nothing else mattered. She didn't have to worry about her family as they were all well.

But L wasn't well and he needed her.

She fidgeted nervously as she stood at the door waiting for Watari to open it as they had both agreed not to tell L until the morning.

She didn't want to disturb him and was hoping he would be asleep.

She worried if they reunited tonight they would talk...or argue until morning and he would be exhausted for his flight tomorrow.

At least she was here and would be here for when he woke up in the morning...maybe even surprise him? God she prayed he would be surprised in a good way.

The door opened slowly allowing the light from the hall to illuminate the darkened driveway.

She smiled as Watari stepped out to greet her.

'My dear Miss Everly, I am so pleased you have arrived safely and it's such a pleasure to see you again.' He took her travel bag from her.

She smiled as she allowed him, 'Thank you Watari, it's wonderful to see you.'

He placed a hand on her back and gently led her in. 'Most of the household is asleep so we shouldn't be too loud.' He spoke quietly.

'I am so sorry for keeping you up so late, I'm afraid I was held up, I should have called ahead...' She began feeling ashamed of herself for keeping from is sleep.

'Nonsense my dear, I wouldn't have it any other way, besides as you can imagine I have grown accustomed to the late night hours working with a certain somebody...' He smirked slyly.

She returned his smile with her own then her face grew serious as they reached the staircase. 'Is he...asleep?' She said almost whispering. She couldn't stop glancing upwards towards the first floor, terrified he would be standing there.

'I'm afraid I wouldn't know, however I know he hasn't left him room for most of the day, only Kiki has seen him I believe and that was much earlier.

She nodded quickly, 'Well I suppose I should head upstairs then...thank you again Watari.'

'Of course my dear, anything for the two of you.' He smiled sweetly as he handed her back her bag.

She smiled and began to walk upstairs.

'And please don't worry Miss Everly, everything will be alright, you two will work things out I'm sure of it, I know he will be pleased to see you.'

She watched him walk away and continued up the stairs to her bedroom. She tip toed quickly to her door and opened it. Thank god it was unlocked she breathed a sigh of relief as she walked in and flicked on the light.

She smiled to herself as she places her back on the freshly made bed. Watari was truly wonderful she thought.

She lay down onto the luscious duvet and rubbed her stomach. It ached from her growing anxiety and she knew it would be worse in the morning.

Just knowing he was so close to her was making this whole thing harder. She wanted to just run to him and tell him how sorry she was, but it was late and she didn't know how he would react.

She lifted herself from the bed and quickly locked the bedroom door, just on case he happened to open it which was unlikely but...

Tomorrow Lily, you're going to make everything alright tomorrow, it's going to be fine...he loves you...he will forgive you... She mentally prepared herself as she changed into her nightgown and slid herself into bed.

She knew she wouldn't be able to well tonight, but that didn't matter. She was here for him.

* * *

Eight am, that's it, she couldn't wait any longer. She was already dressed in an autumn red jumper dress that clung to her curves, she always liked the way she looked in this dress and hopefully he would too. She knew it was a probably a low move to try and ease his anger with her body, but she was so afraid of how he may react to her so she would use every weapon she had. She decided not to wear tights as the dress came down to her knees so it was alright, plus she was wearing red ankle boots so she wasn't showing off a lot of flesh...but perhaps just enough.

She had tied her hair in braids last night so her hair would have a little volume and wave to it when she untied them. She didn't usually go through so much trouble with her looks but she felt it would aid her today.

She wasn't heavy with the makeup and only used natural colours except for her lips. She went with a deep maroon red to match her dress. She doubted she would be getting any kisses straight away...if at all. So she might as well plump up her lips up while she had the chance. It was another asset she could use.

She shook her head she laughed to herself. She knew L and he really didn't care about any of this...but if it helped even the slightest...all this effort would be worth it.

She released a puff of breath she was holding and looked herself over one more time in the mirror. With a last fluff of her hair she walked out of her room.

Thankfully Watari was already sitting with Roger enjoying breakfast in the sunroom. It seemed to be everyone's favourite place to eat in the morning.

Lily had blushed furiously as both men looked at her and smiled widely. It was obvious why she had made such an effort and they didn't hide their knowing well.

She had tensed every time she heard footsteps approaching but then relaxed again when she realised it was the other residents of the house.

Thankfully most of the children and teens ate in the grand dining room. It was mostly Watari, Roger, L, Kiki and Near who liked to eat here. Perhaps Watari had sat in here on purpose this morning as he knew she would prefer to eat with him than the hoard of children with their curious eyes.

'How did you sleep Miss Everly?' Roger asked with a smile.

'Oh well not too bad, it took me a little while to drift off but I got there in the end...had a lot of things on my mind.'

Roger and Watari both smiled at her with sympathy which must have made her face turn crimson.

'Well that is understandable.' Watari said casually picking up a scone and cutting it in a half with a knife.

She had only managed to eat half of her scone just to be polite. She had absolutely no appetite, in fact she felt like vomiting.

She didn't turn this time as she head the little tip tap sounds of little feet. She knew it was a child.

'Miss Lily!' Kiki cried.

Lily jumped almost spilling her tea that she was in the midst of drinking.

She turned around to face Kiki who was standing in the archway to the room. She smiled warmly at the adorable girl who was wearing a huge red head band over her long locks of black hair. She had a beautiful velvet blue dress on with red shoes and knee high socks.

Lily stood up and walked around the chair she was sitting in. 'Hello beautiful.' She held her arms out to her.

Kiki sprinted to her and hugged her tightly around her waist. Lily hugged her back just as tightly.

'Oh Miss Lily I knew you would come back! I knew it. It was the power of Lord Byron.' She giggled.

Lily smirked not understanding what that meant but she was she so happy to see her. She pulled away a little and looked at Kiki, 'Well what are you so dressed up for?' She said to her.

Kiki giggled and twirled around. 'I just wanted to dress nice today as I don't have any lessons and Watari promised to take me out before he goes away.'

'Oh lovely, where are you going?'

Kiki shrugged, 'We usually go to a really nice place for tea and cakes then we go to the antique shops and look around. I like dolls...old dolls.' She smiles.

'You look like a doll today.' Lily stroked her head.

'So do you Miss Everly, you look so beautiful, L will have a heart attack.'

As soon as she had mentioned his name Lily's stomach started to ache again and her heart began to flutter. 'Thank you sweetie. Are you hungry then?' She gestured to the table.

'Yeah!' Kiki said happily and ran and leapt up onto Watari's lap. He grunted but laughed.

'I better finish my scone then.' Lily said as she sat herself back down. She glanced at the beautiful sun clock on the wall, she had only been down here for half an hour...but it seemed so much longer.

The four of them settled and continued eating their lunch. They all shared a laugh as Kiki had been too greedy with her cream and managed to get it all over her face.

She struggled as Watari attempted to wipe her mouth for her.

Lily shook her head; she was such a character she thought.

'L!' Kiki suddenly yelled out looking directly behind Lily.

Lily froze almost dropping her tea cup. Oh god she muttered to herself. She turned slowly; her heart skipped a beat as she took him in.

Even though he looked tired and worn out he still took her breath away. But he didn't seem too pleased to see her, he just stared.

She stood up slowly and faced him. 'Hello L.' She said shyly. She didn't know what else to say.

She blushed again as his eyes seemed to take her in. They moved up and down her body then lock onto hers.

'Please excuse me.' He said suddenly in that monotone voice he used.

She watched him quickly walk back the way he came. Her heart shattered in that moment, she felt humiliated.

She quickly dropped her napkin on the table, 'I'm sorry, excuse me.' She quickly said to the three and ran off after him.

Thankfully she had caught a glimpse of his white shirt walking up towards the eastern part of the grounds. He was fast but she had to catch up.

Her chest burned from the frustration and pain she was feeling. He had never acted that way towards her before, he was truly upset with her and even though she had expected this it still hurt like nothing she had ever felt.

Her little boots were only hindering her speed so she decided to take them off. Thank fully the paths around the grounds were covered with an almost sand like gravel so it didn't her feet.

She now could run a little faster and was catching up with him quickly.

She watched him disappear up into a forest like path. She kept her eyes glued onto it so she didn't lose sight of where it was as it was such a hidden path, she would have missed it entirely if she hadn't seen him turn into it.

She finally reached the path and moved as quickly as she could through the branches that were blocking it.

She didn't care if her lips or feet were getting scratched up, she had to find him.

She was thankful as it only seemed to be the one path to follow; if he had decided to disappear into the surrounding woodland she would never find him.

Her chest burned from her anxiety, she couldn't believe he would walk away from her the way he had...but she guessed now she knew how it felt.

Finally she had reached an opening and gasped when standing before was a grand tree with an even grander tree house built onto it.

It was beautiful, something that reminded her of a fairytale, she had never seen a tree house like it.

Did he go in there? She looked around but saw no other paths and the only one she had followed seem to end here.

She rushed up to the wooden ladder of the tree house and began to climb it. She dropped her boots on the ground and reached the beautifully carved balcony of the tree house .It actually had a door; she had never seen a tree house with a proper door before.

She didn't waste any time and turned the doorknob and pushed her way in.

It was dark inside apart from a couple of Japanese lanterns hanging from the ceiling...did this place have electricity too?

The lanterns caused the interior to glow a beautiful orange. There were many things hanging from the ceiling such as wind chimes of all sizes, dream catchers and other things she couldn't really make out.

'L?' She called out as she took careful steps around. The houses' floor was blanketed with a thick rug that was a relief to her now sore feet.

'L? Are you here? Please talk to me.' She called out feeling a little helpless.

'So...you came back after all.' He drawled.

Hear head shot up to look above her. And there he was leaning over a balcony. It seemed this impressive tree house also had a second floor.

She swallowed nervously as she looked up to him, 'Of course I came back...I promised didn't I?' She said hearing the tremble in her voice.

'Hmm.' He sounded as he tapped his long fingers against the wooden banister. 'You can imagine why I thought you may not return...seeing as how you left before...again. Perhaps you should just leave for good, saves all the coming and going, saves all the tears and heartbreak.' He said distantly.

She shook her head, 'L you know why I left...I was thinking of you and that with me in the way...'

'If you say you are a distraction one more time Lily so help me...' He cut her off loudly. 'Perhaps you're not as intelligent as I thought you are because how many times must I say it...?' He looked down at her then, she could see his eyes; they looked intimidating. 'You are not a distraction.'

She bowed her head down, she felt like such a fool.

'However I think you may have only used this repetitive excuse so you could escape me.' He said brushing a hand through his hair. 'Why otherwise would you use the same excuse over and over when I have told you countless times that it is simply not true.'

'No that's not...' She began.

'If you really want to end everything with me Lily and leave you only need to say so, I would never stop you...I reacted like I did because I thought you...that we...' He couldn't finish his sentence it seemed.

'No L...stop.' She pleaded as she rushed towards the ladder and began to climb up as fast as she could to reach the second balcony, to reach him.

He stepped back from her as she scrambled herself up to stand up. She clutched her hands to her chest as she walked towards him. Her heart broke as he begun to step back so she stopped.

'You have it wrong L...so very wrong. I was never trying to get away from you...I was trying to get away from my own fear...'

'Fear?'

She nodded sadly. 'I thought leaving you to deal with SHS alone with Watari would be the best thing because I thought I was in the way and also I hated seeing you...become so...'

'What?' He asked darkly.

She shook her head and shrugged, 'So angry and aggressive. According to those who know you the best you are not like that...but you have changed and I thought it was because of me and I wanted you to be happy and go back to normal.'

He sighs loudly, 'and you thought I would be able to go back to "normal" as you say without you? Lily... are you really so blind?' He said almost mockingly.

'You have changed me yes and I may behave differently than I used to but that is no fault of yours or mine in fact. You had no right to remove yourself from my life for your own selfish purposes. You had no right to play with my heart and abandon me when I needed you the most. After I begged you!' he yelled suddenly.

She jumped and looked down, 'That's not what I wanted...'

'Please let me finish.' He said sounding exhausted. 'I have no idea how this all works Lily but I remember warning you in the beginning that I am not normal, that I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to love, that I am a mess but still you decided to stay. Still you opened up your heart and allowed me in. Still you made love to me...made me into a complete man, I suppose so all I can say is that Lily... you are selfish.'

She snapped her head up, 'How?'

He sighed and again brushed back his hair as he looked up to the ceiling. 'It wasn't all you're doing of course. I developed feelings for you at such a fast rate that I couldn't hold back and control myself. Firstly I didn't know what was happening to me but I recognised you were acting in a similar way so being the detective that I am I put two and two together. And as I said you knew what I was and how I behaved but still you allowed this to happen as did I. The only difference between us Lily is that I never once left you. Yes I admit when I was shot I wanted you to see me in that state...but I left it up to you to make the decision to stay with me...and that's the problem there, you Lily Everly never gave me a choice. You chose what was right for the both of us and that makes you selfish.'

He was right, everything he was saying was right, she couldn't argue it. She could only stand there in shame and cry.

He wiped quickly at his face, 'So now I will be selfish one and walk away from you. Call me weak, a coward or whatever you want but I cannot take this feeling of despair and loss any longer, I'd rather be empty, numb and dull. Life was so much simpler back then.' He stalked towards the ladder.

She reached out and grabbed his arm. 'No L please.' She said stepping in front of him.

'Lily move, this has to end now.' He said with a pained expression.

She shook her head violently. 'No I won't allow it, I can't be without you.' She sobbed gripping onto his arm still.

He managed to free his arm from her grip and stepped towards her hoping she would move.

She didn't instead she placed her hands on his chest which he roughly pushed off from him.

'Lily stop, stop making this so much more difficult.' He whispered.

She placed her hands on him again and instead of pushing them off he gripped onto them so tightly they hurt.

'Move Lily.' He said coldly.

'No' She whispered.

He inhaled a breath and took hold of her arms attempting to move her by force.

She fought against him and they both lost their footing and fell into the balcony banister.

It hurt her back but she didn't care, she had to keep him from leaving because if he left it would be over, she knew there would be no way back.

He studied her face with his. His looked furious but heartbroken at the same time. 'Stop crying Lily, no more tears.' He growled.

She couldn't help it, the tears kept coming, she couldn't stop them.

'No more!' he yelled angrily as he turned her around and pushed her against the balcony which was just below the chest. It dug into her ribs painfully.

She felt him rest his head onto her back. 'No more, no more.' He repeated shaking his head against her.

She didn't move, she could hardly breathe but she daren't not move. He was still clinging onto her arms. He could have left but he was still here.

She didn't know how long they had stayed like that for but she couldn't bear the pain of the balcony digging onto her any longer.

She pushed herself against him relieving herself from some of the pressure. However as she moved he gasped suddenly.

She froze as he snaked his arm around her waist pulling her body closer to his. She felt him begin to grind himself gently against her. She could hear his breath in her ear as it began to quicken.

She began to tremble as his other hand softly gripped around her neck. His energy was completely different, she had never felt him move or behave in this way before. He seemed to be completely lost with what he was doing.

'Damn it Lily...' He growled in her ear.

It was her time to gasp as his hands roughly latched onto her breasts. He began to kiss and nip at her neck. He wasn't holding anything back this time as he continued to grind his himself against her and massage her breasts through her dress.

His movements started to become erratic. He bit down on her neck, she yelped from the pain.

He began to start panting now and as his hands left her now sensitive breasts to curl around the hem of her dress.

'L...?' She breathed as her hands held against his.

He shushed her softly in her ear and without another sound he roughly pulled her dress from her body leaving her exposed in her underwear.

His hand immediately unclasped her bra allowing it to fall to the floor to the room below. His hands found her breasts again making her moan from his sensual massage.

He kissed and suckled at her neck as one of his hands drifted down towards her knickers. She gasped and he plunged his fingers inside her without warning.

She moaned loudly and leant back her head onto his shoulder while burying a hand in his hair behind her.

He played with her body making her squirm and tremble. He was relentless but it felt amazing. He felt amazing. She didn't care how rough he was with her, she felt elated. She never imagined this would be the outcome of their fight. She had almost lost him...and she could still as she didn't know what this meant but again she didn't care.

He suddenly stopped and removed his fingers from within her.

'Don't move.' He ordered.

She trembled again at the sound of his voice, he sounded so different but she liked it. It was dark and caused her body to tingle.

She heard him shuffling with his clothes behind her, dropping them to the floor.

She jumped as she felt his hands glide up her thighs and around her rear. He caressed it for a moment before hooking his fingers into her knickers and slowly pulled them down. It was such a sensual act and she felt completely exposed to him.

She stepped out of them one foot at a time and stood there waiting for his next move.

She gasped as he began to place kisses up her thighs taking his time to kiss each one. She felt her goose bumps begin to surface all over her body. He was driving her mad, she wanted him inside her.

He again pulled her body against him roughly and began to kiss her neck again. She gasped from his the feel of his hot skin against her body.

'I want you like this.' He whispered into her ear. 'Lily, I'm going to take you like this.'

'Yes...' She said mindlessly as she nodded her head.

'Then...hold on.' He said pushing her forward a little so she was again pressed up against the balcony but this time it didn't hurt.

She was panting now as she felt him grip onto her hips tightly. He pushed her legs put a little wider as he moved closer to her.

She had never been taken like this before...she thoughts as she felt him kiss up and down her back and then felt him at her entrance.

Without warning he thrust himself into her causing her to cry out loudly. It didn't hurt but being in this position...it was intense, he felt so deep.

She could feel his legs shaking as he pulled himself from her but not entirely. His fingers gripped onto her hips painfully as he thrust again into her with same amount of force.

She whimpered again, it felt amazing but it was overwhelming almost on the verge of painful.

Then he began to move causing her to cry out and grip tightly to the balcony.

His hands roamed her body, holding onto her breasts then again plunging into her again.

'L! She cried out, oh god...' She whimpered again biting down on her lip.

He grunted against her, the noise almost had her climaxing. 'Lily, don't, don't ever leave me again.' He demanded through clenched teeth.

Is this what this was? He was...claiming her? Teaching her a lesson? Whatever it was it was working, after this she would be craving him like a maniac.

'Lily!' He growled loudly as he thrust so hard into her she cried out. But then he stopped suddenly. She trembled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her up so now her body was fully pressed into his. 'Answer me Lily.'

She had to focus for a second...what did he ask?

He nipped at her earlobe and again found his hand gliding down her body. But he stopped before entering her.

'Lily answer me damn it.' He demanded.

'I-I'll never leave you again, never, I love you, I love you so much.' She cried out almost bursting into tears again. She had never felt so raw and exposed with him. But here they were totally open and melding their bodies together.

'Oh god.' He breathed as he turned her head to the side and took her mouth.

She moaned so loudly that it vibrated between their joined mouths. She had missed his mouth probably more than anything and the way he was kissing her completely blew her mind. He was dominant, in complete control and she was at his mercy.

He began moving within her again, she gasped but he didn't realise her mouth. His tongue almost mimicked that of his body as he thrust into her in and out over and over again.

She could feel him begin to lose his composure as he groaned loudly into their mouths. He released her mouth for air before smothering her neck with kisses.

'You drive me mad Lily.' He breathed into her ear. 'Completely and utterly mad.'

She mewled and whimpered not caring how loud she was, she was completely lost, her mind was a shambles and all she could of was how he felt inside her and how his words affected her. She never expected this from him, ever.

'Ah L! I'm so close!' She yelled out.

With a grunt he stopped moving, 'No, not yet.' He whispered before pulling her away from the balcony and lifting her up in his arms.

She gasped as he took her mouth and felt him carry her over to the corner of the room where blankets were lain out on the floor.

He released her mouth as he placed her carefully onto the floor. She watched him walk around her slowly in all his glory, he was so incredibly gorgeous and ridiculously sexy she could barely stand it; his energy was that of confidence and determination ; who the hell was this man? She joked to herself.

He knelt down in front of her knees and kissed each of them. He didn't say a word as he kept his eyes locked onto hers as he slowly parted her legs with his hands.

She knew what he wanted and of course she would allow him, but that didn't stop herself from thinking how she didn't deserve this, all the pleasure he was giving her...she didn't feel worthy of it.

He smirked suddenly which almost gave her heart failure. She wasn't expecting it and god how she missed it.

He bent down his head and covered her with his mouth. She gripped onto his hair as she felt his hot tongue massaging inside her. She mewled loudly as he gripped onto her thighs pulling her closer to his mouth and then he started focusing on her sweet spot. He hadn't forgotten it seemed.

His eyes were closed in what seemed in ecstasy as he listened to her frantic moans and cries of pure bliss.

He groaned against her, sending vibrations inside her. She almost climaxed again, gripping tighter into his hair. 'L oh fuck!' She yelled.

His eyes snapped open then and for a moment he stared at her. He gripped onto her even more and began his true onslaught.

He wasn't letting up, she could hardly breath as she squirmed and moaned, and screamed his name.

He kept his eyes on her, watching her, studying her.

She was almost to her threshold when her took his mouth from her and crawled on top of her.

She instantly wrapped her arms and legs around him; finally he was on top of her, she loved this position the best, she could watch him, kiss him, and feel completely connected with him.

He teasingly slid slowly into her as he stared at her with hungry eyes. 'Lily, tell me.' He rasped.

She had to get a hold of herself as she looked back into his huge eyes. 'What?' She asked quietly.

He didn't say anything, instead he kept his slow and agonising rhythm, it wasn't enough and he knew it, he was doing it on purpose.

She tried to think what he wanted, he mind was completely mush she could hardly put words together.

'I-I'll never leave you.' She said quickly.

His smirk appeared again across his face, 'we have already established that.' he said ever so calmly like he wasn't driving her mad with this ridiculous slow pace. He had complete control; he knew exactly what he was doing.

She moaned with frustration, but he didn't let up, he simply stared at her with that beautiful face of his, waiting patiently.

Then suddenly it hit her, she lifted up her hands and placed him on his face, 'I love you Lawliet.' She said softly bringing his face down towards hers so she could meld their mouths together.

It was he who moaned with pleasure as he began thrusting forcefully between them. She wanted to scream with pleasure but he kept her his mouth locked onto hers, massaging their tongues together in a frenzy.

He only parted for a second to ask, 'Green day?'

Actually it was an amber day but like hell she was going to stop this, it was worth the risk.

She nodded quickly and took his mouth again.

Their skins slapped against each other as he made the most passionate and overwhelming love to her.

He couldn't hold on anymore it seemed and reached his climax moments before hers, biting down on her neck so to muffle his ecstatic scream.

She had almost passed out when she finally reached hers, she cried out his name for what seemed forever as he rode her orgasm until she was fully spent.

They couldn't move for a while as they both caught their breath. She loved feeling the weight of him on top of her. She smiled and kissed his shoulder.

He hummed happily and lifted his head to look at her.

Her eyes immediately started to sting with tears as she noticed his also tear filled eyes...and the way he was smiling at her, he looked so happy, so at peace.

'I love you Lily, more than I can ever show physically...but...I hope this came close.'

She smiled stupidly, he was making jokes now?

She kisses him again, both of them moaning with pure contentment.

She releases his lips and strokes his face; he closes his eyes leaning into her hand. 'More than you could ever know.' She whispers.


	53. Chapter 53

**Another chapter up! L will be leaving soon to go to Germany! :(**

 **I really hope you enjoy this chapter and will continue with it until the end!**

 **Thank you to those who have been with this from the very beginning.**

 **If you would be so kind and leave me reviews about the chaoter or stor I would be ever so grateful!**

 **Thank you! :D**

* * *

He couldn't take his eyes off of her as she lay there beside him with a beautiful and satisfied smile on her face.

He caressed his fingers over her hip, torso and arm. She shivered from the ticklish sensation. He smirked as he watched the goose bumps appear on her skin.

His smile quickly dissipated however as he noticed a faint red mark over her hip.

He looked at her with shame. 'Lily...h-how are you feeling?' He asked quietly.

She smiled and curled herself towards him a little more, 'I'm a little chilly to be honest.' She said ever so sweetly.

He sat up immediately and pulled down another blanket that had been folded up on his reading chair.

He flung it open and covered their nudity. She giggled as she adjusted herself to lie on her stomach and rest her cheek on her folded arms. She looked absolutely radiant it made him blush.

'Is that better?' He said wrapping an arm around her while resting his head on his hand.

'Yes thank you; I have to ask though, why are there so many blankets in here?'

He looked around, 'I come here to read on occasion; there are a pile of books in the corner there next to the chair.' He gestured with his eyes. She looked up and glanced over before turning back to him. 'I can spend an entire day in here and sometimes it gets cold.' He shrugged.

'Ha I didn't get the chance to notice.' She giggled.

He smiled but then it disappeared again as he asked, 'Lily? I didn't, er I mean, was I too?' He couldn't put a sentence together, he still felt ashamed of himself and his behaviour.

'Rough?' She spoke up softly.

He looked away and nodded.

'No you weren't, you were intense, dominant and quite frankly you blew me away.'

He reluctantly looked back at her, his heart had begun to thump rapidly at her words; he didn't know why. 'I've never felt...; I don't know what came over me. I had such clarity as I mentally prepared myself to let you go...but seeing you cry like that, begging me, it shattered me; I couldn't leave you, I couldn't bear to see you cry anymore.' He shook his head and closed his eyes. He couldn't believe he had been willing to walk away from her, to end it there and then...if she hadn't stepped in his way and fought him...

He jumped a little as he felt her lips softly kiss him; she pulled away before he could kiss her back.

'L it's alright, we have both made mistakes but we are human. I realise it's the oldest excuse in the book but we are and I believe what happened between us had to happen because now I never want to leave your side again...although I know I will have too when you leave this evening...' her voice trailed off, he could see now how hard that would be for her given the circumstances of why he had to go.

He stroked her hair back from her face softly and caressed her cheek. 'You could always come with me? Stay at the hotel? Perhaps go sightseeing? Anything you want?' He said even though every fibre in his body was against it. He would be utterly terrified if she came along...what if Misa was made aware? She would want to see her...perhaps kill her in front of him. But he didn't want Lily to feel alone or abandoned...

She kissed his hand tenderly, 'Although I would love too I think it's best for you to go alone with Matsuda and Watari. This is a chapter the three of you have to close together. You have been through so much and I believe me being there will not aid any of you...especially you.'

He frowned at her slightly, 'Lily...' he warned.

She giggled 'don't worry I'm not going to say I would be a distraction.' She winked.

He smirked and shook his head looking down.

'But,' she continued, 'I know my place is here, with the kids, waiting for you to come back to me.'

He gripped onto her tightly pulling their bodies together, 'So...you will be here? You'll wait for me?' He said almost whispering.

'Yes, if it's alright with Watari and everyone here I want to make this place my home I want to be with to you and Watari, Kiki, Near, Soot, Eve, Roger...and everyone else I will get to know and come to love I'm sure. The point is I want to share my life with you no matter what.' She smiled, her eyes revealing a depth of determination within them.

He was lost for words; all he could do was kiss her. She moaned as she turned over to her back while he climbed on top of her.

'W-we can always find a place of our own...Lily.' He breathed as they parted for breath between kisses.

She chuckled against his lips causing him to pull away from her, 'what's so amusing Miss Everly?' He asked frowning down at her playfully.

'Nothing... you're just so desperate to have me all to yourself...I know you're hidden agenda detective.' She teased smirking seductively at him.

'So...you think you have me all figured out to do you?' He smirked down at her loving how playful and alive she seemed.

She shrugged... 'Maybe' she bit her lip in an adorable way.

He breathed out a chuckle, 'who can argue with you?' He kissed her again and even though he was craving to be within her he held himself back, he didn't know how tender...or tired she might be...

She moaned against his lips suddenly. He gasped as he felt her fingers wrap around him and started stroking.

'Ah-Lily...I-I want you, I can't seem to have enough of you.' He breathed in her ear.

'Then...what are you waiting for?' She whispered as she bent up her legs and released him.

He locked onto her eyes and became instantly lost. He entered her slowly, both of them gasping and clinging onto each other. 'I can never have enough of you.' He said without moving, keeping them locked together. 'I want you to be mine forever, to be by my side, I want everyone to know that we are together.' He began to move his hips slowly causing the delicious friction between them.

'L...what are you trying to say?' She breathed as she kisses his neck tenderly.

What was he trying to say? He didn't know, all he knew was he wanted her to belong to him as he so desperately wanted to belong to her...then it dawned on him...was he really thinking of?...

He gasped as he felt her legs wrap around him holding him tightly to her. He loved the feel of her shapely legs around him, it also allowed him to tilt his hips and thrust deeper within her.

He lost all conscious thought as he made love to her. Controlling each thrust so it plunged deeply into her making her hum and moan. He loved hearing her satisfied and musical notes.

He wanted to speed up but she was holding on to him so tightly it was making it difficult to.

He saw then the desperation in her features; her eyes were locked onto his. He wanted to stop and comfort her and to ask what was wrong. But of course he knew already. She didn't want him to go to Germany. It was like a dark storm making its way towards them and they had only a limited amount of time before it hit with full force.

He slowed his pace and kissed her, kissed slowly and deeply. She clung to him harder, her nails digging into his back but he didn't care, he had to comfort her, he wanted her to feel good when they were together; no more tears and no more worries.

He glided his hand down and lifted himself up a little from her. She mewled into his mouth as he fondled her; he eagerly lapped up her sounds of bliss. He still couldn't quite believe he could draw out these sounds from her. He wondered how many times of them being intimate would it take for it to start sinking it...? He almost smiled at the thought of all the intimacy they would be able to share together in the future...

'Ah L! Mmm' She pants against his lips.

He kisses her again. He was beginning to learn what her sounds meant. He knew from her whines and moans she was almost at her peak, as was he. He never seemed to last long. He wondered if it was possible to last longer than a few minutes...if it was he knew he would have to practice because it seemed he could barely last a minute.

He applied more pressure to her delicate bud and began to stroke her the way she liked.

He inwardly smirked as she moaned loudly and yelped as her body started to convulse under him.

He hitched in a breath as her teeth bit into his neck which startlingly had he him reaching his own climax before he could control himself. He held himself to her onto her, submitting into his own ecstasy.

After he his body calmed he felt her lick languidly at his neck where she had bitten.

He pulled up his head from her shoulder to look at her. He found himself instantly smirking at her flushed and coy expression.

'Um...sorry about that...I guess _I_ got a little carried away this time.' She said stroking her fingers against his neck.

He chuckled a little, 'No need to apologise, I have to admit I very much enjoyed it.' He kissed her lovingly. 'You are full of surprises my darling.'

Her cheeks seemed to flush a deeper pink at his words; he found it to be most pleasing. How could someone exude such beauty and innocence while looking so exquisitely delectable simultaneously? Only Lily he concluded, no one else could ever hold a torch to her.

He planted delicate kisses onto her face and gently moved off from her to lie at her side. He sighed happily as she turned her head to face him with a beautiful and satisfied smile.

'Although I would love nothing better than to remain here and continue making love to you...' He began.

She giggled and shook her head. 'You have such stamina! It's quite remarkable. Aren't you tired?' She smiled joyously at him.

He shook his head, 'Not even in the slightest but I have other plans for us. It's always something I've wanted to do since we've met...' He smiled shyly at her, 'and you must be longing a shower yes?' He blushed clearing his throat...they had made a lot of...love...

She snickered mischievously. 'Yes I suppose we are both in need of one.'

He sat up onto his elbow and leaned over her, caressing her stomach. 'Then let's head back, shower and then...well you'll see.' He smirked before kissing her tenderly just the once.

She seemed to pout up to him as he pulled back, 'Just the one?' she sulked.

He shook his head and smiled, 'I'm afraid so, just until we make it back...we are both very much aware of what are kisses can lead to...' He looked around to her and smirked.

She sat up too holding the blanket to cover her, 'such control detective, although I can hardly say I'm not surprised.' She winked at him.

He sighed, 'Lily must you look so tantalising...? It's taking every ounce of strength to keep my hands off of you.' He said teasingly but really he meant it, she was intoxicating to him and he could barely control himself.

She rolled her eyes and quickly pecked his nose with a kiss, 'Very well, I'll behave...for now. But I can't be held accountable for my actions as soon as we get into the shower.'

'We?' He asked suddenly feeling his body igniting again.

She nodded slowly, 'Yes...we.'

* * *

She was famished by the time they eventually removed themselves from the shower.

She had to admit she was feeling deliciously tender from their earlier but wonderful antics...the shower had been no different. Although they didn't make love they certainly took their time washing and stroking each other before he had knelt down in front of her and insisted on pleasuring her yet again.

Of course she would never get tired of it...what women in their right mind would?

She had pouted when he hadn't allowed her to return the favour. He was more interested in her pleasure as he always was, he then proceeded to give her a wondrous head massage as he his lathered her hair with shampoo.

She had almost buckled over as her knees where already weakened by the intense and powerful climax he had given her. She had no idea any man could make her body feel this way...but again L wasn't just any man.

He had surprised her beyond belief with the amount of confidence he had built up. Not to mention his intensity and passion during their lovemaking.

However his unpredictability may be the result of everything building up around him. From SHS to the Shinigami and Misa...L has had to deal with so much that she believed would drive any other person to the edge of madness.

She bit her lip in thought as she waited for him in the lounge area. He had instructed her to stay right there while he went and prepared their activity.

She smiled as the thought back to his bright smile. He was excited, he reminded her of a child. He seemed so pure and innocent. She chuckled to herself when images flashed before her eyes to their earlier exploits.

But even so L still reminded her of a child sometimes. She couldn't help but still see him as someone pure in her eyes.

She rubbed her belly as it whined at her with hunger. She frowned as she glanced towards the archway to the room. 'Where is he?' She muttered.

She tapped her fingers against her legs until she finally decided to stand up and go in search of hm.

Feels like I have been waiting forever, I don' think my stomach can hold out any longer...She thinks as she crosses the huge lounge.

She stops as she suddenly hears rushing footsteps coming towards the room.

She quickly runs back and leaps down onto the sofa where she was. After a few moments L enters the room carrying a huge picnic basket.

'Good you're still here.' He says in a rush. He was perspiring and flushed.

'Yes...just like you told me.' She smirked. She stood as he came towards her. 'What on earth have you been doing? Look at the state of you.' She said wiping back some stands of his hair that were stuck to his forehead. She smirked and looked down to the basket.

'I was preparing our activity of course.' He smiled proudly.

She shook her head amused and bent down to open the lid.

He quickly swooped the basket away from her and tutted. 'Patience Miss Everly. We have to find the right spot first and then lay the blankets down.'

She stood up and placed her hands on her hips. 'So this is what you have always wanted to do...a picnic? You've never had a picnic before?'

He shook his head and frowned, 'No...I have never wanted to before.' He blushed slightly.

She cocked an eyebrow, smirking at his adorable behaviour. 'So why now?'

He tutted again as he looked back at her, still blushing with embarrassment, 'because now I have you, come.' He said in a rush as he grabbed her hand with his free one and pulled her from the room.

* * *

'So have you an idea of where this perfect place is?' She said as they held hands walking around to the houses rear.

'I have in fact...however.' He pulled her again to round yet another corner of the house. He stopped and nodded ahead of them.

'Oh, wow.' She giggled as she took in the four electric buggies before her parked safely under a wooden gazebo like shelter. 'I've never seen these before, nor have I seen anyone use them.

He shrugged and released her hand as he walked up to one and placed the basket in the boot of a blue buggy. 'I think that would be down to the children becoming too lazy to enjoy the outside, or they are too preoccupied with studying or activities.'

'That's a shame; let's hope they don't miss out too much.' She said looking over the buggy which reminded her of golf buggies.

'Indeed...this world has many wonderful things to offer...I have recently only found that out myself.' He smirked across the buggy at her. She couldn't help but blush now herself.

'Everything happens when it's supposed to I guess.' She said casually as she sat down into the buggy.

'Um what are you doing?' He asked her suddenly.

She looked up at him, 'What? I want to try this bad boy out, I want to drive.' She smiled sweetly.

He shook his head and climbed in pushing her with his hip so she slid back into the passenger side.

'Oi! L! She protested.

'Lily, you have no idea of where we are heading.'

'You can guide me.' She whined.

'I'd rather drive us.' He said calmly while pushing the engine button.

The buggy came to life but very quietly.

She crossed her arms, 'You don't trust a woman driver? I've already driven your car remember?'

'I remember and because of the state I was in I couldn't very well refuse. But this is my activity for us so I'm in charge.'

'Your stubbornness holds no bounds.' She moaned under her breath.

'Yes, I remember you saying something of a similar nature before and yet this fact still surprises you?' He drove them out of the gazebo and turned to drive towards the open plains of the grounds.

Lily sat quietly, obviously sulking.

'Listen, I won't have you sulking, not today of all days. So I'll compromise...would like to drive us back?'

Her lips twitched a little, she knew she was being childish but he his stubbornness was frustrating at times. 'Yes, I would like that.' She grumbled.

'Lily...I can hear the pout n your voice...' He said mimicking what she had said to him before.

She huffed and wrapped her arms around his and lent her head down onto his shoulder, 'Yes I would like that, thank you.' She said a little more gratefully.

He kissed the top of her head as they continued.

'So...how big are the grounds?' She asked after a few moments of silence.

'I'm not quite sure; I have never enquired about it myself. But if I was estimating I'd say it would be more than twenty acres, no more like forty.'

'Wow...no wonder we are using the buggy.'

* * *

Lily smiled as they finally turned into a secluded clearing of shrubs and trees. 'Are we there?'

'Yes, just a little further in, it seems we have been blessed with perfect weather. Coming here even if it's a little damp is hazardous, the buggy would just become stuck in the mud.'

'I guess it's happened to you before?' She asked as she looked above her at the trees that were arching over them. The sun seemed too twinkle as it shone through the cracks in the leaves.

He cleared his throat a little awkwardly before answering, 'Just the once when I brought Constance. We ended up having to push the buggy from the mud thus becoming covered in it ourselves.'

She looked at him surprised to hear him speak about Constance, 'Oh...so were you going to have a picnic with her...?' She asked attempting to hide the ridiculous pang of jealously she felt.

'No, like I said I've never wanted to have a picnic until I met you. I suggested bringing her hear for a walk to help her clear her mind and relax. I've heard just as little as ten minutes of walking can alleviate ones mood and decreases the chance of depression and anxiety. All of which she suffered from.'

Lily nods sadly, the jealousy disappearing just as quickly as it appeared. 'You were good to her.'

'I could have done more.' He said quietly.

She rubbed his arm, 'You can only do so much for someone, even if you had done more it may not have changed the outcome.' She said seriously. She would not have him blaming himself anymore, it just wasn't fair.

He remained silent until finally they came into a clearing, Lily gasped at the sight before her.

'Oh my god!' She exclaimed as she took in the natural beauty of the meadow before them.

Wild flowers of all colours were painted everywhere across the long green grass. There was even a stream that cut through the middle with rocks nearby and a few lonely standing trees.

'Ok first I thought the tree house was a fantasy scene, but this, this looks like it's come straight of a fantasy book, an enchanted meadow almost.' She beamed at him.

'It's a serene and calm place. I believe only Watari and I know of its existence.' He said parking up the buggy.

She looked up at him and placed her hands gently onto his cheeks which began blushing the moment she did. 'Thank you for bringing me here.' She said quietly as she kissed his lips tenderly.

'You're welcome, thank you for accompanying me.' He returned her kiss just as tenderly.

They soon began unpacking the contents of the huge basket as soon as they found a flat space to have their picnic. It was near to the stream, the water sounded heavenly.

She giggled as she watched L take out the traditional red and white chequered blanket and fling it up into the air. However a gust of wind blew just as he did causing it to land of top of him.

Lily laughed he stumbled around like a fool, battling to remove it from him. 'I'm glad you find this so amusing.' Came his muffled voice from under the blanket. Finally he managed to pull it off of him looking flustered with his hair a mess.

She shook her head, 'I'm sorry, you're just such an adorable clutz. Here let me help.' She quickly came and took hold of the other end of the blanket and together they gently lowered it down onto the grass.

She smiled as she watched him straighten it out and smoothed out any wrinkles or bumps. 'Right, what's next then?' she asked looking towards the basket.

'No, no you sit, allow me.' He said pushing her down to her bum with his hands on her shoulders.

She huffed but chuckled as she watched him dig through the basket and began bringing out plates, cutlery, Tupperware, jars, glasses and bottles.

'My goodness, what a spread you have, good thing I'm starved.' She said as she watched him begin to place pastries, sandwiches and cakes onto serving plates.

He stopped for a moment to look up at her concerned, 'You are starved? It is because I've made you wait so long?'

'No, I've been hungry since well...since round two back in the tree house.' She smirked as his eyes suddenly flashed as he too thought back to their intense morning together.

He nodded and continued placing the food without looking up at her again.

She knew he was avoiding her eyes as he knew as well as she that if they allowed it they would be all over each other again; but food had to come first for now.

Finally he finished pouring fresh orange juice into a glass jug and placed it on the grass next to them.

She smiled as she watched him struggle with an appropriate sitting position. 'Why don't you just sit the way you usually do?' She asked placing a sandwich on her plate.

'No, I want to try this properly.' He said stubbornly until he finally found a position he was comfortable with. He sat his with one knee up and the other lain in front of him bent at the knee.

She smirked and nodded biting into her sandwich. 'Mmm.' she said suddenly looking down into her sandwich. 'What is this? I was expecting peanut butter and jam.'

'I realise my diet is not...healthy, but that is my choice and I will not force it upon you. So I looked up a quick recipe for a healthy sandwich filling. It's smashed avocado with cherry tomatoes, fresh basil and sort of dressing I can't remember the name of...and I believe there are pine nuts in there as well.' he said picking up a cupcake with green icing on top and chocolate sprinkles.

'Wait.' She said quickly swallowing her mouthful. 'Did you make all of this yourself?'

He nodded absently as he devoured his cupcake. 'Not everything...the sponges for the cakes were already made. I just whipped up some mint and chocolate icing for them and I stuck the vegetable pasties in the oven. But everything else...I think...I made myself...yes.' He said nodding and taking another bite.

She smiled and looked over their spread. 'Did you even squeeze the juice?'

'I attempted it and it was going well until I got to the third orange which splattered its juice into my eye.' He shook his head and glared at the jug of juice. 'Cook wasn't impressed with my language, but it stung, I didn't think orange juice could sting.'

She laughed, 'Neither did I. But L, I must say you have done an amazing job, this is by far the most delicious and thought out picnic I've ever had.'

'Thank you Lily...but you don't have to lavish me with such compliments; you haven't even sampled everything yet.'

'It doesn't matter, I am overwhelmed with the effort you have put into it, thank you.' She smiled as she finished off her triangle of sandwich. 'Hmm, you should cook more often; I think you may have a knack for it.'

'That may be so however I don't think I couldn't handle all the taste testing required when preparing food.' He scrunched up his nose.

'Did you taste this?' She asked surprised pointing down to her half eaten sandwich.

He nodded, 'I hope it doesn't put you off, but I didn't find the taste or texture to be to my liking at all.'

She laughed and gave his leg a squeeze. 'Too bad, because it's delicious. Well more for me then.'

* * *

She couldn't believe how full she had become in such a small amount of time. She and L devoured almost the whole spread, including most of the cakes and pastries.

'L...I can't move...' She said as she laid with her head his lap.

He had now both of his legs in front of him and was resting back onto his hands. 'Neither can I...I believe we may have overindulged.'

'That's an understatment, we gorged ourselves; we are gluttons.' She said, even speaking seemed like a challenging and exhausting task.

'Well...you did say you were hungry...'

'Oh...I don't think I will be able to eat for a week now.'

'Nonsense, we will be attending a household dinner together before Watari, Matsuda and I leave tonight.' He said belching quietly in his hand.

She giggled but soon stopped as the action gave her a stitch. 'You never mentioned that to me.'

'Watari insisted, I couldn't very well say no.'

'But...I can't...I have to go into hibernation now for the winter.' She whined rubbing her belly.

'Lily, winter is almost over.' He smirked down at her, clearly amused.

She shook her head, 'it doesn't matter, I can't possibly think about eating ever again.'

He chuckled lightly, 'even thought you are obviously struggling, I must admit this is one of my proudest moments.'

She looked up at him and frowned, 'How so?'

'I have provided for my partner and satisfied her need to eat. It's a surreal but satisfying feeling.' He smiled down at her and stroked her hair from her eyes.

She smiled, 'Yes even though I'll probably put an immense amount of weight on, I can honestly say you sure know how to provide for me.' She snuggled her face into his thigh.

He jumped a little, 'Careful there my darling, if you keep stimulating me I...well my body will have other ideas...' He said gruffly.

She smiled suddenly realising what he meant, 'Oh...I must apologise, I didn't realise you were so sensitive.'

'Yes you did.'

'Yes I did.' She admitted with a laugh. 'Don't worry yourself; even though the thought of making love in this enchanted meadow after such a delicious meal is incredibly tempting, I simply cannot move.' She rubbed her belly again.

'Who said I was worried? I would love nothing better than to take you now...but...I'm afraid I must agree with you.' He said as he lay down onto the blanket. 'I can't move either.'

* * *

She awoke to the faint sounds of chirping birds. She felt a little chilly and realised they had fallen asleep on the picnic blanket. She sat up stiffly and looked down as his face. She smiled as he quietly snored.

God he was so beautiful she thought as she crawled up beside him and cuddled into his side.

He sleepily put his arm around her and hugged her into him. 'Are you alright...?' He said half conscious.

She kissed his cheek, 'yes, I'm fine, go back to sleep.' She whispered.

He immediately did and it didn't take her long to join him as she laid her head on top of his chest, allowing his steady breaths to rock her back into sleep.

Their wonderful nap had them both buzzing with energy as they had packed everything neatly back into the basket and bundled it all into the buggy.

She quickly ran around and jumped into the driver's seat. She waited for him to join her. 'You did say I could drive us back.' She said innocently.

'That I did.' He said shaking his head as he sat himself beside her.

'Don't worry; I am a very capable driver.' She said as she started the engine.

The buggy quickly jolted forward making her yell out. 'Wow, sensitive pedals.' She laughed innocently.

L simply stared at her, obviously not amused.

'Don't give me that look.' She threatened and again pushed down a little more gently onto the pedal and thankfully the buggy drove off steadily.

She giggled as she drove them back through the path he had taken, remembering exactly where they had come from.

'How long do you think we have been out for?' She asked looking at the sun ahead of them; it wasn't as warm now indicating it was getting late.

'I'd say around three or four hours, we slept for almost two of them.' He said calmly watching her like a hawk as if to make sure she wouldn't crash them into a tree.

'Hmm, something must have made us tired...and I don't think it was just the food...' She smirked slyly without looking at him.

'Yes...I agree with you there.' He said back casually but she could tell he was thinking back to their morning just as much as she.

Even though she had loved her day with him so far, the truth of the matter was that he was leaving tonight. The pang in her chest would always come to surface the moment her thoughts turned to this reality.

Although she was would miss him terribly it still didn't come close to the fear she had. He might not come back...and that terrified her.

She shook her head quickly, no, she couldn't think like that. She trusted him, he was brilliant and she knew he would be fine. He had to have been preparing himself these past couple of weeks, he would be just fine.

'We didn't really get to discuss you going away tonight.' She began quietly.

'What is there to discuss?' He said quietly.

'Well, do you know how long you will be gone for?' She said feeling herself tense.

'No, but I imagine it will be just the one meeting with Misa, when I've finished with her, I will attempt to return as soon as I can, perhaps even on the same day.'

Lily's heart leapt at his words, which meant he wouldn't be gone for long at all. 'I really hope that will be the case.' She said finally as Wammy's came into view. 'Do you know what you are going to say to her?'

'She has requested to see me, so I will do nothing but hear her out and then, if it is required I will speak with her for however long she keeps me there.'

Lily gulped; hearing those words again filled her with dread and anxiety. What if she planned to keep him there for always? What if she wanted to finish him off?

'She-she blames you for killing Light doesn't she?'

'Yes.'

'But it was Matsuda who shot him?'

'Yes.'

'But...Watari said the autopsy pinned the cause of death from a heart attack...not the bullet wounds.'

'What are you trying to say Lily?'

'Well, doesn't that indicate it was the Shinigami that killed him...and not Matsuda?'

'Yes, but the police didn't want to make it known that Kira was killed by a Death Note, it would cause an uproar with his followers and the peace Kira had created would be lost. So they wrote the heart attack was caused by the shock and stress of the bullet wounds and made sure only the police and national security agents knew of it.'

'Wait...so...Kira's followers, they still think he is alive?' She asked shocked.

'We don't know if the death of Kira has been leaked out into the world, however after his death the police created one last faux video of Kira saying farewell for now, but to know he was still there, keeping watch. It's a pathetic and cowardly excuse to keep the name of a serial killer alive because the police want to keep the public scared of Kira's wrath.'

'So...has it worked? Is there still less crime?' She asked.

'It would seem so yes, especially in Japan and America. But Misa of course knows Kira is dead and she has been out for revenge for what I can imagine a very long time.'

'So...really...Misa should be made aware, why allow her to keep believing it was you who killed him?'

He sighed, 'Because Misa was completely infatuated and devoted to Light. She will not believe a word of it, she will just see it as an attempt to pin the blame onto something else.'

Lily gripped the wheel hard, she couldn't do anything to protect the man she loved anymore he could protect himself.

She felt his soft hand rub up and down her arm gently.

'Please try not to worry Lily, I realise it's much easier said than done, but I want to enjoy the rest of our evening together, I don't want to discuss this anymore.'

She looked at him and couldn't hold back smiling sadly at him. His face was so pure, full of love and she knew he just wanted to enjoy their time together...as did she. 'Alright, I won't bring it up anymore.' She said quietly.

She parked up and as soon as she had turned off the engine she turned his face towards her and kissed him desperately. She moaned into him as he ferociously kissed returned her kiss.

'I'm not full anymore...' She managed to gasp out. As he moved his lips towards her neck, kissing and licking at it.

'What are you insinuating?' He growled against her skin.

She dug her hands into his hair, 'I think you know exactly what I mean.' She said smiling as she felt him growl again.

'Lily...you're insatiable, you're going to be the end of me.'

She chuckled, 'it's a good way to go though...'

He hummed amused and raised his head up to face her. 'Are you sure that's what you want? Again?' He asked seeming as if he didn't quite believe her.

'Yes of course...why? Have you had enough, do you want to do something else? I don't mind...as long as we are together.' She said caressing his face.

He rolled his eyes and quickly got out from the buggy. She followed and met him quickly on the other side.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards one of the houses many garden doors.

'Wait what about the basket?' She said looking behind them.

'Leave it.' He said quickly.

She smiled excitedly, she couldn't quite believe how they were behaving but she never wanted it to end. She giggled as he opened the door to the reading room and pulled her into his arms smashing their lips together once again.

They suddenly both froze as someone cleared their throat. They both slowly turned their heads to find Kenzo sitting quietly in front of the fireplace with a book in hand.

He smirked as he closed the book. 'Well...you two can't seem to get enough of each other.' He said with a chuckle.

Lily clung onto L as she felt him suddenly tense, his anger quickly rising.

'Don't Kenzo, don't say anything.' She began to pull L from the room. He allowed her too thankfully.

'Wait will you?' Kenzo called out suddenly stepping towards them.

To Lily's surprise it was L that halted while she would have just ignored him and kept walking.

'What is it?' L asked calmly however Lily knew he was anything but. She could read him so well now.

Kenzo put the book down onto a table and rubbed his hands together seeming a little nervous. 'May I speak with the both of you please?'


	54. Chapter 54

**Thank you for your patience in this update!**

 **Moving house really sucks and takes up a lot of time!**

 **Really hope you enjoy and feel free to comment! X**

* * *

Both L and Lily stood a little dumbfounded as their eyes studied Kenzo standing casually with his hands in his pockets of his grey jeans. Lily noticed how the bottle green sweater he was wearing seemed to really bring out the red in his long hair that he had tied back in a low ponytail...

'Can we sit down?' Kenzo said finally after a long bought of silence between them.

Lily glanced over to L standing at her side; his hand was holding hers a little too tightly...meaning he was still struggling with his anger.

She decided to take the reins, 'Um well...'

'Whatever you want.' L quickly interjected.

He didn't release her hand as he led them both to sit on the couch opposite the armchair Kenzo had chosen to sit in.

Kenzo smiled which seemed a little out of place. However as far as Lily could tell it was a smile of relief; perhaps he truly did want to make peace? She hoped at least.

Kenzo slowly sat down and proceeded to rub his hands over his thighs...he was nervous.

'So uh yeah...I think things got a little out of hand...' He said looking up at them both.

'That's quite the understatement.' Lily grumbled.

Kenzo nodded and shifted in his seat feeling a little uncomfortable. 'It is, I know and I want to formally apologise to the both of you, my behaviour has been completely childish and well just...'

'Moronic.' L said with venom in his voice.

L squeezed his hand, 'L let him finish.' She ordered.

Kenzo scratched his head awkwardly, 'Yes moronic, you always have such a way with words mentor...' Kenzo said sharply seeming to feel a little hurt.

Lily stiffened for a moment thinking L would fire something back but thankfully he remained quiet except for the slight sigh he released.

'I hope you can both understand that this is not easy for me.'

'What do you mean? Apologising?' Lily asked.

Kenzo shook his head, 'No, god knows I should be used to apologising by now...with the amount of hearts I've broken...and truly this is all where this started from.'

L started to shuffle obviously feeling uncomfortable, both Lily and Kenzo watched as he slowly removed both his trainers and tucked up his legs in his usual sitting pose. He quickly grabbed Lily's hand again and rested it in his lap.

Lily smiled slightly and then looked back to Kenzo who had been waiting patiently, 'Please continue Kenzo.' She said kindly.

'So...since our last...encounter...I made the decision to leave...' He said quietly.

'Leave? Leave Wammy's you mean?' Lily asked she couldn't help feeling a little shocked.

Kenzo nodded, 'Yes...well I want to go to temple and commit to a life of abstinence until I've...well healed.'

L couldn't hold his blank expression anymore as his eyes widened a little from Kenzo's words.

Kenzo continued, sitting himself back in the armchair feeling a little more comfortable. 'I realise I was at fault for most of the things that happened between us L...although I would work on that jealously of yours...' Kenzo smirked playfully.

L said nothing but frowned.

Kenzo held his hands up, 'Hey everyone has their flaws...even the great L...but I digress. I cannot live like this anymore and I don't want too. Thankfully I am not a smoker or really a big drinker so that won't be a problem to stay away from, but I am a sex addict and I believe the best place for me is at the temple where I can work on myself and be far away from any temptation...which includes you Lily.' He said looking almost ashamed of himself.

Lily blushed but stayed quiet. What could she say? Kenzo was being so honest and open about himself it had completely surprised her.

All three remained silent. Only the soothing ticking off the clock broke the silence of the room.

Lily could hardly bare the silence anymore and her sympathy for Kenzo had grown stronger since he had apologised.

L began to re-adjust himself again, dropping his legs and leaning forward resting his arms on his legs, it was very unlike him to sit in that way.

Both Kenzo and Lily watched him with curious eyes.

'Thank you Kenzo, I accept your apology and I respect your will to change the traits that hinder you.'

Kenzo took a moment to gather himself; he was as taken back as Lily. She did not expect L to forgive him so easily...but she felt so proud of them both in that moment.

L continued speaking calmly, 'Since you have been so open about your flaws I feel it is only fair I open up about my own. You see I've never been in love...and I suppose in some way you can understand that?' He looked at Kenzo straight in the eyes.

Kenzo nodded sadly, 'Yes...I've never been in love...'

'Then perhaps you can also understand how precious Lily is to me and how easy it was to allow my jealously to unleash itself onto you.'

Kenzo chuckled a little, 'Because of my reputation am I right?'

'Not only that, it's because you were open with her, you could talk to her so easily, show her your faults and not try to hide who you were...'

Kenzo and Lily both shared a look. Was this really how he had felt all this time?

'I know how your abilities aid you with people opening up to you but you hadn't known Lily for long so I doubt it would have worked on her even if you tried...'

'Oh and how I did try...' Kenzo chuckled again.

L rolled his eyes, 'It's taken me a long time to finally open up to Lily and yet I am still finding things out about myself that only she could have ever brought out.'

Lily could now feel her cheeks burning, maybe it would be best to step out...it seemed almost invasive of her to be sitting in and listening to these beautiful men completing her and holding her in such high regard...she really felt she didn't deserve so much.

'And I imagine that's what you had noticed with Lily and me and thought perhaps you could experience it as well?'

Kenzo cleared his throat; L seemed to have hit the nail right on the head. 'Yes...I wanted to experience what the two of you shared, even if was for a moment and even if was just because of my ability. It was selfish I know and egotistical of me.'

'Why egotistical?' Lily asked finally making her voice heard.

'Don't you remember the things I asked you Lily? I couldn't for the life of me figure out why someone like you would choose someone like L over me. Because of what I knew of you L you didn't show warmth or love to anyone...perhaps only Watari so it just puzzled me and I couldn't understand it...I suppose I wasn't used to being turned down.'

'And you would be correct...however.' L looked at Lily beside him with such love it made Lily almost giggle and hide her face away. 'She saw something in me that I hadn't even known was there. So trust me Kenzo it was a shock to me as well...and I am still battling with it myself.'

Lily had to interject...all these compliments were so overwhelming she couldn't take anymore, 'But...it doesn't mean you can't have that...just look at you Kenzo and look how far you have come. Coming to terms with the faults you find within yourself is something that is not easily done and sometimes takes years for people to master. You have accomplished so much already...I hate to say this cliché of a sentence but you will find the one when the time is right...when you are ready. And may I just add without L becoming too jealous,' She turns to him and winks, 'I was flattered by your attention and you made me feel attractive as all men should to women.' She smiles warmly at him while stroking L's fingers with her thumb. L simply cleared his throat a little.

Kenzo blushed slightly again and looked down. When he finally looked up again his eyes were glistening slightly. 'Thank you, both of you...so...where do we go from here?'

L stood up slowly with both Lily and Kenzo following suit. He walked towards Kenzo and held out his hand. Kenzo looked down at his mentor's out stretched hand. He took it slowly and the two shook hands with respect and calmness... that was until Kenzo pulled L in suddenly wrapping his arms around him in a massive bear hug. 'Come here, you're not just my mentor but my brother as well.' He chuckled as he squeezed L with his huge arms.

Lily laughed as L began to struggle against Kenzo's embrace.

'I can't breathe... Kenzo..., Kenzo!' L whined childishly.

Kenzo laughed freely and released him.

L stumbled backwards taking in deep breaths, 'Must you always spoil the moment?' He grumbled at him.

Kenzo shrugged, 'A bit of bromance never hurt.' He winked at Lily who playfully slapped his arm.

* * *

They left Kenzo happily in the reading room and walked hand in hand towards the lounge.

'Well...that was unexpected.' Lily said quietly.

'Yes...I must say he never fails to surprise me...in both good and bad ways.'

'So...you really forgive him?' Lily asked wondering if everything she had seen was a charade. She knew L, and she knew he was a very good liar.

'I do. He seemed genuine and well...I suppose I am not one to keep a grudge...or perhaps I just don't have the energy too...still I could have done without that death hug, I think he fractured a rib.'

Lily snorted, 'So dramatic.'

Unfortunately the encounter with Kenzo, although positive had spoilt the mood. Even though he couldn't get enough of her time was passing quickly, his departure would be upon them before they knew it and they still had the...family dinner to deal with.

So instead they both opted to sit in the sun room and watch the sun set together in peace.

Lily rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. 'This is nice...I wish it could stay like this.' She said sadly.

He nodded not knowing what to say. He knew she didn't want him to leave, that was of course obvious but the outcome would be much worse if he stayed, it would be a certain death sentence.

He never had such fear rise within him before...apart from the night terrors. But this fear was overwhelming. He didn't fear Misa or what she might to do him. He had faced death countless times that it seemed to dull his reaction to it.

What he truly feared now was being ripped away from Lily, to never see her again. Of course death would part them eventually...but this would be too soon. They haven't had enough time together, he had only just found her, the love of his life and now he had to prepare for the worst?

He had never once complained about his life; he was well aware Watari finding him and bringing him here to Wammy's was nothing short of a miracle.

Qullish was his adoptive father and had given him the world.

He had so much power, knowledge and luxuries around him, most of it he took for granted, but he never forgot how Qullish changed his life and shaped him to the detective he was today.

He thought for a long time that this was how he was always meant to be. He would notice others in relationships, holding hands, kissing, flirting and just simply accepted that would not be a part of his life...and that was fine.

Then Lily bursts into his life and completes him. She gave him the missing parts that Qullish obviously could not.

He hadn't even had time to truly live with another like her and appreciate the little things in life without having the prospect of death looming over them...that didn't even include his horrid hallucinations or whatever they were.

He and Lily hadn't had the chance to be a...typical couple...and he doubted they ever would given who he was...but there was still hope that someday they could at least live without fear of being tracked down and murdered.

Little shuffled beside him and tucked her hand under his shirt rubbing his chest softly...it instantly soothed him. 'What are you thinking about?' She asked dreamily.

'How soothing your touch is...maybe you can carry on with it at dinner...' He really didn't want to have dinner with everyone; it would make things...more difficult.

Lily tuned her face into his arm and chuckled, 'It won't be as bad as you imagine, Watari wants to do this for the family, I doubt everyone will be there...he said so himself didn't he?'

'Yes... but as soon as the smell of food reaches the noses of greedy children they will come running.'

Lily chuckles again, 'Well we better eat quickly then...'

She glides her hand down to his stomach and begins her soft strokes again. He tenses a little as his body begins to wake up to her fingers gingerly grazing along his skin and much too close to his groin area.

He quickly takes her hand in his and kisses it looking down at her quizzical expression. 'You better stop before I cannot hold back any longer...' He says in a whisper.

She blushes a little when she realises what he means. 'Oh...woops...sorry, I forgot how sensitive you are.' She grins mischievously.

'You're a terrible lair Lily.'

She looks down defeated, 'yeah I am, perhaps you can give me a lesson or too.' She grinned up at him again.

He squinted his eyes down at her, 'I have you know it takes years to reach the level of my deceptive abilities. Plus you are far too honest...a trait that I have always admired about you...'

Her face softens, 'Well you got me there, I suck at lying and I don't particularly enjoy it.'

'Then never lie...only when your life depends on it...I think you could forgive yourself for that at least.'

'Perhaps.' She said in thought before looking up at him again, 'But I am looking forward to this dinner.' She winked.

He studied her face again, 'I take it back; you're a very good liar.'

* * *

Everyone was already sitting at the table when they arrived hand in hand.

Matsuda blushed a little; it seemed he hadn't yet grown accustomed to L acting like a normal man with a woman...it was quite adorable Lily thought.

Lily looked around the table and was surprised to notice Near, Soot, Eve and Kiki sitting in their places around the table. All her favourites she thought with a smirk.

'Miss Lily!' Kiki shouted and bolted from her seat to tackle her at the waist, thankfully L had been there holding her steady as she was sure the little yet powerful girl would have knocked her down.

'Hello sweetie, what a hug...but don't you think you should be hugging L?' She said looking down to the adorable girl.

'Huh?' Kiki said confused.

'Well he _is_ the one leaving tonight.' She smirked towards L standing beside her.

Kiki whipped her head facing him suddenly.

'No that isn't necessary...' L began before Kiki bounced up like a chimp and pounced on him.

L wasn't prepared and they both flew backwards landing on the floor, the thud alone was worth it in Lily's mind.

Everyone at the table immediately started laughing apart from Near; however he couldn't quite keep the smirk from his face.

L grumbled on the floor as Kiki finally released him and petted his head before skipping back happily towards her seat.

Watari chuckled breaking a bit of bread in half, 'You are wicked Miss Everly.' He said amused.

She giggled and helped L back to standing. He was flushed and took a moment to compose himself. 'Don't think I'll let that go; she doesn't realise how heavy she is.' He said rubbing his hip wincing from the pain.

'You just have to get stronger!' Kiki yelled back at him happily biting into a roll. 'Just wait for the one I'll have for you when you come back.'

L looked at her in horror, 'Good god.'

Lily giggled and kissed his cheek quickly, 'Sorry, but you made her night and you looked adorable.'

L rolled his eyes and they both sat down.

L looked around at the smirking faces, 'Don't any of you ever dare.' He grumbled earning another laugh from everyone.

As everyone settled back down Kenzo suddenly crept into the room. Both Lily and L looked at him in surprise causing Watari to look back over his shoulder. 'Kenzo?' He said politely.

Kenzo awkwardly stood their shuffling his feet from side to side, 'erm...got room for one more?' He asked as he looked up at L and Lily hopefully.

Everyone looked at L waiting to see how he would react.

'Its fine but you are not allowed to hug me...I've had enough of that today and I fear for my life.'

Everyone laughed and settled down at again.

Kenzo smirked and nodded gratefully as he took a seat next to Eve.

Lily noticed Watari smiling to himself; it warmed her heart knowing his smile was because of L and Kenzo making it up. He truly did love his children...

Perhaps he would love me like that one day? She thought to herself.

Even with the departure looming over them L and Lily had found dinner to be most enjoyable.

She was thankful that the children had invited themselves and even Kenzo being present had lit up the mood even more with his awful jokes and loud laughter.

She had sneakily snuck a few glances at L to watch is expressions. Her heart had melted ever time he smirked. It seemed he had really enjoyed himself and he didn't hold back on shovelling the food down either. He even tried a roast potato that had again made him the comedic of the night just from his expression alone.

'Why is it so salty?' He said with aghast.

'That's how they are supposed to be...and they aren't even salty.' Soot said shoving one into his own mouth.

L swallowed his down and gulped down some water quickly after.

'Such a drama queen.' Lily said beside him. 'You will have to get used to some other foods other than sweets, I won't have you dying of diabetes.'

'I think you're overreacting, I don't eat enough sugar to give me anything like that.' He said so sure of himself.

Lily opened her mouth with shock, 'I hope you're joking, I'm surprised you have all your teeth still.'

'He has the best dentist money can buy...but even they can't perform miracles.' Watari said wiping his mouth politely with is napkin grinning slightly.

L rolled his eyes before eyeing another cupcake before him.

'Really?' Lily said.

'What? Well what would you have me try?' He said moodily.

'How about some of the nutroast with some...hmm what's sweet?' She said tapping her finger on her chin in thought as she looked around the table. 'Apple sauce!' she said with delight as she leant over and grabbed it from the sauce holder.

L watched her with horror as she cut a piece of the freshly made nutroast and then put a tablespoon of apple sauce beside it on a plate.

His eyes followed the plate as she set it down in front of him. 'There, delicious.'

L huffed and picked up his fork and knife and cut a tiny bit off. Lily sighed quietly hoping he would have cut himself a larger piece but at least he was trying.

He smeared some...no a lot of applesauce on his tiny piece before quickly putting it into his mouth.

She watched him chew quickly and was thankful he hadn't made the face of disgust as he had done with the potato.

He swallowed it.

'Well...what do you think? Not too bad huh?' She said with a sweet smile.

He shrugged, it's not as bad as the potato; the applesauce saves it.' He said before cutting himself a bigger piece and again smothering the sauce all over it.

'You won't even taste it with all that sauce...' Matsuda said.

'That's the idea.' L said before eating some more and grabbing the jar of sauce.

'You're having more?' She asked watching literally pour the sauce out from the jar onto his plate.

'If you want me to finish this yes.' He said simply.

Lily didn't now whether this was an accomplishment or not. She was leaning towards the latter.

* * *

After an emotional goodbye to the children that consisted of a few tears and heartfelt moments L, Matsuda and Watari made their way to the entrance hall, their bags has already been brought down.

Lily clung onto L's arm but quickly released it as Watari turned to her. 'We will be back before you know it, perhaps even tomorrow. So please do not worry yourself Miss Everly, just look after my children, be there for them when they need you.' He smiled warmly at her.

'I will.' She said quietly before embracing him with a tight hug. He patted her cheek gently when they parted and looked over her shoulder towards L. 'I'll be in the car, don't be too long.' And with that he put on his hat and was out the door.

Matusuda was next, shuffling shyly towards her with his head bent down a little, 'yeah...um...don't worry about us, we will _all_ be fine.'

She smiled and embraced him, 'I know you will, look after them okay.'

They parted, 'of course I will.' He smiled sweetly before turning and walking out of the house.

She had to take a moment before turning back towards L who had been patiently waiting.

Her stomach dropped, she didn't want to say goodbye again. 'I...' She began.

He quickly walked to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. 'You don't have to say anything Lily, I already know.' He said quietly gently rocking her side to side in his arms.

She gripped onto him tightly, hiding her face into his chest. She breathed in his scent hoping she would always remember it.

'You come back to me okay.' She managed to mutter out.

She felt his head move as he nodded. 'Of course.'

He placed his hands on the side her head and tilted it upwards so he could see her face. They said nothing but stared into each other's eyes. He shook his head slightly and smirked, before leaning down and taking her lips with his.

Her grip tightened around his waist as she clung onto him as he kissed her gently.

His lips were tender but passionate at the same time. It wasn't a normal kiss, this was most certainly a goodbye kiss, she could feel him holding back as was she. They couldn't allow their emotions to take over...otherwise this would be all the more worse.

He broke their kiss and gave her face a once over again...she did the same...branding his perfect features into her mind's eye.

'I'll keep in contact when I can...I'll call you as soon as we land.' He said a little hoarsely.

She nodded quickly, unable to form any words.

He nodded her face now in his hands. 'Don't watch the car leave...trust me it's harder that way.'

She looked down sadly. 'Okay.' She managed to croak out.

He tilted her face up again and kissed her gently. 'Just shut the door after me alright? Stay safe my darling, I'll see you soon.'


	55. Chapter 55

**A nice chapter before the serious stuff begins! Really hope you enjoy and please keep the comments coming. You all know they mean a alot to me and I know I have a few readers here...please I want to hear from you.**

 **Mucho Love! X**

* * *

'Give me it Quinn! I was reading that!' Kiki wailed throwing herself towards the boy jumping around the reading room.

'You always hog these; they aren't just your books you know!' Quinn shouted back at her dodging her small hands by leaping to another armchair.

'They always cheer me up and I want to cheer up!' Kiki yelled again.

Lily peeked her head around the door. She didn't want to admit it but as soon as she heard some of the children were still awake she sprinted towards the noise. She didn't want to be alone plus doubted she would be able to sleep tonight.

She was about to enter the room to stop the bickering when Near suddenly appeared from nowhere and snatched the book from Quinn's hand when he wasn't looking.

Quinn spun his red spiked head round to face him, 'Hey! What gives Near?' He whined at him.

'I am trying to read and I cannot settle with the two of you carrying on like this.' He said calmly as ever...nothing really seemed to bother him that much...except for public spaces...; that Lily had seen firsthand.

'Well just because she is young doesn't mean she can hog the book.' Quinn said sitting himself down and folding his arms in a sulk.

'Well why don't I make this easy and pick a story for you both to read, no arguments.' Near said taking a seat on the cream coloured sofa.

'Yeah okay and then you can read it to us!' Kiki said sitting at his feet.

'Erh no, that was not my intention...'

Lily walked in then, 'I would very much like to hear you read...will you read to us Near?' Lily said with a smile.

'Yay Miss Lily is here, now you have to Near because she asked you to and it would be rude to say no.'

Near rolled his eyes reminding her instantly of L...she missed him already. 'Please Near...it will help take my mind off things.' She said as she sat down beside him on the sofa with Kiki quickly bounding into her lap.

'Very well...but no talking throughout, I hate that.' He said as he flicked through the pages of the huge Grimm's fairytale book, it looked really old.

Quinn smirked and came and made himself comfortable in the armchair next to them. He smiled sweetly at Lily who returned his smile.

'Near sighed and finally stopped flicking through the pages, 'alright the story is Rumplestiltskin.'

Lily chuckled softly, 'One of my favourites.'

'Mine too!' Kiki said.

'I've never heard it before...' Said Quinn with a confused expression.

'Well perhaps I can continue if everyone stops talking?' Near said sounding more like a teacher than a young teen.

Lily and Quinn shared an amused smirk.

They all hushed down which signalled Near to begin reading. His voice was soothing and deep for a boy so young...again he reminded Lily of L; the way he spoke was soft but his tone made you want to pay attention...Near had a similar way of speaking. He speaks well and annunciates every word perfectly, never faltering, keeping at a steady and comfortable rhythm so everyone could follow easily.

Lily gently strokes Kiki's hair...soothing herself in the process. She had never really been overly fond of children and never felt broody and still didn't. However as she gazed lovingly at the children before her, beautiful, intelligent, sensitive and unique; she felt her heart swell and suddenly wanted to reach out and stroke Near's hair but thought against it, he probably wouldn't appreciate it especially with an audience.

She wondered though...apart for the children and teens that openly gave and received affection like Kiki, Eve and Soot. What kind of affection if any did children like Near crave?

All children...in fact all humans wish to be loved in some way or another. So how could she give love to a child like Near who was never shy in showing how uncomfortable he can become when someone touches him.

Although they had held hands when out in London that day and he even took her hand himself as they left. It proved at that moment that Near did seek her out for affection and comfort because of his anxiety...

But when at this house, in his domain, Lily wouldn't know how to approach him; would he even appreciate a hug or a pat on the back every now and then? Or would he only receive it when stressed or afraid?

She focused on him as he continued reading as peculiar thought entered her mind...would he end up like L?

Although L has a remarkable and...exceptional life, he had admitted to her that there were moments in his life where he had missed or craved the touch of someone and not in a sexual way...but he had always felt like an outsider, a robot almost. And because of his lack of human affection and interaction his mental stability suffered and he became a hermit filled with social awkwardness and perhaps anxiety and paranoia.

But because now she knows L in a much deeper way she is aware of how sensitive and emotional he really is...but when she looks at Near...she doesn't see the same emotional sensitivity as L.

The only time was in Hamley's but it was a very stressful situation for him...he was completely out of his depth.

At least here at Wammy's he seemed contented enough...but...he was the silent type and could very well be hurting underneath his blank expression and calm voice...again very much like L.

Kiki and Quinn giggled suddenly pulling Lily from her musings.

'What an idiot, I mean who sings his name out in the open like that...doesn't matter if you're in the middle of the forest, you know someone is bound to hear you.' Quinn said shaking his head with a smile.

'It's one of the morals of the story, don't be so cocky because when you are you let your guard down and then someone can take advantage.' Lily said poking Kiki's nose playfully making the little girl giggle.

'Indeed...however the story it not over...but if I remember correctly the ending is a little...r-rated for Kiki...perhaps she should step out.' Near said turning to the last page of the story.

'Near you're not that much older than I am, I want to know how it ends!' Kiki yelled out.

'Fine but don't you even think about crying to me when you don't like what you hear.' Near said with a huff and continued.

Lily hugged Kiki closer, she knew she would be alright, the story wasn't that horrifying. Although Rumplestiltskin does end up tearing himself into two as he puts his foot through the floor in a rage when the maiden says his name and when he tries pulling it out he uses such force that he rips himself in half.

'You're a sweetie for thinking of Kiki Near...and if she does get upset I am sure I can read you something a little more...happier.' Lily smiled down at Kiki.

'Not in that book you won't, those fairytales are all dark and twisted...hardly any of them have happy endings.' Quinn said yawning loudly.

'Well doesn't that just reflect life? Everyone should always be prepared for the worst...the blow won't be so difficult for them then.' Near said looking then to Lily.

His eyes caught her off guard and she found herself gripping tightly onto Kiki for a moment. Thankfully Kiki didn't seem to mind. Why had Near looked at her that way? Was he trying to say she should prepare for the worst? Why? What did he know?

He continued reading leaving her mind racing and her stomach twisting, she didn't want to think of L...not now. She was just patiently awaiting a text or call from him saying he arrived safely and that everything was fine.

But now she was reeling, her anxiety building itself up causing her heart to race.

She hardly noticed when Kiki had kissed her goodbye on the cheek and walked out of the reading room with Quinn leaving her alone with Near.

She watched him calmly place the book back into its slot on the shelf. He still has his back turned to her as she began to speak.

'Near...why did you look at me like that? When you said everyone should always be prepared for the worst?' She asked calmly.

He didn't turn back around; instead he kept looking through the books on the shelf, sometimes leaning forward to read the titles on the spines.

'Because...I don't want to you get hurt.' He said simply with no indication of affection in his voice, but his words...he had never said anything like that to her before.

'Why would I? He has only gone to speak with her...right?' She said losing her composure just a little as her voice cracked slightly.

He plucked another book from the shelve and turned on his heel. She watched him sit back down in his place and open it up.

After he had read the first page he spoke again, 'True...but nothing is ever that simple when it comes to L and...I know how much you care for him...' He says still reading casually.

'Yes as do you I'm sure?'

He looked up at her then and kept her waiting. Finally he spoke, 'I have never thought of L anything more than a mentor...a very distant mentor who I hardly ever saw come out of his room...during the daylight hours anyway. But then...you came along and changed everything about him...well almost everything; he is still arrogant, stubborn and over confident in his abilities.' He said a calmly with no hint of animosity.

Lily smirked a little but didn't say anything.

'But since you arrived...it brought on situations where L and I had to be in the same room and I suppose...I got to know him a little more.'

'He's not as bad as you thought huh?' She asked smiling.

He shrugged, 'I suppose not and I began to realise we had more similarities than I expected. But even so...' He drifted off as a hint of blush coloured his white cheeks.

'Yes?' Lily prompted not knowing the source for the sudden blush or awkwardness that overcame him.

He began to twirl with a strand of his hair. 'Even so...I found you were the one who I wanted to be around more, you're fun and you're different...you held my hand and comforted me when I made it clear that I wasn't comfortable with you doing so...everyone usually backs off but you didn't; so I suppose I see you as a friend of some sorts.' He shrugged again keeping his eyes down onto the book on his lap.

Lily's heart melted then, she couldn't help it. Near had called her a friend, it was a big, big deal to her. 'Oh Near!' She yelled happily before running towards him and embracing him in a tight hug.

He grunted uncomfortably, 'That wasn't an invitation for you to throw your arms around me.' He grumbled over her shoulder keeping his arms by his side...but he never pushed her away.

* * *

Lily was almost skipping back to her room. Near had been totally unaware of how happy he had made her. It felt like she had broken through his steel walls...she couldn't help but feel just a little bit special. Perhaps he would eventually allow her to take him clothes shopping? Or play toys with him? One step at a time she thought...can't push someone like him.

She hadn't realised it but she had made her way to L's room.

She frowned and looked back; she was already halfway up the spiral staircase leading to it.

Her sadness was on the verge of engulfing her again, but she shook it off and carried onto his room. She turned the handle and found it open. She smiled to herself; he actually forgot to lock it this time.

She opened the door fully and switched on the light. She looked around at the pristine looking room...it was too tidy; the housekeepers must have been here earlier. He never kept his room looking like this.

She closed the door behind her and locked it. Thankfully the heating was on so the room didn't feel as cold as it usually was...the blue walls never helped the space feel cosy.

Still as she walked in and began to smell his scent she smiled and laid herself down on the bed cuddling against his pillows and taking in more of him. It wasn't enough though, his scent was fading...

She rolled on her back looking at the high ceilings above her. A wave of loneliness began to fill her up. Even though she had spent time with the children earlier and even gave Near a hug she felt empty...she needed his warmth, his arms around her, his voice and lips against her own.

She sat up suddenly and realised she didn't have her phone on her...the one with the Koi charm.

She sprung out of the room and almost fell to her death down the stairs while sprinting back to her room.

She cried out when she noticed phone that had been left on her bedside table was blinking its green light indicating she had a message.

She flipped the phoned open and found two new un-read messages.

'Shit!' she yelled out.

She clicked opening the first one:

 _We are just about to board. I cannot tell you how much I want to crawl into bed with you and remain there always, warm and by your side. Please be safe and take care of yourself. No moping around...I mean it. I want you to keep going with everyday life. Make sure you eat and drink lots of water; go out into the sunshine, smile, and laugh. I'll return to you as soon as I can...perhaps sooner than you think. You're always on my mind Lily...never forget that. I'll see you soon, I love you, L._

'Oh god.' She cried wiping her tears...she really didn't want to cry but how could she not? He was on fire tonight with his words, did he go out of is to make her cry?

She smiled and kissed the screen then clicked onto the other message. Her heart leapt as it informed her it was a voicemail.

She quickly punched in the number for her voicemail and held the phone up to her ear.

" _Hello my darling_..." She could feel a huge smile as his voice caressed her ears.

" _I know it's ill advised to have your phone on while flying but I just wanted to make sure you're alright as I didn't receive a message back from you...so I thought since Matsuda is asleep and Watari is indisposed I would give you a quick call; I'm sorry if I'm just being paranoid but..."_ He lowers his voice into a whisper, perhaps it was to make sure Matsuda didn't wake up.

 _"I miss you insanely; it already feels like I'm a million miles away from you. I love you so much Lily..."_ She quickly wipes a tear away from her cheek again as she listens to his voice along with some ruffling and the constant humming of the plane in the background.

 _"Watari is returning from the lavatory...I best be going...I'll call you the moment we land I promise. Again I love you, speak to you soon..."_

 _"L, are you on the phone...?"_ She chuckles as Watari's disapproving voice makes itself known in the background. She giggles even louder as L gives a guilty _"No"_ before hanging up the phone.

She smiles down at the phone in her hand and begins to type a text back. She feels guilty knowing he probably won't see it now until he lands in Germany, if only she kept her phone on her...; she hopes he just sleeps the rest of the way but she doubted that very much...not with what he had to face in the morning.

She was feeling tired herself but she wanted to stay awake because he would be landing soon...; she looked down at the time, he only had a couple of hours left...so maybe she could get some sleep before...

She yawned loudly and closed and locked her door. She undressed and quickly put on her nightgown and crawled into bed.

She kept the phone in her hand as she laid herself down, making sure to just lie on her back and not get too comfy...she wanted to be able to wake up as soon as he called, which reminded her; she brought the phone up to her face and turned up the volume to its max; there...no way she would be sleeping through that.

* * *

L constantly tapped the phone against his knee. Although it wasn't on he wanted to keep it close by...

Only thirty minutes until they landed in Germany. He had been watching the lights from the country illuminate the ground as they flew over the land in their private jet.

Thankfully Matsuda had worn himself out with the excitement of flying in a private yet and had yet to wake up.

He glanced over to Watari beside him. He was reading a book but L could see his guardian's eyes begin to droop down. L wouldn't tell him to sleep though, the old man was as stubborn as he was...even more so. At least they would be able to rest up in the hotel tonight...

It was likely he wouldn't be succumbing to sleep though...he couldn't anyway until he heard Lily's voice.

He was already full of anxiety...not only because he hadn't received a reply from her which was unusual but...since they had taken off he had felt...him again. That disgusting and chilling presence had made itself known as soon as Matsuda had fallen asleep and Watari had gone to the toilet.

He didn't know why he decided to call Lily then; he was somewhat thankful she hadn't been there to answer...she might have picked up the anxiety in his voice. He knew what she was like and she was more in tune with him now than she had ever been...she knew him so well and for the first time he really loved that. To have someone know him so well...it was a relief in a way.

A cold chill pierced through his chest making him leap up in his seat. It didn't go unnoticed by Watari.

'Are you alright?' He asked turning towards him with that concerned look on his face.

L quickly looked away feeling mortified, 'Yes, I just felt a chill.' He said quietly.

He could see Watari still looking at him in his peripheral vision. 'Would you like a blanket?' He asked finally.

Knowing Watari as well as L did, he knew that was a metaphor...he was really asking if he wanted to talk about it. 'No...I'm fine; we will be landing soon anyway.' He said tucking his knees back into his body again.

Thankfully Watari didn't press anymore about it and changed the subject. 'Are you prepared to face her? Do you know what you want to ask her?' He asked keeping his eyes down to his book.

L began to nibble on his thumb, 'It depends...' He said looking out of the window again.

'On what?' Watari asked looking back to him again.

'If she allows me to ask her anything, I have no idea how Misa will act upon seeing me...thinking it was I who killed her beloved Light.' He felt the chill slightly again but held back the will to shiver.

* * *

As soon as tires hit the ground L had already pulled out his phone and turned it on.

He walked out of the plane and was hit with a sudden cold wind. He shivered; it was certainly colder in Germany...suited the situation he thought.

'Hey it's alright I'll take my bag, you don't have to do that.' Matsuda yelled after one of the airport workers who had come running to meet them on the runway to take their bags and pack them into the car that had been already waiting for them.

'Matsuda leave them be, it's their job, stop making such a fuss.' Watari could be heard scolding the young agent.

L walked away from the car with the phone to his ear.

He quickly took out his passport from his back pocket and handed it to a security guard as he approached him. The guard took a look at him then back down to the passport and nodded, 'Welcome sir.' He said with a thick German accent.

L nodded nonchalantly as the guard gave him back his passport and waited for Lily to answer the phone. He was shivering but he would be in the warm car soon...just as soon as she answered...

She awoke suddenly, mumbling and cracking her eyes open. She flipped up the phone and croaked out a 'Hello?'

'Hello my darling.'

She hummed happily and smiled goofily, she loved when he called her that. 'Hey...I'm so happy you've landed safely.' She said quickly clearing her throat.

'Yes, it was a smooth flight.' His voice sounded a little shaken...and the wind sounded really strong on the other end.

'God it sounds really windy there are you outside?' She asked.

'Yes...our p-plane has just landed, the car is already here to t-take us t-to the hotel...but I wanted to hear your v-voice first and I'd rather s-speak with you away from W-Watari and Matsuda.' He said shivering.

'That's so lovely of you and I'm glad you called...but I want you to go and get warm now please, I know you don't have a coat on...' She could imagine him in his thin white top.

'No b-but...its w-worth it.'

'L I can hear your teeth chattering! Please get in the car, call me in the hotel, I'm sure you have a suite right? There is plenty of space to speak with me in private.' She knew she sounded like a nagging wife but he was freezing!

'S-so demanding...m-miss Everly.'

'I have to be with you.' She smirked.

'Very well, I'll call y-you as s-soon as we arrive at the hotel...'

'Okay, I'll be waiting, I love you.'

* * *

'Whoa, look at this suite! It's amazing!' Matsuda exclaimed as they walked into the lavish suite.

'Tell me why I agreed to have him come along?' L said to Watari as they watched the over enthusiastic agent test out the furniture in the living area by bouncing from one to the other. He then went and rummaged through the mini bar, then walked out of sight towards the bedrooms.

They could hear his wows and gasps of joy. 'The beds are huge!' He shouted out from one of the rooms.

He came trotting back in as watched as Watari tip the footmen then close the door locking it. Watari took a hold of his bag and wheeled it into the room sitting down on one of the lavish looking armchairs. 'Pick whatever one you want Matsuda for we should be heading to bed soon; we have an early start tomorrow.'

Matsuda watched Watari take out the laptop and place it on the coffee table while L was fiddling around with his phone, pacing up and down. He scratched his head and yawned again, 'Well then, I guess this is goodnight?' He said looking from Watari to L.

'Yes, get some rest Matsuda; I shall be doing the same in a moment. Goodnight.' Watari said rubbing his eyes sleepily.

Matsuda nodded and smiled and walked towards a room, before he went in he turned back, 'Uh...goodnight...Ryuzaki.' He said remembering to use L's fake name now they were out of Wammy's.

'Goodnight.' L said without looking up from his phone.

As soon as Matsuda closed the door to his room L walked the rest of the way into the living room. 'Watari, do you mind calling up for some tea...I'm just going to make a call.'

'Yes of course.' Watari said as he picked up the hotel phone that was sitting next to him on the table.

L nodded and walked into one of the huge bedrooms Matsuda had been so overjoyed about. It was beautiful room but looked no different from the hundreds of hotels he had already stayed in. Nothing really impressed him anymore; he doubted he would even be making use of it anyway.

He held the phone to his ear as he walked towards the window looking out into the city at night.

'Hey, so you're nice and warm now huh?' Lily answered warmly, her voice always making him calm.

'Yes, the suite is warm and I've just asked Watari to send for some tea.'

She giggles, 'Of course.'

'Where are you? Are you in your room?' He asked fiddling with the curtain in front of him.

'Yeah, all tucked in.' She said sounding relaxed.

He smirked imagining her in her nightgown and relaxed in bed.

'Hey can you do me a favour?' She asked suddenly.

'Of course.'

'I want you to lie down on your bed.' She ordered sweetly.

He frowned as he looked back towards the huge and inviting bed. 'Why?'

'Because I want you to be relaxed while you talk to me.'

'I am always relaxed when I'm speaking with you Lily.'

'Hmm, that maybe so but still...do this for me, please.'

He rolled his eyes and hopped up onto the bed. 'Alright, I've done as you wished.'

'Are you lying down?'

He sighed, how did she know he wasn't lying down? He could tell by her tone she knew. He laid down stiffly ignoring the fact that as soon as his back rested down onto the bed he felt immediately relaxed. The bed felt like heaven, as if he was lying on a cloud. A contented sigh escaped his lips.

She giggled, 'That must be a really good bed...you never sigh like that here at home.'

Home, she said home, he didn't know why that had him smirking like a fool but he loved when she regarded Wammy's as her home...their home. 'If I have to be completely honest...it's sublime.'

'Glad to hear it, now one more thing I want you to do...'

'Yes, what is it now?' He said holding back a yawn.

'Close your eyes.' She whispers softly.

'Why?' He asked not wanting to admit his was already fighting to keep his eyes open.

'Because I want you to relax while I read you a bedtime story.'

He shakes his head and smiles widely; she was adorable and perhaps a little unhinged. 'Lily, what does go through your mind...? I wonder.'

'Please...you'll enjoy it...' She pleaded.

How could he say now when she asked like that? 'Fine, they are closed.' His closed his eyes and immediately the strain he was feeling in them dissipated.

'Good, alright this story is called Hansel and Gretel... you may have heard of it.'

He smirks and snorts a little, 'yes, I can say I'm familiar with it.'

* * *

'The end...' She says closing the book keeping it on her lap.

She listens and smiles as she hears the steady, deep breathing she longed to hear. He was finally asleep, it had worked.

She lays the book down on her bedside table. She was so happy she thought of this. He had run back down to the reading room when he called her at the airport and took the fairytale book back up with her.

She knew he would do as she asked, he loved her after all and she knew he would be tired.

She had thought it all had been ruined when she heard Watari knock at the door with the damned tea. Thankfully L had lain back onto the bed after he had drunk some.

She wanted nothing more but to keep speaking with him on the phone but he needed rest and she knew he was too stubborn or too wrapped up in his own thoughts to go and lay on the bed without having to be told.

She listened to the sounds of his breathing for a few more minutes while slipping into her bed herself.

She smiled, it was funny how soothing and comforting it was just listening to him sleep. When her own eyes had begun to close she reluctantly hung up the phone but not before whispering as softly as she could, 'Goodnight Lawliet.'


	56. Chapter 56

**Here it is...the confrontation! ;)**

 **Hope you enjoy! X**

* * *

L hadn't awakened until Watari had tentatively knocked on his door and called out to him.

He had been shocked to find he had slept for five hours straight. The phone had still been stuck to his ear when he had sat up.

He didn't recall falling asleep...or saying goodbye to Lily, which meant he must have fallen asleep on the phone to her...

Wait, hadn't she been reading him something? He thought as he put his phone on charge; a bedtime story...that's what she had been doing...however he couldn't for the life of him remember which one it had been.

He smirked and shook his head, she had obviously done it on purpose, she knew him well enough he wouldn't have gone to bed at all.

He wasn't mad at Lily but...he would have liked to have spoken with her for a while longer...but he knew she had done what she had because she cared for him. In all honesty he felt much better and was full of energy.

It hadn't been a completely restful sleep however. Although it was nothing compared to the night terrors he had had previously...it still had chilled him down to the bone.

It had been difficult to live through again hence why Light or whatever it was manifested it in his mind last night he concluded.

He had been taken back to that moment, where everything ended but also began... Kira's death.

He watched it all happen again as Light had quickly begun scribbling down L's name in his scrap piece of the death note with his own blood. That's when everyone yelled out but it was Matsuda who took the shot that killed him.

He hadn't died however...not straight away.

L now wished he had just walked away from the scene, he should have allowed that monster to die cold and alone...; but no he had to watch him fade in front of him, listening to the monstrous screams and laughs as Kira vanished before him leaving behind a dying, delirious and defeated Light Yagami.

He listened as Light spat at him with his words of hatred, of how much he hated him more than anyone. That he would have won if it hadn't been for Matsuda, that in the end L would always know deep down that Light had won, that he would have beaten him.

L had proven at last Light was Kira and had proceeded to belittle him and turn everyone against him with the truth and in that moment it had felt good...really good.

All the suffering, all the hatred, the endless days and sleepless nights wondering and searching had all come to a halt at the very moment he pulled out the fake Death Note in front of everyone leaving Light for the first time...speechless.

He remembers how insane Light become pleading his innocence, yelling to the top of his lungs that it was a trap, that L had always suspected him, always had hated him. But then...as L proceeded to explain his "trap" leaving no room to run Light suddenly became Kira again and confessed himself to everything.

However Lights' words always had stuck with him and made him think...what if Matsuda hadn't taken the shot? Light had already begun writing his name...and he knew he wouldn't have stopped until he had killed him. Light had been a cornered animal and even though it was the end for him he didn't want to do down without taking L with him.

The end of Kira...of Light never felt satisfying enough...not to the extent he had always imagined it to be.

Months and months of working together and battling each other had been the most exciting and the most difficult times of his life...before Lily of course.

But because Light had to be put down like an animal and therefore would never feel the cold bars of prison just really didn't sit well with L.

There was more he wanted to talk about and deep down he had wanted to convince Light that he would never had beaten him; that he would have always won no matter what the situation was...

But...that's it isn't it, that's what really drove L insane every time he thought about the Kira case...Would he still had won if Light hadn't been shot down? Or would Light always have the upper hand as he had said in his last few words to him. L would never know and that's why he had never really let go of Light, of Kira, of any of it.

That's why he allowed himself to fall into a depressed and repressed state of mind, that's why he lost the will to live...he couldn't accept how things ended between them, there was so much that needed to be said, that needed to be...explained and clarified.

He in no way resented Matsuda for what he did, he saved his life after all...but again, he didn't want anyone to have had to save him...he wanted to defeat Kira alone and he had been so close...alas Light had been a step ahead and before Lily had come into his life and brought him a reason to live...he hadn't wanted to live knowing Kira...might have won.

'Ryuzaki?' Are you up?' Watari asked walking to the room slowly.

L could hear the clinging of a tray behind him. Watari had brought him breakfast.

He turned around watching Watari place the tray on the bedroom's small dining table seated for two.

'Thank you.' He said walking towards the tray. He looked down at the banana muffins, his stomach growled. 'I'll have the tea...but not the muffins.' He said even though he was famished, he just didn't feel like eating.

'Nonsense, you must eat...I know you like to have your own way but this time I must insist...you need the energy and we don't know how long we are going to be there for. I want you to have a sharp mind.' Watari said pulling out the chair and giving him a look that L knew he couldn't argue with.

He sighed but sat down quietly and began to unwrap one of the muffins. He almost groaned out with pleasure as he took a bite, it was delicious.

Watari disappeared for a moment allowing him to finish one of the muffins and pour himself a tea.

He just finished putting in the sugar when Watari returned holding up a long black coat on a hanger and a hat in the other hand.

L looked at it up and down before taking a sip of his tea, 'I hardly think your usual attire is necessary Watari, we are going as normal "agents" are we not?' He said dipping a bit of muffin into is tea and quickly plopping it into his mouth before it broke off.

'Exactly so we must...blend in and dress for the occasion...and this isn't for me.' He said hanging the coat over one of the breakfast chairs.

L swallowed his muffin realising what he meant, 'I fail to see how dressing like you will help me blend in.' He said taking another sip of sweet tea.

'Ryuzaki...your attire is too casual, you don't look like an agent or a detective which works well for most parts however, the staff at the hospital are expecting three agents arriving today to speak with Miss Armane...and so we should all look the part...working together...which means dressing in similar attire agents might wear.'

L couldn't really argue with that...but did it have to be such a long and constricting coat? He looked at the hat in Watari's hand, 'The hat is a bit of an overkill don't you think?' He said frowning at it.

Watari exasperated, 'You realise who you are don't you? We don't know how much information Misa has revealed out about who you are and what you may look like. I do not want to take any risks so you'll be wearing the coat, hat and glasses.' He said with finality in his voice that again L couldn't argue with...he knew so from past experience.

'Do I even dare?...glasses?' L said rubbing his eyes with frustrating.

He listens as Watari drops something onto the table.

He looks down at the black aviator shades in front of him then looks up to a smirking Watari, 'Really? Are these _really_ necessary?'

They both jump as Matsuda comes barging into the room dressed all in back. He twirls around happily, 'Look at this? Bet you didn't think I could look so sharp huh?' He smirks towards them posing. 'Oh is that what you ire wearing Ryuzaki? Awesome, we are gonna look like the men in black.' He said chuckling.

L snorts with no humour, 'Pfft, my thoughts exactly...' he mocked folding his arms as he sat back into the chair.

* * *

The atmosphere quickly turned serious and heavy as they all piled themselves into the black Mercedes taking them to the hospital.

No of them said a word. They all remained silent while looking out of the darkened windows of the car.

Matsuda had cleared his throat a few times...probably attempting to make conversation but then he thought better of it which L was grateful for. He wanted silence; he had to get himself ready for whatever was to come.

He felt anxious being outside in public in an unfamiliar place. It was fine going out and about in England, it felt like home especially since the Kira case...it was the only place he didn't fear showing his face.

But here...he was known from his reputation but the location was not familiar to him so already that had him feeling vulnerable. And she was here. Her being alive felt as though she was keeping Kira alive. Her obsessive infatuation with him will probably die with her. He'd never felt so anxious...; why couldn't see had just died?

The car came rolling to a stop. 'Um, we're here...' Matusuda announced quietly.

L looked out the window at a beautifully crafted manor. It had obviously been a home for a wealthy family some years ago...but now it was a mental institution.

It was too good for her he thought bitterly. She deserved to be behind bars, she wasn't mentally ill, she had always known exactly what she was doing as she had followed every order like a damned dog that Light had given out to her. She had killed without remorse and still remained loyal to Kira long after his death. She deserved execution.

After taking a deep breath he opened the door, 'Let's get this over with.'

* * *

L and Matsuda both stood behind Watari as he pressed the buzzer on the door. They waited until a voice greeted them in German...both L and Watari could speak fluent German so it just left Matsuda feeling a little lost.

After Watari had announced to the silver box who they were the door quickly buzzed allowing them entrance.

L looked around at the interior. It was lavish and smelt of wood and polish which surprised him as he was half expecting it to smell like a hospital.

There were numerous wooden carvings scattered everywhere along with wooden beams spreading across the high ceilings...it oddly reminded him of Wammy's...

There were people wondering around aimlessly dress in all the same uniform as they approached the huge wooden reception desk. It was painted with golden carvings and in the middle was a simple "welcome."

L had never visited a mental institution before as the footwork was mostly done by Watari to help keep his identity hidden. Because of this he felt severely out of place...more so than usual.

'Good morning gentleman, how may I help you?' Greeted the male receptionist with a smile.

Watari again stepped forward, 'Good morning, we are here to visit Miss Misa Armane, I believe she is expecting us.' Watari said speaking German fluently with ease.

The receptionist looked them over one by one...of course his eyes lingered on L...perhaps he sensed how uncomfortable he was.

'You are...the agents from Japan?' The receptionist asked now a little more seriously.

'Yes that's correct.' Watari said calmly.

'Very well, may I see some identification please?'

All three of them produced there I.D cards...Matsuda's was the only one that had his true identity on it.

'You have visited before agent Matsuda, is that correct?' The receptionist asks turning his attention onto Matsuda.

Matsuda looked to Watari for help which he did by nodding 'Yes.' Matsuda said with more composure L would have expected from him...usually it was a bumbling mess.

The receptionist looked at the three of them again before nodding, 'Very good, please make way you're up the stairs; her room is on the third floor, second from the end the guard will let you in. When you are finished come to the gate and security will let you out.' He said with a smile again...although L knew it was all a charade, he had been suspicious of them as soon as they walked through the door...probably due to hat L thought as they walked off towards the staircase.

This time Matsuda took the lead as he knew where he was going.

Before long they had been allowed through the metal gate at the entrance of the corridor and were now standing outside her room.

L turns to Watari, 'I want you to stay out here, she will already be...we don't know how unstable she is and I don't want her overwhelmed by the three of us.'

'Well then shouldn't I stay out here too?' Matsuda said taking off his shades quickly.

L had forgotten all about the shades and was thankful Matsuda had reminded him by taking his off. He slowly removed his own as he spoke, 'No, she may ask you to step out...in fact that is what am I expecting as she wants me alone...however she has seen you before and will know that you kept to your word therefore putting you back into her good graces...at least for the time being.'

'Why is that important?' Matsuda asks a little confused.

L looked at him still fearing for his life...if Misa ever found out it was he who shot Light she would kill him in a heartbeat...but of course he couldn't tell him that. 'Because we want to keep things as casual and as familiar as we can...plus having her make you leave the room will give her a sense of power and control to what she already has meaning she may be more arrogant, cocky and therefore more likely to open up about things more.'

Matsuda took a moment to let that all sink in then nodded reluctantly, he obviously hadn't wanted to see her again.

'Don't fret Matsuda, you'll do fine.' Watari said patting him on the shoulder before turning to L. 'As will you.'

'Come in.' Misa's high pitched voice sent physical shivers down his spine as well as déjà vu... he couldn't recall the last time he had seen her. All he remembered was that he had never stopped suspecting her. She had always been the second Kira to him.

He steadied himself and took a breath before opening the door.

He calmly stepped into the room with Matsuda close behind.

And there she was lying on her stomach on top of her bed, kicking her legs up like a schoolgirl flicking through a magazine without a care in the world.

She wore the same aqua blue uniform he noticed the others wearing downstairs...so they were all patients too? Then why was she locked away? It was a good thing though he thought.

Matsuda closed the door and they both stood there awaiting her to acknowledge them.

The walls were a blaring white making him wish he hadn't removed his shades.

Her room was nothing like the rest of the building. It was bare aside from a small, plastic bookcase, a chair, a bed, a beanbag and some papers and magazines that had been scattered everywhere. There was a door next to her bed, must be the bathroom.

The window though having bars on them was huge allowing a lot of light in...; it wasn't a small room...nothing like the dark and damp cell she deserved.

She finally turned around and sat up to face them and she smiled...the same way she used too, it was unnerving.

'L! You made it!' She giggled.

He frowned slightly; this wasn't the welcome he was expecting. However she did seem different. Her hair was down, she wore no makeup, her nails were bare and unpolished as were her toe nails. She looked dishevelled and her eyes...she was on some strong medication it seemed, her eyes seemed out of focus and manic almost.

'You did what I said Matsu, well-done! Guess you can go now.' She said still smiling.

Matsuda and L shared a look for a moment before Matsuda nodded to her and left leaving L with her alone.

'It's been a while...L. Lawliet.' She said suddenly her smile falling.

His heart skipped a beat, she knew his name? But somehow he already knew she would.

'Aren't you curious of how I know you're real name?' She asked tilting her head, studying him.

'I suppose nothing surprises me much anymore Miss Armane.' He said slowly.

She squinted a little before answering him, 'Why are you calling me Miss? I want you to call me Misa, we know each other well enough for first name basis don't ya think? And anyway it's not like we are in Japan anymore...we don't have to be so polite here.' She giggled.

He didn't answer her; he didn't know what to say.

'And by the way what's with this get up?' She said waving her hand motioning to his clothes, 'It doesn't suit you...you look like some sort of vampire.'

He cleared his throat feeling uncomfortable as he removed his hat but kept the coat on.

'Hmm well I guess that's a start.' She said turning around back to her magazine.

'Why I am here Misa?' He said quickly calling her by her first name.

'Because I sent for you that's why...oh and happy Valentine's day.' She giggled as she turned back to wink at him.

He fought back the urge to scowl at her; he had completely forgotten it was Valentine's Day...she had done this all on purpose meaning she must know of Lily. It was a petty thing only Misa would do.

'Well I am here, what do you want to talk to me about?' He asked feeling himself growing more impatient by the second.

She turned back around to him, 'I just wanted a little catch up...' She smirked in a way that made him furious.

'That's all?' He said.

'Careful L, it sounds like you didn't _want_ to come all this way just to see me.' She said fiddling with her nails.

'It's not as if we were ever friends Misa...you were under investigation the last time we saw each other.'

'Yes...and that's when you decided to kill the love of my life...that day you ruined everything.' She said darkly looking at home with such hate it almost burned into his chest.

He wasn't about to explain his actions to her, she would never side with him, Light was her life and her master, that's all she knew and ever wanted. He kept quiet.

After a few moments of staring him down she shook her head a little and smiled again. 'Anyway I've heard you haven't been doing very well L...nightmares keeping you up are they?' She smirked again.

His eyes widened, 'What do you know Misa?'

She snorted, 'As if I would tell you anything...but I guess since we are friends and all...I should be thanking you...'

'What? Thanking me? I don't understand.'

She got up and started pacing about, walking to one side of her room to the other in front of him; he followed her with his eyes, feeling always on edge.

'When you killed Light I thought that was it, my life is over and I tried to end it so I could join him, but...it wasn't my time yet and it didn't matter if he was dead because he never left me.' She twirled happily giggling to herself.

'He...never left?' He asked already knowing that was true, Light was still...present in this world somehow.

'yes, you see our love, mine and Light's is so strong not even death can separate us...so he came back to me and told me I have more to do before I can be with him forever, before I can join him in eternity.' She fanned herself like the ridiculous imbecile she was.

'You...speak with him? You see him? How? He is dead.' He had to ask her, had to keep her talking, he needed to know what she knew.

She stopped twirling and fanning herself and looked straight at him, he could see she was angry. 'I know he's dead! That's your fault but now I can be with him more than ever! He's attached to me and he won't leave me, ever!' She spun around again waving her arms in the air.

'How is that possible?' He asked desperate to know how.

She stopped and marched towards him with a crazed look in her eye, he prepared himself to fight her off.

'With this!' She said flinging her hand in front of his face.

His eyes took a moment to adjust and when they did they grew large with recognition. 'I-is that?' He asked knowing full well what it was...Matsuda had already warned him but it still hadn't prepared him for it.

She snatched her hand away and leapt back giggling, 'Yep! It's a piece of the Death Note, the one he used last.' She looked at it in her hand and stroked it.

'I don't understand Misa.' he said feeling the bile rising in his stomach. Whatever she was doing with it he knew it was the reason for Light's...presence in his life.

She rolled her eyes, 'It's quite simple really...I thought you would have got it by now seeing as you're the great L and all that.' She mocked but carried on when he didn't react.

'I don't know all the ins and outs of it but I know that because I have this Light stays with me and he can come and go as he pleases, this keeps him linked to our world and therefore linked with me.' She squealed happily, the noise went straight through his head making him wince a little.

'So Light...he is a Shinigami now?' He asked noticing her evil smirk as he asked it.

'Not to me...only to the people he hates.'

'How is that... ?' He scraped a hand through his hair, how was any of this possible. He had just wanted to believe it had been his mental state breaking down, he never wanted to believe that Light was still...around.

'He's told me all about you ya know?' She said putting her arms behind her back and rocking girlishly from side to side.

'What has he told you?' He didn't want to ask but he had to know...what did she know?

'Oh lots of things...but mainly he talks about Lily...and how he can't wait to have you both join him...well us.'

He knew it, she knows about Lily, this means everything she is talking about is true, Light is still connected to her and him; he is behind all of this.

She continues before he can speak, 'He still gets me to work hard for him...getting messages to that weirdo SHS was hard enough, I said I didn't want to do it because that meant I had to flirt with a trainee worker who smells. But he told me to trust him and that getting him on our side was the only way to get to you...and it worked didn't L?'

He couldn't believe it, she was the one...no she and Light were working together with SHS? 'You...you sent SHS after us? How?'

She huffed, 'I already told you, I let the trainee do some things...and then he let me contact SHS which was easy with Light's help, he is so amazing.'

So that's how SHS knew where to find him and how he kept escaping him at every turn. 'But... you killed him?' He said remembering the heart attack that ended SHS before his eyes.

She shrugged playing with her buttons, 'yeah so what? He had done what he was meant to do and Light told me to write down his name on here.' She held up the scrap piece of the Death Note.

'You know I almost wrote you and your girlfriend's name on here...' She cackled suddenly, 'I can't you believe YOU have a girlfriend! You're so weird and creepy...she must be too.'

He clenched his fists ready to throw himself at her.

'But yeah anyway, I saved a spot here but Light said not yet and that he had other plans for you two.'

'What plans? What do you mean?' He said in a rush.

'Now that would be telling wouldn't it?' She winked at him again.

He felt himself beginning to lose his composure, they were both working together to end him and end...Lily and was there nothing he could do to stop them.

'So if you weren't going to tell me anything of worth why send for me? What is the point of this?' He said through clenched teeth.

'I've told you lots of important stuff and when this is all over I get to be with Light forever! SO yeah I guess I want to say thank you and it was fun watching your face...ha ha you should see yourself, you're paler than before you walked in here!'

He scowled at her, shaking with rage.

'Light says everything is almost over...I don't have a lot of time left because my life was cut in half...twice for the eyes...so that's why everything is coming to an end soon...I wouldn't mind killing myself now so I can be with him but he says he still needs me to be here...I don't know why, but I trust him and I'll be patient.'

'He's just using you Misa...he always has done and he always will if you allow him to.'

She turned to him and glared at him, 'It doesn't matter what he does with me, he loves me and I love him and we are always going to be together, I gave myself to him to use and he gave me so much in return. I know I'll be joining him soon and so will you...so I guess I'll see you there...you can go now.' She waved him off.

'No wait, something doesn't make sense, how could you control everything within this room? Shinigami or not SHS knew things ...he even came to the house...took photos...there is something missing here...something doesn't add up.' He said trying to think back to everything.

'Ha ha here ya go again, always have to be the detective huh? Why can't you just accept that we have won? Light beat you L. Even though you killed him he still beat you and that makes you a pretty lousy detective if you ask me...'

He looked at her with a deathly glare now...he knew it surprised her by the way her arrogant expression dropped. 'No...he didn't win...he had help...he couldn't have done anything without that thing in your hand and your ridiculous devotion to him. You have all had help, Light had you and you had SHS which means...SHS has had someone aiding him...' His mind was going a million miles per second. Desperately trying to see who it was, rummaging through the fog of his mind...; who was the missing piece?

Misa started to become agitated, 'All I can say is that you better enjoy the time you have left, because it won't be long! Now get out or I'll call security.'

He stepped towards her making her back away quickly clutching onto the scrap of the Death note. He knew if he tackled her for it she would scream and alert security, he also knew she would have them take it from him and return it to her...but he could destroy it still.

She noticed him eyeing the piece in her hand, and quickly ran to her desk and grabbed a pen; she held it to the paper. 'Don't you even think about it, if you try anything I'll write her name...he's told me what it is...and you won't even get to say goodbye!' She yelled.

He froze in his tracks; a lie or not he couldn't risk Lily, he wouldn't survive the loss of her and she was the innocent in all of this.

It became clear to him that the only way they would live through this is to find the missing link. And he knew Misa wasn't it.

'It's over L.' She said tears streaming down her face.

He didn't understand the tears nor did he care. 'Not until the bells toll...and even then...' He didn't finish his sentence, instead he left pushing past Watari and Matsuda who followed quickly after him.

'Ryuzaki...what happened?' Watari said finding it difficult to keep up with his pace.

'Yeah L slow down...what did Misa say?' Matsuda said keeping up with him.

'She said enough, I have to get back to England...the answer is there...mine and Lily's life depend on me finding it.'

 **OOh la la, it's all go now!**  
 **Things are unravelling but there is still a mystery to be solved!**

 **Really hope you enjoyed this chap! It was really fun to write getting into that Misa's head again!**

 **Please leave me your lovely comments! Especially now that end in nigh! X**


	57. Chapter 57

**And so the truth comes out...** **Comments as you know my lovely's is always so apprieciated!** **Sorry for the delayed update...i've been unwell over the holidays...but I am back up and running now! ;)** **Hope you all are well! X**

* * *

She had been checking her phone almost every half an hour. It was driving her mad. What had gone on? Would he still be there? She wondered as she glanced at the clock. It was two in the afternoon, still no word. She knew they had to be there early...but...they say no news is good news...right?

She went out seeing the children...they always seemed to brighten her mood no matter what they were doing.

She could hear Roger raising his voice from down the corridor, 'Will you all please settle down now... you will have your chance to speak...'

Lily smiled wondering what sort of subjects they taught the children here, somehow she couldn't imagine them learning about the generic subjects all children learnt at public schools... No Wammy's was different...one only had to spend just a little amount of time with the children and teens here to realise how different and extraordinary they were.

She took her time passing the classroom to have a peak within...there were only seven students in the class...and the only ones she recognised was Eve and Quinn.

The pair both caught her eye and smiled, Lily quickly returned their smile before making her way down the rest of the long corridor.

She was beginning to remember where some of children's rooms were...she knew she was coming up to Soot's so she quietly knocked on the door.

'Yeah?' He called out.

'Hey Soot its Lily, can I come in?'

He was at the door in an instant and opened it up with a smile on his face. 'Hey Lily...I was just about to ask Roger if someone could take me into the city...I want to buy a new guitar.' He smiled again, his eyes shining with excitement.

'Oh yeah? Well it just so happens I was looking for something to do as I'm going crazy just waiting for L, Watari and Matsuda to come back...so I don't mind taking you? Plus I've never been guitar shopping, sounds awesome.' She winked at him.

'You will? You're cool you know that.' He said coming out of his room and shutting the door. 'Do you know when they will be back?' He asked.

Lily shrugged, 'No...I haven't heard from any of them, they are most likely on the plane... I'm hoping. I'm sure L will give me a call when they are home.' She hoped by the time they returned from London they would already be at home so no more waiting around.

They proceeded to walk back down the corridor passing the class of debaters.

'When do you have class?' Lily inquired.

Soot flicked his hair from his eyes, 'This afternoon...I am not one for debating.'

'Ah so...do you pick and choose the subjects you're interested in?'

'Yeah something like that...except for the ones who are next in line to take over from L...they have to do everything Watari and Roger say...I'm glad it's not me.' He chuckled.

'Hmm interesting, I didn't see Near in there though.' She thought back to the faces she had seen.

'No point...no one ever beats Near...he is too ruthless and just...well...' He scrunched up his face trying to find the words.

'What?' She smiled at his expression.

'He's too much like L...so it's no fun debating or going up against them with anything...they are just too smart.'

Lily laughed, 'Yeah they are but everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.'

He snorts as they walk down the stairs, 'I doubt Near or L have any.'

'Well...they aren't great when out in public and you have probably noticed they aren't the best conversationalists...not when it's regarding everyday life...or feelings. However L has become a lot more talkative I think anyway...I don't know if you have noticed?'

He shrugs as he pulls on his coat from the huge downstairs dressing room made only for coats and shoes. 'Yeah I guess so...but then I don't spend a lot of time with him...you and Watari are the ones who see him the most, he's like a shadow.'

'That's a fitting description of him..; would you want to spend more time with him?' She asked truly interested to know.

'Yeah I mean if he was up for playing with the band some more...or even just with me...you've seen what he's like on the guitar, he's amazing...' He said with a fond smile.

It was obvious that Soot idolised L...a lot of the Wammy's kids did, she wished he'd spend more time with them...they would love it.

'Well I will have a word...maybe he will change his mind if I ask him nicely.' She winked at him.

He laughed 'Yeah that would be great; girls know how to get their way...I've recently found that out...' He said with a slight blush.

'Hey! Miss Lily! Where are you going?' Kiki yelled out thundering towards her.

'Hello sweetie, we are just popping into the city.' She said throwing on her own red coast and tying the belt up tightly.

'Can I come? I have some more pictures to develop.' She smiled up at her.

Soot huffed, 'Kiki you have a red room all you yourself, what's the point in getting them developed anywhere else? ...plus you have to pay for that where it's free here.'

'I like going out, I like the city it's fun.' She said with her hands on her hips like a little madam.

'Okay well if you hurry and get your shoes and coat on you can come along.' Lily said wrapping a scarf around her own neck.

'Yay! I'll be really fast you just watch.' She said running quickly into the dressing room behind them.

Lily turned back towards Soot who let out a heavy sigh. Lily smiled and began wrapping his scarf around his neck that he hadn't yet done. 'Come on cheer up...didn't you see her face, she's adorable.'

Soot allowed her to wrap him up nice and warm while cocking an eyebrow at her, 'She may be to you, but she's so clingy...especially with me and Near...she doesn't leave us alone.'

'So? You're like her big brothers...and that's special in a little girl's eyes...I wish I had a big brother.' She said ruffling his hair that he immediately starting straightening out again making Lily laugh.

'Yeah well I don't like it that much...but I guess I can deal with it, you're with us so she will cling onto you more.' He smirked.

* * *

He had been pacing around like a crazed animal all day.

When were they coming back? He had already received the heads up from _her_ in Germany...so they must be on their way back soon...he knew that spoilt bastard will be desperate to get back to her...shame she had already left with the other two brats.

He smirked evilly, he won't even get to say goodbye to her because it was today, this was the day he was going to do it, he had been planning this with her and SHS for months and now finally...all his hard work...all the yes sirs and no sirs will have all been worth it.

And if luck wasn't already on his side Kenzo had also left for the temple in the early hours of the morning...it seemed that he could actually pull this off with the dwindling number of residents at Wammy's.

His breath hitched as the house phone began to ring. He barged into Roger's office and picked it up.

'Hello Wammy's School for the gifted.' He answered as smoothly as he could manage.

'Bertram? Where is Roger?' Watari asked on the other line.

'Oh good afternoon sir, he is holding class at the moment...would you like me to fetch him?' He said praying he wouldn't.

'Ah yes of course, it's the big debate today isn't it...must have slipped my mind. Err no, thank you Bertram just tell him we were delayed this morning due to heavy rain but we are in the air now and should be landing in an hour or so, I am using the planes' phone as none of us have any battery left on our mobiles...it was quite the rush this morning.'

'Very good sir I shall inform him just as soon as class is over, have a safe flight, goodbye sir.' He said feeling bile rise in his stomach, he couldn't wait for all this to be over and so it would...very soon.

As soon as he put the receiver down he smirked and picked it up again, it only rung once before someone answered. 'Yeah?'

'It's time.'

* * *

London was as busy as ever but thankfully Soot and Kiki never left her side.

She thought if she should hold Soot's hand but the crowds didn't seem to bother him, nor did it seem to bother Kiki who had a smile permantely printed onto her little face while she looked and gazed at everything they passed.

She had to remember that every child was different and Soot was a young teenager, confident and nothing like Near. Plus she doubted he would appreciate her trying to hold his hand...he would most likely be mortified.

She didn't know where suddenly all this maternal instincts where coming from as she was sure she had close to none. But she really cared for these children and wanted to protect them and it felt good.

'Here we are!' Soot said finally, it felt as if they had been walking for an hour.

They entered the shop and gawked at the most beautiful instruments that were scattered everywhere. No matter what they were, pianos, flutes, violins and guitars they all seemed to sparkle and shine.

Lily looked at Soot; his eyes were shining just the like instruments. She giggled. 'You're in heaven huh?'

He nodded, 'Yeah...total bliss.' He said as he began to shop around heading straight for the guitars.

Kiki squealed and let go of Lily's hand as she ran towards a beautiful, white grand piano. 'This is so beautiful; it's the sort of piano a princess would play.' She said as she jumped up onto the seat and begun to play "once upon a dream."

'My god Kiki, you play beautifully.' Lily said as she stood next to the piano watching Kiki's little hands effortlessly play the keys in beautiful and fluid motions.

Not before long Kiki had an audience and in that moment, not knowing the reason why Lily felt so proud of her. She was confident and completely lost in the music. Lily couldn't stop smiling.

'Oh she's at it again is she?' She heard Soot's voice beside her.

'What do you mean?'

He stepped beside her and smirked watching Kiki with amusement, 'Kiki always gets a crowd, no matter what she does, that's just one of her gifts I guess.'

Lily could believe it, Kiki just seemed that sort of child. 'Yeah...perhaps she should join your band?' She smirked at him.

He snorted again, 'Not likely, she will take all the attention away from me.'

Lily laughed nudging him playfully with her arm. She looked down and noticed he was holding a red acoustic guitar. 'Is that the one you wanted?' She asked.

He looked down at his hand and held it up, 'Well not exactly...I came here wanting just an electric one but...well...I've always wanted my own acoustic so...here she is.' He smiled strumming it.

'Beautiful sound.' She said.

'Yeah I know right? Once I heard her sing well...I fell in love.'

'Better not let Eve hear you say that...she might become jealous.' Lily said smirking.

He cleared his throat bashfully, 'Well nothing can compare to her...but this comes close.'

* * *

Finally they were in the car on their way home, he didn't want to admit it but it had been agony not being able to call or even text Lily...

He Watari and Matsuda had hardly any time to do anything this morning with the meeting with Misa and all..., then the plane...then the phones. It was as if this was all planned.

He had hardly spoken a word to either Matsuda or Watari. All he could think about was Misa's threats and Lily...why did they have to bring her into all this? He was sure after SHS died she would be safe. But in truth he had always had the feeling that it wasn't over...that the threat and suffering wasn't truly over yet...he just wanted to believe it was.

Thankfully the sun was shining back in the UK but it was cold still.

He shivered as they exited the car and walked up towards the house. Oddly enough Bertram wasn't at the door to greet them. L frowned as he waited a moment for the old butler to make his way to it.

He lost patience and pulled out the front door key opening the door.

'Odd...where is Bertram?' Watari said as they walked into the warm but quiet house.

L looked around it was very quiet...too quiet. 'Where is everyone?' He said looking around at the staircase and the landings above it. They would usually have been swamped by children by now.

'I'm sure they are all amusing themselves in one way or another remember they didn't know what time to expect us.' Watari said taking everyone's coast off of them and putting them into the dressing room. 'Matsuda why don't you come with me and we can begin herding them all in.'

'Yeah sure Watari, I'm great with kids.' Matsuda smiled as he joined Watari's side.

Watari looked back to L, 'You have work to do...don't worry when I find Lily I'll send her to you, I'm sure she is around somewhere.'

L nodded not really wanting to go straight to work...not before seeing her. But he knew he was running out of time and the strange atmosphere in the house had him feeling incredibly on edge.

He turned and walked to the computer room and closed the door behind him. What was he even looking for? Where did he start? Misa hardly gave anything away...she was just waiting she said...waiting for what? For whom? Who would work alongside SHS? Who else knew of his location?...As far as he was aware no one knew...

SHS would have never found it on his own...he wasn't smart enough.

He exhaled, it didn't want to think about it but he couldn't deny it any further. Light the Shinigami was real...he had been aiding SHS all this time along with Misa. It was all confirmed when he saw the look in her eye, she hadn't been lying.

She could still see him and it was because of the last piece of the Death Note she had still in her possession. He didn't want to know how it all worked because for one thing it was ludicrous and still...after everything was so difficult to believe. His rational mind was constantly battling with this supernatural world he had been thrown into. In all his years of being L he had never, ever expected to have to accept the supernatural was real. He thought if that day ever came it would bring up more questions he would want answering but no...he was done with it, he didn't want to acknowledge this side to life anymore...he didn't understand it and didn't want too.

He wiped a hand down his face as he waited for the computer and monitors to come alive; he plugged in his phone to the tower and turned it on, at least he could text Lily now as it may take a while for Watari to find her in this mansion.

He began to think again how all this time...he hadn't been hallucinating...although he had known it all along...he knew it was Light...he knew he was still here.

But he hadn't been seeing or feeling anything much lately...why was that? Why wouldn't Light come to him all the time? Why didn't he invade his thoughts and mind as much as before? Could he be weakening somehow? How on earth do you stop a Shinigami!

He banged his head down onto his desk and kept it there, he was completely at a loss...he had never felt so completely useless...for the first time he didn't know what to do, he didn't have a plan.

He didn't know how long he had been lying there when someone knocked at his door. 'Yes?' He called out, his voice muffled from the desk squashing his cheek.

'Tea sir?'

L sat up, 'Bertram? Come in.' He said typing his password into the computer and taking his phone into his hand ready to text Lily.

He heard the butler shuffling in, the familiar sounds of clanging coming from the tray he was holding.

Bertram placed the tray beside him in its usual spot; L couldn't deny how much he had been craving a good cup of tea.

'Thank you...' He said beginning to pour out his tea and then plop in the numerous sugar cubes into it. He gave it a quick stir...he hadn't missed the fact that Bertram hadn't left; he was still there, hovering behind him.

'Bertram?' He asked casually.

'Yes sir?'

'Where were you when we arrived? It was unusual for you not to be there to greet us.' He said calmly putting down the spoon onto the saucer before lifting the cup to his lips.

'Ah well forgive me sir I was seeing to something on the other side of the house and I didn't hear you arrive, please accept my apologies.'

'It's fine.' L said taking a gulp of tea finding it wasn't very hot, he began to type his message to Lily.

He flinched as a sharp taste suddenly attacked his tongue. 'Bertram...is this another brand of tea? The flavour seems off.' He asked looking down into his cup.

There were a few moments before Bertram answered and when he did his voice had changed dramatically, it was much deeper. 'Well that would be because I have made it much stronger this time around sir...'

L froze with the realisation that something had been put into his tea...if it was poison it may already too late for him.

He physically calmed down his racing heart as that would only aid pumping the poison quicker through his body.

He heard shuffling from behind him as Bertram walked closer.

He kept as calm as possible and slowly continued typing his message to Lily...

A wave of dizziness suddenly overcame him and then laughter...that unearthly laugher of the Shinigami entered his mind, it was so loud.

Bertram chuckled as he swivelled L around on his chair to face him. 'Seems I may have miscalculated, I wanted you to at least be conscious for this.' He bent down and slowly pinched the phone from L's fingers. 'Now now we don't want anything to disturb us...you're pretty little Lily has gone out for the day so we have plenty of time'

His arms were heavy; he couldn't even stop Bertram from taking his phone and watched helplessly as the butler threw it against the wall smashing it to pieces. Still he was fighting the...drug?...poison? With everything he had. He just had to keep him talking; he had to prolong whatever Bertram had in store for him. He couldn't believe it was Bertram, all this time, right under his nose.

Although he may have pulled the hood over everyone's eyes all this time he still wasn't as sharp as he may have thought as he completely ignored the fact that a message had already been sent before he had taken his phone from him.

'W-why...Bertram? Why do this?' L asked fighting to keep his head up.

Bertram's eyes flashed with anger as he pulled out a gun from his waistcoat and pointed it directly towards L. 'I've always thought everyone had given you far too much credit...I mean let's face it sir...you hadn't expected this at all...the poor, old little Bertram...loyal house servant. No, you're ego and arrogance always kept yourself on a pedestal, never once thinking that anyone who worked under you...who could show you loyalty could ever betray you...seems that ego of yours worked in my favour.' He smirked evilly.

L coughed, he couldn't hold it back, 'Still...' He gritted out his body now feeling numb, 'You haven't answered my question, I asked you w-why.' He didn't have time to gasp with horror with the realisation that Bertram was the missing link, that he was aiding Misa and Light to destroy him.

Bertram scowled at him and suddenly hit him hard across the face the gun. Thankfully the drug had numbed a lot of his senses...but the wave of nausea and dizziness that came from the blow was almost too much to bear...he could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness at any moment.

'Watari obviously brought you up with no manners boy. You have to learn to be patient, all will be revealed...but not here...we don't want all this expensive equipment to be ruined now.'

L's eyes widened as they caught sight of a shadow in the corner of the room, it was him...his blood ran cold.

With his will to fight L gathered every ounce of strength he had left as he kicked out his leg sweeping Bertram off from is feet and landing with a thump banging his head in the process.

L then lunged for the door but his body simple fell to the floor winding him a little. The laughter from the Shinigami came closer...he was enjoying this.

He crawled on his belly as fast as he could. He reached up to the door handle and began to turn it.

A loud bang and footsteps sounded above him making him stop and listen...oh god...the children, Watari...could Bertram have?'

That was the last thought he had before he was pulled back into darkness, his body finally giving up.

* * *

Lily had frozen in place in the middle of the photo store.

Her heart dropped as she re-read the message L had sent her not too long ago: _Hello my darling I'm back and was wondering where you are,,,,, Lily betraaam posin me...call pooolice...don't come back to houuuse_

What the hell? Bertram poisoned? What? 'Oh shit...' She said and began to call the police. 'Soot! Kiki come one we have to go now.' She called to them as she walked outside to the front of the store.

' _Hello which department do you need_?'

'Police please.' She said trembling.

Soot and Kiki came rushing after her, 'What's going on Lily?' Soot asked concerned. Kiki was gripping onto his side when she noticed the terror in Lily's eyes.

'Something has happened at Wammy's...' She begun before the police answered on the line, ' _Hello what is you emergency_?'

'Yes hello...I want to report a poisoning and a possible hostage situation...please you have to hurry...' She said trembling still.

' _Are you in danger yourself? What is the address_?'

'It's at Wammy's school for the gifted in Winchester, I received a text from one of its residents saying he's been poisoned, please send the police now and an ambulance!' She yelled not caring who in the street heard her.'

' _Alright please calm down miss we have dispatched a squad already can I take your name please_?'

She grabbed Kiki's hand who in turn grabbed Soot's and began marching them down back towards the car park where the driver was waiting. 'My name is Lily Everly, please tell them to hurry, he could be...if he's been poisoned...' She began to break down but kept walking, she had to get back to him.

' _Calm down miss, we are doing everything we can; can you tell me more about the situation? What exactly did the message say_?'

Jesus if they told her to calm down one more time! 'It just said his Butler Bertram has poisoned him and to call the police, that's all he managed to send I'm guessing.' Did that mean he was unconscious now? Or had Bertram...

'What? Bertram!' Soot yells out horrified.

Kiki began to cry.

Lily ignored them and was so thankful when they reached the carpark. She hurried them back into the car and took the front passengers seat. 'Please drive as fast as you can back to Wammy's!' She said to the driver. 'It's an emergency.'

* * *

L kept falling in and out of consciousness. He could have sworn at one point he was being pulled down some stairs causing his body to bang painfully down onto each step as he was dragged down.

The times where he wasn't conscious he was in the darkness again with Light looming over him, but instead of torturing him or showing him something horrific as he had done in the past, he just stood there laughing and grinning with his malicious and grotesque smile...as if he were waiting for something.

It was hard to make heads or tails of where he was and what was happening to him. Whatever it was that Bertram had given him it was very potent.

He winced as he felt something constricting itself around his body...he began to shiver...his body was already reacting badly to whatever it was inside him.

He flinched as his face was smacked...he cracked open his eyes...the smack had brought him back to some of his senses. He noticed he had been tied to a chair with rope.

'Good you're awake...I won't have you slipping away as I tell you what's and why's.' Bertram chuckled.

L just had to take one look around him to realise they were in the basement... He tried to speak but no words were formed, his lips were numb and his dizziness kept him from focusing.

'Firstly I'll inform you of what's happened to the rest of household as I know you're dying to know...well they are all safe so there is no need to worry, they are being held back by professionals...and if they don't do anything rash then they will be spared...this has nothing to do with them...it's all about you.'

A breath of relief left L's lungs...at least they are alive...he thought.

'So...coming back to your earlier question..., why?' Bertram dragged a wooden stall and placed it front of him, sitting himself onto it, gun still pointing at L's head. 'It night all become clear when I say the name...Constance.'

L's heart froze for a moment...Constance? What on earth did she have to do with any of this? He lifted his head with great effort and looked at Bertram... still he couldn't say anything.

Bertram smirked evilly, 'I knew that would peak you're interest and since you have been so patient...I'll let you in on a little secret...' He leant in a little closer, the gun almost touching L's head. 'I'm her grandfather.'

L's eyes widened with horror...his body stilled from its shivering with shock... 'W-w-what?' He managed to stammer out.

'I think you heard me being that you're so sharp and what not...but it's true I am her grandfather which brings us to this very moment; L...you're going to die today for killing her.


	58. Chapter 58

**Hello everyone.** **I am sorry for the long wait for this chaoter but I had to move house and settle in etc...** **This is a sad chapter...i won't give anything away but i'm just warning you. I was almost crying myself while writing it...epscially at the end of it.** **Really hope you enjoy still.**

* * *

Constance's Grandfather? How could that be? When Bertram had applied for the position of head butler at Wammy's there was no mention of him ever being related to Constance...

He wanted to ask a hundred questions but he could feel his body slowly shutting down. The numbness had claimed his legs, torso and arms...he was afraid this might be it for him, that he had finally been outsmarted by someone he trusted.

Bertram sat back onto the stool in front of him...still aiming the gun at his head, L however doubted the old butler would shoot him at least not just yet; he knew Bertram wanted him to know everything and the butler would be correct...though he just hoped he was alive long enough to hear it...he may be dying but he hated an unfinished story, it irritated him.

'I imagine you have many questions being the detective you are but I gather the toxins are working their magic in your system now...so we don't have much time.' Bertram chuckled and looked above him seeming to listen out for anyone that may be approaching... 'that little tart of yours is probably on her way back soon so we really must get a move on...shame really...I wanted to make you suffer for longer; the plane being delayed didn't helped.'

He looked back at L again and grinned slightly, 'So how was your meeting with Miss Armane? I am sure it was enlightening...hopefully she didn't spoil anything for you but I guess from your reaction to me being Constance's Grandfather you had no idea.' He laughed and shook his head. 'I realise it may be a little egotistical but I do feel a surge of pride knowing I managed to plan all of this from right under your nose...with a little help from my friends of course.'

L wanted to scream he had no friends; that Misa, SHS or even Light would never see him as an equal and he was just a pawn in their game. But even if he tried he wouldn't be able to form any words...he would only groan and drool like an infant.

Bertram's face fell then, 'I know what you're thinking...and I agree...they might have been using me to get at you but in the end that's what we all wanted because you L, you destroy lives, destroy innocents and people who deserved love and care; something you could never ever give.' He snarled at him before continuing, 'Constance trusted you and you betrayed her, left her to the wolves and trust me don't I will not allow Mello and Suri to get away with the part they played in her death...their time will come too. But if it weren't for you being such a weak and monster of a human you would have made sure she was safe, you would have cared for her and took her under your wing the way you were supposed too!' He yelled angrily and kicked L's shin hard causing him to hiss with pain.

Bertram got up and began walking from side to side...L could see he was finding it hard to reel back his anger.

'I never got on with Constance's mother..., when my son died Constance went to stay with her and the family cut me out of her life. For years I attempted to contact her, asking her to meet me in private just so I could talk to her and to make sure that none of the rumours or stories that her mother was telling her were getting through to her...I had to make her understand that she was the only link I had left to my son.

But alas Constance never met me. I will never know if it was because her mother would intercept the letters and destroy them or perhaps Constance just didn't want anything to do with me. I hoped she would have remembered me even if she was just a child when I last saw her before her mother snatched her back.'

L's back was aching, his whole body was shaking and shivering...he knew he was in a bad way but he wanted to hear this...he had to listen to the end.

Bertram stopped in front of him and carried on, 'But when I found she had been invited here after her mother had been killed in a car collision I saw that as my chance, even if she only knew me as the Butler it was enough for me...plus I always made sure she had everything she could ever need...but that was all in vain because the she grew up and her eyes wondered to Mello and then you...' He sneered at L; never hiding the contempt in is voice or expression.

'We all know what happened and how you failed to protect by beloved granddaughter, how you just allowed her to run off on her own, you knew as well as I once she ran off into the blackness of the grounds she wouldn't be found unless she wished it. I tried to run after her after you gave up so early. I even went back for a torch and scoured the grounds, I never thought she would go as far as the gardens, not in the pitch black...she had always been afraid of the dark...' His eyes stood still, a haunted expression suddenly falling over his features.

'Why did she have to give her heart away to beasts like you and that degenerate Mello? She was always out of your depths...but that didn't stop either of you...; you're men after all and the worst kind for that matter.' He looked at L up and down again sneering at him with disgust.

L could nothing but listen to the hateful words coming from Bertram's mouth. His stomach twisted listening as the man placed him in the same category as Mello; what even was he insinuating? He would never use Constance like Mello had; he had also never been interested in Constance in that way.

Surely Bertram would have realised that; he has been part of Wammy's for so long, he should know he would never have done anything to hurt her. All he had ever wanted was for Constance to mature so she could see Mello's real intentions and then she could focus on who she was and what she wanted to do.

Bertram sighed loudly bringing L's dazed focus back to him, 'But I digress...she was doomed from the moment she stepped foot in here. She was always going to be disappointed because no matter how intelligent or capable she seemed she would never win over Watari's golden boys...; her life was always going to be a tragedy.' He wipes a tear from his eye before looking back at him. 'So now here we are...' He gets up and grips onto L's hair pulling his head up roughly to face him.

The pain was almost unbearable that tears formed in his eyes...it must be because of toxins...his body was numb but it was hypertensive to physical contact. He moans out in pain.

Bertram smiles down at him coldly and seemed to be taking great pleasure in watching him in pain, 'excruciating isn't it?' He chuckles watching as L struggles against his grip.

'It's amazing what mixing the right plants can give you...I never pretended to understand when SHS told me his plan, nor did I ask questions when I went and picked up the concoction at the medicine shop, all I know is that whatever it is...it has worked like a dream.' He pushed down L's head roughly almost causing him loose his balance. He then goes to sit himself back onto the stool.

L struggles with the nausea that had suddenly hit him...he never wanted to feel pain like that again.

'It was easy at first...drugging your food...you're a creature of habit after all; but when that tart Miss Everly came along and you two became close...that's when it became tricky. I had to make sure I wouldn't drug her food as well as yours...sometimes it happened but thankfully because the Shinigami only wanted you it never let's say showed itself to her...; I know how it all works you see but I was never much interested in that side of things.' He shrugged seeming to think back.

'I was still sceptical about the supernatural aspect of it all but then I noticed how your behaviour began to change and how delightfully terrified and drained you looked. I shall never forget the feeling of absolute joy when I heard you scream out from a night terror...I would listen out sometimes, placing my face against your door when I knew for certain you were asleep.' He grinned shaking his head with amusement.

L shook his head in disbelief, who was this malicious and suspected psychopath sitting before him? He couldn't make heads or tails of any of it and it wasn't just from the toxins...how could he have missed all of this?

He had only started to suspect Bertram was acting a little strange only a few days ago; but it was just too little too late. And now not only he but the whole of Wammy's was going to pay for his blindness and carelessness.

He opened his mouth to say something but instead of words a groan of pain escaped his lips as a sharp, cutting sensation seemed to slice through his stomach. He looked down with watery eyes expecting to see blood spilling out over the floor, but there was nothing.

Bertram chuckled, 'Oh my seems the toxins are really beginning to eat their way through you...well I knew this moment couldn't go on forever, alas it will be a shame to end it so soon.'

He got up and rubbed the gun with the end of his coat, he was polishing it.

L gritted his teeth in a snarl, this was it...his time was up and again for maybe the second time in his life he feared it, he feared death.

Bertram chuckled again still looking down at the gun as he polished it until it shone. 'I could hardly believe how blessed I was when SHS contacted me...and then getting a call from Miss Armane herself...well...I was in awe. Our combined hate for you was the driving force behind of all of this.' He again aimed the gun at him but this time he had prepared it to fire.

'I do hope I made things as clear as I could like I said I was hoping to have a little more time with you but seeing as your are so malnourished and weak the toxin hasn't needed as much time as I had thought to begin shutting you down.'

L could feel his body shutting down but he began pulling at his binds, it was hopeless of course but he didn't want it to end like this, with him pathetic and unable to even fight for his life...none of this was fair and it was ending all too soon.

'Any last words detective? You know as cliché as that sounds it is actually very satisfying to ask.' Bertram snickers to himself obviously finding the entire scene amusing...he had truly lost his mind.

He looked Bertram in the eye, lifting his head as much as he could manage.

If this was really the end...then he wouldn't give the old man any satisfaction by pleading for his life...

He had a feeling even though Bertram had been driven to insanity from the loss of his granddaughter and then consumed by revenge he wouldn't harm anyone else, he only really wanted him. Everything else he believed was empty threats. It wouldn't be an easy task going after Mello and Suri, not when everyone finds out that it was he who had aligned with SHS and Misa.

At least Lily would know what had transpired from the text he had managed to send her before Bertram had tied him up. He knew Lily would never allow Bertram to get away with any of this...justice would be served to him in the end.

He gulped back painfully as he thought of Lily...how she would react knowing she hadn't got here in time to save him. The thought of her blaming herself was unbearable...how could he leave her with this thought? He prayed she wouldn't think it, he prayed she would mourn as anyone else would do and one day move on with her life; with Watari's help...he knew she would be alright...they would all comfort each other.

Bertram snarled down at him as he noticed a small smile tugging at his lips. 'What the hell are you smiling about?' He exploded suddenly hitting him across the face with the gun so hard that he flew from the chair falling to the ground. 'You're more disturbed than I originally gave you credit for. The world will be a better place without you...you deserve to rot alongside that demon.'

Bertram's voice was a gurgled mashing of words to him now. He could feel his head dampening from what was to assume was blood from the blow he had received.

As he heard the distorted footsteps of Bertram approaching him he closes his eyes and prepares himself for the end.

He feels the point of the cold gun pushing down into his head...he held his breath...ready.

He flinches as a wailing noise suddenly fills the room.

'What? The police but how?' Bertram stammers looking up and around him.

He looks down towards him on the floor, 'What the hell did you do!' He screams as he kicks him hard in the stomach.

His body begins to convulse slightly leaving him now completely immobilised. The pain was excruciating...he had never felt anything like it.

A shriek and another yell suddenly pierce his ears. The floor thunders against his head...he was sure the ground had opened up to swallow him down into the pits of hell.

'No!' Someone screams...he knew who that someone was...; if he hadn't been in such agony he would have yelled out her name...he couldn't believe she was here.

A monstrous crash causes his heart to jump, then the room is filled with the sounds of grunts and stammering of feet. He knew she had come...he knew she was fighting him...but he couldn't help.

'L!' A child yells, he wants to cry out as he feels little hands grip onto his head pulling it up upon their lap. 'Shhh...It's okay.' She said with such fear in her voice it made him groan out. None of this would be okay...not when she was alone...fighting him.

Another loud thud as someone hits the floor, the child screams before the gun shots ring out through his pounding head, then another soon follows.

The child continues wailing as the room grows deathly quiet and his eyes can no longer stay open...they close leaving only the abyss waiting for him.

* * *

A flashing of lights glare at him before he plunges back into the darkness. He didn't care that the light had stung his eyes...he wanted it back.

His body felt numb still but not like before. He also wasn't cold anymore and felt lighter.

He opens his eyes to a grey landscape, full of sand...or dust matching the same colour as everything else.

He groans as he sits himself up to kneeling. He fingers the sand lightly with his fingertips, drawing a swirl.

He closed his eyes for a moment...as he realised where he was. Dread completely over took his body. He wanted to sob but no tears formed...was he truly...dead?

'I can answer that...'

L's back suddenly shoots up straight, freezing him in place. That voice, that blood curdling voice...it could only belong to one person. 'So this was your plan all along...you wanted me dead...so I can rot here...with you.' He whispered; his throat felt scratched as if he had swallowed a mouthful of the grey sand.

The voice answered him from behind again causing him to inwardly shiver as he laughed, 'Even if it were I have to thank you for making it so easy for me...without your ego and obsessive will to beat me...it would have been much harder.'

L clenched his hand with fury but instead he chuckled, 'So this was all my doing...' He said as he stood up and faced the monster standing behind him.

He was taken back a little as the sight in front of him wasn't what he expected...instead of the Shinigami that had haunted his dreams and mind...Light Yagami stood in his stead. He had a dirtied white shirt on and smart black slacks...similar to the ones he wore when they shot him down.

L sneered at him, just looking at his smug face filled him with rage, he wasn't scared anymore. If he was going to remain in this realm...with him...he would make sure Light knew he would never have dominion over him. He would not become Light's subordinate.

He begins to stride towards him, 'you're going to wish you had left me alone, I'm not going to make this easy for you.'

Light smirks evilly at him, 'that's a relief because before now it's been pretty boring...I look forward to the challenge...L. Lawliet.' He flashes his teeth as his evil grin makes itself known.

It didn't take long for L to reach him with his fist colliding with that smug face before the monster had a chance to dodge.

Light stumbles back; wiping the grey dust that had began to drip from his nose. 'Not bad...but I feel I must tell you, we don't feel anything here...this could go on for a while.'

'I'm dead...I have nothing else I would want to do than to beat you for an eternity.' He says as he quickly kicks out with his leg, colliding his foot with Light's jaw.

Light grunts but then laughs mid air as black, withered wings shoot out from his back lifting him up on the air above him.

'Now that you're dead and we are here, alone together I suppose I can finally admit something to you.' He says casually as he swoops down kicking out with both his legs against L's back causing him to fly across the ground.

Light casually circles him in the air, 'You once told me I was your only friend.' He began.

L spits out sand from his mouth and stands watching him fly up and around him, 'You do realise that was a deception to test how you would react...but being that you're a sociopath with no empathy...it didn't surprise me when you still proceeded in your task to kill me.'

'You were always in my way, but it saddens me a little to hear that it was all lie from your side...because I believe if circumstances were different you and I could have been the very best of friends.'

L scowled at him, but he couldn't deny that Light had a point. For that exact thought had entered his mind on a few occasions when he and Light had both been hunting down Kira together. He never wanted to admit it at the time but he and Light had made a superb team and he had grown accustomed to having Lights help.

'This is all pointless. Why speak of friendship when you have destroyed everything in my life that was good. You have taken me away from a life I wanted to live. I've never had that. Not even when I continuously solved cases one by one, over and over again did I ever feel truly fulfilled.' He heard his own voice beginning to crack as the realisation of his plight truly began to sink in. He was stuck here, with this monster and he had lost everything.

'Now you know how it feels!' Light suddenly screamed down at him, his eyes had turned a blood red. 'YOU took everything away from me! I was Kira, the god of the new world and you...LAWLIET took that from me. And for what? Justice?' He laughs manically.

L clenches his fist, the sound of that laugh infuriated him but he couldn't help the feeling of dread.

Light composes himself, flapping his huge, black wings to stabilize himself, 'But I suppose I should thank you because now I am a god of death and with my connection still linked to the living world I can come and go as I please, killing anyone who dares go against the name Kira. And you...you will always be here, you're hatred for me will grow and soon you will rot and become a heartless creature that craves the lives of the living...you won't love anyone...anymore... and that is how I know I have won.'

L wanted to scream and rip out that damned tongue from his mouth...but instead a nauseating realisation hit him...; Light was right and there was nothing he or anyone could do to help. He would soon forget everyone he had ever cared about. He would forget their faces, their voices...and he would forget her touch, her kiss, her smell.

He fell back to his knees, he wanted to weep...he wanted to weep for the eternity of darkness he was doomed to.

His flung his head up as the sound of Light's laugh suddenly turned into yells of pain.

He watched Light clutch at his chest as he began to fall from the air, heading in his direction.

L hadn't managed to move quick enough as Light crashed into him flying them both across the ground.

L scrambled up to his feet as he watched Light yell out and begin to morph back into this grotesque Shinigami form.

The monster looked at his hands... 'What? Why? I didn't will it...' He muttered to himself in a panic.

L frowned not truly understanding what was going on.

'Light?' A voice he recognised immediately sounded from behind them. They both turn towards it to find Misa walking towards them slowly. She was still dressed in her hospital outfit...but she looked...deathly white.

She looked at L then quickly focused her attention to the monster in front of her. However instead of cowering in fear she squealed with joy as she charged at him and threw her arms around his neck, holding him to her.

'Oh Light, I'm here, finally we can be together forever, just like you promised! I was so worried when I didn't hear from you again but then I thought this must of been your way of telling me it's over, it's all done...so here I am.'

Light growled and threw her off of him, 'Misa...what did you do?' He snarled furiously at her making her cower a little.

'W-why are y-you s-so mad Light? I did what you told me to do; I took the pills...so I could be with you.' She said her lips beginning to tremble.

Light stands himself up, his monstrous form towering over her, 'You idiot! Don't you realise what you have done!' He screeches slashing at her face slicing it with his long claws.

She screams and stumbles backwards clutching at her cheek. 'What do you mean? Isn't this what I was supposed to do?'She cries.

Light walks towards her, 'You know I don't have a Death note of my own yet, your piece was the only sure way he will die...the only sure way I can go back.' He seethes.

Misa quickly locks her terrified eyes onto L then back up quickly to the monster, 'But...he is already here...you don't need it anymore.' She says shaking with every word.

L stood himself up; wait...Light had been saving the death note for him? But Misa was right, he was already dead, he was here so why was Light so angry? He didn't need it anymore...

He gasped almost falling over. Wait did this mean he wasn't...dead? For the first time since waking up in this hell hole he felt hope. 'I'm alive, isn't that right...Light?'

Light's head turns towards him with a snap, he snarls at him, 'Not for long...you were so close to death that your soul didn't even hang around, it came here instead because this is where you belong.'

L shook his head, 'No...unlike you and Misa I never once used the death note, so in truth, I don't belong here.'

Light turns to him fully now, jabbing a long, skeletal finger towards him, 'Then how do you explain where you are! You can't escape your destiny L, you belong here and you will rot!' He spits venomously as he screams at him.

L thought for a moment, the monster was right, his soul did bring him here and placed him right in front of Light's feet. It was as if his soul had sought him out...

He lets out a breath quickly as he finally realises why. 'It's because of me...I am the reason I'm here...after all this time. I never accepted you could have won...and might have done so if it weren't for Matsuda shooting you.'

'Matsuda?' Misa gasped looking towards Light who ignored her.

'I was the one who allowed you to come to me so easily, it was if I was giving you permission to haunt me...drugged or not, all because of my ego and the fact that you had out witted me, that you in truth had won the game between us.'

'Well I can't say those words aren't pleasing to hear, and now you get to dwell with this realisation that I was always better for eternity.' Light says gruffly his voice laced with arrogance.

L looks at him and smiles, he wanted to laugh almost as the monster physically flinches from it, he obviously wasn't expecting it. 'Not if I finally let you go. Like I said I don't belong here alive or dead; I am allowing myself to finally free myself from you...Light Yagami.'

Light's monstrous eyes widen with horror. He too understands there is nothing he can do now. 'No I won't let you.' He growls at his as he charges forward.

L dodges his attack looking desperately for a way out. His eyes lock onto to Misa's sobbing form. She must have come from somewhere...

He looks back behind him, Light was already in the air flying towards him.

He picks himself up and begins to run past Misa as fast as he legs could take him.

Luckily every time Light approached him he growled giving L a heads up to dodge away from his attack.

A blue almost white light began to appear in the distance as he ran towards it, his heart leapt. That must be an opening of some sort...there was nothing keeping him here anymore.

'I've let go, I've let go, I've let you go LIGHT!' He screams out as his legs burn with fatigue.

Light again approaches him but this time it was from a different angle taking him completely by surprise. He tried to scramble out from Light's monstrous grasp but the Shinigami held him tight and lifts him up towards the abyss.

'Once we get high enough I'll throw you into the blackness! You won't be able to escape and you'll be lost forever!' He gives out a guttural laugh.

L struggles against him all the way, but Light has him by his hair and waist, his claws digging painfully into his flesh.

'You have won but I have something you will never have and never will.' He yells up towards the Shinigami.

'Ha please, enlighten me.'

'I have people who accept me for who I am...but you...will always be alone because you cannot love and so no one will ever, truly love you.'

Light growls and looks down at him with a murderous but pained expression.

L knew that was what Light had truly wanted, acceptance and love for who he was and what he done for the world.

The ego can only give so much self love and worth...but the love you receive from others...for who you really are completes you like nothing else can.

Not allowing a chance for Light to retaliate L tears his head away from his grasp, allowing the claw to rip out some of his hair and then kicks up with all his might making contact with Light's face.

Light yells out and drops him; thankfully he starts to fall downwards through the inky abyss. He manoeuvres himself in the air to fall head first.

He hadn't made it obvious but as Light had flown him higher and higher his eyes had never left the blue light beneath them. As soon as he was sure they had flown above it he had made his move.

Sure enough he could see the blue glow growing bigger and bigger as he approached it with such speed it was almost impossible to keep his eyes open.

He yelled out as a sharp pain scratched up from his foot and leg. Light was already upon him, screaming and calling him all sorts of profanities as he desperately tried to catch him.

L looked behind him, his eyes widened with horror as he caught sight of Light fast approaching him with a manic look in his eye...he was going to tear him to shreds.

Light had almost reached him with his outstretched, monstrous hand when L felt his body halt in mid air.

A blue light shone all around him and Light screamed with fury as he knew he was too late.

L smiled and closed his eyes allowing the light to take him away. Finally he let go and he didn't even care that he had truly won.

* * *

'L? Can you hear me? Lawliet?'

The familiar and warm voice of someone he loved and cared about had him flickering is eyes open slowly.

The pressure he felt suddenly over his hand was warm. He groaned and began to work his eyes again, making them focus on the blurs before him.

'L! I can't believe it...' Came the voice of his guardian he knew so well.

He slowly lifted his unbearably heavy arm towards his own face. He grazed his fingers slowly down his cheek. His eyes immediately began to sting with tears...he was alive.

* * *

L hadn't a clue if the next few...hours, days or even weeks had been dreams or just simply him slipping in and out of consciousness.

Everything had been a blur of lights, voices, warm hands gripping his own, beeping sounds from machines and footsteps all around him.

He was thankful that his body had finally begun to start truly waking up as he opened his eyes with less effort now...and his hearing had returned to normal.

His eyes took a moment to focus before he could truly take in his surroundings.

He felt himself frowning as he looked around at the unfamiliar room. This was obviously a hospital...why on earth has he been taken to a hospital and not treated at Wammy's?

He cleared his throat, it was sore a telltale sign that tubes had been stuck down it.

He tried to shuffle himself upwards but instantly regretted it as a strong bought of nausea hit him almost causing him to vomit.

He covered his mouth with his hand and grimaced from the dull ache coming from his hand.

He was still wired up to machines and fluids from both arms and hands...wow he must have been so close to...

He felt down the side of the bed hissing from the pain every moment brought out.

Finally he had found what he had been looking for, the big, red call button.

Only after a few seconds of pressing it a nurse trotted into his room. She stopped looking truly surprised to him fully awake. 'Elijah, you're finally awake.' She said happily.

He nodded recalling Elijah was one of his aliases. Kiki had chosen the name...he didn't mind it.

'W-would you mind...' he cleared his throat again, it felt so sore and dry, 'would you mind fetching a member of my family?'

'Of course, I believe Mr Wammy only stepped out a moment ago.' She said coming towards him and pressing a button on the bed making the bed rise a little. 'Would you like to sit up a little?' She asked sweetly, her brown eyes were kind and her rosy, chubby cheeks were quite the delight.

He nodded, 'Only a little, thank you.'

* * *

'L, thank god, you're awake.' Watari says with a cheer in his voice as he quickly comes closer to his bedside.

'I didn't think you were one for religion...' L says smirking a little.

Watari laughs, 'Oh my boy.' He says before wrapping his arms gently around him, holding him close in a warm and loving embrace.

L could feel himself blushing a little before relaxing into his guardians arms. He allows Watari to hold him for as long as he wants, he couldn't imagine the worry he had again out him through.

When he felt Watari's arms releasing him he finally asked, 'Watari...is everyone alright?'

He watched as Watari pulled back from him, his eyes suddenly seemed haunted. 'The children are fine...although the same cannot be said for Miss Everly and...Soot.' Watari's lip began to tremble...L had never seen that happen before. Something was so terrible, terrible wrong.

His heart monitor immediately began to beep faster..., 'What happened?' He whispered, he was frozen with fear.

'Oh my boy.' Watari began to sob in right of him. The sight broke L's heart, he began to panic,

'Watari...please...tell me.'

Watari calmed himself ever so slightly before speaking again, 'Bertram shot them. Miss Everly was shot in the lung, she's recovering from a transplant but she is weak and not yet stable...but Soot...he was...shot in the head.'

* * *

A week had passed and L was finally allowed to sit next to Lily's bed as long as he stayed seated in his wheelchair.

He couldn't hold back his tears and whimpers as he wheeled himself into her room. She had been stuck with so many needles. He looked over her arms and hands at all the bruises they had left behind.

She still had to have assisted breathing to make sure her new lung was working properly and if it didn't she at least had the machine to help get enough air to her other one.

He slowly reaches up and takes her hand in his, he found himself almost smiling to feel that it was warm and not cold.

He watched her heart monitor for a few moments...making sure the beats kept coming.

He leans down and kisses her hand. 'You have to wake up Lily; I don't think anyone else can bare another loss. We can't you lose you too.'

He looks up at her; he could feel the tears streaming down his face... 'Oh Christ...Lily...' He began to sob quietly. He knew if he didn't control himself he might never stop...he had so much built up...

'L-Lily, I don't know to tell you...but you have to know that none of this was your fault. Kiki told me how all of you bravely came to my rescue...' He shook his head hating everyone that had played a part in this tragedy.

'She told me how brave he was, how he threw himself at that devil, desperate to get the gun away from him...' He sniffled still very much crying. 'She feels guilty for following Soot in the house when you had ordered them not too. But these are Wammy children and...they never do as they're told.' He smiled sadly shaking his head.

'I know this will take some time to accept...everyone will mourn Soot but I know that the people closest to him will be feeling so...lost and heartbroken. I know how much Soot meant to you, Evie, Kiki and of course Watari and Roger.' He wipes his face with his hospital gown. 'We all mourned Constance alone but I feel that it's probably best to mourn Soot together, as a family.'

He sighs heavily watching her sleep wishing he could kiss her awake. 'I am never going to leave your side, we will all get through this...somehow...just know Lily I am here for you...you'll never be alone.'

He looks behind him before slowly standing up. He shuffles closer to her and lays his head down ever so gently onto her chest. He closes his eyes and listens to her lungs breathing steadily.

He looks back up at her and kisses her forehead, 'I'll be here when you wake up, just please wake up soon...I miss you...' A powerful sob escapes him that he has to sit back down in his chair.

He stays by her side, crying himself to sleep.

* * *

 **Please leave me comments, would love to know what you all thought. X**


	59. Chapter 59

**Here, another chapter.**

 **It would be helpful if you listened too a beautiful song called Nights in white satin by moody blues to really pciture a part of this in your head :)**

 **Hopfuelly everyone enjoys this chapter and as always i'll look forward to hearing what you all thought.**

 **Much love :) X**

* * *

L could hear the commotion outside of Lily's hospital room...but he didn't care to go and inspect. All he wanted was to stay by her side, tell her stories and keep a hold of her hand.

Watching her in this comatose state was enough to rip him mentally apart. He hadn't left her side in days...she could wake up at any moment...any moment now.

He doesn't even flinch as a loud and angry voice sounded in the quiet room. But he of course knew who it was. He had been expecting it.

'I knew she should have come home...now look at her.' Doctor Everly yelled as she came to grip onto her daughter's other hand.

She held it up to her face for a moment, tears streaming down her cheeks. 'Lily...my baby.'

L just kept his eyes on Lily, not looking away from her face for a moment.

Vivian Everly focused her attention back to him and took in a breath...calming herself to the best of her abilities. 'I want you to leave Ryuzaki, I don't want you anywhere near my daughter. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.'

Without looking at the doctor he spoke still clutching onto Lily's hand, 'I'm afraid I can't do that Doctor Everly.' He answered solemnly.

'I want you out!' She snaps at him.

L looks at her then, his eyes were sore from the days of continuous sobbing. He blinks them a few times, trying to focus on her as best as he could. 'I cannot begin to understand what you are feeling as a mother at this moment, but understand me when I say I love your daughter and although I agree with you completely that Lily should have returned home with you, I cannot change how I feel and I cannot be away from her.' He says looking back at Lily.

His words however seemed to fuel the doctor's rage further. 'I don't want to hear it. I couldn't care less about how you feel...' She sneers.

Watari who had been standing in the doorway suddenly stepped forward, 'Doctor Everly please, this is a tragic time for all of us...we must all pull together for the sake of your daughter.'

'She is my daughter and nothing to either of you.' Her furious eyes land again on L. 'You don't deserve my daughter's love.'

Even though he had been telling himself the same thing since he began having feelings for Lily; hearing those words come from Vivian herself immediately crushed him. He never realised until this moment how much he wanted Lily's mother's approval. And now he was certain that was never going to be achieved.

'Doctor Everly please...' Watari begged.

'No Watari, I'll do as the Doctor wishes.' He said before slowly standing from his chair. He leans into the metal crutch the hospital had given him for balance now he could walk again even though he was still very weak.

He bows politely to Vivian who ignores the gesture and turns her head away from him to keep focus on her daughter.

The room was silent apart from his laboured steps and the steady beeps from Lily's machines.

As he reached Watari who looked like his heart was breaking for him he stopped, turning a little back towards Lily and her mother. 'I understand your anger and that you need time with your daughter, but please know Doctor Everly, I will never leave her, unless she is the one who sends me away.'

* * *

'Are you certain you wish to return to Wammy's? She could wake in your absence.' Watari asked his voice full of concern while watching L's every step, making sure he would be there to catch him if he were to lose his balance.

'Doctor Everly wants some time alone with her daughter and of course I understand, I have no power to deny her that nor would I ever wish to. So I will take this chance to go and check on everyone and...' He yawned suddenly.

'And perhaps get some much needed rest? You have hardly slept in days.'

'Neither have you and it's understandable given everything that has happened.' He clears his throat suddenly feeling overwhelmed. He takes a moment before asking, 'when is the funeral?'

'Tomorrow...I have everything arranged.' Watari said sadly looking up into the blue sky now they had reached the hospitals entrance.

'Then perhaps you should come with me...come back to Wammy's, the children need you, as does Roger.'

'But what of Miss Everly?' Watari asks looking back over their shoulders.

L reaches out and puts a hand on his guardians arm, Watari is surprised by the gesture but from the tears that had began to form in his tired eyes he was thankful for it.

'She will be fine, if she wakes while we are absent her mother will be there for her and I will be returning in a few hours. Watari...Quillish come home with me and be with your family.'

* * *

Walking back into Wammy's after everything that had occurred had him feeling more anxious and uncomfortable than he had expected.

He lingered in the doorway as Watari walked in ahead of him. His eyes darted from one direction to the other...he felt tense.

'Aren't you going to close the door?' Watari asked.

L looked behind him at the open door. It's funny how old habits die hard...; there had always been someone to shut the door after him.

He closed the door with the clunk of the lock echoing through the empty and cold entrance hall.

'L? Watari?'

They both looked up to find Roger standing at the top of the staircase. He too looked drained...heartbroken.

'Hello Roger.' Watari greeted meeting his friend at the bottom of the stairs a few moments later.

'I didn't realise you would be returning today...has Miss Everly recovered?' He asked looking at them both with concern.

L was glad when Watari decided to answer as he found himself unwilling to speak.

'She is recovering but still hasn't regained consciousness, the doctors are a little baffled as to why but knowing Miss Everly she will come back to us when she is good and ready. She is stable and that is the most important thing.'

Roger nodded quickly glancing towards L leaning on his crutch uncomfortably. 'Would you like any assistance L? Do you need to go up to your room?'

L looked around again, he didn't know what he should do now...he knew he was tired but he wasn't about to kid himself thinking he would be able to sleep. 'No thank you Roger...I think I will just...walk around for a bit...um...' He stops for a moment.

'What is it?' Asks Roger.

'Do you know where Eve is?'

* * *

He knew he was out of his depth as he knocked softly on the door. He had no idea how to act or what to say. But he was different now. Because of Lily he could now at least speak with more ease with others...he could at least hold a conversation. Even if he couldn't help he could still try, no one should go through this alone.

He knocked again a little harder this time.

'...come in.' Said a faint and delicate voice.

He opened the door and found Eve sitting at her grand window, perched on the ledge, looking out into the grounds. Her bedroom was on the west side of the house meaning her window overlooked the garden and hedge maze.

'Hello Eve.' L says as he steps slowly into her room.

She looks around slowly; he eyes widening a little before relaxing again. 'Hello L, I didn't expect you.' She spoke so quietly, more so than usual, he could also tell she hadn't slept enough and her eyes were bloodshot from sobbing.

'I understand my presence is unlikely to help to comfort or uplift you but I wanted to...see how you are.' He said feeling awkward and close to breaking down himself.

She smiled a sad smile at him, 'No it's good to see you walking about and recovering...how is Lily?'

The girl was truly a sweetheart, so pure and brave, it made him feel...weak in comparison. 'She is in recovery, her transplant was successful but now we are just waiting for her to regain consciousness.'

Eve nods, 'She is strong...she will be fine L.'

He nods quickly; he wanted to believe her words. He had too; Lily had to come back to him.

He walks in slowly standing by her side as she turns her head back towards the window. They stand in silence for a few moments. He studies her slyly, dressed in a pale blue jumper that was far too big for her and wearing white leggings with bare feet. Her white, blonde hair was roughly tied back into a bun... It wasn't the norm for Eve to look like this, but at least she wasn't lying in bed.

He clears his throat quietly, 'How are you Evie? I realise it is a ridiculous question but...' He didn't know how to finish his sentence.

She takes a shallow breath before answering without turning to face him. 'I don't know how to explain it, I suppose the only thing that comes close is...empty and lost.'

He shakes his head truly hating the pain she must be going through. 'I...can't imagine how that feels. My heart is broken from the loss...but for you, Evie all I can say is how sorry I am.'

Her lip began to tremble, her stone like expression beginning to crumble into one that of anguish.

'I was there...with him...I held him before they took him away.' She said with a shaky voice wiping quickly at the tears on her cheek.

L's heart broke for her but he didn't understand what she meant. Soot was killed in the basement... How could she? 'You held him? But he was down in the basement...weren't you upstairs with everyone else as they kept you hostage?' He asked confused and secretly praying that she hadn't been there holding her boyfriend as he died.

She shook her head, 'Bertram's goons scattered when they heard the police sirens so I quickly rushed down leaving everyone behind because I knew I had heard Kiki's and...Soot's yells. When I got downstairs I saw the basement door open and I knew everyone was down there...the basement is never left open.'

He was frozen, did she really witness everything? 'Did you see it Evie?' He asked quietly, he didn't want to but he had to.

She didn't have to say anything as she turned her head towards him so he could see how haunted her eyes were.

He shook his head, 'Oh Christ Evie...'

She began sobbing quietly, 'L-Lily was already on the floor, she was bleeding, Kiki was screaming holding onto your head in her lap and that's when S-Soot noticed me moments before Bertram s-shot him...he saw m-me.'

L put a hand over his face, he couldn't believe what he was hearing...so much pain and heartbreak...so many hurt and scarred and one now gone.

Evie wiped her eyes, 'B-but that monster didn't shoot me because when he realised what he had done...that he had k-killed an innocent like Soot...he ran. He p-pushed past me on the stairs...leaving me and Kiki to stay with S-soot and Lily.'

L had to sit down in front of her, he felt dizzy and nauseous. He didn't know what to say to her as she sobbed helplessly before him. Instead he gently took a hand in his and held it.

She looked up at him and stilled. 'I told Lily sometime ago that I had a vision. It was of you and her, lying dead in your bedroom...did she tell you that?' She asked quietly.

He nodded, 'yes I believe I remember Lily telling me something like that.' He said not wanting to say anymore on the subject.

Her eyes glazed over a little and she stilled even more, 'My visions are never wrong L...but this time it was and I don't know why. Because instead of you and Lily lying together, bleeding out...it was Soot and Lily. When Soot fell he landed on top of Lily. The way they were positioned was exactly the same way I saw you and Lily in my vision.' She shook her head angrily. 'Why! Why didn't I see it true? I could have helped stop this, I could have protected him!' She yelled before completely breaking down.

He quickly took her in his arms and held her close to him. He allowed his tears to fall down his own cheeks. He felt her arms wrap around his chest tightly as she sobbed her heart out.

He rocked her gently when she started to quieten down, 'Evie...there was nothing anyone could do. There was so much more that had been happening in the background that none of us had seen transpiring...not even me.'

She shook her head against him but didn't say anything, he continued, 'S-Soot was brave and died a hero. I know it must seem selfish of him...putting himself at risk but he was protecting me. He was always one to do what he thought was right and no one else was going to tell him otherwise.'

Eve pulled away from him slowly, he realised her gently and watched her rub her eyes. 'I could have, he listened to me...I could have told him not to go in there...but then.' She looked up at him with such a pure and heartbreaking look it almost had L breaking down. 'You wouldn't be here now.'

'Neither would Lily...Soot saved her too I know he did. I just wish...I wish things...hadn't...' His voice began to tremble and he hid his face quickly with his hand to stop the tears.

He felt Eve's delicate hand on his, she caressed it lightly. 'I know.'

He nodded still hiding his face away battling with his own composure.

She sniffled, 'I suppose I can't be...well ungrateful for my gift.' She began.

He took away his hand and looked at her; she was facing the garden again. 'Why do you say that?'

She smiled which took L by surprise, he wasn't expecting it. She pointed out of the window. L looked in the direction of her finger, he couldn't see anything. 'What am I looking for Evie?'

'Soot...he hasn't truly left...'

* * *

He plodded along down the corridor, the crutch making more noise than he was comfortable with.

As he walked with his eyes to the ground he thought how much lighter he suddenly felt. Even though his heart was in pieces and he could barely put a sentence together without wanting to sob; the moment he had with Evie had him feeling...not so hopeless.

When Evie had smiled and said she could see Soot...he believed her.

There was time where he had refused to believe anything about the paranormal...oh but how things had changed. His dealings with Light had changed him forever and now he was open to believing so much more.

But Eve's face was what confirmed it for him, so much love. If she says she can see Soot then that means he was still around.

He was comforted to think Soot would be watching over them...watching over Eve. He didn't know how this was going to affect her...it could make her worse and miss him more...but for the time being he saw how happy she was and he hoped in time Soot would find peace and go to where he is supposed to...wherever that was. He just prayed Evie would be alright and come to accept that Soot probably won't stay with her forever.

But what did he know? He shook his head almost smiling to himself. It was ludicrous, he had been so cock sure about everything and always thought he would be able to handle anything that came his way, that everything always had an explanation and reason to why it was there or why someone acted the way they did.

But as he sat himself down on the main staircase he realised how little he really knew about the important things in life, that everything wasn't always about how to get one up on your opponent or test how many investigations one can solve in just one night.

He realised how much he had been missing when it came to living life. Although he was L and quite frankly loved what he did he had always had an emptiness inside him.

Now he knew what that emptiness was, it gave him clarity as to why he had shied away from life all these years. It was because he was a coward; if you opened yourself up to...feelings and relationships...pain would always follow.

He had never known pain like this...the loss of someone pure and the torture knowing someone you love may never wake up.

He gritted his teeth; it was painful now every time new tears formed in his eyes. He didn't want to cry anymore, but it seemed his body had other ideas.

He wiped the tears away roughly allowing the crutch to crash onto the wooden floor.

He wrapped his arms around himself. He was at a lost as where to go and what to do now.

'L?' came a soft voice.

He looked up slowly to find Quinn and Kiki standing beneath the arch of the entrance.

He wiped his face again and nodded them in greeting. Kiki immediately walked up to him and hugged him. He stiffened as he felt her warm and loving energy almost overwhelm him...but it felt nice.

He blushed shyly as she pecked him on his cheek. 'How is Miss Lily?' Kiki asked as she sat down beside him on the steps.

He cleared his throat...something he did regularly now as he always seemed either choked up or embarrassed. 'She is...recovering well.' He said keeping his tone as relaxed as possible as Kiki had been through enough and no child should have seen what she had...; she had after all witnessed both Lily and Soot shot down by Bertram. He wondered how this would affect her in the long run. She would obviously require some bereavement and most likely trauma counselling...if only Lily were here.

He didn't know what to say to either of them, what could he say? Soot had been killed and Lily might not wake up. Not forgetting that the butler they had all grown with and trusted betrayed them in the most horrific way and like the coward he was shot himself outside the house before anyone could make him pay for what he had done.

He'll never forget the anger that seemed to burst from him when Watari had told him how the leech had cried out his innocence before turning the gun on himself.

It had taken so much persuasion and money to keep Wammy's off the radar and away from any news channels and reporters.

He knew how hard Roger and Watari had worked to keep everything hidden, he just wished he had been conscious to have helped...

Everyone would say that none of this was his fault, but how could that be so? Light had haunting him because he chased him down as Kira, Bertram wanted revenge because he had been too weak to protect Constance and keep her away from Mello...

'Hey L...' Quinn asked quietly.

L looked at him and only just noticed the boy was holding a beautiful red almost mahogany guitar in his hand.

'Um I think this was Soot's...it was found outside the front door...it just seems like the kind of guitar he would have gone for...' he said sadly.

L accepts the guitar as Quinn hands it to him. 'Why are you given it to me? Shouldn't you have it? You were his band mate after all?'

Quinn shakes his head roughly and wipes his eye, 'I can't...not yet anyway...it hurts too much. I didn't know what to do with it but then me and Kiki heard the bang from in here and well I think it will be best in your hands...'

Both he and Kiki study the beautifully sculpted instrument, Kiki rubs her little hand over it softly as if she were petting as dog.

'So...yeah...I hope Lily wakes up soon...um excuse me.' Quinn mutters and leaves the hall before L could thank him.

'He doesn't like anyone to see him cry.' Kiki said sadly.

'People deal with crying in different ways. I am like Quinn, I prefer to cry alone however...sometimes certain circumstances arise and I've found myself surprised to how comforting crying in the arms of someone you love and trust can be.'

Kiki wraps her arms around his and pulls it closer to her, 'I've always known that.'

* * *

Walking back into the hospital immediately brought the heartbreak and reality of the situation flooding back...though he wasn't alone.

He looked down at Kiki who seemed calm as composed as they walked hand in hand to the private ward where Lily was kept.

He had found a strap for the guitar and decided to carry it on his back. Maybe it was because the guitar was the last thing Soot had bought...but as he felt the weight of the acoustic bearing down on his shoulder a comforting thought arose, that perhaps Soot was in a way with them.

His grip on Kiki's hand tightened a little as they opened the door to Lily's room. Vivian was there still, her head lain down on the bed, it seemed she had fallen asleep.

'Is that her Doctor Everly?' Kiki asked quietly.

L nodded, his heart hammering in his chest, he prayed the doctor didn't cause a scene in front of Kiki who had no idea of her anger for him. He decided he had better warn Kiki quickly.

'Listen Kiki, this is a very distressing time for Doctor Everly. She is very upset with me but please don't be angry with her, try and understand how she feels and that her only daughter is in hospital because of me.'

Kiki looked up at him, her expression was of complete shock, 'This isn't your fault L, it's Bertram's . All you and Lily did was fall in love.'

He forgot sometimes that Kiki was still just a child but he couldn't deny how hearing her words and how black and white they were comforted him. Because if you really got down to the core of the situation, they were true. He and Lily did nothing but fall in love. None of it was planned and none of this was ever what either of them expected.

'You've come back.'

Both he and Kiki stood to attention and the sound of Vivian's voice. She looked awful, exhausted and sickly.

L gathered his nerve to answer her, 'Yes, Kiki wanted to see how Lily was.' L said gripping Kiki's hand of which she returned.

'Vivian looked at them both for a few moments before looking at her watch. 'I have to go and call home, give them an update of how she is doing.' She said as she stood and kissed Lily's forehead.

'Has there been any change?' He asked quietly.

She shook her head slowly, 'None...but she is stable and breathing regularly...it looks like her body won't reject the transplant.' She said as she tied her hair back and made way towards the door.

Both L and Kiki stepped out of the way.

Kiki quickly reached for the doctor's hand before she left, 'everything will be okay Doctor Everly, Lily is the bravest person I know.'

Vivian exhaled softly and smiled slightly at Kiki, 'yes she is.' She then looked up at L who kept eye contact although it was hard as Vivian had an intense hazel-eyed stare.

He prepared himself for her anger...but it didn't come, 'I'll be back soon.' She said before walking form the room and closing the door softly behind her.

L allowed his breathing to relax before turning towards his Lily. He gulped, no matter how many times he saw her laying in that bed it never stopped his heart from shattering all over again.

Kiki sat herself on the bed next to Lily and stroked her hand gently. 'She is still so beautiful isn't she L? She looks like sleeping beauty.'

That had L smiling just a little, 'Yes, she is still so beautiful.' He said stroking her hair lightly.

Kiki watched him and smiled, 'hey L why don't you sing to her?'

He took his hand away and stood upright, 'What?'

'You have Soot's guitar with you...you should play her a song and sing to her...she will like it and I'm positive Soot would want you to be the first person to play his guitar properly.'

He shook his head, the things this child came up with sometimes, even if was a lovely thought, he couldn't just start singing here...in front of her and in a hospital... 'Kiki it's a lovely thought, but I'm sure Doctor Everly will be back soon and...'

'L, Miss Lily loves hearing you sing, she has told me so many times and I read in a book that sometimes when people are sick the people they love people singing to them, they can hear it! It's like a lullaby and if they are sleepy they fall asleep but if they are sick or need to wake up they wake up! This could wake Miss Lily up.' She said raising her voice a little to make sure he knew she was serious, it was something she did.

He also knew she wouldn't let this go...and although the idea was ludicrous he had read similar things himself...but he wouldn't admit that to her.

He sighed... 'Kiki...'

'L...' She said with a tone no one would or could argue with.

He felt exasperated but he was too tired to argue with her...and perhaps somewhere inside him he did want to do this...if it had any chance of waking her up...he would do anything.

He pulled off the guitar from his back and sat it in his lap and he seated himself in the chair next to Lily's bed. He strummed it a few times, fiddled with the tuning pegs and strummed it again until it sounded wonderful.

'Do you know what to play to her?' Kiki asked.

He thought for a moment and looked at the beautiful face he had kissed and stared at so many times before. 'Yes...' He said simply and began playing.

He cleared his throat feeling a little nervous with Kiki watching him so intently but he kept with it and began singing softly.

Nights in white satin,  
Never reaching the end,  
Letters I've written,  
Never meaning to send.

Beauty I'd always missed  
With these eyes before,  
Just what the truth is  
I can't say anymore.

'Cause I love you,  
Yes, I love you,  
Oh, how I love you.

He had to swallow back the overpowering will to cry as he continued, he daren't look at Kiki.

He didn't even know how on earth he remembered the chords to the song. He had secretly learnt them when Lily had told him that night before he freaked out in the car that this was her favourite song; something in him must have known learning the song would be important one day.

He carries on with the second verse, his hands had finally began to warm up and cease there trembling. All he could think of was Lily wake up, please wake up Lily.

Gazing at people,  
Some hand in hand,  
Just what I'm going through  
They can't understand.

Some try to tell me  
Thoughts they cannot defend,  
Just what you want to be  
You will be in the end,

And I love you,  
Yes, I love you,  
Oh, how I love you.  
Oh, how I love you.

He goes on to play the solo, plucking the strings in a calm and fluid rhythm; the guitar was beautiful, sounded heavenly, only Soot could have chosen one such as this and only Lily could love such a dreamy and romantic song.

As he began singing the final verse he could feel his eyes burning, but he didn't care he had to finish the song...it was for both of them.

Nights in white satin,  
Never reaching the end,  
Letters I've written,  
Never meaning to send.

Beauty I'd always missed  
With these eyes before,  
Just what the truth is  
I can't say anymore.

'Cause I love you,  
Yes, I love you,  
Oh, how I love you.

He strummed the last notes and finished. He could hear his breathing was laboured; he was shaking slightly and held the guitar tightly to him.

'Oh L...that was so beautiful.' Kiki said.

He looked at her, her voice sounded a little off then he noticed why, she was crying.

He nodded, 'thank you.' He said hoarsely wiping his own tears with the back of his hand.

'Yes, it certainly was...'

Both he and Kiki swing their heads around to find Doctor Vivian standing in the room next to the door.


	60. Chapter 60

**Another chapter.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has been here from the start and who have stayed loyal to the story and the characters**  
 **Your comments and kudos have been the world to me and I hope to hear from you again soon.**

 **Much love! :)**

* * *

L makes haste and quickly takes the guitar from this lap and sits it down next to him on the floor.

He keeps his eyes to Lily, not caring to see the Doctor's disapproving glare once again. Even though she had sounded genuine, she could just be playing on it because of Kiki's presence.

He listened to the clopping of her shoes as she approaches them, 'Ryusaki, I never knew you could play or sing so well.' She said softly.

'There's a lot you don't know about me, doctor.' He mumbled,

'So it would seem.' Vivian said now coming to stand next to Kiki.

The tension was evident in the room, but he didn't care to alleviate it, he just wanted to stay with Lily.

'What's your name sweetie?' Vivian asked Kiki while gently stroking her hair.

Kiki beamed up at her as she answered, 'I'm Kiki, we have met before Doctor Everly, don't you remember, I put the flower in your hair and took pictures.'

'How could forget such a pretty girl? But I am terrible with names so please forgive me.' Vivian said. L noticed her pouting playfully at Kiki before taking his eyes away from the two of them.

'That's okay, I don't mind because you said I'm pretty, I will forgive you this once.' Kiki said with an arrogance that had L almost wanting to smile, instead he rolled his eyes.

Vivian giggles, 'you're quite a character, tell you what, to make it up to you, I'll treat you to an ice-cream?'

'I don't like ice-cream that much, but I saw a café Nero down at the entrance of the hospital, I'd rather have a hot chocolate from there with coconut milk.' Kiki smiles back at the doctor.

Vivian giggles again, 'That sounds delicious, why don't you go and get that nice Matsuda to help you bring us back hot chocolates? My treat.'

L perked up then, 'Matsuda is here?' He asked Vivian.

She looked at him and smiled, 'yes he's been coming back and forth between here and Wammy's all the time you and Lily have been in the hospital.'

L had no idea, he must have missed him when he returned to Wammy's earlier. 'I haven't seen him since I've awoken.'

Vivian shrugged, 'Perhaps he just didn't want to be in the way.' She said keeping her eyes on L that was bordering on uncomfortable before rubbing Kiki's arm again, 'So how about those hot chocolates? Here's my card, just use the contactless thing it has.'

Kiki took the card with a swipe, 'I'm fully aware of how to use a credit card Doctor.'

'Kiki, stop showing off.' L scolded her.

'No, it's fine, she is feisty, I like it.' Vivian said clearly amused.

Kiki smirked smugly at L before trotting off happily out of the room, 'I'll be back with Matsuda soon.'

L closed his eyes in dread at he watched the door slowly close after Kiki, he was alone, with her. He tensed, readying himself for a scolding or something berating.

Vivian sits down in the chair Kiki had been sitting in and take s hold of Lily's hand.

They sat in silence, peaceful but tense.

L began to relax a little thinking she probably wouldn't say anything to him…what was there to say after all?

'Ryusaki.' She broke the silence.

He pulled his eyes away from Lily and looked at Vivian, her demeanour had changed, she seemed tired, sad and lost…it was like looking in a mirror he thought. He knew how she was feeling.

'I want to apologise to you.'

He didn't say anything, but he had to admit to himself that was not what he had been expecting to hear from her.

She continued, 'I know you are most likely feeling as wretched as I am. What I said to you was uncalled for. I was upset and I held you blame for what happened to her.'

'Please doctor, there is no need for you to…' He was cut off.

'No, my behaviour was unacceptable…I just…want her to wake up.' Her voice began to crack. He could tell she was close to breaking down, but he had no idea how to comfort her.

She sniffled and took out a tissue from her pocket and rubbed her nose. 'However, I am curious.' She said after composing herself a little, 'How did you know her favourite song?'

His cheeks blushed a little as he cleared his throat, he forgot she had heard him play and sing to Lily. 'Um, when we were driving one night it came on the radio and she told me it was her favourite…so I took it upon myself to learn it. I doubted I would must up the courage to perform it to her, but I had to a least learn the women I love's favourite song.'

Again silence, he could see from his peripheral that she was staring at him, but he had no idea to what she was thinking, he didn't know this woman well enough to predict what her next move would be and that was…frustrating.

'Well I feel honoured to have heard it and you must play it for her when she has woken up, she shouldn't miss out.'

Again, he was lost for words, it was such a complete turnaround to how she was with him before, but he could feel that he had proved his love to her daughter somehow and perhaps it was enough…for now.

'We're back.' Kiki announced as Matsuda held the door open for her. 'L I got you one with that hazelnut syrup you like.' She said as she handed him the large takeaway cup.

He attempted to smile but failed, instead he nodded in gratitude, 'Thank you for thinking of me Kiki, that's very kind.'

The little girl shrugged her shoulders but smiled, 'Well hot chocolate can cheer anyone up.'

He watched Matsuda hand Vivian a cup with a blush he had never seen on his friends face before, but it was blatantly obvious he found Vivian attractive.

After exchanging a few kind words with Vivian, he looks over at L, a warm smile now replacing the embarrassed one. 'I can't tell you how nice it is to see you awake Ryusaki.'

L nodded again, it felt like one of those bird toys that dips its head into a glass of water repeatedly, but it was the only alternative to talking. 'Thank you, Matsuda, though I wish you had come to see me earlier when I was cooped up in my room, bored.'

Matsuda scratched his head, 'Yeah well I didn't want to be in the way, besides Watari has been keeping me up to date on how you and Lily have been doing.'

'Still, I'm glad you're here now.' L said quietly.

Matsuda held his warm smile, 'so uh, how is Lily? Any change?' Matsuda asked more to Vivian than to L.

She shook her head sadly and sipped her hot chocolate, 'She is stable but no change, there is nothing keeping her in this coma or whatever it is. It's as if she wants to stay asleep for the time being, perhaps her body is mentally preparing herself for when she does wake up.'

'She will wake up soon, I know it.' Kiki said sitting herself into L's lap. He huffed but didn't refuse.

Vivian gave a small smile as she gave a sly look over to him and Kiki, this was the probably the first time she had seen him interacting with any of the children.

He grimaced as Kiki made herself comfortable by shuffling on his lap and kicking his shin…hard, still, he held his tongue…just.

* * *

A few hours went by quickly as the four of them attempted to alleviate the atmosphere in the room.

L had to admit that their presence had had him feeling a little less lonely. He also found he preferred the tones of their voices than the monotone beeps of Lily's machines.

He never once released her hand...in case she squeezed it which would be a sure sign of her waking up.

Though, after a little while, the conversations soon dried up and before long the room fell into silence once again.

The funeral was approaching fast and he didn't know if he was prepared for it. All the sobbing, the anguish, watching Soot's casket go down into the earth...it was too much to bear and he would have to do it without Lily. What's more, Watari had asked him as well as a few others to say a few words at the service. He couldn't refuse of course, nor did he did want to, but speaking at the funeral of one of their beloved children was something L had never wanted to do again, not after last time. Though, Soot deserved as many kind words as possible.

Kiki's head fell hard into his chest, 'I'm so sleepy.' She mumbled.

'Matsuda, will you mind taking Kiki back to Wammy's? She needs to get some sleep.' L asked his friend quietly as he awkwardly supported the child's head.

'Sure, no problem.' Matsuda smiled as he approached them from the chair he had been sitting on at the end of Lily's bed.

He gently took Kiki from L's arms into his. L sighed with relief; he could feel his legs at last.

As Matsuda walked back towards the door he put a hand gently on Vivian's shoulder waking her up. 'Sorry to disturb you but I am heading back to Wammy's now, perhaps you should come and get some rest too?' He smiled sweetly at her.

Vivian yawned but shook her head looking at Lily, 'No...I can't leave her side, what if she wakes up?' She said anxiously.

'I'm here and I won't leave her side. If she does wake I'll call you straight away. You should go and have some proper rest Doctor; you haven't since you arrived here.' L said.

Vivian attempted to hold back a yawn but to no avail, she looks exhausted and completely worn out. After squeezing Lily's hand a final time she nodded and stood up, 'I trust you L, please call me if anything happens, I'll be back early in the morning to see her before...the service.' She said sadly.

He nodded again, 'I'll see you all in the morning.'

With a small smile and a last look at her daughter, Vivian walked past Matsuda, squeezing his arm tenderly as she did.

'You'll be alright here alone?' Matsuda whispered so not to wake Kiki in his arms.

'I'm not alone, but yes, I'll be fine.' L said quietly. 'Get some rest Matsuda, and thank you for your help.'

'Of course L, anything for you and your family.' Matsuda said before leaving the room quietly.

L sighed. 'You are so very much loved Lily, I hope you're aware of just how much.' He said before standing and resting his cheek against hers, she was still warm.

He closed his eyes, imagining they were both in bed together, in each other's arms, happy and relaxed. He smiled against her cheek as he kissed it. 'You have the softest cheeks my darling.' He kissed her again and leaned back to look at her face.

It was a mistake because as soon as he saw her eyes were still closed he struggled to keep the tears forming in his own eyes.

He quickly buried his face in the crook of her neck and started humming her favorite song. It was the only thing he could do to prevent himself from sobbing.

'Lily...please wake up. I'm so lost without you, everyone is lost without you. Wherever you are, follow my voice, come back to me.' He sniffled and wiped his eyes on her pillow before placing lips close to her ear. 'My love, you have to come back, please. We still have so much to see together, I'll take you all around the world, I'll show you the most magnificent views that you could ever dream of. We can fly endlessly; there is no limit to where we can go and what we can do, as long as we are together. Lily I...I might...want to take you somewhere, somewhere special...and perhaps...and ask you something...'

He squeezed her hand, his heart fluttering a little, 'I've been thinking about it for a long time now, even though we both don't really see the point...but I...want to.'

Exasperated, he closed his eyes and snuggled closer to her, why was he saying all of this to her now? This was not the time...she couldn't hear him and in truth, he had no idea what he was talking about, he just wanted her to know he wanted to spend his entire life with her. Gaining some courage he put his lips to her hear, 'Lily...will you marry me?' He whispers with a shaky breath.

He kisses her cheek tenderly and buries his face into her neck once more.

He jolts up suddenly as he could have sworn he felt her fingers wrap around his...; with a whip of his head he locks onto their hands and holds his breath. Willing it to happen again, praying it hadn't been just his imagination.

He hitches a breath as he watches miraculously her delicate fingers give another squeeze, his eyes widen, 'My god...' He whispers and smiles.

He turns his head slowly back to her and almost leaps back, her eyes, her eyes were fluttering...she was waking up.

He leans in closer and strokes her head, 'Lily, Lily? Can you hear me?' he calls out desperately to her.

She groans a little, he tensed as finally her eyes cracked open and begin to focus on him.

He smiled widely; his body was shaking with joy, tears streaming down his cheeks. He strokes her cheek with a trembling hand. 'My darling.' He weeps, 'You've come back.'

* * *

He watched nervously as the nurses disconnected some tubing and such from Lily, she coughed a little but it was an unusually comforting sound to him. Even though it was a cough it meant she was awake and just making noise.

He stood to the side, leaning on one crutch and anxiously biting at his thumb as he watched them check her vitals and speak to her.

They were silent for a moment before one of the nurses turned to him and smiled, 'she wants to talk to you.' She said with a knowing smirk.

He shuffles forward, taking his crutch with him and comes to stand at her bedside.

There she was, smiling, looking at him with those beautiful eyes of hers, just as she's always done. 'Hey.' She croaks out.

He suddenly felt weak, his knees almost buckling beneath him; thank god he had the crutch. 'Hey' he croaked out in return.

She smiled and held out her hand weakly for him. He took it instantly and squeezed it. He couldn't stop the tears falling down his cheeks.

'Don't cry...you'll make me cry...' She said quietly still smiling.

'I'm sorry.' He said wiping his tears with his sleeve before sitting down next to her.

'Would you like us to call her mother or will you do it?' One of the nurses asked him.

Without taking his eyes from Lily he said quickly 'I'll do it.' Of course, he would wait just a little longer to have Lily to himself first...he needed this time with her.

'Alright then, try and hold back from making her speak too much, she is still very sore and call us if you need anything okay?' She asked both of them.

'So...that's it? She is going to be alright?' He asked the nurse as she walked past him.

She stopped and smiled again, 'yes she is doing very well, all her vitals are fine and she seems coherent and is speaking normally.'

He smiled, he didn't know what to say, he was completely lost for words, but he managed a thank you before they left.

They were alone now. He pulls his chair closer to her, as close as it could get. Now that she was awake he didn't know what to say, all he could do was stare at her in amazement.

She smiled at him, 'how are you?' She asked weakly.

He let out a breath and dropped his head with a small laugh, 'Lily, you have been in a coma and the first thing you ask is how I am?' He said looking at her again with a grin.

'Of course...' She says simply.

He shakes his head again; he loved this woman so much. 'I am well...so much more now that you're awake my darling.'

He stroked a thumb over her dry lips, 'would you like some water?' He asked softly already going for the glass on the little table next to her.

She nodded weakly.

He carefully brought the straw to her lips and held it as she weakly put it in her mouth. He watched her, he couldn't believe she was awake, it felt like he was beholding a miracle as she drunk the water slowly.

She had almost finished it all when she pulled back. 'That was good.' She said with a satisfied smile.

He smiled as he put back the glass, 'just let me know when you need more.' He said resting his arms onto the bed so his face was as close to hers as he could manage. He caressed her cheek before running his thumb over her lips again. 'They are so dry Lily, do they hurt? Do you want me to call someone to bring some lip balm or something of similar value?' He asked concerned.

She closed her eyes and smiled shaking her head slowly, 'I have missed the way you speak Lawliet.' She said opening her eyes. 'All I want...is a kiss.'

His heart fluttered, all this time he had been dying to kiss her...to feel her lips against his again after so long...after all the tragedy that had befallen them all.

He smiled slyly before leaning in and placing his lips tenderly against hers. He breathed her in, feeling overjoyed and overwhelmed with emotion. He couldn't believe he was finally kissing his Lily again. He gently broke the kiss and stroked her face, staring lovingly into her eyes. 'Where have you been?' He asked quietly.

Her eyes glistened, 'I don't know, but I felt peaceful...although I could hear all of your voices echoing all around me.'

He swallowed nervously remembering what he had asked her just before she woke up. 'You could? And did you manage to understand anything?'

'Sometimes...' She said dreamily.

He nodded. If she had heard what he had asked her she would have said something by now, he thought it best not to say anything, there was something more...pressing he had to tell her but he didn't want to.

'Are you tired? How are you feeling?' He asked cautiously. He had to make sure she was at least physically prepared to hear what he had to tell her.

She instantly picked up on his serious tone and looked at him with concern, 'Actually I feel...alright, my chest feels tight and heavy, but it's not painful.'

'That most likely the painkillers that have pumped into you, though I don't believe the dose was high.'

She nodded, 'I don't want to ask but...what happened? The last thing I remember was going back into Wammy's to find you...' She frowned trying to remember, 'I know I was scared...'

'Lily, I think perhaps you need to sleep more, we can talk about everything when you have had rest...' He said quickly.

She coughed a little causing him to tense and squeeze her hand, she smiled at him, 'Don't worry, it's just my throat.'

He nodded, she was far better healed than he expected and speaking like normal, it was like a miracle, although her body had had time to heal the past two weeks, he didn't expect her to be so...with it, but he couldn't be thankful enough.

'L, tell me, what happened to me?' She asked again, this time caressing his hand, trying to comfort him.

It was difficult trying to recall everything that had happened; he had wanted to lock it away and never think of it again.

It broke his heart watching her expressions of horror and fear as he recounted everything that had happened to her and him.

'So he shot himself?' She asked quietly.

He nodded, 'yes like the coward he was.'

'And you? How are you? I noticed the crutch...is that permanent?' She asked with such concern in her eyes it humbled him.

'No, it's temporary until my body has fully recovered...it was a lot of poison, but I have recovered well.'

She nodded and squeezed his hand, 'I'm so relieved to hear that...and what about Kiki and Soot? I remember being with them when he drove back to Wammy's... are they alright?'

This was the moment he had been dreading. He tightened his grip on her hand. He couldn't look her in the eye. 'Oh Lily...' He croaked, 'Kiki is fine but Soot...' He covered his eyes with his hand, he couldn't control himself, his heart was broken and now he was going to break the heart of his love.

'L...what?' She asked shaking his hand.

He could feel his lip tremble, he shook his head and took his hand away from his eyes and looked at her. He could tell she was preparing herself but she stayed quiet. 'Soot was killed...' He said with a sob in his throat. 'He was shot trying to save me.' He managed to croak out.

Lily stilled before turning her head away from him... 'No.' She whispered.

He watched as her broke began to break right before his eyes as she began to breathe heavily and then she yelled out and wailed.

He quickly gathered her up in his arms and held her. Crying silently as she sobbed his arms.

Lily had bawled until she had exhausted herself and fell asleep in his arms. He hadn't once let her go while she cried her heart out. His eyes stung and his chest was tight with despair. Watching her break down over Soot was probably the most painful situations he had ever gone through. He would do anything and everything in his power not to have her experience anything like that again.

A nurse had come in while she had been crying but he shook his head signaling for her to leave them, thankfully she had taken the hint and left them.

Now she had returned and gently rubbed his arm waken him up, he hadn't realised he had fallen asleep next to Lily on her bed, still holding her close to him on his chest.

The nurse whispered, 'She shouldn't be lying like that, she should be on her back, it would be more comfortable for her.'

'She seems to be alright, I believe she cried herself to sleep, but I'll try and turn her.' He whispered back feeling a little agitated with the nurse, but they were only looking out for Lily and he couldn't argue with that.

'Also we don't usually allow people to share patient's beds...but seeing how distraught she was, I'll allow it, just for tonight.' She smiled sweetly.

He studied her for a moment, she was a small and red-haired nurse, couldn't have been older than twenty, 'Thank you, I truly appreciate it.'

She nodded, 'call us if she is in any pain whatsoever.'

He watched the nurse leave and gently began moving Lily to her back while he shifted to lie onto his side facing her. With an arm wrapped gently around her he closed his eyes. His body was crippled with sorrow and disquiet for tomorrow; he wished it would never have to come.


	61. Chapter 61

**Soot's funeral. :(**

 **Would love to read what you all thought of this chapter, I swear I was almost in tears writing it.**

 **Lots of love to you all! X**

* * *

'L…, wake up.'

He stirred, turning his head stiffly towards the voice calling to him.

'I'm sorry to disturb you my boy, but it's time.' Watari said in a hushed tone.

He grumbled a little and cracked his eyes open, Looking down he found Lily still asleep beside him, curled into his chest.

He then glanced over at Watari, dressed in a fine tailored, black suit. His eyes were sunken and puffy; L wondered how long he had cried for this morning. .

L cleared his throat a little before whispering, 'I need to change, are the cars outside?'

Watari nodded his head gently to the side, 'I've laid out your suit there on the chair. Just change and come out, the…casket hasn't arrived yet, so we have a little time.'

L nodded, 'Alright, thank you Watari.'

He watched his guardian slowly walk out from the room. L felt like sobbing for him, he could feel his heartbreak radiating from him, but Watari was a proud man and wouldn't allow himself to break down in front of anyone…especially not the children.

He swallowed and kissed Lily's head gently before shaking ever so slightly. 'Lily, I have to go now… wake up sweetheart.' He kissed her hair again, taking on her scent.

She began to stir and groaned a little. 'L? Where are you going?' She asked groggily.

He closed his eyes, he didn't want to tell her but she had to know, 'It's the service today. For Soot.' He whispered.

She looked up at him then, her eyes already filling with tears. 'I'm going too.' She said seriously.

His eyes widened, 'no Lily, you're not well enough, I know you want to, but we can't risk your recovery.' He said slowly praying he would convince her.

She didn't blink as she continued staring at him, 'L…I couldn't give a shit about myself right now, I am going today. I loved Soot as much as anyone and I want to say goodbye properly.' Her voice broke suddenly at the end of her sentence. He held her tightly while she breathed deeply, trying not to sob.

'Lily, I understand…but you're too weak to walk.'

'I'll manage in a wheelchair; all I ask of you is for you to convince the doctor to allow me leave. However I'm still going if they give me leave or not, I just would rather not cause a scene.'

* * *

It had taken a little persuasion for the doctors to allow Lily leave for the day.

Usually he rather enjoyed throwing his words around to get his way. But on this occasion he wished the doctors hadn't been so willing and understanding.

It wasn't though he wanted Lily to miss the service; he was just so concerned for her mental well being. She was so fragile and today will be immensely difficult for all of them.

All he wanted was to protect the woman he loved and nothing else mattered...though he was a little comforted that she would be there, next to him, holding his hand...

He had changed into the black suit and black shirt Watari had brought for him in the car. He hated hospitals and hospital toilets were out of bounds. Plus he found solace sitting in the car with its tinted windows. Knowing he could look out into the world without anyone seeing him always comforted him...; but sometimes it caused him to feel lonelier than he was already. He couldn't win sometimes.

He was battling his emotions as he walked back into her room and found her already dressed and sitting in a wheelchair.

'Where did the dress come from?' He asked nodding to the beautiful, lacy long dress she was wearing. No one could have ever guessed what horrors she had recently been through just by looking at her; she looked breathtaking.

'My mum had it ready in the car; she already knew that I would want to go if I woke up in time.' She said fitting a black bow into her brown, long locks.

He looked around the room for the doctor, but no sign of her. 'That was extremely thoughtful of your mother.' He said slowly walking towards her. 'Where is she?'

'She went with Matsuda; I told her I had you so she didn't need to keep guard of me. No one believes me when I say I feel fine.' She said with a sigh.

'You can't blame them; you have no idea how scared everyone has been...'

'But I'm still here, where he isn't, so people should be just grateful for that and stop fussing.' She snapped at him suddenly.

She wiped tears away from her eyes as he slowly came and crouched down in front of her, rubbing her thighs tenderly.

'I have never been more grateful for anything in my life and I know how you're feeling Lily, the loss is unbearable and it won't truly sink in for a while yet but, you must allow others to love you and aid you through your grief. Humans need others for support, isolation is a lonely and destructive mindset to be in; I know from personal experience. I believe I would have healed at a faster rate if I had allowed others to support me, to grieve with me after Constance. Keeping everything hidden within me ate and tore me apart; I don't ever want that for you, so please, my darling, don't push us away.' He smiled sadly at her as she slowly focused her eyes on him.

He wanted to kiss her and tell her everything was going to be alright, but he knew she was in pain and fighting with her guilt just as he was. So instead, he kissed the palm of one of her hands and stood up.

'Would you like me to push you?' He asked already positioning himself behind her now wiping his own tears from his eyes, he couldn't cry in front of her now, he had to be strong.

She nodded silently.

* * *

Wammy's had been transformed into a beautiful and delicate atmosphere. White Lilies covered the grand entrance hall as well as the music room where it had been decided to hold the service in honour of Soot.

L's heart constricted in his chest as he pushed Lily into the beautifully decorated room and there at the end was Soot's open casket.

L had never seen an open casket before, they hadn't had one for Constance and he wasn't prepared for it at all.

He abruptly stops in the middle of the walkway, people were already sat in their chairs waiting while Christopher, Quinn and Matthew where playing one of Soot's songs quietly.

Lily turned around and looked up at him; he could feel her hand gently stroke his. 'L? Look at me.'

He couldn't, he began to shake as his eyes kept locked onto the open casket where he could make out Soot's face. He looked like he was just sleeping...but he wasn't and that was the fact that had him frozen on spot, unable to move. Soot was gone, a young teen, in the prime of his life wasn't coming back. He couldn't accept it.

Lily tried again, 'L, sweetheart look at me please.' She whispered softly.

Finally he did and breathed out a heart-wrenching cry which he soon controlled.

She smiled at him and kisses his palm just as he had done to her. 'It's okay, we can get through this; we have to get through this, for Soot.' She nodded her own lips trembling but somehow she kept from crying.

He squeezed her hand and nodded and continued to push her to their place at the front next to Watari, Eve and Near.

Making sure Lily's chair was securely locked in place he takes a seat next to her. He didn't know how he would have coped if she hadn't been there, this was all too much for him to bear...he was out of his depth...

He looked beside him and then all around the room. Everyone was crying or had been. Everyone in Wammy's including the workers and gardeners were there. He was surprised to recognise some of the police and FBI agents he had worked with had attended as well. They didn't know Soot but L couldn't deny that he appreciated their sympathy for his family.

Even Mello and Suri where there, sitting more to the back but he could see they were distraught. Suri was openly crying while Mello clasped her hand for comfort...his cheeks were wet.

The band finished their song and went to take their seats.

Roger then took the podium, dabbing his eyes with a tissue. He took in a breath and released it quietly. 'Welcome everyone.' He cleared his throat and slid on his glasses before taking out a small piece of paper and opening it up. 'We are here today to say goodbye Soot, our dear and beloved child of Wammy's. A brother, a son, a friend and partner.' He smiled down to Eve as he said this. She smiled weakly.

'I remember when Soot first arrived here at Wammy's. The memory will be forever planted into my mind as I held a hand out to shake his, however, instead of grabbing my hand he proceeded to fist bump it and say "what's up old man."'

Everyone in the room giggled fondly at this, even Near smiled.

Roger laughed and shook his head and continued, 'I was too proud to admit I hadn't in the faintest idea of what that hand gesture meant...thankfully Quinn had been there to help an old man out.' He smiled at Quinn who nodded with a smirk.

'Since that day Soot had always greeted me the same way and I am so thankful that he did. He made me more into a hip old guy and left with me with some of the fondest memories of my time here...as I am sure he has done to each and every one of you.' He cleared his throat as he looked back to the casket. 'Soot will be missed dearly, but his spirit will live on as well as the memories you all hold inside you. He will never be truly gone; he will always be with us, with you all because we all loved him.' Roger quietly sniffled and dabbed his nose with a tissue. He took a moment before smiling and looking up to everyone again. 'Now we will all have a chance to say a few words for our dear Soot beginning with Watari.'

Watari walks up to the casket as Roger steps down and takes his seat. Watari strokes Soot's hair gently before turning back to face everyone at the podium.

'Soot's real name was Oscar Sackville. One of the first memories I have of Soot was when I approached him and told him if he were to stay here at Wammy's he would need a new name. He jumped at the chance to change his name which prompted me to ask why he was so eager; I thought his name sounded just fine. He then proceeded to tell me with that quirky way he titled his head when he was confused, that his name sounded like he was a chimney sweeper in a Charles dickens novel.'

Again the room erupted into a gently fluctuation of giggles and chuckles.

Watari chuckled himself, 'He explained that Sackville reminded him of a sack of coal, I don't know why and I didn't attempt to understand it. So I asked him to go and think about a name and then return to me when he had thought one up. Like a flash he replied "I've already chosen one", it didn't surprise me as I already knew the boy standing in front of me had an exceptional mind as was sharp with his thoughts. When I asked what it was he simply said Soot. I of course was a little confused and asked him why he had chosen that name. He said it was because he wanted something that related to his real name, so he wouldn't forget it completely and he liked the way Soot sounded.'

L chuckled, squeezing Lily's hand softly in his own; she smiled at him quickly, giving a little squeeze back.

Watari was silent for moment as he looked back at Soot and then to the smiling picture of him placed beside his casket. Watari always kept pictures of every child that came to and from Wammy's but he never allowed them out of his office. They had always been under lock and key.

He sighed heavily and returned to facing everyone. 'I have many stories to tell of Soot and his time here. I believe he gave us all different stories, stories now we can each hold dear and share with others to keep him alive in our hearts. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Soot did this on purpose so he wouldn't be forgotten but...Soot, how could we ever forget you?' He hitched in a shaky breath and covered his eyes for a moment before turning to Soot again.

'Sleep well my boy and keep playing your music for eternity. Let us all hear it when we dream of you.' He kissed Soot's forehead slowly and stroked his hair back before turning and quietly taking his seat between Near and Eve.

As he sat both Near and Eve took hold of his hands.

L looked to the ground, this was unbearable. He didn't want to see anymore tears, anymore heartbreak and still he couldn't leave. He had to stay, for his family, friends, Lily and for Soot. But he felt himself trembling, the pressure in his chest and throat from his trapped sobs were beginning to become painful.

He watched as more people each took the podium and said their goodbyes to Soot. Some stories had them all laughing, while others had them all crying and holding to one another.

But nothing could prepare L for what came next as Eve took the stage.

She had seemed calm and composed through the entire service but as soon as she walked up to the casket she began sobbing her heart out and wrapped her arms around Soot's body, crying into his chest.

This had everyone equally sobbing and L couldn't take it anymore. So he quickly got up and took Eve off from Soot and into his arms, rubbing her back trying with all his might to soothe her as tears ran down his own cheeks.

'It's not fair! It's not fair!' Eve sobbed into his chest.

'I-I know, I know...but Soot wouldn't want this Eve, he wants you to remember him with a smile. Remember what you told me?' He whispered into her ear quietening her down a little.

'You said you could still see him, that he is still here.'

She looked up to him and nodded.

'Is he here now?' He asked.

She sniffled and began to look around the room, her lips still trembling. He knew she could break down at any moment again.

He jumped suddenly as she gasped and began crying quietly again as she looked towards the doors. 'He's there, smiling at us.' She said through her gentle sobs.

L looked towards the doors hoping he would see him but of course there was no one there, still he believed her. 'And do you think he wants to see you like this?'

She shook her head, her eyes still fixated in the door.

'Then make him smile more, tell stories about the both of you, tell him how much you love him.' He whispered.

She nodded her head and stood up shakily. 'L...will you stand up there with me?' She asked quietly, looking up at him with her doll like features.

He nodded even though he didn't want to. But he couldn't say no.

So L stood next to Eve silently as she told her own stories about Soot and how they fell in love.

He noticed how she kept her eyes fixated on the doors, but it seemed to calm her and keep her going. If he was really there then that's all Eve needed in that moment and if he was completely honest he envied her.

He allowed Eve to take her seat while he remained next to the casket. He looked back and clenched his jaw tight, holding in his sobs still.

Soot seemed so peaceful but he also looked so young; too young to be lying in a casket.

He turned back towards everyone, trembling. 'I-uh...thought everyone should hear S-Soot's last song he wrote especially for Eve. H-he wrote it months ago now but never gathered the courage to play it to you, I guess you were his one weakness.' He smiled sadly at Eve who nodded in understanding.

He looked to Quinn who had already brought Soot's new guitar to him. He nodded his thanks to the teen and proceeds to strap the guitar to him.

'He recorded the song for me to hear and sent it without me even knowing what I was supposed to do with it, which was typical of him.'

Everyone chuckled lightly.

L smiled at Lily who smiled back at him, always so beautiful and encouraging.

'As it seems to be a reoccurring trend in this service I think I should share a story before I play this song.' He flicks his hair and tunes the guitar quickly. 'Okay so..., once, Soot approached me to come and play in his band because Christopher had caught laryngitis. So I have you to thank Christopher for this fond, fond memory.' He said as he rolled his eyes making the boy and everyone chuckle lightly. 'I of course said no and would not be convinced otherwise until Soot decided to use my weakness against me. I believe everyone in this room knows what that weakness it whether you know me well or not. However it wasn't just a few sweets or treats he had offered, no, it was the entire desert trolley that he had stolen, right in front in my eyes from the kitchen and now had it in front of me.'

Everyone laughed again allowing L to feel a little lighter and a little more comfortable speaking in front of them all. 'With only a fleeting thought concerning how cook would murder me I took the bait like a blind fool. Though now just the thought of the amount of cakes and treats I ate that evening still haunts me to this day...but at least Soot had achieved what he wanted.., I was merely just a bloated, nauseated pawn that he completely knew how to play.'

He watched everyone smile and laugh and in that moment and felt...better about himself and as he glanced towards the doors, he hoped he had someone else smiling too.

* * *

L continued playing Soot's love song to Eve as they all followed the casket to the Koi garden.

Vivian had pushed Lily as the ground became a little too steep to manage on her own. L watched her like a hawk, making sure she wasn't exhausting herself. Though his fears embed away a little from her encouraging smile she gave him.

They all gathered around as his casket was slowly placed carefully into the ground not far from Constance's resting place.

Red roses were thrown on top of the casket by all the children of Wammy's. Even Mello and thrown one in.

Still tears ran and sobs were cried out as finally Soot was laid to rest. A priest had been present to give his blessings. Watari was not religious but he thought it best, in case any of the younger children believed in it and he didn't want them thinking Soot would be damned for eternity.

A long while passed before people began turning away and heading back towards the house. A lot of them thanked L for the song and patted his shoulder or arm.

Eve had kissed him on the cheek before walking back with Near and Quinn.

Roger and Watari hugged each other and shared comforting words to one another. They must have suffered the most; it was like losing a child. L couldn't imagine the pain his guardian and friend were going through.

L turned towards Lily and found her looking down into the ground where he casket had been lowered. He walked up to her slowly and put his hand gently on her shoulder. She didn't look up, but she did slowly take hold of his hand. 'I've told him I'm sorry but I know it's not enough, no amount of words will bring him back.' She said quietly.

He swallowed and shook his head, 'No it won't but Soot loved you and me and wanted to protect us. He wouldn't want us to live with guilt for his bravery. It would destroy all purpose to his sacrifice he made to save us. He wouldn't want that Lily...please tell me you understand this, because if you can't push away your guilt I'm afraid neither will I and we will both stay in a darkness that is so difficult to climb out of. I don't want to live like that; I don't want that for us.' He said desperately. His body began to tremble once more.

She sighed before turning around to face him, taking his hand to her lips and kissing it. She stayed like that for a moment before locking his eyes with hers, 'I don't want that either and I promise I'm going to try, I want to live with love and beautiful memories in my heart. I know you can help me and I hope I can you help you too.'

He fell to his knees and gathered her up in his arms, embracing her with all he had. 'We can and we will...for Soot, for Oscar.'


	62. Chapter 62

**Hello my lovely readers!** **I am back! In case any of you were wondering I am alive and back on a roll with this story after sickness and a lot of writers blocks! :P** **Anyway here is the next chapter for you all!** **Please leave me a comment to tell me whatcha think! It's always lovely to read what you write and keeps me going! hehe.** **Lots of emotional bits in this one!**

 **Much love to you all!**

 **-JesterBells X**

* * *

The weeks after the funeral had seemed to meld into each other. Lily felt she had been in a long, dream-like state. She didn't take days into account anymore. Every time she came back into her conscious and present state was the only time she realised where she was and what she was doing.

The other times she spent were deep within her thoughts and feelings of sorrow and guilt.

She tried with all her might not to behave as if her heart wasn't gnawing away at itself every time L came to her or walked into a room.

She would never allow him to know that she was on the edge of something so dark she was afraid of her own thoughts.

She was angry with herself with her feelings and wanted to slap herself around the face, she couldn't believe how much she allowed her own ego to take over her in these last few weeks.

Everyone would be feeling like she did and she was sure that the members of the Wammy household felt much worse; she had no right feeling so beat up about the tragic loss of Soot. She had only known him for a short time, while others in the house were family to him. She sickened herself; her own feelings of despair were nothing compared to the broken hearts of the others who had love him for longer.

However, every time she felt like she could maybe make it through another day without tearing up her night terrors would return with full force.

She hadn't realised it at the time as she was lying in that basement on the cold floor, bleeding out from her shot wound, that her subconscious mind had taken everything in that had occurred. She had in fact heard the fatal shot that killed Soot and also Kiki's scream of despair.

Now every few days or so, the nightmares would consist of repeating this scene, over and over again.

Even though she hadn't witnessed Soot's murder her nightmare always began with her watching it from the sidelines.

His face of terror in his last moments. It shattered her heart that every time she awoke she had wailed and screamed into the night.

Even though she had told L he didn't need to sleep with her because of her consistent night terrors he would always be there, taking her manic slaps as she flayed about in her nightmare state.

She had even drew blood one time as she scratched down his cheek trying to escape her own night terror while he had desperately tried to wake and calm her.

She had kissed him and apologised for days afterwards but the only thing he cared about as her own well being.

In the end, out of fear and worry for her he called her mother to come and help her. She had been reluctant to leave Lily at Wammy's anyway, knowing something like this was bound to happen. But of course, as soon as he had hung up the phone she was on her way.

They both were seated at the end of the staircase waiting for her mother's arrival which would be in the next 20 minutes or so giving L's calculations of the time she had left.

He held her close, with his arm wrapped around her waist. He seemed like he was constantly pulling her into him, never feeling she was close enough.

She looked at him as he stared at the door. His eyes had sunken again, she knew he was hardly sleeping and her night terrors had made things so much worse. She was such a burden to him but he never left her side.

'L...I think if mum can't...resolve the issue within the few days she is here...it may be wise for me to go back with her?' She said quietly, feeling his arm tense around her as her words registered in his ears.

After a moment he looked down at her, his face was expressionless but she knew he already hated the idea.

'You truly think I will be able to live without you here with me? I am barely keeping it together myself...you are the only thing keeping me grounded.'

'How is that so? I am a wreck and my own weakness is causing you nothing but trouble and maybe sickness.' She muttered quietly knowing it to be true.

'I will die without you Lily, I think I have made myself very clear on that the last time you wanted and did eventually leave me.' He said holding her tightly again and looking deep within her eyes, 'I won't allow that to happen again. So please desist with your moral attempts to make things better for me, when the only thing that keeps alive is you.' His lips trembled as he buried his head into her shoulder.

Tears began forming in her eyes and she gripped onto him tightly and stroked his hair. 'Alright sweetheart, I'm sorry, so sorry, I won't ever say anything so stupid again.' She said shakily as she kissed his head.

She felt him nod against her. 'But if my mother insists I think its best if I do leave for a while but then you will have to come with me.' She said softly.

He sighed heavily and after a few moments lifted his head up to face her. His eyes were blood shot, but he didn't care to hide the fact he had been crying from here, they were too open with other now, too in love.

'I'll go wherever you go my love; I never want to be apart from you.' He said hoarsely looking down to her lips.

They hadn't been intimate since...she couldn't even remember...it was waay back...perhaps it was when she had returned to Wammy's and then that stuff happened in the tree house...

He stroked his thumb lightly across her lips, 'what thoughts keep you from me Miss Everly?' He asked quietly with the tiniest hint of a smirk.

She couldn't keep her cheeks from blushing just a little as she smiled, which felt odd after all this time of grief.

'Well...I-I was just thinking...when was the last time we, m-made love.' She stuttered, feeling incredibly shy which was baffling to her. She had shared everything with this beautiful man whom she loved with all her heart, she just didn't know how to approach him anymore...when it concerned intimacy. Too much had happened and it was so long ago since the last time.

He blinked back a few times obviously surprised by her answer. 'It's a rare occurrence when I fail to give an answer, especially when regarding a length of time. But in all honesty I am at a loss.' He shook his head a little, obviously feeling frustrated with himself. 'Although...' He said as he faced her again, his voice deepening into that masculine tone she loved to hear. 'I know it's been too long, I am desperate to have you again Lily. I am craving you like a mad man and I am...a little alarmed of how strong that need is, it's never been as fervent as this before and that surprises me in itself as I never thought that would be physically possible.' He said penetrating her eyes with his intense stare; the one she knew all too well.

Her heart began hammering in her chest as all the feelings of love, lust and primal need begin to surface from within her.

He stills for a moment before pulling her face to his and lavishes her with a desperate kiss.

He moans with complete abandon as she kisses him back with just as much need.

They continued this act like no one else was in the house, they didn't care, it had been too long since they had kissed like this.

He groaned as he twisted his body towards her and held her tightly, both his arms wrapped around her while her arms wound around his neck.

She was in complete bliss and wanted to scream and cry as what she needed all along to help her was him, his love, his passion and sharing their bodies together. She knew he could help heal her and hopefully she could as well heal him. All they needed was each other.

She straddled herself onto his lap and began grinding her hips into him as a wanton gasp escaped his lips and into her mouth.

His grip on her was so forceful; she had never felt him grip her like this before. Her heart was heavy with the knowing that he had been wanting and needing her for so long, but because she had been too caught up in her own feelings she hadn't thought about his. That just wouldn't do; she would give him everything he has been needing for months.

She pulled away from him, both of them panting like animals, his grip never faltering on her hips.

'I need you Lily...' He begged with a heartbreaking confession.

She stroked his face and cupped it in both her hands. 'I need you too, so much...but...' she turned her head behind her towards the door. 'I just heard my mother's car arrive...'

He closed his eyes and buried his head into her chest and yelled out with frustration. She embraced him, trying to comfort him and calm him. She understood his fraustration, though it wouldn't help the situation with her mother if she found him in this state...

'L, my darling, we will have our time together soon, first let's just deal with me and my messed up mind...I know my mother can help and I have you to thank for thinking of her to come.' She said stroking his hair.

He kept his face hidden against her as he spoke, his words muffled, 'I am regretting my decision at this moment, I should have waited until tonight at least...it would have given us more time...'

She chuckled a little and it felt good...it had been so long, 'How were you to know we would...need each other while sitting here on the stairs?'

He looked up her then, his beautiful face always caught her off guard; she still couldn't believe he was hers.

'I should have known, I have been comparing myself to a bomb lately; Lily...I have never stopped wanting you...this has been torture...all I have wanted and needed is you.' He said with a sigh as he hides his face into her again.

She bends down and kisses his head, 'I know, I know that now and I am sorry for...'

The knock on the door causes them both to tighten their holds on each other.

She taps his arms, 'Come on...let's get this over with, release me Lawliet.' She says trying to keep her voice sounding light.

He shook his head against her; 'I am never letting you go again.'

* * *

He had been secretly dreading when he would see Doctor Everly again. He never knew what was going through her mind and he couldn't shake the thought that she just didn't approve of him being with her daughter.

Although she had smiled and greeted him warmly, he could still feel her...disdain towards him whether it was intentional or not.

Her visit took a turn for the worst as she took hold of Lily and shut herself and her daughter in the reading room for Lily's private session.

He hadn't even attempted to mask his expression of anxiety as Lily looked back towards him with a beautiful smile before the door closed separating them.

He drooped instantly to his knees and sat against the wall next to the door.

It was almost funny to think that Lily thought herself as the weak one when in truth he was literally falling apart at the seams...he hadn't been lying when he told Lily that she was the only one keeping him grounded, he couldn't bear to be away from her even for a moment.

He had been like her shadow these past few weeks, never leaving her side. He believes, because in her current state she hardly realised he was there; only when she focused herself into the present did she really see him there beside her.

He began to bite furiously at his thumb not caring that the nail was already sore from his constant biting.

He stiffened as he heard Lily's voice raise a little. He stilled like a cat, listening out, trying to make sure she wasn't crying or in some sort of stress. When he heard nothing after a few minutes he relaxed a little again.

He had no idea if calling her mother here was the right thing to do. He had just been so scared and felt completely out f his depth as he watched Lily night after night battle with her own grief and despair as they manifested into her intense and terrifying night terrors.

He could never get her to speak with clarity as he asked her what they were about. She always had a glazed look over her face as she tried to remember but she could never detail it. He hoped it meant whatever she saw in her mind is forgotten as soon as she wakes up. That is usually the way of night terrors, a lot of sufferers don't even know they have the, until someone tells them so.

Apart from loosing Soot, watching Lily go through her night terrors night after night destroyed him. That's why he had called for her mother, he couldn't think of anything else to do.

But since their passionate kiss on the stairs...he realised there was something he could have done. And that was to give himself to her, to take care of her physically. Pamper her with affection and love. He wanted to, oh how he wanted to reach out to her for as the days passed by. But, he was terrified of her rejection. He had no idea is she would have accepted his affection or if it was the right thing to do.

He could take rejection from near enough anyone on the planet...but rejection from Lily? No, never, it would shatter him and he was very much aware of how much power he was giving her over him, though, he had entrusted her with his heart from the moment he had confessed his love to her. There was no going back now as he had been doomed the moment that goddess had waltzed into his life.

He hissed as his thumb throbbed from pain, he rolled his eyes and he found it bleeding once again and sucked on it, hoping to stop the blood.

He stopped sucking as he heard the faint sounds of jingles coming towards him. That sound had his heart skipping a beat as it reminded him instantly of...Soot. He remembered exactly the trousers he used to wear that made that sound from all the chains hanging from them.

He turned his head in the direction the sound was coming from and kept his eyes fixed down the corridor.

He sunk down a little as Mello turned the corner and continued walking towards him...at least he was alone.

L turned his head away and continued sucking his thumb.

He didn't look up at the yellow haired Mello as he stopped beside him, looking down at him.

'Why are you sitting there?' He asked quietly.

L didn't want to answer, for he knew how ridiculous he looked sitting and waiting outside the door like a damned puppy. So he kept silent.

Mello cleared his throat, 'I wanted to go and read, is someone in there?' He asked again keeping his voice quiet.

L sighed and nodded slowly, 'yes, Doctor Everly and Lily are in there...in session.' He said gruffly.

Mello sighed, 'Oh right, well...it's a bit awkward using the houses only reading room.'

'We have a library and more than fifty rooms in this house, I am sure you can make do.' L bit out still not looking up at him.

'Christ...calm down will you.' Mello said with that growl in his voice he always seemed to have. 'You never get an easier to talk to do you.' He said as he slid himself down the opposite wall.

L looked at him then and frowned in surprise, 'What are you doing?' He asked aghast.

Mello shrugged, 'if you can wait here on the floor then so can I.'

'I am waiting for Lily.' L gritted out angrily. 'You can choose another room.'

Mello ignored him and took out a bar of chocolate from his waist coat, 'I'm fine right here.' He grinned as he took a bite.

* * *

'Lily, will you stop swerving my questions and just tell me why you look like death?' Her mother asked now losing patience with her.

'That's not how one speaks to a patient mother.' Lily's sasses back, already she was so done with her mother's tone and attitude.

'Why are you behaving like a spoilt teenager?' Vivian asks losing her composure.

'I saw that look you gave L as you pulled me away from him and I will not tolerate that from you mother, that man is the love of my life and god help me if you keep showing him disdain and disrespect to him like that, I'll bloody disown you!' She yelled angrily at the end of her sentence, she had just had enough.

'What do you expect of me? I know his family has been through the most horrendous tragedy but Lily, he almost got you killed. You are always in danger. So forgive me in not throwing my arms around him in pure delight because he has bewitched my daughter.'

Lily laughs with humour, 'now look who's the teenager? I mean bewitched...seriously? Have you heard yourself? You forget I am a grown woman who is free to make her own choices and you can't help who you fall in love with. And I don't regret one moment I have spent with him or his family. I love them and I love him more than anything.'

'More than your own family then?' Her mother snided.

It suddenly dawned on her what was really going on here, 'no...seriously? This is what all this has been about? I mean I know you love me mum and I love you but are you really...jealous of L?'

'Don't be so ridiculous Lily, I have nothing to be jealous of, but I am scared for your life...and no matter what he does or what to happens to you, you stay with him. What more has to happen before you realise that he is not the right man for you.'

Lily shook her head in disbelief, 'Who says? You? Don't you realise everything with have gone through has us closer than ever? We have formed a bond I have never felt with anyone before and you think that means nothing? He is so extraordinary and pure hearted that if you just gave him the chance without your judgement you might be able to see it for yourself.' She wiped a tear angrily from her cheek, not wanting to seem weak in front of her mother. 'He has been judged and cast aside his entire life and he still he never complains about it, he just accepted that it was because of his strange quirks and behaviours and accepted that no one would truly love him...the way I do.'

She waited to see her if her mother had an anything to spit back but thankfully she stayed quiet, looking down at her fingers in her lap.

Lily took a breath and continued allowing her anger to subside a little, 'I know I am suffering now but that isn't anyone's fault apart the murderous bastard who killed Soot in cold blood.' She clenched her teeth, just about holding her tears back.

'That's why you shouldn't be here Lily, too many memories.' Her mother said softly now.

Lily shook her head, 'it's the only place I want to be mum. This is home for me now and they are my family and L...he is my life.'

'That is such a destructive way to be, you know that being completely attached to someone is so unhealthy for the both of you.'

Lily shrugged, 'I am well aware of how unhealthy attachment is, but when the both of you are feeling the same and are going through the same grief...let's just say it's working for us.'

'Well it clearly can't be working that effectively, otherwise I wouldn't have been called by L, panicking and completely oblivious as what to do... he can't take care of you Lily.'

'No mum, he shouldn't have to take care of me, I have been weak and allowed my own grief and ego to poison me. L loves me and will be there for me always but it's completely unfair for him to have to deal with my breakdown while he is still grieving himself. And taking that all into consideration...I'd say he has been doing an amazing job. After everything that has happened I love him with everything I have and I love him more every day. I trust him and feel completely safe in his arms. What I need to do is sort myself out and stop being selfish and putting all my shit onto him, I need to be able to support him too; it can't just be the one way. And that, Mother, where I need your help...I need my mother's love and guidance and expertise to help me. No one else can snap me out of this downward spiral apart from you.'

She smiles at her mother other now who after a few moments returns her smile. 'Well let's get on with it then shall we.'

* * *

He must be doing this purpose L thought as Mello continued crunching away on his chocolate bar without even offering him a piece.

L began tapping his fingers on his knees, he had been craving chocolate for what seemed a lifetime, but he made sure to eat healthier when Lily did. He hadn't wanted to put her off the already very little amount she did eat with his sugary addiction.

He knew she wanted him to eat better anyway...it's just after a lifetime on a specific, sugary diet...it was a hard one to kick, especially when he could smell Mello's chocolate from here and the fact that it was a very rich, and dark chocolate...along with it a being expensive brand that you can only get from Belgium. His mouth began salivating; he couldn't even nibble on his thumb in fear of drooling everywhere.

He just had to sit there and bear the torture put in front of him.

'So why is the doctor here anyway? Thought she lived quite a distance away.' Mello asked wiping chocolate from his mouth.

'It's of no concern of yours.' L mumbled looking away from him.

Mello chuckled, 'And you wonder why we have never got along...Senpai.'

'Don't call me that, especially when you don't even respect me enough to call me it.' L bite out again, why did he just want to smack that cocky face so badly? Well he knew why...but after everything this family has gone through lately...dealing out punishment to Mello should be the least of his concerns.

Mello rolls his eyes, 'you have never allowed anyone close to you L...even Watari has always been kept at a certain distance from you...which means the rest of us had no chance.'

'What do you care? Ever since I met you as a bratty child you have shown me nothing but contempt and jealously. You were a brat back then and you still are one now, though now I'd say you're heartless too.'

Mello swallowed loudly, but masked his true feelings with a cocky smile, 'Hmm, just say what's on your mind why don't ya.'

L turned his head towards him, he couldn't quite believe it but it seemed Mello's feelings had been hurt, though he didn't care. 'After everything you have done...what you caused with that...harlot of yours...I am relieved we never grew close, as your deception and betrayal would have been crushing to me.'

A long and tense silence followed after his abrupt admission. He knew his little outburst there revealed more to Mello than he had ever wanted to let on. And by the way Mello shifted uncomfortable he knew he had said too much.

'I was scared L, alright?' Mello revealed still with his head down in shame.

L said nothing; he did not want to hear this...not now when all he wanted to focus on was Lily, he didn't know if he could handle anymore...

'I didn't know how to handle it...the love she gave me...it was...'

'Nothing in which you deserved.' L said but soon regretted it with the way Mello looked at him, it was the first time he had ever seen...guilt on that smug face. Though, he should feel guilty, someone died because of his wicked and selfish heart.

Mello nodded slowly looking down, 'yes I agree, I was never good enough for her and the fact she fell for me still bothers me to this day. I didn't deserve her love and so I tried with all my might to push her away.'

L smirked and shook his head, 'so pushing her into heartbreak wasn't enough, you had to push her into the grave as well?'

Mello looked up at him, hurt was now evident on his face, 'No, I-I never meant to...'

'What? You never meant to push an already fragile and lovesick girl into a dark void of depression? Or you never meant to stab her heart with a knife while you...copulated with that harlot in front of her!' L was seething now, 'You pushed her so far she couldn't see a way back then her demented grandfather, filled with vengeance puts the blame onto me and this family and ends up poisoning me, injuring Lily and murdering Soot!' He smashed his fist again the wall beside him. Breathing heavily now he grits his teeth as he looks up at Mello once again, 'And you wonder why...we don't get along...Mello?'


	63. Chapter 63

**Hello my wonderful readers!**

 **Please forgive my ridiculous bout of silence, things have been hectic in my life, mostly for the better of which I will love to share with you one day as it involves more of my stories but possibly with audio!** **Until then, please enjoy I think now is the second to last chapter, there will be an epilogue chapter after this...though you know me, I find it very difficult to conclude this story as I never want to stop writing it! I love L too much dammit!** **Please enjoy and do let me know of what you think and perhaps...if I were to do a sequel, what would you like to see within it?** **Again, thank you so so much for taking the time to read my story! I do hope you like this chapter, it's full of anger, passion, and love! ;)**

 **Much love to you all**

 **-JesterBells X**

* * *

Hearing the raised voices from outside the reading room both Lily and her mother jump up from their seats and run towards the door.

Just as Lily swings it open L and Mello fly past her line of sight and crash into a wall down the corridor.

She gasps with horror when she realises they in the middle of a full on fist fight, both giving and taking hits off one another. Both of their lips were bloodied indicating this wasn't just a scuff, they out for blood.

'L! Stop, Mello!' Lily yells and she runs to them both. She barely dodges out of the way as Mello crashes into L toppling him to the floor.

L quickly flips himself on top of him and plants another right hook across the teens face.

'L! My god!' Lily cries as she comes up behind him and wraps her arms around his waist pulling him off from Mello.

Instead of fighting her off him he stills but doesn't move away even when she tries to pull him back some more.

Mello coughs and spits out blood on the wooden floor before standing up with a wobble.

He takes a step closer to L but then stops, his chest heaving in air. He thrusts a finger towards him as he screams, 'You think I don't know she is dead because of me! You don't think I wake up every fucking night with nightmares! I see her in my dreams, hanging there, dead...' He roughly covers his face with his hands as he sobs into them. 'It's all because of me.'

Lily releases L and steps to his side. Her heart broke for Mello. Even though he had made stupid mistakes and acted cruelly to Constance, he was still human and everyone made mistakes...though watching him break down like this in front of everyone...he still seemed very much like a child.

Mello shakes his head, still hiding his face and continues to sob. 'It was n-never her attention I wanted, I-it was never her acceptance that would fulfil me...it had to come from you L...but you never gave it to me... It's all I've ever wanted, to know I was good enough to even be here and to be a-a brother you could be proud of...I never meant to hurt her, she was too good for me, too good for this world and I destroyed her.' He breaks down again, crying his heart out. All the pain he had bottled up for however long seemed to burst from him and by the sounds of it, he couldn't control it.

Lily couldn't stand it any longer, it wasn't right for such a young and messed up guy to sob there, without anyone caring for him, he was in need...she couldn't deny him what he needed in that moment. Though as she took a step towards him, L flung out his arm halting her. She looked up to him with a frown but soon realised his expression was from far from the seething anger she had seen just moments ago.

She watched as he walked towards Mello and slowly took him in his arms. Mello flinched a little, but as soon as he realised it was L he began sobbing again and threw his arms around his mentor's waist and cried into his shoulder.

* * *

After leaving Mello and L in the reading room to talk and calm things down Lily headed back to her bedroom while her mother went and sought out Watari to fill him in on what had happened.

Lily felt exhausted but as she lay there, she couldn't get Mello's heartbroken face from her mind and his sobs were difficult to forget.

She wiped her eyes, the memory still very raw in her mind. But what had her feeling overwhelmed with emotion was the way L had calmly embraced Mello after their vicious fight.

He had grown so much since they had first met; she had to really think back sometimes to how he used to be as he was so different now.

She supposed it was due to the fact he had been through such tragedy, stress and loss. Those sorts of things tend to change and mould people into another form of themselves. Though she just wasn't sure if L was happy being this way now...

She turned to her side facing the window; the sun was setting, flooding the room in a warm and orange glow.

Her room smelt of fresh linen and sweets...it always smelt sweet in this house, no matter which room she walked into. Sometimes it smelt of freshly baked goods like bread, cookies and scones.

Even though it was a very grand house, Wammy's was a warm and comforting place. Even after the tragedies that have occurred here, Wammy's still felt like a home, a safe haven, although now everybody seemed much quieter as they went about with everyday life.

The loss of Soot really had an impact on the residents of Wammy's which was very unlikely to heal fully. She supposed it made the children and teens realise that what they are being trained for is no game, that the reality of it all is far direr than they may have expected.

Lily felt hopeless; she wasn't even paying her own way. It didn't matter how rich L was...sometimes it just didn't feel right to be free loading off the man she loves even though he wouldn't want her lifting a finger to help out...financially anyway.

She curled into herself more and snuggled into the fresh smelling pillow finding herself beginning to drift off to sleep.

* * *

The quiet sounds of footsteps woke her, but still she kept her eyes closed, she knew who it was...

She listened to the ruffling of his clothes being taken off and dropped to the floor. Then the slight tilt of the bed as he slid under the duvet, snuggling close and pressing his body against her.

She hummed happily as he began to rub her arm tenderly and bury his face into the crook of her neck. It had been a long time since they held each other like this; it seemed everything that had been weighing her down was suddenly lifted by his presence and body heat.

'H-how is everything now?' She asked quietly, still keeping her eyes closed.

He kissed her neck slowly and sighed into her hair, 'the situation has settled down.'

She stretched and opened her eyes turning back to face him after a moment, his face hidden from by her hair.

She stoked his head gently, 'hey, look at me.'

He sighed again and looked up at her, she couldn't hold back the gasp from her lips as she took his face in, it was still dark in the room but she could make out his split lip and slightly swollen eye.

'God, you both really did a number in each other didn't you?' She said as she stroked her fingertips down his cheek.

He closed his eyes and shook his head seeming ashamed, 'he looks far worse, I-I almost broke his jaw.'

She shook her head and pulled in him for a soft kiss, he gasped a little, obviously not expecting it.

When they parted she pulled him down to her chest so he could rest his head down, 'Let's not talk about it, I just want you to rest.' She said softly, stroking his thick hair.

He snuggled closer to her, but he wasn't tired, far from it.

'Lily...although I appreciate the sentiment I feel that it would be impossible for me to sleep now, the adrenaline is still very much present throughout my body.'

'Oh? Well what did you have in mind? Did you want to walk the grounds a little; I know it's late but...'

He cut her off as he quickly sat up to look at her, her breath halted at his intense stare.

'I have another idea...if you would allow me the honour.'

'Which is?'

'I wish to pleasure you Lily.' His gaze drifted down to her lips and then to her chest, 'I want to take your dark thoughts away and replace them with pleasure and passion.' He locks onto her eyes again with his. 'Then' He reached towards her and strokes a finger over her delicate lips, 'I want to make love to the women I love, to the woman I owe my very life.'

She shook her head a little smiling, 'L...you owe don't me such a thing.'

Her placed both his hands on her face now, pulling himself closer to her, 'I do Lily, you have been with me though hell and back, I can't recall how many times you have brought my back from an abyss I believed would have consumed me entirely.'

'You give me far too much credit.' She croaked out.

'Never, it will never be enough. My words have always served me well, but it's not enough, I wish to you show you how grateful I am to you Lily'

'I don't want you to feel that you have to show your gratitude to me, everything I do is for you and I wish for nothing back because I love you.'

He shakes his head against her chest with a long sigh, his hair tickling the skin between her breasts.

He begins to stroke down her thighs as he speaks under his breath, 'I have learnt so much from you Lily, but the thing that has been the most prominent fact is you have awoken a need in me, something primal that I have never known before...and now, especially when in your presence, the urge to follow through with this need is overwhelming...I can't seem to...focus on anything else, but you...'

She smiled and stroked his hair, 'L, what are you talking about is arousal it's very natural and...'

'No Lily' He said with a hushed tone but still it was loud enough to stop her mid sentence. 'You misunderstand me, but that is because I find myself trying to explain, very inarticulacy, this deep and intense feeling...but it seems I cannot, so...'

She shivers a little as she feels one of his hands stroke up towards her sensitive area and then gasps as his finger begins stoking her there.

'I'll just show you.' He whispers and takes her lips in a hungry kiss, moans already escaping him; there was no mask over his face now, everything was bare. He had no fear showing her how much he truly wanted her and she could feel in the way he stroked her, the pressure already deliciously building her release and his kisses and moans; he was unravelling.

She breaks the kiss to gasp his name before completely submitting to him, she had missed him more than words could describe, their passion for all these weeks bubbling under the surface, desperate to come out.

He kisses her neck as he slowly places another finger at her entrance, then slowly pushes both of his longer fingers inside her causing her to grip onto his bare shoulders.

'Lily...' He grits out as his fingers slowly thrust in and out, 'You feel...dare I say it, tighter than before, is-is this normal? Is this causing you pain?'

A breathy laugh escapes her lips as she shakes her head, 'No my love...it feels wonderful.'

Encouraged by her words he kisses her deeply as he pumps his fingers back and forth, her bodies' arousal making the movements fluid and easy.

His breathing was becoming more rapid now, his eyes always watching hers, locked onto her own, observing every expression and delighting in every moan and gasp he was able to draw from her lips.

Again he leans in and takes her lips with a heated kiss and proceeds to kiss down her neck and then onto the chest...suckling the sensitive buds one at a time.

He was truly worshipping her body, he was thorough in his actions, took his time and made sure every kiss, every suckle and lick was done with the intention of causing her pleasure. He had missed her body, he had missed being with her in this way; he would never again go for so long without being able to make love to her, their shared intimacy defeated everything else...

They both jump in surprise as a knock on the door shatters their moment of intimacy. They freeze and look at each other, soon L's expression turns from surprise to utter detest for whoever was on the other side of that door.

He looks at her, his eyes adamant on keeping her focused on him, 'no, I think not' He mutters under breath and continues gliding down her body.

Excitement pumps through her veins, but still, there was someone knocking on the other side of the damned door, could they just ignore it like this? 'L...L wait, what if it's important?' She whispers frantically.

He looks up at her from her chest and puts a finger to his lips to shush her, 'nothing is as important as you Lily, now, relax and enjoy this, my love.' He whispers as he pushes her gently back down onto the bed as he hoists her legs over his shoulders in one swoop.

She gasps and breathes out heavily, 'Nothing is holding you back today...detective.' She giggles lightly though her body was eagerly awaiting his mouth on her.

He begins kissing her legs as he speaks while looking at her with a predatory gaze. 'I am unable to hold back any longer Lily...we...need this...' He said hoarsely before taking her lips, she could feel the despair and desperation in that kiss, he was begging her to make love to him, his need for her radiated from him in his every touch, every word and every kiss.

The knocking had ceased just in time as L moved down her body and without a second hesitation began to lick at her, slowly.

Her body jerked of its own accord; she couldn't help it as the sensation was an overwhelming but welcoming one.

She blushed as she watched him down there, eyes closed, her legs propped up on his shoulders as he held her to him.

His moaning was driving her crazy; he was enjoying this probably as much as she was.

She began to openly voice her pleasure, not caring if anyone could hear her, they shouldn't be knocking on the door at a time like this anyway.

She felt herself completely submit to him, but this felt more than just him aiding her to climax. He was worshipping her, openly giving her pleasure to show how much he loved her because words wouldn't do it justice.

She mewled and moaned as she focused on every sensation he was evoking from her body. The way his tongue flicked and danced around, the suckle of his mouth as he focused on her sensitive bud, his fingers digging into her flesh, his grip strong and with purpose. When she looked back down at him and gasped as he eyes were on her. She couldn't bring herself to look away even though she was blushing like mad. Watching him...pleasure her in such an erotic and open way, listening to his sounds, wondering what his eyes were telling her and what he was thinking in this moment was exhilarating. She could see the love and passion inside them; he did have the most expressive eyes...if you knew how to read them.

Others would say he stare was stoic and dead almost. But she knew, his eyes told her everything, if he decided to of course. L was the master of secrets and no matter how much one would try to work him out, you never could unless he wanted you to. At least now, he was usually open with her.

He began to slightly add the pressure causing her mouth to fall open. Her body radiated with heat as it prepared for its delicious release.

She gasps as he slowly lifts a hand towards her mouth and sensually glides a finger across her lips. She kissed his finger tip earning a slight moan from him before he really began to work his tongue and mouth, only wanting for her release.

She gripped her hand in his hair while her other kept her steady as she watched him, she loved watching him, but the pleasure was causing her eyes to want to shut in ecstasy. Though she knew, if she kept watching what he was doing to her, how he was idolising her body so...meticulously, she wouldn't last long.

Succumbing to her pleasure she allows her head to fall back, 'Ah...L...mmm.' She mewls as she allows him to bring her close to her release.

She never thought herself as a selfish lover before, but there was no way in hell that she was allowing him to stop now; not that he would but...she just felt amazing. The ache inside her, was followed by all the weeks of grieve, isolation and guilt. All she had needed was L, and he had always been beside her, but she hadn't allowed him in. Finally he had taken the lead and pushed passed her walls and now look at them...

He gasps her name before one his hands takes a hold of her breast and squeezes it. She gasps from his surprising grip and then suddenly, her climax surfaces, suddenly a bellow cries from her mouth to which she covers with her hand and falls back down to the bed.

She curls up and rolls to her to her side, convulsing from her continued pleasure. She could feel her eyes watering from all the bottled up emotions that had suddenly surfaces with her release.

L's hand slides up her thigh as he kisses his way up to her neck, pressing his body down onto her so she naturally rolls to her front.

His hands join hers down onto the bed as he proceeds to kiss and lick at her neck, shoulders and back. Her body was humming, he was driving her mad.

He shifts and opens her legs with his body, nestling himself between her thighs. She opens a little wider...awaiting him.

Reacting to her signals, he gently thrusts inside her until he filled her completely. She moans out his name as her hands tighten her grip with his.

He allows a primal groan to escape his lips as he turns her head back towards him and takes her mouth as he begins to move his hips, slowly, back and forth.

The position didn't allow for much movement, however, it did make their lovemaking more intense and passionate. Their bodies pressed together as he made love to her in this primal way. His laboured breaths in her ear, his loving and whispering words that had her trembling and tingling through her entire being.

The way he kept returning for more kisses, the way he held her neck up towards him, keeping her in a position of submission as he took her lips and body simultaneously.

Her had never held her this way but...now that she had experienced it she had decided this would become something of a regularly occurrence.

He kept at a steady pace, though his thrusts were more zealous than their previous lovemaking sessions, aside from the tree house encounter...

Though he made no attempt to quicken his pace, even when she could feel his breathing become more rapid and erratic.

He groaned in her ear as he wrapped an arm around her chest, 'Oh Lily, mmm, I love you, more than my words can ever express.'

His deep and trembling voice in her ear sent sensitive goose bumps down her body, 'I know...but...you're doing a fine job...demonstrating how much.'

His deep chuckle was something she didn't expect in his state of arousal, though, it was again, one of those sounds she would want to hear every day for the rest of her life.

'I love you L. Lawliet' She bite out as her breath hitched as he quickened his pace, their skin slapping against each others, all adding the eroticism of the moment.

'I will never tire of hearing you utter those words to me.' He groaned out as he took her lips again and allowed himself to come to his own release.

His eyes squeezed shut as he gasped but stubbornly keeping his lips locked onto hers.

She loved listening to the way his voice heightened as his climax overtook him. It was a sound of complete abandonment as well as ecstasy. Lawliet had the most, tantalising tone to his voice that sent her body into a state of pure bliss. And...he was all hers.

And I think it was safe for her to conclude, that neither of them would allow anything to come between them.

She would go through all of it again; both the bad times and the good...even the heartbreak. If it meant they would fall in love and be together again, then so be it, she would face it all again. For the good times they had shared together, had been the happiest of her life.

Sometime after, as they lay side by side, sheets crumpled up around them, the room filled with a gorgeous, deep dusk orange. L pulled the sheets from his naked form and slowly slid from the bed and made his way to his jeans lain on the floor.

Lily propped her head on her hand as she watched him with a curious smirk on her face. 'What is the great detective searching for now?'

He turned to look at her over his shoulder; he was the picture of beauty if she had ever seen it. His sly smile only adding to his allure that had her melting in the sheets she lay in.

'Wouldn't you like to know...Miss Everly.' He teased as he languidly returned to the bed, holding something in his hand she couldn't quite see.

She held up the sheets for him as he slipped in, kissing her tenderly as he shuffled towards her.

He held out his hand and smiled, 'I have had this since, well since I was in Germany. And...I, well there was never a suitable time to-to give it to you.' He stuttered, his cheeks becoming flushed.

Lily's smile dissipated suddenly as her heart leapt to her throat, was he...?

He ran his hand through his hair before opening his other revealing a black, velvet box. 'I realise this is not the traditional way to do this but...'

He stares at her as he slowly opens the box, revealing a stunning, sapphire ring, decorated with delicate rubies that sparkled like nothing she had seen before.

Lily couldn't believe her own reaction as she gasped and put her hands to her mouth, something she had always found humorous when women in the romantic movies she watched did the same. She couldn't help it however, her body began trembling as her eyes took a moment to focus on the ring and then onto his stunning face. She could see how nervous he was, but he kept as calm as he could as he asked her;

'Lily-rose Everly, will you give me the honour of becoming your husband?' He asks finding it hard to keep himself from trembling.

Lily blinks one, two, three times before her mind registers what he had just asked.

He waits for as long as he can before he breaks, 'I may be known for my patience and overall discreet persona, but Lily, you're torturing me here...'

She smiles and clears her throat, allowing her eyes to fill with tears, 'I'm sorry...of course! Of course I'll marry you!' She squeals and embraces him, kissing him madly.

He chuckles against her lips and pulls away from her, his own eyes betraying him and creating their own pool of tears.

'Then let us make it official.' He says with the widest smirk as he takes the ring from the box and slides it onto her finger.

They both smile up at each other and share another kiss, 'You have made me...you have...made me so, happy Lily.' He whispers between their kisses.

She smiles against his lips, 'Then finally, we are on equal ground detective.'


	64. Epilogue

**W** **ell, this is it. It has come to an end...and I feel like crying!**

 **I never wanted to finish this story...but everything has to come to an end I suppose.** **Though...because if my love for L...there could be a sequel down the road somewhere... ;)** **I can't express how grateful I am to all of you who have read my story from beginning to end, especially for those who left wonderful comments along the way, you have no idea how that motivates a writer.** **I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope to hear from you all your thoughts on the story and the ending, I really do hope you all enjoy it and it has left you...satisfied as ending should.** **Much love and gratitude to you all!** **Thankyou,** **-JesterBells X**

* * *

She smiled as the doors to the balcony opened with a click; the silken curtains blew against her as the soft, warm breeze danced into the room.

She shook her head as wondrous mountains as far as the eye could see greeted her good morning.

Japan, why she hadn't visited this beautiful country before she hadn't a clue, but now she was here for the most incredible reason...it was her wedding day.

She smiled down to her hands wrapped around a tea cup; her stunning engagement ring glistened in the dawn light.

She just...couldn't quite believe how happy she felt, how her heart was practically dancing with joy in her chest.

It had only been a week since L had asked her to marry him and since then well, he had been a nightmare to live with to be honest. He was like her shadow constantly following her, looking down at her hand and biting his thumb nail as he did when he was thinking or concerned.

When she had asked him what on earth was wrong, he would blush and answer while looking down at the ground, 'Are you having second thoughts? Do you really want to marry me? Was it too soon? Do you need more time to think?' And her personal favourite 'why did you say yes to my proposal?'

She had smacked him, kissed him, stuffed sweets in his mouth...anything and everything to try and stop him worrying and asking such ludicrous questions. Sometimes she would be saddened to think he would question her love for him and to think he wasn't good enough for her and why she would ever want to be his wife.

No matter how many times she would look into his huge eyes and tell him how much she loved him and that could never and would never want to be with anyone else, it never seemed enough.

She realised then, that L simply couldn't wait...that they would have to get married soon as he would lose his mind and she didn't want him suffering anymore...and she just wanted him back to his normal, odd self. Not this paranoid mess he had turned into.

The smile on his face when she suggested to move the wedding forward...much forward was a real picture to behold...he was ecstatic and the stress lines he had worn for the week dissipated before her very eyes...they had made love again and again that day, he had exhausted her and himself...but still he could never have enough of her...neither could she, they were simply crazy for one another and it just worked for them.

The one hurdle they had to cross before coming here though was to introduce L to her family. Of course he wasn't thrilled with the idea, 'They will surely, once taking a eye full of me and my attire, pull you into their clutches and never let you go, it has taken me this long just to prove to your mother I am worthy of you, however, I still remain positive that it's all an act, she only accepts me for your sake.'

She had giggled and kissed him sweetly before pinching his cheeks to make him smile, which of course just made him look like an angry pumpkin.

'You worry too much, my mother...while it took some time, now thinks the world of you.'

'Did she tell you that?' He asked still with the angry pumpkin face.

'She doesn't have too, I know her and didn't she give us her blessing as soon as we announced our engagement?' She kissed him quickly and released his cheeks, little red marks remained, she smirked, it looked like he had rosy cheeks now.

He was lost in thought for a moment, 'This is true' he bit his nail.

She tutted and took away his thumb from his mouth causing him to look at her.

'Everything will be fine; I don't even have a big family...not like you.'

He sighed and nodded, 'yes, I suppose it won't be too difficult.'

* * *

It had been a nightmare, well for L anyway. He just stood there most of the night, nodding and attempting to smile. Though he exceeded with his manners, something Lily's grandparents appreciated greatly. He even received a squeeze of the cheek or two by her grandmother; she had grown fond of him almost instantly.

He had blushed a scarlet colour as her auntie proceeded in telling him how unique and handsome he was, she always did have good taste.

L had tried to hide behind Lily a few times, snaking his arms around her and hiding his face into her shoulder. Everyone cooed and awed, thinking he was being romantic, but in reality it was the only thing he could think of to keep from bolting out the door or window.

The most surprising thing however was how he seemed to calm down and loosen up a little as soon as Lily's younger cousins came with their children, Alice who was five and Nicolas who was six.

They took to L instantly and wanted to play with them which, to everyone's delight, including her own, he did.

They took him out into her mother's wondrous garden, covered with an array or flora and fauna and began a game of tag.

Lily, knowing her little cousins, had underestimated L just by taking a look at him and concluding he wouldn't be able to catch them. They were wrong however and soon found that L was like a super human compared to their parents who could never catch them in a game of tag.

Lily had giggled to herself as she watched them beg L to tell them his secrets. And so he proceeded to teach them Tai Chi which worked wonders in keeping the children calm and entertained.

'He is certainly...not what we expected Lily dear,' her grandmother said as she came to stand next to her by the window.

Lily shook her head, unable to look away from him, the way he was with the children, correcting their posture and smiling as Alice lost her balance, falling to the grass. He picked her up and again patiently showed her the correct position. When she succeeded she jumped up happily giving L an awkward high-five, it was probably the first time he had ever received one.

'Though he seems to be comfortable out there.' He granny Sue said with a little chuckle.

'Well, that's because he is used to children...his house is full of them you see and also...he is teaching something he knows well so...I guess he is...' She interrupts herself with a giggle as Alice and Nicolas push him off his own balance as he demonstrated a particularly hard position, knowing full well they wouldn't be able to do it. He sits there on the ground scowling at them; they pull faces and begin their Tai Chi routine again eager for him to watch them.

He rolls his eyes and notices Lily and her granny Sue at the window, watching them, giving a small smile and a bashful wave before turning his attention back onto Alice and Nicolas, continuing to correct them from where he sat on the grass.

'Having fun? Were you going to say?' Granny Sue asks with a knowing smirk on her adorable face.

Lily nods, 'yes exactly.'

'I am happy for you Lily sweetie, I can see how much you love him...and as long as he makes you happy?' She quirked an eyebrow up at her.

'He does, he makes me so happy...I can barely believe my luck sometimes.'

'Oh nonsense, luck has nothing to do with it.' She scoffs and waves her hand about in front of her.

Lily smirks down at Granny Sue, her white hair braided into a long braid down her back, she loved her long locks, always had.

'What do you mean?'

'Our family has always been blessed with good men, even your father, at one time was a very good man, though he was weak and allowed life to mould him onto somebody he wasn't.'

Lily's eyes widened a little as the mention of her father, Granny Sue never said a good thing about him, so hearing this was a surprise.

'But him.' She points her little finger towards L on the grass outside, seeming so relaxed. 'He is proof that our family always attract the right kinds of people. The people with love in their hearts, even though sometimes they may hide it from the rest of the world...I know though, that boy, he loves you dearly...he adores you in fact.'

Lily nods staring at him, 'Yes...I believe he does and well, I suppose I am still adjusting to it.'

Granny Sue chuckles and takes sip of her tea. 'Silly girl, just enjoy it, allow him to show you how much he loves you in whatever way he chooses, I can tell he can up come up with some good ways of showing you, he's smart that one...perhaps too smart for his own good.'

Lily laughs, 'You're so on the ball there Granny Sue. But it's one of the things I love most about him...'

* * *

Granny Sue had been right. L certainly did come up with a special plan for their wedding. He wanted to elope at first, just the two of them. She will never forget the night he came bursting into her room with a suitcase; she was still half asleep when he crawled on the bed, kissing her passionately before detailing her with his great plans of eloping into the night.

'We can leave now; as soon as you're ready we can fly to Japan, just us both...' He had whispered to her excitedly, she had never seen him quite so...animated before.

'L, sweetheart...um don't you think Watari, Roger, and the kids would want to be there to watch as well as my family?' She said sitting up, but he didn't move, still straddling her.

'I-I thought eloping would make things...well, run more smoothly...I-I don't wish for so many eyes to be on us.' He says looking away from her.

'L...it's okay to be nervous, I will be as well, but it's not about what anyone else thinks...it's about us and our day.'

'Exactly, it's about us, I don't care for anyone else to be there, all I want is you to myself as selfish and childish as that sounds, but you know me Lily, this is how I am.'

She did know him, well enough to know how stressed he could allow himself to become, even if he seemed calm on the exterior, he was a talented actor in hiding his true emotions from everyone, playing the same, straight faced and monotone speaking detective L. She smiles at him and strokes her fingers down his cheek softly, 'Why don't we come to a compromise?' She asked softly.

He sighed and sat back, grabbing her hand and holding it in his, 'what are the terms of this compromise?' He asked quietly with a hint of a sulky tone in his voice.

'We go there first, a day or two earlier than anyone else. We can settle in, spend time together...however we choose...' She winks as him causing him to smirk bashfully and look away, 'And then they can fly over for the wedding? Now, can we come to an agreement on this? Detective?'

He begins to nibble at his thumb again, this time she didn't swipe it from his mouth as she usually did in an attempt to save his raw skin for anymore soreness. She just waited for him patiently; she loved him so much and wanted him to be comfortable.

'But, there will be...many eyes on us...and something about that image causes my stomach to twist.'

'Like I said, it's you who has the large family, not I.' She teases him nudging him a little on his stomach. He flinches and grunts a little.

'L, it will be fine, remember all you have to do is look at me. If you focus on me, everyone will turn into a blur, become back of the background if you just focus on me.'

His eyes lock onto hers; her heart always began its elated thumping it did every time he looked at her with that intense stare. 'And, I can have your word on that...Miss Everly?' His voice rumbled through her body as he asked quietly.

She nods a yes and pulls him towards her; he hesitated for a moment before succumbing to her and meeting her lips with his in a tender kiss.

'Lily...' He breathed between kisses, 'Are you...attempting to distract me?'

She smiled against his lips and pulled away slowly, 'was it working?' She giggled.

He smirks, 'you can do better.'

* * *

All that time she had acted like she was the strong one with nerves of steel. Though now as she awaited her moment to walk down to him, she felt...nauseous and terrified. There were a lot of people here indeed.

Because Roger and Watari both wanted to attend, it meant the whole of Wammy's household would attend...even Mello, fortunately Suri was nowhere to be seen.

The only reason she was just about keeping it together was Watari's arm. She had probably gripped onto it too tightly but he never said a word about it.

He tapped her hand gently with his other and smiled down at her. 'You're certainly a stunning sight to behold Miss Everly and worry not; I will look after you until I hand you over to him.'

She smiled up at him, tears forming in her eyes, 'I can't thank you enough for everything Watari...I mean...Quillish. You and your family, the way you accepted me and...'

'No Miss Everly, it is I who is in debt to you as you...you saved my boy, you brought him back to us and what's more, you opened his heart to something he should have had a long time ago. So please understand when I say that it's my pleasure to walk you down the aisle to him. I can quite honestly say that I won't have to worry about him any longer.'

Lily's heart tightened with pure love for this man as she kissed him on the cheek with a small nod. She couldn't say anything...was incapable for fear of crying all over him and her white dress.

Quillish smiled and tapped her hand again as Kiki and Eve came huddling over to them. 'It's time!' Eve whispered excitedly, they both looked beautiful in their pastel pink dresses, flowing all the way to their feet.

Lily's dress was similar in style to theirs as she wanted it to be simple and elegant; she hadn't wanted any sort of fuss from the decorations to her dress. The temple and the stunning landscape was enough, nothing could beat the beauty of the natural world after all. She wasn't even wearing shoes; in fact no one was as the temple was seen as sacred ground...much to L's pleasure as he despised shoes.

A solo violin played as she and Qullish walked from the shelter on the temple to its breathtaking open grounds with Kiki and Eve in front. The sun was already beginning its descent, illuminating the area in a golden hue; she didn't think anything could be so sublime to look at until her eyes met his.

He was dressed all in white, wearing a traditional Japanese cotton shirt and cotton trousers. He was perfect, his hair had even been brushed out a little...she wondered who's idea that was; because she knew it wasn't his.

She almost stopped halfway as he greeted her with the most admirable smile she had yet to see on his face. His cheeks were flushed as his smile widened as she approached him. His beautiful smile, teeth and all simply melted her as she smiled back with all the love she felt for him in this moment.

Finally she arrived in front of him, Quillish turned towards her and have her cheeks delicate kisses before turning to L and placing a hand on his shoulder, 'No words can describe how happy I am for the both of you, I am so proud of you my boy.' He said to him, L nodded, she could tell he was fighting back his emotion for his oldest and dearest friend..and father.

'T-thank you...Quillish, it means the world to hear those words come from you.'

The two of them exchange an affectionate moment as they smile at one another before Quillish turns and pulls her gently towards L. He takes her arm from him and places her hand in L's who takes it eagerly which causes her to giggle lightly.

'You're the most exquisite work of art I have ever beheld in my life Lily.'

She blushes and bites her lip, trying with all her might not to cry. 'The same can be said for you, I think my heart stopped along the way...' She said with a croak.

'Mine only truly started beating when you came in my life, so I'm afraid, it leaves you with quite the responsibility for if you were to leave...it would cease it's thumping.' He smirks walking them over to Roger, waiting to marry them with a smile on his face.

'Well then, it's a good thing I plan on keeping by your side then...' She whispers, quickly kissing him on the cheek.

'You know that won't do...' He protests obviously wanting a kiss on his lips.

'We have to have something that's traditional...just be patient; you have a lifetime to kiss me.'

'You say it as though I wouldn't hold you to that...you should know me better than that by now...Miss Everly.'

'Not for long...it will be Mrs soon enough.'

They shared an intense look before finally, turning their attention to Roger who had been patiently waiting for them to finish.

'Apologies Roger.' L said with a bow.

'Worry not dear boy, I was very much enjoying somewhat of a miracle.' He said with a chuckle.

'Oh and what would that be?' L said smiling towards Lily thinking he must be speaking about her.

'To see you happy and in love, that's all we have ever wanted for you.'

L gulps from the man's beautiful words and looks over to all the smiling faces, suddenly they weren't a blur anymore and for a moment he had to fight back his urge to panic. But as Lily squeezed his hand, giving him all the support he needed, he focused on her again and calmed.

'Indeed and I never saw it coming.'

* * *

'That kiss...the one where it confirmed you are my wife...I shall never forget it.' He whispered in her ear as they danced together in their room.

She held him close to her; the smile on her face hadn't left her cheeks since they said I do. 'I know what you mean; it was the start of us truly belonging to each other...husband.'

He hums happily, twirling a lock of her hair in his fingers, 'I shall never tire of hearing that...though I imagine it taking me a certain amount of time to become accustomed to it.'

'Well, we have all the time in the world.'

They danced as he continued humming nights in white satin into gently into her ear. She sighed happily.

'L?'

'Yes Lily?'

'Do you, do you think he was here today...watching everything' She asked quietly, holding onto him.

He knew just from her tone of whom she was speaking of, he kisses her head and rests his chin on top of it. 'Yes, if he hasn't already gone to where he is supposed to go, I'd say he was here...I could, almost feel his presence...does that make sense?'

'Yes, completely, I think he may have come today to catch Eve in her lovely dress.' She smiled sadly into his chest.

'I have no doubt.'

'I suppose, it's comforting to know that there is an afterlife...in some way or form.'

'Yes, I hadn't realised how liberating knowing there is indeed life after death, and also...' He tips her head up by her chin with his long, elegant fingers. 'How it comforts me knowing that this life doesn't have to be the last with you.' He leans in and kisses her tenderly and continues until his hands find their way down to her hips while her hands link behind his neck.

They part just mere millimetres from each other, never wanting to be too far apart. He smiles at her. 'Do you remember that night by the fountain, where you flicked the coin into it?'

She didn't even have to think back, the memory was safely lodged in the forefront of her memory. 'Of course.'

'Can I ask now, what it was you wished for and did it come true?' He smirks down at her.

She smiled up at him, loving that cheeky smirk from her husband. 'It came true but granted me so much more, I couldn't have even wished for it, it was more than I could have ever expected.'

'Well what was it?

'I asked for you to be freed of your depression and suffering and perhaps...it could be me who helps you to do that.' She blushed slightly, feeling a little embarrassed from such a wish.

He smiled and shook his head amused, 'So it's true then...it really does work...'

'What? What really works?'

'When you wish with pure gold it is a guarantee fail safe, your wish will always come true, I didn't believe it when it happened to me, so I had to make sure.'

'You? You wished for something too?'

'Yes and it came true, I just hadn't realised until I gave you the coin.'

'And why is that?'

'Because my wish was very specific...I wished that if there was ever a chance for me to heal, and well, be content with my life, the next person I give a wishing coin too and accepts it will be the one...so you can guess how that played out.' He gazes at her, swaying them back and forth gently.

She shakes her head in disbelief, 'You are just...full of surprises, I never thought you would make such a wish...and one so specific.'

He shrugs bashfully, 'I had had enough of living in the darkness, it was something of a last resort to bring some life into my life.'

She giggled remembering a certain memory from his second session with her and her mother, 'Some sugar, spice and everything nice?' She cocked an eyebrow waiting to see if he knew what she was talking about.

Of course he remembered as a breathy laugh escaped his lips, 'Back when I thought I had nothing to live for and feeling there was no point to my existence.' He shakes his head, finding it hard to believe he ever felt that way.

'And now?' Lily asks adjusting herself, bringing their bodies closer together.

'Now...' He smiles that heavenly smile once again, 'I have found my purpose once again.' He leans down and rests his forehead against hers. 'All thanks to you, Lily...my wife.'

The End


End file.
